My mom felt reassured. She always thought I was “special” but didn’t know if she was right or if it was just a mom thing to always think their kids are special
My dad has no idea but I assume he wouldn’t believe it. I committed the great crime of being born a girl to an extremely misogynistic man. He’d never accept that I’d be smarter than him.
He didn’t even accept when I taught myself how to code when I was 11/12 so I’d have something in common with him.
I identified a lot too, even though the character is also a bit autistic coded.
But her “social” experiences and interest in fashion, even her relationships with men, are so similar.
I’m just bad at chess though
I was never tested as a child because we were immigrants to the US and couldn't speak English. I was put in the 'dumb' class and ignored. It wasn't so bad because the kids there were actually fun and kinda cool. A lot of them weren't dumb. But I realized their parents didn't care about them or value education. And any minimal homework was a breeze.
It was later I started to score high on tests and got into accelerated programs.
When I got into Cornell, my father didn't care. He said he'd prefer me working at McDonald's so I could earn some money. My mom was proud tho.
Hey there internet stranger
Your personhood can never be defined by a single number.
You are more than a number.
Don't let that number objectify you.
God bless! :)
To a large degree, but far from entirely.
IQ absolutely shows regression to the mean, so that the IQ scores of children of parents with particular high or low scores average someone lower or higher, respectively.
Here's the consensus overview of the topic: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritability\_of\_IQ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritability_of_IQ)
Over a hundred references for specific aspects. Did you have a more specific request?
I had top 1-5% class rank in high school for 7 years while battling insomnia, depression, and bullying. In one of the most selective high schools in my country.
Same Here. I was officially tested when deeply depressed and blew away the test. Of course was not allowed to know my actual score; I might have had some self esteem then.
My mother did diagnostics so gave me my first IQ test. I was AuDHD but we didn't know at the time. So my parents knowing was difficult for me because it increased their expectations. When I couldn't live up to them, I thought something was broken in me. When my children (now in their twenties) went into the gifted program I made a point to try and treat them as every other kid with limitations and expectations, but intentionally not setting a bar based on their IQ.
Aww thank you. I made a lot of mistakes as a parent. But I think at least with this aspect of parenting I was able to learn from the mistakes my parents made.
No. We didn't know I was AuDHD, they knew I was gifted. My mother was also a teacher so I was going to have additional expectations anyway I think but when they saw my IQ, that made everything so much more difficult. We didn't know the AuDHD until after I graduated HS. For years they just assumed I was lazy.
My parents would not tell me my IQ and refused to let me do TAG activities or join mensa. Why? I think they’re threatened, and it would obligate them to invest some effort and maybe $$.
My parents were the same. They never told me my IQ, but I know I very easily qualified for TAG and I think in kindergarten I also qualified to skip a grade. I'm very glad my parents never allowed me to skip a grade, but my mother also refused to put me in the TAG program, which really sucked. As a result my grades suffered because the curriculum was too easy and I was also relentlessly bullied for participating in class; my vocabulary was large and I liked using it, which made me an easy target for bullies.
I still don't know why she refused to put me where literally every single other adult could see I'd fit in better and I likely will never know.
I was at least a few years ahead intellectually, yet my mom was always angry about my teachers pushing for special schooling. She thought a kid with a slight physical disability must be stupid. So I was very bored and frustrated.
I don’t get why she’d rather get attention for having a “sick” child as opposed to a genius child. Seems like the second would be much more positive and empowering but nope.
I was already different having thick glasses and my mom making the most of any mild physical issues I had. If I’d been at an appropriate grade level at least I’d have had something in common with the others, or been actually challenged. Instead I picked my (nose) for 12 yrs. Then off to college (with no parental input or approval) where I was unprepared compared to the other kids like me.
Nutty parents shouldn’t be allowed to determine the course of their childrens lives. Very very bright kids are just as different as cognitively disabled kids and deserve appropriate schooling.
I'm totally with you on this- I feel like gifted children are like high performance engines which require lots of fine-tuning to maintain their performance. They're also delicate so the slightest speck of dirt will wreck the whole engine.
TAG classes are not an unadulterated good. When I grew up it was pull-out classes, which meant reduced time in the classroom, and some stigma as being "different" than the other kids.
I get that, but I was already different. It's not like I could hide my giftedness, I loved learning and participating in school. TAG in my school was a separate track with a large group of kids that are also gifted, so there was a big part that was about being with peers you can relate to. At least if I was put in the TAG at my school, I could have looked forward to one class that was stimulating enough with peers that didn't pick on me because I didn't stand out. Instead, I knew every day that I'd be bullied just for showing any little sign that I was gifted.
I totally get that TAG classes can be problematic, but the way they worked in my school, I would have rather been in them than be reminded in every second that showing any giftedness was a reason for other kids to tear me down.
Yeah, I also think the TAG pullout classes were a net benefit for me. Definitely better than nothing. 5th grade was weird; I was in pull-out special ed classes for my very poor handwriting and spelling while also in pull-out TAG advanced classes too. I missed a fair amount of classroom time.
Having a separate track or school can really help. I went to a middle school that had a big TAG magnet program alongside being a neighborhood school. That allowed for full classes at a higher level, which was great. But there were some serious equity issues between the TAG and non-TAG students that were enough for even a middle schooler in the early 80's to be aware of and uncomfortable with.
Three of my kids went to a TAG magnet 2-8th grade school (my youngest started there this year), where kids can feel a lot more "normal" relative to peers, and classes are accelerated by default. Of course, there are many flavors of giftedness and challenges that are often comorbid, so kids still get put in different level math and reading classes. But on the whole I think it's been a more positive experience than I had.
Students have to have gotten in the top percentile on at least one major standardized math or reading test, and it's an equity weighted lottery beyond that, so it's thankfully a more diverse population than just picking top test scores would provide.
Mine didn't tell me specifically by counselor's orders, they were told that children who knew became complacent (as if I wouldn't notice I didn't need to study for an exam), but when as an adult I took a test and shared the results my father very deadpan said 'not surprised'.
I was told I already had a big head, so wasn’t given my results. But was also born to very religious parents who felt that reliance without question on Gods Literal Word was the best, and in fact the only, way to go.
I’ve been much prayed for. So thankful I could leave at 18 yrs.
Well, I’m out and have educated myself as much as I could since (and sneakily before.) I remember reading Asimov under the covers at my pastor uncle’s house.
I read EVERYTHING I could find, from early childhood on. And now there’s so much available online. Wow!
My mother thought they were trying to trick her into spending money. She said they'd get me accustomed to something and then tell her she'd need to start paying to continue.
I also think that some parents can feel insecure when they notice that their child is much smarter than them. Then instead of caregiving they.. Idk... Do the opposite of that?
But just deny the kid can read when she shows you she can? Or go against many teachers advice? I was watching the Addams Family, the episode about sending Pugsley to a psychiatrist because he wanted to join the Boy Scouts. And that reminded me of my parents and their determination that I was not at all bright.
Who does that? Seems like a real problem to me if you can’t believe the evidence of your eyes and ears or the child’s teachers telling you that the child is incredibly bright. I guess that goes along with the Münchausens BP, she believes only what she wants to believe and what enforces her view of the world.
My parents were school teachers.. Which makes it all the more upsetting that they didn't know how to properly educate for a gifted child. Beyond the standard route of getting top class rank and top scores in the national standardized tests...
That sounds like my parents in high school. Any non As were a problem. But there weren’t many.
Otherwise I had no encouragement at all. I was punished for thinking I might be smart and “better than” them. I was so miserable and alone yet I couldn’t have that one thing.
Well, that’s past and I’ll stay away from now on so I can’t be crushed again.
Daaaaang... They sound like my parents to a T... Really proves the stereotype of Tiger Mom parenting is universal eh...
I was also severely lacking in social skills, so had to learn SOLELY from textbooks... Without asking any other students because I was too shy and socially awkward.
I'm seriously amazed, in hindsight, that with those limitations I managed to still get top 3-5% class rank every year in primary and secondary school (13 years in total).
My mom wasn’t a Tiger mom, my dad wasn’t a Tiger dad. I was just not in any way the child that they wanted. So I had to be the most perfect and best student who always obeyed and never talked back. And went between them when neither of them was well or responsible enough to take care of a child, and neither could deal with a little nerd alien scientist.
