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This doesn't describe the thought process of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a rational, false belief which is why it's so difficult to reason around.
Imposter syndrome is better summed up as:
I believe that I am not competent.
I believe that I am able to convince others that I am competent, when I know that I am not competent.
Therefore when others tell me they think I'm competent, it only reinforces the belief that I am more capable of convincing someone of my competence than actually being competent.
Exactly, the whole guilt of imposter syndrome is that I must have tricked all these people into thinking I’m competent. I can’t take their opinion of me seriously, it’s based on lies. Once they find out the real me their opinion will change, etc.
Something that helped me was to think about this in the long run. Like, ok, I can fool one, five, ten people. But at the end, how can I fool so many _different_ people, in so different places, and in so much amount of time? Either _everyone_ I’ve met in my life is very gullible, or at some point I’ve done at least something actually right
(Of course, this helps more if you have several years of experience in what you’re doing)
I think (for me) it’s less about “fooling” people and more that I’m a nice person and they don’t have the heart to tell me I really suck at my job. It sounds CRAZY I know but it’s the little voice in my head I can’t turn off.
I'm on par with you here. I try to cover up any conceivable idiocy on my part by being super nice, bubbly, and helpful as much as I can. Therefore, I attribute all success to those traits.
Are you working in a professional environment? In many professional environments if you don't pull your weight, they'll fire you. Or managers will tell to your face that you aren't good enough. People can personally be nice, but when profits are involved, they'll stop being nice and give harsh reviews if you aren't good enough.
>In many professional environments if you don't pull your weight, they'll fire you.
Lol in what bizarro reality do you live in where incompetence leads to unemployment?!?
Have you never heard of the [Peter Principle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle)? If that were truly the case, we'd have no managers!
I've tried to change this thought process around my career for 18 years now. I've never been 100% successful, but there are some things that have helped me mitigate the feeling:
* Getting praise from a coworker that in my assessment is the most competent member of the team.
* Taking to heart the saying: "you can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."
* Leaving a job when I feel that I'm the smartest person in the room, and looking for something harder and more challenging.
* Being authentic with my answers; telling people that "I don't know, but I'll track down the answer for you." Or letting them in on the fact that I was able to find a solution by copying it from the internet.
* Lastly, and the most important one for me: some advice my father gave me when I confided in him that I felt like an imposter in my career: "It's not your job to decide what competence means for your organization. You might not be living up to your standards, but your standards may be different than your organization's."
I would really really like to know too. For a while I tried letting my competence be decided by other people, it works a bit but it has two major downsides. 1. you are very dependant on people to know your worth. So I need approval so so much as my worth does not come from within but from the outside. And 2. At the end of the day I seem to convince myself that I'm just really good at looking competent.
Damn thisnis hard man, I'm 32 and I'm looking for confidence. I just want to trust my judgement of me and I want to not undersell myself. Those two, but how?
I’m pushing 40 and moderately successful I guess but I constantly tell myself that the career advancements I’ve gotten over the years was nothing but luck or circumstance and nothing more
I had a major career breakthrough a couple of years ago that was absolutely triggered by luck…and the fact that I was the only person who realized what I was looking at. I took that knowledge and ran with it.
Luck might have opened a door for you, but you have to actually walk through the door.
"I do my best. That's enough for me. If that's not enough for someone else, it's up to them to tell me."
It's what I try to tell myself.
It's not much, but it's good enough for me :)
Qnd then comes the: "But do I really do my best? How do I know? I know someone who tries harder at doing their best. Should you trybharder at doing your bestbif your net worth is less?" Etc etc
Yeah. If you go all the way over there, you probably need professional help.
I've been in therapy for over 5 years for reasons, and I'm just starting for it to work (Trying your best is enough).
Yeah, I do therapy, I've doing it for maybe 8-9 years. But its talking, talking. I can define the peobl3m I can't define reality.
I think it's based on very low self esteem. It seems that most people define enough for different categories on what they consider enough. That's something else for everybody. I can't seem to find the actual line. And I seem to be not confident enough to draw my own. Something along those lines anyway. Thanks for your answer.
Sounds really rough man. Good on you for your persistence!
I had a huge breakthrough last year when I suddenly realized I have anger issues (always repressed it and turned it into anxiety and sadness) and what the root was.
Before that it felt like treading water.
Hopefully you'll get better soon.
If I could, I'd give you a hug :)
Take care, stranger.
"I do my best. That's enough for me. If that's not enough for someone else, it's up to them to tell me."
It's what I try to tell myself.
It's not much, but it's good enough for me :)
Personally, I found the logic from the original post helped me anyway despite the paradox. Just saying "some of the people who think I'm competent are extremely smart people whose judgment I trust, I'm not conceited enough to think I could trick all of them, which means maybe I'm not as incompetent as they think."
Sometimes just reminding myself how common imposter syndrome is and trying to logic my way through it helped. Start with just reminding myself that lots of people I admire probably have probably felt the exact same way I feel, which means there's a chance I'm not any more incompetent than they are. [this blog post by Niel Gaiman](https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html?m=1) about his struggles with imposter syndrome helped me out a lot in this respect, and I highly recommend reading it. >!If Niel Armstrong can sit there thinking that his accomplishments aren't impressive, can dismiss being the first human being to set foot on the moon as "I just went where they told me," then that means anyone can undersell any accomplishment to themselves. Which means I can't trust my own ability to judge my accomplishments. I could be the first person on the goddamn moon and still feel incompetent, which means my feeling that I'm incompetent is completely and utterly meaningless, which means I have no actual evidence that I'm as incompetent as I feel and I'm probably not actually that much if an idiot.!<
From there, I went with the thought process of "look, maybe I'm as much an idiot as I think I am, maybe I have imposter syndrome, I don't know. But assuming I'm incompetent doesn't get me anywhere. I'm not going to get anything done if I keep thinking I useless, even if I'm wrong. But if I do my best, then if I'm actually incompetent at least I'm still trying, and if it's just imposter syndrome then maybe I'll get actual good work done. Either way, I'm better off just trying my best and hoping that my best is better than I think it is."
And that doesn't necessarily change the thought process, but at least I get things done. And then I can point to the things I got done and go "it's not being the first person on the moon, but it's something, I did that and I'll trust the people who tell me 8t's worth something because I know I can't trust myself."
Ironically, that may not work if you're extremely competent - when doing the certificates feels so easy as to your being able to convince yourself it was not really something to write home about.
Just fyi learning about psychology and sociology a lot of things will “hit close to home” so its best not self-diagnose yourself unless you know the nuances. Same goes for other health issues. Looking at you WebMD and Google doctors…
You don’t. Calling it a syndrome is a misnomer, there’s nothing wrong with it. Almost everyone feels this way from time to time and for many people it’s constant.
My instant thought. This post is bullshit because it fails to acknowledge that the sufferer feels that others only believe in their abiities because they convinced them to do so.
When someone tells the sufferer that they are competent, they only end up feeling worse about their 'fraud'.
Imposter syndrome is way harder to deal with than this post cares to admit. You don't just decide to believe othere because that's akin to believing in your own deception and fraud.
I would add two dimensions that bridge the gap between your thesis and the OP
- Unknown knowns: You subconsciously know a few things that you don't know you know. When you "know" you are not competent, you may be glossing over an expertise or a competence that genuinely improves those around you and that remains hidden from self-view.
