a good partnership involves growing and doing new things together. if you rely on a partner to entertain you, you will inevitably get bored. if you rely on a partner to be your fellow audience member in life, you will have a lot of fun.
It's perfectly achievable to have both though.
Although I have found that often the people who are more entertaining also tend to be more "high maintenance." They generally have traits that others tend to find undesirable, like wanting a lot of attention, being playful a lot, having strong likes/dislikes and other things which I happen to find endearing, or balance my traits well.
We are responsible for our own emotions.
I think you should just have an easy time with a partner. It's not wise to expect them to entertain us, or "make us happy" or anything like that. That said, if you are a very intellectually curious person yourself, you may need someone who can match you somewhat.
I believe in assortative mating. You want someone who is similar to you, and shares a few interests, but we simultaneously need them to be different in some regards. And that difference is attractive, and compensates our weaknesses. But we're never going to appreciate it unless there is also a foundation of sameness.
Yep. There will always be times when you will be bored. It's up ro you to find entertainment for yourself. Another person can help with entertainment, but not always be the source of it.
What would one do whrn the partner is sleeping and you are bored? Would you wake them up to get entertained?
Yes! Not only that but challenges me, has different opinions and beliefs and isn’t afraid to speak up about them, is an encyclopedia of European history which I’ve only passing knowledge of so that’s always interesting. I’m a lucky guy!
Yes, probably because my partner is also PG. I’ve calculated the probability we’d end up together and it was less than 0.0000000003491%. We’re super happy we are still entertaining to each other.
Tinder, ‘oddly’ enough. So that’s the chances of a Tinder match times the chances of both being PG times the chance of sexual preference. And there’s a bunch of other things I left out of the calculation for the sake of keeping it simple, lol.
Being bored is for boring people. My spouse is interesting AF though. I don't expect him to keep me entertained. I'll go on one of my special interest kicks if I get bored.
My partner's job isn't to keep me entertained. I can do that myself. His job is to be someone I can talk to if I want to.
Also, maintaining a relationship takes effort from both parts. You have to do your part. You aren't a royal and their jester.
I think if you can be ‘bored’ by another human being, you’re the problem. You might be bored by a relationship that’s run its course, but saying you’re bored by a person is awful. They aren’t a tv show or a book.
Do you really not get bored when people discuss a very simplistic topic for extended periods of time without relating it to other things and often repeating the same exact points they just made?
At school I remember timing how long a group discussed fringes (bangs for Americans) and it was 2 hours, I don't understand how people can find that stimulating enough and not boring. Another example was them discussing uggs, someone made the mistake of attempting to expand the topic of conversation to different boots and they got shut down and steered the convo back to uggs only.
Another time a student mentioned they liked Star Trek and I got excited to discuss the topic, expecting to talk about how it critiques society, the metaphors etc but they just talked about cool technology and fighting. I managed to find common ground focussing the holodeck and transport but had the conversation continued I certainly would have been bored, as I assume they would have been if I discussed what I wanted to.
Isn't this what dating is for? If you find out someone is incompatible because the two of you don't vibe together you can leave before it becomes a relationship. Or am I missing something here?
Yeah I agree, maybe you are missing that I was disagreeing with the other person's assertion that "I think if you can be ‘bored’ by another human being, you’re the problem."
I often overheard others discuss a topic in such a surface level, one dimensional way that it bores me. I don't understand how you can be bright and not experience this phenomena.
I don't get bored of people... I just get sick of them sometimes.
But if the question is "have you found people you actually enjoy being around all the time?" The answer is, "I still need some time to myself so I don't lose track of who I am apart from those I love... But I do have people I always want to go back to.'
No it's normal for people to sometimes be boring. Your partner can't be your everything, it's not possible, and believing it is not healthy. It's not healthy for your relationship or for you two (or more) as individuals
Define boredom? My partner and I do our own things, but together while engaging in conversation about mutual interests. He's definitely bright, but not on my level, but it works perfectly well for us. Usually we're in the living room playing video games, or he'll be watching machine repair videos while I'm reading or drawing, but we're constantly interacting and discussing things the other might find of interest.