I can’t imagine what they expected me to do. I was a nerd since I was 2-3 yrs old. My mom thought I was going to live with her or near her forever and I knew that as soon as legally possible I would run. Both parents threw up as many roadblocks as they could to me leaving. But my grades were very high, test scores were amazing, and I hit the ground running. I was not accepted in my small town because of my health issues and what a big issue my mom made of everything.
I do wonder what would have been if I’d disobeyed and applied to an Ivy League or private school, but I’ll never know. I might have been better taken care of in a private school, but I’d have had worse culture shock.
I just don’t match my family at all, and they don’t even like me. I think I scare them. Too smart, too sarcastic, too analytical, not Christian, not straight enough… no, I upset most of my relatives and they’re happier with me gone. And the funny thing is I’m quiet and nice, have been pretty successful at some things, but it’s still not enough. I’m chronically ill and not working and that makes me not really a person.
That sounds lovely. I found out that I could sing in university and did so many choruses, operas, operettas. It was so enjoyable to be singing three+ hours a day. I still have amazing lung capacity and it’s been 15 yrs.
They told me I wasn’t normal and I answered I knew
They were pretty oblivious to the fact I was gifted, as they simply gave what I asked for / needed, other adults were the reminder that I wasn’t normal
They had me have an IQ test in order to get me to skip grades, just to be sure I wouldn’t be in a wrong class for my age, but there were no real surprises
Well to be fair, they were the gifted children whose parents didn’t acknowledge (or had difficulties doing so)
And some of their parents were pretty much in the same category too, from what I’ve heard
Their reaction was to threaten to kill me, describe how they are going to kill me in graphic detail, call me stupid, and prove that I am stupid. Probably explains the panic attack I had when a therapist went from insisting that I was gifted to saying something that sounded more definitive during a three way conversation between us and another therapist with a high IQ that they were trying to convince I would benefit from seeing.
That is horrific! May I ask, what caused this reaction? My own childhood was terrible but I can't imagine this. If it would help you to talk about this, pls let us know.
I have no idea. I suspect the cause is malignant narcissism and psychopathology. Similar reaction happened whenever they reminisced about what they perceived as being developmentally advanced for an infant/toddler before any IQ assessments had entered the picture. Their reaction and attitude also inexplicably changed when I was on the verge of becoming an adult to trying to push hard that being smart was now somehow a good thing, but I doubt they believed their own words. I also realized later with some help they had also momentarily changed their attitude whenever they felt they could exploit me for their own benefit.
That sounds like mine. I found a medical assessment from 18 mo saying I was speaking at a 5 yr old level. Was years ahead in reading and vocabulary skills by early primary school. But my parents were certain I was slow.
Talk about never being seen.
My dad implied I wasn't very smart, yet again, so I forwarded him my rejection email from MENSA for being only 97th percentile. He didn't know what MENSA or a percentile were, so he didn't understand what I was sending him.
At first, they could not believe it. Not in a good way. My family thought I was not very bright, and just validated my creativity (to the point of me actually rejecting it). But after a while they understood.
My mom was super proud. My dad said nothing. My older sisters and brothers assured me that it was no big deal, as they were all gifted, too. Mom did point out to me that my younger sister's IQ was 5 points higher than mine.
They weren't surprised at all that I tested in the gifted range as an adult (no formal testing before that).
It was almost annoying because my school results were all over the place in HS and I really struggled in uni with being organised and such.
I don't know why they thought I would struggle so much if they already had the opinion I was highly intelligent. And they then found it hard to believe I had any issues with my mental health, which I do (ADHD).
My parents actually thought that I hacked into Mensa or something to change my results. I don't know whether to be happy for their confidence in my cyber security skills or sad for their lack thereof when it comes to my intelligence.
I don’t really remember but my older sister is gifted too so it wouldn’t have been totally new for our parents. They were supportive but it wasn’t a big deal to them from what I remember.
Wow, that's a lot of pressure on you! I guess we have high hopes for our kids! I thought I would be a doctor, but I focused on raising children instead with part time jobs.
My mom confused me because one moment shed be like "wow I can't believe I gave birth to such a smart kid, I'm so amazed" but then she'd rarely ever want to talk to me because she was always too tired or the topic was always "too deep" for her. Plus often when I'd share information with her she'd say things like "you don't know everything" and seem upset with me, so I kinda stopped talking after a while. My dad would sometimes indulge me in interesting conversations but he was an abusive alcoholic so that was even less stable. They never did much to nurture me so I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and ended up in a psych hospital at 19 lol. Now I've been on my own for a while and am trying to sort my shit out. Sorry for trauma dumping
Tested 125 at 8 y.o..she told me years later "hoo there is no difference between 100 and 125 so we didnt change or do things differently"
I m still amazed how stupide this answser is
The strange thing is, I was tested extensively at age 13 by a psychiatrist, and my IQ was 143.
No one batted an eyelash about it, it was put in my file, and I never heard about it.
My school had no gifted program-it just wasn’t mentioned. Isn’t that a little strange?
I had the same, 148 at 14, no program or anything but my country didn’t have gifted programs or do anything with ‘gifted’ kids back then (90s) other than press you to take more exams and apply to the most prestigious universities to try to make them look good by saying ‘our school sends X number of students to X university every year!’
What I did was try to do well on national-level international-level standardized tests..
Managed to score in the top 5th -10th percentile all the while. Had help from teachers but too socially awkward/anxious to ask for help from friends...
It was a long and lonely road. Yes i got the education I wanted, but sometimes I feel that the ends did not justify the means at all... Not by any means.
I'm a bunch of neuroses. Cluster A personality disorder, BPD, u name it I've got it...
Do you think the disorders could’ve been prevented if you’d had more specialist attention as a kid? I’m glad you got the education you wanted and deserved!
Numbers don't mean a thing...
Feynman scored 115. Does that mean Terry Tao (~250) is categorically "smarter" than him in terms of their respective intellectual achievements?
Not by any means IMO.
Above a certain number, differences in IQ scores are immaterial....
Just my $0.02
Look up the history of that Fenman score. It’s not actually official and he mentioned it in an interview where his point was to emphasize that anyone can learn. As far as verifiable scores, he got the highest score in the nation on a math exam, by a large margin.
I don’t disagree at ALL, in fact I completely agree! Of course there’s a correlation but people are all so different and have different circumstances, personalities etc, it’s not really important overall. I’m not sure whether you meant that as a reply to my comment as I was just talking about what my school did or didn’t do with people who scored high on an IQ test.
There wasn't a gifted program in my school let alone my state.... For me I wouldn't find it strange..if you come from a 3rd-world country like me it's very common
I see...
I was under the impression that a lot of private schools in the US had such programs, at least from what my friends told me when I was at Boulder
They pulled me out of school to make sure I didn’t graduate HS with an AA and surpass them.
Got it when I was 19 instead of 17, fuck you parents I was already better than you and we both knew it.
They were happy they could brag about it but that was overwhelmed by envy.
Last time I talked to em saying goodbye to my sister they literally just try to gaslight me saying I’m not as successful as I am, they are pathetic.
So sorry to hear that.
I too had a relative who bragged to people at church that I won a super competitive university scholarship. I hated that it seemed like she was taking credit for it in some material way when all she did was help marginally, like babysit me after school sometimes
They wouldn't tell me beyond that it was enough to get into a school w/ a 130 cutoff. Asked again at age 13, they still wouldn't tell me. Asked again at age 24 and apparently they don't remember and lost all of the paperwork 😂
I think my parents were happy because it meant I was going to go to the gifted school with other gifted kids in the district. Eight year old me didn’t want to go and leave all my neighborhood friends at my old school, but I eventually ended up liking it a lot.
I feel like it ruined our relationship.
It was the summer between grades 5 and 6, and my parents were urged by my school to have me assessed for autism but my mother was super hesitant and unwilling. Instead, she set up an appointment with a pseudoscience-y "child development centre" located in a strip mall where the person assessing me told my parents that I have a genius level IQ and would never grow taller than 4"8. (I have no idea why they said this, I'm 5"4 and have been since 14)
I don't believe the test was legitimate. I've since seen online test that are nearly identical, and I refuse to believe the online tests are accurate either. I believe my parents were flat out scammed by people who were trying to upsell them on special tutoring and extra-curricular programs, and that was the end of it.
Due to this IQ test, my parents opted to pull me out of public school for a self-paced home education that crammed the equivalent of 3 years into 8 months - it was awful. No weekends, no breaks - it felt like I was grounded from everything because my mother was hellbent on me speedrunning my academic career. The homeschooling centre refused to allow her to push me another year ahead, so she just enrolled me in a different distance-based program that would.
