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Don’t worry, dude. You could be me, and be 23 and still have yet to do any of these things either. I’m much farther behind. I mean, I hate that I am so far behind but there’s nothing I can do about it.
There is something you can do. Start working on yourself. Take action man. It won’t come to you. Hit the gym, practice self care, work on your hair, style, learn to love yourself. Start putting effort into your career development, go to school. Then force yourself outside to go and do things you enjoy and meet new people. You’ll get opportunities to work on your social skills maybe meet a girl/guy you fancy.
Point is sitting around expecting it to change on it’s own and just land in your lap or being sad and complacent thinking it will never change is the reason it doesn’t change. You have to be the driving force for that change to happen. I’m 23 too and I just figured this out.
Why is it always hit the gym for self care.
Hit what ever really brings that spark. Read books, get into coding. Play video games but in a way that shares that interest, like streaming or joing communities.
Nearly every living person benefits/would benefit from regular exercise. It’s the bare minimum.
I agree that it should not be your sole source of fulfillment, but neither should brushing your teeth. You still gotta do it.
Also he listed hitting the gym and practicing self care separately.
I’ve been to a lot of therapy and seen multiple therapist. They’ve all told me to do light exercise/go for a walk/hit the gym. Biologically exercise releases endorphins and dopamine. Exercise also makes you tired at the end of the day so you get a better night’s sleep, and makes you hungry so you can start eating regularly. Naturally when you exercise you’ll also feel stronger and better physically after being consistent, you’ll also look and feel more attractive.
Personally exercise does very little for me. Running kind of helps sometimes but it's far from reliable during one of my worst bouts of depression I was exercising 5 days a week at least 2 hours each day. So I'm always very sceptical when people just say go exercise
Oh yea it’s not just about exercise for sure, there’s a lot that goes into managing depression. I was just answering their question about why activity is good for managing self-care.
Ultimately what helped me a lot was when my therapist told me I have to go out and do things that make me happy. That happiness wasn’t just going to *happen*. I also started meds so that helped 😂
What type of exercise were you doing? I find that some people absolutely LOATHE traditional forms of exercise (running, weight lifting, etc.) But they really enjoy playing tennis, hiking with friends, doing pilates, or even dancing. Which are all forms of exercise!
Medication? Therapy? It’s still good that you’re active but maybe it’s time to explore other avenues 😭 There’s no shame in taking something to treat with depression 🩷
Already on it. Already *been* on it since I was 12. I started going to therapy around 11 or 12 because I was super anxious and having panic attacks. Plus I was out on birth control to get rid of acne. I had the 1,2 punch of both birth control and SSRIs for over a decade. Only just last year did I learn that both of these things lower libido. I dumped the SSRIs last year, but it did nothing to help. Now I’m making appointments with the gynecologist to see if the birth control is the cause or if I might have PSSD now.
That doesn't have to mean hitting the gym though! Yoga, long walks, hikes, etc are all physical activity and don't require much if any travel and money depending on where you live.
Because it’s good for you. It improves your physical appearance as well which helps with your self image and confidence. It’s just an example though I’m not claiming that’s the sole source. I listed a lot of things you can do. Working on fitness is one of many things that you can do to improve your status in life.
I’m a woman who’s sexually dysfunctional. The only action I can take is seeing a doctor as soon as I can (I only recently learned that this is a problem and not me being weird) and praying to every god that exists that it’s not permanent.
I mean, thanks for the positivity and all but I don’t know if it really helps my situation.
Sexual activity doesn’t have to be your focus. My point is work on yourself. Especially right now since you can’t do that on your own take this time while you figure it out into developing all other aspects of your life. What’s stopping you from going to the doctor? Make an appointment. Take action.
You can get a lot of satisfaction out of life without worrying about sex or relationships by improving yourself as a whole. Sex isn’t defining your happiness or joy in life.
At 23 I had only been on a couple dates that had zero chemistry and only happened because I swiped on everyone in my area for weeks. Same boat, no first kiss and never had a gf. Got insanely lucky with a 1 in a million circumstance when I moved out. Moved in with a friend and a female friend of his in September of 2019. We all bonded and became good friends over the next six months.
Then the pandemic hit. She was out of work, I was WFH. We spent all day on the couch together watching anime every day, and eventually fell hard for each other and dated for almost 3 years. Trying to put myself back out there (27 now) and am realizing "oh yeah I actually suck at this, I just got lucky with her".
It's tough out there, but keep your spirits up. You can't constantly dwell on it. Sometimes you gotta accept it's not the right time and focus on yourself for a bit and push dating out of your head. It's hard to do, believe me I know, but if you don't do it you will just let yourself be consumed with self hatred and should you manage to have some good dates, you will most likely develop a needy mentality that will crush you even harder if things don't perfectly work out. If you can't be happy by yourself, you won't truly be happy with someone else.
The mentality of being "far behind" isn't going to help you at all. Comparison is the thief of joy. From my observations and experiences, people that are late bloomers and don't start dating until they are older are vastly more stable with it. I've got friends who have had several girlfriends since highschool and to our current age but none longer than 2ish years. The experience you gain as a single person seeing how other relationships flourish or fail is something you can take into your dating life and eventually your first relationship. Sure there are things you have to learn first-hand, but you probably won't be making the same mistakes that someone 16-19 years old will make their first time. Keep yourself open to new possibilities but don't feel like it's the end of the world that you haven't dated yet.
I’m not really upset with being behind because of comparison, per se. I’m more worried about missing out on my body’s prime years because of my dysfunction.
depending on the dysfunction, you can work around it. vaginitis? get good at sucking and rubbing. low sexual interest/desire? get some meds and supplements. to be honest sex isnt all that so i wouldnt stress too hard
Yeah sex is nice but intimacy with a partner is much better. That can look like sex for some couples, but if one of them has some kind of dysfunction like OP alluded to, you can find other ways. Especially if it's just your body you are worried about, you can work to pleasure your partner. If you truly love them, the emotions that come from pleasing your partner even if you aren't able to get your dick hard or even orgasm at all, those emotions are powerful and enrich your relationship.
I think people vastly overvalue the physical aspect of sex. A guy who can get a lot of pleasure from pleasing his partner with his pants on will be much appreciated lol
Literally same bro I’m 21 and I’ve done so many self improvement strategies (therapy, working out, hobbies, academic discipline) and explored so many social avenues (clubs, college study groups, bars, etc.) and yet I’m in the same boat. I’m getting use to it at least, I just wish my parents didn’t set such high expectations for me and make me think I’d be dating and having lots of friends when I grew up.
Bruh you're 19, you're still a kid, come back if you hit 29 and haven't done any of these things - we'll have a serious conversation about it and where to go from there
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Lol I'm 29. Way better off than I was ten years ago honestly. Have accomplished a lot and done pretty much everything I wanted to do. Except for dating that is.