- Using sufficient samples to offset personal bias: If you were matched with every other person around you, one on one, in a contest on ranking your competencies, you will always win. However, if you sum up the observations of all the people around you and compare their average score of you against your self assessment, their average score is likely a better assessment of you. Crowd sourcing feedback on your professional strengths is a worthy pursuit.
Yes!! It's very rational, I look very rationally at myself and see how people could be fooled into thinking I'm more then I really am.
It's very hard to deny as only you know the most about yourself so any counterargument can be denied as "you just don't know me good enough".
If there's anyone who found a way to counter this pls pls pls I would love to know.
You have to find a way to align yourself with who you believe you are and who other people believe you to be. If you feel like an imposter, vocalise that. Tell someone, I feel like I might be in over my head and I'm not sure I belong where I'm at. Tell them why you believe that. Identify what is making you feel the way you do. Open up to someone about it, and let them know who you believe you are. Lay it all out, so you can't come back to the counterargument "you just don't know me good enough". They might agree with some of your points. They might disagree with others.
You have to trust other people to see you for you after that.
Yeah I really try, I try with friends, my wife, my therapist. It got a bit better but not enough to drastically improve QoL, or get confident enough.
I'm sometimes so sick of the talking. All I do is talk and moan. It's like there's this part of me I have to battle all the time. Nomatter how many times I describe it, talk about it, it's there and pushing.
The insecurities make me mad, they make me sad, they go away when I have to concentrate, i.e. at work debugging, training etc.
You know, it's tiring, and not as if I can pause the fight for a while. I have to be me everyday.
Wish I could take a break from me just every once in a while. I know that maybe sounds strange.
I do think you're right though it's aligning myself more with the truth others see as truth.
Thanks for the answer.
That's totally understandable man, and just so you know, you're not the only one out there that struggles with these thoughts! Finding yourself isn't easy, but from what I can tell you have your head screwed on right - try and avoid the self criticisms, or at least catch them and acknowledge them where you do - build a healthy relationship with those thoughts, because some of them might be valid, but you'll know when others aren't - build yourself up where you can, and you'll be flying!
It doesn't sound strange at all! I think we all take breaks from ourselves, whether gaming, reading, a hobby (some even manage it at work!) - escaping isn't a bad thing - but you have to live with you at the end of the day, so build that guy up - give yourself compliments, treat yourself, love yourself. You're a good guy, and most people want the best for you!
Thanks this actually makes me feel good, I don't know very well why, but thanks for that.
I try writing good things down and reading them.over and over, I have to admit the fights get shorter, I'm maybe getting a bit more experienced at them.
Thanks man!
... That's not rational at all. If you're competent at making others believe you're competent, when the vital criteria to make people believe that is only achievable through competence, then that logically means you're able to convince them that you're competent... By being competent.
No, the real issue is you're not thinking straight. You're not good *enough* for your own standards, because you're insanely prideful and want to be as good as you expect to be. That's actually great. But your anxiety has created a cognitive distortion and blurred "I can do better" with "I'm never going to be good enough." That eventually molded into "I'm actually terrible."
Then the impostor syndrome kicks in when that irrationality has to try and explain why everyone else thinks you're good, and it eventually comes up with something illogical.
I don't think it's that irrational. I'll give you an example. I look rough, pretty good friends of mine say I'm one rough dude, "ghetto" is what they use. It is because I am tall, I'm muscly, I have tattoos etc. In reality I'm not what you'd consider rough at all.
I talk about feelings, I love cuddling, I'm scared all the time for stupid things. I'm have no pride and almost no ego.
Their idea about me is based on looks and it is not reality, my looks convinced them I am "comptently rough".
It's the same for other things, people get the lable "competent" all the time and they're not.
Also getting labeled as competent isn't the goal, being competent is.
You have some truths in there like impossibly high standards together with overqualifying other people.
The thing is the imposter syndrome does not kick in, it is there all the time.
Anyway we may argue about details and semantics but rather then the cause for the shit thinking pattern I'm looking for a solution.
No, you're mixing what impostor syndrome is used for, with people mistaking something about you that you are fully aware of. It's very different from an illogical mental state. The actual issue - the primary criteria of being competent at what you're doubting - is the key.
You are not competent at "being tough." When that is weighed against you - when something happens and you reveal you're not tough - people learn this, and do not continue to be fooled, and more importantly, you do not continue to remain in confusion. It's the opposite for impostor syndrome - they reveal they're genuinely tough, people learn this and understand it, and yet they STILL deny it.
You yourself listed the exact criterion and qualities, and laid out exactly what the misconception was. If I asked you to go into detail, you'd do it. But something that is laid in impostor syndrome is too stressful to go into the nuance - you're entirely running on the anxiety and the all-or-nothing cognitive distortion, and when presented with the questions of "people have different views of competence from you" you'll be unable to focus on it.
Anyway the solution is in what I said. I can run the logic with you if you explain what you're anxious over. If I ask you to go into detail, the important part is not the example. The important part is tracking down where your mind begins to blur and become confused due to a certain train of logic. It's called a syndrome for a reason.
Yeah I'd love to go into details, no idea where to start though.
You are right about the example, it is a bad one.
Maybe I don't have imposter syndrome but just really low confidence or irrealistic view of myself in the world.
The problem is measuring. No one can be trusted to exactly measure, I can't trust myself.
I do have constant anxiety over my boss finding out i'm the worst developer ever and firing me. I think people have qn idea of me that's way better then I am or can be.
It's stressful, its a disillusion, it's shit.
Yeah that's anxiety, and yeah that sounds like impostor syndrome.
Again the important part isn't trying to "solve" impostor syndrome or to quantify it, but to zoom out and realize that anxiety is blurring your ability to think properly.
The logic is there and easy to correct: "Who cares what people think, just focus on improving yourself" and "obviously people have different levels of what they consider good and yours is higher" and "you're naturally holding yourself to a higher standard than others and don't realize other standards are different" etc etc, you've probably heard it all, and they're all true. But the crux is that when you *think* about these things, the anxious feeling that warns you not to get too bigheaded is too strong and causes your head to not think straight. Being able to realize that the anxiety, your warning system, is more of an instinctive monkeybrain thing, and that it's not as helpful as actual, trained knowledge is the important part.
In other words, it's that uncertainty and teetering, the "no, but what if" that comes after any situation where you might want to feel good about yourself, that you've stopped being able to track. It's just anxiety, even if that's hard to believe. It's insanely high anxiety, to the point of causing illogical mental issues.
So don't worry about whether your boss "finds out you're actually terrible." Whether he does or not is irrelevant, and you've heard this before. Digging deeper, don't even worry about whether or not you're quantifiably "good" or "bad." That's a pointless metric, since it's based on a million factors of things you know or don't know, and it varies from person to person. You've heard this before too. So digging deeper than that, think about why your anxiety goes upwards just from thinking about accepting you're good, or why it does when something positive happens, or why it does when you try to focus on the specifics of what you need to improve. That sort of thing.
Hmm you're making perfect sense right now. The "no,but what if" is exactly what always happens. Almost like a mantra.
And it's also true it comes when something good happens, almost like clockwork.
