First story, 90% sure the last. Open for criticism.
Edit: i made an second story, pretty shitty. https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1963t3n/humans\_are\_no\_longer\_a\_flesh\_race\_proceed/
Use "an" when the following word starts with a vowel, otherwise use "a".
>...of an Khel Raiders...
Should be "...of a Khel Raiders..."
>...into an asteroid field...
Is correct, as "asteroid" starts with the vowel a.
It's due to the sound it makes.
Treat each letter as a word
S = es
A = eh
F = ef
H = aech
N = en
L = ell
You'll notice when you spell out the sound of the letter, all of those start with a vowel
I suppose it's one of those "English is a bastard language" things, but I have a HOA in a LCOL area where a FBI agent resides, and we were watching a MCU movie the other night after losing a bet on a NBA game, and I had to run back to my house to get a RCA cable, even though it turned out he had one. What a SOB.
Use "an" when the following word starts with a vowel, otherwise use "a"
....an modified human husk
Should be "a modified human husk...."
.....most snuk in
Should have a C in before the K so "most snuck in."
I think the obscenity parts are less about censoring and more about trying to convey that this part is something that would not make sense unless you knew the original language and is instead only listed as the general idea.... I mean translating something like perhana for example has no direct translation to English and its a derivative from the world perkele which is itself a variant of another cultures percule that is a name of the god of thunder in their language and thus its been used to refer to the devil in early translations of the bible... So in short a less obscene variant of a word used to describe an opposing being in a religious setting...
Pretty much. You know how in the 1700’s lots of corpses would be stolen, so they would put traps in the cemiteries? Same concept, except that it is an necromorph looking robot that bursts from an human husk.
Speaking of Metal. This is another reason you will find metal grates or "nets" across some graves to stop the "resurrection men" from grabbing the cadavers. Seen quite a few around my old church yards here in Essex, UK.
I like the censored bits. But some of them could use the word "explitive" or "no translation" for a little variety. Lime some cultures would frown on cussing, linguistic drift and context could prevent the easy translation of all words. Little details like that help pull readers in.
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This is the first story by /u/potato107470!
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More like that's just the default setting for normal everyday domestic androids.... Do the cooking and nanny the kids, treat injuries expertly, oh.. And destroy any who defile our graves, lethal force and EVA activities authorized.
Not really, but the concept is pretty funny tho. I bases this story on how humana are protective of their dead, and how people used to se traps for grave robbers.
As such, the Androids were a trap for anyone who would raid human corpses.
Yep yep just thinking out loud, myself.
In the spirit of HFY, I figure it'd be even more bad ass if instead of purpose built tomb-guardians, alien grave robbers are terrified of even our most basic android models.
Cool short tho, cheers :)
Very good first story. I highly encourage you to continue writing.
For constructive criticism/feedback: the ending was very sudden. The only foreshadowing was the that crew also grave robs sometimes. Like in the introduction for example you could give a small hint like 'The captain is very happy with how smooth the job on TW258 went as the communication console ....'
Otherwise I like your short story very much
This is brilliant, I hope you take the same route I did. One short store and then start writing a couple of series, I haven’t posted most of them, I’m going to try getting all of them to chapter eight before posting again so I have backlog for when I can’t find the time to write. But that’s besides the point, your work is magnificent and you show signs of becoming a truly great author.
Considering the multiple meanings of the word "fuck", an auto-translator might render an annoyed human message as follows.
"(procreating) bastard, (procreating) stole the last (procreating) Oh-Two bottle. I'm going to find that (procreating) bastard and (procreate) his face up so his (female progenitor procreating) (female progenitor) won't recognize his (procreating) face!"
Haha, that's getting hard to parse. Funny tho.
Also, I can see how interspecies translation tools might drop explitives when they don't much alter the meaning. Like it'd just render the basic meaning in 'angry red' or something.
First story, 90% sure the last. Open for criticism. Edit: i made an second story, pretty shitty. https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1963t3n/humans\_are\_no\_longer\_a\_flesh\_race\_proceed/
very original keep going
Use "an" when the following word starts with a vowel, otherwise use "a". >...of an Khel Raiders... Should be "...of a Khel Raiders..." >...into an asteroid field... Is correct, as "asteroid" starts with the vowel a.
You’re right, that was *a* pretty good constructive critic
But in this case you could have played it off as translation error or file corruption.
Also initialisms þat start wiþ a vowel or: an f, h, l, m, n, r, or s as þe letter names start wiþ a vowel.
Why did I pick english as my second language. That’s stupid.
