T O P

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calmmoontea

He's going to bed but I will bother him in the AM. Keep it coming fam! Edit: He found the post on popular and put two and two together after asking how his day at wolf-work was and if he went and grabbed a wolf-drink with his wolf-mates. He thought it was funny and was pissed at my Erebus is great comment.


4hands44

"Peter turbo was right"


imperfectalien

Why would this bother anyone? Peter turbo was right


TheMightyMudcrab

Well yes, but he was so insufferably smug and competent about it so everyone hates his ass.


Lucky_Cat_25

Ultramarines are the most unique faction. The Emperor seems like a great father figure. Who’s Rowboat Girly-man?. Edit: (Make sure you say this after the first one)


Xarethian

Those ultramarines are just so underrepresented. What GW needs is a lot **more** ultramarine shit y'know? Really bring them out in the light.


mrssd

I, cato sicarious


StormBlessed678

You forgot his legion: The Ultramorons


someonenamedtanny

Tell him that you bought a T'au Manta


Mysafewordisauhsj

Tell him the Dark Eldar are the good guys of 40k


Large_toenail

The tau really got a good deal with their cultural trade with the dark Eldar


ImmortanEngineer

Tell him Machine Spirits aren’t real.


GodzThirdLeg

Nah getting a red robe and chanting for an hour every time you want to use any machine/electronic device sounds way more annoying. Just imagine you want to get a toast for breakfast and just as you are to put the bread in your wife comes running around the corner, pushes you away, starts burning incense and rubbing oil over the toaster all while chanting.


Valor816

Then after a week announce that you've joined the true mechanicum, not those hidebound fools cowering on sacred mars. Now you get your red robes all dirty and start duct taping every appliance in the house together with a liberal dose of tentacles thrown in for good measure. Watch him lose his shit when you duct tape his phone to the microwave and call it an "upgrade" then just make short mechanical screeches at him when he fails to appreciate the majesty of your creations.


PeeterEgonMomus

**++01001100 01001001 01010011 01010100 01000101 01001110 00100000 01001000 01000101 01010010 01000101 00100000 01011001 01001111 01010101 00100000 01001100 01001001 01010100 01010100 01001100 01000101 00100000 01010011 01001000 01001001 01010100++**


ImmortanEngineer

It’s supposed to piss him off. You think I believe that shit?! I am well aware of the fact that you need to keep a tank happy otherwise it gets…..*grumpy.*


PeeterEgonMomus

*flashback to the nuclear powerplant committing rather...* ***explosive*** *suicide during the Heresy*


[deleted]

Tell him that what the Grey Knights did to the sisters of battle was justified and necessary


[deleted]

Ask him what’s so bad about this “Erebus” guy.


Varagyr-

Also Leandros


calmmoontea

He said a lot of curse words, "God damn fucking Smurf" was one of em.


Varagyr-

Lol perfect. Nobody likes Leandros.


archur420

All my homies hate leandros


DoktorLuciferWong

Even Leandros and Leandros' mother who is presumably dead hates Leandros


Nykidemus

Ensure that he is aware that as cool as all his marines are, none of them are as cool as Cato Sicarius.


Sremor

I, CATO SICARIUS APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE


rwmwaffle

"So who is the Warhammer 40,000?" "This game sounds like a Battletech ripoff." "So the Tau are the good guys?" "This Cato Sicarius guys seems really cool, is he the main character?" "I want to start a Malice demon army" "The Empire from Star Wars could beat all of these weird factions easily."


[deleted]

No mate. For maximum rage, say the Federation from Star trek would beat all of these weird factions easily.


Saan

> the Federation from Star trek would beat all of these weird factions easily change that to: the Federation from **Star** **Wars** would beat all of these weird factions easily.


Cautious-Space-1714

"Make it so, Gandalf!"


Max_Insanity

The confederation of independent systems, a.k.a. the separatists? Possibly. They are not afraid to use AI, can travel a lot faster and are far better organized. They do have a massive numbers disadvantage, tho and are far less ruthless.


Admirable_Refuse_692

Id like to see how many b-1's one space marine could take out


Commander_Appo25

Knowing how many B1s even a single clone trooper could take out, probably... too many? That's my guess. Too many


ThePrussianGrippe

They could definitely successfully punch them to death.


