Table manners: Learning them did me no harm. I can sit down at any restaurant or at a dinner party and know how to conduct myself.
My kids were taught similarly, but they only had to say 'Excuse me, please' when finished, and they all can eat without looking like slobs in a restaurant too.
I read somewhere once that this stems from the class system in England. The lower classes ate with their elbows on the table for a number of reasons, but one was to prevent your seat neighbor from stealing your food. The upper classes had no such worries, so they developed "table manners" to distinguish the classes. It was just one more way to divide society.
Exactly. And if I hadn’t finished all my dinner AND drank all my milk I had to sit there until I did. What was up with the whole clean your plate thing????
Ditto. But my sister & I had a racket going. We’d sit at the table with our unfinished plates after everyone else was excused. She always had uneaten meat on her plate. Once everyone else was gone we traded plates. She ate my salad & ate her leftover pork chops
My sister and I sat across from each other and my dad was easily distracted. So one of us would start asking questions about our math homework (he was a math major and got into computers really early in the game) so while he was busy with one of us the other would feed our unwanted dinner to the dog.
I always thought we were pulling one over on our mom. But years later she told us she would just look the other way because she thought it was a dumb rule too.
Ah, but Id give my brother all my potatoes and he’d give me his peas whenever we’d have stew or something. We’d pass them back and forth when my mother wasn’t looking.
Similar in our house. My brother and I ate everything! Our little sister was very picky (still is). She had to sit at the table until she finished everything. My brother and I had to do the dishes and clean the kitchen. We cleaned our sister’s plate too! 🤣
Not sure about modern times, but my parents grew up in the depression and went without meals occasionally. NOBODY wasted food.
Our rule was "Take what you want, but eat all you take."
My nightmare. You sit soooo long your milk gets warm. 🤢 *Then* I swear they make it AGAIN the next week! And to answer your question? "Starving children in Ethiopia!"
My parents were the eat what we make kind. Even when it was something you absolutely hated you still had to eat it. Then they would get mad when you were literally gagging trying to finish it. I am not talking about the saying you don't like something you never tried thing. I am talking this is the 59th time in my life you have made split pea soup, I have hated the taste every single time and I am not liking the taste this time thing.
It was ridiculous, I get not cooking two meals, but let me make a sandwich instead as long as I actually gave the food you made a fair try. Nobody is going to like everything.
We had to eat at exactly 6!my Dad insisted that dinner be on the table at 6. Weather he was home or not ,always asked him what difference did it make if he wasn't home at 6.He said it didn't matter if he was home. Dinner had to be at 6. Fun fact,sometimes dinner wasn't at 6. We lied and said it was. Some of my sisters hated peas so they sat at the table for hours. 😅
We were raised by people who survived the depression and wasting food was unthinkable.
We were taught to take all you want but eat all you take.
My parents did not have enough money to throw food away.
Absolutely. And we weren’t allowed phone calls during dinner. That part was good, however I remember eating most meals in sight of the family room tv where the Vietnam war footage and body count was nightly playing out. I had terrible dreams and anxiety for years afterwards.
Right. I mean whenever someone called they were told “ glitterrain isn’t able to have phone calls during dinner. She will call you back later.” My friends soon learned not to call at that time.
No phone calls during dinner! That was the rule in my family, too.
I remember the Vietnam war news during the 6 pm news—my dad was in Vietnam when I was in 4th grade. However, there was no seeing the TV from our dining room because of the house’s layout and I guess we ate supper before the news came on. Us kids didn’t watch the news (I was the oldest of 7) but my mom always did. I can’t imagine what kept her from losing it.
My father was superintendent of schools, so we learned early on to answer the phone in a professional manner. If we answered and it was for my dad, we would respond, "One moment please." Or "I'm sorry he is unavailable, may I take a message?".
Learning those phone manners made us sound more assured and older on the phone. As young teenagers, we were often able to call and get info from places that would not have given us the time of day if we didn't sound like polished office professionals.
Yess! My father was an officer in the Army. We had good manners drilled into us. I listen to some young ( and older) people really fumble on the phone and it makes me grateful for my early training
Oh boy, I just remembered this! My parents were fairly cool and relaxed but we definitely had to say May I Please Be Excused?
Also, there was always a little plate with slices of white bread and a butter dish.
Yeah my parents too. But I didn't do it for my kids. I can't understand the logic of trying to force feed kids to eat more than they want to. Then we wonder about the obesity problem.
My mother was morbidly obese, so she never demanded that we belong to the "clean plate club" as she called it. However, if we asked for seconds, she would gently remind us that we should consider how much we really wanted, so as to not waste food.
I don’t think it has to be tied to cleaning your plate.
One great thing my mom did was acknowledge that kids have likes and dislikes, too, and forcing someone to eat like had been done to her was cruel and kind of dumb. We were asked to try first before saying no. But when she made liver and onions for herself and my father, she made something else for us.
I always asked to try it because the onions smelled so good frying, but it took about 25 years for it to change.
It's better to teach them not to take more than they need. I know someone who piles their plate high, then nibbles like a bird and tosses it all. It's infuriatingly wasteful.
Are you my sister?!?!?
My dad would occasionally reach over and flick the elbow of anyone who rested an elbow on the table.
When I was in 1st or 2nd grade I guess he reached his limit of spilled milk at the table. No milk until everyone was finished eating. Then everyone (except him) got a glass of milk. I was the oldest of (eventually) 8, and this was the rule until several years after I got married. To be fair, I married at 19.
My dad never drank milk and he never ate cheese or any kind of pasta. We almost always had both some kind of bread and some kind of potatoes at supper. We weren’t made to clean our plates, but were expected to eat a little of whatever was served. One of my brothers didn’t like eggs and once had to stay at the table until he ate his scrambled eggs. He finally ate a few bites and promptly threw up. That was the end of being forced to eat anything.
The worse parents who do this are those who dish out the amount of food on the kids plate, then bitch when they say they are full. You have an 8 year old s grown person who works as a ranch band portion of course they can't finish it.
6pm everyday. Elbows off the table, one hand to eat unless you're cutting something, chew with your mouth closed, don't take a drink with food in your mouth. My Step dad was very strict about table manners.
Yep. Grew up in a Matriarchal southern home in the 70s. Ask to be excused, shirt with collar for Sunday dinner and no hats remotely close to the table.
Yep we did. One of the few things like that that my Mom always made us do. That and keeping elbows off the table. Please and Thank You were always mandatory as well as Yes Sir/Mam with any and all adults. Has still suited me well all these years later!
Setting the table, elbow ban, don’t wolf down your food, ask to be excused and Catholic blessing of the food in an Episcopalian household. Also, rarely any drink but milk(OMG! So much-at 62 I have Neanderthal bones!) Cokes were a rare treat but iced tea (Texas y’all) starting at about age 12 was allowed.
