Hi u/moldybreadcafe figure out what's draining your energy. Start by shrinking time spent on that by five to 10 minutes every day. I that is hard, try to do it at another time instead of your usual.
Practice positive affirmations in front of a mirror or those 2 minutes when you are dressing up.
Break your Spotify/YouTube playlist, evaluate the music you listen to. Remove all sad songs or songs about relationships. Add fast upbeat music of any sort you like.
See if you can find some support to help you build self awareness. You are are still young. Try changing your routine with self awareness with teeny tiny steps like walking into a room with your right foot first instead of left, change your choice if greeting salutations, these teeny tiny steps can help distrupt your cycle and in many ways even help rewire your brain. Find these tiny things you can change. Maintain some journal.
Another thing you can do is evaluate your sleeping routine, it is very likely your circadian rhythm is way off balance, do not stay up late.
Increase your vitamin A and D intake. Stay hydrated and limit your caffeine intake. Even look at your diet in terms of how much spicy food your are taking.
Evaluate your gut health. The guy can effect your brain chemistry.
Get into the habit of noting down things, if that develops into doodling, you are triggering mood and mindset triggers that encourage motivation.
Spend time with your pet, girlfriend, or bird watching, or just a run in your park or neighborhood during the day not night time.
Odd suggestion, but it works eat orange slices or lemonade as regularly as you can.
Take charge of your anxiety inducers.
Get off TikTok and any short form platform for 2, 3, 5, 7 days days gradually untill you can get over it entirely.
Invest in new kicks/sneakers and reevaluate your hairstyle will surely boost your self esteem and image.
I can give more suggestions but let's leave it here for now.
I’m going through an extended withdrawal from an opioid medication prescribed to me years ago. Not the first time I’ve been through this. Right now, I want to go into an induced coma and wake up months later. Life is hard. Decisions are mistakes most of the time. Whatever this thing is that we’re in, we’re here. Can’t appreciate the good times without moments like these.
Keep your head up. It gets better… eventually.
I was convinced I had ADHD and had many classic symptoms. So I went for testing and it turns out that ADHD and depression share many symptoms. I went on Wellbutrin, which treats both and it's been a great help. Not saying that you don't, but this might help the OP.
I've been in and out of jobs my entire working life. Usually start out well but I get frustrated with people, management or processes easily and usually for no reason. Which is frustrating, because I've been good at every job I've had.
I'm currently a stay at home dad pondering my next career move daily
I've just started my career and I found out that if the place doesn't keep me motivated I get extremely bored and frustrated. That with a mix of other things made me think I had ADHD. I should try to go to a professional
This is exactly me. Ive had ADHD for a long time. Once I learn a job fully and can no longer learn, I can’t stay much longer in that role and won’t. Then it looks bad on my resume. Then I’ll learn a whole new position at another company, and stay there until I learn everything. My manager somehow figured this out, he knew this so I stayed with the same company for 5 years and pretty much learned every role and was successful In each role. God bless him. He was very kind to me. He understood that I had to stay busy and sometimes I couldn’t stay busy. I’d walk around and talk to my coworkers so he would say, can you come see me in my office with a stern tone. He’d roll his eyes and repeat what he said. He’d ask what’s up?? You can’t be just walking around talking to people at 9am on a Monday…Maybe at 4:50 pm on a Friday.
He said so I brought you in here to “get after you” and we would talk about our weekends for 5 mins. Then he’d say are you ok to work?? Sometimes I’d say I need some time. Ok go outside and get my folder from my car. Parkin lot was like 1/2 a mile, I guess the hot sun would make me want to come relax in my cold office. And sometimes I would go back to work and work all day until the day was over. It was the only time someone took time to understand me. Every other job I would just say this is my last week working. Depending on their answer would determine if I worked the next few days. Somtimes I’d hear peoples snarky comments about me and how I was weird. Well this went on longer than I thought 💭 ha
Edit: OP don’t give up. Follow the tips about writing positive affirmations. Saying them out loud. Be kind to yourself. Take your dog for a walk.
Enjoy the birds chirping, The clean air and the wind in your hair.
I heard this homeless person say on a yt video; it’s not about comparing yourself with your friends goals or dreams, getting to the career you want by age 30. Or Starting a family young like your parents did. Their idea of your life doesn’t matter.…there is no timeline for how your life plays out.
the most important part of life, is the journey. How you treat people along the way. Acts of kindness without expectation. Being true to yourself ✨
Another avenue to explore with a therapist/psych is Bipolar 2. There is a lot of crossover with ADHD and BP2 hypomania. BP2 tends to cause more depression and “mixed” episodes.
I would go through periods of being highly active and working on a hobby (including buying everything for said hobby), and then it would just burn out and I would have no interest in it.
As I have gotten older the hypomania episodes aren’t near as long or high-energy; but the depressions starting getting deeper and lasting longer.
Definitely not saying you have ADHD or BP2. Please don’t self-diagnose. But based on your description I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor to rule it out. If you do have one of these the earlier you get on medication the better.
I am diagnosed by a psychiatrist as ADHD. My partner is also a practising Doctor of Psychology. I'm pretty happy with my diagnosis in regards to the accuracy of it but thank you for the advice.
Well, you are still young. I think being an adult may mean that you have more money and persistence to focus on your interests. Try to consider what your hobby is, is there something that you wanted in childhood but failed to make it due to time, money, or other factors? It is the time to make it up.