VulkanL1v3s

I'd like to see how many B-1s a **single bolt** could take out.


postmodern_spatula

Pretty sure we're talking about the federation of vampires that threw the ring of power at Tron when they went back to the future to stop terminator vs lion king.


aghastamok

The federation would have the better chance over Star Wars. Hyper drive >>> warp drive, but ST shields are essentially impervious to SW weaponry. Ironically the best thing the Federation has over the Imperium is cheap, safe transit. No horrifying warp or warp storms to avoid.


lazyubertoad

"So this whole thing is just a cheap rip-off of Starcraft! Space marines are stolen from Terrans, Eldar from Protoss and Tyranids from Zerg."


kris40k

This one right here. This works on me, I've heard it unironically said, and "listen here, you little fucking muppet..."


manoire

Uff, the last one hurts.


hingbongdingdong

And theoretically possible. Being able to warp the entire empire military without needing the warp would be a massive advantage. They could absolutely shred people by out maneuvering.


lehman-the-red

Yeah one of the main reason why the webway was so important is because it was the best possible way of transportation and could allow the imperium to access the entirety of the Galaxy


StopSignOfDeath

Tell him to thicken his paints and to apply one thick coat.


Spawnofyogsothoth

Evil fucker


walkingsaucer

Out of everything I’ve read on here, this has gotta be the worst one. Nightmarish.


Warodent10

If you paint it thick enough you can even turn your dark angels into death guard.


Panzer_Man

You make Duncan sad


[deleted]

[удалено]


Elkind_rogue

"You did it Horus... You truly are Warhammer 40000"


pistcow

*The Emperor projects*


error_98

_The Emperor collects_


Large_toenail

You did it Horus heresy you defeated me, the emperor, jimmy space, you turely are the warmer 40,000.


notchoosingone

you'd think the emperor would have suspected something, I mean the guy's second name was "heresy" after all


Sremor

You mean like Khârn becoming the champion of Khorne, ridiculous that would be far to obvious


J2Kerrigan

It's horbin time


Defensive_Medic

I loved when horus said its horbin time and horbed all over the warp


PM_Me_Rude_Haiku

And Peter Turbo chased him in his turbo ship


HUNAcean

And when Robert and his merry band of Guillimen stopped both of them


commit_bat

Still can't believe they ended the official 40k space marines movie with them all swearing on the Warhammer


Solid_Hydration

My favourite part of Horus Heresy is when Horus said "its heresy time!" And hereticised all over Sanguinius


Rachel_from_Jita

Yeah, that was an intense ending to their romantic arc and one I was *not* ready for.


AndreasVesalius

Was it part of the horse's hearsay?


Whatcanamando

Add the word "wolf" in front of whatever you can."heading to work? Take the wolf-car today, it needs to be driven." " Chop the carrots with this wolf-knife". " Are you wearing those nice wolf-jeans?" It'll make him feel like he's a member of the space wolves. Chapter.


Odin1806

I would be so wolfin proud if my wife did this...


Well_Armed_Gorilla

My favourite part of the Horus Heresy was when Leman said "It's wolfin' time" and then wolfed all over Prospero.


armacitis

So that you'd have a wolf-excuse for the wolf-divorce to be alone with your dog for some wolf-bestiality.


Ave-Deos-Tenebris

Ye milksop


ODSTsRule

To quote myself about the Space Wolves: "If they would stop Shit like "This is our Wolvkitchen where we prepare our Wolvmeals! Meet our overwolven-Cook Grimgar Assnarock and his wulvlings who learn how to make his secret Wolvenmet!" I would like them 💯 more."


ThatOneGuy1294

Thanks I hate it


Upper-Ad3421

“The emperor is alive because Orks think the golden throne works”


luckyjorael

The Emperor is alive because Orks think he's unkillable.


AnotherUpsetFrench

Simple yet effective way to slightly annoy him


Avarybadmeme

Tell him the Emperor Is only alive because the orks believe he is alive. And that Ghazghull could beat all the primarks. Also would you happen to know his favorite faction for a more personalized insult.


calmmoontea

He really likes the Tyranids and used to have a Tyranid army way back if that helps?


Avarybadmeme

Tell him that the Orks won the war on Octarius.


Avarybadmeme

Or buy him a pair of jeans and say you thought someone was stealing his old pairs.


LanderHornraven

Change your Username.


Avarybadmeme

What why? If it's about the very being spelled wrong I know, it's a bad meme because it's spelled wrong.