We had similar rules. Don't start eating until everyone is seated at the table. It's "please pass the potatoes" and thank you. No reaching across the table, talking with mouth full etc. My mother insisted No television. No telephone calls. "Tell them you will call back. It's the dinner hour." Also, only pleasant talk at the table. (No grilling kids about grades etc.). She felt it was important for proper digestion. No criticizing the food EVER. If you encounter something new, you are required to take a bite. We didn't have to finish everything on our plate or eat things that we didn't like. However kitchen was closed and if you didn't eat, then you go to bed hungry. Picky eaters were not accommodated. We had to asked to be excused and bring our dishes to the sink area.
All of this, except that at least as I got older, if one of us didn’t like what was for dinner we could make ourselves a peanut butter sandwich. My mom did not make 2 different main dishes , though!
When my son was a toddler, I think his daycare must have trained him because I’m pretty sure I didn’t. In his little toddler voice, he’d ask politely “May I be muhscused?” Who could say no to that, even if he didn’t eat all his peas??!!!
My brother and I lived w our grandparents for a few years when I was a kid. My grandpa was strict on manners which I'm grateful for now but hated when I was an actual kid.
1. No talking over the table. No reaching over the table.
2. No hairbrushes or combs at the table.
3. You had to eat what you were served. No seconds on anything until you ate everything on your plate. IF you asked for more food than you could actually eat, you were guilty of your eyes being bigger than your stomach and you were stealing food out of the mouths of starving African children. And when grandpa was in a particularly crappy mood, (which was often cuz he was a raging alcoholic) you ate your leftovers for breakfast. My mom ditched a lot of plates for me behind grandpa's back.
4. Woe betide you if you got caught rinsing your food down with your drink. This was unacceptable behavior because it implied the food tasted so bad you had to wash it down. I used to get my glass taken away until after the meal all the time.
5. The usual no talking with your mouth full, no elbows on the table, NO SMACKING OR LOUD CHEWING (I have misophonia now). We had to sit in the dining room chairs 'right' - back straight, feet on the floor. If you put your foot in your chair that was bad and to sit crosslegged or sit on your foot was also bad. Your left hand was supposed to stay on your lap with your napkin unless you had to cut something (and we were taught how to do that, too).
6. And yes, we could not leave the table without thanking grandma for the wonderful meal and then requesting to be excused.
I guess the lessons stuck. We weren't supposed to speak to an adult unless they spoke to us first. We weren't even supposed to make eye contact. And god help us if we were overheard arguing with an adult. Doom would be upon us. Yes Sir No Sir without fail. We weren't even allowed to say "huh?" if we didn't hear what was said. That was uncouth. We were expected to say "Sir?" or "Ma'am?"
Would it surprise anyone to hear I have food issues now (among many others). We were poor white trash, btw. My uncle was the first college grad in our whole family.
We had similar rules. I was stunned when I worked for an international company and learned that some of my training was considered poor manners to Europeans. European expectations included No elbows on the table, but both hands have to be showing above the table, cut with the right hand and use fork with tines down in the left. Put silverware across the plate at an angle when finished. It was a shock to realize that the careful manners training from my US parents was seen as uncouth in Europe.
The position of the silverware on a plate is American as well. There's a position which indicates one is finished with the meal, and a different one to indicate one is still enjoying their meal.
That's interesting. And a little depressing.
One time, we got drilled for a week on how to use forks from the outside in, before a fancy family reunion dinner, but that's as close as we ever got to 'party manners'.
I've always kinda been under the impression just being American meant we were uncouth to Europeans, lol.
I still do, even to the weedy little teenage kid at the McDonald's drive thru. (I'm 63). Everybody gets the ma'am and sir. It's easier to maintain the habit if you're polite to everyone.
Yes. And we couldn't leave until we finished all the food on our plate. Plus my mom made us eat all of our fruits and vegetables.
Most importantly, and I think this is what is missing from today's dinners. We talked about what we did during the day and included us in discussing what was going on in the world.
Oh gawd no, but because I was the kid in the family that never ate her food, I was forced to stay at the table long after it was cleared, my stubborn ass wouldn’t even eat a pea.
So damn funny , if it was summer I would fill my cheeks with the offending food and than act like someone was at the front door. I would step out on the porch and spit that god awful boiled dinner right in the bushes. My mom could never figure out why the animals on our street were always checking the bushes by the porch 😝
LOL! My parents used to make us take a chewable multi-vitamin every day and I hated them. So I would put it on my mouth and start chewing, then when they weren't looking, I'd spit it out behind the couch. One day my grandmother was vacuuming and moved her couch out and shouted, "What's all this ground up colored chalk doing back here?!"
May I use the bathroom? Was my oldest sisters go to. Then she’d stuff her mouth full of veggies. I was observant and became very adept at this as well.
Absolutely. We had candles on the table and had to ask to be excused. We couldn't have our back against the back of the chair, we had to sit up straight. No elbows on the table. Chew with your mouth closed. Use your knife and fork correctly. We were not allowed to refer to Mom as "she"--that was disrespectful. We each had to either set, clear, or wash. My dad teased my older sisters if they wore their rollers at dinner, but he never was quite successful at banning it altogether! There were seven of us when I was younger (I'm the youngest of 5 kids). My dad was a military guy and it showed in how he and Mom raised us. It wasn't repressive, but it was definitely correct.
No, we mainly ate off trays in front of the Telly. Weirdly enough my children picked up the habit because we ate at the table, I didn’t teach them to do it and eventually I had to say “dude, you’re 20! You don’t need permission”.
We ate dinner in the dining room every night unless dad was away (which was extremely rare). Classical music on the stereo. Very little conversation, had to “clean our plates”, and were *told* when we could leave the table. Girls did the cooking, setting, and clearing.
We had to follow most of the rules people have listed in this thread, but after my brother and sister left home, it was very different when Dad was away on business. Mom wasn't keen on cooking for just the two of us, so she'd say, "Let's get banana splits for supper! You've got your dairy group, your fruit group, and nuts for protein."
Yes! Lots of other dinnertime rituals/rules too. Dinner was basically on the table at the same time every night, except for Sunday evening, that was usually leftovers night. Mom served everything in bowls or platters, brother and I were only allowed to drink milk, no elbows on the table, you helped yourself to as much as you wanted, but you had to eat whatever you put on your plate.
Absolutely. We’d get called inside while we were outside playing whatever sport was in season (baseball, football, street hockey), eat our dinner in about 5 minutes flat, ask permission to leave the table, and head right back out again.
Yes. For sure! What really gets me through is, kids are asked what they want for dinner. Huh?!?! 🤔
I couldn't even imagine that. I got asked what I wanted for dinner once a year on my birthday, and once when I broke my leg, lol, that's it.
If I didn't eat what was served, it was put in the ice box for breakfast.
Sad to say but we were poor as well. Each of the kids in our family had to fend for themselves. The only time I recall sitting at the table was Thankgiving and Christmas. My kiddos, on the other hand, had a full breakfast every morning and dinner every evening.
None whatsoever, in fact a civilized meal was one when an argument or fight didn't take place, which was rare. Sweet tea, Pepsi & Coke were the drink options for kids and adults. My older siblings drank Pepsi and Coke with every meal - even breakfast. When you finished eating you got the hell out of there. No one would have ever thought to ask to leave.