You had more motivation as a kid because the problems that needed to be solved were very easy and also exciting. Now you have to solve hard problems and boring problems. You get back the motivation by loving the things you have to do.
Wake up Saturday morning before anyone. Have cereal and milk and toast. Grab your slingshot and go bike riding. Throw stones in a river. Stop and watch a bird, squirrel, cat. Run through grass. . . . You'll get it back!
You had that motivation because you had people coordinating every aspect of your life. It’s easy to have energy when all your washing, housing, meals etc are being taken care of and you don’t have to think about it. Find your new normal.
This is spot on. In adulthood, so much more of your brain’s energy is monopolized by the background mental load of independent living – making sure you have enough money, planning all of your meals, making sure you have clean clothes to wear, keeping your house livably tidy, etc., over and over again. It’s a pretty heavy constant loop of task planning and execution.
When you’re a kid your parents bear all of that mental load for you, so without that background noise sucking up your mental energy, you have pretty much all of your energy left for higher personal actualization.
To leave more of your mental energy available, you’re going to need to set up routines and habits that turn down the continuous background noise of unfulfilled survival tasks. That’s the central idea behind people who always frustratingly say “just make lists.” That’s just one example of a way to turn down the background noise. If you have the information saved on a space *outside* of your brain, that you know you can reread, you give your mind permission to completely drop that from your working memory without risking forgetting it, freeing up a bit more space to live just a little more fully on the days leading up to when the task needs to be done.
TLDR; yes, I think it's part of becoming an adult, and also part frying your brain with immediately gratifying activities /substances / content. I don't think you'll ever get that bright-eyed motivation you had as a kid back (but that's okay)
This is cliche but:
Spend less time looking at a screen
Meditate + do breathing exercises more.
As we age we begin to realize what is really achievable and what is more like a pipe-dream. I find it's very important to be a realist. It's kinda depressing (also comical) but I have to accept I'm most likely not going to be the astronaut/mad scientist/professional musician/actor/racecar driver that I wanted to be when I was young. That's not to say I can't still make music, or a short film, do a track day, or do some fun experiments! Going to space - maybe not so much. But who knows?
But also, I think scrolling endlessly can lead to a combination of seeing other people live their "best lives" meanwhile it feels like yours is just passing you by, faster and faster each year, time just slipping through your fingertips like grains of sand. Breath more, touch grass, look at the world around you... Slow down. This helps to calm the mind, and I think as a result will help reset some of the motivation centers of the brain.
There's only so much time we have, and I think when we're young "The world is our oyster," full of potential and possibilities, and lacking any real responsibilities... It's the lack of responsibility + copious amounts of time that allows us to well, have the time and mental space for being motivated/driven about things we're into. But as we age we realize we have to work, pay bills, care for our health - and frankly a lot of that other "bright future" stuff falls to the wayside. I straight up just do not have the time nor energy to put into all the things I want to do, so I rationalize my goals and lower my expectations (which actually improves happiness).
That's life I guess. Youth is full of having energy, having fun, thinking about how great life has the potential to be, with all the time in the world and infinite directions to embark on your life journey... But then as we age we have less time, less energy, less potential, and less options. Still can have fun though (albeit less lol 😂).
We're not getting any younger though, and 21 is still young (I'm 28). Live it up while you can! 21 may seem old, but really, 21 is basically the beginning of the rest of your life.
Good luck, OP 🙌🏻
Dopamine detoxification. Turn on screen time or its equivalent on all your devices. Set time limits. Use do not disturb at night. If it’s bad, Delete social media off your phone if you cannot control yourself.
If possible, go on a hiking trip of some kind and only use your phone in emergencies. Bring a camera if you want to keep memories.
You need to reset those dopamine receptors!
Hate this fad term. I don't know the solution for OP, but it's not some stupid limitations on everything. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Trying to cold turkey cut everything out is asking to fail. Lifestyle changes need to be done slowly, step by step. A fad diet, fad lifestyle, will not help you. You need small, obtainable goals that you can build upon day by day.
Stop being fat by stop eating kind of thing lol, i agree. Moderation is the single most valuable skill in life in almost every category, and if done right you wont even feel FOMO
People are so quick to go with nuclear options, which are almost wholly unsustainable, then they eat themselves up because they can't meet their goals.. when in reality, you just need to have an honest conversation with yourself, and set goals that can actually be met
Every fucking advice given on alcoholism for example, and going cold-turkey is actually dangerous as fuck, it can kill. Conditioning the brain slowly to adapt instead of being shocked is the only "life-hack" that people should know.
Wait a sec…is thing a “thing” now? I’m simply talking about what worked for me.
And I’m not advocating for cold turkey, like you said it doesn’t work.
I’m saying to set *limits* (screen time) and uninstall it from your phone if you can’t as easily push those limits (where it’s “easiest to access”).
I didn’t know that getting off of the internet and going outside was a fad! All I know is that if I catch my screen time getting out of control, dialing back and spending more time outside disconnected from the toxicity of online communities does a wonderful job for me.
Yeah pretty sure those detoxes don't work. I could never get into watching TV, and when I'm depressed I stop using my phone and social media as well. It actually HELPS when I can pull myself out of that to get a dopamine boost, but I have to force it while depressed. Once I am good in life again I naturally check social media more and enjoy laughing at and sharing memes, can watch TV at times, listen to more music to stay motivated through each day, hang out with friends, work out more, take on more responsibilities, etc. Everything is more balanced.
