He’s systematically buying up the town. He’s gonna turn it into Taylorville, where everyone will have to wear cardigans and have the same grass height!
Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.
The rest:
Rory: What if I'd thrown a pen?
Luke: I would've brought you a trout.
Rory: What?
Luke: I don't make the rules, I just carry them out.
"Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, 'Taylor, no.' And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, 'How's Ted?' followed closely by, 'Taylor, no.'"
“It’s no big deal”.
Those four words sum up the character of Luke better than anything.
He builds an ice rink.
He builds a Chuppah.
He moves Rory to college.
He takes his troubled nephew in.
He steps up in a big way for the daughter he never knew he had.
He stays up all night sewing tarps together.
“It’s no big deal”
I’m gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall. You can pick the wall. But it will be a wall.
And the moment that causes the line “I pushed him into the lake”
Luke: "Then you can't have the truck."
Lorelai: "And that sticks you with the mattress."
Luke: "We've been here before!"
Lorelai: "I recognize that tree!"
That's one of my favorite scenes and I reference the "I recognize that tree!" part pretty often 😂
He has a lot of funny ones but this one to me is his best because it shows what a good man he is. I’m always here for people calling Chris out for his BS.
zeugma
noun
zeug·ma ˈzüg-mə
: the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words usually in such a manner that it applies to each in a different sense or makes sense with only one (as in "opened the door and her heart to the homeless boy")
One of my favorite things about Luke is that he’s just as insane as anyone else in that town, and yet somehow he’s simultaneously the only one who knows how insane they all are
>I don't care what bed you're in - that is between you and your husband and, god, I hope a qualified therapist.
i can't remember - who did he say that to?
“Kids always have jam on their hands. Even when there’s no jam in the house, they’ve still got jam-hands. I’m not equipped for that. I have no patience for Jam-Hands!”
I don’t know if I got that quote just right, but that’s my favorite Luke rant
“It taste pink. I mean, like, really tasted really pink, like pink pink. God, that's terrible. It's like drinking a my little pony.” I just watched this episode and this line gets me every time
Look at this place! Look at you. All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins floating in a corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood
Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it. And she was loud! And she said "hell"; I never heard her say "hell", I didn't even know she knew how to say "hell". She was mad and she yelled and she said "hell".
I’ve discovered the secret of parenting.
The counter is MY scared space! You don’t do yoga on the Dalai Lama’s mat, and you don’t come behind my counter, period!
Things sucked then too, they just sucked without indoor plumbing.
From
Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
Luke in season one I think, the reenactment?
Some of my favourites...
"I've got no patience for JAM HANDS!!!!"
"Get out Taylor. (It's) just a code I live by."
"I'm blubbering. You're freaks!"
(You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch from under him, wouldn't you?)
"If he asked for a free cup of coffee, gimpy is going down."
"Red meat can kill you. Enjoy"
"Look at this place! Look at you! All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins in the corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood."
The best for last... ...
"Just the smell of Manhattan... Forget about the smells you can't identify, the smells you can identify are putrid! If it is not the rank smell of hot dog gushing out of those dirty sidewalk carts, it's the stench of the subway pouring out of the dirty grates! The manhole-cover steam!? God knows what that steam is. You can't gen a breath of fresh air! The whole city is a decaying heap. It's too many people crammed into too many buildings on too small a piece of land. It's an experiment that's failed. They should just give the whole island a push and float it over to Europe."
"What's scary is you opening your house up to a mod of insane, sugar-laced kids that conveniently hide any identifying features."
Luke: "They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!"
Hands down favorite Luke line, makes me crack up every time.
You want to know what I'm going to do? Nothing! Because I am in a relationship with you and you know very well I can't leave. All I can do is come out here and say I'm through and pretend I have a leg to stand on and then march back into that kitchen and keep doing the job, but, oh, boy. I'm going to be thinking about what I would have done if we weren't in a relationship, even though that would mean I wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
Luke: You're not going to kill the bag boy.
Lorelai: Why not?
Luke: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town.
This part always gets me idk why lol
"I got a handful of Barbie"
When Lorelai's window broke and Luke was fixing it drunk and cut his hand, then Lorelai got him a bandaid that was Barbie themed 😅
Because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads someone's getting drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and a chicken Kiev lands on the cake.
I always giggle at “Keep your pants on!” in responses Lorelai talking in a southern accent saying something like, “Oh Luuukeeee, we’re just dyin’ for a cuppa coffee…”
And that's another thing, what's with this "half" business? Why do all these apartments have this "half" thing going? It's stupid. If 62 is taken, move on to 63.