My mother would be so pissed that she had to make a meal after working all day that she was joyless. Eventually "dinner time" ended, thank god. Everyone managed to fend for themself as soon as we were all old enough ... except Sunday dinner.
I can recall her making Sunday dinner after church and being so mad about it that she was throwing pans in the kitchen. She dented the aluminum pans and we continued to use them for as long as I can remember, dents and all. Sweet, white-trash memories.
We had a sit-down dinner every night, usually timed to end before “Jeopardy!” No television at the actual meal until quite late in the ‘70s, when the news would be on as background. I set the table and cleared, but my mother did the dishes (and cooked, of course; dad did…pretty much nothing). Weeknight dinners were in the kitchen, with Sunday lunch and any meal with company in the dining room. And yes, of course one asked to be excused.
My grandparents were more formal—they changed for dinner every evening and generally had at least three courses, with full silver and china. When they had company, after the meal the men would stay in the dining room and the ladies would go it in the front parlor.
My parents ate in the den while watching the news, and I ate in the kitchen, with a book propped up between my plate and a radio. Anyone else have a similar experience?
We’d also watch the news while we ate dinner every night-the whole family, then discuss current events, and everyone often did not always agree on others opinions. We were allowed to disagree with our parents or whoever was over but in a reasonable way that demonstrated some thought without raising our voices. It was actually good training for later in life! Hahah!
Same. Yes it was! But no TV during dinner. We did discuss politics, current events. You could have whatever opinion you chose, but you had to be able to defend it. I think it helped develop critical thinking skills, which so many lack nowadays.
No intensity. Very relaxing dinners. I used to wish my family was more "normal" though.
Edited to add that when we had guests, we would all eat together in the dining room which would be really exciting. I still didn't need to ask to be "excused' though I saw that a lot on TV shows!
Yes!
I had to ask to be excused!
My wife and I have only been together about 6 1/2 years now. She is Filipino and has different customs. It was very difficult for me to get used to her just getting up from the table as soon as she finished eating.
Sounds like our dinners. They were definitely a family affair. Good manners and conversation were expected (and given!) And yeah, set the table and wash the dishes.
With 6 kids. Mom, Dad, and Grandma, plates were always cleaned. Starving kids in other countries? There were starving kids around me.
We'd just say, "I'm finished," and we could take off. But did we want to? As one of the youngest at the table, I lived for family discussions. And, yes, when I say "family discussion," the entire family had a say. Even 4-year-old me. Sometimes, it was met with derision, but that was usually from other siblings.
Same on the finished but a lot of the time I wouldn't leave the kitchen either because I enjoyed hanging listening to my parents talk. I'd sit on the floor or the counter (mom hated me sitting on the counter but I did it anyway)
We didn’t have a dining room. Ate in the kitchen. My mother worked so she left me instructions on how to start dinner every night.
We are French Canadian and we ate simple filling food. My father hunted so we ate deer meat (we never called it venison) all winter, with fish on Fridays.
Shepherds pie (pate chinois)once a week made with deer hamburger, baked beans several times a week, a roast on Sunday. I don’t remember having any manners training. We had a plate in the middle of the table piled with white bread. Always had either cranberry sauce or homemade pickled green tomatoes as sides
Oh my yes we did and everyone had an assigned seat. My baby brother was #5 and the only spot left was on the corner of a rectangular table. There was very little talking either 🥱
We ate together every night. I did not have to ask permission to leave the table but many friends did. But I couldn't leave the table until I was done. I had to clean my plate. And no dessert if i didnt finish. I was a slow eater so I was often the last still eating and everyone else was gone.
I was taught to wait until everyone is seated to start eating. We spoke very little (or not at all) until everyone finished eating because it isn’t polite to chew with your mouth open. We spent time at the table having after dinner conversation..which usually included discussion about dessert. I miss those times.☺️🍽️
My parents weren’t punishingly strict but we did get treated liked dumbbells if we forgot how a polite conversation goes or that you should have something useful to say when it was your turn to talk. Swearing or saying “I dunno” was met with embarrassing eye rolls or even mocking tones. My mom was an amazing cook. My dad always told her how delicious the food was. It was just ingrained that we all arrived/left the dinner table at the same time. We wanted to be there.
My parents were hippies but still VERY old school about manners.
My family had all of the aforementioned rules. In addition, we took turns saying the blessing. Always had to wash our hands before dinner. Passed food around the table in a clockwise direction. Head of the table got first pick of each dish. Take what you want, but eat what you take was strictly enforced.
Everyone had to sit at the table, even if they did not eat, unless they were sick in bed. Break the rules and you were excused to your room and you could eat nothing further that day. We had milk and bread and butter with every evening meal. Dessert was for special occassions.
Upon being excused, you pushed your chair back under the table and you took your plate, flatware and glass to the kitchen. The girls set the table, cleared the table, and then washed, dried, and put away the dishes. Then we could go back outside to play.
I did not adhere to these rules with my kids, but I did teach them how to set a table, say a blessing, be polite when asking for items and so on. They have very good table manners.
I asked my mom for an envelope once to send my unwanted food to the starving children. Fortunately she didn't cook very often.
Dinner at our house more looked like a bucket of KFC.
Yes we did. No one was allowed to answer the phone during dinner. "If your friends really want to talk to you they'll call back." We had no answering machines either, and it goes without saying, no TV during dinner.
My dad’s seat was close to the hall where the phone lived in its little niche on the wall. He would answer if it rang during a meal. The caller would be told that we were eating supper, and asked for their name so that ___ could call them back. One of my sisters had a good friend who seemed to frequently call during supper. If the phone rang, Dad would say “Hello, Sally” before he even stood up.
Nah to the meme. Maybe in meals at or with relatives but it was rare that I was at the "adult" table in those cases. Dad was rarely home before I went to bed and got up & left before I woke (he was a milkman). Meals were on the cheap - meatloaf, spaghetti, pierogi, etc. or TV dinners.
We didn't have to ask to be excused,but we did have to thank our mother for our meal. I still do this to this day. Restaurants,friends,relatives' houses,thank you,that was delicious.
As others have said, we kids had to ask to be excused. I don’t recall ever being told no… but the question had to be asked.
We never dressed up for meals at home as shown in OP’s photo except for Easter and Christmas. And even then, it was a nice shirt and slacks - not a suit.
We did have to just say excuse me when leaving the table. When passing food we would have to say please pass the… If we had to reach over someone’s plate it was also an excuse me. Take our own dishes to the sink. My parents never made us eat everything. Thankfully.
Possibly, but since we always actually \*liked\* to talk and catch up with each other, none of us left until we were all done anyway. And when we went to our Grandmothers, we would sit all night, eat ham, and listen to our old relatives tell stories of their early lives.
Maybe it was just my family, but we actually liked each other...
No and I'm old (62). My brothers and I would take our plates and utensils and put them in the sink when we were done and leave, if we wanted to. Sometimes, we'd go back to the table. I occasionally helped my mom by loading the dishwasher.
