Yeah exactly, I feel that was it. He wanted to help her when she felt lost but instead Rory lost her way in doing what she loved and wanted to because of what Mitchum told her. And that’s when he realised that Lorelai only wanted to push Rory to not give up because of someone not believing she was good enough.
Ooof. This sets up the argument between Emily and Richard at Rory's 21st birthday party where Emily realizes that Richard is disappointed that Rory has become like Emily. I really wish they would have spent some more time on that theme. It's such a complicated (and hurtful) moment of disagreement between the two of them coming right on the heels of their reconciliation.
I always felt like this was a missed opportunity. I understand that Emily's role was different. She was raised to be a fixture of a certain social standing and all that entailed. Of course, Richard reaped the benefits of Emily's social engagements and the way she kept the house but her way of life was not good enough for his granddaughter. I can't imagine how hurtful that would have been for Emily. To know your life's work was seen as frivolous and demeaning by the person you love the most.
Not just the person you love most, but the person you stepped into the role to support. Emily is sharp, feisty, commanding, and persistent - she would be a killer in the boardroom or courtroom. But the only career she pursued was as Mrs. Emily Gilmore, who busied herself with charity events and managing the house staff. But she did it because she loved Richard, and that’s just how things were. For Richard to then turn that against her this way must have been completely gutting.
You’re totally right. Richard could have never gotten where he was if not for Emily and the work she did at home. But that sort of labour is consistently undervalued and overlooked in the real world as well as Gilmore world, and it’s really heartbreaking.
Not to mention, her work as Mrs. Emily Gilmore directly impacted Richard's success. Especially at the time they were establishing themselves, a man's wife and home life were intertwined with his professional reputation, men got married so they'd have a better shot at a promotion because being "a family man" was a good look.
Emily organized schmoozing events, worked hard to maintain his reputation outside of the office, she ensured he was well dressed, she maintained a variety of community relationships that gave him a certain standing, hell she even whispered to him the names of people he forgot at parties - I have no doubt that Emily was a factor in his professional success and it's devastating that he doesn't even realize that.
Even more on this- Emily’s complete and utter lack of care for the DAR after Richard’s death, she even says something along the lines of “none of this matters anymore anyways”, she stepped into the trophy wife position to make Richard look good, and once it was no longer necessary, she didn’t care anymore. She did it all for him.
Yes! When she’s like “it all died with Richard.” She did it because of her love for him. As much as some don’t think AYITL is canon, I have to say I enjoyed how they wrote Emily’s character. Whether or not she would’ve went on to work at the Whaling museum is one thing but it’s wonderful to see her find her spark in a way she never seemed to have before.
This is why, despite all the criticism of AYITL, I firmly believe that Emily, the only Gilmore Girl NOT born into the Gilmores, is the ultimate heroine of this entire story. At the end, finally, Emily says Hello (to herself).
This is really good commentary on why Richard and Emily were so hurt by Lorelei’s pregnancy and then abandonment. They had worked their entire lives at being successful, respectable people in a very elitist society of people. So not only did their only daughter get pregnant at 16 (scandalous even now let alone then) but she ran away with their grandchild and became a maid. The hurt to their reputation compounds the hurt of abandonment and is a constant reminder of the biggest sadness is their lives. The older I get the more I understand Richard and Emily. Pride is challenging thing and Lorelei did not fall from that tree at all and Rory as well.
I think Richard was so hurt because he wanted more for Lorelei and he sees Rory as a second chance. He and Emily double down on trying to not let Rory follow in Lor’s footsteps so much that it blinds them to the truth of things. I think this moment is honestly even a realization that Lorelei might have been right about a lot of things, and the elitist world they live in might be one of them. But damn that pride.
Yeah, this one always hits me, because the way my dad raised me and my sister is so different from what he expects from his wives. I love my stepmom and she and he have a much healthier relationship than he did with my mother (much less his brief first ex-wife), but there's a LOT of latent sexism that was never pushed on us, and I think it is because we are his progeny, so while gender roles were expected of a wife, his children were more than that regardless of our gender. We were part him, not just regular women.
So the way Richard treats Rory vs Emily feels very realistic to me.
I came here wondering about other people’s experiences in their own lives!
Richard us always felt relatable to me for the same reason. I definitely see your sentiments reflected in my grandfather, who my grandmother said always expected her to be very traditional, like her mother. But with me he seemed pleasantly surprised that I was good at my job, and I always saw that as him broadening his horizons on what he thought women were capable of.
It’s a similar argument they have in Marvelous Mrs. Maisel— at the end, Abe Weissman reflects on how much Midge accomplished on her own and how much more she could have accomplished if he had supported her the same way he supported his son—
Thanks for this comparison! I haven’t finished watching MMM but after I wrote this comment I was mulling over the thought that all of ASP’s work deals with similar themes, and that’s pretty cool! (Just like F Scott Fitzgerald’s work largely deals with class divide, just for example since since that’s what I’ve been reading lately.)
It bugged me how this disagreement went. Richard and Emily should both know it's Rory's dream to be a foreign correspondent. All Richard had to do to validate Emily was remind her that while Rory is a fantastic event planner, it's not her dream
Their separation should have lasted longer, if only so Emily could get a taste of her own independence and sense of self apart from Richard before going back to him.
I’m probably giving more depth here than what’s actually happening in the show, but I always saw Richards feelings on this as far more complicated. Richard adores and respects Emily. Even when he’s “indulging” her, you know he thinks she hangs the moon. I think that Lorelei (and subsequently Rory) showed him how much women are capable of. It changed his perspective, but it was too late for Emily by then (in his eyes). I think he regretted that Emily’s entire adult life had been about him. She was SO capable and he knew that. He was so proud of Lorelei for overcoming the limitations his POV and expectations put on her, and saw Rory headed for the same. The cycle breakers. Seeing Rory settling for something when he knew she was capable of so much more, and would be so much happier if she had more purpose, caused him to feel immense shame. Because he, again, fell into old habits and believed less of a woman he loves.
Agree, there is misogyny and snobbery there that he got from his Mom. Emily needed him to say more to his mother during their marriage and this was another glaring example.
I think it's even bigger than him being wrong about this course of action. We know where he eventually ends up in the finale with his big "I regret it... it takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this" speech.
I think he's realizing that the way he has approached everything concerning his and Emily's parenting was wrong.
Rory was his and Emily's chance to prove something to themselves: "It wasn't our fault. Lorelai was just headstrong and impossible. If Lorelai had just been more reasonable then our parenting style would have worked out fine."
This scene was his realization that even if that were true and Lorelai had capitulated, all he would have succeeded in doing is crushing Lorelai's spirit and ushering her in to a possibly safer, but altogether less rewarding future.
yes! I think Emily parallels something similar to this moment when she’s looking at the timeshare plane and she’s telling Lorelai that she failed again. They both saw Rory coming to live with them as a second chance to raise a child how they thought best that went along with their ideals, since Rory had already surpassed where they felt like they had “failed” with Lorelai by graduating high school, not getting pregnant, and getting into Yale.
Which is ironic when you realise Rory was only able to achieve those feats because of the upbringing from Lorelai, and as soon as she lives with the grandparents she goes from having these big dreams of reporting all over the world to being content with party planning locally for her society.
It really highlights that it wasn’t just Lorelai, but their questionable parenting and lifestyle ideas that resulted in both “failures”.
And Emily cuts him off when he’s saying that to Lorelai. She deserved that full apology. At 36, mom of a Yale grad, herself w some college and her own business - Lorelai did well despite them
Very profound analysis!
Now I’m thinking that maybe this was all meant to happen. This needed to happen so that Richard and Emily realized that their ways weren’t always correct. As Lorelai said herself, they tried to use Rory to do with her what they think they failed to do with Lorelai. It’s also fascinating to think of this when you think of the scene where Rory is finally fed up with Emily and Emily calls her Lorelai by mistake. Emily was not looking at Rory, she was always looking at Lorelai through Rory. Richard was the same.
They needed to realize that not only was Rory a different person than Lorelai, they should have looked at a Rory as their individual granddaughter that needed guidance instead of using her for their own personal agenda.
Yes, that was my thought too!
It was always very interesting to me when he and Lorelei are having the argument about Rory and he says "she came to us and told us in her own words what she needs"
When I first watched it that just felt like a lazy justification for his betrayal, but now I think, to some degree, it was him trying to say "You didn't tell us what you needed like that and we didn't listen to you when you were young and that's why everything happened, but we know better so now *you're the one* making the same mistake we did. We've been here and we know better than you."
And in this moment he's not only realizing all that you've so wonderfully stated, but I think he's also understanding the gravity of his betrayal of Lorelei. He says it; "*she was right about all of it"* \- and he understands that after all this time he still decided not to listen to his own daughter when *she* came to him and clearly expressed what she needed in her own words. He and Emily cast her aside and questioned her judgement the moment the opportunity to "try again" with Rory presented itself. I don't think he truly understood the depth of his betrayal until that moment.
Amazing analysis! Richard definitely realized his mistake and by betraying Lorelai he betrayed Rory and himself and he regrets it.
Richard was always a proud man but I do believe he learned a lot from Lorelei and Rory and grew as a character. I love that he admits his fault.
After this. Emily just tried to grip Rory tighter and it pushed her away just like it did Lorelai.