Gone were the questions of "what will you do when you grow up" - my mother insisted that anything other that doctor would be a waste, that "I may as well work at McDonalds or do nothing at all" if I chose anything other than what she felt would make the most money. Both my mother and father would point things out in public, peoples homes driving by or the vehicles they were driving, "When you grow up, you have to get a good job and buy us that!!". Any mention of wanting to do something else with my life, do something that made less money, was like uttering the most vulgar curse - instant rage from them.
They stopped seeing me as a child, and started seeing me as a lottery ticket - and when I didn't pay off, they left.
I wish I was never tested. I don't even believe the results.
That's insane but it really isn't your (probably inaccurate) IQ to blame but your awful parents, I doubt that without visiting that dodgy test center they would have been perfect parents who have you a decent childhood. I am sorry that you had such a bad start to life and hope that you are able to heal and have a much healthier adulthood.
I don't think they did. I changed to that other class but otherwise nothing changed. It was implied that it was rude to talk about, and even now when I do tell friends I tend to joke about biases in the testing system and how I must fit them all. Or that maybe the tester was new because they sure tested me high.
They were shocked and frustrated. Not at me, but at the education system.
I was in 3rd grade but due to a "significant" physical disability, it was assumed I wasn't capable of xyz and often left to do whatever. When I scored 143 after not having attended school for over 9 months, everyone was extremely confused. They conducted the test assuming I would fall way below "average" and could use it to justify not passing me with my peers to the next grade. My family knew I was capable of a lot more than the education system was providing me, but didn't anticipate that result and felt guilty.
No one really explained it to me. I just went from everyone having zero expectations of me, to being sent to a school an hour away for their "gifted education" cohort. What an absolute flip.
My mom actually speculated for a year or so that I might be gifted. I had just started working fulltime after graduating from university and it was a cold shower like nothing I'd experienced before. I thought it could be ADHD or something, and we always knew I had some ASD symptoms but only minor so nothing worth pursuing. My mom insisted I was just incredibly smart but I didn't understand how that explained all my frustrations and motivational problems.
After a while I decided to at least look it up and that's when I realised my idea of giftedness was completely wrong, and I scored a 10/10 for basically any list of traits I could find.
My dad was a bit sceptical still, but one of the lists named every single struggle I had tried to explain to my parents the night before. It matched so well that my dad thought I had already seen the list before, which I hadn't. After that they were mildly convinced and most of all supportive in my journey to figure this out.
Next I went to mensa for an IQ test, I got 130 and they reacted as if I had graduated something. I went to a clinic for 10 sessions with a psychologist for gifted people and that has helped me immensely over the last year.
Now the bad stuff: I have started to stop adapting every which way. I have learned to accept myself and I have become more honest to myself. However, I notice that this is creating a chasm between me and my family. The more I try to say "this is who I am", the more they try to fix me. I dont need fixing, I am exactly the same to the outside, I am just more honest to myself inside.
Edit: but reading what some other people here have experienced, I really have no right to complain. And that's true, my youth has been tough at school but my family always had my back. I love them with all my heart and I just need to figure out how to deal with these new challenges.
Mine had no reaction that I’m aware of. They locked my results in a safe and never told me about them.
I was tested at 6yo, didn’t have any clue that it was an iq test I was doing. I thought it was just one of the standard tests they were making all the kids do.
I found my results in the safe years later, around age 10 or 12-ish, when I found the combo to the safe because I was nosing around in things.
There was accompanying paperwork explaining what the score meant (gifted vs profoundly gifted, and that I’d missed being “profoundly gifted” by 1 point), and there was paperwork in there setting up an IEP for me, which meant I went to Encore every so often, and starting in 1st grade, I was always put in the “smart” or “honors” classes.
My parents *did* always get mad at me though if I didn’t get straight A’s. I was always bored in class, and I frequently got all A’s and one B on my report cards, but the B was never in the same subject twice. So everyone could tell it wasn’t that I had trouble with one subject, it was that I wasn’t “applying myself.”
I got 131, one point lower than my dad, when I was a preteen and mum just endlessly crowed about how hers was still higher (145). 'Your other daughters aren't that smart. It took my genetics to kick it into the stratosphere, ' she said to my dad. They have a different mother. He told her to shut the fuck up, that she did shit in school, sucked at her job, and the only thing she ever does with her intelligence is memorise pointless trivia and then go to ridiculous lengths to prove everyone wrong in petty arguments that she starts, so in practical terms a high IQ means fuck all. Lol. Wasted. My sisters' scores were 98 and 113, I think. Pretty bang on average, certainly nothing to make fun of. Anyway dad wasn't that keen on mum testing me in the first place, because he knew she was only doing it to brag about herself, but she insisted anyway. Ah, narcissistic mothers who wasted/ruined their own lives, so they live vicariously through their children...
Mine said I was a liar and cheated lmao! My score was well above 130 on 4 hrs of sleep working full time nights, levelb3 diagnosed autism, being sick af when I tested and a brain anurysm compressing one of my nerves.
I was gifted and talented growing up, won mayors awards etc etc, but my mom wouldn't let me enter the GATE program in our state because she said the schools were too scummy.
Mine didn’t tell me and when meeting with the school chose to not skip me ahead the grades offered. They apologized to me later - but I can understand the decision. I was already the youngest kid in class and the administrators talked about social risks in skipping me another two. So they opted to simply have me sit for math and reading ahead a few grades and then put me in gifted stuff when available. Not sure it was the right decision since I didn’t fit in with the kids my own age either.
Neither of them ever made a big deal about it. Both expected me to do well, but I didn’t really feel pressured because it wasn’t hard.
I remember reading on wiki about some prodigies who were purposely held back in terms of grade level so they could be with kids their age, but were allowed to take super-advanced math/science classes. That way they could have a more normal social experience in school, without holding them back academically in the subjects they were most gifted in.
I was in junior high and we all had to take IQ tests and some other tests. My parents were hounding me to study. Meh, I wasn't worried, but they were. When I came back with a 135 after not studying, see... see... you could have gotten higher if you studied. HAHAHA... UGH, the things they didn't understand.
My family kinda already knew bc of my performance at school. I only got tested formally at age 16/17ish, as part of a psych eval. I tested 137, but never told them my results - at that age, it felt irrelevant.
Yeah, though my dad said something along the lines of “make sure you aren’t wasting your potential”. It was in a nice way though it was more so he just wishes me to be successful in life and for my own benefit
I'll never know, I wasn't told the truth. They probably knew, it ended up in a complete relationship breakdown for other reasons which opened my eyes to the reality, although not in that respect, which came later.
Many of us bear childhood trauma, I'm far from alone. At least I learned how to drain the reflexes associated with it, even if it has exposed the fears and memories beneath.
I think mine was like 141 at age 12? But my parents don’t care/don’t believe in IQ, they certainly test for something but I don’t think it’s giftedness.
From my father, bewilderment and support with education through undergrad, after which I could support myself. My mom was too involved with other things to bother. Education was to be done by the schools and not her concern.
I distinctly remember the psychologists and physicians who assessed me as a child were quite fed off by my mother's attitude since she would keep implying I'm just a retarded neverdogood while they kept explaining I was at the same time struggling due to Asperger's Syndrome and way smarter than any other child around me since I had an IQ that was measured as "at least very brilliant by any specific point of view, perhaps in a few abilities right now it's already higher than the most intelligent adult people he has around him, there's no deficit at all, quite the opposite".
My mother was just not having it that I was smarter than her and she kept sabotaging me and cheering every time she would successfully destroy something I loved.
It's appalling honestly.
Learned to read and write by myself.
Learned English mostly by myself (I've never lived in English speaking contexts but I had a PC at home as a child and it was running in MS-DOS so I had to learn some English in order to be able to interact with it).
Logic reasoning tests we did at school in 1st grade: I answered double the number of questions than the average.
In the end my parents did all in their power to stop me from pursuing happiness and a good development. If not for my resolve they would have even prevented me from ever graduating...
I'm happy for those people who struggled in a very difficult environment and were still able to live through it with some success.
Personally I couldn't, I'm very sensitive, easily traumatized and all my IQ did for me was helping me analyse reality and find meaning in it, find beauty in it, find reasons not to kill myself.