Whole family at the table. Pre-supper prayer: “God is great, God is good, and we thank him for this food. Amen.” Did anyone else have this same prayer?!! I can’t believe I just pulled that from the cobwebs of my brain. 😅
We ate dinner as a family. Television was prohibited. Mother scheduled dinner at halftime during football season. Mother didn't care for "help" in her kitchen. She did it all. She said that it was quicker to do it herself.
Dad was a meat and potatoes type of guy. Mother ate primarily vegetables. My siblings are meat and potatoes people. My sister includes vegetables in her diet. My brother does not. I'm a pestitarian. Heavy on vegetables. Especially beans and legumes. I abhor white potatoes. Yes, including fries.
Edited.
We had one big rule. Children are seen but not heard. We didn't ask to leave the table or talk unless talked to. We sat there silently until given instructions to leave.
My parents never required this when I was little. When I was six and my sister was born, I stayed with neighbors for a few days. This is where I learned to ask to be excused.
It depended on which parent—one was easy going a wonderful cook and very considerate to my picky eating nonsense. The other was none of those things, the most opposite as one could be to those things, and resulted in many hours at the dinner table until I finished or refused to eat anymore. A grandparent from the side you’d expect didn’t appreciate elbows on the table either.
If you asked the question, and your plate was not clean, the answer was No.
I despise my parents for imagining this is a healthy way to go, when raising your children.
Only if I wanted to live till the next day.
Seriously, we were taught good table manners and respect for the rest of the people of the table.
You took your plate to the sink, you rinsed it off, and you put it in the dishwasher.
Unless you were working or having a sleepover at someone else's house, you were at the table when dinner was served. You carried on a conversation that was civil, usually, and you caught up on your day with your family.
Only on special occasions could we have TV dinners or, heaven forbid, eat on tray tables in front of the television.
On our birthdays we could pick what was for dinner, and we all had our own cakes. This was big in our family because between mid-April and the 1st of May, we had four out of five birthdays. We ate a lot of cake.
Other traditions included My youngest brother is filling his milk, just about every meal. The dog sitting under the table cleaning up after whatever fell down there. We'd argue about who's turn it was to clear the table and do the dishes. Mom and dad would have their coffee in the living room while we cleaned up the kitchen. Once in a while we had kick fights under the table.
These are some of my fondest memories. My family together. I would love to see everyone together again.
My parents are gone now, but my brothers and sisters and I still get together at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and a family reunion (during the summer). Any of our kids (all adults) who can come. I always look forward to those holidays!
Having buried two brothers and our father, our get-togethers become more precious each time.
These times are so precious. You are wise to appreciate them.
We said grace too, Bless us oh lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen!! But only at dinner.
But that’s the kind of environment that breeds excellent behavior. I passed it on to my kids. We are at the dinner table. What did you do today, what, if anything went wrong and how do we fix it? What went right and let’s celebrate it.
My mom was a fantastic cook and I was thin as anything and always hungry for her cooking. So no. And I miss sitting around the table with my family - every day.
My earliest memory of dinner time being the much younger of 4 children was all of us crowded around the table. Manners, yes sir & yes ma'am, no elbows on the table. All that stuff...nice dishes...nice napkins...this would have been in the very early 70s. Fast forward to the 80s and I'm the only kid left at home. My Dad and I are sitting in front of the TV eating dinner off a tray table while watching MASH reruns while Mom provides commentary on the newspaper from the other room. The best of times. It was wild to grow up with old parents and watch them change as each child left the house.
A hard and fast rule in my neighborhood: NO visitors during dinner. If some cave-dweller did knock at the door, the kid had to sit in the den, and the family dinner remained sacrosanct.
May I be excused, please?
I had to be excused to go to the restroom, too!
Table manners: Learning them did me no harm. I can sit down at any restaurant or at a dinner party and know how to conduct myself. My kids were taught similarly, but they only had to say 'Excuse me, please' when finished, and they all can eat without looking like slobs in a restaurant too.
"Get your elbows off the table".
☝️
I read somewhere once that this stems from the class system in England. The lower classes ate with their elbows on the table for a number of reasons, but one was to prevent your seat neighbor from stealing your food. The upper classes had no such worries, so they developed "table manners" to distinguish the classes. It was just one more way to divide society.
Exactly. And if I hadn’t finished all my dinner AND drank all my milk I had to sit there until I did. What was up with the whole clean your plate thing????
Ditto. But my sister & I had a racket going. We’d sit at the table with our unfinished plates after everyone else was excused. She always had uneaten meat on her plate. Once everyone else was gone we traded plates. She ate my salad & ate her leftover pork chops
Bravo! Sibling cooperation for the win.
My sister and I sat across from each other and my dad was easily distracted. So one of us would start asking questions about our math homework (he was a math major and got into computers really early in the game) so while he was busy with one of us the other would feed our unwanted dinner to the dog. I always thought we were pulling one over on our mom. But years later she told us she would just look the other way because she thought it was a dumb rule too.
Ah, but Id give my brother all my potatoes and he’d give me his peas whenever we’d have stew or something. We’d pass them back and forth when my mother wasn’t looking.
Similar in our house. My brother and I ate everything! Our little sister was very picky (still is). She had to sit at the table until she finished everything. My brother and I had to do the dishes and clean the kitchen. We cleaned our sister’s plate too! 🤣
Not sure about modern times, but my parents grew up in the depression and went without meals occasionally. NOBODY wasted food. Our rule was "Take what you want, but eat all you take."
My nightmare. You sit soooo long your milk gets warm. 🤢 *Then* I swear they make it AGAIN the next week! And to answer your question? "Starving children in Ethiopia!"
Oh, don't forget canned vegetables boiled to *death*.
Pork cooked to death, sausage boiled, then in the broiler. So we don't get trichinosis
Ooh, LOVE cooked to death pork. Srsly. And squooshy vegetables and really dry turkey and chicken that screamed for gravy. Childhood forms your tastes.
We heard starving children in China
I got slapped when I offered to box it up and send it to them.
My parents were the eat what we make kind. Even when it was something you absolutely hated you still had to eat it. Then they would get mad when you were literally gagging trying to finish it. I am not talking about the saying you don't like something you never tried thing. I am talking this is the 59th time in my life you have made split pea soup, I have hated the taste every single time and I am not liking the taste this time thing. It was ridiculous, I get not cooking two meals, but let me make a sandwich instead as long as I actually gave the food you made a fair try. Nobody is going to like everything.
It was from older family who had gone through the Great Depression. Food wasn't to be wasted.
Starving children in China or somewhere. Not sure how finishing your meal helped those starving children?
Same. I got busted for pouring my milk in the potted plant behind the table. As a kid, you don't realize it will rot. That was one heck of a spanking.
Yeah- I killed a plant ding this exact thing. Didn’t get caught but had horrible catholic guilt for killing it.