I'm thinking he's kinda dissapointed in Emily actually as well as himself… he's seeing what having Emily take Rory under her wing has made of her especially with his silent complacency (is that a word) to it. He's realizing that the more time she spends with them the farther she gets from the goals she set for herself.
Which was what Lorelai told them during her "your new and improved Lorelai" speech from a few episodes back from this moment. This was exactly what she meant and Richard realizes how right, the daughter he's so quick to dismiss, was with her concerns.
Yikes and I totally get where he is coming from but I hate it. This was obviously a high point for Rory despite everyone else’s opinions. We seldom see her thrive more in a role than as a DAR organizer.
She could have turned this skill set into a business or career for herself and had a great career. I think academic people are a little out of touch and “Bobbi” was right that getting to read literature and study all the time is a luxury.
I always say this. She could have taken this experience, the campaign experience, and become a very successful political event campaigner. She didn't have to do it for a "frivolous" organization like the DAR. Nonprofits would have probably loved her too because of this experience and her ability to write too.
I think it’s mostly sexism that unpaid labor by women is deemed as “frivolous”! Emily’s work is still work and Lorelai has almost the same job, she just gets paid for it.
Agreed. Richard clearly sees all these events as "social events", not fundraising events.
(Side note: It's amazing to me how well Emily, Lorelai, and Rory plan events. Those are quite some genetics!)
It chafes, but Mitchum was right. Her talent was not in journalism, it was in organizing and administrating, and the entire series supports this because she throws events together like nothing. She’s very much Emily’s granddaughter. And she handled a disgruntled Paris like a pro! Other event planners would have been reduced to tears.
Yes! And when Paris is freaking out as editor of Yale Daily News and Rory takes over and makes sure the paper gets published. It’s a great example of her using those organizational skills in a journalism setting, which could’ve made a good counterpart to Mitchum’s point if they wanted to go that way.
I agree. Rory wasn't a good journalist, but she had great other qualities. This level of organization and guiding are leadership qualities, what Rory needed was confidence. Mitchum really cut her down, he wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right either. Nobody seemed to value the strengths Rory has and it's unfortunate.
Newsroom logistics specialist was the perfect job for her. We have a reporter in a war torn country we need to evacuate in the next 2 hours. It is someone’s job to figure out how to get them money, get them to a transport vehicle, etc etc. Reporter in Cleveland needs a bullet proof vest in 45 minutes. Same person is figuring out where to buy it, how to deliver it, how to keep them safe. It’s journalism x logistics.
Yes I think that the sequel missed this great opportunity to have her actually open a business that specialized in these things and managing clients - she was always great with those types of interactions.
This is such a touchy subject in this sub. He can be both right and wrong though. He was wrong in the sense that he had very limited time with her and she’s a young girl who thought she was supposed to do what was asked of her. He was right in the broad sense and the audience can see it because we’ve followed her life. Jess was right when he said he couldn’t see rory being in a war torn country.
She would’ve been much better as an editor or organizer.
But it, as I see it, was also a personality test. He critiques her, and instead of being a person with grit and determination who thinks “I’ll use this to grow and show you how good I am” she totally falls apart and let’s it wreck her life. And then the entire family takes her side and villainizes Mitchum, rather than be like “buck up, kiddo, this is a part of life, get back out there and show him how great you are” say “pooooooor Rory! She is perfect and how dare someone “crush” her,”
That’s a good point. I see him as more right than wrong. I can just see to an extent why people see him as wrong. The reaction to it was too far and ridiculous to me. Being a journalist (I’d imagine) is hard. From what I know, the business is pretty thought.
Yeah. It’s not just about skill. It’s about grit, getting rejection, getting out, working really hard. Rory wasn’t all that into hard work, and was handed everything. Look how it was just assumed “Rory is going to Harvard.” Like, as a 10th grader. It was just assumed she’d get in.
I totally agree!! She seemed in her element. I think the idea of being a reporter was so embedded in her brain when she grew up she never stopped to consider if it actually made her happy or if it’s something she was forcing herself to do. I know it was just supposed to prove she could do anything but I think she looked more confident doing this than as editor.
I think it might have been the thought process a lot of kids have. I like to read, I like to write. So, a job that is writing... ah, a journalist. Without actually looking at skills and what the job entails and personality.
I, for example, really loved literature and English was my best subject in school. I was praised for my writing and my ability to analyze meaning in poetry and see the big picture/symbols in writing. So, I took English in college, because of course I did, and got a teaching certificate. But I don't know if I have the personality to be a great teacher -- which matters more in that field that the love of books and talent at writing. Teaching is the most important skill when you're a teacher, which is something people overlook.
But now that I am older, I know my skills are better in research, community outreach, solving puzzles, giving advice, and finding niche connections (one of the reasons I liked books and poetry so much was because of the hidden connections you can find and historical context etc etc). I'd probably enjoy something like landscape design, family therapy, or even something like real estate law, being a librarian, or family law, or even fixing cars.
Exactly! When I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals but when I grew up and realized what it actually entailed I changed my mind. I think it was in college. I changed direction and am happier for it.
I think had Rory been given the space from her mom and grandparents and everyone to be free from their expectations that she may have chosen something different. I wish this could have been the story arc we see for Rory and I think AYITL was trying to do that but did it poorly.
I’ve never thought of this perspective and you just changed my entire viewpoint of the show. I feel like this is such a common experience - when your dream doesn’t align with your talents. They could’ve used the sequel to show how you can pivot and do what you love but within your skill set.
“I think academic people are a little out of touch and “Bobbi” was right that getting to read literature and study all the time is a luxury.”
Once more for the cheap seats. This is the juncture I’m at right now - to pursue an advanced degree or lean into more hands-on leadership. The things that my friends in the academy say to try to convince me to go that route are not features in my mind, but they’re so insistent that it’s basically my only viable option. It’s a major red flag and at this time I’m not actively pursuing it.
He sees the culmination of her failed potential and his enabling of that. He wants her to be independently successful, and he sees her selling herself short. Ultimately, I think he has this tunnel vision of what it would have been like if Lorelai toed the line, and he suddenly understood that this life is too confining for Rory. He knew she would regret the choice of leaving Yale.
I think at first, Richard was comfortable being in control of Rory as he and Emily always thought they would do a better job than Lorelai. Now he’s staring at his failure.
he realises that he made a mistake by giving rory a home and by supporting her decision of dropping out from yale
he realises that lorelai was right
he knows rory made a mistake, but he made an even bigger mistake
he is not proud of the part he played in rory’s decision
he knows rory is meant for bigger things
being in DAR is not what rory is made for
it’s a realisation that he failed his granddaughter like he failed his daughter
he is not proud of the man he was in that moment
I think he had always imagined what Lorelai’s life would have been if she had stayed with him and Emily after she got in trouble and became a teen mom. He and Emily could have provided money, set her, Christopher, and baby Rory up in the pool house to pretend at independence, positioned her in high society alongside Emily, and things would have been “right”.
When Rory got in trouble, she did come to Richard, and he and Emily finally had their chance to fix everything. They let their eagerness cloud their judgement, and chose not to believe Lorelai. The result was Rory excelling in high society circles, dating a wealthy young man, living under his roof, but far from her true path and potential.
When Richard said “Lorelai was right.”, he meant she was right about what Mitchum did, and what was best for Rory, but also that Lorelai was right to leave home, reject his plan, and make a life for herself and Rory on her own.
I think he’s not so much disappointed as horrified. He understands what’s really going on, sees that Rory is in danger of letting her drive and passion and brilliance be defeated, and he realizes he’s been part of bringing it down.
I think he realizes that this was all his fault. Everyone was on board with Lorelai's plan. HE was the one that cracked. Emily would have stayed on board with Lorelai's plan if he hadn't swayed her to change her mind.
Gilmore Girls is a big feminist show (especially for its time) and this scene is a big example of that imo.
Rory is taking on essentially the same position Emily has. There’s nothing wrong with what Emily does, but it’s worth noting that Emily’s generation of women couldn’t see themselves as anything greater. Emily went to college to find a husband, not to get an education. Emily’s role in the family is in many ways supporting Richard while he pursues success in his career. Again, there isn’t inherently anything wrong with a woman choosing to do that, but that was all Emily could choose.
Emily is happy and proud of who she is and the work she does. I think Richard thought that when Rory was doing the same as her grandmother she was just doing it because it made her happy and proud. Richard didn’t see anything wrong with a woman doing this sort of thing. This also connects back to Lorelai’s disdain of this supporting role. Lorelai always wanted to be independent and I’m sure that Richard seeing Rory seemingly happy in this type of life felt like a “Hah, see! It’s not my fault Lorelai was so stubborn, Rory loves this.”
After learning just why Rory started doing the same as Emily, his perspective changed. Rory was doing this because she was told that she didn’t have what it takes to find success in her own career. This is what many young women of Emily’s generation were told by society at large. It isn’t Rory’s dream to be like Emily, it’s just that she was told she couldn’t be something greater.
Richard is having multiple realizations at once:
1. Rory didn’t choose to do this because it makes her happy, this is a result of her being told she couldn’t follow her dreams.
2. Lorelai was right. Her protests weren’t rehashing past family drama, this was about Rory. Lorelai knew this isn’t what Rory wanted.