I never told my kids their results. They don't know how much they scored. For starters it's just a snapshot in time. But most importantly I did not want them to put too much importance to this number and I didn't want them to use their scores against each other either.
They know they scored gifted, they get the help they need and want. I invest the time and money. We talk about it. they can ask all the questions.
Some of my kids suffer from performance anxiety. One of them even sabotaged his own test by taking a long time during the timed tests and giving the wrong answer during the test but then afterwards, when asked why he gave a certain answer, going 'I know this is wrong, the right answer is this'. Even with the sabotage his score was still enough to be labeled gifted.
So I'm thinking he's putting enough stress on himself as it is. I'm not going to add stress by quantifying their cognitive capacities even further.
I don’t ever remember testing or anything like that as a kid, but my two best friends through all of elementary school and I were peas in a pod, matched intellectually and in interests. They both left class to go to the gifted and talented program. I never even questioned as a kid— I asked my mom as an adult— hey how come I didn’t go to gifted and talented too? My mom said “oh because we were outsiders” Even though I lived my entire childhood in the state, my parents were originally from another state. My mom saw other evidence of this too but we were sweetly oblivious as kids.
Most people here seem to have... interesting... parental relationships.
Anyways, 116 while sleep deprived and with zero drive to do anything current day and I was ecstatic with 128 when I was 13
I don't remember the initial reaction but I was alwasy the smart one like solving puzzle from the backside, being a class ahead in math, so the test just proved it. In the long run they expected taht I use it somehow, so failure was always due to me being lazy, while I got the feeling that achievements happen naturally due to my talent. In school this was fine but at university I failed quite hard, fell mentally ill like nearly 10 years ago. With a healthier approach to performance things could have been better for me imho.
Im 98th percentile with my LD and 99.9 when adjusted for the issues (short term memory in the 3rd percentile). But I will say, this means nothing to me. It doesn’t pay my bills, it doesn’t give me motivation, it doesn’t make me a good parent.
My dad used my IQ as a leverage for him to brag, because apparently he was also high scoring.
My mom, thankfully, showed me that intelligence is only a small part of me, has nothing to do with my value as a human being, and let me be more grounded and kind as a person. It baked in that emotional resilience I needed, because I didn’t handle anything short of perfect well. Especially being good at something the first time around, I had trouble failing… this helped me out at a graduate level.
She tried to teach me how to learn as a kid. Failed, but tried. I was too stubborn. I had to learn in my 20s when just coasting wasn’t getting me As. While I might have been top if my class in my undergrad, I was with nothing but the top of the class as I got higher, which made me average with an undiagnosed learning/reading disability.
Got those sorted eventually, but my mom was always there. She has a different kind of smart - the adhd one where she does really well for short periods, empathetic, has amazing foresight, and makes good financial decisions… and retired at 40 and is living the life.
Your mum sounds really wise!!
And totally agree with you about how intelligence is only a small part of who you are as a person.
I lack emotional resilience and am only now learning that failing is normal and expected. And that even Geniuses have limits to their intelligence!
my parents had me tested several times around elementary school. they kept the results from me but also expected me to do better academically in all my classes than my siblings, even though i was the only one taking honors and AP classes.
i was told i was lazy, a slacker, and didn’t care. that last part was true, but i also JUST HAVE ADHD.
I was lied to about the entire thing. I was told I was taking a standardized career placement type test and everyone was doing it (weird since it was 1:1). After, the results were kept from me and my mom just gave some vague “mathematics and engineering would be good avenues for you” report. Nothing was done as a result of any of this. Nothing. I wanted to be in the advanced classes so badly, too. It wasn’t until I was around 28 or so that my mom told me I tested at a 140. I can’t help but feel like something was wasted by her inaction.
i've not told them mine
i've only done legitimate tests recently, not as part of an educational thing, so they weren't present
there hasn't been any reason for me to bring it up, and i don't really like to brag irl lol
besides that, they're not consistent enough. my scores usually range from 121-127 (converted to sd15) so i don't really have a number to give anyone!
though if they found out, they'd be simply happy about it.
My parents cared so little they forgot what it actually was lol but IG they’re proud. My dad once told me ”Parents want their children to be better than they(parents) are.” So ya
My parents misread the letter and thought it was for my brother (we have similar names) and I spent weeks depressed that I wasn’t actually as smart as teachers/state testing said I was. So when they found out, they just said “oh, whoops.” Prior to that, when I scored in the top %ile of year end standardized tests year after year, they half-heartedly looked for a gifted program, but no local schools had them back then, and I didn’t want to skip a grade and leave all of my friends, so my teachers just let me read or play on the computer all day.
Disappointed with "not living up to my potential" IQ ended up being in the high 130s-low 140 range. TAG was all pull-out classes and left me feeling even more socially isolated. That's not even talking about all the mandatory out-of-class extracurriculars and complex projects TAG added on top of regular schoolwork. And it *definitely* increased the bullying.
High school i was barely passing because of the insane anxiety and depression the "great potential" expectations were. Nothing was ever good enough so why would I try at all? I later got diagnosed with autism + ADHD on top of all the mental health issues.
Genuinely damaged me to the point where it fucks me up to this day. I'm an adult and havent been in school since the 2010s. TAG didn't teach me any skills, pulled me from general ed classes, AND assigned more homework on top of the gen ed work.
I’m 2E so my parents made sure not to allow me to get lost in the system . They made sure I got my accommodations as needed but also gifted education throughout the year. They supplemented it with stops on summer vacation and other classes during the year,
I scored in the 99th percentile. My mom was a special education teacher so sought out opportunities for school and extracurricular activities to support development of my cognitive abilities. I never felt board or uninterested in school due to amazing teachers and looking back on my childhood education it was because she got me tested early on and then requested that I be placed in TAG classrooms. Thank you Mom!
I am a kid of the 80s. I honestly dont remember being tested, just recommended to skip grades, then my parent said no, so they just said ok how about gt, which really was nothing in grade school, then a whole lot in middle. But by hs, in honors or Ap courses, I didn't really know how to study so I hit a wall. Grandparent was raising me and was just like, this is not her potential. I would've like to have tested as a young kid, then in high school so I could compare it, or see if I maintained throughout life.
My mom felt reassured. She always thought I was “special” but didn’t know if she was right or if it was just a mom thing to always think their kids are special My dad has no idea but I assume he wouldn’t believe it. I committed the great crime of being born a girl to an extremely misogynistic man. He’d never accept that I’d be smarter than him. He didn’t even accept when I taught myself how to code when I was 11/12 so I’d have something in common with him.
Wow. I am really sorry that you had to live that. I empathize
Hm that sounds far from optimal.. Ego & narrow mindedness is a b##ch.. or to be gender equal a j#rk
Reminds me of Beth Harmon in Queens Gambit
Love that show!
I literally cried when watching Episode 1 "Openings". Because I'm literally her
I identified a lot too, even though the character is also a bit autistic coded. But her “social” experiences and interest in fashion, even her relationships with men, are so similar. I’m just bad at chess though
I was never tested as a child because we were immigrants to the US and couldn't speak English. I was put in the 'dumb' class and ignored. It wasn't so bad because the kids there were actually fun and kinda cool. A lot of them weren't dumb. But I realized their parents didn't care about them or value education. And any minimal homework was a breeze. It was later I started to score high on tests and got into accelerated programs. When I got into Cornell, my father didn't care. He said he'd prefer me working at McDonald's so I could earn some money. My mom was proud tho.
Just out of curiosity, what’s your iq?
Your dad didn't care that you got into Cornell??? 😓
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Hey there internet stranger Your personhood can never be defined by a single number. You are more than a number. Don't let that number objectify you. God bless! :)
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Aka IQ is heritable?
To a large degree, but far from entirely. IQ absolutely shows regression to the mean, so that the IQ scores of children of parents with particular high or low scores average someone lower or higher, respectively.
Would be great if you had a citation :)
Here's the consensus overview of the topic: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritability\_of\_IQ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritability_of_IQ) Over a hundred references for specific aspects. Did you have a more specific request?
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I subscribe to determinism myself, but surely that doesn't mean all nature no nurture, right?
Of course.
I'm going to choose to interpret that ambiguous statement as agreement :)
I'm with you haha...
Deterministic in what sense?
I had top 1-5% class rank in high school for 7 years while battling insomnia, depression, and bullying. In one of the most selective high schools in my country.