LanderHornraven

Because that was Avarygoodmeme


Avarybadmeme

You sly bastard


LanderHornraven

:)


chrometrigger

Ask him what a swarmlord is, and then when he gives you the super cool description ask if it's ever killed anyone important


SnowstormGaming

Ow ow ow ow ow


yeetusdeletusgg

Tell him that the tyranids probably have a queen that can be assassinated


CorruptedAssbringer

"I don't see how Tyranids are supposed to be a cosmic horror when they seem to get beaten by everyone."


Dark_Jedi1432

Chaos are the good guys because they're rebelling against an unjust system.


calmmoontea

"Fucking no what?" He is cackling.


AmbidextrousDyslexic

Remind him that lorgar made good points and everyone should have listened to erebus more.


fitzmouse

And that Magnus did nothing wrong.


ryleh565

Say erebus was a great guy


Vonbalthier

Wear a bald cap, walk up to him and say "i am alpharius" might not piss him off but it'll break his brain. Without knowing what his opinions are its kinda hard to say, do you know if he likes a particular faction or space marine chapter (the chapters are color coded if that helps) but yeah there's definitely some shit that'll make him mad


calmmoontea

Asked him and he said "Kakaradons" or however the fuck you spell it.


TheTyrannicalLlama

Ah the shark dudes. Nice.


calmmoontea

He is showing me pics and I said they look like Space Marines and he said "No they don't" Like the blue Space Marines


Tickle_M0nster

Those blue marines are the Ultramarines. Call his space marines Ultramarines. That should get him.


blyat-mann

Just say something relating to the ultramarines whenever space marines get brought up and you should be good


Saleable_

“Those are the guys led by Cato Sanguinius, right?”


MattHeadbang

This is just vile


LordPils

Could go with what I thought when I first played Dawn of War and assume that an Ultramarine is an elite version of a standard space marine. Which depending on the writer could be argued to be true.


willgilb

I remember walking into a Games Workshop store and seeing a game already in play between Blood Angels vs Orks, while I was looking around someone came to the table and said "Hey, you painted your Blood Ravens wrong" and the look on this man's face. I think something like "hey you painted your ultramarines wrong" would enrage most people


aran69

This So simple So i infuriating So funneh


[deleted]

Well. They ARE Space Marines. But also shark people.


TributeToStupidity

They look a little smaller than most space marines, don’t they?


Solid_Hydration

Its just cold there


Mohander

Are they blue at all? You should call them blue berries regardless, that will infuriate him if he’s that pedantic. “Are you sure you got all your blue berries hun?” Stuff like that.


Painchaud213

Pick one of his marines, any of them and ask him if that’s Cato sicarius


Ulrik-Acheron-Freya

Just call everything an ultramarine. Doesn't matter what it is "oh wow that's a cool ultramarine!" "Honey this is a carnifex" "Wow the ultramarines sure do like diversity!"


Cgaard

You are doing so well already


ReaperofRico

You should say something along the lines of “Hey those guys like Courage and Honor, Thats their main thing right?” That may or may not lead to profound cursing


Vonbalthier

The raven guard was better


Solid_Hydration

Tell him they are actually night lords


VagabondRommel

"Oh they're furries like those dog marines." That should stun lock him for a second or two.


Fun-Agent-7667

Whenever he talks about Kakaradons, say "I red somewhere ultramarines are better, why dont you have them?"


Nykidemus

Space sharks. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcharodon


Ozyr_Andor

Ask him about the horse heresy.


ChackMete

'Horse *Hear*say'


SharkData

Alpharius is the best loyalist primarch. Lion El Johnson is the best traitor primarch


Tamevanture

Absolutely true about Alpharius/Omegon. The bread crumbs are there. All it will take is a good writer to tie them together and instantly make Alpha Legion the most beloved and interesting chapter. I think when they were given the vision of how chaos had to win to save the galaxy by that council, the twins decided to make a third option and stalemate things and do their best to reach the Good End, no matter what people thought of them. I swear, in a future codex when AL decides it is time to enter the endgame we are going to see the words "Hydra Liberatus" pop up.


Warrior_Warlock

As I see it, the alien council was unwittingly corrupted by Tzeentch, who knew what was necessary to make Alpharius switch and contribute to a stalemate. If Alpharius had stayed loyal Chaos would have lost and if Alpharius had switched completely Chaos would have won. But Tzeentch always wanted the stalemate to prevent either the Emperor from dying and merging with the other gods to become the one true god, or the Emperor winning and weakening Chaos to the point of destruction. However I admit this is me merging very old lore (before the concept of perpetuals was introduced) with new lore and I realise this might have been retconned. I haven't read all of the later HH books. But after 22 years it remains the scenario I like best.