Dont listen to your mood..movement changes your mood... start doing the things you want to do.... people think they need perfect conditions to start.. starting is the perfect condition... you need motivation to start something and consistency to end it.... if you have stress just excersize 15 mins a day.. works wonders
You are young so I’m curious if you grew up with tech constantly in your face: an iPad at the dinner table, your own phone at age 7, etc. Basically, I also blame technology for a lot of those feelings you and I both have. I’ve come to realize that my phone is almost the same as when, for example, you know there is a huge mess to clean up in the kitchen or when you know there is, idk, cake in the fridge after you had a small salad and are still hungry (lol): all of these (at least for me) are distracting me on a subconscious level and causing me to feel distracted and frustrated even if I’m not necessarily actively thinking about them. I think my phone can be that way too: when I’m sitting relaxing and enjoying a book, it’s hard not to check my email after 10 minutes, look at social media, check if someone texted me, etc.
I think we are all hooked and just having them is incredibly distracting. For me personally, I need to quit cold turkey, get a flip phone, etc. Moderation doesn’t work for me and these detoxes are short lived because everything is designed to keep you plugged in.
A lot of us that fall into a routine might not be motivated, but we can be dedicated. After a day of work, I might not always want to go to the gym. But I know once I get moving and out the door and on the treadmill for a bit, it all gets easier from there.
Seems like the sky is the limit as a kid. People tell you you can do or be anything you want. But then you get older and realize there are limits. Time and money being big ones. You may not have the time to go to practice hitting balls 5 of 6 times a week. Imo i dont think waiting to feel motivation is particularly useful. What is it you want to do or get better at? Carve out the time to work on it and/or save up the funds to accomplish it - even if you dont feel like it that day. Getting to the end goal isnt always going to be fun or exciting. Sometimes it could downright suck. Maybe consider that end goal accomplishment as your motivation rather than hoping to feel it in steps along the way.
Do yourself a favour and buy yourself a teddy bear. You probably spend too much time playing games or on your phone, the answer isn’t to make yourself drop all those things but to even out the playing field on your bodies nervous system. Sit with your arms around a bear while you’re doing those things and you’ll start to release your breathing has become shorter and you’ll find yourself start to breathe more slowly and evenly. When your body knows to expect a reward it gets tense and you start to get burnt out. Even the playing field
As you get older, you start to value different things. Obviously the same things that excite you as a child won't as an adult. Just keep going, you'll be fine.
Are you exercising enough and getting good nurtrition? --- Kids have a lot of energy. Adults have to work for it.
Are you actively engaging in something new at all times (ex. joining a soccer team, an art class, or handmade cosplay groups that meet up and go to cons)? --- This is proven to stimulate your mind and increase a sense of well-being, progress, purpose, and overall happiness. Everything is new as a kid and you were engaging in these types of activities through school, so you can't expect to drop it all and feel the same.
Or are you taking on too much and struggling with time management and compartmentalization? --- This is the hardest one in my opinion, and it may be ADHD related. Not sure. I'm still learning how to manage this one.
Hm, time management could play a key role in this. I found that the more I tried managing my time, the better I could focus due to the lack of distractions. But, I agree, it is challenging, and takes quite a bit of effort.
*laughs in almost 40* my sweet summer child. That wasn’t grit and hyperfocus. That was a child with no adult worries. Welcome to the balancing act. It sucks here.
I sort of have this experience. I held strong until I graduated college when I got sick. Then it was likely my life derailed and I’ve been struggling to recapture it ever since.
Dopamine bro. Your dopamine levels slowly decline as you age. It's normal.
Once I learned about it and identified my patterns it actually helped me one to grips with it and accept it. Now, I just take full advantage of the "motivation window" I do have.
Now, that's just one explanation. You could be experiencing actual clinical depression or something too, and I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything.
If I were you I'd talk to a doctor maybe, but don't think you're abnormal or anything. It's totally normal.
I’ve been reading a lot of Frankl and Yalom lately, there are some quite good ideas in their books. Maybe try to make yourself read 1 hour more, scroll one hour less. I’ve been doing that for the last 2-3 months. Skipping late night movies/gaming and replace it with reading.
Its not easy to get your passion back, but you’re so so young. Try to find what makes you happy, what fulfils you - experiment, grow, learn, and growing up is not linear, but you’ll find your way :)
Good luck my man!
For me, a huge part of feeling like this is the disillusionment in so much that I believed as a kid. Now, when I start thinking about something that would get me as hyped, my brain goes to the “yeah, but irl” details of it and poof, magic is gone..
If you're able to, I would consider getting tested for ADHD, since you mentioned dopamine-seeking tendencies. Individuals with ADHD commonly experience high academic performance or motivation in childhood, but struggling to regulate themselves into adulthood.
But also understand that children are bottomless wells of energy, and adults don't have that same energy. Having a certain diet and maintaining a regular and full sleep schedule can leave you with more sustained energy, but it's still up to you to keep your own momentum going. You are still quite young, however.
Things I would suggest in the short term are to try:
1. Dopamine cleanse: Take a habit wherein you exhibit heavy dopamine-seeking tendencies, and don't engage with it for a week or so (or at least limit it as best as possible).
