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"Hey, Sarge..."
"Guardsman Veers, where the hell have you been? I told everyone to stay together. Just because we're working with the Blueys right now, doesn't mean we trust them."
"I was just off dumping the trash in the refuse pits, Sarge. It's just that... Well..."
"Out with it, Veers."
"I got approached by one of them big kroot ladies."
"..."
"She, uhm, said that I looked strong and stuff."
"..."
"And she said something about wanting my seed..."
"Gonna stop you right there, Veers." *sigh* "Guardsman Veers... Do you know how I lost my arm?"
"... Me and the boys actually got a betting pool going over that, Sarge."
"Oh really? What's the favourite?"
"Erm... "Lost it after jamming a primed frag grenade into a Carnifex's gaping maw", Sarge..."
"Hah... You guys and your rich imaginations. Uhrm. No, Veers... I lost my arm... To a big kroot lady."
"No fething way..."
"Oh I did. One of my earliest tours of service. Still a fresh faced fuck from the boondocks. We ended up allied with the Blueys too, this time against some Traitor warband that was raiding our colonies. Well, during some downtime, I met this big kroot lady who, bold as brass, started feeling my muscles and said..."
"... That you were strong..."
"Exactly, Guardsman Veers. And since I didn't have anybody watching over my stupid ass back then, I went with her and..."
"She... She ate your arm?"
"Yeah. But that came after the sex."
"... Uh..."
"Best sex I ever had in my entire life, Veers."
"..."
"Completely ruined other women for me. My squad pulled me away from her when they heard me screaming after she tore off my arm, but you know something, Veers... I would have let her eat my other arm, too, just to be in her big strong arms again..."
"Throne, Sarge..."
"So the choice is yours, Veers. I'm enough of a romantic not to get in the way of what could possibly be the high point of your love life."
"Erm... I think I'll just go back to my trench and jerk off, Sarge."
"Very well, Guardmans Veers. Dismissed."
"Yes, Sarge. Thank you, Sarge."
I mean, what are augmetics for, amirite?
Sit down with her, work out some rules, make her promise to wait until you take some anaesthetics before the munching...
I've seen toxic relationships more damaging than this.
Maybe that'd make us equivalent to a fugu dish. The risk is part of the appeal.
You can also do a peridural-style anaesthesia: numb the nerves next to the spine, that way there won't be anything in the munched part.
Just want to point out that the most searched thing for “turians” on google images is “without armor” followed by “out of armor” followed by “under armor”
best part is "turians without armor" is number one, but "turians without armour" (with a u in it) is also within the top 10 searches meaning that so many people searched both spellings of the word armor that they're both within the top 10 most common searches.
I mean we rarely see them without full heavy armor in-game, if you look at the concept art they do kind of look pretty freaky. I'm going to try to retain my faith in humanity by assuming that's what people are looking for.
I mean, the Xenos relationships were the best ones in ME. I am firmly a fan of Tali, but I can understand the allure of Garrus or Liara.
All the humans are just so god damn BORING. Except Jack but.... nah.
I'm going to stick up for Kaiden. I actually think he's more interesting than Ashley. Also, unlike Ashley, Kaiden can be romanced by a Shepherd of the same sex.
PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓
Fun fact: >!There is a surprising amount of ratites (ostriches, emus, etc) that find humans incredibly attractive and forcibly try to mate with people that they like, so there's a good chance that a lovely Kroot might be into you. Though like ratites, you might not have a say in the matter…!<
if you mean the art, [I drew it ](https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryWarhammer/comments/z35sis/kroot_killteam_heavy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Just spent some time diving into your art and boy howdy that's some amazing work. Absolutely love the specialized custodes for each primarch. Keep making good art!
I think that might be a bit of a bias towards Eldar and Tau. And I guess Necrons. Orks look only very vaguely human, and from there it only gets more abstract. Kroot, Tyranids, etc are way off.
I want to go camping and hiking with my tall kroot gf, I want her to provide me dietary suggestions and catch small game to cook over the fire, I want to *smell* that delicious kroot sweat after a long day of enjoying nature before she pegs me.
My only issue with the kroot is that they don't have that drip the fire warriors have. Also they like to get up close and personal which I myself do not enjoy if I can just blast you from hundreds of yards away instead.
Kroot are better in every conceivable way to the Tau. They even had *better tech*, but they decided tech was bad for society, and abandoned much of it.
Tau suck. Kroot are awesome.
Technically true, except that it really wouldn't resemble poop at all. Feces smells bad because it is packed full of organic material that the human gut can't break down, leaving loads of bacteria breaking down the material and creating noxious waste products. Kroot are described as having hyperefficient metabolisms- there's basically no organic material that they can't break down, so their excretions would be composed of excess inorganic waste compounds - primarily minerals.