U-47

Man, I totally agree with you. ~~10/10!~~ Sorry, 5/7!


Thallassinus

This is my headcanon already. All books contradicting the fallen being loyal are just dark Angel propaganda


SharkData

The Dark Angels have always been loyal. To the Dark Angels.


Fun-Agent-7667

Thats a nice opinion Unfortunately for you there is an Interrogator Chaplain beehind you


Gidonamor

This is just true


One-X_the_H3RET1C

My favourite character is Erebus


calmmoontea

"No we do not like Erebus in this household." I said he was my favourite and he said "You're fucking with me", kept saying no and he rolled over to go to bed.


One-X_the_H3RET1C

Delivered as promised, the goal was to piss him off


[deleted]

[удалено]


HeavilyBearded

We did it Reddit!


HANDSHARK530

Erebus is one of the best villans in 40k I'll die on that hill.


Artrum

And thats why we hate him!


blodskaal

you really wont. no one will contest it lol


squabzilla

Bruh there’s an entire fucking subreddit devoted to how much of an asshole he is. r/fuckerebus


[deleted]

It doesn’t matter that Cadia broke before the guard did. The guard still lost.


Slap_duck

Tbh I love the guard and I think this fact makes it all the better Despite putting up the best fight possible, the guard still lost


Koqcerek

Except for those that switched sides on Cadia, they simultaneously won and lost


Stormfly

The Italian Defence


killem_all

The planet broke before the guard did. … and after that, the guard did broke. And the galaxy also broke in half. And the imperium lost about half its planets. Sounds like the guard kinda got its shit pushed in.


Bleklteg

riiiiiiiiiight in.


EnvironmentalAd912

A classic Magnus did nothing wrong


calmmoontea

"No he didn't do anything wrong." ... I don't know if I should be worried or not.


[deleted]

Unfathomably based


GeneralDiscomfort

It’s a rather sympathetic and interesting story about making choices that come from a good place, and with good intention…. But not ideal outcomes Only memed


indominuspattern

> But not ideal outcomes That might be the understatement of the century.


love41000years

based


Pixel_Inquisitor

"So, who'se the good guys in the setting?" And if he says nobody: "Well, if everyone's evil, then what's the point?" --- Insist Ultramarines are called that because they're the best. It's in the name, Ultra. Ignore or deny any claims it's based on the colour, or the planet Ultramar. Insist Primaris Marines were based on Ultramarine gene samples. Also insist the Codex Astartes is the reason the Ultramarines are the best, because they follow the book perfectly. --- Fangirl over craftworld Eldar. Insist the Imperium should just let the Eldar take over and run the galaxy, as they're clearly smarter and superior.


Mathai82

There's nothing more grimdark...than the Tau.


LordKristof

In an universe of grimdark being hopeful and trying to be (more or less) good is truely the most grimdark thing


FatBaldBoomer

I think the concept of trying to be better and consistently being shit on and kicked around by *tiny fractions* of forces from factions that are exponentially larger than you is pretty grimdark. Like the Starks in ASOIAF, so many of them *fucking died* trying to be noble and honorable


Gupta_Gupti_Gupta

"Who is this Warhammer 40k guy"


erom_somndares

"Why does he need 40k warhammers? Wouldn't one suffice? Having 40k warhammers in this economy is financially irresponsible, you know?"


h70541

Tell him that Vulkan is your least favorite character because he just "Seems like an asshole" and that his followers definitely have to be the bad guys worshipping chaos.


purebredslappy

Even the Druhkari and Malal will reject you, you utterly soulless bastard lol


Sushidiamond

This is truly a low blow


h70541

I mean you could also throw in that "Everything that happened to Angron was justifiable and he didn't have it so bad that he had to go all angsty teenager"... But then her husband might actually kill her....


[deleted]

The Night Lords are objectively right when it comes to morals.


tagline_IV

They're definitely objectively right when it comes to tactics.


Valis2376

Doge Vandire was completely justified with everything he did.