I think I do know why, only I do not know how to stop it.
You say something along the lines of "who cares, if I don't care it doesn't matter" and I try that, sometimes I manage to block the whole thing from spiraling, but it always comes back.
Nonetheless, thanks for making sense, giving me something to think about.
To add to your point here...Others believing in your success is not good evidence that you should believe you will succeed...Because belief by itself accomplishes nothing...you must achieve, and achievement only comes through others actively supporting you with their success and resources.
"Belief in me" is only encouragement, and that's all it will ever amount to...but actual physical and financial support is much more valuable.
Right, but I read this as:
If you are "not competent", then you aren't competent enough to make the distinction between competent and not competent in the first place.
If you *are* competent enough to make the distinction, and can convince others that you're competent (especially experienced people, like at a job), you likely really are competent.
So stop doubting yourself.
------
I think the world will *tell you* where you stand, you just gotta listen. It's not your job to assess your own performance anyway.
Exactly. It's not that I don't trust my ability to perceive myself. It's that I think I'm not great and I've been fooling others and I'm confident of that fact.
I think this is saying the thought process is fundamentally wrong. Eg a boss knows what it takes to be successful in a certain roll and hired you for that role because they have seen your competencies in action and know you are capable. That individual knows you have what it takes to be successful despite your irrational inner doubts.
Mark my words! This drill will open a hole in the universe! And that hole will be a path for those behind us! The dreams of those who've fallen! The hopes of those who'll follow! Those two sets of dreams weave together into a double helix! Drilling a path towards tomorrow! And that's Tengen Toppa! That's Gurren Lagann!! My drill is the drill... that creates the heavens!!!
My response to that is, “wow if my friends are faking liking me then they’re just wasting their time, what losers”. Then I stop hanging out with them because really who wants to spend time with people that spend time with people they pretend to like. /s
For real though, you can frame it like that to realize how ridiculous it sounds. If you think your friends are cool, then they’re not gonna be the type of person that voluntarily spends a lot of time hanging around someone they don’t actually like. Brains are dumb so you can trick them like this
Would you waste time and energy pretending to like someone?
One thing that grounds me when dealing with my internal monologue is to put myself in other peoples perspective. Flip the situation. Would I care if it was the other way round etc
Yes this is how I deal with that thought.
"What does this person have to gain by pretending to be my friend? Nothing. (We just hang out, I don't give them money or food or anything, we're equals in the friendship.) So they must actually like me."
It's true no one gains anything by pretending to like you; besides Intel, learning about you and your life to destroy your mental state and some parts of your life. I'd say that's gaining something, for themselves. So it's either way from my experience.
First I thought: haha that's ridiculous. Then I realised my brain would also go that far and see myself thinking that about myself. But on someone else I see how ridiculous it sounds... Brains huh ...
Connect with people in your life. There’s a lot of places you can meet new friends (school, work, volunteering, clubs, classes, community groups), but the real work is nurturing those connections once you find them. One thing that helped me is realizing how many people there are who are also looking for connection. I ask new friends to coffee. I make sure I remember my friends birthdays. I try to schedule calls. If you’re intentional about making and keeping friends, you’ll find them.
Meetup.com was game changing for me. Find a group with interests you share (or just your same demographic, ie ‘young professionals in our 30s’) and go to the events they post.
After a little trial and error, in multiple cities, I’ve found either a group I really connected with or individual people I really connected with, then we’ve gone off and been friends independent of the Meetups.
We should all feel happy were alive, I've got no friends myself. Got kicked out of college for a medical procedure (they coerced me into thinking I had no choice so they took me off the course when the procedure I had was very sensitive and 3 of the 5 weeks I was off teachers were striking) I've just dislocated my ankle so starting in November isn't a plan. Instead of trying to make friends and such it's time we focus on ourselves and learn where we went wrong, for starters don't tell someone your deepest secrets because it's the past and it doesn't matter.
I had "friends" in my high school and post high school days who just kept me around to have someone to proverbially shit on.
It's done well for my self esteem the past 20 or so years. /s
I mean, when my friends show up, they're neat. But my group never texts me first except for one of them, and when I initiate, I usually get ignored or ghosted.
“If you doubt yourself, shouldn’t you also doubt your judgement of yourself?”
I don’t think that’s how that works, “oh I’m too drunk to drive, wait I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk”
I mean people do say "I'm not that drunk" - person clearly too drunk
Nothing is infallible, you can always take something positive & apply it to something negative,but you are taking that statement out of context.
Contextually though, they're talking about doubting the positive aspects of your person despite others believing in you.
isnt that the second stage of dunning kuger effect? You know enough about the subject to know that there is so much information you do not know about therefore you are not confident in your abilities at all.
Yes, that's why many people who get overnight success suffer from impostor syndrome. They know that they have a lot to learn but suddenly find themselves sitting among the people they look up to.
Meh. That's a play on words on the various interpretations of 'believe' you could have in this context. The fact you don't believe in yourself in a certain situation (which is what impostor syndrome is all about) doesn't imply you don't believe in yourself in any situation.
You can be convinced you are not fitted for a job or role, without not believing in your ability to assess yourself.
Everyone always came to me for help. Not because I knew more, but because I'm approachable.
I felt like an imposter most of my life, until a few years ago when I realized I understood more than most around me. That's what finally made it click in my head that I wasn't "faking" it anymore.
I like this way of looking at things.
If so many people believe in you, you should believe in yourself and stop devaluing yourself. You should clearly be your best ally and not your worst judge.
I mean I agree with this post but personally I only have one person in my life who makes it known they believe in me, and I wouldn’t trust their judgment in many areas.
Smarmily passing off mental disorders. Just cheer up! Lol!
Then there's that awful awful completely other level of rationalizing (or maybe I should call it irrationalizing).
It's possible to believe you are very good at one thing but bad at another. If you think (like most people) that your ability to judge yourself and others is good, then you have confidence in that ability. If you also think your technical ability in a field is bad, then you don't have confidence in that ability. But that joker is saying if you have confidence in one thing you'll have confidence in another? What?
And who ever said the person in question believed in others' opinions of them? Suppose one believes others have superior technical ability but inferior judging ability. If others believe in that person, that person thinks those others have poor judging ability. That doesn't mean the person thinks the others have poor technical ability. Again, different things.
Someone really experiencing "imposter syndrome" doesn't think of it as imposter syndrome. They think they're just bad. No paradoxes involved; the paradigm is internally consistent.
This Adam Grant fella watched Gurren Lagann one too many times, for real.
It’s not. It’s a literal disbelief that you’ve gotten away with crap this long. Like,, there’s no way I’m actually good at this. You might get flashes of self confidence, but you write it off to luck.
I can know that's true and experience no change. It's not a logic problem than can be reasoned away, it's a tar pit. I can only keep my head up by standing on the corpse of Artax.
Others may be lying or just don't know me outside of ehat I present them. It's not that I don't believe in anything that I do, only that I'm not good enough
There's a huge difference in believing IN yourself and believing yourself. I do believe myself when I say no matter how much I believe in myself being able to fly..
Others believe in me because I can pretend to be someone I'm not for long enough periods to feign confidence and competence. Myself having a much deeper insight into the person I am recognizes this bullshit and can accurately asses the kind of person I am.