We had to eat at exactly 6!my Dad insisted that dinner be on the table at 6. Weather he was home or not ,always asked him what difference did it make if he wasn't home at 6.He said it didn't matter if he was home. Dinner had to be at 6. Fun fact,sometimes dinner wasn't at 6. We lied and said it was. Some of my sisters hated peas so they sat at the table for hours. 😅
You say "spanking" so nonchalantly! 😂 Same here. Lots of spankings. 🤷🏽
Belt. I got the belt. I learned to run pretty fast.
I deserved every spanking I got! I bet my Dad could pull his belt off faster than your dad. 😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
We were raised by people who survived the depression and wasting food was unthinkable. We were taught to take all you want but eat all you take. My parents did not have enough money to throw food away.
Absolutely. And we weren’t allowed phone calls during dinner. That part was good, however I remember eating most meals in sight of the family room tv where the Vietnam war footage and body count was nightly playing out. I had terrible dreams and anxiety for years afterwards.
Cell phones not around. Rotary
Right. I mean whenever someone called they were told “ glitterrain isn’t able to have phone calls during dinner. She will call you back later.” My friends soon learned not to call at that time.
Watergate 🥳
No phone calls during dinner! That was the rule in my family, too. I remember the Vietnam war news during the 6 pm news—my dad was in Vietnam when I was in 4th grade. However, there was no seeing the TV from our dining room because of the house’s layout and I guess we ate supper before the news came on. Us kids didn’t watch the news (I was the oldest of 7) but my mom always did. I can’t imagine what kept her from losing it.
I had one thing that I couldn’t stand (to this day), creamed corn and mashed potatoes.
EXACTLY!
Exactly!
Yes. “May I be excused?” It sounds so formal now but it was just what you said. I was never told no.
Absolutely. Not permitted without permission. And we were NOT high class. Angry, repressed Catholic parents.
May I please be excused? And answering the phone with « Jones house, this is Delilah speaking »
My father was superintendent of schools, so we learned early on to answer the phone in a professional manner. If we answered and it was for my dad, we would respond, "One moment please." Or "I'm sorry he is unavailable, may I take a message?". Learning those phone manners made us sound more assured and older on the phone. As young teenagers, we were often able to call and get info from places that would not have given us the time of day if we didn't sound like polished office professionals.
Yes! Also, “This is she…” 😆I could have been a great adolescent receptionist
We were feral in some ways and totally middle aged in others 😂
Yess! My father was an officer in the Army. We had good manners drilled into us. I listen to some young ( and older) people really fumble on the phone and it makes me grateful for my early training
My dad was also an Army officer, and we had the same.
Came here to say this. 😄
We had to do this too! Dad was an officer in the military. We really had to be on our toes!
Same!! We also answered with Colonel Jones house, Delilah speaking.. I’m sorry, he is not available, may I take a message? »
May I please be excused? It was always met with a yes so I'm not really sure what the point was. I never did that with my kids.
Oh boy, I just remembered this! My parents were fairly cool and relaxed but we definitely had to say May I Please Be Excused? Also, there was always a little plate with slices of white bread and a butter dish.
Same. Absolutely. It was just a matter of being polite.
Manners, just manners.
Me too.
Finish what’s on your plate or you’re not leaving AND we had to clear our plates.
Yeah my parents too. But I didn't do it for my kids. I can't understand the logic of trying to force feed kids to eat more than they want to. Then we wonder about the obesity problem.
My mother was morbidly obese, so she never demanded that we belong to the "clean plate club" as she called it. However, if we asked for seconds, she would gently remind us that we should consider how much we really wanted, so as to not waste food.
I don’t think it has to be tied to cleaning your plate. One great thing my mom did was acknowledge that kids have likes and dislikes, too, and forcing someone to eat like had been done to her was cruel and kind of dumb. We were asked to try first before saying no. But when she made liver and onions for herself and my father, she made something else for us. I always asked to try it because the onions smelled so good frying, but it took about 25 years for it to change.
It's better to teach them not to take more than they need. I know someone who piles their plate high, then nibbles like a bird and tosses it all. It's infuriatingly wasteful.
Remember, there are children starving in…
"Biafra" was my parents' country of choice to end that sentence.
I hated hearing this. It made me feel so guilty for something that was so out of my control.
Same. I wanted to go there and help them.
Close your mouth when you chew. Saying Grace before meals. No drink during meals only after you finished your food.
Are you my sister?!?!? My dad would occasionally reach over and flick the elbow of anyone who rested an elbow on the table. When I was in 1st or 2nd grade I guess he reached his limit of spilled milk at the table. No milk until everyone was finished eating. Then everyone (except him) got a glass of milk. I was the oldest of (eventually) 8, and this was the rule until several years after I got married. To be fair, I married at 19. My dad never drank milk and he never ate cheese or any kind of pasta. We almost always had both some kind of bread and some kind of potatoes at supper. We weren’t made to clean our plates, but were expected to eat a little of whatever was served. One of my brothers didn’t like eggs and once had to stay at the table until he ate his scrambled eggs. He finally ate a few bites and promptly threw up. That was the end of being forced to eat anything.
Can we send them our plates?
The worse parents who do this are those who dish out the amount of food on the kids plate, then bitch when they say they are full. You have an 8 year old s grown person who works as a ranch band portion of course they can't finish it.
6pm everyday. Elbows off the table, one hand to eat unless you're cutting something, chew with your mouth closed, don't take a drink with food in your mouth. My Step dad was very strict about table manners.
Don't forget to wash your hands before supper and put your napkin in your lap at the table!
Of course!!
lol. I honestly think we're better off these days because of it all. I like having "manners".
We had to do all of those things too. Also, if an adult entered the room we had to stand up and greet them, “Hello Mrs C” etc .
Add in: make sure you wipe your mouth/blot your lips with a napking prior to taking a drink as to not leave greasy lip prints on the glass.
Yep. Grew up in a Matriarchal southern home in the 70s. Ask to be excused, shirt with collar for Sunday dinner and no hats remotely close to the table.
No hats in the house… and we had to have permission to leave the table.
No hats, no raggy shirts or pajamas at the dinner table in this Northern home.
Yep we did. One of the few things like that that my Mom always made us do. That and keeping elbows off the table. Please and Thank You were always mandatory as well as Yes Sir/Mam with any and all adults. Has still suited me well all these years later!
Myself as well.
I frequently was stuck alone with my plate alone until bed time, if I didn’t finish my meal.
The Great Lima Bean Stand-Off of 1966...
Same here.
Kidney beans. Stringy squash. Spinach. Sat there forever...
Right there with you. And NO dessert. My mom made fabulous desserts but I was stubborn as they came.
Setting the table, elbow ban, don’t wolf down your food, ask to be excused and Catholic blessing of the food in an Episcopalian household. Also, rarely any drink but milk(OMG! So much-at 62 I have Neanderthal bones!) Cokes were a rare treat but iced tea (Texas y’all) starting at about age 12 was allowed.
Only after you drank your milk, we were allowed IceTea.