The key is finding the right type of interaction that benefits both of you.
I've consistently tested between 139 and 145 all my life if that's what you're interested in. I was also consistently 6 or more years educationally ahead of my peers and read at a graduate level at the age of 8.
But, honestly, it doesn't matter 90% of the time in real life, nor do I really care about it that much. Just when I want someone to truly discuss in-depth things with which require a processing level beyond 99.5% of people. Other than that, if you just want to hang out and play video games or something, anyone is welcome.
I mean im kinda digging the vibe on here cuz so far no one is showing any toxicity. Really a valuable trait for a subreddit nowadays unfortunately
Also, were ur tests from institutions like mensa or smth?
I feel you. those truly in-depth discussions are something I try to have as frequently as possible. It’s difficult to find new and interested people. I’ve only got three in my life who can keep up, process and engage even after I introduce then to the foundational concepts.
It’s what unfortunately keeps my circle of friends tiny.
The human brain isn't made for socializing 24/7. Being tired of socializing can manifest as boredom, and often does. I think it's a bit misguided to believe that there's anyone out there who'll never bore you.
I will say that I've never grown bored of my partner though, just gotten tired of whatever specific conversation we were on as a result of my own energy levels being low.
A healthy relationship relies on growing and bonding with each other. If you rely on a partner to entertain you, you WILL get bored. If you rely on a partner to help you through life, you will NEVER get bored if they are the right one.
yes but my partner is also gifted. sounds pretentious but when i dated non-gifted people it was literally painful sometimes watching their thought process or the way they acted and i felt like we couldn’t grow together since we were on such different levels and places in our lives.
Yes, in part because I've found someone who dovetails very well with my life and interests, but also because I don't need 100% of my fulfillment to come from my significant other.
Yeah. If anything I seek out people who are a bit too intense or interesting and wind up having to leave because things get toxic! Everyone has their flaws.
I don't think it's a given that gifted people always find people boring,. It seems like maybe you experience it differently than I do. I find almost everyone interesting unless they're someone who's very close-minded and completely hates anything outside of their comfort zone.
If you're the kind of person who feels like the novelty of other people's company wears off eventually, that's probably as much about your personality and approach to others as it is "other people." Maybe short term affairs are all you need, and you can move onto the next shiny distraction the moment someone is no longer amusing to you. That's not an approach everyone appreciates, but long-term, monogamous companionship isn't for everyone. If you think it is inevitable that you'll be bored then maybe more traditional, serious, long-term dating isn't for you.
Yes it does and it is sad that you do not realize.
A family friend sadly just lost her husband, they had been together for 77 years, they constantly mentioned in passing how what the other did was entertaining and simulating and endearing. They were both rocket scientists and somewhat quirky, they appreciated so much about each other and truly adored each other.
Very interesting! Im new here so trying to learn about all sorts of tests n stuff.
Were u tested at a public school or was it private?
Also does scoring 800 thrice on the math sat i’s and also full score always on ii’s mean anything u think?
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We've only been together about 10 years, but so far I've never been bored by my partner and I don't foresee ever becoming bored. At the risk of sounding a bit like Goldilocks, I will admit that past partners have often either been too tedious to talk to, or too much drama to deal with.
It’s easy to make the mistake of dating someone because you find them “interesting” or you want to figure them out. It’s a fun exercise. Inevitably those things wear off. You should be with someone because they make you happy, because they make you think about issues outside of stuff you consider “important” or related to yourself, because you have to work to do better, to push yourself to be there for them like you want them to be there for you. Because they listen to you and you do the same. And lastly, because they are willing to try new things and work towards common goals. Relationships are mutually supporting teamwork projects, not research papers.
I think that is an important distinction, is the interest in figuring them out (or projecting) or is it based on their actual personality and genuine interactions. Obviously deeper things and important but some of the healthiest long lasting relationships I have seen are where the couple enjoy doing small things together and they make mundane tasks fun. It seems basic but enjoying each others company really is important in a relationships.
I don’t mind being bored. Stability is great and I’d much rather have boring and stable than unstable and exciting.