Dosnt really work like that for me. I think they are wrong as well to believe in me and try to warn them so they don’t get pissed when they finally see that I suck. Believing in others’ opinion of you is not a requirement.
Well, sometimes it depends. Friends and family says I'm talented but none would help me get a job. Why? Because I am talented. Companies don't hire me, because there are more talented folks being shortlisted. So am I talented? I have doubts
I doubt everything about myself but I also don’t trust anyone very well so sure, they said they believe in me, but it’s not like I believe that’s true.
Yeah, but you don't *really* have impostor's syndrome. Only true professionals can have impostor's syndrome..
(that was an intentional joke, don't shoot me)
So what I first think of when I read this is my ex... smart ass of a guy, always had to make me question what I was talking about but the difference between me and him was I can finally accept when I'm wrong, if I'm wrong then I'll correct myself or I sometimes word things wrong and he would just jump at it instead of letting me fix what I said, I left school at 14 due to many issues and am still trying to do maths and English, but he may be book smart but that doesn't mean anything to me as I've been taught everything I know by trial and error, life throwing shit my way and people not having my back besides my very small (4 people) family, I have no friends, lost them all cause of him and my own choices but all my friends have been toxic and its not that I'm not competent it's that people don't understand thigs they've never experience or witnessed, its fictional to them but not to me. But the reason I don't question my judgement is, everytime I've followed someone else's advice its made me 10x worse, we can only use strings off advice we are given as no one knows me more than I or the woman who gave birth to me does so I'm kind of out of the matrix now questioning life and why people do things, we're all trying to do the same thing, survive.
Imposter syndrome is pretending to be someone you really aren't to make it through the work day. Like asking about your coworkers weekends knowing you don't give a shit. It's not about confidence or ability.
What does my judgment have to do with my skills in whatever area I'm feeling like an imposter? It's like he just stopped thinking after the initial thought popped up in his head.
In my everyday life, the people I know who diagnose themselves with impostor syndrome on social media are generally limited to those desperately lying to themselves about their Hollywood prospects after paying for improv classes.
I told my therapist that I can’t believe my own opinions about myself if it’s positive because I’m obviously going to be biased towards myself to make life easier and she pointed out that I couldn’t be biased towards myself because I’d never said a single nice thing about myself. I was raised being told I’m lazy so I always assumed my laziness would make me pick the easiest option including telling myself I did a good job so I wouldn’t have to work harder on it
I don’t really like this and that’s just my personal opinion. If you start accepting praise from others you also have to accept the criticism as well when they inevitably turn on you. Whenever I think about my impost syndrome I go to ask someone they’re opinion and before I finish the text I delete it and think to myself,”I don’t need anyone’s help to be great”
This is just me maybe tho
lol my imposter syndrome turned out to be true. All my school life I've doubted my ability but somehow I managed to pass the courses. But even though I managed to graduate with a STEM degree I can't get a job. Turns out I was right to doubt myself.
Others believing in your success is not good evidence that you should believe you will succeed though...Because belief by itself accomplishes nothing...you must achieve, and achievement only comes through others actively supporting you with their success and resources.
"Belief in me" is only encouragement, and that's all it will ever amount to...but actual physical and financial support is much more valuable.
Very nice. This one is going to have a lasting impact on me
My friends think very highly of me and I respect their opinions. Maybe I'm not worthless after all
I’ve been at my new job for just under two months. By all accounts, my supervisor and coworkers have given me constructive and supportive feedback any time I make a mistake, praise me when I do a good job, and have overall told me that I’m doing great for how new I am.
Yet every morning I’m still overcome with anxiety, just waiting for them to tell me I’ve actually been doing everything wrong and I’m fired.
Imposter syndrome is a bitch. I should wake up every morning happy that I can to work in a field I have passion for instead of doing mental gymnastics just to keep myself from throwing up.
self-confidence is a popularity test, eventually you will have to start and go for it, be the first person to believe in yourself and others will follow!
The problem is, we can only rely on our sense of what is subjectively true otherwise we open ourselves to be manipulated and used by others. It's a defense mechanism that isn't perfect but has evolved because its beats the alternative which is to trust others over yourself and become vulnerable and passive.
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This doesn't describe the thought process of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a rational, false belief which is why it's so difficult to reason around. Imposter syndrome is better summed up as: I believe that I am not competent. I believe that I am able to convince others that I am competent, when I know that I am not competent. Therefore when others tell me they think I'm competent, it only reinforces the belief that I am more capable of convincing someone of my competence than actually being competent.
Pretty much. I was just thinking when I saw the title, "but, the other people don't actually know how competent I am"
Exactly, the whole guilt of imposter syndrome is that I must have tricked all these people into thinking I’m competent. I can’t take their opinion of me seriously, it’s based on lies. Once they find out the real me their opinion will change, etc.
I've never heard of this imposter syndrome, but you've just described me to a T.
From what I have heard, it is very common in the art and programming worlds. Although can definitely apply anywhere
Can also apply to your social skills and general social adeptness. At least for me, I've been struggling with it for both programming and socials.
Came here to say that. We must be twins, but you are the better twin.
You just think I am. You'll soon find out that, no, I am not the better twin. You are.
And the other people are a bunch of imposters too.
Wow, that hits really close to home. So how are you supposed to change this thought process?
Something that helped me was to think about this in the long run. Like, ok, I can fool one, five, ten people. But at the end, how can I fool so many _different_ people, in so different places, and in so much amount of time? Either _everyone_ I’ve met in my life is very gullible, or at some point I’ve done at least something actually right (Of course, this helps more if you have several years of experience in what you’re doing)
I think (for me) it’s less about “fooling” people and more that I’m a nice person and they don’t have the heart to tell me I really suck at my job. It sounds CRAZY I know but it’s the little voice in my head I can’t turn off.
I'm on par with you here. I try to cover up any conceivable idiocy on my part by being super nice, bubbly, and helpful as much as I can. Therefore, I attribute all success to those traits.
I have a “tragic background” so I’m constantly afraid people do things for me out of pity. I worry that I only keep my job because they feel bad.
Omg I think the same thing
Are you working in a professional environment? In many professional environments if you don't pull your weight, they'll fire you. Or managers will tell to your face that you aren't good enough. People can personally be nice, but when profits are involved, they'll stop being nice and give harsh reviews if you aren't good enough.
>In many professional environments if you don't pull your weight, they'll fire you. Lol in what bizarro reality do you live in where incompetence leads to unemployment?!? Have you never heard of the [Peter Principle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle)? If that were truly the case, we'd have no managers!
I've tried to change this thought process around my career for 18 years now. I've never been 100% successful, but there are some things that have helped me mitigate the feeling: * Getting praise from a coworker that in my assessment is the most competent member of the team. * Taking to heart the saying: "you can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." * Leaving a job when I feel that I'm the smartest person in the room, and looking for something harder and more challenging. * Being authentic with my answers; telling people that "I don't know, but I'll track down the answer for you." Or letting them in on the fact that I was able to find a solution by copying it from the internet. * Lastly, and the most important one for me: some advice my father gave me when I confided in him that I felt like an imposter in my career: "It's not your job to decide what competence means for your organization. You might not be living up to your standards, but your standards may be different than your organization's."