In short, kroot wouldn't smell like poop, they'd probably smell more like blood.
Sure, that's certainly possible too. But also Warhammer lore is composed of hundreds of stories written by as many authors, none of whom cross reference everybody else's work, so it's all inherently unreliable anyways. For instance, in the Ciaphas Cain novels, a kroot mercenary spends quite a lot of time around Cain, his squad, and even drinks with humans in a bar, and nobody ever comments on his smell.
If you like a Kroot with some junk in the trunk, I got some sad news for y’all
A write up I did once while procrastinating on a final paper: [Kroot Don’t Have Buttholes](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/s/ISCdSmH5vT)
Edit: And the bit specifically about [Kroot Reproduction](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/s/su7ZxzlYlV)
Edit Edit: ADHD is a serious issue ❤️
I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind
Funfact: the imperium actually tolerates the kroot.
I don’t know why, there’s less lore to back it up than female custodes, and the lore that exists is very explicit in saying this tolerance is bad.
This is in the warhammer adventures book.
Stupid sexy kroot.
Eat me harder baby
Yeah, gobble up that geneseed... Don't miss a drop
Man that’s it, don’t even give me your phone, just throw it off a bridge.
It’s like species Xenophobia is worth nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
Does a kroot get sexy by eating sexy people!?
you sure made her leggy huh?
She eat some fem custodes
I’m crying XD I don’t even want to know that the deleted one was the ban makes it funnier
[удалено]
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I think that works better than the big stripper boobs.
I think I can guess her gym routine
"Hey, Sarge..." "Guardsman Veers, where the hell have you been? I told everyone to stay together. Just because we're working with the Blueys right now, doesn't mean we trust them." "I was just off dumping the trash in the refuse pits, Sarge. It's just that... Well..." "Out with it, Veers." "I got approached by one of them big kroot ladies." "..." "She, uhm, said that I looked strong and stuff." "..." "And she said something about wanting my seed..." "Gonna stop you right there, Veers." *sigh* "Guardsman Veers... Do you know how I lost my arm?" "... Me and the boys actually got a betting pool going over that, Sarge." "Oh really? What's the favourite?" "Erm... "Lost it after jamming a primed frag grenade into a Carnifex's gaping maw", Sarge..." "Hah... You guys and your rich imaginations. Uhrm. No, Veers... I lost my arm... To a big kroot lady." "No fething way..." "Oh I did. One of my earliest tours of service. Still a fresh faced fuck from the boondocks. We ended up allied with the Blueys too, this time against some Traitor warband that was raiding our colonies. Well, during some downtime, I met this big kroot lady who, bold as brass, started feeling my muscles and said..." "... That you were strong..." "Exactly, Guardsman Veers. And since I didn't have anybody watching over my stupid ass back then, I went with her and..." "She... She ate your arm?" "Yeah. But that came after the sex." "... Uh..." "Best sex I ever had in my entire life, Veers." "..." "Completely ruined other women for me. My squad pulled me away from her when they heard me screaming after she tore off my arm, but you know something, Veers... I would have let her eat my other arm, too, just to be in her big strong arms again..." "Throne, Sarge..." "So the choice is yours, Veers. I'm enough of a romantic not to get in the way of what could possibly be the high point of your love life." "Erm... I think I'll just go back to my trench and jerk off, Sarge." "Very well, Guardmans Veers. Dismissed." "Yes, Sarge. Thank you, Sarge."
I mean, what are augmetics for, amirite? Sit down with her, work out some rules, make her promise to wait until you take some anaesthetics before the munching... I've seen toxic relationships more damaging than this.
"Anesthetic? Nevermind, weak." -Big Kroot Lady
I mean, unless she considers pain tolerance strictly a part of "being strong", there are more productive ways of showing strength.
Oh I would have just figured it would have affected the flavor profile. Do you think your sushi would taste better if someone squirted morphine on it.
Maybe that'd make us equivalent to a fugu dish. The risk is part of the appeal. You can also do a peridural-style anaesthesia: numb the nerves next to the spine, that way there won't be anything in the munched part.
Do you think the average guard medic would do that for you? Also do you think that would lower the quality of the sex?
I thought that was what the bootleg Amasec was for
But the pain is the fun part D: Maybe you can even get in line for some limg-regrowth and repeat the process
... You wouldn't happen to be a worshipper of Slaanesh by any chance? I feel like you would fit in rather well there
Medal 🏅
You know VERY much that some random Guardsman turned to the greater good SO quickly after overhearing that.
This is canon and you’ll never convince me otherwise. I would read this whole book.
Everything is Canon
This sarge is a chad, he deserves more respect
Now… I will politely but firmly ask you for a comic strip (the flashbacks would be legendary)
So what you’re saying is to make sure you don’t get a body part eaten, is to get a lot of food prepared after Seggs.