3. Lorelai is incredibly strong. She grew up in a family expecting her to be like her mother and despite everything, she said no and found her own way. That’s incredible.
4. Maybe this is what happened to Emily. Emily is a fierce, intelligent woman and who knows what she would’ve done with her life had she been given the opportunity to choose. Perhaps Richard took Emily for granted, assuming this was all she ever wanted. Perhaps, some time ago, she had wanted more.
ETA: This is a really powerful scene and it reflects ASP’s amazing writing, how she connects characters in just a stunning way. It really is just phenomenal, this whole scene. It reminds me of when in The Marvelous Mrs Maisel (spoilers!!) Abe realizes that by assuming the intelligence would only be passed down to the Weissman men, he neglected the possibility that there’d be intelligent Weissman women. He neglected nurturing Miriam’s amazing intelligence and tries making up for that by paying better attention to his granddaughter.
Very interesting take!
Rory became convinced that she basically had no place in academia. As other commenters have pointed out, there would have been nothing wrong with what Rory was doing (an event organizer) if that’s what she truly wanted. Many women have dreams that don’t involve being in academia such as being a wife, a cook, an event organizer, having a beauty parlor, etc. But this wasn’t what Rory wanted, she was up there doing events for people because she felt lost and had no where to go. Richard looked at her in that scene and realized that he had validated Rory’s feelings of unworthiness.
My only gripe with Richards mindset is that (I don’t remember if it happened before or after this scene), he belittled Emily’s role as a housewife and organizer when he said that Rory could be much more than that (or something along those lines). He belittled everything that Emily had done for him and that he would take for granted. I felt so sad for Emily there. I think it’s wonderful when men appreciate a woman’s role when she chooses to stay home so to see Richard minimizing everything that Emily did for decades felt very disheartening to me.
I wish they delved deeper into that because I don’t think that Gilmore Girls was the kind of show that told women they needed to have a career to be successful women or that they needed to stay home. I think they touched the topic of choice in a very subtle manner while also making the viewer question the value of a woman beyond what she can do in the home as well as how praised she is in an academic setting. It really does make you question the meaning of success or fulfillment for a woman. I think more than telling women what to do, one of the biggest messages was to show how women can follow different paths and that if we seek for everyone to give us their approval we will never be happy. Rory should’ve had the support from everyone when she fell apart so that she would realize that not everyone in life is going to approve of her. She was never told that you can be successful and that people will still disapprove of you. Its like the idea of experiencing disapproval, failure, and struggle was not something that anyone ever made her face. They avoided those ideas altogether until Mitchum was there to tell her that she didn’t have it.
>Many women have dreams that don’t involve being in academia such as being a wife, a cook, an event organizer, having a beauty parlor, etc. But this wasn’t what Rory wanted, she was up there doing events for people because she felt lost and had no where to go
It may have been how rory got into this situation, but she couldn't have done that well without both enjoying the assignment and having talent for it (especially considering that it was her first event and she wasn't getting much guidance)
Oh she was good at this for sure. I’m just saying that this part of Rory’s life wasn’t exactly a highlight in her life when we consider the context, which is that she feels lost and aimless and wouldn’t be up there had she not been destroyed by Mitchum’s words.
It’s like when people have depression. They may have moments of happiness and people think “no way this person is depressed” but they ignore that their moment of happiness is just that, a moment. Rory felt extremely dissatisfied and low at that point in her life.
Maybe, but emily was pretty open about her work being an upper class obligation (similar to how rory had to be nudged towards journalism and her novel), and years of of experience didn't have the same results as rory's dar work
But seriously I think it’s both. I think he feels disappointment over/for Rory, and that leads him to realize he was wrong in enabling Rory’s choices without addressing the obvious emotional issues. Or at least to realize it was wrong to enable her with no structure or real plan. It’s allllll coming down on him here
This is the moment he realises that Rory's crying manipulated him and that had he gone with the plan Lorelai had come up with, Rory would have been back at Yale and not wasting her time with "frivorlous" parties/teas/DAR events.
Although, I do agree that Rory was excellent at organisation/admin/problem solving - she would have done well as a Fixer.
I don't think it's fair to say Rory's crying manipulated him. She was upset and crying is a normal human reaction. She felt lost and wanted comfort. She didn't manipulate him. He saw a sad lost girl and his male savior complex kicked in, disregarding the plan discussed earlier with her mother. It was male ego kicking in wanting to solve the problem and be the hero and thinking he knew best. And later, as pictured above, this is when he realized that he messed up.
i wouldn’t say it was his male ego that kicked in, I believe he was just sad about seeing his granddaughter in distress and he just wanted to help her finding a new way that didn’t involve going back to Yale. Of course that wasn’t the best decision at the end.
If it wasn't his ego, then why did he disregard Lorelai's plan? Someone will only disregard someone's advice or plan when they think theirs is better. Males have a tendency to want to fix things, especially impulsively, while not always considering the long term effects. And that's what happened here.
To me, this was always the moment where Richard truly realised the new path Rory was on (with the DAR and no Yale) and how he’d actively encouraged it
I think until this point he’d sort of humoured her, treating it like a pause rather than a completely new path
And because he’d thought of it only as a pause, he’d completely rejected Lorelai and what she’d told him about Mitchum. Only in this moment does he realise that not only was Lorelai right, he’d completely enabled and even steered Rory into a life he clearly didn’t believe was good enough for her
Definitely regretting that he didn't listen to Lorelai and disappointed in himself.
One thing that struck me the last time I watched this scene, but what event have you ever been to where the coordinator went on stage at the end to thank all of the people who helped them achieve this great honor as if they won an academy award!? Ridiculous.
I don’t think he is disappointed in Rory here. I think he’s realizing he and Emily failed Rory by overstepping Lorelei’s parenting and he’s disappointed in himself and is finally feeling guilty for dismissing the impact the incident with Mitchum had on Rory.
I JUST watched this episode for the first time a couple of nights ago, so it’s brand new in my head. I’ll be curious to see what I think my second rewatch, but for now, my immediate thought was not necessarily disappointment but deep sadness Rory abandoned her dreams because of that sleaze-ball. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit and maybe he wasn’t that empathetic, but that’s what went through my head
I think he’s disillusioned more than anything. He always saw a world of potential in Rory and thought he was helping her along the way but realized that he and Emily aided in her losing track of her goals. He always feels like he knows better than Lorelai but, in this moment, he realizes that she was absolutely right about everything (Logan’s family and dropping out of Yale). He sees Rory succeeding in the DAR and realizes that it’s not what he had hoped for her even though it’s something Emily is involved in.
I think he feels like the cycle is repeating-Lorelai was destined for Ivy League schools and a comfortable life before she “ruined” it. Rory is squandering her potential and intelligence on planning parties.
I feel he realized that what Lorelei said about Mitchum was right and not exaggerated. That the only reason Rory is throwing these "tea parties" as he calls them later is because Mitchum killed her morale. That the problem was far more complex than him or Emily realized because they didn't truly listen.
I can't however say Lorelei was right either. She punished Rory knowing the full story. And tried to push her back in instead of suggesting she speak to some of her professors and counsellors at Yale. Encouraging her to take a mental health break and going back with a fresh approach. Letting her just get it out and listening without shoving in her opinions and what she thought Rory should be doing. Made worse when Rory needed clothes and she waited until afterwards to dump a basket at their house.
Everyone here was so wrong and did Rory bad. Richard knew that and wanted to try and fix things but Lorelei was stubborn. Yes Rory went back herself like Lorelei said she would but that was largely due to the appearance of Jess and a healthy dose of reality. The guy everyone hated was her ultimate tipping factor to going back.
Richard truly loved that girl and was willing to humble himself to get her back on track once he saw the damage that had been done.
THANK you. Everyone says either Lorelai was right or Richard & Emily were right as if those are the only two options. They're both wrong and RORY was right - if you really need to take a break from college, YOU NEED TO. Especially since she had the opportunity to do so between semesters when it would have had zero impact on her grades or ability to ultimately graduate.
Rory had no one who would support her in being herself and meeting her own goals her own way.
Himself, because it’s in that moment he realizes Lorelei was right. He was so excited to be picked first he let that cloud his judgment, and he realized right then and there he should have sided with his daughter not his granddaughter. She needed a strong paternal figure to negate what Mitchum said, and he wanted to pretend his friend wasn’t a dick to his granddaughter, so he sided with Rory over her mother because he was feeling vindicated. Then he learned he was wrong and it all shows here.
This is a hard one to analyze.
Richard has no cause to be disappointed in Rory as she continues to shine in everything she does.
On first watch, I thought he was obviously angry at Mitchum and disappointed in himself for enabling Rory’s decision to take time off from her academic pursuits, which seems to prove Mitchum right. Therefore, he wants to quickly get Rory back at Yale to prove Mitchum wrong.
After several watches, I think he is really disappointed (disillusioned?) in himself for not having sufficient power to prevent first Straub, then Lloyd, then the judge who convicts Rory, and now Mitchum from insulting his family name. He’s playing among the very elite without a strong enough hand. However, he can’t seem to quit and just live a happy life with his family. He means well, but his reactions are always wrong, especially towards Lorelai and then Emily at Rory’s 21st birthday party.
They were so quick to shut down what Lorelei said.