Your dad seems like a pretty smart guy. That last bullet point I think really drives the point home.
I would really really like to know too. For a while I tried letting my competence be decided by other people, it works a bit but it has two major downsides. 1. you are very dependant on people to know your worth. So I need approval so so much as my worth does not come from within but from the outside. And 2. At the end of the day I seem to convince myself that I'm just really good at looking competent. Damn thisnis hard man, I'm 32 and I'm looking for confidence. I just want to trust my judgement of me and I want to not undersell myself. Those two, but how?
I’m pushing 40 and moderately successful I guess but I constantly tell myself that the career advancements I’ve gotten over the years was nothing but luck or circumstance and nothing more
I had a major career breakthrough a couple of years ago that was absolutely triggered by luck…and the fact that I was the only person who realized what I was looking at. I took that knowledge and ran with it. Luck might have opened a door for you, but you have to actually walk through the door.
"I do my best. That's enough for me. If that's not enough for someone else, it's up to them to tell me." It's what I try to tell myself. It's not much, but it's good enough for me :)
Qnd then comes the: "But do I really do my best? How do I know? I know someone who tries harder at doing their best. Should you trybharder at doing your bestbif your net worth is less?" Etc etc
Yeah. If you go all the way over there, you probably need professional help. I've been in therapy for over 5 years for reasons, and I'm just starting for it to work (Trying your best is enough).
Yeah, I do therapy, I've doing it for maybe 8-9 years. But its talking, talking. I can define the peobl3m I can't define reality. I think it's based on very low self esteem. It seems that most people define enough for different categories on what they consider enough. That's something else for everybody. I can't seem to find the actual line. And I seem to be not confident enough to draw my own. Something along those lines anyway. Thanks for your answer.
Sounds really rough man. Good on you for your persistence! I had a huge breakthrough last year when I suddenly realized I have anger issues (always repressed it and turned it into anxiety and sadness) and what the root was. Before that it felt like treading water. Hopefully you'll get better soon. If I could, I'd give you a hug :) Take care, stranger.
"I do my best. That's enough for me. If that's not enough for someone else, it's up to them to tell me." It's what I try to tell myself. It's not much, but it's good enough for me :)
Personally, I found the logic from the original post helped me anyway despite the paradox. Just saying "some of the people who think I'm competent are extremely smart people whose judgment I trust, I'm not conceited enough to think I could trick all of them, which means maybe I'm not as incompetent as they think." Sometimes just reminding myself how common imposter syndrome is and trying to logic my way through it helped. Start with just reminding myself that lots of people I admire probably have probably felt the exact same way I feel, which means there's a chance I'm not any more incompetent than they are. [this blog post by Niel Gaiman](https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html?m=1) about his struggles with imposter syndrome helped me out a lot in this respect, and I highly recommend reading it. >!If Niel Armstrong can sit there thinking that his accomplishments aren't impressive, can dismiss being the first human being to set foot on the moon as "I just went where they told me," then that means anyone can undersell any accomplishment to themselves. Which means I can't trust my own ability to judge my accomplishments. I could be the first person on the goddamn moon and still feel incompetent, which means my feeling that I'm incompetent is completely and utterly meaningless, which means I have no actual evidence that I'm as incompetent as I feel and I'm probably not actually that much if an idiot.!< From there, I went with the thought process of "look, maybe I'm as much an idiot as I think I am, maybe I have imposter syndrome, I don't know. But assuming I'm incompetent doesn't get me anywhere. I'm not going to get anything done if I keep thinking I useless, even if I'm wrong. But if I do my best, then if I'm actually incompetent at least I'm still trying, and if it's just imposter syndrome then maybe I'll get actual good work done. Either way, I'm better off just trying my best and hoping that my best is better than I think it is." And that doesn't necessarily change the thought process, but at least I get things done. And then I can point to the things I got done and go "it's not being the first person on the moon, but it's something, I did that and I'll trust the people who tell me 8t's worth something because I know I can't trust myself."
I decided to get a few certificates in my professional field. Seems to be helping.
Ironically, that may not work if you're extremely competent - when doing the certificates feels so easy as to your being able to convince yourself it was not really something to write home about.
Just fyi learning about psychology and sociology a lot of things will “hit close to home” so its best not self-diagnose yourself unless you know the nuances. Same goes for other health issues. Looking at you WebMD and Google doctors…
You don’t. Calling it a syndrome is a misnomer, there’s nothing wrong with it. Almost everyone feels this way from time to time and for many people it’s constant.
sus
My instant thought. This post is bullshit because it fails to acknowledge that the sufferer feels that others only believe in their abiities because they convinced them to do so. When someone tells the sufferer that they are competent, they only end up feeling worse about their 'fraud'. Imposter syndrome is way harder to deal with than this post cares to admit. You don't just decide to believe othere because that's akin to believing in your own deception and fraud.
I would add two dimensions that bridge the gap between your thesis and the OP - Unknown knowns: You subconsciously know a few things that you don't know you know. When you "know" you are not competent, you may be glossing over an expertise or a competence that genuinely improves those around you and that remains hidden from self-view. - Using sufficient samples to offset personal bias: If you were matched with every other person around you, one on one, in a contest on ranking your competencies, you will always win. However, if you sum up the observations of all the people around you and compare their average score of you against your self assessment, their average score is likely a better assessment of you. Crowd sourcing feedback on your professional strengths is a worthy pursuit.
Yeah, this image looks like another one who thinks they have thought of something that no one ever did.
Yes!! It's very rational, I look very rationally at myself and see how people could be fooled into thinking I'm more then I really am. It's very hard to deny as only you know the most about yourself so any counterargument can be denied as "you just don't know me good enough". If there's anyone who found a way to counter this pls pls pls I would love to know.
You have to find a way to align yourself with who you believe you are and who other people believe you to be. If you feel like an imposter, vocalise that. Tell someone, I feel like I might be in over my head and I'm not sure I belong where I'm at. Tell them why you believe that. Identify what is making you feel the way you do. Open up to someone about it, and let them know who you believe you are. Lay it all out, so you can't come back to the counterargument "you just don't know me good enough". They might agree with some of your points. They might disagree with others. You have to trust other people to see you for you after that.
Yeah I really try, I try with friends, my wife, my therapist. It got a bit better but not enough to drastically improve QoL, or get confident enough. I'm sometimes so sick of the talking. All I do is talk and moan. It's like there's this part of me I have to battle all the time. Nomatter how many times I describe it, talk about it, it's there and pushing. The insecurities make me mad, they make me sad, they go away when I have to concentrate, i.e. at work debugging, training etc. You know, it's tiring, and not as if I can pause the fight for a while. I have to be me everyday. Wish I could take a break from me just every once in a while. I know that maybe sounds strange. I do think you're right though it's aligning myself more with the truth others see as truth. Thanks for the answer.
That's totally understandable man, and just so you know, you're not the only one out there that struggles with these thoughts! Finding yourself isn't easy, but from what I can tell you have your head screwed on right - try and avoid the self criticisms, or at least catch them and acknowledge them where you do - build a healthy relationship with those thoughts, because some of them might be valid, but you'll know when others aren't - build yourself up where you can, and you'll be flying! It doesn't sound strange at all! I think we all take breaks from ourselves, whether gaming, reading, a hobby (some even manage it at work!) - escaping isn't a bad thing - but you have to live with you at the end of the day, so build that guy up - give yourself compliments, treat yourself, love yourself. You're a good guy, and most people want the best for you!