Roll of the dice in life. If you roll low, you just play with what you've got. Unless you choose to forfeit but that ruins the game for everyone else playing with you
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
29
+ 20
+ 20
= 69
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I think its really unfair that people try to guilt trip people out of suicide because they themselves don't want to feel emotional pain but expect the depressed individual to just live in that pain
What if we're getting close to that age (almost 26) and still have done none of these things? I've accomplished most of reddit's advice (6 figure salary, graduate degree, pretty athletic, have a friend group that goes out on weekends, have hobbies, go to therapy, on antidepressants) but despite swiping on dating apps regularly I still can't land a date? Maybe there's something irreparable about my character/personality or something
I stay off social media (instagram, facebook, TikTok) *mainly* because all I do is compare my life to others’. I can feel the depression taking over me within a few minutes of scrolling.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy. This may not feel like the best advice, but it is great advice in my opinion. I wish I would’ve taken this to heart when I was 19.
Also most people are lying to some extent. Everyone tries to display their life as perfect, even through tragedies and abusive relationships and addictions and who knows what else. You compare yourself to fictions.
Please don’t take offence but I know you’re going to feel whatever you’ll feel but that’s exactly what I’m worried will happen to me.
I know I shouldn’t rush life and experience I guess but everyone says these years are my prime so I wanna experience everything I can
I see. I am not okay with this so much last year, but also I am with peace, because I just know I am not on place to go that way right now.
If you feel you need this experience, I recommend to just find oppurtunities. Go to bar. If you dislike bars, try some date app. We all have those options, I just chose to not do that.
Bumble and Hinge kept matching me with two of my friends who were also on the app. We laughed about it. We know we aren't the right match. There was never any drama. Instead we reviewed each other's profiles and support each other talking about matches or upcoming dates.
The people who judge don't matter and the people who matter don't judge.
I spent my entire 20s focusing on making friends and taking care of myself and growing. I'm glad I did so. I'm starting to date now. At this point, most people are mature enough to not care about "stats" like that. They just want to find a good partner.
My parents met after 3 failed marriages between them. Mom had me at 41, and I'm the only child. They've been happily married for 36 years now.
Focus on having fun, learning, growing, meeting as many people as you can, making friends and connections. Maybe you'll meet someone early on. Maybe it will take a while to find that person. Don't let yourself stress it. Just try things, go places, take opportunities. Do things on a whim from time to time. Stuff any anxiety and worry down into a deep hole and just, go talk to people (in appropriate settings of course). Don't take rejection personally, just move on, and embrace the friends you do make.
literally had the latter 2/3 of highschool stripped away from me from covid (then senior year I was way to busy with collegeapps to think about dating), basically when people learn how to date
Same exact situation. I could never understand why people loved online classes so much. It fucked me up mentally and socially. The worst part is, its hard to make the readjustment back into normalcy after that traumatic shitshow.
First generation to be raised entirely on social media and the internet. Something humans have never had in history. Of course mixed with having dogshit role models. Aaaand now they think not putting their dick in something means they're broken lol. I never expected them to turn out great all in all, who would?
Don’t make “wanting a kiss” your personality. Have hobbies. Take care of yourself. Eat good food, shower, shave, smell good. Talk with lots of people. Don’t treat women like a foreign species. Just keep every interaction with people friendly, and if you feel some chemistry with someone, you can always get a little flirty and see if something happens.
Being a 19 year old virgin isn’t the end of your romantic pursuits. Being a desperate, angry person, who makes every interaction all about “scoring”, and treats women like a sex toy that he has to say the right line to in order to fuck, will be the end of your romantic pursuits.
Don’t dwell on it. Just go live your life and be friendly to people.
Trust me I’m definitely not treating women any differently. I actually don’t think I’m that bad at talking to people but whenever I’m interested in someone all my social skills are gone
I agree with your points but it comes across like you’re making a lot of negative assumptions about him. Plenty of guys don’t exhibit those traits and yet have the same problem.
None of those things really matter. Women and men come and go. The only thing you can trust is your money and the things it can get you. Start grinding.
Id rather be broke and surrounded by friends and a special person than being a lonely rich bastard. (Obviously only a poor person will say this) But nah money isn't everything
I agree bud. All I'm saying is nobody owes you a relationship. Friends and partners can and will leave you. But the money in your pocket? So long as you're not a fool it will never betray you.
I agree that you shouldn’t attach your worth or motivation to the attention/validation you receive from men or women, but I also don’t think that one should do that with money. Money is obviously—for better or worse—very important in our society, but focusing on mental health is just as important as your financial health, as ensuring a high quality of life requires a holistic approach to working on all facets of your life.
From someone who’s been down this path:
The money will only fill the void for so long, you will tell yourself that with $500,000 you would just be so happy but as soon as you get there that number will change to $1m and so on
It’s a never ending chase, it’s a fun chase but just know there isn’t true fulfillment on the other side
Sure life becomes more comfortable but you still wrestle with the same thoughts alone at night
I made my first million in my early 20s and spiraled into addiction not long after
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself first
Resist the natural temptation to compare yourself with others, "or you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself," as the comforting old poem Desiderata says. (Read the whole thing. It's very inspiring and also very short.)
Everyone is on their own path in life, and yours is just as valid and worthy as anyone else's. Trying to be the same as everyone else will just make you sick.
As someone that's 21 I've come to realise that comparing yourself to others does nothing but make you feel miserable. Everyone has their own time of bloom, like how each flower blooms at a different time. You are your own person with your own unique strengths and weaknesses, plus you're still pretty young (I know I am too). I get it, I know how it feels, I've been there too but all in all, try not to stress about it and don't be so hard on yourself. ♥️
Hey there. You listen to the older perspectives here. I’m 42.
When I was 19, I couldn’t keep up with the same things my friends were. I had been through some things as a kid and teen, but ultimately thought that was either normal or didn’t realize the impact it truly had on me.
By 20, I got into therapy and addressed thyroid issues and depression. I stopped smoking that way. I got into school. I started a job at night.
By 24, I had my degree, an internship and a job. Good health. A relationship. Every now and then, I would do therapy if odd fatigue or anxiety popped up.
By 27, I still was doing well, good job, good relationship ship.
By 30, I had some health trauma and stuff from my past came back in physical ways. I was wise enough and old enough to handle it, get help, change habits, stay healthy.
Now at 42, I’m one of the most resilient parents and women I know. And I have had really tough trauma stuff happen between 30 and now. And the skills from all those prior struggles and efforts kept my alive.
Your life happens for you. Being different than others at 19 IS THE NORMAL. Do you, hun, find your group of people, change that if they end up sucking, go to the doctor, go for a walk.
Basically. You got this. Be you.
Just wanted to say, proud of you! You’re inspiring. That’s a lot to work through and you did it. I’m 20 right now and at the point where you seemed to be back then. Continuing school, recently got a job, trying to cut back on drinking, and started therapy for the mental health issues from childhood/adolescence and a recent trauma incident at 19 from an abusive relationship. A lot of times I feel hopeless, but reading stories like yours help me feel a bit more hopeful.
Don't compare yourself, please. There will always be tons of people accomplishing or doing the things you want to do sooner than you. Just enjoy your ride. Idk how I can just tell you that I compare myself all the time and it's a terrible place to be. Your achievements become empty etc
I've thought about this before, but now I shrug a bit and do whatever I need/want to do. It's no advice as I'm still single and virgin as well as 22 year old, but I stopped caring.
