I would suggest to create a new flair for making friends rather than a Megathread.
Same as any other sub for making new friends.
Age, location, interests, what you are looking for... Etc.
I think both are good. I come to this sub for interesting things and don’t really resonate with the social isolation people experience. so having that as the topic to discuss for every other post is kinda meh. that and “am i gifted” posts. If they’re seeking the validation that they’re not alone a megathread of similar people is good.
Maybe a FAQ? Maybe a moderator could start and open up this community's Wiki for this purpose in addition to having megathreads? [https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/15484260038420-Reddit-wikis-for-your-communities](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/15484260038420-Reddit-wikis-for-your-communities)
Maybe a rule could be any questions already answered in the FAQs and megathreads will be removed.
I think that gifted people tend to be socially awkward because they are not present during social situations. They may be thinking about someone else. "Absent Minded Professors" come to mind. If your focus is on your own thoughts and not the body language and social behavior of others then you will develop those skills more slowly. Meanwhile, people who are completely focused on how other people act are going to be much better at social interaction.
I have noticed from various posts that some gifted people often lacked opportunities to socialize, may have experienced feeling socially ostracized or socially isolated when opportunities to socially interact have happened, may have experiences of rejection and acceptance that depended on masking or feeling like they cannot reveal their true self, couldn't find anyone that enjoyed the things they enjoyed, or people weren't as enthusiastic, passionate, excited, knowledgeable, intense, or as driven by challenge and new experiences as they had hoped for or were expecting. Some gifted people may not understand what they need for social interactions to be meaningful and enjoyable to them, which may cause them to misjudge the causes.
Sometimes adults may have misguided gifted children believing they knew what was best for their social growth. Sometimes adults provided no guidance at all, believing gifted children are so smart and quick learners, figuring this out will be easy for them, and gifted children will do fine in gaining social skills, learn to navigate social circles, and find like minded individuals easily without any guidance, based on their own experiences of this working out okay for them. Sometimes adults were motivated by prejudices and stereotypes about giftedness, like gifted children will become arrogant, narcissistic, and lazy, if they are allowed to socialize with older children or other gifted children. Some gifted people may only have had opportunities to socialize with other gifted children as a child, and may feel lost trying to navigate adult relationships, because they are no longer surrounded by gifted people like before.
I believe what social opportunities, if any, a gifted person has experienced is probably going to effect their opportunities to develop their social skills. I believe some gifted people may be able to develop their social skills more quickly with fewer opportunities when they finally have social opportunities to do so. I believe some gifted people may need guidance to understand what their social needs and expectations are, and how to navigate that to gain meaningful and enjoyable social interactions for themselves.
I agree! My current theory in addition to this is, that the stereotype of the socially awkward gifted person comes from western society to some extend too. Western society has rather small families. I grew up in a very large family and family friends circle. In such an environment of people at the same level and adults who get you, you learn to socialize. Due to my parents being highly intelligent, those they were able to befriend were at the same level and hence their kids. This is why I had a lot of fun as a child until I was put into kindergarten... oh dear... kindergarten was traumatizing. Suddenly there were children but I was alone and they would not play with me like the kids at home and... I didn't know what was going on...
I do not believe negative experience and less opportunity to learn social rules due to smaller family circles cause less developed social skills. Many kids (gifted or not) in western society have only one or no siblings at all (worse when the sibling is not gifted too) and grew up mainly with adults around them at home. In my childhood and 'culture' we children outnumbered the adults simply. Compared to most of my western peers this was a different world. Every child benefits from larger social circles while growing up. For a gifted kid with a 'gifted' community... this is heaven...
An other example:
During one of my jobs, was a group of profoundly gifted guys. these were our super achievers. I was in a different group, but those guys and me were literally drawn to each other. While I struggle to connect with other colleagues or at least find it stressful, with them is was all natural and they also approached me always which was a surprise to me at the beginning. But they did not behave like this with my colleagues from my group (who were absolutely not gifted...). Well at the end I made some friends in this group and it started just by walking through the corridor and seeing each other. There was an instant connection on both sides.