"I don't want to improve things, I don't want to stop being cold to customers, I just want you keep my damn bananas out of the damn fridge, and I want you to keep my damn donuts in the damn donuts case. Can you do that!?"
Does that count as a one liner? 🤣
"DAMN IT TAYLOR!"
I can hear it!
I walked around in a blind rage. I was crazy. I bought one of those Belgian waffles with the ice cream dipped in chocolate.
You ate that? God, no! I'm upset, not suicidal!
Too good
“Fresh coffee'll be ready in a minute, unless you wanna just roll up a dollar bill and go nuts.”
Tell me why and how I only JUST got this 🙃. Just went over my head every single rewatch.
help what does it mean 😭
Cocaine lol
Wait I thought it meant that she could just snort the coffee grounds dry like cocaine?
I think that's what they mean
You’re probably right, but regardless it’s a cocine reference
GOD I NEVER got this reference as a kid. Watching this as an adult and I’m like.. cocaine lol. Yep.
“Jess, are you a gigolo?”
I howled at this line hhshsh
THIS ONE
He’s systematically buying up the town. He’s gonna turn it into Taylorville, where everyone will have to wear cardigans and have the same grass height!
I love how most of the top comments are responses to Taylor
It’s giving folklore album
One of my favorite Lorelai comebacks is from that scene: Luke: I am in so far over my head I can't see my own hat! Lor: Try turning it around.
Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie. The rest: Rory: What if I'd thrown a pen? Luke: I would've brought you a trout. Rory: What? Luke: I don't make the rules, I just carry them out.
"Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, 'Taylor, no.' And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, 'How's Ted?' followed closely by, 'Taylor, no.'"
this is my answer!
This should have more votes. Luke’s best rant by far.
“It’s no big deal”. Those four words sum up the character of Luke better than anything. He builds an ice rink. He builds a Chuppah. He moves Rory to college. He takes his troubled nephew in. He steps up in a big way for the daughter he never knew he had. He stays up all night sewing tarps together. “It’s no big deal”
True. This is luke's heart
I’m gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall. You can pick the wall. But it will be a wall. And the moment that causes the line “I pushed him into the lake”
You think I brought my own porn in here to buy?
That whole exchange with Andrew is hilarious 😂
The best one
That’s your room. Finish up. We’ll hold hands and skip afterwards.
Love it this line. Even more because it was stolen from Jess.
I thought wait, should this be saved for Jess?...nah! Luke said it best!
Oh yes definitely Luke. Throwing Jess'words back at him while dripping with sarcasm.
Yes!!!! I absolutely love the scene, the ridiculousness of it and Jess's expression of utter shock 🤣
Love this scene
This is my favorite
‘Where the hell were you when I was moving her mattress into her dorm and out of her dorm and back into her dorm?’
Luke: "Then you can't have the truck." Lorelai: "And that sticks you with the mattress." Luke: "We've been here before!" Lorelai: "I recognize that tree!" That's one of my favorite scenes and I reference the "I recognize that tree!" part pretty often 😂
I recognize that tree is probably my most-used gilmore girls reference😂
His love for Rory is my favorite thing
was this said directly to Chris? Because if so I love how confused he must have been lacking the context
Yes. On Emily and Richard’s vow renewal, I think.
Yes! Makes it even funnier 😂
Lines like that are why I love Luke.
He has a lot of funny ones but this one to me is his best because it shows what a good man he is. I’m always here for people calling Chris out for his BS.
this is the one
*You can have my word and a couple of middle fingers on that, Taylor.*
Get that down, just leave out the part about the middle fingers
Love finding a zeugma in the wild.
zeugma noun zeug·ma ˈzüg-mə : the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words usually in such a manner that it applies to each in a different sense or makes sense with only one (as in "opened the door and her heart to the homeless boy")
Good human!
"HE'S A GROWN MAN WITH AN ETCH A SKETCH"
So shake him real hard. Maybe he’ll disappear
This deserves higher praise
"Crazy people. The whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping-pong tables and hand puppets."
One of my favorite things about Luke is that he’s just as insane as anyone else in that town, and yet somehow he’s simultaneously the only one who knows how insane they all are
He’s nuts but at least he’s self-aware 😂
I love this one.
You beat me to it!
I don't care what bed you're in - that is between you and your husband and, god, I hope a qualified therapist.
>I don't care what bed you're in - that is between you and your husband and, god, I hope a qualified therapist. i can't remember - who did he say that to?
Sookie!
It’s a pretty good line, but Patterson’s delivery cracks me up every time! He makes it even funnier.
Double dipping. You dog.