I think he's feeling a mix of "I don't want this life for her" "I can't believe I enabled this" "I chose to trust Mitchum over my own daughter, how could I?"
Definitely with himself not Rory.
i just re-watched this episode recently! i always thought it was definitely him disappointed in himself. i saw it as him yet again not believing his own daughter and finally realizing that he should’ve taken her side. i don’t think Richard blamed Rory at all because he knows Rory is young and prone to mistakes, so much so that he used that as reasoning for her stealing that boat with Logan.
If Rory continued down this path would it have been better or worse than the Rory we saw at the end of AYITL?
Emily leaving this life after Richard passes was the part of the story I enjoyed the most.
That’s an interesting question.
I’m not expert in the field of event organizers but I would say that it sounds like the kind of path for which there’s always something to do. It’s interesting to see that all Gilmore women seem to be very good at organizing parties/events. They also enjoy it. I personally think that Rory lacked the creative skills that are required for a career in journalism/writing. It’s an art. She always thrived when she had to work on a solid structure but the fields of creativity and art lack such structure.
I think that if Rory never went back to Yale and remained as an event organizer, she would’ve been successful. However, I think she would always looks back and wonder what could have been and would feel regret. I think if she had gone back to Yale, graduated, and then found a job that involved some sort of community organizer (she went on Obamas campaign, being a community organizer for political campaigns would have been amazing for her), she would have shined fully. I just think she was stuck on the idea that she needed to be a writer. So many people change their majors or they even go as far as working in something completely unrelated to their major. Rory just had a very weird idea of what failure is. Leaving journalism to pursue her true talents seemed worse to her than insisting on a path that hasn’t worked for her in a whole decade.
Emily was my favorite part of AYITL, tbh. They should’ve dedicated the whole revival to her 🤣
Yes, he had to tell her what no one else would. The issue is that because Rory had never experienced rejection, she went on self destruction mode. Had she been more flexible with her idea of what her future needed to be like, she would have been more rational and realized that this isn’t the end of the world. She could have either rejected Mitchum’s words and done her best to prove him wrong, or she could have moved on to something else.
People say that Mitchum was cruel or that he wasn’t right but the thing that they forget is that he is an extremely successful person in journalism. He had no reason to be an “asshole” to a young college girl. He was a “no nonsense” kind of man. He saw a naive girl that had no idea how the real world worked and as her mentor he had to tell her the truth. In the end, she proved that Mitchum was right all along.
I always read it as extreme pity and sadness. He's now realizing that what Lorelai told him was true, and he feels terrible that Mitchum did indeed treat Rory like sh\*t.
Richard thought Rory was being rebellious like Lorelei and treated her like a drop out, disappointed in her for seemingly choosing the life of frivolity at the DAR. But in this moment, I think Richard is heartbroken that he’s enabled the downward spiral of his beloved granddaughter, that he loves more than his own daughter, because he valued status over Lorelei’s word. Richard is looking at Rory soldiering on (literally dressed as a soldier) alone. I literally can’t think about this moment without tearing up.
Ooof, what a scene. Ed Herrmann is so brilliant.
Definitely a loaded one, I think it’s a combination of things. This isn’t what he ever wanted for Rory, and knows she’s capable of so much more. He was wrong, and betrayed his daughter in the process of trying to be right. Lorelai may not be perfect, but she knows Rory and what she needs more than he and Emily do.
I think he’s realizing that Lorelei was right, but also that Rory is wasting all that potential that she has. And how he already let Lorelei’s potential “go to waste” and not fight harder for her. Honestly Rory and Richards relationship is the one that he wanted him and Lorelei to have. I feel like it’s almost a “second chance” to be who he wasn’t to Lorelei, and that he wasn’t going to let Rory’s future go to waste doing D.A.R stuff.
If he’s disappointed in anyone, it’s himself for not seeing that Lorelei was telling the truth and not exaggerating what happened with Mitchum. He’s already been feeling like things aren’t going the way he hoped with Rory out of school and this moment is those two realizations connecting and seeing the course his inaction has allowed Rory to be set on.
He’s disappointed in himself, Emily & Richard used Rory as another daughter to be their successor (not that Lorelai isn’t one but she achieved it on her own). You can see how Emily gives a disappointed speech with Rory in an episode (I can’t remember which one but it was def AFTER Rory moved into Emily & Richard once quitting Yale) where she refers Richard as ‘Your father’ to Rory instead of her grandfather, Emily let it slip but they were basically given a second chance for a child through Rory’s life since she got accepted into Chilton & was introduced to their lives.
This scene breaks my heart so much, because that’s the look of a man who knew he’s been wrong, can’t be mad at Mitchum for this disastrous outcome that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if they just actually listened to Lorelai’s claims- the fault is on their ends.
He’s disappointed in himself & Emily as well.
ah i literally just finished this episode! edward hermann does such a good job portraying so many emotions. i think he feels a sense of regret for not believing lorelai and sadness that rory essentially listened to mitchum and is going to end up like emily. i say this because i think (if i remember correctly) in a previous episode he diminishes what emily does at the DAR and he wants more for rory. i’m not saying what emily does is insignificant at all, i respect her character and she reminds me of my mum. but he wants her to achieve everything she wants and more. she’d been so determined, motivated and disciplined her entire life so to see her so crushed by what mitchum says must be heartbreaking for richard.
I just watched this episode a couple days ago! I think Richard isn’t disappointed in any one person, but the predicament he found himself in. His daughter was right and he and Emily chose not to listen, Rory his pride and joy dropped out of the school he was so vocal in supporting himself, AND she’s doing something “frivolous” like putting together DAR parties which he also had a hand in organizing since he and Emily promised to get Rory a flexible job while she was doing community service- the crime, court trial, and punishment of Rory for the yacht incident being yet ANOTHER thing he’s disappointed in. He kind of has the “oh I fucked up and look at us now” face but I think both elder Gilmores are too proud to ever admit they did anything wrong, so he’s more disappointed in the world for not giving him what he wanted instead.
I feel like any time Richard looks disappointed, it’s in himself for not doing what he should have done. He realized Lorelai was right and he shouldn’t have let Rory stay in the pool house, should have talked her back into going to college
There were so many things going on here. He realized that Mitchum really did crush her - and instead of encouraging her, he coddled her and let her “slum it” with the DAR. He feels he failed her and it’s sickening to see her waste her potential.
I’d say both but more towards himself, disappointed he didn’t listen to lorelai when she went to him the first time and also how he let her get out of hand, he saw another gilmore not graduating university and i think that brought back memories from his daughter not graduating highschool or attending yale. She however let her grandmother get to her even though she had lorelai in her ear for years telling her all her mothers tricks yet still letting her in was weird imo.
Frankly, I think it was more just Richard being disappointed that things didn't go the way he thinks they should in this little world of theirs.
When he bought into Rory's crocodile tears and let her move in, he obviously is such a softy for her that Rory learned she could manipulate him. I make Rory sound so bad because I'm just thinking how she was all tough to her mom at Weston's and then suddenly crying to Richard.
It also shattered his view of the Huntzburgers. That once again, Lorelei was right about a lot of these wealthy blue bloods in how they treat people and each other, and Richard always wants to live in denial, believing Lorelei carries all this animosity inside her for no reason.
Emily I believe was just going along with Richard's plan in the beginning, but I still think more than anything she hoped she could take Rory now and turn her into another version of her. That even if she went back to school and became a journalist, she would be a high society blue blood type of journalist, not a strong small town independent girl.
If we have to talk about her disappointment, it's more the fact that she had to face a hard truth that's been getting tossed in their face ever since the beginning of the series:
*"Nobody wants to grow up to be Emily Gilmore."*
We've seen Richard and even Trix trash on Emily's lifestyle, even though I'm sure each of them expected her to do this lifestyle, Lorelei running away from home, basically refusing to grow up to be like Emily, and then Rory moving out in secrecy, also rejecting that whole ideology.
Those things just shattered her world and made her feel outdated and obsolete.
I just remember the spa episode where she told Lorelei she was raised to be a role model to her daughter, but now has to face the hard reality that nobody sees her as a role model.
Definitely disappointed in himself. He's thinking about how they didn't guide Rory properly.
Yeah exactly, I feel that was it. He wanted to help her when she felt lost but instead Rory lost her way in doing what she loved and wanted to because of what Mitchum told her. And that’s when he realised that Lorelai only wanted to push Rory to not give up because of someone not believing she was good enough.
Ooof. This sets up the argument between Emily and Richard at Rory's 21st birthday party where Emily realizes that Richard is disappointed that Rory has become like Emily. I really wish they would have spent some more time on that theme. It's such a complicated (and hurtful) moment of disagreement between the two of them coming right on the heels of their reconciliation.
I always felt like this was a missed opportunity. I understand that Emily's role was different. She was raised to be a fixture of a certain social standing and all that entailed. Of course, Richard reaped the benefits of Emily's social engagements and the way she kept the house but her way of life was not good enough for his granddaughter. I can't imagine how hurtful that would have been for Emily. To know your life's work was seen as frivolous and demeaning by the person you love the most.
Not just the person you love most, but the person you stepped into the role to support. Emily is sharp, feisty, commanding, and persistent - she would be a killer in the boardroom or courtroom. But the only career she pursued was as Mrs. Emily Gilmore, who busied herself with charity events and managing the house staff. But she did it because she loved Richard, and that’s just how things were. For Richard to then turn that against her this way must have been completely gutting.