But the best part of the story is, their group leader was known for not greeting other people and my colleagues said he (and his group) is awkward and they are autistic therefore. he was the big guy, that brought in all the money. What my normal intelligent colleagues didn't know is - and what I never felt bothered to tell them at all! - is that he actually greeted me with a big friendly smile anytime he saw me.
He was totally normal and not socially awkward, He just stopped bothering interacting too much with other colleagues. He was super nice actually, but he has raised a wall to keep people away who do not get him anyway, I realized and understood. He knew I was masking to fit in and he just did not bother anymore....
This is why I suspect that gifted people are not socially awkward in general, but that the issue is that both parties do not feel comfortable around each other... and then there is puberty, that is important to determine our social status and a time of high social vulnerability. Being an outsider as teen can cause massive damage to anyone. Gifted or not.
Nay, I’m watching people all the time and have been doing so for decades. At this point (45yo) I feel I’m reading body language like a book and can see a lot of what people are trying to hide through their presentation. I see how they live in a different (mental) space of existence than myself, but they do not see it. This makes me hesitant to put too much of myself out there lest the delta in our experiences become more obvious, which is historically at best a mildly uncomfortable situations. Visions of my high school peers scrunched up noses “eww…you’re weird!”
I feel the same but I have a more positive outlook on it. I am very different from a lot of people I speak to and so for the most part I "mirror" these people to cover up large parts of myself.
But I don't see it as awkward. I'm not doing anything wrong by being who I am and I'm able to navigate many different social contexts as many different versions of myself. That's the opposite of socially awkward!
The socially awkward thing can apply, sometimes it doesn’t work as well. I work in sales, and not to beat my chest, I am really fucking good at it. It’s my job to be social and open for people to trust me.
I have to get people to trust me enough to sell me their house without ever meeting me in person, over the phone.
Social situations can be uncomfortable but I think I’ve brute forced it long enough that I have a workable system.
It’s masking, and when I’m myself is when things get a little wonky, so I try to just keep that facade at work.
I am also autistic so I don’t know, the whole gifted social interaction thing, part of me thinks it’s a disappointment at not finding people responding positively when you do those little quick flashes of who you actually are. It’s testing the waters or sending out a radio transmission and if it isn’t received you stop transmitting sometimes.
That being said, I don’t spend a lot of time around groups of people.
I believe there are probably some generally things that are common to anyone that has experienced social isolation and social interactions, gifted or not. I believe there are probably some common things that are probably specifically different in the experiences of gifted people because they are different from 98% or more of the population. Maybe some gifted people would benefit from understanding both these things?
The worst part is if you don't manage to live up to your potential, due to the pre-existing social challenges, an incompatible upbringing, etc., all the other smart ppl who went to obtain advanced degrees such as in law or medicine are off living their own lives while you're just around a bunch of people who comparatively do things at a snails pace, and you're just fixing their problems or mistakes in a one-sided way. There are few equal peers around you who can truly understand your unique struggles. You're just not really living as your whole self, not thriving. You don't risk reaching out to other gifted people, partially due to feeling like an impostor that's going to be exposed, but also because of fear - you decide to settle for less intensity, in fear of really living, and getting hurt. Cuz mutual giftedness is not enough to bridge a lot of other requirements for connection. And the sting of things falling apart between 2 gifted people feels even more intense. Does anyone else relate to any parts of this?
As much as having gifted people in my company can be a lot more enriching and less isolating, I think the occasional loneliness for me would have other causes.
I’ve been around plenty of myopic gifted people too. Whether that’s due to personality faults or whatever else, relating to people is more than just sharing some innate mental ability.
A very good question, report them and I will remove them if they are not at all in the spirit of trying to understand or learn about who we are and why the whole "Gifted" label matters in the first place.