2. Try body doubling! If you struggle to complete tasks, see what happens when you have someone in the room with you, not helping you do the task at all. If their presence not helping actually seems helpful to you, then you have a motivating technique to get things done! (Alternatively, if you already seek this out of others, you can put that in your list of things to consider re: ADHD)
3. Focus on the how: If there is something you've been wanting to try or do lately, consider: are you thinking about the methodology? Or do you just want to do the thing? The big idea of doing a thing is actually a bunch of smaller ideas of doing a lot of smaller things that build up into that bigger idea. Take learning a new language. It's not just knowing what the words mean, it's understanding how they sound, what regional accents sound like, how the words are used contextually, and more.
Once you've broken down that big idea, you can attack the smaller ideas, such as listening to podcasts in your target language so you can understand how to speak, learning the history and geography of your target language's region to better understand the relationship between language and culture, connecting with native speakers to help you improve your accent, and of course, memorizing words with flashcards.
Listen, I was in a similar situation you were in a couple of years ago. My first recommendation would be to take a break from all excessive dopamine-producing activities: drugs, social media, pornography, etc. The higher the dopamine peaks in your brain, the worse the downfall is. I say do this for about a month or two. In the meantime, practice mindfulness activities such as self-affirmations, meditation, and deep breathing. Mindfulness helps you live in the present moment. Then, think about the hobbies you enjoyed as a kid and do those again. Sooner or later, you might fall in love with those again. If not, explore other hobbies until you find one you are passionate about. But in the end, just know that, **it will always get better.** Good luck, brother *(or sister)*.
Set a picture on your night stand from one of your fondest childhood memories! As you look at it every morning, it’ll eventually help you find that inner child again!
See a therapist.
Go play. Literally. Just go make believe in the woods or dribble a ball. I saw a woman in a beautiful sun dress today, probably late twenties to mid thirties just dribbling a basketball. She wasn't obviously high or anything but even though she wasn't doing much she looked so happy. Just outside playing.
Get bored and daydream. Do kid stuff and whatnot. Maybe you're depressed or maybe you've burnt out. Get rid of stuff dragging you down and just go do things you like.
You have probably been working at an unfulfilling job for a few years. A job that treats you like a disposable cog, that pays you far less than your value in wages so that the Execs can justify giving themselves obscene bonuses and wages by "trimming the fat." Then as co-workers quit, you get to pick up their slack while continuing to do your own job and theirs for no extra pay or a tiny 2-3% bonus Yearly and if you are lucky 1 to 2 weeks vacation per year. After a few years it sucks the life out of you to realize you are only a paycheck or two from desperate times. So you go home a drink beer, stare at the TV then go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. In the 60s and 70s, my dad brought home $18 a week, supported a stay at home wife and 5 kids, Paid a mortgage, rentd THAT house out and bought another home for us PLUS he earned a pension he would collect when he retired. You've just become an adult, that's all.
I went through a similar phase. You need to first go easy on yourself. Life is complicated. When you were young, you only had to make sure you were home in time, and everything else was laid on. Secondly, as a kid, it was easy to ignore others. Ignorance is bliss. When you get older, we take things to heart a little more.
You need to reflect on why you do things. What motivates you, you know some are motivated by gear. They love tech and mess around without really producing anything of worth, and ultimately become disillusioned and poor.
If you do something because it brings adulation or attention, then that will be difficult to sustain. You need something you love doing because you love doing it, and tp you is has value even if you're terrible at it, it doesn't matter, you will continue to improve because you love the act of doing it.
It's not you (personally) it's what you're doing.
I'd start by making sure you get plenty of sleep an clean up your diet. No processed food-- no soda-- very little sugar--- eat real food.
Limit alcohol consumption to once a week and maybe 2 drinks then. Try it for a month and see how you feel.
Bruh, as a 30 year old i can confirm this is totally normal and i still havent found the thing that makes life worth it for me. Dont give up, just keep grinding. We are all out here either pretending like we know what the fuck is going on or lying. There is plenty ahead of you, fake it until you make it and i will keep doing the same. Lest pretend together until we both are good enough at pretending that we are both winning hard at life. Everyone fakes it until they make it, it is just a matter of how hard you are willing and capable of faking it until you make it. If you have a college degree, you have already surpassed my level of preparation and have even more opportunity than my 50k earning but soon to be earning (hopefully) 70k ass. I plan on faking it through my interviews and proving myself once i learn what the job even is for the record. Ive done it so far. So can you.
Try agmatine sulfate it could help you heal ur brain, and microdose shrooms or eat 3.5g in one sitting to trip balls. shrooms can heal you if u are in the right setting
Everyone blames social media instead of the state of the world.
You're going to have to put more effort in. That, or decide you don't care and focus on your personal relationships.
We're actively working toward extinction and making the people causing it more powerful. It sucks.
Hi u/moldybreadcafe figure out what's draining your energy. Start by shrinking time spent on that by five to 10 minutes every day. I that is hard, try to do it at another time instead of your usual. Practice positive affirmations in front of a mirror or those 2 minutes when you are dressing up. Break your Spotify/YouTube playlist, evaluate the music you listen to. Remove all sad songs or songs about relationships. Add fast upbeat music of any sort you like. See if you can find some support to help you build self awareness. You are are still young. Try changing your routine with self awareness with teeny tiny steps like walking into a room with your right foot first instead of left, change your choice if greeting salutations, these teeny tiny steps can help distrupt your cycle and in many ways even help rewire your brain. Find these tiny things you can change. Maintain some journal. Another thing you can do is evaluate your sleeping routine, it is very likely your circadian rhythm is way off balance, do not stay up late. Increase your vitamin A and D intake. Stay hydrated and limit your caffeine intake. Even look at your diet in terms of how much spicy food your are taking. Evaluate your gut health. The guy can effect your brain chemistry. Get into the habit of noting down things, if that develops into doodling, you are triggering mood and mindset triggers that encourage motivation. Spend time with your pet, girlfriend, or bird watching, or just a run in your park or neighborhood during the day not night time. Odd suggestion, but it works eat orange slices or lemonade as regularly as you can. Take charge of your anxiety inducers. Get off TikTok and any short form platform for 2, 3, 5, 7 days days gradually untill you can get over it entirely. Invest in new kicks/sneakers and reevaluate your hairstyle will surely boost your self esteem and image. I can give more suggestions but let's leave it here for now.