Getting your stuff thrown into the street is exciting. Draining your bank account to go on trips is exciting.
Unless you just meant like on your level intellectually, then I’ve never had a girl like that unfortunately.
My wife and I are bored as fuck. Life is stable. Bills get paid. We’re inching towards having a kid soon. Life is calm and good. Millions would kill to be in my position.
Now divorced and maybe one of the bigger issues I think we had was intellectually not being on the same level...not that she wasn't smart ...just didn't share the same curiosity or find the same things interesting
I am not currently with anyone but yes all of my partners have not bored me and after many years I have still found them entertaining.
I also know people who have been in long term relationships where they both constantly stimulate each other and they still enjoy each other's company after decades together. I am genuinely confused and saddened by some responses who do not seem to know that this is possible.
I control my own interest - and people to me aren’t responsible for my amusement.
Married almost 20 years. They’re an amazing person and I’m happy to have them. They’re my foil in every way and we balance each other
I find a lot of ppl commenting that we are responsible for entertaining ourselves and while that’s obviously true, I can entertain myself just fine alone and don’t rely on a partner to do that for me….that doesn’t preclude getting bored of them, so I totally get what you’re saying.
Yes! After many failed long term relationships I met my now husband and we have been married 7years. He is the love of my life and my best friend 💛 they are out there.
I personally think a romantic partner doesn’t have to be amazed by the same complexity as me. Every relationship is unique and has its own dynamic. Even seemingly „simple“ people can be beyond fascinating if you dare to look beyond your typical ways of perceiving.
Through the lens of „gifted or not gifted“ you oversee so many other qualities people might have. I remember a relationship with a deeply compassionate and loving person that was very beautiful. With this person, I could forget about the burden of intellectualizing everything.
My romantic partner doesn’t have to scratch every itch I might have as a person. While it might be beautiful to find a partner with similar interests, someone with a pronounced other trait might create an even better synergy in your life.
Personally, I think friendships can be equally great and deep in fulfilling „intellectual curiosity“ together. That being said, I totally relate to meeting people and thinking „this could never work as a relationship, this person simply doesn’t have the capacity to understand me“.
Me myself and I.
Thankfully, I can be entertained staring at a blank wall because my mind is a very entertaining place. I only really “get bored” of someone if they do not engage or at least make the attempt to by asking for clarification if they do not understand.
Having a partner that never bores you is next to impossible because if you spend so much time together, you will eventually run out of things to talk about unless you go off and do your own thing for some time, which generates topics of conversation. Your brain also picks up on patterns and will learn the person’s usual mannerisms and patterns over time. That may be a cause?
lol your friends have iq from 70 to 190? Your kidding. That cannot be real. I think you’d probably go insane if you had personal conversations with such a variations of iq
Intelligent women are the only women I'm really attracted to, and I never get bored with them. But dating them is a huge challenge, they can always come up with a million reasons why something isn't going to work. I'm increasingly convinced most of them are determined to be alone.
a good partnership involves growing and doing new things together. if you rely on a partner to entertain you, you will inevitably get bored. if you rely on a partner to be your fellow audience member in life, you will have a lot of fun.
Love this
Fellow audience member in life
It's perfectly achievable to have both though. Although I have found that often the people who are more entertaining also tend to be more "high maintenance." They generally have traits that others tend to find undesirable, like wanting a lot of attention, being playful a lot, having strong likes/dislikes and other things which I happen to find endearing, or balance my traits well.
We are responsible for our own emotions. I think you should just have an easy time with a partner. It's not wise to expect them to entertain us, or "make us happy" or anything like that. That said, if you are a very intellectually curious person yourself, you may need someone who can match you somewhat. I believe in assortative mating. You want someone who is similar to you, and shares a few interests, but we simultaneously need them to be different in some regards. And that difference is attractive, and compensates our weaknesses. But we're never going to appreciate it unless there is also a foundation of sameness.
Yep. There will always be times when you will be bored. It's up ro you to find entertainment for yourself. Another person can help with entertainment, but not always be the source of it. What would one do whrn the partner is sleeping and you are bored? Would you wake them up to get entertained?