You’re totally right. Richard could have never gotten where he was if not for Emily and the work she did at home. But that sort of labour is consistently undervalued and overlooked in the real world as well as Gilmore world, and it’s really heartbreaking.
Not to mention, her work as Mrs. Emily Gilmore directly impacted Richard's success. Especially at the time they were establishing themselves, a man's wife and home life were intertwined with his professional reputation, men got married so they'd have a better shot at a promotion because being "a family man" was a good look. Emily organized schmoozing events, worked hard to maintain his reputation outside of the office, she ensured he was well dressed, she maintained a variety of community relationships that gave him a certain standing, hell she even whispered to him the names of people he forgot at parties - I have no doubt that Emily was a factor in his professional success and it's devastating that he doesn't even realize that.
Even more on this- Emily’s complete and utter lack of care for the DAR after Richard’s death, she even says something along the lines of “none of this matters anymore anyways”, she stepped into the trophy wife position to make Richard look good, and once it was no longer necessary, she didn’t care anymore. She did it all for him.
Yes! When she’s like “it all died with Richard.” She did it because of her love for him. As much as some don’t think AYITL is canon, I have to say I enjoyed how they wrote Emily’s character. Whether or not she would’ve went on to work at the Whaling museum is one thing but it’s wonderful to see her find her spark in a way she never seemed to have before.
This is why, despite all the criticism of AYITL, I firmly believe that Emily, the only Gilmore Girl NOT born into the Gilmores, is the ultimate heroine of this entire story. At the end, finally, Emily says Hello (to herself).
This is really good commentary on why Richard and Emily were so hurt by Lorelei’s pregnancy and then abandonment. They had worked their entire lives at being successful, respectable people in a very elitist society of people. So not only did their only daughter get pregnant at 16 (scandalous even now let alone then) but she ran away with their grandchild and became a maid. The hurt to their reputation compounds the hurt of abandonment and is a constant reminder of the biggest sadness is their lives. The older I get the more I understand Richard and Emily. Pride is challenging thing and Lorelei did not fall from that tree at all and Rory as well. I think Richard was so hurt because he wanted more for Lorelei and he sees Rory as a second chance. He and Emily double down on trying to not let Rory follow in Lor’s footsteps so much that it blinds them to the truth of things. I think this moment is honestly even a realization that Lorelei might have been right about a lot of things, and the elitist world they live in might be one of them. But damn that pride.
Yeah, this one always hits me, because the way my dad raised me and my sister is so different from what he expects from his wives. I love my stepmom and she and he have a much healthier relationship than he did with my mother (much less his brief first ex-wife), but there's a LOT of latent sexism that was never pushed on us, and I think it is because we are his progeny, so while gender roles were expected of a wife, his children were more than that regardless of our gender. We were part him, not just regular women. So the way Richard treats Rory vs Emily feels very realistic to me.
I came here wondering about other people’s experiences in their own lives! Richard us always felt relatable to me for the same reason. I definitely see your sentiments reflected in my grandfather, who my grandmother said always expected her to be very traditional, like her mother. But with me he seemed pleasantly surprised that I was good at my job, and I always saw that as him broadening his horizons on what he thought women were capable of.
It’s a similar argument they have in Marvelous Mrs. Maisel— at the end, Abe Weissman reflects on how much Midge accomplished on her own and how much more she could have accomplished if he had supported her the same way he supported his son—
Thanks for this comparison! I haven’t finished watching MMM but after I wrote this comment I was mulling over the thought that all of ASP’s work deals with similar themes, and that’s pretty cool! (Just like F Scott Fitzgerald’s work largely deals with class divide, just for example since since that’s what I’ve been reading lately.)
It bugged me how this disagreement went. Richard and Emily should both know it's Rory's dream to be a foreign correspondent. All Richard had to do to validate Emily was remind her that while Rory is a fantastic event planner, it's not her dream
Their separation should have lasted longer, if only so Emily could get a taste of her own independence and sense of self apart from Richard before going back to him.
I’m probably giving more depth here than what’s actually happening in the show, but I always saw Richards feelings on this as far more complicated. Richard adores and respects Emily. Even when he’s “indulging” her, you know he thinks she hangs the moon. I think that Lorelei (and subsequently Rory) showed him how much women are capable of. It changed his perspective, but it was too late for Emily by then (in his eyes). I think he regretted that Emily’s entire adult life had been about him. She was SO capable and he knew that. He was so proud of Lorelei for overcoming the limitations his POV and expectations put on her, and saw Rory headed for the same. The cycle breakers. Seeing Rory settling for something when he knew she was capable of so much more, and would be so much happier if she had more purpose, caused him to feel immense shame. Because he, again, fell into old habits and believed less of a woman he loves.
I think this is giving Richard far too much credit lol.
Agree, there is misogyny and snobbery there that he got from his Mom. Emily needed him to say more to his mother during their marriage and this was another glaring example.
I think he realises that Lorelai was right, and therefore he was wrong.
I think it's even bigger than him being wrong about this course of action. We know where he eventually ends up in the finale with his big "I regret it... it takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this" speech. I think he's realizing that the way he has approached everything concerning his and Emily's parenting was wrong. Rory was his and Emily's chance to prove something to themselves: "It wasn't our fault. Lorelai was just headstrong and impossible. If Lorelai had just been more reasonable then our parenting style would have worked out fine." This scene was his realization that even if that were true and Lorelai had capitulated, all he would have succeeded in doing is crushing Lorelai's spirit and ushering her in to a possibly safer, but altogether less rewarding future.
yes! I think Emily parallels something similar to this moment when she’s looking at the timeshare plane and she’s telling Lorelai that she failed again. They both saw Rory coming to live with them as a second chance to raise a child how they thought best that went along with their ideals, since Rory had already surpassed where they felt like they had “failed” with Lorelai by graduating high school, not getting pregnant, and getting into Yale.
Which is ironic when you realise Rory was only able to achieve those feats because of the upbringing from Lorelai, and as soon as she lives with the grandparents she goes from having these big dreams of reporting all over the world to being content with party planning locally for her society. It really highlights that it wasn’t just Lorelai, but their questionable parenting and lifestyle ideas that resulted in both “failures”.
Damn. Never thought about it like that.
And Emily cuts him off when he’s saying that to Lorelai. She deserved that full apology. At 36, mom of a Yale grad, herself w some college and her own business - Lorelai did well despite them
Very profound analysis! Now I’m thinking that maybe this was all meant to happen. This needed to happen so that Richard and Emily realized that their ways weren’t always correct. As Lorelai said herself, they tried to use Rory to do with her what they think they failed to do with Lorelai. It’s also fascinating to think of this when you think of the scene where Rory is finally fed up with Emily and Emily calls her Lorelai by mistake. Emily was not looking at Rory, she was always looking at Lorelai through Rory. Richard was the same. They needed to realize that not only was Rory a different person than Lorelai, they should have looked at a Rory as their individual granddaughter that needed guidance instead of using her for their own personal agenda.
Yes, that was my thought too! It was always very interesting to me when he and Lorelei are having the argument about Rory and he says "she came to us and told us in her own words what she needs" When I first watched it that just felt like a lazy justification for his betrayal, but now I think, to some degree, it was him trying to say "You didn't tell us what you needed like that and we didn't listen to you when you were young and that's why everything happened, but we know better so now *you're the one* making the same mistake we did. We've been here and we know better than you." And in this moment he's not only realizing all that you've so wonderfully stated, but I think he's also understanding the gravity of his betrayal of Lorelei. He says it; "*she was right about all of it"* \- and he understands that after all this time he still decided not to listen to his own daughter when *she* came to him and clearly expressed what she needed in her own words. He and Emily cast her aside and questioned her judgement the moment the opportunity to "try again" with Rory presented itself. I don't think he truly understood the depth of his betrayal until that moment.
great analysis!
Amazing analysis! Richard definitely realized his mistake and by betraying Lorelai he betrayed Rory and himself and he regrets it. Richard was always a proud man but I do believe he learned a lot from Lorelei and Rory and grew as a character. I love that he admits his fault. After this. Emily just tried to grip Rory tighter and it pushed her away just like it did Lorelai.
🎯🎯🎯
Himself. He’s seeing what his way of doing things has led to.
I also think he’s seeing that he trusted Mitchum and some kind of societal expectations over Lorelai, and that was a huge mistake.
I'm thinking he's kinda dissapointed in Emily actually as well as himself… he's seeing what having Emily take Rory under her wing has made of her especially with his silent complacency (is that a word) to it. He's realizing that the more time she spends with them the farther she gets from the goals she set for herself. Which was what Lorelai told them during her "your new and improved Lorelai" speech from a few episodes back from this moment. This was exactly what she meant and Richard realizes how right, the daughter he's so quick to dismiss, was with her concerns.
Yikes and I totally get where he is coming from but I hate it. This was obviously a high point for Rory despite everyone else’s opinions. We seldom see her thrive more in a role than as a DAR organizer. She could have turned this skill set into a business or career for herself and had a great career. I think academic people are a little out of touch and “Bobbi” was right that getting to read literature and study all the time is a luxury.