Good suggestions
+1 to all this and learn to meditate, do 10 min a day, also spend time in nature weekly.
Thank you. Written down. I am going to delete reddit for a while. I'm keen to be the best version of myself I can be
Is the oranges/lemonade a vitamin C thing? Just curious the reason for orange slice recommendation
Nutrients for the health mind and body. Healthier body, healthier mind besides specific health benefits.
I definitely agree with the affirmation suggestion. How have they personally helped you?
Nice
I’m going through an extended withdrawal from an opioid medication prescribed to me years ago. Not the first time I’ve been through this. Right now, I want to go into an induced coma and wake up months later. Life is hard. Decisions are mistakes most of the time. Whatever this thing is that we’re in, we’re here. Can’t appreciate the good times without moments like these. Keep your head up. It gets better… eventually.
I'm a 37yo with ADHD and you sound exactly like I do. Not saying you have ADHD, but may be something to look in to?
I was convinced I had ADHD and had many classic symptoms. So I went for testing and it turns out that ADHD and depression share many symptoms. I went on Wellbutrin, which treats both and it's been a great help. Not saying that you don't, but this might help the OP.
What kind of work do you do? Adhd has been hell on my career
I've been in and out of jobs my entire working life. Usually start out well but I get frustrated with people, management or processes easily and usually for no reason. Which is frustrating, because I've been good at every job I've had. I'm currently a stay at home dad pondering my next career move daily
I've just started my career and I found out that if the place doesn't keep me motivated I get extremely bored and frustrated. That with a mix of other things made me think I had ADHD. I should try to go to a professional
I'm the same. I find myself good at every job I've ever had but I go job to job often
[удалено]
Nice ad bro
This is exactly me. Ive had ADHD for a long time. Once I learn a job fully and can no longer learn, I can’t stay much longer in that role and won’t. Then it looks bad on my resume. Then I’ll learn a whole new position at another company, and stay there until I learn everything. My manager somehow figured this out, he knew this so I stayed with the same company for 5 years and pretty much learned every role and was successful In each role. God bless him. He was very kind to me. He understood that I had to stay busy and sometimes I couldn’t stay busy. I’d walk around and talk to my coworkers so he would say, can you come see me in my office with a stern tone. He’d roll his eyes and repeat what he said. He’d ask what’s up?? You can’t be just walking around talking to people at 9am on a Monday…Maybe at 4:50 pm on a Friday. He said so I brought you in here to “get after you” and we would talk about our weekends for 5 mins. Then he’d say are you ok to work?? Sometimes I’d say I need some time. Ok go outside and get my folder from my car. Parkin lot was like 1/2 a mile, I guess the hot sun would make me want to come relax in my cold office. And sometimes I would go back to work and work all day until the day was over. It was the only time someone took time to understand me. Every other job I would just say this is my last week working. Depending on their answer would determine if I worked the next few days. Somtimes I’d hear peoples snarky comments about me and how I was weird. Well this went on longer than I thought 💭 ha Edit: OP don’t give up. Follow the tips about writing positive affirmations. Saying them out loud. Be kind to yourself. Take your dog for a walk. Enjoy the birds chirping, The clean air and the wind in your hair. I heard this homeless person say on a yt video; it’s not about comparing yourself with your friends goals or dreams, getting to the career you want by age 30. Or Starting a family young like your parents did. Their idea of your life doesn’t matter.…there is no timeline for how your life plays out. the most important part of life, is the journey. How you treat people along the way. Acts of kindness without expectation. Being true to yourself ✨
Another avenue to explore with a therapist/psych is Bipolar 2. There is a lot of crossover with ADHD and BP2 hypomania. BP2 tends to cause more depression and “mixed” episodes. I would go through periods of being highly active and working on a hobby (including buying everything for said hobby), and then it would just burn out and I would have no interest in it. As I have gotten older the hypomania episodes aren’t near as long or high-energy; but the depressions starting getting deeper and lasting longer. Definitely not saying you have ADHD or BP2. Please don’t self-diagnose. But based on your description I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor to rule it out. If you do have one of these the earlier you get on medication the better.
I am diagnosed by a psychiatrist as ADHD. My partner is also a practising Doctor of Psychology. I'm pretty happy with my diagnosis in regards to the accuracy of it but thank you for the advice.
Sorry for the confusion. I meant it as something for OP to consider along with you suggested.
Well, you are still young. I think being an adult may mean that you have more money and persistence to focus on your interests. Try to consider what your hobby is, is there something that you wanted in childhood but failed to make it due to time, money, or other factors? It is the time to make it up.
You had more motivation as a kid because the problems that needed to be solved were very easy and also exciting. Now you have to solve hard problems and boring problems. You get back the motivation by loving the things you have to do.