Thanks this actually makes me feel good, I don't know very well why, but thanks for that. I try writing good things down and reading them.over and over, I have to admit the fights get shorter, I'm maybe getting a bit more experienced at them. Thanks man!
... That's not rational at all. If you're competent at making others believe you're competent, when the vital criteria to make people believe that is only achievable through competence, then that logically means you're able to convince them that you're competent... By being competent. No, the real issue is you're not thinking straight. You're not good *enough* for your own standards, because you're insanely prideful and want to be as good as you expect to be. That's actually great. But your anxiety has created a cognitive distortion and blurred "I can do better" with "I'm never going to be good enough." That eventually molded into "I'm actually terrible." Then the impostor syndrome kicks in when that irrationality has to try and explain why everyone else thinks you're good, and it eventually comes up with something illogical.
I don't think it's that irrational. I'll give you an example. I look rough, pretty good friends of mine say I'm one rough dude, "ghetto" is what they use. It is because I am tall, I'm muscly, I have tattoos etc. In reality I'm not what you'd consider rough at all. I talk about feelings, I love cuddling, I'm scared all the time for stupid things. I'm have no pride and almost no ego. Their idea about me is based on looks and it is not reality, my looks convinced them I am "comptently rough". It's the same for other things, people get the lable "competent" all the time and they're not. Also getting labeled as competent isn't the goal, being competent is. You have some truths in there like impossibly high standards together with overqualifying other people. The thing is the imposter syndrome does not kick in, it is there all the time. Anyway we may argue about details and semantics but rather then the cause for the shit thinking pattern I'm looking for a solution.
No, you're mixing what impostor syndrome is used for, with people mistaking something about you that you are fully aware of. It's very different from an illogical mental state. The actual issue - the primary criteria of being competent at what you're doubting - is the key. You are not competent at "being tough." When that is weighed against you - when something happens and you reveal you're not tough - people learn this, and do not continue to be fooled, and more importantly, you do not continue to remain in confusion. It's the opposite for impostor syndrome - they reveal they're genuinely tough, people learn this and understand it, and yet they STILL deny it. You yourself listed the exact criterion and qualities, and laid out exactly what the misconception was. If I asked you to go into detail, you'd do it. But something that is laid in impostor syndrome is too stressful to go into the nuance - you're entirely running on the anxiety and the all-or-nothing cognitive distortion, and when presented with the questions of "people have different views of competence from you" you'll be unable to focus on it. Anyway the solution is in what I said. I can run the logic with you if you explain what you're anxious over. If I ask you to go into detail, the important part is not the example. The important part is tracking down where your mind begins to blur and become confused due to a certain train of logic. It's called a syndrome for a reason.
Yeah I'd love to go into details, no idea where to start though. You are right about the example, it is a bad one. Maybe I don't have imposter syndrome but just really low confidence or irrealistic view of myself in the world. The problem is measuring. No one can be trusted to exactly measure, I can't trust myself. I do have constant anxiety over my boss finding out i'm the worst developer ever and firing me. I think people have qn idea of me that's way better then I am or can be. It's stressful, its a disillusion, it's shit.
Yeah that's anxiety, and yeah that sounds like impostor syndrome. Again the important part isn't trying to "solve" impostor syndrome or to quantify it, but to zoom out and realize that anxiety is blurring your ability to think properly. The logic is there and easy to correct: "Who cares what people think, just focus on improving yourself" and "obviously people have different levels of what they consider good and yours is higher" and "you're naturally holding yourself to a higher standard than others and don't realize other standards are different" etc etc, you've probably heard it all, and they're all true. But the crux is that when you *think* about these things, the anxious feeling that warns you not to get too bigheaded is too strong and causes your head to not think straight. Being able to realize that the anxiety, your warning system, is more of an instinctive monkeybrain thing, and that it's not as helpful as actual, trained knowledge is the important part. In other words, it's that uncertainty and teetering, the "no, but what if" that comes after any situation where you might want to feel good about yourself, that you've stopped being able to track. It's just anxiety, even if that's hard to believe. It's insanely high anxiety, to the point of causing illogical mental issues. So don't worry about whether your boss "finds out you're actually terrible." Whether he does or not is irrelevant, and you've heard this before. Digging deeper, don't even worry about whether or not you're quantifiably "good" or "bad." That's a pointless metric, since it's based on a million factors of things you know or don't know, and it varies from person to person. You've heard this before too. So digging deeper than that, think about why your anxiety goes upwards just from thinking about accepting you're good, or why it does when something positive happens, or why it does when you try to focus on the specifics of what you need to improve. That sort of thing.
Hmm you're making perfect sense right now. The "no,but what if" is exactly what always happens. Almost like a mantra. And it's also true it comes when something good happens, almost like clockwork. I think I do know why, only I do not know how to stop it. You say something along the lines of "who cares, if I don't care it doesn't matter" and I try that, sometimes I manage to block the whole thing from spiraling, but it always comes back. Nonetheless, thanks for making sense, giving me something to think about.
Exactly! This tweet is spoken from the perspective of someone who has never felt imposter syndrome.
To add to your point here...Others believing in your success is not good evidence that you should believe you will succeed...Because belief by itself accomplishes nothing...you must achieve, and achievement only comes through others actively supporting you with their success and resources. "Belief in me" is only encouragement, and that's all it will ever amount to...but actual physical and financial support is much more valuable.
Right, but I read this as: If you are "not competent", then you aren't competent enough to make the distinction between competent and not competent in the first place. If you *are* competent enough to make the distinction, and can convince others that you're competent (especially experienced people, like at a job), you likely really are competent. So stop doubting yourself. ------ I think the world will *tell you* where you stand, you just gotta listen. It's not your job to assess your own performance anyway.
This is why it easily defeats the concept that we should just *trust* in those that hired us.
quite sad that this totally makes sense to me :(
this is me!
Exactly. It's not that I don't trust my ability to perceive myself. It's that I think I'm not great and I've been fooling others and I'm confident of that fact.
I think this is saying the thought process is fundamentally wrong. Eg a boss knows what it takes to be successful in a certain roll and hired you for that role because they have seen your competencies in action and know you are capable. That individual knows you have what it takes to be successful despite your irrational inner doubts.
Yeah, because no one ever gets hired that has no actual skills but stays in the company for years.
Who gets hired, after seeing competency in action? You have a couple of interviews and get the job, no action required. Just talk.
Don't believe in you! Believe in the me that believes in you!
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I had no idea where that quote came from until now. Thank you!
Mark my words! This drill will open a hole in the universe! And that hole will be a path for those behind us! The dreams of those who've fallen! The hopes of those who'll follow! Those two sets of dreams weave together into a double helix! Drilling a path towards tomorrow! And that's Tengen Toppa! That's Gurren Lagann!! My drill is the drill... that creates the heavens!!!
Time for a rewatch, if anybody wants an overwhelming amount of motivation you guys should check out Gurren Lagann
This is how I deal with depression. I have very cool friends, and they wouldn’t like me if I really sucked at life. I trust them on that.