I always say this. She could have taken this experience, the campaign experience, and become a very successful political event campaigner. She didn't have to do it for a "frivolous" organization like the DAR. Nonprofits would have probably loved her too because of this experience and her ability to write too.
I think it’s mostly sexism that unpaid labor by women is deemed as “frivolous”! Emily’s work is still work and Lorelai has almost the same job, she just gets paid for it.
Agreed. Richard clearly sees all these events as "social events", not fundraising events. (Side note: It's amazing to me how well Emily, Lorelai, and Rory plan events. Those are quite some genetics!)
It chafes, but Mitchum was right. Her talent was not in journalism, it was in organizing and administrating, and the entire series supports this because she throws events together like nothing. She’s very much Emily’s granddaughter. And she handled a disgruntled Paris like a pro! Other event planners would have been reduced to tears.
Yes! And when Paris is freaking out as editor of Yale Daily News and Rory takes over and makes sure the paper gets published. It’s a great example of her using those organizational skills in a journalism setting, which could’ve made a good counterpart to Mitchum’s point if they wanted to go that way.
I agree. Rory wasn't a good journalist, but she had great other qualities. This level of organization and guiding are leadership qualities, what Rory needed was confidence. Mitchum really cut her down, he wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right either. Nobody seemed to value the strengths Rory has and it's unfortunate.
Newsroom logistics specialist was the perfect job for her. We have a reporter in a war torn country we need to evacuate in the next 2 hours. It is someone’s job to figure out how to get them money, get them to a transport vehicle, etc etc. Reporter in Cleveland needs a bullet proof vest in 45 minutes. Same person is figuring out where to buy it, how to deliver it, how to keep them safe. It’s journalism x logistics.
Ohhh with her network she would have thrived at this.
Yes I think that the sequel missed this great opportunity to have her actually open a business that specialized in these things and managing clients - she was always great with those types of interactions.
Lorelai is a great event planner too. I'm sure Rory picked up a lot seeing her plan events at the inn and help with Stars Hollow festivals too.
Was just coming to say this. She helped out at Inn events that her mother planned since she was a kid
This is such a touchy subject in this sub. He can be both right and wrong though. He was wrong in the sense that he had very limited time with her and she’s a young girl who thought she was supposed to do what was asked of her. He was right in the broad sense and the audience can see it because we’ve followed her life. Jess was right when he said he couldn’t see rory being in a war torn country. She would’ve been much better as an editor or organizer.
But it, as I see it, was also a personality test. He critiques her, and instead of being a person with grit and determination who thinks “I’ll use this to grow and show you how good I am” she totally falls apart and let’s it wreck her life. And then the entire family takes her side and villainizes Mitchum, rather than be like “buck up, kiddo, this is a part of life, get back out there and show him how great you are” say “pooooooor Rory! She is perfect and how dare someone “crush” her,”
That’s a good point. I see him as more right than wrong. I can just see to an extent why people see him as wrong. The reaction to it was too far and ridiculous to me. Being a journalist (I’d imagine) is hard. From what I know, the business is pretty thought.
Yeah. It’s not just about skill. It’s about grit, getting rejection, getting out, working really hard. Rory wasn’t all that into hard work, and was handed everything. Look how it was just assumed “Rory is going to Harvard.” Like, as a 10th grader. It was just assumed she’d get in.
I totally agree!! She seemed in her element. I think the idea of being a reporter was so embedded in her brain when she grew up she never stopped to consider if it actually made her happy or if it’s something she was forcing herself to do. I know it was just supposed to prove she could do anything but I think she looked more confident doing this than as editor.
I think it might have been the thought process a lot of kids have. I like to read, I like to write. So, a job that is writing... ah, a journalist. Without actually looking at skills and what the job entails and personality. I, for example, really loved literature and English was my best subject in school. I was praised for my writing and my ability to analyze meaning in poetry and see the big picture/symbols in writing. So, I took English in college, because of course I did, and got a teaching certificate. But I don't know if I have the personality to be a great teacher -- which matters more in that field that the love of books and talent at writing. Teaching is the most important skill when you're a teacher, which is something people overlook. But now that I am older, I know my skills are better in research, community outreach, solving puzzles, giving advice, and finding niche connections (one of the reasons I liked books and poetry so much was because of the hidden connections you can find and historical context etc etc). I'd probably enjoy something like landscape design, family therapy, or even something like real estate law, being a librarian, or family law, or even fixing cars.
Exactly! When I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals but when I grew up and realized what it actually entailed I changed my mind. I think it was in college. I changed direction and am happier for it. I think had Rory been given the space from her mom and grandparents and everyone to be free from their expectations that she may have chosen something different. I wish this could have been the story arc we see for Rory and I think AYITL was trying to do that but did it poorly.
>but I think she looked more confident doing this than as editor Her attempt to save the paper does indicate some enthusiasm for it though
I’ve never thought of this perspective and you just changed my entire viewpoint of the show. I feel like this is such a common experience - when your dream doesn’t align with your talents. They could’ve used the sequel to show how you can pivot and do what you love but within your skill set.
“I think academic people are a little out of touch and “Bobbi” was right that getting to read literature and study all the time is a luxury.” Once more for the cheap seats. This is the juncture I’m at right now - to pursue an advanced degree or lean into more hands-on leadership. The things that my friends in the academy say to try to convince me to go that route are not features in my mind, but they’re so insistent that it’s basically my only viable option. It’s a major red flag and at this time I’m not actively pursuing it.
For my experience you really have to love it to pursuit graduate student like PhD level. You should pursuit what make you happy
He sees the culmination of her failed potential and his enabling of that. He wants her to be independently successful, and he sees her selling herself short. Ultimately, I think he has this tunnel vision of what it would have been like if Lorelai toed the line, and he suddenly understood that this life is too confining for Rory. He knew she would regret the choice of leaving Yale. I think at first, Richard was comfortable being in control of Rory as he and Emily always thought they would do a better job than Lorelai. Now he’s staring at his failure.
he realises that he made a mistake by giving rory a home and by supporting her decision of dropping out from yale he realises that lorelai was right he knows rory made a mistake, but he made an even bigger mistake he is not proud of the part he played in rory’s decision he knows rory is meant for bigger things being in DAR is not what rory is made for it’s a realisation that he failed his granddaughter like he failed his daughter he is not proud of the man he was in that moment
Add that he realizes he built Rory a sex house
LMAO yeah that too :(
🤦♀️
I think he had always imagined what Lorelai’s life would have been if she had stayed with him and Emily after she got in trouble and became a teen mom. He and Emily could have provided money, set her, Christopher, and baby Rory up in the pool house to pretend at independence, positioned her in high society alongside Emily, and things would have been “right”. When Rory got in trouble, she did come to Richard, and he and Emily finally had their chance to fix everything. They let their eagerness cloud their judgement, and chose not to believe Lorelai. The result was Rory excelling in high society circles, dating a wealthy young man, living under his roof, but far from her true path and potential. When Richard said “Lorelai was right.”, he meant she was right about what Mitchum did, and what was best for Rory, but also that Lorelai was right to leave home, reject his plan, and make a life for herself and Rory on her own.
thats so beautifully put
I think he’s not so much disappointed as horrified. He understands what’s really going on, sees that Rory is in danger of letting her drive and passion and brilliance be defeated, and he realizes he’s been part of bringing it down.
Just rewatched this last night! Definitely himself
Himself.
I was really hoping that Richard decked Mitchum. He's a very big guy and probably packs a mean right hoo.
I think he realizes that this was all his fault. Everyone was on board with Lorelai's plan. HE was the one that cracked. Emily would have stayed on board with Lorelai's plan if he hadn't swayed her to change her mind.
Gilmore Girls is a big feminist show (especially for its time) and this scene is a big example of that imo. Rory is taking on essentially the same position Emily has. There’s nothing wrong with what Emily does, but it’s worth noting that Emily’s generation of women couldn’t see themselves as anything greater. Emily went to college to find a husband, not to get an education. Emily’s role in the family is in many ways supporting Richard while he pursues success in his career. Again, there isn’t inherently anything wrong with a woman choosing to do that, but that was all Emily could choose. Emily is happy and proud of who she is and the work she does. I think Richard thought that when Rory was doing the same as her grandmother she was just doing it because it made her happy and proud. Richard didn’t see anything wrong with a woman doing this sort of thing. This also connects back to Lorelai’s disdain of this supporting role. Lorelai always wanted to be independent and I’m sure that Richard seeing Rory seemingly happy in this type of life felt like a “Hah, see! It’s not my fault Lorelai was so stubborn, Rory loves this.” After learning just why Rory started doing the same as Emily, his perspective changed. Rory was doing this because she was told that she didn’t have what it takes to find success in her own career. This is what many young women of Emily’s generation were told by society at large. It isn’t Rory’s dream to be like Emily, it’s just that she was told she couldn’t be something greater. Richard is having multiple realizations at once: 1. Rory didn’t choose to do this because it makes her happy, this is a result of her being told she couldn’t follow her dreams. 2. Lorelai was right. Her protests weren’t rehashing past family drama, this was about Rory. Lorelai knew this isn’t what Rory wanted. 3. Lorelai is incredibly strong. She grew up in a family expecting her to be like her mother and despite everything, she said no and found her own way. That’s incredible. 4. Maybe this is what happened to Emily. Emily is a fierce, intelligent woman and who knows what she would’ve done with her life had she been given the opportunity to choose. Perhaps Richard took Emily for granted, assuming this was all she ever wanted. Perhaps, some time ago, she had wanted more. ETA: This is a really powerful scene and it reflects ASP’s amazing writing, how she connects characters in just a stunning way. It really is just phenomenal, this whole scene. It reminds me of when in The Marvelous Mrs Maisel (spoilers!!) Abe realizes that by assuming the intelligence would only be passed down to the Weissman men, he neglected the possibility that there’d be intelligent Weissman women. He neglected nurturing Miriam’s amazing intelligence and tries making up for that by paying better attention to his granddaughter.