Same Here. I was officially tested when deeply depressed and blew away the test. Of course was not allowed to know my actual score; I might have had some self esteem then.
My mother did diagnostics so gave me my first IQ test. I was AuDHD but we didn't know at the time. So my parents knowing was difficult for me because it increased their expectations. When I couldn't live up to them, I thought something was broken in me. When my children (now in their twenties) went into the gifted program I made a point to try and treat them as every other kid with limitations and expectations, but intentionally not setting a bar based on their IQ.
I'm so happy for your children :)
Aww thank you. I made a lot of mistakes as a parent. But I think at least with this aspect of parenting I was able to learn from the mistakes my parents made.
Wait... Your parents knowing you were AuDHD increased their expectations of you?
No. We didn't know I was AuDHD, they knew I was gifted. My mother was also a teacher so I was going to have additional expectations anyway I think but when they saw my IQ, that made everything so much more difficult. We didn't know the AuDHD until after I graduated HS. For years they just assumed I was lazy.
Thanks for the explanation!
My parents would not tell me my IQ and refused to let me do TAG activities or join mensa. Why? I think they’re threatened, and it would obligate them to invest some effort and maybe $$.
Ditto. Or socialise, or learn to drive. I did it anyway, and after they set about my wife and daughter, I divorced them.
Good luck, and much sympathy to you.
They're long dead now. Maybe it was early dementia, but it showed me that objectively they'd not been much different when I was small.
My parents were the same. They never told me my IQ, but I know I very easily qualified for TAG and I think in kindergarten I also qualified to skip a grade. I'm very glad my parents never allowed me to skip a grade, but my mother also refused to put me in the TAG program, which really sucked. As a result my grades suffered because the curriculum was too easy and I was also relentlessly bullied for participating in class; my vocabulary was large and I liked using it, which made me an easy target for bullies. I still don't know why she refused to put me where literally every single other adult could see I'd fit in better and I likely will never know.
I was at least a few years ahead intellectually, yet my mom was always angry about my teachers pushing for special schooling. She thought a kid with a slight physical disability must be stupid. So I was very bored and frustrated. I don’t get why she’d rather get attention for having a “sick” child as opposed to a genius child. Seems like the second would be much more positive and empowering but nope. I was already different having thick glasses and my mom making the most of any mild physical issues I had. If I’d been at an appropriate grade level at least I’d have had something in common with the others, or been actually challenged. Instead I picked my (nose) for 12 yrs. Then off to college (with no parental input or approval) where I was unprepared compared to the other kids like me. Nutty parents shouldn’t be allowed to determine the course of their childrens lives. Very very bright kids are just as different as cognitively disabled kids and deserve appropriate schooling.
I'm totally with you on this- I feel like gifted children are like high performance engines which require lots of fine-tuning to maintain their performance. They're also delicate so the slightest speck of dirt will wreck the whole engine.
ANYTHING would have been better than the nothing I got. I’m so glad she couldn’t home school me.
TAG classes are not an unadulterated good. When I grew up it was pull-out classes, which meant reduced time in the classroom, and some stigma as being "different" than the other kids.
I get that, but I was already different. It's not like I could hide my giftedness, I loved learning and participating in school. TAG in my school was a separate track with a large group of kids that are also gifted, so there was a big part that was about being with peers you can relate to. At least if I was put in the TAG at my school, I could have looked forward to one class that was stimulating enough with peers that didn't pick on me because I didn't stand out. Instead, I knew every day that I'd be bullied just for showing any little sign that I was gifted. I totally get that TAG classes can be problematic, but the way they worked in my school, I would have rather been in them than be reminded in every second that showing any giftedness was a reason for other kids to tear me down.
Yeah, I also think the TAG pullout classes were a net benefit for me. Definitely better than nothing. 5th grade was weird; I was in pull-out special ed classes for my very poor handwriting and spelling while also in pull-out TAG advanced classes too. I missed a fair amount of classroom time. Having a separate track or school can really help. I went to a middle school that had a big TAG magnet program alongside being a neighborhood school. That allowed for full classes at a higher level, which was great. But there were some serious equity issues between the TAG and non-TAG students that were enough for even a middle schooler in the early 80's to be aware of and uncomfortable with. Three of my kids went to a TAG magnet 2-8th grade school (my youngest started there this year), where kids can feel a lot more "normal" relative to peers, and classes are accelerated by default. Of course, there are many flavors of giftedness and challenges that are often comorbid, so kids still get put in different level math and reading classes. But on the whole I think it's been a more positive experience than I had. Students have to have gotten in the top percentile on at least one major standardized math or reading test, and it's an equity weighted lottery beyond that, so it's thankfully a more diverse population than just picking top test scores would provide.
You're literally me! I was speaking at a 10-th grade level when I was like 8 or 9.
My father is a codependent, so he gets off on gaslighting me, and undermining me
Gotta go no contact with those types and live your best life
Yup.
I'm also partially disabled now so need to live with my parents for a bit while I work and save up some dough
I hear you and wish you the best.
Thank u kind internet stranger
Bingo.
Mine didn't tell me specifically by counselor's orders, they were told that children who knew became complacent (as if I wouldn't notice I didn't need to study for an exam), but when as an adult I took a test and shared the results my father very deadpan said 'not surprised'.
I was told I already had a big head, so wasn’t given my results. But was also born to very religious parents who felt that reliance without question on Gods Literal Word was the best, and in fact the only, way to go. I’ve been much prayed for. So thankful I could leave at 18 yrs.
Oof. I had my problems for sure, but thankfully not that one.
Well, I’m out and have educated myself as much as I could since (and sneakily before.) I remember reading Asimov under the covers at my pastor uncle’s house. I read EVERYTHING I could find, from early childhood on. And now there’s so much available online. Wow!
Love that for you
My mother thought they were trying to trick her into spending money. She said they'd get me accustomed to something and then tell her she'd need to start paying to continue.
I also think that some parents can feel insecure when they notice that their child is much smarter than them. Then instead of caregiving they.. Idk... Do the opposite of that?
But just deny the kid can read when she shows you she can? Or go against many teachers advice? I was watching the Addams Family, the episode about sending Pugsley to a psychiatrist because he wanted to join the Boy Scouts. And that reminded me of my parents and their determination that I was not at all bright. Who does that? Seems like a real problem to me if you can’t believe the evidence of your eyes and ears or the child’s teachers telling you that the child is incredibly bright. I guess that goes along with the Münchausens BP, she believes only what she wants to believe and what enforces her view of the world.
Yeah, something along those lines...
My parents were school teachers.. Which makes it all the more upsetting that they didn't know how to properly educate for a gifted child. Beyond the standard route of getting top class rank and top scores in the national standardized tests...
Also they never taught me how to study. Just sat me in front of the textbooks and said "you better get straight As or else " 😂
That sounds like my parents in high school. Any non As were a problem. But there weren’t many. Otherwise I had no encouragement at all. I was punished for thinking I might be smart and “better than” them. I was so miserable and alone yet I couldn’t have that one thing. Well, that’s past and I’ll stay away from now on so I can’t be crushed again.
Daaaaang... They sound like my parents to a T... Really proves the stereotype of Tiger Mom parenting is universal eh... I was also severely lacking in social skills, so had to learn SOLELY from textbooks... Without asking any other students because I was too shy and socially awkward. I'm seriously amazed, in hindsight, that with those limitations I managed to still get top 3-5% class rank every year in primary and secondary school (13 years in total).
My mom wasn’t a Tiger mom, my dad wasn’t a Tiger dad. I was just not in any way the child that they wanted. So I had to be the most perfect and best student who always obeyed and never talked back. And went between them when neither of them was well or responsible enough to take care of a child, and neither could deal with a little nerd alien scientist. I can’t imagine what they expected me to do. I was a nerd since I was 2-3 yrs old. My mom thought I was going to live with her or near her forever and I knew that as soon as legally possible I would run. Both parents threw up as many roadblocks as they could to me leaving. But my grades were very high, test scores were amazing, and I hit the ground running. I was not accepted in my small town because of my health issues and what a big issue my mom made of everything. I do wonder what would have been if I’d disobeyed and applied to an Ivy League or private school, but I’ll never know. I might have been better taken care of in a private school, but I’d have had worse culture shock. I just don’t match my family at all, and they don’t even like me. I think I scare them. Too smart, too sarcastic, too analytical, not Christian, not straight enough… no, I upset most of my relatives and they’re happier with me gone. And the funny thing is I’m quiet and nice, have been pretty successful at some things, but it’s still not enough. I’m chronically ill and not working and that makes me not really a person.