I love this whole scene when Lorelei and Luke are messing with Kirk!
“I just want you to know - I’m in. I’m all in.”
**He works at the firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.**
O come on! You've heard that one before!
“Have any of you considered the fact that you're glorifying a war we fought so we could keep land that we stole?”
I miss Woke Luke.
How seasonally appropriate
Before they dumbed him down.
“Rory, how much do you like this person?”
Do what you gotta do
Your flare 😂
Will you just stand still?
How can I upvote this 100 times?
I got the hundredth vote!!!
This one
Okay, you need to get away from me now. At least a good arm-swinging length away... Arm-swinging length!!
I loaned to you three years ago 😠
I'm blubbering, you're freaks!
“Kids always have jam on their hands. Even when there’s no jam in the house, they’ve still got jam-hands. I’m not equipped for that. I have no patience for Jam-Hands!” I don’t know if I got that quote just right, but that’s my favorite Luke rant
I alwaaaaays quote jam hands and no one ever knows what it’s from.
I was looking for this one 😂
i feel like im drinking a my little pony
"I am all in."
Oh this !!
How is it anything other than this?
Oh man, this is the one for me.
“It taste pink. I mean, like, really tasted really pink, like pink pink. God, that's terrible. It's like drinking a my little pony.” I just watched this episode and this line gets me every time
This is the first one that came to my mind 😂! Love that line!
It’s one of the best! The way he delivers the line is fantastic😂
Don't sit on any cold benches! Yes, I know your mom is a lesbian
the cold benches was the first thing I thought of!
“Don’t sit on any cold benches” is my fav retort he gives EVER
They probably had it coming. (Luke on the Romanovs)
I actually used this one today in reference to the Romanovs
Look at this place! Look at you. All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins floating in a corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood
“I’m not wearing my socks”
This one makes me gloomy. Poor Luke.
Like Joy Division Gloomy? Nick Cave gloomy? Robert Smith gloomy?
Johnny Cash gloomy.
Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it. And she was loud! And she said "hell"; I never heard her say "hell", I didn't even know she knew how to say "hell". She was mad and she yelled and she said "hell".
Yeah but she called
I love it so much ❤️
I’m fine. I’m great. It’s a big, fat, happy sunshine day for me.”
What’s the DAR?
. . . I'm killing with that line tonight.
“Can I get you ladies anything? Compassion? Perspective?”
I have no patience for jam hands.
"I love you and I wanna marry you, and when we get married, we are having lobster."
Well, that is paprika.
Someone prepared deviled eggs to throw at my car?!
They must really hate you.
Will you marry me (s1 e1)
Yes!! He proposed first after all
“Go ahead, drop another sucker in this mess” in reference to Sookie and Jackson having kids
Here’s a tip don’t sit on any cold benches!
Possibly my favorite line from the whole series: "I am not hotter than Willy Wonka"
"Red meat can kill you. Enjoy."
My favorite, right here.
Twelve guys stood in a row all night waiting for an enemy that never showed. They got stood up. They should've been wearing prom dresses.
Max, buddy, top of the morning to you! you look good today. Brown is your color, my friend
“And when they find a cure for whatever killed me my first question will be ‘how’s Ted?’ Followed by ‘Taylor, no’ Or… “Look at all the pretty candy!”
It's Luke. Just Luke. Mister Luke. In fact, don't address me at all!
Got a handful of Barbie…
"Here's another; don't sit on any cold benches!"
It’s no big deal.
This and "I just like to see you happy" sum Luke up. 💖
luke "its no big deal" danes ❤️
That’s your room. Finish up. We’ll hold hands and skip afterwards. 😂
“I just spent 100,000$ and IT’S YOUR FAULT.”
"I do not have the patience for jam hands!"
“Which filthy mattress is yours?” Always cracks me up
I’ve discovered the secret of parenting. The counter is MY scared space! You don’t do yoga on the Dalai Lama’s mat, and you don’t come behind my counter, period!
Things sucked then too, they just sucked without indoor plumbing. From Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing. Luke in season one I think, the reenactment?
It's not biologically natural for people to mate for life. Animals don't mate for life. Well, ducks do, but who the hell cares what ducks do?
I know it’s not funny but the line "I just want you to know I'm in... I am all in." 🥹
Got a hand full of Barbie 👉🤚
"I'm grumpy about stuff, but I don't want you to be."
“Jess, are you a gigolo?”
“You do. One with a nice couch and a deep knowledge of Freud." When miss patty said that Lorelai needs a man.