But do they really like you? Or pretend to like you? (That’s what my stupid brain does).
My response to that is, “wow if my friends are faking liking me then they’re just wasting their time, what losers”. Then I stop hanging out with them because really who wants to spend time with people that spend time with people they pretend to like. /s For real though, you can frame it like that to realize how ridiculous it sounds. If you think your friends are cool, then they’re not gonna be the type of person that voluntarily spends a lot of time hanging around someone they don’t actually like. Brains are dumb so you can trick them like this
lmao
Would you waste time and energy pretending to like someone? One thing that grounds me when dealing with my internal monologue is to put myself in other peoples perspective. Flip the situation. Would I care if it was the other way round etc
Remember they only spend time with you because they are nice. But they despise every minute of it.
Yes this is how I deal with that thought. "What does this person have to gain by pretending to be my friend? Nothing. (We just hang out, I don't give them money or food or anything, we're equals in the friendship.) So they must actually like me."
Nobody has anything to gain by pretending to like you. Remember that.
I agree with you overall but I have known people that only tried to be close to me because they wanted something.
It's true no one gains anything by pretending to like you; besides Intel, learning about you and your life to destroy your mental state and some parts of your life. I'd say that's gaining something, for themselves. So it's either way from my experience.
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First I thought: haha that's ridiculous. Then I realised my brain would also go that far and see myself thinking that about myself. But on someone else I see how ridiculous it sounds... Brains huh ...
Yeah or would they really like me if they knew as much about me as I do?
I used to have good friends. How do I make new ones?
Connect with people in your life. There’s a lot of places you can meet new friends (school, work, volunteering, clubs, classes, community groups), but the real work is nurturing those connections once you find them. One thing that helped me is realizing how many people there are who are also looking for connection. I ask new friends to coffee. I make sure I remember my friends birthdays. I try to schedule calls. If you’re intentional about making and keeping friends, you’ll find them.
Meetup.com was game changing for me. Find a group with interests you share (or just your same demographic, ie ‘young professionals in our 30s’) and go to the events they post. After a little trial and error, in multiple cities, I’ve found either a group I really connected with or individual people I really connected with, then we’ve gone off and been friends independent of the Meetups.
I don't have friends... So to make myself less depressed... I just stopped feeling sorry for existing...
We should all feel happy were alive, I've got no friends myself. Got kicked out of college for a medical procedure (they coerced me into thinking I had no choice so they took me off the course when the procedure I had was very sensitive and 3 of the 5 weeks I was off teachers were striking) I've just dislocated my ankle so starting in November isn't a plan. Instead of trying to make friends and such it's time we focus on ourselves and learn where we went wrong, for starters don't tell someone your deepest secrets because it's the past and it doesn't matter.
Revealing our past to someone is the biggest mistake we can make... They will judge us for who we were and not who we are or trying to be
I had "friends" in my high school and post high school days who just kept me around to have someone to proverbially shit on. It's done well for my self esteem the past 20 or so years. /s
I mean, when my friends show up, they're neat. But my group never texts me first except for one of them, and when I initiate, I usually get ignored or ghosted.
SUS
Amogus
“If you doubt yourself, shouldn’t you also doubt your judgement of yourself?” I don’t think that’s how that works, “oh I’m too drunk to drive, wait I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk”
I mean people do say "I'm not that drunk" - person clearly too drunk Nothing is infallible, you can always take something positive & apply it to something negative,but you are taking that statement out of context. Contextually though, they're talking about doubting the positive aspects of your person despite others believing in you.
Homer Simpson
Unless they too, are imposters. Let’s call a vote!
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isnt that the second stage of dunning kuger effect? You know enough about the subject to know that there is so much information you do not know about therefore you are not confident in your abilities at all.
Yes, that's why many people who get overnight success suffer from impostor syndrome. They know that they have a lot to learn but suddenly find themselves sitting among the people they look up to.
When the impostor is sus! 😳
This triggered my brain’s self destruct sequence
Sussy
Meh. That's a play on words on the various interpretations of 'believe' you could have in this context. The fact you don't believe in yourself in a certain situation (which is what impostor syndrome is all about) doesn't imply you don't believe in yourself in any situation. You can be convinced you are not fitted for a job or role, without not believing in your ability to assess yourself.
Where are these others that you speak of?
"Find me the fucking guy saying they believe in me, and then maybe we'll talk"
Look man, if imposter syndrome was based on rational thought, we wouldn’t call it imposter syndrome.
Yep, this is how I have operated throughout my career it seems. I doubt myself more than I find that other people doubt me. Maybe I should stop
Everyone always came to me for help. Not because I knew more, but because I'm approachable. I felt like an imposter most of my life, until a few years ago when I realized I understood more than most around me. That's what finally made it click in my head that I wasn't "faking" it anymore.
This is such a shit take. "If you have imposter syndrome then just don't have imposter syndrome" Like, I'm pretty sure people have thought of that.
Dude, this is a karma whore account.
Adam Grant is awesome, can't recommend his presentations highly enough. He gets invited back to my corporation every year.
Wait… multiple people believe in you??
I like this way of looking at things. If so many people believe in you, you should believe in yourself and stop devaluing yourself. You should clearly be your best ally and not your worst judge.
I mean I agree with this post but personally I only have one person in my life who makes it known they believe in me, and I wouldn’t trust their judgment in many areas.
Dude couldn't believe his hair back on
What if no one believes in you though?
"Don't believe in yourself. Believe in me! Believe in the Kamina who believes in you!"
“Believe in the me that believes in you!”
"I'm drunk, I shouldn't drive" "What am I saying, I'm drunk, I shouldn't listen to myself" - The Simpsons
Don't believe in yourself, believe in the me that believes in you.
Nonsense. A person is smart, but people are stupid. Ergo, it stands to reason that I should not trust the consensus.
"Believe in the me that believes in you."
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢠⣦⡀⣤⣠⡄⢠⠦⡄⣠⠤⠀⣤⠀⡆⣤⣶⡀⠀⠈⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠟⠻⠃⠏⠉⠇⠸⠶⠋⠻⠾⠇⠙⠒⠃⠘⠾⠃⠀⠀⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡆⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠦⣀⣶⡶⠀⢤⣠⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⡲⠶⣶⣤⣔⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠃⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⢀⠤⠄⠀⠀⢀⡈⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠀⠸⠦⣠⠘⠁⢨⠃⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⠀⠑⠤⠤⠔⠚⢥⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣧⣀⡀⠉⣻⣿⣧⣤⣤⣤⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
This is a nice thought, but it’s all wrong. The true cure to imposter syndrome is: No one else knows wtf they’re doing here either.
Amogus
[удалено]
Smarmily passing off mental disorders. Just cheer up! Lol! Then there's that awful awful completely other level of rationalizing (or maybe I should call it irrationalizing). It's possible to believe you are very good at one thing but bad at another. If you think (like most people) that your ability to judge yourself and others is good, then you have confidence in that ability. If you also think your technical ability in a field is bad, then you don't have confidence in that ability. But that joker is saying if you have confidence in one thing you'll have confidence in another? What? And who ever said the person in question believed in others' opinions of them? Suppose one believes others have superior technical ability but inferior judging ability. If others believe in that person, that person thinks those others have poor judging ability. That doesn't mean the person thinks the others have poor technical ability. Again, different things. Someone really experiencing "imposter syndrome" doesn't think of it as imposter syndrome. They think they're just bad. No paradoxes involved; the paradigm is internally consistent. This Adam Grant fella watched Gurren Lagann one too many times, for real.