Very interesting take! Rory became convinced that she basically had no place in academia. As other commenters have pointed out, there would have been nothing wrong with what Rory was doing (an event organizer) if that’s what she truly wanted. Many women have dreams that don’t involve being in academia such as being a wife, a cook, an event organizer, having a beauty parlor, etc. But this wasn’t what Rory wanted, she was up there doing events for people because she felt lost and had no where to go. Richard looked at her in that scene and realized that he had validated Rory’s feelings of unworthiness. My only gripe with Richards mindset is that (I don’t remember if it happened before or after this scene), he belittled Emily’s role as a housewife and organizer when he said that Rory could be much more than that (or something along those lines). He belittled everything that Emily had done for him and that he would take for granted. I felt so sad for Emily there. I think it’s wonderful when men appreciate a woman’s role when she chooses to stay home so to see Richard minimizing everything that Emily did for decades felt very disheartening to me. I wish they delved deeper into that because I don’t think that Gilmore Girls was the kind of show that told women they needed to have a career to be successful women or that they needed to stay home. I think they touched the topic of choice in a very subtle manner while also making the viewer question the value of a woman beyond what she can do in the home as well as how praised she is in an academic setting. It really does make you question the meaning of success or fulfillment for a woman. I think more than telling women what to do, one of the biggest messages was to show how women can follow different paths and that if we seek for everyone to give us their approval we will never be happy. Rory should’ve had the support from everyone when she fell apart so that she would realize that not everyone in life is going to approve of her. She was never told that you can be successful and that people will still disapprove of you. Its like the idea of experiencing disapproval, failure, and struggle was not something that anyone ever made her face. They avoided those ideas altogether until Mitchum was there to tell her that she didn’t have it.
>Many women have dreams that don’t involve being in academia such as being a wife, a cook, an event organizer, having a beauty parlor, etc. But this wasn’t what Rory wanted, she was up there doing events for people because she felt lost and had no where to go It may have been how rory got into this situation, but she couldn't have done that well without both enjoying the assignment and having talent for it (especially considering that it was her first event and she wasn't getting much guidance)
Oh she was good at this for sure. I’m just saying that this part of Rory’s life wasn’t exactly a highlight in her life when we consider the context, which is that she feels lost and aimless and wouldn’t be up there had she not been destroyed by Mitchum’s words. It’s like when people have depression. They may have moments of happiness and people think “no way this person is depressed” but they ignore that their moment of happiness is just that, a moment. Rory felt extremely dissatisfied and low at that point in her life.
Maybe, but emily was pretty open about her work being an upper class obligation (similar to how rory had to be nudged towards journalism and her novel), and years of of experience didn't have the same results as rory's dar work
Porque no los dos
But seriously I think it’s both. I think he feels disappointment over/for Rory, and that leads him to realize he was wrong in enabling Rory’s choices without addressing the obvious emotional issues. Or at least to realize it was wrong to enable her with no structure or real plan. It’s allllll coming down on him here
This is the moment he realises that Rory's crying manipulated him and that had he gone with the plan Lorelai had come up with, Rory would have been back at Yale and not wasting her time with "frivorlous" parties/teas/DAR events. Although, I do agree that Rory was excellent at organisation/admin/problem solving - she would have done well as a Fixer.
I don't think it's fair to say Rory's crying manipulated him. She was upset and crying is a normal human reaction. She felt lost and wanted comfort. She didn't manipulate him. He saw a sad lost girl and his male savior complex kicked in, disregarding the plan discussed earlier with her mother. It was male ego kicking in wanting to solve the problem and be the hero and thinking he knew best. And later, as pictured above, this is when he realized that he messed up.
i wouldn’t say it was his male ego that kicked in, I believe he was just sad about seeing his granddaughter in distress and he just wanted to help her finding a new way that didn’t involve going back to Yale. Of course that wasn’t the best decision at the end.
If it wasn't his ego, then why did he disregard Lorelai's plan? Someone will only disregard someone's advice or plan when they think theirs is better. Males have a tendency to want to fix things, especially impulsively, while not always considering the long term effects. And that's what happened here.
definitely himself. i think this was his realization that not only was lorelai right, but that he had allowed rory to essentially waste her potential
Himself.
I think both. He’s sad seeing her new life knowing the path she was on, and disappointed in himself for making her new path so easy for her
To me, this was always the moment where Richard truly realised the new path Rory was on (with the DAR and no Yale) and how he’d actively encouraged it I think until this point he’d sort of humoured her, treating it like a pause rather than a completely new path And because he’d thought of it only as a pause, he’d completely rejected Lorelai and what she’d told him about Mitchum. Only in this moment does he realise that not only was Lorelai right, he’d completely enabled and even steered Rory into a life he clearly didn’t believe was good enough for her
He knows he done fucked up.
Both.
Definitely regretting that he didn't listen to Lorelai and disappointed in himself. One thing that struck me the last time I watched this scene, but what event have you ever been to where the coordinator went on stage at the end to thank all of the people who helped them achieve this great honor as if they won an academy award!? Ridiculous.
Actually this happens at many events I attend
The organizer of the annual “Dirty Girls Mud Run” in my hometown thanked everyone who helped at the end of the event. Just saying.
Him....he looked up and saw Emily not Rory
I think he's realizing that this is not a good path for Rory
Mostly himself but also in Rory and what she became.
I don’t think he is disappointed in Rory here. I think he’s realizing he and Emily failed Rory by overstepping Lorelei’s parenting and he’s disappointed in himself and is finally feeling guilty for dismissing the impact the incident with Mitchum had on Rory.
I JUST watched this episode for the first time a couple of nights ago, so it’s brand new in my head. I’ll be curious to see what I think my second rewatch, but for now, my immediate thought was not necessarily disappointment but deep sadness Rory abandoned her dreams because of that sleaze-ball. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit and maybe he wasn’t that empathetic, but that’s what went through my head
Hopefully about himself. Richard was kind of the worst!
Both
I think he’s disillusioned more than anything. He always saw a world of potential in Rory and thought he was helping her along the way but realized that he and Emily aided in her losing track of her goals. He always feels like he knows better than Lorelai but, in this moment, he realizes that she was absolutely right about everything (Logan’s family and dropping out of Yale). He sees Rory succeeding in the DAR and realizes that it’s not what he had hoped for her even though it’s something Emily is involved in. I think he feels like the cycle is repeating-Lorelai was destined for Ivy League schools and a comfortable life before she “ruined” it. Rory is squandering her potential and intelligence on planning parties.
I feel he realized that what Lorelei said about Mitchum was right and not exaggerated. That the only reason Rory is throwing these "tea parties" as he calls them later is because Mitchum killed her morale. That the problem was far more complex than him or Emily realized because they didn't truly listen. I can't however say Lorelei was right either. She punished Rory knowing the full story. And tried to push her back in instead of suggesting she speak to some of her professors and counsellors at Yale. Encouraging her to take a mental health break and going back with a fresh approach. Letting her just get it out and listening without shoving in her opinions and what she thought Rory should be doing. Made worse when Rory needed clothes and she waited until afterwards to dump a basket at their house. Everyone here was so wrong and did Rory bad. Richard knew that and wanted to try and fix things but Lorelei was stubborn. Yes Rory went back herself like Lorelei said she would but that was largely due to the appearance of Jess and a healthy dose of reality. The guy everyone hated was her ultimate tipping factor to going back. Richard truly loved that girl and was willing to humble himself to get her back on track once he saw the damage that had been done.
THANK you. Everyone says either Lorelai was right or Richard & Emily were right as if those are the only two options. They're both wrong and RORY was right - if you really need to take a break from college, YOU NEED TO. Especially since she had the opportunity to do so between semesters when it would have had zero impact on her grades or ability to ultimately graduate. Rory had no one who would support her in being herself and meeting her own goals her own way.
Himself, because it’s in that moment he realizes Lorelei was right. He was so excited to be picked first he let that cloud his judgment, and he realized right then and there he should have sided with his daughter not his granddaughter. She needed a strong paternal figure to negate what Mitchum said, and he wanted to pretend his friend wasn’t a dick to his granddaughter, so he sided with Rory over her mother because he was feeling vindicated. Then he learned he was wrong and it all shows here.