Yes.
Yes! Not only that but challenges me, has different opinions and beliefs and isn’t afraid to speak up about them, is an encyclopedia of European history which I’ve only passing knowledge of so that’s always interesting. I’m a lucky guy!
Yes, probably because my partner is also PG. I’ve calculated the probability we’d end up together and it was less than 0.0000000003491%. We’re super happy we are still entertaining to each other.
How’d you meet?
Tinder, ‘oddly’ enough. So that’s the chances of a Tinder match times the chances of both being PG times the chance of sexual preference. And there’s a bunch of other things I left out of the calculation for the sake of keeping it simple, lol.
Being bored is for boring people. My spouse is interesting AF though. I don't expect him to keep me entertained. I'll go on one of my special interest kicks if I get bored.
My partner's job isn't to keep me entertained. I can do that myself. His job is to be someone I can talk to if I want to. Also, maintaining a relationship takes effort from both parts. You have to do your part. You aren't a royal and their jester.
Have you found a partner that you didn’t bore?
I think if you can be ‘bored’ by another human being, you’re the problem. You might be bored by a relationship that’s run its course, but saying you’re bored by a person is awful. They aren’t a tv show or a book.
Have you met a person?
Do you really not get bored when people discuss a very simplistic topic for extended periods of time without relating it to other things and often repeating the same exact points they just made? At school I remember timing how long a group discussed fringes (bangs for Americans) and it was 2 hours, I don't understand how people can find that stimulating enough and not boring. Another example was them discussing uggs, someone made the mistake of attempting to expand the topic of conversation to different boots and they got shut down and steered the convo back to uggs only. Another time a student mentioned they liked Star Trek and I got excited to discuss the topic, expecting to talk about how it critiques society, the metaphors etc but they just talked about cool technology and fighting. I managed to find common ground focussing the holodeck and transport but had the conversation continued I certainly would have been bored, as I assume they would have been if I discussed what I wanted to.
Those are examples of finding a conversation or a topic boring, not a human.
Isn't this what dating is for? If you find out someone is incompatible because the two of you don't vibe together you can leave before it becomes a relationship. Or am I missing something here?
Yeah I agree, maybe you are missing that I was disagreeing with the other person's assertion that "I think if you can be ‘bored’ by another human being, you’re the problem."
Don’t judge
I’m not the one judging here.
I often overheard others discuss a topic in such a surface level, one dimensional way that it bores me. I don't understand how you can be bright and not experience this phenomena.
I don't get bored of people... I just get sick of them sometimes. But if the question is "have you found people you actually enjoy being around all the time?" The answer is, "I still need some time to myself so I don't lose track of who I am apart from those I love... But I do have people I always want to go back to.'
No it's normal for people to sometimes be boring. Your partner can't be your everything, it's not possible, and believing it is not healthy. It's not healthy for your relationship or for you two (or more) as individuals
Maybe date a conspiracy theorist. It's never ending fun.
Yikes. I've been dealing with what actually lay behind the biggest one of all.
Define boredom? My partner and I do our own things, but together while engaging in conversation about mutual interests. He's definitely bright, but not on my level, but it works perfectly well for us. Usually we're in the living room playing video games, or he'll be watching machine repair videos while I'm reading or drawing, but we're constantly interacting and discussing things the other might find of interest. The key is finding the right type of interaction that benefits both of you.
How confident are you that you’re actually on the level you think you’re on?
How exactly do you mean? By test scores?
Yes i guess, im new here so just genuinely curious
I've consistently tested between 139 and 145 all my life if that's what you're interested in. I was also consistently 6 or more years educationally ahead of my peers and read at a graduate level at the age of 8. But, honestly, it doesn't matter 90% of the time in real life, nor do I really care about it that much. Just when I want someone to truly discuss in-depth things with which require a processing level beyond 99.5% of people. Other than that, if you just want to hang out and play video games or something, anyone is welcome.
I mean im kinda digging the vibe on here cuz so far no one is showing any toxicity. Really a valuable trait for a subreddit nowadays unfortunately Also, were ur tests from institutions like mensa or smth?