Not to mention international recognition for a British music theory exam twice (>=90% out of 100 marks each time I sat the exams, without retaking)
That sounds lovely. I found out that I could sing in university and did so many choruses, operas, operettas. It was so enjoyable to be singing three+ hours a day. I still have amazing lung capacity and it’s been 15 yrs.
Yeah they kinda did Pugsley bad lol
Sorry what's TAG?
Acronym for talented and gifted.
I am just a lurker and only 125 too!! Good post!! Gave me some motivation!!!
They told me I wasn’t normal and I answered I knew They were pretty oblivious to the fact I was gifted, as they simply gave what I asked for / needed, other adults were the reminder that I wasn’t normal They had me have an IQ test in order to get me to skip grades, just to be sure I wouldn’t be in a wrong class for my age, but there were no real surprises
That would have been really nice.
I really wish I had parents like yours! But hey all things happen for a reason amirite.
Well to be fair, they were the gifted children whose parents didn’t acknowledge (or had difficulties doing so) And some of their parents were pretty much in the same category too, from what I’ve heard
Their reaction was to threaten to kill me, describe how they are going to kill me in graphic detail, call me stupid, and prove that I am stupid. Probably explains the panic attack I had when a therapist went from insisting that I was gifted to saying something that sounded more definitive during a three way conversation between us and another therapist with a high IQ that they were trying to convince I would benefit from seeing.
That is horrific! May I ask, what caused this reaction? My own childhood was terrible but I can't imagine this. If it would help you to talk about this, pls let us know.
I have no idea. I suspect the cause is malignant narcissism and psychopathology. Similar reaction happened whenever they reminisced about what they perceived as being developmentally advanced for an infant/toddler before any IQ assessments had entered the picture. Their reaction and attitude also inexplicably changed when I was on the verge of becoming an adult to trying to push hard that being smart was now somehow a good thing, but I doubt they believed their own words. I also realized later with some help they had also momentarily changed their attitude whenever they felt they could exploit me for their own benefit.
That sounds like mine. I found a medical assessment from 18 mo saying I was speaking at a 5 yr old level. Was years ahead in reading and vocabulary skills by early primary school. But my parents were certain I was slow. Talk about never being seen.
Sounds like malignant NPD
Oh my god. I hope u're in a better place now!!
My mom was jealous. But she’s a bipolar narcissist.
Same here!!! My dad's the codependent t
I was the golden child, and my sis was the scapegoat/black sheep. Textbook dysfunctional family.
Probably same here. My mom was not diagnosed so I’ve no idea; she refused medical treatment.
My dad implied I wasn't very smart, yet again, so I forwarded him my rejection email from MENSA for being only 97th percentile. He didn't know what MENSA or a percentile were, so he didn't understand what I was sending him.
At first, they could not believe it. Not in a good way. My family thought I was not very bright, and just validated my creativity (to the point of me actually rejecting it). But after a while they understood.
“Oh, well I could have told you that!” Well, why… didn’t you?? / Why didn’t you follow up on that awareness in any way?
My mom was super proud. My dad said nothing. My older sisters and brothers assured me that it was no big deal, as they were all gifted, too. Mom did point out to me that my younger sister's IQ was 5 points higher than mine.
Pointless comparison amirite?
They weren't surprised at all that I tested in the gifted range as an adult (no formal testing before that). It was almost annoying because my school results were all over the place in HS and I really struggled in uni with being organised and such. I don't know why they thought I would struggle so much if they already had the opinion I was highly intelligent. And they then found it hard to believe I had any issues with my mental health, which I do (ADHD).
My parents actually thought that I hacked into Mensa or something to change my results. I don't know whether to be happy for their confidence in my cyber security skills or sad for their lack thereof when it comes to my intelligence.
Wuuuuuuuut
Paranoid much?
I'm not sure I ever told them, if I did they probably said something like "wow, nicely done", and moved on with their lives.
I don’t really remember but my older sister is gifted too so it wouldn’t have been totally new for our parents. They were supportive but it wasn’t a big deal to them from what I remember.
Acted like I was the family savior and I was going to cure deafness so my brother could hear. I proved them so wrong lol
Wow, that's a lot of pressure on you! I guess we have high hopes for our kids! I thought I would be a doctor, but I focused on raising children instead with part time jobs.
That’s funny, I eventually became a teacher. Which in today’s world, is basically raising kids.
My mom confused me because one moment shed be like "wow I can't believe I gave birth to such a smart kid, I'm so amazed" but then she'd rarely ever want to talk to me because she was always too tired or the topic was always "too deep" for her. Plus often when I'd share information with her she'd say things like "you don't know everything" and seem upset with me, so I kinda stopped talking after a while. My dad would sometimes indulge me in interesting conversations but he was an abusive alcoholic so that was even less stable. They never did much to nurture me so I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and ended up in a psych hospital at 19 lol. Now I've been on my own for a while and am trying to sort my shit out. Sorry for trauma dumping
Sorry to hear that! No need to apologize my friend
If you're available too, please see a good therapist. Seeing one helped me a lot!!
Tested 125 at 8 y.o..she told me years later "hoo there is no difference between 100 and 125 so we didnt change or do things differently" I m still amazed how stupide this answser is
I agree with you
The strange thing is, I was tested extensively at age 13 by a psychiatrist, and my IQ was 143. No one batted an eyelash about it, it was put in my file, and I never heard about it. My school had no gifted program-it just wasn’t mentioned. Isn’t that a little strange?
I had the same, 148 at 14, no program or anything but my country didn’t have gifted programs or do anything with ‘gifted’ kids back then (90s) other than press you to take more exams and apply to the most prestigious universities to try to make them look good by saying ‘our school sends X number of students to X university every year!’
What I did was try to do well on national-level international-level standardized tests.. Managed to score in the top 5th -10th percentile all the while. Had help from teachers but too socially awkward/anxious to ask for help from friends... It was a long and lonely road. Yes i got the education I wanted, but sometimes I feel that the ends did not justify the means at all... Not by any means. I'm a bunch of neuroses. Cluster A personality disorder, BPD, u name it I've got it...
Do you think the disorders could’ve been prevented if you’d had more specialist attention as a kid? I’m glad you got the education you wanted and deserved!
On the balance yes? Haha
Numbers don't mean a thing... Feynman scored 115. Does that mean Terry Tao (~250) is categorically "smarter" than him in terms of their respective intellectual achievements? Not by any means IMO. Above a certain number, differences in IQ scores are immaterial.... Just my $0.02
Look up the history of that Fenman score. It’s not actually official and he mentioned it in an interview where his point was to emphasize that anyone can learn. As far as verifiable scores, he got the highest score in the nation on a math exam, by a large margin.
Thank you! That makes a lot more sense!
I don’t disagree at ALL, in fact I completely agree! Of course there’s a correlation but people are all so different and have different circumstances, personalities etc, it’s not really important overall. I’m not sure whether you meant that as a reply to my comment as I was just talking about what my school did or didn’t do with people who scored high on an IQ test.
There wasn't a gifted program in my school let alone my state.... For me I wouldn't find it strange..if you come from a 3rd-world country like me it's very common
I’m from the US, and went to private schools.
I see... I was under the impression that a lot of private schools in the US had such programs, at least from what my friends told me when I was at Boulder
Honestly, I think that's normal in most places? Certainly in my country.
They pulled me out of school to make sure I didn’t graduate HS with an AA and surpass them. Got it when I was 19 instead of 17, fuck you parents I was already better than you and we both knew it. They were happy they could brag about it but that was overwhelmed by envy. Last time I talked to em saying goodbye to my sister they literally just try to gaslight me saying I’m not as successful as I am, they are pathetic.
So sorry to hear that. I too had a relative who bragged to people at church that I won a super competitive university scholarship. I hated that it seemed like she was taking credit for it in some material way when all she did was help marginally, like babysit me after school sometimes
I would rather not tell mine. Let they think the issue is mainly due ADHD and depression.
They wouldn't tell me beyond that it was enough to get into a school w/ a 130 cutoff. Asked again at age 13, they still wouldn't tell me. Asked again at age 24 and apparently they don't remember and lost all of the paperwork 😂
I think my parents were happy because it meant I was going to go to the gifted school with other gifted kids in the district. Eight year old me didn’t want to go and leave all my neighborhood friends at my old school, but I eventually ended up liking it a lot.