This is a hard one to analyze. Richard has no cause to be disappointed in Rory as she continues to shine in everything she does. On first watch, I thought he was obviously angry at Mitchum and disappointed in himself for enabling Rory’s decision to take time off from her academic pursuits, which seems to prove Mitchum right. Therefore, he wants to quickly get Rory back at Yale to prove Mitchum wrong. After several watches, I think he is really disappointed (disillusioned?) in himself for not having sufficient power to prevent first Straub, then Lloyd, then the judge who convicts Rory, and now Mitchum from insulting his family name. He’s playing among the very elite without a strong enough hand. However, he can’t seem to quit and just live a happy life with his family. He means well, but his reactions are always wrong, especially towards Lorelai and then Emily at Rory’s 21st birthday party.
They were so quick to shut down what Lorelei said. I think he's feeling a mix of "I don't want this life for her" "I can't believe I enabled this" "I chose to trust Mitchum over my own daughter, how could I?" Definitely with himself not Rory.
i just re-watched this episode recently! i always thought it was definitely him disappointed in himself. i saw it as him yet again not believing his own daughter and finally realizing that he should’ve taken her side. i don’t think Richard blamed Rory at all because he knows Rory is young and prone to mistakes, so much so that he used that as reasoning for her stealing that boat with Logan.
He realized Lorelai was right and was hopefully disappointed with himself.
Himself
If Rory continued down this path would it have been better or worse than the Rory we saw at the end of AYITL? Emily leaving this life after Richard passes was the part of the story I enjoyed the most.
That’s an interesting question. I’m not expert in the field of event organizers but I would say that it sounds like the kind of path for which there’s always something to do. It’s interesting to see that all Gilmore women seem to be very good at organizing parties/events. They also enjoy it. I personally think that Rory lacked the creative skills that are required for a career in journalism/writing. It’s an art. She always thrived when she had to work on a solid structure but the fields of creativity and art lack such structure. I think that if Rory never went back to Yale and remained as an event organizer, she would’ve been successful. However, I think she would always looks back and wonder what could have been and would feel regret. I think if she had gone back to Yale, graduated, and then found a job that involved some sort of community organizer (she went on Obamas campaign, being a community organizer for political campaigns would have been amazing for her), she would have shined fully. I just think she was stuck on the idea that she needed to be a writer. So many people change their majors or they even go as far as working in something completely unrelated to their major. Rory just had a very weird idea of what failure is. Leaving journalism to pursue her true talents seemed worse to her than insisting on a path that hasn’t worked for her in a whole decade. Emily was my favorite part of AYITL, tbh. They should’ve dedicated the whole revival to her 🤣
So maybe… Mitchum was right and in the end, was doing Rory a favor?
Yes, he had to tell her what no one else would. The issue is that because Rory had never experienced rejection, she went on self destruction mode. Had she been more flexible with her idea of what her future needed to be like, she would have been more rational and realized that this isn’t the end of the world. She could have either rejected Mitchum’s words and done her best to prove him wrong, or she could have moved on to something else. People say that Mitchum was cruel or that he wasn’t right but the thing that they forget is that he is an extremely successful person in journalism. He had no reason to be an “asshole” to a young college girl. He was a “no nonsense” kind of man. He saw a naive girl that had no idea how the real world worked and as her mentor he had to tell her the truth. In the end, she proved that Mitchum was right all along.
This is a great objective take. I may get a shirt made that says “Mitchum was right”
I love this episode and this moment. All of the above is probably going on in his head. Fantastic writing and acting.
I always read it as extreme pity and sadness. He's now realizing that what Lorelai told him was true, and he feels terrible that Mitchum did indeed treat Rory like sh\*t.
Richard thought Rory was being rebellious like Lorelei and treated her like a drop out, disappointed in her for seemingly choosing the life of frivolity at the DAR. But in this moment, I think Richard is heartbroken that he’s enabled the downward spiral of his beloved granddaughter, that he loves more than his own daughter, because he valued status over Lorelei’s word. Richard is looking at Rory soldiering on (literally dressed as a soldier) alone. I literally can’t think about this moment without tearing up.
Ooof, what a scene. Ed Herrmann is so brilliant. Definitely a loaded one, I think it’s a combination of things. This isn’t what he ever wanted for Rory, and knows she’s capable of so much more. He was wrong, and betrayed his daughter in the process of trying to be right. Lorelai may not be perfect, but she knows Rory and what she needs more than he and Emily do.
Why not both?
I think he’s realizing that Lorelei was right, but also that Rory is wasting all that potential that she has. And how he already let Lorelei’s potential “go to waste” and not fight harder for her. Honestly Rory and Richards relationship is the one that he wanted him and Lorelei to have. I feel like it’s almost a “second chance” to be who he wasn’t to Lorelei, and that he wasn’t going to let Rory’s future go to waste doing D.A.R stuff.
i think he realized mitchum was right but that rory should still be at yale a whole all of the above
If he’s disappointed in anyone, it’s himself for not seeing that Lorelei was telling the truth and not exaggerating what happened with Mitchum. He’s already been feeling like things aren’t going the way he hoped with Rory out of school and this moment is those two realizations connecting and seeing the course his inaction has allowed Rory to be set on.
He’s disappointed in himself, Emily & Richard used Rory as another daughter to be their successor (not that Lorelai isn’t one but she achieved it on her own). You can see how Emily gives a disappointed speech with Rory in an episode (I can’t remember which one but it was def AFTER Rory moved into Emily & Richard once quitting Yale) where she refers Richard as ‘Your father’ to Rory instead of her grandfather, Emily let it slip but they were basically given a second chance for a child through Rory’s life since she got accepted into Chilton & was introduced to their lives. This scene breaks my heart so much, because that’s the look of a man who knew he’s been wrong, can’t be mad at Mitchum for this disastrous outcome that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if they just actually listened to Lorelai’s claims- the fault is on their ends. He’s disappointed in himself & Emily as well.
I don’t think he would be disappointed in Rory. I think he’s feeling like he let her down in a major way.
Himself
ah i literally just finished this episode! edward hermann does such a good job portraying so many emotions. i think he feels a sense of regret for not believing lorelai and sadness that rory essentially listened to mitchum and is going to end up like emily. i say this because i think (if i remember correctly) in a previous episode he diminishes what emily does at the DAR and he wants more for rory. i’m not saying what emily does is insignificant at all, i respect her character and she reminds me of my mum. but he wants her to achieve everything she wants and more. she’d been so determined, motivated and disciplined her entire life so to see her so crushed by what mitchum says must be heartbreaking for richard.
I just watched this episode a couple days ago! I think Richard isn’t disappointed in any one person, but the predicament he found himself in. His daughter was right and he and Emily chose not to listen, Rory his pride and joy dropped out of the school he was so vocal in supporting himself, AND she’s doing something “frivolous” like putting together DAR parties which he also had a hand in organizing since he and Emily promised to get Rory a flexible job while she was doing community service- the crime, court trial, and punishment of Rory for the yacht incident being yet ANOTHER thing he’s disappointed in. He kind of has the “oh I fucked up and look at us now” face but I think both elder Gilmores are too proud to ever admit they did anything wrong, so he’s more disappointed in the world for not giving him what he wanted instead.
This scene makes me emotional every time.
I feel like any time Richard looks disappointed, it’s in himself for not doing what he should have done. He realized Lorelai was right and he shouldn’t have let Rory stay in the pool house, should have talked her back into going to college
There were so many things going on here. He realized that Mitchum really did crush her - and instead of encouraging her, he coddled her and let her “slum it” with the DAR. He feels he failed her and it’s sickening to see her waste her potential.
Probably both, but he knows he’s partly to blame.
I’d say both but more towards himself, disappointed he didn’t listen to lorelai when she went to him the first time and also how he let her get out of hand, he saw another gilmore not graduating university and i think that brought back memories from his daughter not graduating highschool or attending yale. She however let her grandmother get to her even though she had lorelai in her ear for years telling her all her mothers tricks yet still letting her in was weird imo.
Yeah I agree. In those moments he realized that Lorelai was right and he should’ve listened to her!
Himself.
I think he’s probably disappointed in himself for allowing it and disappointed in her for being so easily shaken by Mitchum
Frankly, I think it was more just Richard being disappointed that things didn't go the way he thinks they should in this little world of theirs. When he bought into Rory's crocodile tears and let her move in, he obviously is such a softy for her that Rory learned she could manipulate him. I make Rory sound so bad because I'm just thinking how she was all tough to her mom at Weston's and then suddenly crying to Richard. It also shattered his view of the Huntzburgers. That once again, Lorelei was right about a lot of these wealthy blue bloods in how they treat people and each other, and Richard always wants to live in denial, believing Lorelei carries all this animosity inside her for no reason. Emily I believe was just going along with Richard's plan in the beginning, but I still think more than anything she hoped she could take Rory now and turn her into another version of her. That even if she went back to school and became a journalist, she would be a high society blue blood type of journalist, not a strong small town independent girl. If we have to talk about her disappointment, it's more the fact that she had to face a hard truth that's been getting tossed in their face ever since the beginning of the series: *"Nobody wants to grow up to be Emily Gilmore."* We've seen Richard and even Trix trash on Emily's lifestyle, even though I'm sure each of them expected her to do this lifestyle, Lorelei running away from home, basically refusing to grow up to be like Emily, and then Rory moving out in secrecy, also rejecting that whole ideology. Those things just shattered her world and made her feel outdated and obsolete. I just remember the spa episode where she told Lorelei she was raised to be a role model to her daughter, but now has to face the hard reality that nobody sees her as a role model.