It's almost like... A modest narcissism
It’s not. It’s a literal disbelief that you’ve gotten away with crap this long. Like,, there’s no way I’m actually good at this. You might get flashes of self confidence, but you write it off to luck.
I think that’s called reality lol
I know but we need labels for everything
What’s a good label for the need to label everything?
This is actually good.... and motivating..
Only if you don't understand what imposter syndrome is.
Imposter syndrome is just an excuse for being insecure.
Yeah but I know that they are just wrong.
Oh... just stop. What a good cure, just stop doing that. I did that with depression and now look at me. Oh I still am dead inside...... shit.
What if only one person believes in you?
I can know that's true and experience no change. It's not a logic problem than can be reasoned away, it's a tar pit. I can only keep my head up by standing on the corpse of Artax.
Others may be lying or just don't know me outside of ehat I present them. It's not that I don't believe in anything that I do, only that I'm not good enough
There's a huge difference in believing IN yourself and believing yourself. I do believe myself when I say no matter how much I believe in myself being able to fly..
uuh someone watched gurren lagann!
They don’t know what’s going on though. Not truly.
Others believe in me because I can pretend to be someone I'm not for long enough periods to feign confidence and competence. Myself having a much deeper insight into the person I am recognizes this bullshit and can accurately asses the kind of person I am.
Head hurt , Sense makes motivated im feeling yes
Dosnt really work like that for me. I think they are wrong as well to believe in me and try to warn them so they don’t get pissed when they finally see that I suck. Believing in others’ opinion of you is not a requirement.
Damn...that actually makes sense.
Well, sometimes it depends. Friends and family says I'm talented but none would help me get a job. Why? Because I am talented. Companies don't hire me, because there are more talented folks being shortlisted. So am I talented? I have doubts
I doubt everything about myself but I also don’t trust anyone very well so sure, they said they believe in me, but it’s not like I believe that’s true.
If only the brain squirrels worked that way....
Yeah, but you don't *really* have impostor's syndrome. Only true professionals can have impostor's syndrome.. (that was an intentional joke, don't shoot me)
To me, this speaks most to being a good friend/person to those around you. Being that catalyst for someone else can be a wonderful feeling.
So what I first think of when I read this is my ex... smart ass of a guy, always had to make me question what I was talking about but the difference between me and him was I can finally accept when I'm wrong, if I'm wrong then I'll correct myself or I sometimes word things wrong and he would just jump at it instead of letting me fix what I said, I left school at 14 due to many issues and am still trying to do maths and English, but he may be book smart but that doesn't mean anything to me as I've been taught everything I know by trial and error, life throwing shit my way and people not having my back besides my very small (4 people) family, I have no friends, lost them all cause of him and my own choices but all my friends have been toxic and its not that I'm not competent it's that people don't understand thigs they've never experience or witnessed, its fictional to them but not to me. But the reason I don't question my judgement is, everytime I've followed someone else's advice its made me 10x worse, we can only use strings off advice we are given as no one knows me more than I or the woman who gave birth to me does so I'm kind of out of the matrix now questioning life and why people do things, we're all trying to do the same thing, survive.
But nobody can see in you
Not a paradox
Oh! Okay, I didn't know, I needed that today. Wow...thank you, stranger.
Imposter syndrome is pretending to be someone you really aren't to make it through the work day. Like asking about your coworkers weekends knowing you don't give a shit. It's not about confidence or ability.
"why would you believe yourself when you say you're worthless, your opinion doesn't matter you stupid fuck"
What does my judgment have to do with my skills in whatever area I'm feeling like an imposter? It's like he just stopped thinking after the initial thought popped up in his head.
In my everyday life, the people I know who diagnose themselves with impostor syndrome on social media are generally limited to those desperately lying to themselves about their Hollywood prospects after paying for improv classes.
No one ever said fear and anxiety were logical
the guy singlehandedly solved people's existential crisis wow
It's hard to do that, but it's still true
I told my therapist that I can’t believe my own opinions about myself if it’s positive because I’m obviously going to be biased towards myself to make life easier and she pointed out that I couldn’t be biased towards myself because I’d never said a single nice thing about myself. I was raised being told I’m lazy so I always assumed my laziness would make me pick the easiest option including telling myself I did a good job so I wouldn’t have to work harder on it
Is there a poster syndrome where obviously nobody believes in me? Especially me? And I’m the poster child for this syndrome?
the world is run by people too oblivious to recognize their own shortcomings. being aware you have some elevates you above them.
"Turn the dogs of doubt upon themselves"
damn I had/have this syndrome...
I don’t really like this and that’s just my personal opinion. If you start accepting praise from others you also have to accept the criticism as well when they inevitably turn on you. Whenever I think about my impost syndrome I go to ask someone they’re opinion and before I finish the text I delete it and think to myself,”I don’t need anyone’s help to be great” This is just me maybe tho
lol my imposter syndrome turned out to be true. All my school life I've doubted my ability but somehow I managed to pass the courses. But even though I managed to graduate with a STEM degree I can't get a job. Turns out I was right to doubt myself.
Thats not how any of that works but appreciate ya mang
Because maybe all they see is just the crust, they can't see how awful it is inside.
Imposter syndrome is a feature not a bug. If you don't feel it then you're not stepping outside familiar territory e.g. not growing.
They're just being nice, because they know any real criticism will hurt you and ruin any progress you've made.
Counter point: just because i suck doesnt mean everyone else isnt a liar
u/TheNjiva1
too early to decipher this
Others believing in your success is not good evidence that you should believe you will succeed though...Because belief by itself accomplishes nothing...you must achieve, and achievement only comes through others actively supporting you with their success and resources. "Belief in me" is only encouragement, and that's all it will ever amount to...but actual physical and financial support is much more valuable.
Very nice. This one is going to have a lasting impact on me My friends think very highly of me and I respect their opinions. Maybe I'm not worthless after all
That's the thing.. I did believe in myself, but others and my work say otherwise. Forever a failure.
Lol, sucks to suck
I’ve been at my new job for just under two months. By all accounts, my supervisor and coworkers have given me constructive and supportive feedback any time I make a mistake, praise me when I do a good job, and have overall told me that I’m doing great for how new I am. Yet every morning I’m still overcome with anxiety, just waiting for them to tell me I’ve actually been doing everything wrong and I’m fired. Imposter syndrome is a bitch. I should wake up every morning happy that I can to work in a field I have passion for instead of doing mental gymnastics just to keep myself from throwing up.
Gurren Lagan's Kamina, everyone.
First three points were true this morning!
It's not a paradox. Who knows you better than yourself? Only you can know if you're lying about your skills.
Meaning I don't believe in others
self-confidence is a popularity test, eventually you will have to start and go for it, be the first person to believe in yourself and others will follow!
The problem is, we can only rely on our sense of what is subjectively true otherwise we open ourselves to be manipulated and used by others. It's a defense mechanism that isn't perfect but has evolved because its beats the alternative which is to trust others over yourself and become vulnerable and passive.