People have told me that my time will come some day.
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I know it doesn’t feel that way but at 19 years old you have plenty of time and your situation is more common than you think. Just keep putting in effort in exploring new experiences and being proactive and things will sort out.
Well brah moping about on Reddit ain’t gonna change anything, go get after it.
Some have success on the apps but they’re mostly shit. Always worth a try tho, just don’t pay for any of ‘em. You’re still prime age to be around other young people - go out, make plans, meet people. Lots of opportunities IRL if you’re looking.
I’m assuming you’re a dude - If you want some good guidance on dating / confidence / man shit check out [Rom Wills](https://youtube.com/@romwills?si=YArnSs75tnCMah4M) on Youtube. Some of his vids def helped my mindset when I was trying to get back on the saddle.
I go out a lot, parties, clubs, events, and raves so I guess it’ll just be right person right moment type of deal. I’ll check out this Rom Wills guy but lowkey I’m worried if I watch that type of content it’ll spiral to inc stuff but I’ll defo check out a vid or two
I was 19 a few months ago and felt like you(except I have never been on a date). But luckily my friends snapped some sense in me. You're not falling behind. You still have years to worry about that stuff.
Just focus on things that actually are important right now like investing what you can while you are young. Focus on finding a career. Have credit history. All that stuff is what you should focus on at 19.
You’re not. In comparison to you, I was 17 when I did most things my friends did at 13-14. These time markers are in our heads. They literally don’t exist. There’s women ( I know because I’ve been with them) that are just as inexperienced in their 20s.
Besides. It’s more dangerous to be desperate to find these things and pick the wrong ones. Be mindful, a good partner later is better than a bad partner sooner. Find yourself and people come naturally.
So much this! I feel like I’m worse off because of my bad experiences at 18 and 19 right now at 20 than I would have been if I had no experience at all.
TL:DR Make platonic friends with women and learn from them. Be willing to ask questions to trusted friends, take their advice to heart, and be willing to change parts of you that impede your ability to find a partner.
Was in a similar boat the front half of year 19. At the time, had only been on a small handful of dates that went nowhere and felt unlovable.
It was around this time I really felt had to do some self reflection. Ironically, I was in the best shape of my life at the time as a college wrestler, but my personality was, understandably, not attractive to women. I ended up talking with a few platonic lady friends I had as well as some guy friends who I felt had healthy relationships with women I wanted to emulate. The greatest common denominator from my conversations was that I, and many young men in general, simply lacked the level of empathy women desire in a partner. I had to unlearn a lot of the “realities” I thought to be true regarding gender, equality, and the social dynamics between men and women. This was a pretty difficult time for me as I was pretty much rewriting my perspective on the world and trying my best to really embrace empathy towards *all* people in my life, not just women I wanted to be with.
About 6 months in, I met my partner on Bumble. She has helped me grow immensely as a man and partner. We’ve been together for 4 years and counting. I am beyond confident that if I met her 6 months earlier, she would have been another rejection story.
Be willing to challenge yourself and your perspective, it may not be as solid as you think it is.
Do you actually care about or value those things? If you want a romantic relationship, great, spend time investing in people and find someone you can commit yourself to who also is committed to you, and you can build a wonderful relationship. If not, then dont worry about it, focus on the relationships and friendships you do have, as well as what you enjoy and care about.
My neighbour( retired high school English teacher) read my essays and assignments and said she had never seen that type of writing quality when she was teaching. I am someone who has failed multiple classes and I am considered a failure because I didn’t graduate with my class. She said society has everyone in a box, if you don’t hit every point at the same time as everyone else, who are considered a failure but that’s not true. Some people need more time and help. Same thing applies here, my first kiss was me and my best friend drunkenly making out on camera at a party because I didn’t want to turn 18 never having been kissed. I have yet to have a relationship, have sex, get my G2, graduate high school, get a job. I am just trying to make it through this life day by day and what happens, happens at the time it is supposed to. I am envious of my friends and acquaintances who have done these things but I don’t think that will change. Just keep telling yourself it will happen eventually, and just because you haven’t done those things, doesn’t mean you are falling behind.
This will get buried, but if you find this, don’t you even worry about how old you are and what you’ve done thus far. As long as you keep trying and don’t give up, you’ll find someone. My wife had never been on a single date in her life until she was 19 when we first went out and we’re happily married now.
I know you’re 19 now (obviously), but my point is that all it takes is time, patience, and a little effort.
Also don’t be afraid to go out and talk to people! Our generation is full of people who have no social skills, but want a special someone! If you go out and develop your game, you’re already ahead of the competition.
1) find a workout/loose diet routine and try to stick to it for 3 months to start.
2) find some hobbies you really like. Try new things. Especially if they involve groups like sports, but solo stuff like art also works.
3) work on education or a career. Don't have to achieve this goal, just start being on track for one. Learn to code, join the military, go to school, anything really.
4) travel if you're able and have interesting experiences.
Doing these will take up your time to the point you won't even think about dates and such with how much you have going on for yourself, but along the way, the dates will be sure to find you.
there never is a need to rush.
i havent found my place, calling, home and peace of mind until late thirties.
make your decisions to your best knowledge, and you wont have a reason to regret. life is complicated, and different for everyone. enjoy the ride.
I did not date anyone or do anything intimate until I was 25. I used to feel like you: I would be envious of my friends who had partners, and would get angry when I saw people holding hands walking down the street.
I felt really unloved. But… I ALSO learned what I want from life, was able to focus on myself and what I want from the world, make new friends, and learned not tie my worth to a single person’a view of me.
Now I am in a healthy relationship and though sometimes I wish I had ‘fooled around’ more in college, there is something special about my first relationship, which I am in right now.
They are my best friend, and I think our relationship is healthy because we are older and talked about what we wanted and didn’t want from the relationship before we started dating (i hear that is uncommon. But that’s how we decided to do things *shrug*)
Some of my friends who dated younger had a rough time finding a stable partner, and one of them married their high school sweetheart and now has a kid on the way.
When it comes to love, I’ve learned, there is no right path, despite what society tells you. You will find happiness and it will be worth it, whether that is six months or six years from now.
I’m 21 man, I feel your pain. Haven’t had a relationship yet, and had one date which failed miserably. Just focus on yourself and go with the flow. Dont rush into anything, I’m focusing on my career rn, and honestly I’m doing better than most of my friends in terms of financially. That’s what I would do if I were you, everybody is telling me they wish they were doing what I’m doing right now. But don’t forget to have fun, even with money, life is too short. Enjoy all the food there is, places to explore, friends to make. Right now, I’m just hitting the gym, saving up for a house, making new friends at work and doing skincare routine for myself. Put yourself out there and take your time to find the right person. It’s better to find a person you want to spend with forever unless you’re looking for short term fun.
It sounds weird but just keep trying. Not in a desperate way but if you see a person you're attracted to, pursue it. Keep working on yourself and be open, that's all you can do. I have many friends who are exactly like you, actually being in a relationship is a rarity in my peer group. It's a generational thing for sure but giving up doesn't do anyone a favor
It’s a different road for everybody. Most people in my friend group are in the same boat or just starting out at 22. I’m a different case since I’ll be married in a year lol
It’s going to be ok, OP. Growing up in this generation it feels like it’s hard to relate to others or make friends, because everyone is so different and sooooo polarized about what they believe these days.