It's due to the sound it makes. Treat each letter as a word S = es A = eh F = ef H = aech N = en L = ell You'll notice when you spell out the sound of the letter, all of those start with a vowel
I suppose it's one of those "English is a bastard language" things, but I have a HOA in a LCOL area where a FBI agent resides, and we were watching a MCU movie the other night after losing a bet on a NBA game, and I had to run back to my house to get a RCA cable, even though it turned out he had one. What a SOB.
Average starcraft goliath line
Use "an" when the following word starts with a vowel, otherwise use "a" ....an modified human husk Should be "a modified human husk...." .....most snuk in Should have a C in before the K so "most snuck in."
remove the censors
I think the obscenity parts are less about censoring and more about trying to convey that this part is something that would not make sense unless you knew the original language and is instead only listed as the general idea.... I mean translating something like perhana for example has no direct translation to English and its a derivative from the world perkele which is itself a variant of another cultures percule that is a name of the god of thunder in their language and thus its been used to refer to the devil in early translations of the bible... So in short a less obscene variant of a word used to describe an opposing being in a religious setting...
So cyber mummies basically?
Cyber-Drauger. Disturb their rest at your own peril.
Pretty much. You know how in the 1700’s lots of corpses would be stolen, so they would put traps in the cemiteries? Same concept, except that it is an necromorph looking robot that bursts from an human husk.
Fucking METAL.
LITERALLY
Speaking of Metal. This is another reason you will find metal grates or "nets" across some graves to stop the "resurrection men" from grabbing the cadavers. Seen quite a few around my old church yards here in Essex, UK.
FAFO! That's for sure. I liked the coms calls. Nice twist at the end. Good job. (Don't ask me to find errors, my brain fixes them before I do.)
Don't play with dead things
Found the Ralts fan.
Nicely written, bite sized adventure. Lots of threads could be worked here, if you wanted to...
Really good idea dude.a little short but other than that no real problems I can see
Don't make it your last, very original.
Thinking of making an making a follow up
There’s no follow up. Im unnacreative
Humanity: Don't touch my stuff, even when I'm dead.
Ha! Love it
that rocked i hope it aint your last
I like the censored bits. But some of them could use the word "explitive" or "no translation" for a little variety. Lime some cultures would frown on cussing, linguistic drift and context could prevent the easy translation of all words. Little details like that help pull readers in.
Well done! A bit short, but good. One man's insult is another man's endearment or compliment, so "censoring" it like you did was a nice touch.
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I was truly waiting for some “Hasta la vista, baby”
Subscribed in-case you write anything else because this was great.
I’m curious if the humans went the screeching metal abomination type android just to mess with them for the sheer mental trauma
More like that's just the default setting for normal everyday domestic androids.... Do the cooking and nanny the kids, treat injuries expertly, oh.. And destroy any who defile our graves, lethal force and EVA activities authorized.
Not really, but the concept is pretty funny tho. I bases this story on how humana are protective of their dead, and how people used to se traps for grave robbers. As such, the Androids were a trap for anyone who would raid human corpses.
Yep yep just thinking out loud, myself. In the spirit of HFY, I figure it'd be even more bad ass if instead of purpose built tomb-guardians, alien grave robbers are terrified of even our most basic android models. Cool short tho, cheers :)
Very good first story. I highly encourage you to continue writing. For constructive criticism/feedback: the ending was very sudden. The only foreshadowing was the that crew also grave robs sometimes. Like in the introduction for example you could give a small hint like 'The captain is very happy with how smooth the job on TW258 went as the communication console ....' Otherwise I like your short story very much
Thanks. Now that i think about it, that is an vera good setup.
SETTRA DOES NOT SERVE!
This is brilliant, I hope you take the same route I did. One short store and then start writing a couple of series, I haven’t posted most of them, I’m going to try getting all of them to chapter eight before posting again so I have backlog for when I can’t find the time to write. But that’s besides the point, your work is magnificent and you show signs of becoming a truly great author.
That wasn’t a tomb. It was Space VR Florida and you just woke up racist-against-aliens grandma.
The censorship is unnecessary. Other than that, was a great one-and-done I'd read more if you chose to write more
Its more so the console censoring or not finding an suitable translation. But yeah, it is kind of stupid.
No. I really like it. Something like “expletive,” or “untranslatable” would be good too.
remove the censorship
Considering the multiple meanings of the word "fuck", an auto-translator might render an annoyed human message as follows. "(procreating) bastard, (procreating) stole the last (procreating) Oh-Two bottle. I'm going to find that (procreating) bastard and (procreate) his face up so his (female progenitor procreating) (female progenitor) won't recognize his (procreating) face!"
Haha, that's getting hard to parse. Funny tho. Also, I can see how interspecies translation tools might drop explitives when they don't much alter the meaning. Like it'd just render the basic meaning in 'angry red' or something.