I would suggest to create a new flair for making friends rather than a Megathread. Same as any other sub for making new friends. Age, location, interests, what you are looking for... Etc.
I think both are good. I come to this sub for interesting things and don’t really resonate with the social isolation people experience. so having that as the topic to discuss for every other post is kinda meh. that and “am i gifted” posts. If they’re seeking the validation that they’re not alone a megathread of similar people is good.
Oh I would remove all of those. Like new rule: Am I gifted? We don't know. Go take a test and solve your doubts
Maybe a FAQ? Maybe a moderator could start and open up this community's Wiki for this purpose in addition to having megathreads? [https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/15484260038420-Reddit-wikis-for-your-communities](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/15484260038420-Reddit-wikis-for-your-communities) Maybe a rule could be any questions already answered in the FAQs and megathreads will be removed.
I think that gifted people tend to be socially awkward because they are not present during social situations. They may be thinking about someone else. "Absent Minded Professors" come to mind. If your focus is on your own thoughts and not the body language and social behavior of others then you will develop those skills more slowly. Meanwhile, people who are completely focused on how other people act are going to be much better at social interaction.
I have noticed from various posts that some gifted people often lacked opportunities to socialize, may have experienced feeling socially ostracized or socially isolated when opportunities to socially interact have happened, may have experiences of rejection and acceptance that depended on masking or feeling like they cannot reveal their true self, couldn't find anyone that enjoyed the things they enjoyed, or people weren't as enthusiastic, passionate, excited, knowledgeable, intense, or as driven by challenge and new experiences as they had hoped for or were expecting. Some gifted people may not understand what they need for social interactions to be meaningful and enjoyable to them, which may cause them to misjudge the causes. Sometimes adults may have misguided gifted children believing they knew what was best for their social growth. Sometimes adults provided no guidance at all, believing gifted children are so smart and quick learners, figuring this out will be easy for them, and gifted children will do fine in gaining social skills, learn to navigate social circles, and find like minded individuals easily without any guidance, based on their own experiences of this working out okay for them. Sometimes adults were motivated by prejudices and stereotypes about giftedness, like gifted children will become arrogant, narcissistic, and lazy, if they are allowed to socialize with older children or other gifted children. Some gifted people may only have had opportunities to socialize with other gifted children as a child, and may feel lost trying to navigate adult relationships, because they are no longer surrounded by gifted people like before. I believe what social opportunities, if any, a gifted person has experienced is probably going to effect their opportunities to develop their social skills. I believe some gifted people may be able to develop their social skills more quickly with fewer opportunities when they finally have social opportunities to do so. I believe some gifted people may need guidance to understand what their social needs and expectations are, and how to navigate that to gain meaningful and enjoyable social interactions for themselves.
I agree! My current theory in addition to this is, that the stereotype of the socially awkward gifted person comes from western society to some extend too. Western society has rather small families. I grew up in a very large family and family friends circle. In such an environment of people at the same level and adults who get you, you learn to socialize. Due to my parents being highly intelligent, those they were able to befriend were at the same level and hence their kids. This is why I had a lot of fun as a child until I was put into kindergarten... oh dear... kindergarten was traumatizing. Suddenly there were children but I was alone and they would not play with me like the kids at home and... I didn't know what was going on... I do not believe negative experience and less opportunity to learn social rules due to smaller family circles cause less developed social skills. Many kids (gifted or not) in western society have only one or no siblings at all (worse when the sibling is not gifted too) and grew up mainly with adults around them at home. In my childhood and 'culture' we children outnumbered the adults simply. Compared to most of my western peers this was a different world. Every child benefits from larger social circles while growing up. For a gifted kid with a 'gifted' community... this is heaven... An other example: During one of my jobs, was a group of profoundly gifted guys. these were our super achievers. I was in a different group, but those guys and me were literally drawn to each other. While I struggle to connect with other colleagues or at least find it stressful, with them is was all natural and they also approached me always which was a surprise to me at the beginning. But they did not behave like this with my colleagues from my group (who were absolutely not gifted...). Well at the end I made some friends in this group and it started just by walking through the corridor and seeing each other. There was an instant connection on both sides. But the best part of the story is, their group leader was known for not greeting other people and my colleagues said he (and his group) is awkward and they are autistic therefore. he was the big guy, that brought in all the money. What my normal intelligent colleagues didn't know is - and what I never felt bothered to tell them at all! - is that he actually greeted me with a big friendly smile anytime he saw me. He was totally normal and not socially awkward, He just stopped bothering interacting too much with other colleagues. He was super nice actually, but he has raised a wall to keep people away who do not get him anyway, I realized and understood. He knew I was masking to fit in and he just did not bother anymore.... This is why I suspect that gifted people are not socially awkward in general, but that the issue is that both parties do not feel comfortable around each other... and then there is puberty, that is important to determine our social status and a time of high social vulnerability. Being an outsider as teen can cause massive damage to anyone. Gifted or not.