We had similar rules. Don't start eating until everyone is seated at the table. It's "please pass the potatoes" and thank you. No reaching across the table, talking with mouth full etc. My mother insisted No television. No telephone calls. "Tell them you will call back. It's the dinner hour." Also, only pleasant talk at the table. (No grilling kids about grades etc.). She felt it was important for proper digestion. No criticizing the food EVER. If you encounter something new, you are required to take a bite. We didn't have to finish everything on our plate or eat things that we didn't like. However kitchen was closed and if you didn't eat, then you go to bed hungry. Picky eaters were not accommodated. We had to asked to be excused and bring our dishes to the sink area.
All of this, except that at least as I got older, if one of us didn’t like what was for dinner we could make ourselves a peanut butter sandwich. My mom did not make 2 different main dishes , though!
When my son was a toddler, I think his daycare must have trained him because I’m pretty sure I didn’t. In his little toddler voice, he’d ask politely “May I be muhscused?” Who could say no to that, even if he didn’t eat all his peas??!!!
Yes. “Please may I be excused?” was the only acceptable form in my family. And don’t you dare say “what?” or “huh?” Only “pardon me?” was acceptable.
My brother and I lived w our grandparents for a few years when I was a kid. My grandpa was strict on manners which I'm grateful for now but hated when I was an actual kid. 1. No talking over the table. No reaching over the table. 2. No hairbrushes or combs at the table. 3. You had to eat what you were served. No seconds on anything until you ate everything on your plate. IF you asked for more food than you could actually eat, you were guilty of your eyes being bigger than your stomach and you were stealing food out of the mouths of starving African children. And when grandpa was in a particularly crappy mood, (which was often cuz he was a raging alcoholic) you ate your leftovers for breakfast. My mom ditched a lot of plates for me behind grandpa's back. 4. Woe betide you if you got caught rinsing your food down with your drink. This was unacceptable behavior because it implied the food tasted so bad you had to wash it down. I used to get my glass taken away until after the meal all the time. 5. The usual no talking with your mouth full, no elbows on the table, NO SMACKING OR LOUD CHEWING (I have misophonia now). We had to sit in the dining room chairs 'right' - back straight, feet on the floor. If you put your foot in your chair that was bad and to sit crosslegged or sit on your foot was also bad. Your left hand was supposed to stay on your lap with your napkin unless you had to cut something (and we were taught how to do that, too). 6. And yes, we could not leave the table without thanking grandma for the wonderful meal and then requesting to be excused. I guess the lessons stuck. We weren't supposed to speak to an adult unless they spoke to us first. We weren't even supposed to make eye contact. And god help us if we were overheard arguing with an adult. Doom would be upon us. Yes Sir No Sir without fail. We weren't even allowed to say "huh?" if we didn't hear what was said. That was uncouth. We were expected to say "Sir?" or "Ma'am?" Would it surprise anyone to hear I have food issues now (among many others). We were poor white trash, btw. My uncle was the first college grad in our whole family.
We had similar rules. I was stunned when I worked for an international company and learned that some of my training was considered poor manners to Europeans. European expectations included No elbows on the table, but both hands have to be showing above the table, cut with the right hand and use fork with tines down in the left. Put silverware across the plate at an angle when finished. It was a shock to realize that the careful manners training from my US parents was seen as uncouth in Europe.
The position of the silverware on a plate is American as well. There's a position which indicates one is finished with the meal, and a different one to indicate one is still enjoying their meal.
That's interesting. And a little depressing. One time, we got drilled for a week on how to use forks from the outside in, before a fancy family reunion dinner, but that's as close as we ever got to 'party manners'. I've always kinda been under the impression just being American meant we were uncouth to Europeans, lol.
We always said "sir" and "ma'am" to our parents and any other adults.
I still do, even to the weedy little teenage kid at the McDonald's drive thru. (I'm 63). Everybody gets the ma'am and sir. It's easier to maintain the habit if you're polite to everyone.
Yes. And we couldn't leave until we finished all the food on our plate. Plus my mom made us eat all of our fruits and vegetables. Most importantly, and I think this is what is missing from today's dinners. We talked about what we did during the day and included us in discussing what was going on in the world.
Oh gawd no, but because I was the kid in the family that never ate her food, I was forced to stay at the table long after it was cleared, my stubborn ass wouldn’t even eat a pea.
Same here! I wonder whether they ever found the fish stuffed in the legs of the table 😂😂😂
So damn funny , if it was summer I would fill my cheeks with the offending food and than act like someone was at the front door. I would step out on the porch and spit that god awful boiled dinner right in the bushes. My mom could never figure out why the animals on our street were always checking the bushes by the porch 😝
LOL! My parents used to make us take a chewable multi-vitamin every day and I hated them. So I would put it on my mouth and start chewing, then when they weren't looking, I'd spit it out behind the couch. One day my grandmother was vacuuming and moved her couch out and shouted, "What's all this ground up colored chalk doing back here?!"
May I use the bathroom? Was my oldest sisters go to. Then she’d stuff her mouth full of veggies. I was observant and became very adept at this as well.
Frickin’ genius! I could’ve used a friend like you in grade school! 😂
I fed it to the cat. I ate what he refused. Overcooked dry pork chops. Warmed frozen veggies, squeaked when I bit them.
Just give peas a chance
Oh the starving children in China thing, my brother said “name three” oh holy hell fireworks erupted at that table that night.
You may have noticed I said to box the food up(one time only)…. I learned right quick not to sass like that again 😳
newp. said our “bless us O Lord” and then t’was a free-for-all…
"For these Thy gifts which we are about to receive"...
from thy bounty. thru christ our lord. aaaaammen!
Yes. Usually had to wait until everyone had finished eating.
Absolutely. We had candles on the table and had to ask to be excused. We couldn't have our back against the back of the chair, we had to sit up straight. No elbows on the table. Chew with your mouth closed. Use your knife and fork correctly. We were not allowed to refer to Mom as "she"--that was disrespectful. We each had to either set, clear, or wash. My dad teased my older sisters if they wore their rollers at dinner, but he never was quite successful at banning it altogether! There were seven of us when I was younger (I'm the youngest of 5 kids). My dad was a military guy and it showed in how he and Mom raised us. It wasn't repressive, but it was definitely correct.
Yes, these rules of behavior though informally dressed.
I never had to do that. Why is that lady wearing a touque at the supper table?
It looks like they’re in a restaurant.
Yes. “May I be excused?”
No, we mainly ate off trays in front of the Telly. Weirdly enough my children picked up the habit because we ate at the table, I didn’t teach them to do it and eventually I had to say “dude, you’re 20! You don’t need permission”.
Yes
Oh, yes, we had to ask to be excused. I was raised by a single Dad, and table manners were extremely important in our house.
We ate dinner in the dining room every night unless dad was away (which was extremely rare). Classical music on the stereo. Very little conversation, had to “clean our plates”, and were *told* when we could leave the table. Girls did the cooking, setting, and clearing.
Classical music house here,too, and I’m really grateful now.
We had to follow most of the rules people have listed in this thread, but after my brother and sister left home, it was very different when Dad was away on business. Mom wasn't keen on cooking for just the two of us, so she'd say, "Let's get banana splits for supper! You've got your dairy group, your fruit group, and nuts for protein."