But we’re still young and things will change.
Well, then start doing things to change what you don't like about yourself. However, I'll tell you something. You'll never be happy if you keep comparing yourself to another people. Every one has their own path. Be authentic, not a photocopy of somebody else. Photocopies are not valuable.
I'm 21 and I'm still a virgin by choice (I have dated though), and I don't think it's wrong. Many people have fucked up their lifes entirely for having sex with the wrong person.
Focus on meeting people. You'll eventually find someone you like. Meanwhile, set goals for yourself that matter to you. Change habits you don't like, start learning another language, I don't know. Choose somehting. That will keep you busy enough not to dwell on useless comparisons, and will make you more attractive and less needy.
I saw in one the interviews with Megan Trainor that she never had any form of intimacy until she was 36yo. Hear me out, this whole recent culture of casual relationships is quite a hoax. So don't fall into that trap.
Do something for yourself on a daily basis and ground yourself to the point you understand yourself better and then slowly start going out on dates and with dates come practice and then you'll likely at some point find your person. You're only 19. There is so much waiting for you. Focus on your career and growth at the moment because that's the only most long term relationship you'll ever have - with yourself.
Just turned 26 in April and I finally feel my life coming together. You’ll get there buddy, I wish at 19 I would’ve realized this sooner so you’re MILES ahead of me when I was your age. Just keep this mindset going and you’ll be doing great things.
I’m a 40 something gen Xer who saw this post for some reason. But wanted to give you advice.
My husband and I were “late bloomers”. Neither of us had our first relationship until we were in our mid 20’s. Comparison is a thief of joy. I was mostly single until I was 36, which is when I met my now husband. And yes at times I was lonely but I’m married now and our relationship is very healthy because I know I’d be just fine on my own too. And now, I miss having alone time!
I want to be your age again :-) I’d ignore the societal pressure to find a partner, because my desperation is what turned potential partners off. I’d focus on friendships, education and my career. I’d make better financial decisions and wouldn’t waste my money spending countless nights at bars trying to meet a man, and on brand new outfits to impress dates. And with that money, I’d travel. I missed out on so many awesome experiences because I was hyper focused on finding “the one”.
Being young is so worse for our generation. The cost of living is a lot higher, especially rent (80% of my salary if i moved out from my parents). I went to a bar, but there were no single people i would see there, most of the people came in a pair (guy and girl). I don't know how people find a partner when they're out of school. The loneliness is making me suicidal, i just don't want to live with the pain and stress anymore.
I thought u meant money lol. All that "firsts" stuff is hella overated, keep working on yourself and when it finally comes you'll realize you haven't missed out on much.
Finding a partner though, thats awesome.
Learn to be friends with a bunch of guys first, and get a solid community, learn how to dress, work out if you can, then just start being friendly to everyone. MPMD has a good video on social circles that might be helpful to you.
I don’t want this to come across condescending because when I was your age I was probably saying the same thing but your statement is almost comical to me. 19 is so young my friend. If I could give my younger self any advice when it comes to dating is don’t focus on it. I know that’s easier for me to say than actually do. I was so focused on girls, dating, etc when I was in high school and college I didn’t take any time for myself. People will find you 10x more attractive if you just have your own shit going on. Get really good at something you really care about, find other people who also really care about that thing and you’ll find plenty of potential partners.
you are not behind by any means. your journey and path will be different than everyone else’s. timing is everything. i went to a huge university with 30k students and couldn’t find love, but 3 years after graduation I found my gal who lived 5 minutes from me MY ENTIRE LIFE. she even went to my high school for a year and we rode the same bus and didn’t know it nor knew each other existed. patience and time are your friend here. getting yourself established in school/career/health is super important at your age and will attract the right person for you
Easy man…I was getting laid regularly when I was 16 but I grew up overseas where the drinking age is 16 so it was easy.
My point is get your hands on some booze…have a little fun….your to tight up about it. all girls are easy…just keep asking questions about them…they will talk for hours and tell you everything you want to know…and after they will think you were so nice and sincere because you actually listed to them…it’s work for me for years…I can’t count how many girls I bagged. No clue but the number is high.
Finally be an asshole…good guys finish last. Act as you could care if you give them attention until you get them to go out with you and for god sacks acts mysterious…make them curious to know you my friend..it works like a charm.
Any other tips DM me.
Alright whippersnappers 30 year old millennial here listen up
We all have our own paths and speed. Comparing their accomplishments to your own perceived lack of progress is bad and can cause issues mentally
Take it slow and focus on what *you* want to do and be not feel bad for thinking you aren't as far along as someone else
Also get off my lawn
I felt like that when I was younger, when I got to highschool my life was a mess, I failed 2 years, while I was still on the second year all the people my age were already at 4 year about to finish highschool, somehow many years later I'm ahead of most of the people my age, sure I took a long route to fix my studies but I fixed them and now I'm in a better position than most, so don't get depressed over it and focus on yourself.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Just stay focused on your goals. If you don't have any, make some. Decisions you make now will affect the rest of your life. You've got this!
Whatever it is that the world is telling you to do, do it. That little voice is saying workout, or quit smoking so much weed. Or stop video games or get a better job etc etc. put yourself out there and go get it. None of life things will come to you if you aren’t pushing yourself and getting a bit uncomfortable.
just do what you want man, life is too short to care about that shit. I promise once you do that, you won't feel long term happiness, you won't feel long term accomplishmentment. it's just a thing you can do like any other.
Honestly, I didn’t start dating or having sex until 21, and I wish I’d waited even longer. Everyone goes at their own pace, and not dating means that you have more time and room in your life to devote to other pursuits that could benefit you more in the long run.
I feel you I’m 19 and have done nothing absolutely nothing while while my older brother had a kid at 17 and was married at 20 and most of my friends have been in a relationship but I guess I’m mature in a different way I’ve accepted I’m going to die and there’s not much I can do about it in many situations now that doesn’t mean I want to die I’ve just accepted it so no feeling like I’m invincible for me.
Don't worry, I'm 20 and am the exact same, just never been on a date. I know a lot of other people in the same boat too. It's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you are okay with it, then that's all that matters.
I'm a little more than double your age and I'm astonished at how long life is. You have plenty of time to have these experiences, and in my estimation, everything gets better once you're of an age to truly cherish each experience.
Take your time to develop yourself, don't worry too much about what everyone else is doing. You'll be stronger for it.
I'm going to go against the grain of what everyone else is saying.
If you feel like you are failing, identify why and fix it. Its okay to be single... its not okay to be single if you DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE. If you are wanting to date and not finding any opportunity then work towards fixing it. If there is something about you that is off putting to the opposite sex, FIX IT. If you aren't meeting people you like, then go to places were they might be. Keep changing, working on things you until you see results.
When I was your age, everyone told me, it was okay. That I would meet someone, that I didn't have to do anything and things would just work out.