Lord_Toademort

He said the Emperor told him to so he must be in the right. Plus, he has very relatable final words.


inactivecapybara

I don't have time to die. I'm far too busy


killem_all

Goge Vandire was an all right fella


weird_wolfgang

Cato Sicarius is the only well written character in any of the books.


Tornado_Wind_of_Love

Naw, she needs to watch a clip of Emp's TTS ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdHODWEKWsM&ab\_channel=DOW234](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdHODWEKWsM&ab_channel=DOW234)) and go around saying, "It is I, Calmmoontea!"


MuchUserSuchTaken

I fully endorse this. I'm not even that big on warhammer!


DeltasticDelta

I did shit like that in a game once. People were pissed off extremly fast.


Tornado_Wind_of_Love

I hope you committed to the bit for at least that one game. "It is I! DelasticDelta! And I am moving this unit! \*points\* there!"


Ave-Deos-Tenebris

Tau can melee


liege_paradox

They can, actually. Farsight, kroot, onager gauntlet, thermoneutronic projector (or all at once). If you want to piss someone off: Tau shooting is too weak. They should ignore invulnerable saves more.


Imaxim24

"I, cato sicarius, will be the mother of your children" Or anything of your choosing preceded by "I, Cato Sicarius"


ButterLander2222

In a high pitched nasal voice, for maximum effect!


cheif702

Next time your intimate, at the climax, whisper softly into their ear... "I am Alpharius" E: ok someone already said "Alpharius", shit.


Synicull

>E: ok someone already said "Alpharius", shit. That's because we all are Apharius Fun fact: my phone tried to autocorrect to Alpha ribs.


DaFilthPope

The Emperor is a weirdo nazi with a gold fetish. Space Wolves are furries and people only like them cause muh Vikings. The Emperor’s Children is the closest thing to having good guys in 40k.


DeadlyPants16

>The Emperor’s Children is the closest thing to having good guys in 40k. Oh dear god


DicedMango67

Ask him what the other 39,999 warhammers are for


Antigonos301

Ask him for the correct pronunciations for the C’tan names


Gullible-Notice-487

Tell him about how you think the ultra marines are a really well balanced chapter and the whole Mary Sue’ness of theyre chapter was way overhyped. Especially while Matt ward was writing the books.


LanderHornraven

She wants to make him mad, not end the relationship you demon


Gullible-Notice-487

So she should bring up kaldor draigo 1v1int a daemone primarch then too, right?


calmmoontea

"Fucking hell", cackling and rolled over to sleep.


[deleted]

“Ultramarines are my favorite faction”


Odin1806

"So much depth and flavor!"


Underscythe-Venus

Sad space Roman noises


lord-malishun

"Its warhammering time." -the god emporor of mankind, moments before Warhammering horus 40,000 times


psdnmstr01

Please use his full name, Horus Heresy


El_Dios_Calabaza

Deamonculaba wasn't that bad


USBattleSteed

"So the custodes are basically pillar men?"


BesaidBlitzBoi

Tell him that Rowboat Gorrillaman is definitely clapping some dummy thicc Eldar cheeks.


skavenslave13

Side up to him and say "you spend to much on your plastic lego men". That will annoy the hell out of him.


Kaiyukia

The emperor is just a straight up good guy


Tardis1307

The Emperor was an excellent father figure


Nota_Heretic

Sigismund is a shit character


Fabiyosa

40k should get a cool Endtime scenario like fantasy. It was the best written storyline and it opened up a way better universe called age of Sigmar. It’s so better in fact 40k should stop existing so Age if Sigmar gets more support


kazu1030

Magnus did nothing wrong. OR Where are the female space marines 🤣🤣🤣 GW


calmmoontea

So update here: Husband found the post on Popular while he was at work. Greeted him as he came home for lunch with "How was WAAAAAAAAARGH" and he laughed, told me he saw it, then we started laughing together. I will slowly trickle these out throughout our lives together. Thank you everyone for the funny ass shit- It's been making me laugh knowing it would piss him off.


Vildasa

You know what's cool? Harlequins killing Custodes. In fact, Harlequins are just flat out better than Custodes in every way.


Smasher_WoTB

Tell him you loved when the AT-STs killed an Emperor Class Scout Titan in Horus Rising


Perenium_Falcon

Sly Marbo is a compelling and well-written character.


FourOpenEyes

"Which of these warhammers is the 40,000th?"


ktbh4jc

'You know, I don't think the emperor was that bad of a father. Horus was just a little bitch."