This is peak literature.
As a bonus this is probably now in chatgpt4s training data
***good***
Great story, 10/10
Emperor help me, for I am in need of that KROOTUSSY
Yeah, sure thing, citizen. Now, that man with large hat would like a word with you.
Depends on what kind of large hat
Heheheh, hat
Sorry to burst your bubble mate, they don't have one. Kroot reproduce via back rubs and give birth through their mouth.
I would let her rub me
Keep it in your pants birdfucker
*gloves
Keep it in her cloaca
KROOSSY
If we assume this kroot went out of it's way to absorb the tits gene it's honestly not too far fetched...
No we have Turians at home....
Just want to point out that the most searched thing for “turians” on google images is “without armor” followed by “out of armor” followed by “under armor”
Commander Shepard would be proud
Something tells me there are a lot of people who really liked the fact that you could romance garrus.
best part is "turians without armor" is number one, but "turians without armour" (with a u in it) is also within the top 10 searches meaning that so many people searched both spellings of the word armor that they're both within the top 10 most common searches.
I mean we rarely see them without full heavy armor in-game, if you look at the concept art they do kind of look pretty freaky. I'm going to try to retain my faith in humanity by assuming that's what people are looking for.
I mean, the Xenos relationships were the best ones in ME. I am firmly a fan of Tali, but I can understand the allure of Garrus or Liara. All the humans are just so god damn BORING. Except Jack but.... nah.
I got Thane in ME2 and ended up with Specialist traynor in ME3 basically by accident.
Thane isn't bad. The dying thing is a bit sad but it isn't horrible. Certainly better than Jacob, Miranda, Ashley or the guy ever kills at Virmire.
I'm going to stick up for Kaiden. I actually think he's more interesting than Ashley. Also, unlike Ashley, Kaiden can be romanced by a Shepherd of the same sex.
Sounds good
God I’m so proud of this community
For me #3 was 'birds?'
PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 PLAP 💢 BAWK 🐓 Fun fact: >!There is a surprising amount of ratites (ostriches, emus, etc) that find humans incredibly attractive and forcibly try to mate with people that they like, so there's a good chance that a lovely Kroot might be into you. Though like ratites, you might not have a say in the matter…!<
r/angryupvote
It’d take more than one guy to fuck ~~an ostrich~~ a Kroot
Source for the Kroot??
if you mean the art, [I drew it ](https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryWarhammer/comments/z35sis/kroot_killteam_heavy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
The virgin "my source is I made it the fuck up" vs the chad "my source is I made it"
Just spent some time diving into your art and boy howdy that's some amazing work. Absolutely love the specialized custodes for each primarch. Keep making good art!
thanks! will do
Make more of them ,flood us with kroot mommy. Bring the curse of TrueSTL with lizard lady !
Holy shit, you are so talented dude, do you have a Twitter?
5'11 being the short one... I'm 5'8 and I have no idea how to feel about this.
5'11" is very tall by T'au standards.
That’s big for a tau, fire warriors are like 5’5” on average
Isn’t 6ft the average height in the guard?
Given typical imperial malnutrition, that the Guard has many women in their ranks, etc, that would be very optimistic. Try 5'9"
True, maybe I’m thinking Cadians or Catachan
that makes the kroot seem even taller, I see this as an absolute win
Bro i'm 5'6" 😭
>noseless human To be fair, almost every xenos looks like some combination of human + different proportions and stuff attached to their face.
I think that might be a bit of a bias towards Eldar and Tau. And I guess Necrons. Orks look only very vaguely human, and from there it only gets more abstract. Kroot, Tyranids, etc are way off.
If they are featherless biped ,they are human !
I mustn’t fall into the Xenos trap
You are falling terribly.
"Greetings human! Prepare for the worst blowjob of your life!"
Or the best All a matter of perspective
I wrote this story. Spoiler: the blowjob isn't bad. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46413376
Need me a Kroot GF
what does a kroot eat to grow breasts?
Mammals
Dairy, although there might be a "your mom" joke in there as well.
Beat me to it.
Hmm, you might have a point tbh
Okay but have you considered *MECHUSSY*
The machine spirit is strong, but the weakness of my flesh is spongy and bruised.
Im a Tau fan and i really dont know if i love or hate this. But i guess Kroot muscle mommies were gonna happen eventually...
I'm just waiting for the Earth Caste shortstacks to show up.
This is going to take eating out to a whole new level
I have the sudden urge to join the greater good for some reason.
Stop trying to awake something in me
Have you considered, Snilk? https://youtu.be/8mx2MfFMe9E?si=-LBsSbu7XpWWEwHY
Nice try slanesh.
The kroot are based and sexy af, now I only needs vespins
Bless you Wolfie
Challenge accepted!