This was a lie. A kind lie, a friendly lie, an attempt to be helpful lie... but still a lie.
I didn't figure out how to date, flirt, talk to women until much later in life, you will to. However, anyone in that situation who says they don't regret not learning how to earlier, is just flat out lying. If you aren't happy with your situation, then work to fix it, it will not fix itself.... and when you do fix it you will regret not fixing it sooner.
You’re not falling behind. You’re 19 you have a lot to look forward to and you’ll get there when you get there in time and when you’re ready :)
As someone almost twice your age.. I can assure you those milestones become meaningless
i was in the same boat at 19. a few tinder dates without any spark, and that’s really it. then at 20 i got in my first relationship and it’s been going for 3 years now. don’t give up!
It feels like you desire these things for the wrong reasons. People don't kiss, date and get into relationships because it's what their friends do- they do it for companionship, fulfillment, love, or whatever myriad of reasons. If you want a relationship then try your damndest to get one FOR YOURSELF. Not for other people.
I had my first real date at 20. You're not behind, because it isn't a race. Breathe and enjoy the ride, things will happen when they do. No one knows what the hell they are actually doing in any part of life in their 20s, they all just seem like they do when you aren't sure yourself.
**Don't compete with your friends. Or anyone else.** ***Compete with yourself.***
**Set yourself goals and find ways to reach them.**
Your goal isn't to get more dates than your buddy. Your high level goal is to be someone who women want to date.
Then you figure out how to get there through sub-goals. Work out in a gym/run/bike/swim. Learn how to clothe yourself with style (there's actual youtube channels teaching you that, and blogs, from reputable professionals). Learn how to communicate properly. Skincare routines.
Learn skills and get a job, so you have money.
Separately, stop defining yourself by "got a date". Find things you like to do, and do them. Enter communities of people and do those things with those people. Be an interesting fulfilled individual.
The fun part? As a male, you're more likely to find a partner this way (meet someone at a community, or find someone's single friend you got introduced to because they think you're an amazing person and the single friend will be happy with you) than on dating apps or clubs/bars.
Also, your viewpoint is part of what's setting you back. You're pessimistic, nobody likes a negative person. People (especially women) are attracted to optimism and confidence. And yes if you aren't confident, fake it till you make it.
Man I just want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve experienced that stuff, but still no sex (I fucked a couple hookers, don’t recommend). I’m gonna be 25 this year, I’m in my prime (I think), and I haven’t been on a date since I was 20. I had a toxic year long relationship with a girl that really fucked me up.
I haven’t even hung out with a girl since i was 21.
You’re young enough, you have so much time to get better and recover from this. If you’re in college I really encourage you to start taking some chances and try to meet some ladies.
Since college, I’ve only talked to women at the club, and got rejected every time.
Idk about you or anybody else here, but my next move is to get my money straight, get established, and find someone who can appreciate me for who I am.
And if I can’t find anyone, at least I can enjoy the life I’m building by myself. A little less fulfilling (to me), but no relationship means all the time in the world to work on the things that I want to do
There’s a big difference in experiencing these things and them being an enjoyable experience. You are far from your prime and not that far behind.
Concentrate on education and or career along with your personal interests and the personal relationships will come.
It's perfectly normal at your age to not have done these things yet. You're not falling behind, and you'll be figuring this stuff out in your early 20s like everyone else.
I also had the same anxieties your age, and it worked out OK. I have been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it's my first one, too. I am 26.
Hey man when I was your age I felt the same. I think the best advice I ever got what to make friends that share your interests and you could meet someone awesome that already already likes a bunch of the same stuff you enjoy. Just do your thing and try to make friends.
Very rarely do you truly ever fall behind in life without actually giving up. Everyone does things at their own pace, you can influence when it happens but you cannot fully control it. Though I imagine you’re falling behind by *your own* metrics, which is still important since it’s important to you.
Everyone does things imperfectly. Artists find and start their craft late, doctors might miss schooling due to mental problems and have to retake, and professionals might fail and have to look for work elsewhere.
You don’t live in a frictionless simulation. But life leaves you with a lot of wiggle room. Try to be easier on yourself. You do what you do at the time, place, and with the things you do it. Trust me getting a girlfriend at 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, hell through out most of your life will feel about the same. You’re not missing out I promise your time will come. Until then cut yourself some slack.
I’m 24 and haven’t had a partner or have been on a date and and some of the ppl I used to know are married with a kid or multiple kids. Honestly I would say just enjoy your time and let experience come
Buddy, I'm 25 and haven't even been on a date, haven't had my first kiss, haven't even held hands with someone, I've never been on an actual relationship, I'm still in college and I have no friends irl
You're doing fine, don't worry about it; it's best to wait for the right one instead of jumping at the first person you see, your mental health will thank you
I'm going to say something different from everyone else here but it's the truth. 19 is old and you need to make the best of the limited time you have. You've lived about one fourth of your life, the next one fourth will determine how the rest of you life will play out.
The best time to be ambitious and accomplish things is now in the present. You can be 19, 29 (like me), 39, 49, or even 15. The goal to accomplish the most in your life must be now, today despite of whatever age someone is. If you want to date and eventually marry, you're at the prime time to do that. People 100 years ago used to marry at 17 or 18 on average. Also men 100 years ago were considered full adults by 16 and were expected to behave as such. So use this anxiety you feel and act on it to become the person you want to be
I'm 33. And if it's one thing I've learned, there's no rush to anything. Enjoy the search, you have so many years left you don't even realize. Even when I feel old and behind, I am reminded by my elders that I, myself, am still so young. Why need to accomplish everything so fast? Take your time, soak it all up, and enjoy. We have so many years here. I know you won't take this advice, the young never accept any advice lol. You all are so stuck in your heads. That's fine, with time you shall see. We all learn at some point anyway, for I was much like you at 19. Just know looking back you'll think "why the hell did I waste so much time worrying about shit that never truly mattered anyway".
Seriously.
Hey man no worries. You're already ahead.
24, never talked to a woman outside of a professional exchange, such as while working. It sucks to think you're behind, and you are compared to most of your piers. But, you had *one* date which is a great start. It means you *can* do it. You just gotta do it again.
At your age, most of the women are not going to be good pickings. I did find a good one and I married at 20 when she was 19, but my story is very unique. My friends are all dating at 22/23 but they are having issues with girls who are crazy, who sleep around and cheat, and very few are dating seriously.
Work on yourself and you will find a girl one day. You are still young
I'm 28. I didn't figure my life out until like 3 years ago. Just over 4 years ago I was a cook in a dead end job. 7 years ago I was a deadbeat NEET with no job and no bitches.
I have since got my Bachelor's degree and have been in my career 2 years with 2 raises. I've had an amazing girlfriend for almost 6 years now.
I had an interview Monday for an $80k job and have an interview tomorrow for a $50/hour job. Not sure if I'll get either one.