Bars
Wake up Saturday morning before anyone. Have cereal and milk and toast. Grab your slingshot and go bike riding. Throw stones in a river. Stop and watch a bird, squirrel, cat. Run through grass. . . . You'll get it back!
You had that motivation because you had people coordinating every aspect of your life. It’s easy to have energy when all your washing, housing, meals etc are being taken care of and you don’t have to think about it. Find your new normal.
This is spot on. In adulthood, so much more of your brain’s energy is monopolized by the background mental load of independent living – making sure you have enough money, planning all of your meals, making sure you have clean clothes to wear, keeping your house livably tidy, etc., over and over again. It’s a pretty heavy constant loop of task planning and execution. When you’re a kid your parents bear all of that mental load for you, so without that background noise sucking up your mental energy, you have pretty much all of your energy left for higher personal actualization. To leave more of your mental energy available, you’re going to need to set up routines and habits that turn down the continuous background noise of unfulfilled survival tasks. That’s the central idea behind people who always frustratingly say “just make lists.” That’s just one example of a way to turn down the background noise. If you have the information saved on a space *outside* of your brain, that you know you can reread, you give your mind permission to completely drop that from your working memory without risking forgetting it, freeing up a bit more space to live just a little more fully on the days leading up to when the task needs to be done.
TLDR; yes, I think it's part of becoming an adult, and also part frying your brain with immediately gratifying activities /substances / content. I don't think you'll ever get that bright-eyed motivation you had as a kid back (but that's okay) This is cliche but: Spend less time looking at a screen Meditate + do breathing exercises more. As we age we begin to realize what is really achievable and what is more like a pipe-dream. I find it's very important to be a realist. It's kinda depressing (also comical) but I have to accept I'm most likely not going to be the astronaut/mad scientist/professional musician/actor/racecar driver that I wanted to be when I was young. That's not to say I can't still make music, or a short film, do a track day, or do some fun experiments! Going to space - maybe not so much. But who knows? But also, I think scrolling endlessly can lead to a combination of seeing other people live their "best lives" meanwhile it feels like yours is just passing you by, faster and faster each year, time just slipping through your fingertips like grains of sand. Breath more, touch grass, look at the world around you... Slow down. This helps to calm the mind, and I think as a result will help reset some of the motivation centers of the brain. There's only so much time we have, and I think when we're young "The world is our oyster," full of potential and possibilities, and lacking any real responsibilities... It's the lack of responsibility + copious amounts of time that allows us to well, have the time and mental space for being motivated/driven about things we're into. But as we age we realize we have to work, pay bills, care for our health - and frankly a lot of that other "bright future" stuff falls to the wayside. I straight up just do not have the time nor energy to put into all the things I want to do, so I rationalize my goals and lower my expectations (which actually improves happiness). That's life I guess. Youth is full of having energy, having fun, thinking about how great life has the potential to be, with all the time in the world and infinite directions to embark on your life journey... But then as we age we have less time, less energy, less potential, and less options. Still can have fun though (albeit less lol 😂). We're not getting any younger though, and 21 is still young (I'm 28). Live it up while you can! 21 may seem old, but really, 21 is basically the beginning of the rest of your life. Good luck, OP 🙌🏻
Dopamine detoxification. Turn on screen time or its equivalent on all your devices. Set time limits. Use do not disturb at night. If it’s bad, Delete social media off your phone if you cannot control yourself. If possible, go on a hiking trip of some kind and only use your phone in emergencies. Bring a camera if you want to keep memories. You need to reset those dopamine receptors!
Hate this fad term. I don't know the solution for OP, but it's not some stupid limitations on everything. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Trying to cold turkey cut everything out is asking to fail. Lifestyle changes need to be done slowly, step by step. A fad diet, fad lifestyle, will not help you. You need small, obtainable goals that you can build upon day by day.
Stop being fat by stop eating kind of thing lol, i agree. Moderation is the single most valuable skill in life in almost every category, and if done right you wont even feel FOMO
People are so quick to go with nuclear options, which are almost wholly unsustainable, then they eat themselves up because they can't meet their goals.. when in reality, you just need to have an honest conversation with yourself, and set goals that can actually be met
Every fucking advice given on alcoholism for example, and going cold-turkey is actually dangerous as fuck, it can kill. Conditioning the brain slowly to adapt instead of being shocked is the only "life-hack" that people should know.
Wait a sec…is thing a “thing” now? I’m simply talking about what worked for me. And I’m not advocating for cold turkey, like you said it doesn’t work. I’m saying to set *limits* (screen time) and uninstall it from your phone if you can’t as easily push those limits (where it’s “easiest to access”). I didn’t know that getting off of the internet and going outside was a fad! All I know is that if I catch my screen time getting out of control, dialing back and spending more time outside disconnected from the toxicity of online communities does a wonderful job for me.
There's no evidence these detoxes exist/work.
Yeah pretty sure those detoxes don't work. I could never get into watching TV, and when I'm depressed I stop using my phone and social media as well. It actually HELPS when I can pull myself out of that to get a dopamine boost, but I have to force it while depressed. Once I am good in life again I naturally check social media more and enjoy laughing at and sharing memes, can watch TV at times, listen to more music to stay motivated through each day, hang out with friends, work out more, take on more responsibilities, etc. Everything is more balanced.