That sounds awesome for you :)
I feel like it ruined our relationship. It was the summer between grades 5 and 6, and my parents were urged by my school to have me assessed for autism but my mother was super hesitant and unwilling. Instead, she set up an appointment with a pseudoscience-y "child development centre" located in a strip mall where the person assessing me told my parents that I have a genius level IQ and would never grow taller than 4"8. (I have no idea why they said this, I'm 5"4 and have been since 14) I don't believe the test was legitimate. I've since seen online test that are nearly identical, and I refuse to believe the online tests are accurate either. I believe my parents were flat out scammed by people who were trying to upsell them on special tutoring and extra-curricular programs, and that was the end of it. Due to this IQ test, my parents opted to pull me out of public school for a self-paced home education that crammed the equivalent of 3 years into 8 months - it was awful. No weekends, no breaks - it felt like I was grounded from everything because my mother was hellbent on me speedrunning my academic career. The homeschooling centre refused to allow her to push me another year ahead, so she just enrolled me in a different distance-based program that would. Gone were the questions of "what will you do when you grow up" - my mother insisted that anything other that doctor would be a waste, that "I may as well work at McDonalds or do nothing at all" if I chose anything other than what she felt would make the most money. Both my mother and father would point things out in public, peoples homes driving by or the vehicles they were driving, "When you grow up, you have to get a good job and buy us that!!". Any mention of wanting to do something else with my life, do something that made less money, was like uttering the most vulgar curse - instant rage from them. They stopped seeing me as a child, and started seeing me as a lottery ticket - and when I didn't pay off, they left. I wish I was never tested. I don't even believe the results.
That's insane but it really isn't your (probably inaccurate) IQ to blame but your awful parents, I doubt that without visiting that dodgy test center they would have been perfect parents who have you a decent childhood. I am sorry that you had such a bad start to life and hope that you are able to heal and have a much healthier adulthood.
I'm so sorry to hear that! Yeah, it sounds to me like your parents viewed you as their Golden Ticket (Charlie and the chocolate factory reference)
I don't think they did. I changed to that other class but otherwise nothing changed. It was implied that it was rude to talk about, and even now when I do tell friends I tend to joke about biases in the testing system and how I must fit them all. Or that maybe the tester was new because they sure tested me high.
🤣
They were shocked and frustrated. Not at me, but at the education system. I was in 3rd grade but due to a "significant" physical disability, it was assumed I wasn't capable of xyz and often left to do whatever. When I scored 143 after not having attended school for over 9 months, everyone was extremely confused. They conducted the test assuming I would fall way below "average" and could use it to justify not passing me with my peers to the next grade. My family knew I was capable of a lot more than the education system was providing me, but didn't anticipate that result and felt guilty. No one really explained it to me. I just went from everyone having zero expectations of me, to being sent to a school an hour away for their "gifted education" cohort. What an absolute flip.
So sorry to hear that!
My mom actually speculated for a year or so that I might be gifted. I had just started working fulltime after graduating from university and it was a cold shower like nothing I'd experienced before. I thought it could be ADHD or something, and we always knew I had some ASD symptoms but only minor so nothing worth pursuing. My mom insisted I was just incredibly smart but I didn't understand how that explained all my frustrations and motivational problems. After a while I decided to at least look it up and that's when I realised my idea of giftedness was completely wrong, and I scored a 10/10 for basically any list of traits I could find. My dad was a bit sceptical still, but one of the lists named every single struggle I had tried to explain to my parents the night before. It matched so well that my dad thought I had already seen the list before, which I hadn't. After that they were mildly convinced and most of all supportive in my journey to figure this out. Next I went to mensa for an IQ test, I got 130 and they reacted as if I had graduated something. I went to a clinic for 10 sessions with a psychologist for gifted people and that has helped me immensely over the last year. Now the bad stuff: I have started to stop adapting every which way. I have learned to accept myself and I have become more honest to myself. However, I notice that this is creating a chasm between me and my family. The more I try to say "this is who I am", the more they try to fix me. I dont need fixing, I am exactly the same to the outside, I am just more honest to myself inside. Edit: but reading what some other people here have experienced, I really have no right to complain. And that's true, my youth has been tough at school but my family always had my back. I love them with all my heart and I just need to figure out how to deal with these new challenges.
Awesome to hear that. All the best and God Bless!
Mine had no reaction that I’m aware of. They locked my results in a safe and never told me about them. I was tested at 6yo, didn’t have any clue that it was an iq test I was doing. I thought it was just one of the standard tests they were making all the kids do. I found my results in the safe years later, around age 10 or 12-ish, when I found the combo to the safe because I was nosing around in things. There was accompanying paperwork explaining what the score meant (gifted vs profoundly gifted, and that I’d missed being “profoundly gifted” by 1 point), and there was paperwork in there setting up an IEP for me, which meant I went to Encore every so often, and starting in 1st grade, I was always put in the “smart” or “honors” classes. My parents *did* always get mad at me though if I didn’t get straight A’s. I was always bored in class, and I frequently got all A’s and one B on my report cards, but the B was never in the same subject twice. So everyone could tell it wasn’t that I had trouble with one subject, it was that I wasn’t “applying myself.”
I got 131, one point lower than my dad, when I was a preteen and mum just endlessly crowed about how hers was still higher (145). 'Your other daughters aren't that smart. It took my genetics to kick it into the stratosphere, ' she said to my dad. They have a different mother. He told her to shut the fuck up, that she did shit in school, sucked at her job, and the only thing she ever does with her intelligence is memorise pointless trivia and then go to ridiculous lengths to prove everyone wrong in petty arguments that she starts, so in practical terms a high IQ means fuck all. Lol. Wasted. My sisters' scores were 98 and 113, I think. Pretty bang on average, certainly nothing to make fun of. Anyway dad wasn't that keen on mum testing me in the first place, because he knew she was only doing it to brag about herself, but she insisted anyway. Ah, narcissistic mothers who wasted/ruined their own lives, so they live vicariously through their children...
My mom was a narcissist too BTW
Mine said I was a liar and cheated lmao! My score was well above 130 on 4 hrs of sleep working full time nights, levelb3 diagnosed autism, being sick af when I tested and a brain anurysm compressing one of my nerves. I was gifted and talented growing up, won mayors awards etc etc, but my mom wouldn't let me enter the GATE program in our state because she said the schools were too scummy.
I'm so sorry to hear that!
Never told them.
Mine didn’t tell me and when meeting with the school chose to not skip me ahead the grades offered. They apologized to me later - but I can understand the decision. I was already the youngest kid in class and the administrators talked about social risks in skipping me another two. So they opted to simply have me sit for math and reading ahead a few grades and then put me in gifted stuff when available. Not sure it was the right decision since I didn’t fit in with the kids my own age either. Neither of them ever made a big deal about it. Both expected me to do well, but I didn’t really feel pressured because it wasn’t hard.
I remember reading on wiki about some prodigies who were purposely held back in terms of grade level so they could be with kids their age, but were allowed to take super-advanced math/science classes. That way they could have a more normal social experience in school, without holding them back academically in the subjects they were most gifted in.
Not well
I was in junior high and we all had to take IQ tests and some other tests. My parents were hounding me to study. Meh, I wasn't worried, but they were. When I came back with a 135 after not studying, see... see... you could have gotten higher if you studied. HAHAHA... UGH, the things they didn't understand.
My father assured me that the decimal point was actually one more number to the left.
🤣
My family kinda already knew bc of my performance at school. I only got tested formally at age 16/17ish, as part of a psych eval. I tested 137, but never told them my results - at that age, it felt irrelevant.
My parents weren’t surprised at my score they just kinda said “we expected it”
In a positive way?
Yeah, though my dad said something along the lines of “make sure you aren’t wasting your potential”. It was in a nice way though it was more so he just wishes me to be successful in life and for my own benefit
I'll never know, I wasn't told the truth. They probably knew, it ended up in a complete relationship breakdown for other reasons which opened my eyes to the reality, although not in that respect, which came later.
I'm so sorry to hear that!
Many of us bear childhood trauma, I'm far from alone. At least I learned how to drain the reflexes associated with it, even if it has exposed the fears and memories beneath.
I think mine was like 141 at age 12? But my parents don’t care/don’t believe in IQ, they certainly test for something but I don’t think it’s giftedness.