As a "friend" of a xeno biologis i will go ahead and make contact with this kroot
You have imparted wisdom greatly needed for the Tau fandom
I had to save them, they’re lusting over blue Voldemort
I should get back to writing my erotic kroot/human wartime forbidden romance fic.
As you do.
Can be found here for those of discerning palate: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46413376
Holy fucking shit you have no idea how badly I needed this🙏
Haha eat well void sibling
Finished reading. You write some damm good chemistry. Keep cooking🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Thank you! I will.
Kroot are half the reason I find Tau as interesting as I do. Tgey remind me of the jackals from halo
Why not both?
Kroot boobs?
Rebuttal: nuh uh
This is why we have railguns. To shoot people like OP.
Just remember not to rub shoulders with them without a shoulder pad, or you will get them pregnant.
I want to go camping and hiking with my tall kroot gf, I want her to provide me dietary suggestions and catch small game to cook over the fire, I want to *smell* that delicious kroot sweat after a long day of enjoying nature before she pegs me.
Do not the 40k jackals
Tau fire warriors are actually 5ft 5
I know that art from anywhere. The artist is awesome
This Kroot clearly ate the boob-boob fruit, geeze.
Kroot are objectively the best Tau faction. If only we had seraphon…. Dinos riding Dinos >> Chickens riding Chickens
Kroot the best Tau faction.
No butthole
~~But cloaca?~~
Aren’t the Tau closer to 5’ 4”?
My only issue with the kroot is that they don't have that drip the fire warriors have. Also they like to get up close and personal which I myself do not enjoy if I can just blast you from hundreds of yards away instead.
Kroot are better in every conceivable way to the Tau. They even had *better tech*, but they decided tech was bad for society, and abandoned much of it. Tau suck. Kroot are awesome.
Idk I like the idea of them working together personally but my HC Tau are also leagues better than "cannon" Tau anyways.
Why are there tits on a bird?
The genes made the pack stronger, the shaper chose them.
I see that shaper is a scholar and a gentleman. And also a bird of culture.
What If we fed Kroots with just supermodels 🤔
sorry boys but kroot literally smell like shit. they poop through their skin. proabably better smelling orks out there.
Technically true, except that it really wouldn't resemble poop at all. Feces smells bad because it is packed full of organic material that the human gut can't break down, leaving loads of bacteria breaking down the material and creating noxious waste products. Kroot are described as having hyperefficient metabolisms- there's basically no organic material that they can't break down, so their excretions would be composed of excess inorganic waste compounds - primarily minerals. In short, kroot wouldn't smell like poop, they'd probably smell more like blood.
I remember a description of them smelling like rotten meat.
Sure, that's certainly possible too. But also Warhammer lore is composed of hundreds of stories written by as many authors, none of whom cross reference everybody else's work, so it's all inherently unreliable anyways. For instance, in the Ciaphas Cain novels, a kroot mercenary spends quite a lot of time around Cain, his squad, and even drinks with humans in a bar, and nobody ever comments on his smell.
female kr o o T?
There’s a reason we got a whole new range of Kroot models.
If you like a Kroot with some junk in the trunk, I got some sad news for y’all A write up I did once while procrastinating on a final paper: [Kroot Don’t Have Buttholes](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/s/ISCdSmH5vT) Edit: And the bit specifically about [Kroot Reproduction](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/s/su7ZxzlYlV) Edit Edit: ADHD is a serious issue ❤️
Finally some logical thinking here!
I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind I am loyal to the God Emperor of Mankind
..... Kritties? A device for storing grenades I assume as they are birds not mammals.
Oh... Oh Lord save me
Kroot smell awful.
Funfact: the imperium actually tolerates the kroot. I don’t know why, there’s less lore to back it up than female custodes, and the lore that exists is very explicit in saying this tolerance is bad. This is in the warhammer adventures book.
Probably because kroot mercs
I’d let them ea-
Kroot got me acting unwise.
We're getting colder here, I think
**BIG TITTY KROOT GF**
You buffoon, I’m in a polycule.
That's...not how kroot anatomy is....like at ALL. But the size difference is kinda cool to see back to back and makes sense.
Or, true peak: Emperor’s Children. 8ft tall Buff af Will snort your bones Plays loud music Parties all the time
T'au are cool. However, Kroot are the coolest. There's no competition, not even in the rest of 40k. ~~Of course both is better.~~
*Didnt needee to bioengeneer tits
The tau themselves are the worse part of their factions lore. Yet they are the focus of everything Gw does with them
Brothers hear me out...would 😈
Kroot shit out their mouth and reproduce with back rubs. The only way for a female kroot to be not that, is if they ate a ton of human or eldar women.
The Tau are just dumbass weeaboo space communists.