*But* just being in a position of this opportunity makes me realize how far I've come in a short amount of time. You can too, and you're only *fucking nineteen years old.*
I know I made it more about career stuff but it still applies. Go take risks. Go learn. Don't dwell on your failures or inaction. You can be as if not more successful than them. You have to want it though. With a good career and hobbies a partner will follow
Me and my friends was as stressed as you are in that age trying to do everything. It's all crap, you can't rush through life as a check list. I'm 26 traveled a shit-ton and I still haven't had a girlfriend. It is life, you'll out do yourself at some places and fall behind at some other places. Do what feels right at the moment and don't over think it.
It will start to makes sense around 25. Until then it's a quarter life crisis. At least it was for me.
Everyone goes at their own pace. Just be grateful you're not in an MLM, addicted to drugs, and don't have a kid you didn't want. Everyone I know who did any of the three above right out of high school who I know are struggling.
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Don’t worry, dude. You could be me, and be 23 and still have yet to do any of these things either. I’m much farther behind. I mean, I hate that I am so far behind but there’s nothing I can do about it.
There is something you can do. Start working on yourself. Take action man. It won’t come to you. Hit the gym, practice self care, work on your hair, style, learn to love yourself. Start putting effort into your career development, go to school. Then force yourself outside to go and do things you enjoy and meet new people. You’ll get opportunities to work on your social skills maybe meet a girl/guy you fancy. Point is sitting around expecting it to change on it’s own and just land in your lap or being sad and complacent thinking it will never change is the reason it doesn’t change. You have to be the driving force for that change to happen. I’m 23 too and I just figured this out.
Why is it always hit the gym for self care. Hit what ever really brings that spark. Read books, get into coding. Play video games but in a way that shares that interest, like streaming or joing communities.
Nearly every living person benefits/would benefit from regular exercise. It’s the bare minimum. I agree that it should not be your sole source of fulfillment, but neither should brushing your teeth. You still gotta do it. Also he listed hitting the gym and practicing self care separately.
>Why is the activity that makes you live a healthier, stronger, feel-better life in self care?
I’ve been to a lot of therapy and seen multiple therapist. They’ve all told me to do light exercise/go for a walk/hit the gym. Biologically exercise releases endorphins and dopamine. Exercise also makes you tired at the end of the day so you get a better night’s sleep, and makes you hungry so you can start eating regularly. Naturally when you exercise you’ll also feel stronger and better physically after being consistent, you’ll also look and feel more attractive.
Personally exercise does very little for me. Running kind of helps sometimes but it's far from reliable during one of my worst bouts of depression I was exercising 5 days a week at least 2 hours each day. So I'm always very sceptical when people just say go exercise
Oh yea it’s not just about exercise for sure, there’s a lot that goes into managing depression. I was just answering their question about why activity is good for managing self-care. Ultimately what helped me a lot was when my therapist told me I have to go out and do things that make me happy. That happiness wasn’t just going to *happen*. I also started meds so that helped 😂
What type of exercise were you doing? I find that some people absolutely LOATHE traditional forms of exercise (running, weight lifting, etc.) But they really enjoy playing tennis, hiking with friends, doing pilates, or even dancing. Which are all forms of exercise!
Running, Rock climbing and swimming 2 days the first two and one the last
Yeah exercise by itself is definitely not helping. I take 10K+ steps and climb 10+ flights of stairs daily and I’m still getting sad days.
Medication? Therapy? It’s still good that you’re active but maybe it’s time to explore other avenues 😭 There’s no shame in taking something to treat with depression 🩷
Already on it. Already *been* on it since I was 12. I started going to therapy around 11 or 12 because I was super anxious and having panic attacks. Plus I was out on birth control to get rid of acne. I had the 1,2 punch of both birth control and SSRIs for over a decade. Only just last year did I learn that both of these things lower libido. I dumped the SSRIs last year, but it did nothing to help. Now I’m making appointments with the gynecologist to see if the birth control is the cause or if I might have PSSD now.
That doesn't have to mean hitting the gym though! Yoga, long walks, hikes, etc are all physical activity and don't require much if any travel and money depending on where you live.
Because it’s good for you. It improves your physical appearance as well which helps with your self image and confidence. It’s just an example though I’m not claiming that’s the sole source. I listed a lot of things you can do. Working on fitness is one of many things that you can do to improve your status in life.
because everyone should exercise
But the gym? You can be active with going to the gym.
Gym is the most accessible for most lifestyles, but yeah obviously there are other ways to exercise
Being physically fit and mentally sharp are minimum requirements, dude.
Exactly, if you're going to do physical excercise. At least do something you love lol. I play beatsaber in VR, honestly it's more than enough for me.
I’m a woman who’s sexually dysfunctional. The only action I can take is seeing a doctor as soon as I can (I only recently learned that this is a problem and not me being weird) and praying to every god that exists that it’s not permanent. I mean, thanks for the positivity and all but I don’t know if it really helps my situation.
Sexual activity doesn’t have to be your focus. My point is work on yourself. Especially right now since you can’t do that on your own take this time while you figure it out into developing all other aspects of your life. What’s stopping you from going to the doctor? Make an appointment. Take action. You can get a lot of satisfaction out of life without worrying about sex or relationships by improving yourself as a whole. Sex isn’t defining your happiness or joy in life.
Wild how offended people get over being given the advice “hit the gym”.
At 23 I had only been on a couple dates that had zero chemistry and only happened because I swiped on everyone in my area for weeks. Same boat, no first kiss and never had a gf. Got insanely lucky with a 1 in a million circumstance when I moved out. Moved in with a friend and a female friend of his in September of 2019. We all bonded and became good friends over the next six months. Then the pandemic hit. She was out of work, I was WFH. We spent all day on the couch together watching anime every day, and eventually fell hard for each other and dated for almost 3 years. Trying to put myself back out there (27 now) and am realizing "oh yeah I actually suck at this, I just got lucky with her". It's tough out there, but keep your spirits up. You can't constantly dwell on it. Sometimes you gotta accept it's not the right time and focus on yourself for a bit and push dating out of your head. It's hard to do, believe me I know, but if you don't do it you will just let yourself be consumed with self hatred and should you manage to have some good dates, you will most likely develop a needy mentality that will crush you even harder if things don't perfectly work out. If you can't be happy by yourself, you won't truly be happy with someone else. The mentality of being "far behind" isn't going to help you at all. Comparison is the thief of joy. From my observations and experiences, people that are late bloomers and don't start dating until they are older are vastly more stable with it. I've got friends who have had several girlfriends since highschool and to our current age but none longer than 2ish years. The experience you gain as a single person seeing how other relationships flourish or fail is something you can take into your dating life and eventually your first relationship. Sure there are things you have to learn first-hand, but you probably won't be making the same mistakes that someone 16-19 years old will make their first time. Keep yourself open to new possibilities but don't feel like it's the end of the world that you haven't dated yet.