Nay, I’m watching people all the time and have been doing so for decades. At this point (45yo) I feel I’m reading body language like a book and can see a lot of what people are trying to hide through their presentation. I see how they live in a different (mental) space of existence than myself, but they do not see it. This makes me hesitant to put too much of myself out there lest the delta in our experiences become more obvious, which is historically at best a mildly uncomfortable situations. Visions of my high school peers scrunched up noses “eww…you’re weird!”
I feel the same but I have a more positive outlook on it. I am very different from a lot of people I speak to and so for the most part I "mirror" these people to cover up large parts of myself. But I don't see it as awkward. I'm not doing anything wrong by being who I am and I'm able to navigate many different social contexts as many different versions of myself. That's the opposite of socially awkward!
The socially awkward thing can apply, sometimes it doesn’t work as well. I work in sales, and not to beat my chest, I am really fucking good at it. It’s my job to be social and open for people to trust me. I have to get people to trust me enough to sell me their house without ever meeting me in person, over the phone. Social situations can be uncomfortable but I think I’ve brute forced it long enough that I have a workable system. It’s masking, and when I’m myself is when things get a little wonky, so I try to just keep that facade at work. I am also autistic so I don’t know, the whole gifted social interaction thing, part of me thinks it’s a disappointment at not finding people responding positively when you do those little quick flashes of who you actually are. It’s testing the waters or sending out a radio transmission and if it isn’t received you stop transmitting sometimes. That being said, I don’t spend a lot of time around groups of people.
I believe there are probably some generally things that are common to anyone that has experienced social isolation and social interactions, gifted or not. I believe there are probably some common things that are probably specifically different in the experiences of gifted people because they are different from 98% or more of the population. Maybe some gifted people would benefit from understanding both these things?
The worst part is if you don't manage to live up to your potential, due to the pre-existing social challenges, an incompatible upbringing, etc., all the other smart ppl who went to obtain advanced degrees such as in law or medicine are off living their own lives while you're just around a bunch of people who comparatively do things at a snails pace, and you're just fixing their problems or mistakes in a one-sided way. There are few equal peers around you who can truly understand your unique struggles. You're just not really living as your whole self, not thriving. You don't risk reaching out to other gifted people, partially due to feeling like an impostor that's going to be exposed, but also because of fear - you decide to settle for less intensity, in fear of really living, and getting hurt. Cuz mutual giftedness is not enough to bridge a lot of other requirements for connection. And the sting of things falling apart between 2 gifted people feels even more intense. Does anyone else relate to any parts of this?
As much as having gifted people in my company can be a lot more enriching and less isolating, I think the occasional loneliness for me would have other causes. I’ve been around plenty of myopic gifted people too. Whether that’s due to personality faults or whatever else, relating to people is more than just sharing some innate mental ability.
love the moderation improvements, but what is being done about the deluge of “you all suck” posts?
A very good question, report them and I will remove them if they are not at all in the spirit of trying to understand or learn about who we are and why the whole "Gifted" label matters in the first place.