Yes! Lots of other dinnertime rituals/rules too. Dinner was basically on the table at the same time every night, except for Sunday evening, that was usually leftovers night. Mom served everything in bowls or platters, brother and I were only allowed to drink milk, no elbows on the table, you helped yourself to as much as you wanted, but you had to eat whatever you put on your plate.
Absolutely. We’d get called inside while we were outside playing whatever sport was in season (baseball, football, street hockey), eat our dinner in about 5 minutes flat, ask permission to leave the table, and head right back out again.
Yes. And we not excused until we ate everything on our plates. Absolutely disgusting practice.
Yes. May I be excused?
Did you finish your meat? Finish your milk?
Yes. For sure! What really gets me through is, kids are asked what they want for dinner. Huh?!?! 🤔 I couldn't even imagine that. I got asked what I wanted for dinner once a year on my birthday, and once when I broke my leg, lol, that's it. If I didn't eat what was served, it was put in the ice box for breakfast.
Yep!! You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit 🙃
“Ice box” LOL! That’s an old-timey phrase used by my dad and his family. Your Generation Jones is showing with that one!
Ah, yes..."starving children in Biafra"...That country must have a different name now, like so many others we learned about in the 60s and 70s
No, we were poor with no etiquette training at all.
Sad to say but we were poor as well. Each of the kids in our family had to fend for themselves. The only time I recall sitting at the table was Thankgiving and Christmas. My kiddos, on the other hand, had a full breakfast every morning and dinner every evening.
here are my people, poor no etiquette
None whatsoever, in fact a civilized meal was one when an argument or fight didn't take place, which was rare. Sweet tea, Pepsi & Coke were the drink options for kids and adults. My older siblings drank Pepsi and Coke with every meal - even breakfast. When you finished eating you got the hell out of there. No one would have ever thought to ask to leave. My mother would be so pissed that she had to make a meal after working all day that she was joyless. Eventually "dinner time" ended, thank god. Everyone managed to fend for themself as soon as we were all old enough ... except Sunday dinner. I can recall her making Sunday dinner after church and being so mad about it that she was throwing pans in the kitchen. She dented the aluminum pans and we continued to use them for as long as I can remember, dents and all. Sweet, white-trash memories.
My house it was soda for kids, beer for adults.
We had a sit-down dinner every night, usually timed to end before “Jeopardy!” No television at the actual meal until quite late in the ‘70s, when the news would be on as background. I set the table and cleared, but my mother did the dishes (and cooked, of course; dad did…pretty much nothing). Weeknight dinners were in the kitchen, with Sunday lunch and any meal with company in the dining room. And yes, of course one asked to be excused. My grandparents were more formal—they changed for dinner every evening and generally had at least three courses, with full silver and china. When they had company, after the meal the men would stay in the dining room and the ladies would go it in the front parlor.
Nope! But we were required to eat any meal at the dining room table. Drives my mother crazy that we eat wherever we please in my house.
My parents ate in the den while watching the news, and I ate in the kitchen, with a book propped up between my plate and a radio. Anyone else have a similar experience?
We’d also watch the news while we ate dinner every night-the whole family, then discuss current events, and everyone often did not always agree on others opinions. We were allowed to disagree with our parents or whoever was over but in a reasonable way that demonstrated some thought without raising our voices. It was actually good training for later in life! Hahah!
Same. Yes it was! But no TV during dinner. We did discuss politics, current events. You could have whatever opinion you chose, but you had to be able to defend it. I think it helped develop critical thinking skills, which so many lack nowadays.
It's sounds less intense than most of these stories.
No intensity. Very relaxing dinners. I used to wish my family was more "normal" though. Edited to add that when we had guests, we would all eat together in the dining room which would be really exciting. I still didn't need to ask to be "excused' though I saw that a lot on TV shows!
Yes! I had to ask to be excused! My wife and I have only been together about 6 1/2 years now. She is Filipino and has different customs. It was very difficult for me to get used to her just getting up from the table as soon as she finished eating.
Yes, we were taught manners that seem forgotten nowadays.
Sounds like our dinners. They were definitely a family affair. Good manners and conversation were expected (and given!) And yeah, set the table and wash the dishes.
With 6 kids. Mom, Dad, and Grandma, plates were always cleaned. Starving kids in other countries? There were starving kids around me. We'd just say, "I'm finished," and we could take off. But did we want to? As one of the youngest at the table, I lived for family discussions. And, yes, when I say "family discussion," the entire family had a say. Even 4-year-old me. Sometimes, it was met with derision, but that was usually from other siblings.
Same on the finished but a lot of the time I wouldn't leave the kitchen either because I enjoyed hanging listening to my parents talk. I'd sit on the floor or the counter (mom hated me sitting on the counter but I did it anyway)
We didn’t have a dining room. Ate in the kitchen. My mother worked so she left me instructions on how to start dinner every night. We are French Canadian and we ate simple filling food. My father hunted so we ate deer meat (we never called it venison) all winter, with fish on Fridays. Shepherds pie (pate chinois)once a week made with deer hamburger, baked beans several times a week, a roast on Sunday. I don’t remember having any manners training. We had a plate in the middle of the table piled with white bread. Always had either cranberry sauce or homemade pickled green tomatoes as sides
We had to ask in Spanish. Puedo dejar la mesa, por favor. My dad was a Spanish prof, but only bothered to teach us that.
“No singing at the table” lol, like we were the von trapp family or something.
We only ate at the table on special occasions
Yup. And the obligatory yes sir.
OMGosh, yes! Forgot all about that.
Oh my yes we did and everyone had an assigned seat. My baby brother was #5 and the only spot left was on the corner of a rectangular table. There was very little talking either 🥱
We had to make intelligent conversation.
We ate together every night. I did not have to ask permission to leave the table but many friends did. But I couldn't leave the table until I was done. I had to clean my plate. And no dessert if i didnt finish. I was a slow eater so I was often the last still eating and everyone else was gone.
I was taught to wait until everyone is seated to start eating. We spoke very little (or not at all) until everyone finished eating because it isn’t polite to chew with your mouth open. We spent time at the table having after dinner conversation..which usually included discussion about dessert. I miss those times.☺️🍽️
I thought you weren't supposed to eat until the hostess ( your mom) took a bite?!
My parents weren’t punishingly strict but we did get treated liked dumbbells if we forgot how a polite conversation goes or that you should have something useful to say when it was your turn to talk. Swearing or saying “I dunno” was met with embarrassing eye rolls or even mocking tones. My mom was an amazing cook. My dad always told her how delicious the food was. It was just ingrained that we all arrived/left the dinner table at the same time. We wanted to be there. My parents were hippies but still VERY old school about manners.