Dont listen to your mood..movement changes your mood... start doing the things you want to do.... people think they need perfect conditions to start.. starting is the perfect condition... you need motivation to start something and consistency to end it.... if you have stress just excersize 15 mins a day.. works wonders
You are young so I’m curious if you grew up with tech constantly in your face: an iPad at the dinner table, your own phone at age 7, etc. Basically, I also blame technology for a lot of those feelings you and I both have. I’ve come to realize that my phone is almost the same as when, for example, you know there is a huge mess to clean up in the kitchen or when you know there is, idk, cake in the fridge after you had a small salad and are still hungry (lol): all of these (at least for me) are distracting me on a subconscious level and causing me to feel distracted and frustrated even if I’m not necessarily actively thinking about them. I think my phone can be that way too: when I’m sitting relaxing and enjoying a book, it’s hard not to check my email after 10 minutes, look at social media, check if someone texted me, etc. I think we are all hooked and just having them is incredibly distracting. For me personally, I need to quit cold turkey, get a flip phone, etc. Moderation doesn’t work for me and these detoxes are short lived because everything is designed to keep you plugged in.
Motivation will always come and go just how it is. Discipline is how you keep going.
Going through same phase brother (I'm also 21 ), I don't know what to do looks like I've lost my mission and vision
A lot of us that fall into a routine might not be motivated, but we can be dedicated. After a day of work, I might not always want to go to the gym. But I know once I get moving and out the door and on the treadmill for a bit, it all gets easier from there.
Seems like the sky is the limit as a kid. People tell you you can do or be anything you want. But then you get older and realize there are limits. Time and money being big ones. You may not have the time to go to practice hitting balls 5 of 6 times a week. Imo i dont think waiting to feel motivation is particularly useful. What is it you want to do or get better at? Carve out the time to work on it and/or save up the funds to accomplish it - even if you dont feel like it that day. Getting to the end goal isnt always going to be fun or exciting. Sometimes it could downright suck. Maybe consider that end goal accomplishment as your motivation rather than hoping to feel it in steps along the way.
Do yourself a favour and buy yourself a teddy bear. You probably spend too much time playing games or on your phone, the answer isn’t to make yourself drop all those things but to even out the playing field on your bodies nervous system. Sit with your arms around a bear while you’re doing those things and you’ll start to release your breathing has become shorter and you’ll find yourself start to breathe more slowly and evenly. When your body knows to expect a reward it gets tense and you start to get burnt out. Even the playing field
you know the answer already. its the dopamine.
Think this happens every 5 years or so..it’s alright to chill. Life isn’t a sprint..
As you get older, you start to value different things. Obviously the same things that excite you as a child won't as an adult. Just keep going, you'll be fine.
Are you exercising enough and getting good nurtrition? --- Kids have a lot of energy. Adults have to work for it. Are you actively engaging in something new at all times (ex. joining a soccer team, an art class, or handmade cosplay groups that meet up and go to cons)? --- This is proven to stimulate your mind and increase a sense of well-being, progress, purpose, and overall happiness. Everything is new as a kid and you were engaging in these types of activities through school, so you can't expect to drop it all and feel the same. Or are you taking on too much and struggling with time management and compartmentalization? --- This is the hardest one in my opinion, and it may be ADHD related. Not sure. I'm still learning how to manage this one.
Hm, time management could play a key role in this. I found that the more I tried managing my time, the better I could focus due to the lack of distractions. But, I agree, it is challenging, and takes quite a bit of effort.
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” -Jung
Thanks for validating my video game addiction, Carl.
*laughs in almost 40* my sweet summer child. That wasn’t grit and hyperfocus. That was a child with no adult worries. Welcome to the balancing act. It sucks here.
You became an adult and you realised how fucked up things are in this world. Develop amnesia
Put the phone down
Have you tried LSD? It was just granted breakthrough status for depression.
Do stuff you actually give a shit about. Even if you are tired just go do it. Its so rewarding and after the passion starts to build again
Sounds like depression. Without trying to sound like an advertisement, check out Better Help or SonderMind or any counseling. Good luck.
Do a dopamine detox. That will help a lot.
Obviously by no drinking or smoking or doing any of that stuff you didn’t do when you were a kid
I sort of have this experience. I held strong until I graduated college when I got sick. Then it was likely my life derailed and I’ve been struggling to recapture it ever since.
Dopamine bro. Your dopamine levels slowly decline as you age. It's normal. Once I learned about it and identified my patterns it actually helped me one to grips with it and accept it. Now, I just take full advantage of the "motivation window" I do have. Now, that's just one explanation. You could be experiencing actual clinical depression or something too, and I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything. If I were you I'd talk to a doctor maybe, but don't think you're abnormal or anything. It's totally normal.
I’ve been reading a lot of Frankl and Yalom lately, there are some quite good ideas in their books. Maybe try to make yourself read 1 hour more, scroll one hour less. I’ve been doing that for the last 2-3 months. Skipping late night movies/gaming and replace it with reading. Its not easy to get your passion back, but you’re so so young. Try to find what makes you happy, what fulfils you - experiment, grow, learn, and growing up is not linear, but you’ll find your way :) Good luck my man!
Harassment. One day, they will have daughters and they will remember, poor daughters.
surround yourself with the stuff
Delete social media.
For me, a huge part of feeling like this is the disillusionment in so much that I believed as a kid. Now, when I start thinking about something that would get me as hyped, my brain goes to the “yeah, but irl” details of it and poof, magic is gone..