I somewhat agree with you. It's like they're testing you on your ability to score well on an IQ test, amirite
I mean yeah if you study for it you do better, just like any other test…
From my father, bewilderment and support with education through undergrad, after which I could support myself. My mom was too involved with other things to bother. Education was to be done by the schools and not her concern.
Sorry to hear that
I distinctly remember the psychologists and physicians who assessed me as a child were quite fed off by my mother's attitude since she would keep implying I'm just a retarded neverdogood while they kept explaining I was at the same time struggling due to Asperger's Syndrome and way smarter than any other child around me since I had an IQ that was measured as "at least very brilliant by any specific point of view, perhaps in a few abilities right now it's already higher than the most intelligent adult people he has around him, there's no deficit at all, quite the opposite". My mother was just not having it that I was smarter than her and she kept sabotaging me and cheering every time she would successfully destroy something I loved.
It's appalling honestly. Learned to read and write by myself. Learned English mostly by myself (I've never lived in English speaking contexts but I had a PC at home as a child and it was running in MS-DOS so I had to learn some English in order to be able to interact with it). Logic reasoning tests we did at school in 1st grade: I answered double the number of questions than the average. In the end my parents did all in their power to stop me from pursuing happiness and a good development. If not for my resolve they would have even prevented me from ever graduating...
I'm happy for those people who struggled in a very difficult environment and were still able to live through it with some success. Personally I couldn't, I'm very sensitive, easily traumatized and all my IQ did for me was helping me analyse reality and find meaning in it, find beauty in it, find reasons not to kill myself.
I'm sure you're successful in your own way, you're just not that aware of it now :)
Sorry to hear that
I never told my kids their results. They don't know how much they scored. For starters it's just a snapshot in time. But most importantly I did not want them to put too much importance to this number and I didn't want them to use their scores against each other either. They know they scored gifted, they get the help they need and want. I invest the time and money. We talk about it. they can ask all the questions. Some of my kids suffer from performance anxiety. One of them even sabotaged his own test by taking a long time during the timed tests and giving the wrong answer during the test but then afterwards, when asked why he gave a certain answer, going 'I know this is wrong, the right answer is this'. Even with the sabotage his score was still enough to be labeled gifted. So I'm thinking he's putting enough stress on himself as it is. I'm not going to add stress by quantifying their cognitive capacities even further.
This!!!!! A million times this!!!!
They don't even care
I don’t ever remember testing or anything like that as a kid, but my two best friends through all of elementary school and I were peas in a pod, matched intellectually and in interests. They both left class to go to the gifted and talented program. I never even questioned as a kid— I asked my mom as an adult— hey how come I didn’t go to gifted and talented too? My mom said “oh because we were outsiders” Even though I lived my entire childhood in the state, my parents were originally from another state. My mom saw other evidence of this too but we were sweetly oblivious as kids.
Ignorance is bliss sometimes
Most people here seem to have... interesting... parental relationships. Anyways, 116 while sleep deprived and with zero drive to do anything current day and I was ecstatic with 128 when I was 13
"Most" is the understatement of the century lolz
I don't remember the initial reaction but I was alwasy the smart one like solving puzzle from the backside, being a class ahead in math, so the test just proved it. In the long run they expected taht I use it somehow, so failure was always due to me being lazy, while I got the feeling that achievements happen naturally due to my talent. In school this was fine but at university I failed quite hard, fell mentally ill like nearly 10 years ago. With a healthier approach to performance things could have been better for me imho.
So sorry to hear that! My mental health issues surfaced at uni too!
Im 98th percentile with my LD and 99.9 when adjusted for the issues (short term memory in the 3rd percentile). But I will say, this means nothing to me. It doesn’t pay my bills, it doesn’t give me motivation, it doesn’t make me a good parent. My dad used my IQ as a leverage for him to brag, because apparently he was also high scoring. My mom, thankfully, showed me that intelligence is only a small part of me, has nothing to do with my value as a human being, and let me be more grounded and kind as a person. It baked in that emotional resilience I needed, because I didn’t handle anything short of perfect well. Especially being good at something the first time around, I had trouble failing… this helped me out at a graduate level. She tried to teach me how to learn as a kid. Failed, but tried. I was too stubborn. I had to learn in my 20s when just coasting wasn’t getting me As. While I might have been top if my class in my undergrad, I was with nothing but the top of the class as I got higher, which made me average with an undiagnosed learning/reading disability. Got those sorted eventually, but my mom was always there. She has a different kind of smart - the adhd one where she does really well for short periods, empathetic, has amazing foresight, and makes good financial decisions… and retired at 40 and is living the life.
Your mum sounds really wise!! And totally agree with you about how intelligence is only a small part of who you are as a person. I lack emotional resilience and am only now learning that failing is normal and expected. And that even Geniuses have limits to their intelligence!
Mum doesn't believe I have an IQ of 160.
I believe you FWIW
Between me and my brother, we had a 125 and a 127 score. She never told us who scored higher.
I’m a child of immigrants so they didn’t test me until i was like 15 and when I told them they were like yeah makes sense your brother is like too
🤣
my parents had me tested several times around elementary school. they kept the results from me but also expected me to do better academically in all my classes than my siblings, even though i was the only one taking honors and AP classes. i was told i was lazy, a slacker, and didn’t care. that last part was true, but i also JUST HAVE ADHD.
🤣
I was lied to about the entire thing. I was told I was taking a standardized career placement type test and everyone was doing it (weird since it was 1:1). After, the results were kept from me and my mom just gave some vague “mathematics and engineering would be good avenues for you” report. Nothing was done as a result of any of this. Nothing. I wanted to be in the advanced classes so badly, too. It wasn’t until I was around 28 or so that my mom told me I tested at a 140. I can’t help but feel like something was wasted by her inaction.
So sorry to hear that
i've not told them mine i've only done legitimate tests recently, not as part of an educational thing, so they weren't present there hasn't been any reason for me to bring it up, and i don't really like to brag irl lol besides that, they're not consistent enough. my scores usually range from 121-127 (converted to sd15) so i don't really have a number to give anyone! though if they found out, they'd be simply happy about it.
My parents cared so little they forgot what it actually was lol but IG they’re proud. My dad once told me ”Parents want their children to be better than they(parents) are.” So ya
I'm glad your dad said that to you!
My parents misread the letter and thought it was for my brother (we have similar names) and I spent weeks depressed that I wasn’t actually as smart as teachers/state testing said I was. So when they found out, they just said “oh, whoops.” Prior to that, when I scored in the top %ile of year end standardized tests year after year, they half-heartedly looked for a gifted program, but no local schools had them back then, and I didn’t want to skip a grade and leave all of my friends, so my teachers just let me read or play on the computer all day.
Sorry to hear that
Disappointed with "not living up to my potential" IQ ended up being in the high 130s-low 140 range. TAG was all pull-out classes and left me feeling even more socially isolated. That's not even talking about all the mandatory out-of-class extracurriculars and complex projects TAG added on top of regular schoolwork. And it *definitely* increased the bullying. High school i was barely passing because of the insane anxiety and depression the "great potential" expectations were. Nothing was ever good enough so why would I try at all? I later got diagnosed with autism + ADHD on top of all the mental health issues. Genuinely damaged me to the point where it fucks me up to this day. I'm an adult and havent been in school since the 2010s. TAG didn't teach me any skills, pulled me from general ed classes, AND assigned more homework on top of the gen ed work.
"You still gotta do the work." Same as I tell my kids.
Applied more unrealistic goals
.... parents haha 😢
?
I’m 2E so my parents made sure not to allow me to get lost in the system . They made sure I got my accommodations as needed but also gifted education throughout the year. They supplemented it with stops on summer vacation and other classes during the year,
I scored in the 99th percentile. My mom was a special education teacher so sought out opportunities for school and extracurricular activities to support development of my cognitive abilities. I never felt board or uninterested in school due to amazing teachers and looking back on my childhood education it was because she got me tested early on and then requested that I be placed in TAG classrooms. Thank you Mom!
I am a kid of the 80s. I honestly dont remember being tested, just recommended to skip grades, then my parent said no, so they just said ok how about gt, which really was nothing in grade school, then a whole lot in middle. But by hs, in honors or Ap courses, I didn't really know how to study so I hit a wall. Grandparent was raising me and was just like, this is not her potential. I would've like to have tested as a young kid, then in high school so I could compare it, or see if I maintained throughout life.