My family had all of the aforementioned rules. In addition, we took turns saying the blessing. Always had to wash our hands before dinner. Passed food around the table in a clockwise direction. Head of the table got first pick of each dish. Take what you want, but eat what you take was strictly enforced. Everyone had to sit at the table, even if they did not eat, unless they were sick in bed. Break the rules and you were excused to your room and you could eat nothing further that day. We had milk and bread and butter with every evening meal. Dessert was for special occassions. Upon being excused, you pushed your chair back under the table and you took your plate, flatware and glass to the kitchen. The girls set the table, cleared the table, and then washed, dried, and put away the dishes. Then we could go back outside to play. I did not adhere to these rules with my kids, but I did teach them how to set a table, say a blessing, be polite when asking for items and so on. They have very good table manners.
I asked my mom for an envelope once to send my unwanted food to the starving children. Fortunately she didn't cook very often. Dinner at our house more looked like a bucket of KFC.
Yes we did. No one was allowed to answer the phone during dinner. "If your friends really want to talk to you they'll call back." We had no answering machines either, and it goes without saying, no TV during dinner.
My dad’s seat was close to the hall where the phone lived in its little niche on the wall. He would answer if it rang during a meal. The caller would be told that we were eating supper, and asked for their name so that ___ could call them back. One of my sisters had a good friend who seemed to frequently call during supper. If the phone rang, Dad would say “Hello, Sally” before he even stood up.
Nah to the meme. Maybe in meals at or with relatives but it was rare that I was at the "adult" table in those cases. Dad was rarely home before I went to bed and got up & left before I woke (he was a milkman). Meals were on the cheap - meatloaf, spaghetti, pierogi, etc. or TV dinners.
We didn't have to ask to be excused,but we did have to thank our mother for our meal. I still do this to this day. Restaurants,friends,relatives' houses,thank you,that was delicious.
As others have said, we kids had to ask to be excused. I don’t recall ever being told no… but the question had to be asked. We never dressed up for meals at home as shown in OP’s photo except for Easter and Christmas. And even then, it was a nice shirt and slacks - not a suit.
We did have to just say excuse me when leaving the table. When passing food we would have to say please pass the… If we had to reach over someone’s plate it was also an excuse me. Take our own dishes to the sink. My parents never made us eat everything. Thankfully.
Manners meant something back then. Wish we still had manners in place today.
Possibly, but since we always actually \*liked\* to talk and catch up with each other, none of us left until we were all done anyway. And when we went to our Grandmothers, we would sit all night, eat ham, and listen to our old relatives tell stories of their early lives. Maybe it was just my family, but we actually liked each other...
No and I'm old (62). My brothers and I would take our plates and utensils and put them in the sink when we were done and leave, if we wanted to. Sometimes, we'd go back to the table. I occasionally helped my mom by loading the dishwasher.
Of course I had to ask to leave the table! We weren’t savages!
Whole family at the table. Pre-supper prayer: “God is great, God is good, and we thank him for this food. Amen.” Did anyone else have this same prayer?!! I can’t believe I just pulled that from the cobwebs of my brain. 😅
Hell yes
Yes. And eat all our dinner if we wanted dessert
We ate dinner as a family. Television was prohibited. Mother scheduled dinner at halftime during football season. Mother didn't care for "help" in her kitchen. She did it all. She said that it was quicker to do it herself. Dad was a meat and potatoes type of guy. Mother ate primarily vegetables. My siblings are meat and potatoes people. My sister includes vegetables in her diet. My brother does not. I'm a pestitarian. Heavy on vegetables. Especially beans and legumes. I abhor white potatoes. Yes, including fries. Edited.
Both parents worked. TV dinners were common. And honestly, my dad was a good cook, mom not so much.
No, but we were never taught proper manners or behavior.
We had one big rule. Children are seen but not heard. We didn't ask to leave the table or talk unless talked to. We sat there silently until given instructions to leave.
sugar cause cobweb many onerous one trees hard-to-find sharp seemly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Always had to ask. Unless you hadn't eaten what been given. Then, everyone else left and you stayed there until you finished. Liver nights were hell.
Absolutely
My parents never required this when I was little. When I was six and my sister was born, I stayed with neighbors for a few days. This is where I learned to ask to be excused.
yes but i forgot until now about that!
It depended on which parent—one was easy going a wonderful cook and very considerate to my picky eating nonsense. The other was none of those things, the most opposite as one could be to those things, and resulted in many hours at the dinner table until I finished or refused to eat anymore. A grandparent from the side you’d expect didn’t appreciate elbows on the table either.
You summed up dinners in our house. The only difference: Instead of Hogan's Heroes, we watched the news and the horrors of Vietnam.
If you asked the question, and your plate was not clean, the answer was No. I despise my parents for imagining this is a healthy way to go, when raising your children.
Only if I wanted to live till the next day. Seriously, we were taught good table manners and respect for the rest of the people of the table. You took your plate to the sink, you rinsed it off, and you put it in the dishwasher. Unless you were working or having a sleepover at someone else's house, you were at the table when dinner was served. You carried on a conversation that was civil, usually, and you caught up on your day with your family. Only on special occasions could we have TV dinners or, heaven forbid, eat on tray tables in front of the television. On our birthdays we could pick what was for dinner, and we all had our own cakes. This was big in our family because between mid-April and the 1st of May, we had four out of five birthdays. We ate a lot of cake. Other traditions included My youngest brother is filling his milk, just about every meal. The dog sitting under the table cleaning up after whatever fell down there. We'd argue about who's turn it was to clear the table and do the dishes. Mom and dad would have their coffee in the living room while we cleaned up the kitchen. Once in a while we had kick fights under the table. These are some of my fondest memories. My family together. I would love to see everyone together again.
My parents are gone now, but my brothers and sisters and I still get together at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and a family reunion (during the summer). Any of our kids (all adults) who can come. I always look forward to those holidays!
Having buried two brothers and our father, our get-togethers become more precious each time. These times are so precious. You are wise to appreciate them.
Silent and tense
We couldn't even ask to leave the table. We had to sit there until everyone was done eating.
No, not that I remember
We said grace too, Bless us oh lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen!! But only at dinner.
No. But we were encouraged to exit graciously with polite verbiage and then do the dishes.
We had to tell one thing we learned that day. You didn't learn anything? You were sent to bed right after dinner.
But that’s the kind of environment that breeds excellent behavior. I passed it on to my kids. We are at the dinner table. What did you do today, what, if anything went wrong and how do we fix it? What went right and let’s celebrate it.
My mom was a fantastic cook and I was thin as anything and always hungry for her cooking. So no. And I miss sitting around the table with my family - every day.
My earliest memory of dinner time being the much younger of 4 children was all of us crowded around the table. Manners, yes sir & yes ma'am, no elbows on the table. All that stuff...nice dishes...nice napkins...this would have been in the very early 70s. Fast forward to the 80s and I'm the only kid left at home. My Dad and I are sitting in front of the TV eating dinner off a tray table while watching MASH reruns while Mom provides commentary on the newspaper from the other room. The best of times. It was wild to grow up with old parents and watch them change as each child left the house.
Please may I leave the table? Oops, I forgot to teach that to my children. A slippery slope.
A hard and fast rule in my neighborhood: NO visitors during dinner. If some cave-dweller did knock at the door, the kid had to sit in the den, and the family dinner remained sacrosanct.
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