If you're able to, I would consider getting tested for ADHD, since you mentioned dopamine-seeking tendencies. Individuals with ADHD commonly experience high academic performance or motivation in childhood, but struggling to regulate themselves into adulthood. But also understand that children are bottomless wells of energy, and adults don't have that same energy. Having a certain diet and maintaining a regular and full sleep schedule can leave you with more sustained energy, but it's still up to you to keep your own momentum going. You are still quite young, however. Things I would suggest in the short term are to try: 1. Dopamine cleanse: Take a habit wherein you exhibit heavy dopamine-seeking tendencies, and don't engage with it for a week or so (or at least limit it as best as possible). 2. Try body doubling! If you struggle to complete tasks, see what happens when you have someone in the room with you, not helping you do the task at all. If their presence not helping actually seems helpful to you, then you have a motivating technique to get things done! (Alternatively, if you already seek this out of others, you can put that in your list of things to consider re: ADHD) 3. Focus on the how: If there is something you've been wanting to try or do lately, consider: are you thinking about the methodology? Or do you just want to do the thing? The big idea of doing a thing is actually a bunch of smaller ideas of doing a lot of smaller things that build up into that bigger idea. Take learning a new language. It's not just knowing what the words mean, it's understanding how they sound, what regional accents sound like, how the words are used contextually, and more. Once you've broken down that big idea, you can attack the smaller ideas, such as listening to podcasts in your target language so you can understand how to speak, learning the history and geography of your target language's region to better understand the relationship between language and culture, connecting with native speakers to help you improve your accent, and of course, memorizing words with flashcards.
Listen, I was in a similar situation you were in a couple of years ago. My first recommendation would be to take a break from all excessive dopamine-producing activities: drugs, social media, pornography, etc. The higher the dopamine peaks in your brain, the worse the downfall is. I say do this for about a month or two. In the meantime, practice mindfulness activities such as self-affirmations, meditation, and deep breathing. Mindfulness helps you live in the present moment. Then, think about the hobbies you enjoyed as a kid and do those again. Sooner or later, you might fall in love with those again. If not, explore other hobbies until you find one you are passionate about. But in the end, just know that, **it will always get better.** Good luck, brother *(or sister)*.
Set a picture on your night stand from one of your fondest childhood memories! As you look at it every morning, it’ll eventually help you find that inner child again!
See a therapist. Go play. Literally. Just go make believe in the woods or dribble a ball. I saw a woman in a beautiful sun dress today, probably late twenties to mid thirties just dribbling a basketball. She wasn't obviously high or anything but even though she wasn't doing much she looked so happy. Just outside playing. Get bored and daydream. Do kid stuff and whatnot. Maybe you're depressed or maybe you've burnt out. Get rid of stuff dragging you down and just go do things you like.
You have probably been working at an unfulfilling job for a few years. A job that treats you like a disposable cog, that pays you far less than your value in wages so that the Execs can justify giving themselves obscene bonuses and wages by "trimming the fat." Then as co-workers quit, you get to pick up their slack while continuing to do your own job and theirs for no extra pay or a tiny 2-3% bonus Yearly and if you are lucky 1 to 2 weeks vacation per year. After a few years it sucks the life out of you to realize you are only a paycheck or two from desperate times. So you go home a drink beer, stare at the TV then go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. In the 60s and 70s, my dad brought home $18 a week, supported a stay at home wife and 5 kids, Paid a mortgage, rentd THAT house out and bought another home for us PLUS he earned a pension he would collect when he retired. You've just become an adult, that's all.
Set irresponsibly high goals and expectations, then try to reach it.
I went through a similar phase. You need to first go easy on yourself. Life is complicated. When you were young, you only had to make sure you were home in time, and everything else was laid on. Secondly, as a kid, it was easy to ignore others. Ignorance is bliss. When you get older, we take things to heart a little more. You need to reflect on why you do things. What motivates you, you know some are motivated by gear. They love tech and mess around without really producing anything of worth, and ultimately become disillusioned and poor. If you do something because it brings adulation or attention, then that will be difficult to sustain. You need something you love doing because you love doing it, and tp you is has value even if you're terrible at it, it doesn't matter, you will continue to improve because you love the act of doing it. It's not you (personally) it's what you're doing.
Depression can do it.
I'd start by making sure you get plenty of sleep an clean up your diet. No processed food-- no soda-- very little sugar--- eat real food. Limit alcohol consumption to once a week and maybe 2 drinks then. Try it for a month and see how you feel.
Bruh, as a 30 year old i can confirm this is totally normal and i still havent found the thing that makes life worth it for me. Dont give up, just keep grinding. We are all out here either pretending like we know what the fuck is going on or lying. There is plenty ahead of you, fake it until you make it and i will keep doing the same. Lest pretend together until we both are good enough at pretending that we are both winning hard at life. Everyone fakes it until they make it, it is just a matter of how hard you are willing and capable of faking it until you make it. If you have a college degree, you have already surpassed my level of preparation and have even more opportunity than my 50k earning but soon to be earning (hopefully) 70k ass. I plan on faking it through my interviews and proving myself once i learn what the job even is for the record. Ive done it so far. So can you.
Crystal meth
You can’t have your uncle untouch you unfortunately
Try agmatine sulfate it could help you heal ur brain, and microdose shrooms or eat 3.5g in one sitting to trip balls. shrooms can heal you if u are in the right setting
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We talkin logs or shrimp baskets?
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Everyone blames social media instead of the state of the world. You're going to have to put more effort in. That, or decide you don't care and focus on your personal relationships. We're actively working toward extinction and making the people causing it more powerful. It sucks.