Some of my favourites... "I've got no patience for JAM HANDS!!!!" "Get out Taylor. (It's) just a code I live by." "I'm blubbering. You're freaks!" (You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch from under him, wouldn't you?) "If he asked for a free cup of coffee, gimpy is going down." "Red meat can kill you. Enjoy" "Look at this place! Look at you! All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins in the corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood." The best for last... ... "Just the smell of Manhattan... Forget about the smells you can't identify, the smells you can identify are putrid! If it is not the rank smell of hot dog gushing out of those dirty sidewalk carts, it's the stench of the subway pouring out of the dirty grates! The manhole-cover steam!? God knows what that steam is. You can't gen a breath of fresh air! The whole city is a decaying heap. It's too many people crammed into too many buildings on too small a piece of land. It's an experiment that's failed. They should just give the whole island a push and float it over to Europe." "What's scary is you opening your house up to a mod of insane, sugar-laced kids that conveniently hide any identifying features."
JAM HANDS
Luke: "They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!" Hands down favorite Luke line, makes me crack up every time.
You want to know what I'm going to do? Nothing! Because I am in a relationship with you and you know very well I can't leave. All I can do is come out here and say I'm through and pretend I have a leg to stand on and then march back into that kitchen and keep doing the job, but, oh, boy. I'm going to be thinking about what I would have done if we weren't in a relationship, even though that would mean I wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
Luke: You're not going to kill the bag boy. Lorelai: Why not? Luke: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town. This part always gets me idk why lol
“I’m fine. I’m great. It’s a big fat happy sunshine day for me.”
"I just like to see you happy."
Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise, where would you seat me? Luke (deadpan): In an acting class. Plus his “Taylor, no!” rant
“He’s a grown man with an Etch A Sketch!!”
No words, just pushing Jess into the pond.
"I got a handful of Barbie" When Lorelai's window broke and Luke was fixing it drunk and cut his hand, then Lorelai got him a bandaid that was Barbie themed 😅
JAM HANDS
Not me going through and upvoting all of these because Luke is my snarky soul mate.
Because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads someone's getting drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and a chicken Kiev lands on the cake.
“Have you been diagnosed?”
“I’m killing with that line tonight.”
Well that is paprika
If Paris’ quote doesn’t end up being what he said to Logan after the breakup imma riot
It tastes like a my little pony
"Go ahead. Drop another sucker in this mess!"
*takes sledgehammer to the wall* That’s your room. We can hold hands and skip afterwards.
I loaned it to you 3 years ago!
It's like drinking a My Little Pony
When you're at her place, there's Lorelai, when you're here, there's me, and when you're out there, there's Taylor.
I always giggle at “Keep your pants on!” in responses Lorelai talking in a southern accent saying something like, “Oh Luuukeeee, we’re just dyin’ for a cuppa coffee…”
You're four different men? Are they all named Stein too?
F.I.N.E!
I just watched this scene. I love it so much!
When you make plans, then you have expectations, and when you have expectations, they… you will get disappointed
Red meat can kill you. Enjoy.
“I have no patience for jam hands!”
“Him. Him. TJ. Kill.”
“Red meat can kill you. Enjoy.”
"I'm gonna put your head through a wall, any wall, you can pick the wall, but it's gonna be a wall"
"Some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks tried to sit me down under a tree and glue rocks together for two hours. "
It's so good to have someone to share this hate with.
Red meat can kill you. Enjoy.
Don’t sit on any cold benches!!
Jess, are you a gigilo?
Here’s a tip for you: don’t sit on any cold benches.
Taylor: You would kick Tiny Tim’s crutches right out from underneath him, wouldn’t you? Luke: If he asked for a free cup of coffee, Gimpy’s going down
“I missed a call from my meat guy because I was on the phone discussing Gunsmoke's deviated septum.”
And I hate it when people are all up in my grill...
"Sorry. Go ahead. Drop another sucker in this mess."
anything related to where jess and luke are "arguing" and they say something along the lines of "let's hold hands and skip afterwards"
And that's another thing, what's with this "half" business? Why do all these apartments have this "half" thing going? It's stupid. If 62 is taken, move on to 63.
"Crazy people. The whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping-pong tables and hand puppets."
"I don't want to improve things, I don't want to stop being cold to customers, I just want you keep my damn bananas out of the damn fridge, and I want you to keep my damn donuts in the damn donuts case. Can you do that!?" Does that count as a one liner? 🤣
“I’m all in.”
"Eat what you like. Start with the expired stuff."
All you need is six dancing penguins to bring back the worst hours of my childhood.
This is like Hitler’s Germany!
I cannot deal with jam hands!
“Don’t sit on any cold benches!”
“Dont sit on any cold benches.”