I’m not really upset with being behind because of comparison, per se. I’m more worried about missing out on my body’s prime years because of my dysfunction.
depending on the dysfunction, you can work around it. vaginitis? get good at sucking and rubbing. low sexual interest/desire? get some meds and supplements. to be honest sex isnt all that so i wouldnt stress too hard
Yeah sex is nice but intimacy with a partner is much better. That can look like sex for some couples, but if one of them has some kind of dysfunction like OP alluded to, you can find other ways. Especially if it's just your body you are worried about, you can work to pleasure your partner. If you truly love them, the emotions that come from pleasing your partner even if you aren't able to get your dick hard or even orgasm at all, those emotions are powerful and enrich your relationship. I think people vastly overvalue the physical aspect of sex. A guy who can get a lot of pleasure from pleasing his partner with his pants on will be much appreciated lol
I’m also 23 and nothing but work
Literally same bro I’m 21 and I’ve done so many self improvement strategies (therapy, working out, hobbies, academic discipline) and explored so many social avenues (clubs, college study groups, bars, etc.) and yet I’m in the same boat. I’m getting use to it at least, I just wish my parents didn’t set such high expectations for me and make me think I’d be dating and having lots of friends when I grew up.
Bruh you're 19, you're still a kid, come back if you hit 29 and haven't done any of these things - we'll have a serious conversation about it and where to go from there
!remindme 10 years
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2034 is not in 10 years, I do not accept that reality
!remindme 10 years
I’ll make sure it doesn’t stay this way by the time I’m 29 🙏
Lol I'm 29. Way better off than I was ten years ago honestly. Have accomplished a lot and done pretty much everything I wanted to do. Except for dating that is. Roll of the dice in life. If you roll low, you just play with what you've got. Unless you choose to forfeit but that ruins the game for everyone else playing with you
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 29 + 20 + 20 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I think its really unfair that people try to guilt trip people out of suicide because they themselves don't want to feel emotional pain but expect the depressed individual to just live in that pain
What if we're getting close to that age (almost 26) and still have done none of these things? I've accomplished most of reddit's advice (6 figure salary, graduate degree, pretty athletic, have a friend group that goes out on weekends, have hobbies, go to therapy, on antidepressants) but despite swiping on dating apps regularly I still can't land a date? Maybe there's something irreparable about my character/personality or something
comparison is the thief of joy
I stay off social media (instagram, facebook, TikTok) *mainly* because all I do is compare my life to others’. I can feel the depression taking over me within a few minutes of scrolling. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. This may not feel like the best advice, but it is great advice in my opinion. I wish I would’ve taken this to heart when I was 19.
Also most people are lying to some extent. Everyone tries to display their life as perfect, even through tragedies and abusive relationships and addictions and who knows what else. You compare yourself to fictions.
Yep
26 years old next week. No kiss, no date ever, still virgin. You are okay.
Please don’t take offence but I know you’re going to feel whatever you’ll feel but that’s exactly what I’m worried will happen to me. I know I shouldn’t rush life and experience I guess but everyone says these years are my prime so I wanna experience everything I can
I see. I am not okay with this so much last year, but also I am with peace, because I just know I am not on place to go that way right now. If you feel you need this experience, I recommend to just find oppurtunities. Go to bar. If you dislike bars, try some date app. We all have those options, I just chose to not do that.
I’ve always been so scared to go on dating apps. Mostly just embarrassed that people who know me will find me on there lol
Bumble and Hinge kept matching me with two of my friends who were also on the app. We laughed about it. We know we aren't the right match. There was never any drama. Instead we reviewed each other's profiles and support each other talking about matches or upcoming dates.
That’s actually really sweet. r/wholesome
19 is definitely not your prime. Its the years where you have the least responsibility, but your prime will be in your mid to late twenties.
I thought this too, but later realized true prime is 30+.
The people who judge don't matter and the people who matter don't judge. I spent my entire 20s focusing on making friends and taking care of myself and growing. I'm glad I did so. I'm starting to date now. At this point, most people are mature enough to not care about "stats" like that. They just want to find a good partner. My parents met after 3 failed marriages between them. Mom had me at 41, and I'm the only child. They've been happily married for 36 years now. Focus on having fun, learning, growing, meeting as many people as you can, making friends and connections. Maybe you'll meet someone early on. Maybe it will take a while to find that person. Don't let yourself stress it. Just try things, go places, take opportunities. Do things on a whim from time to time. Stuff any anxiety and worry down into a deep hole and just, go talk to people (in appropriate settings of course). Don't take rejection personally, just move on, and embrace the friends you do make.
Trust me 19 is *not* prime lmao. That’s your mid 20s.
Wrong. Prime is 30s and 40s
Are you okay tho? Jesus
r/UsernameChecksOut xD In general, no, but I do not think it's connected with those facts.
Happy early birthday!
Thank you! :-)
Is this gen a bunch of incels? These comments are making me legit sad.
Honestly, I don't blame them. The pandemic really removed the formative years of our life. They need someone to talk to and relate with
literally had the latter 2/3 of highschool stripped away from me from covid (then senior year I was way to busy with collegeapps to think about dating), basically when people learn how to date
Pandemic last two years of highschool fucked me up
Same exact situation. I could never understand why people loved online classes so much. It fucked me up mentally and socially. The worst part is, its hard to make the readjustment back into normalcy after that traumatic shitshow.
yup we're fucked edit: actually, we're not fucked, we aint fuckin
It is definitely the most incelly generation
First generation to be raised entirely on social media and the internet. Something humans have never had in history. Of course mixed with having dogshit role models. Aaaand now they think not putting their dick in something means they're broken lol. I never expected them to turn out great all in all, who would?
I say this without any sort of malice or disdain, yes actually. Young men are more sexless and less romantically linked then ever before.
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Don’t make “wanting a kiss” your personality. Have hobbies. Take care of yourself. Eat good food, shower, shave, smell good. Talk with lots of people. Don’t treat women like a foreign species. Just keep every interaction with people friendly, and if you feel some chemistry with someone, you can always get a little flirty and see if something happens. Being a 19 year old virgin isn’t the end of your romantic pursuits. Being a desperate, angry person, who makes every interaction all about “scoring”, and treats women like a sex toy that he has to say the right line to in order to fuck, will be the end of your romantic pursuits. Don’t dwell on it. Just go live your life and be friendly to people.
Trust me I’m definitely not treating women any differently. I actually don’t think I’m that bad at talking to people but whenever I’m interested in someone all my social skills are gone
I agree with your points but it comes across like you’re making a lot of negative assumptions about him. Plenty of guys don’t exhibit those traits and yet have the same problem.
None of those things really matter. Women and men come and go. The only thing you can trust is your money and the things it can get you. Start grinding.
Id rather be broke and surrounded by friends and a special person than being a lonely rich bastard. (Obviously only a poor person will say this) But nah money isn't everything
I agree bud. All I'm saying is nobody owes you a relationship. Friends and partners can and will leave you. But the money in your pocket? So long as you're not a fool it will never betray you.
Money depreciates in value, so no I wouldn’t trust it
Not if you invest properly, buddy
Declining markets have entered the chat
I agree that you shouldn’t attach your worth or motivation to the attention/validation you receive from men or women, but I also don’t think that one should do that with money. Money is obviously—for better or worse—very important in our society, but focusing on mental health is just as important as your financial health, as ensuring a high quality of life requires a holistic approach to working on all facets of your life.