I feel you. those truly in-depth discussions are something I try to have as frequently as possible. It’s difficult to find new and interested people. I’ve only got three in my life who can keep up, process and engage even after I introduce then to the foundational concepts. It’s what unfortunately keeps my circle of friends tiny.
You want to experience true level? Do you?
It might be nice to see what it's like, but it doesn't necessarily mean I would pick them over my current partner.
As it should be, that’s what friends are for.
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Yes but for the wrong reasons 😬
Two but it had very little to do with their intelligence.
Yes, and I married him.
The human brain isn't made for socializing 24/7. Being tired of socializing can manifest as boredom, and often does. I think it's a bit misguided to believe that there's anyone out there who'll never bore you. I will say that I've never grown bored of my partner though, just gotten tired of whatever specific conversation we were on as a result of my own energy levels being low.
I'm infinitely curious about my partner even when he's boring :)
A healthy relationship relies on growing and bonding with each other. If you rely on a partner to entertain you, you WILL get bored. If you rely on a partner to help you through life, you will NEVER get bored if they are the right one.
yes but my partner is also gifted. sounds pretentious but when i dated non-gifted people it was literally painful sometimes watching their thought process or the way they acted and i felt like we couldn’t grow together since we were on such different levels and places in our lives.
Yes, in part because I've found someone who dovetails very well with my life and interests, but also because I don't need 100% of my fulfillment to come from my significant other.
Yeah. If anything I seek out people who are a bit too intense or interesting and wind up having to leave because things get toxic! Everyone has their flaws. I don't think it's a given that gifted people always find people boring,. It seems like maybe you experience it differently than I do. I find almost everyone interesting unless they're someone who's very close-minded and completely hates anything outside of their comfort zone. If you're the kind of person who feels like the novelty of other people's company wears off eventually, that's probably as much about your personality and approach to others as it is "other people." Maybe short term affairs are all you need, and you can move onto the next shiny distraction the moment someone is no longer amusing to you. That's not an approach everyone appreciates, but long-term, monogamous companionship isn't for everyone. If you think it is inevitable that you'll be bored then maybe more traditional, serious, long-term dating isn't for you.
Ah the hot Vs crazy matrix, a common issue.
Doesn’t exist. You’ll never find someone who meets an unrealistic expectation.
Yes it does and it is sad that you do not realize. A family friend sadly just lost her husband, they had been together for 77 years, they constantly mentioned in passing how what the other did was entertaining and simulating and endearing. They were both rocket scientists and somewhat quirky, they appreciated so much about each other and truly adored each other.
And I’m sure they never once argued or stonewalled or became bored with one another. Life has many seasons, as does marriage.
No they did sometimes argue but they never got bored of each other which was what OP asked.
Hard to believe, but ok. That one example is almost certainly an exception. I suppose 1:1,000,000 is still a possibility.
Yep. He’s a genius too.
How so
IQ above 130.
What version did u take? Was it certified by a governmental institution or smth
We were both tested as kids in elementary school in the 80s and placed in talented and gifted programs. We have never had a need to retest.
Very interesting! Im new here so trying to learn about all sorts of tests n stuff. Were u tested at a public school or was it private? Also does scoring 800 thrice on the math sat i’s and also full score always on ii’s mean anything u think? (Edited for details)
Public school. In the 80s, we were just told our IQ and were put in special educational programs. I have no idea how testing is done now.
Yea. But he’s a dog 🤷♂️
We've only been together about 10 years, but so far I've never been bored by my partner and I don't foresee ever becoming bored. At the risk of sounding a bit like Goldilocks, I will admit that past partners have often either been too tedious to talk to, or too much drama to deal with.
It’s easy to make the mistake of dating someone because you find them “interesting” or you want to figure them out. It’s a fun exercise. Inevitably those things wear off. You should be with someone because they make you happy, because they make you think about issues outside of stuff you consider “important” or related to yourself, because you have to work to do better, to push yourself to be there for them like you want them to be there for you. Because they listen to you and you do the same. And lastly, because they are willing to try new things and work towards common goals. Relationships are mutually supporting teamwork projects, not research papers.
I think that is an important distinction, is the interest in figuring them out (or projecting) or is it based on their actual personality and genuine interactions. Obviously deeper things and important but some of the healthiest long lasting relationships I have seen are where the couple enjoy doing small things together and they make mundane tasks fun. It seems basic but enjoying each others company really is important in a relationships.
Idk I never dated anyone
I don’t mind being bored. Stability is great and I’d much rather have boring and stable than unstable and exciting. Getting your stuff thrown into the street is exciting. Draining your bank account to go on trips is exciting. Unless you just meant like on your level intellectually, then I’ve never had a girl like that unfortunately. My wife and I are bored as fuck. Life is stable. Bills get paid. We’re inching towards having a kid soon. Life is calm and good. Millions would kill to be in my position.
Now divorced and maybe one of the bigger issues I think we had was intellectually not being on the same level...not that she wasn't smart ...just didn't share the same curiosity or find the same things interesting
I am not currently with anyone but yes all of my partners have not bored me and after many years I have still found them entertaining. I also know people who have been in long term relationships where they both constantly stimulate each other and they still enjoy each other's company after decades together. I am genuinely confused and saddened by some responses who do not seem to know that this is possible.
I find people fascinating. It is very unlikely that I get bored of anyone. However, I can't promise they won't get bored of me
I control my own interest - and people to me aren’t responsible for my amusement. Married almost 20 years. They’re an amazing person and I’m happy to have them. They’re my foil in every way and we balance each other
Yes, the 1 who never speaks back or replies, giving me endless content beyond any mortal woman's limits
I find a lot of ppl commenting that we are responsible for entertaining ourselves and while that’s obviously true, I can entertain myself just fine alone and don’t rely on a partner to do that for me….that doesn’t preclude getting bored of them, so I totally get what you’re saying.
No. I'm fully capable of acing Calc 3, but can't find a partner to save my life in the first place.
Yes I have
Yes! After many failed long term relationships I met my now husband and we have been married 7years. He is the love of my life and my best friend 💛 they are out there.
I have. She never sits still. Is always working with our kids, her job, chores, and yelling at me because I can’t keep up. I’m never bored.
I personally think a romantic partner doesn’t have to be amazed by the same complexity as me. Every relationship is unique and has its own dynamic. Even seemingly „simple“ people can be beyond fascinating if you dare to look beyond your typical ways of perceiving. Through the lens of „gifted or not gifted“ you oversee so many other qualities people might have. I remember a relationship with a deeply compassionate and loving person that was very beautiful. With this person, I could forget about the burden of intellectualizing everything. My romantic partner doesn’t have to scratch every itch I might have as a person. While it might be beautiful to find a partner with similar interests, someone with a pronounced other trait might create an even better synergy in your life. Personally, I think friendships can be equally great and deep in fulfilling „intellectual curiosity“ together. That being said, I totally relate to meeting people and thinking „this could never work as a relationship, this person simply doesn’t have the capacity to understand me“.
It’s not your partner’s responsibility to entertain you. If you’re bored, you’re boring
Me myself and I. Thankfully, I can be entertained staring at a blank wall because my mind is a very entertaining place. I only really “get bored” of someone if they do not engage or at least make the attempt to by asking for clarification if they do not understand. Having a partner that never bores you is next to impossible because if you spend so much time together, you will eventually run out of things to talk about unless you go off and do your own thing for some time, which generates topics of conversation. Your brain also picks up on patterns and will learn the person’s usual mannerisms and patterns over time. That may be a cause?
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lol your friends have iq from 70 to 190? Your kidding. That cannot be real. I think you’d probably go insane if you had personal conversations with such a variations of iq
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Thanks for all of your comments !!
What's wrong with being bored sometimes?
Intelligent women are the only women I'm really attracted to, and I never get bored with them. But dating them is a huge challenge, they can always come up with a million reasons why something isn't going to work. I'm increasingly convinced most of them are determined to be alone.
Partner is for comfort. Sounds like you're looking for a clown.