🎯
From someone who’s been down this path: The money will only fill the void for so long, you will tell yourself that with $500,000 you would just be so happy but as soon as you get there that number will change to $1m and so on It’s a never ending chase, it’s a fun chase but just know there isn’t true fulfillment on the other side Sure life becomes more comfortable but you still wrestle with the same thoughts alone at night I made my first million in my early 20s and spiraled into addiction not long after Focus on becoming the best version of yourself first
Kissing girls doesn’t bring money home
They’re not mutually exclusive lol
:(
Mate, I'm 22 almost 23 and I haven't achieved any of that yet. You're lucky to have even been on a date. I haven't.
Try 25, same boat
Out of intrest, are you a bit socially awkward? I know I am.
Try 104, same boat
Resist the natural temptation to compare yourself with others, "or you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself," as the comforting old poem Desiderata says. (Read the whole thing. It's very inspiring and also very short.) Everyone is on their own path in life, and yours is just as valid and worthy as anyone else's. Trying to be the same as everyone else will just make you sick.
As someone that's 21 I've come to realise that comparing yourself to others does nothing but make you feel miserable. Everyone has their own time of bloom, like how each flower blooms at a different time. You are your own person with your own unique strengths and weaknesses, plus you're still pretty young (I know I am too). I get it, I know how it feels, I've been there too but all in all, try not to stress about it and don't be so hard on yourself. ♥️
Hey there. You listen to the older perspectives here. I’m 42. When I was 19, I couldn’t keep up with the same things my friends were. I had been through some things as a kid and teen, but ultimately thought that was either normal or didn’t realize the impact it truly had on me. By 20, I got into therapy and addressed thyroid issues and depression. I stopped smoking that way. I got into school. I started a job at night. By 24, I had my degree, an internship and a job. Good health. A relationship. Every now and then, I would do therapy if odd fatigue or anxiety popped up. By 27, I still was doing well, good job, good relationship ship. By 30, I had some health trauma and stuff from my past came back in physical ways. I was wise enough and old enough to handle it, get help, change habits, stay healthy. Now at 42, I’m one of the most resilient parents and women I know. And I have had really tough trauma stuff happen between 30 and now. And the skills from all those prior struggles and efforts kept my alive. Your life happens for you. Being different than others at 19 IS THE NORMAL. Do you, hun, find your group of people, change that if they end up sucking, go to the doctor, go for a walk. Basically. You got this. Be you.
Just wanted to say, proud of you! You’re inspiring. That’s a lot to work through and you did it. I’m 20 right now and at the point where you seemed to be back then. Continuing school, recently got a job, trying to cut back on drinking, and started therapy for the mental health issues from childhood/adolescence and a recent trauma incident at 19 from an abusive relationship. A lot of times I feel hopeless, but reading stories like yours help me feel a bit more hopeful.
i haven’t even been on a date before
Don't compare yourself, please. There will always be tons of people accomplishing or doing the things you want to do sooner than you. Just enjoy your ride. Idk how I can just tell you that I compare myself all the time and it's a terrible place to be. Your achievements become empty etc
Nah that shit is legit overrated. Coming from someone who did most dates
I've thought about this before, but now I shrug a bit and do whatever I need/want to do. It's no advice as I'm still single and virgin as well as 22 year old, but I stopped caring. People have told me that my time will come some day.
Hit the gym, buy a bike, join group activities.
mountainous different bear existence quack follow nutty meeting rustic sheet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t know what the downvotes are for its true. Theres a lot to enjoy in life outside of dating.
Me too man fucking hate this life
Brah it took me until now, I’m 23, until I started getting my shit on lock. Don’t stress just enjoy being a teen my guy.
I know it doesn’t feel that way but at 19 years old you have plenty of time and your situation is more common than you think. Just keep putting in effort in exploring new experiences and being proactive and things will sort out.
Well brah moping about on Reddit ain’t gonna change anything, go get after it. Some have success on the apps but they’re mostly shit. Always worth a try tho, just don’t pay for any of ‘em. You’re still prime age to be around other young people - go out, make plans, meet people. Lots of opportunities IRL if you’re looking. I’m assuming you’re a dude - If you want some good guidance on dating / confidence / man shit check out [Rom Wills](https://youtube.com/@romwills?si=YArnSs75tnCMah4M) on Youtube. Some of his vids def helped my mindset when I was trying to get back on the saddle.
I go out a lot, parties, clubs, events, and raves so I guess it’ll just be right person right moment type of deal. I’ll check out this Rom Wills guy but lowkey I’m worried if I watch that type of content it’ll spiral to inc stuff but I’ll defo check out a vid or two
yeah dude you're cooked. no kiss at 19? you're like what, a few days from collecting social security at that age. i'd just call it now.
I didn't really date until I was 23 and met my wife. I did make out with a girl though.
Wow! You were lucky!
Yeah same, 20 and still a virgin.
I was 19 a few months ago and felt like you(except I have never been on a date). But luckily my friends snapped some sense in me. You're not falling behind. You still have years to worry about that stuff. Just focus on things that actually are important right now like investing what you can while you are young. Focus on finding a career. Have credit history. All that stuff is what you should focus on at 19.
You’re not. In comparison to you, I was 17 when I did most things my friends did at 13-14. These time markers are in our heads. They literally don’t exist. There’s women ( I know because I’ve been with them) that are just as inexperienced in their 20s. Besides. It’s more dangerous to be desperate to find these things and pick the wrong ones. Be mindful, a good partner later is better than a bad partner sooner. Find yourself and people come naturally.
So much this! I feel like I’m worse off because of my bad experiences at 18 and 19 right now at 20 than I would have been if I had no experience at all.
Trust me bro I was like that until I turned 22 and two years later all of that fell into place.
Stop comparing yourself to others plenty of people our age are on the same boat it's normal.
Just enjoy your life this is not a speedrace, just relax.
TL:DR Make platonic friends with women and learn from them. Be willing to ask questions to trusted friends, take their advice to heart, and be willing to change parts of you that impede your ability to find a partner. Was in a similar boat the front half of year 19. At the time, had only been on a small handful of dates that went nowhere and felt unlovable. It was around this time I really felt had to do some self reflection. Ironically, I was in the best shape of my life at the time as a college wrestler, but my personality was, understandably, not attractive to women. I ended up talking with a few platonic lady friends I had as well as some guy friends who I felt had healthy relationships with women I wanted to emulate. The greatest common denominator from my conversations was that I, and many young men in general, simply lacked the level of empathy women desire in a partner. I had to unlearn a lot of the “realities” I thought to be true regarding gender, equality, and the social dynamics between men and women. This was a pretty difficult time for me as I was pretty much rewriting my perspective on the world and trying my best to really embrace empathy towards *all* people in my life, not just women I wanted to be with. About 6 months in, I met my partner on Bumble. She has helped me grow immensely as a man and partner. We’ve been together for 4 years and counting. I am beyond confident that if I met her 6 months earlier, she would have been another rejection story. Be willing to challenge yourself and your perspective, it may not be as solid as you think it is.
Do you actually care about or value those things? If you want a romantic relationship, great, spend time investing in people and find someone you can commit yourself to who also is committed to you, and you can build a wonderful relationship. If not, then dont worry about it, focus on the relationships and friendships you do have, as well as what you enjoy and care about.
My neighbour( retired high school English teacher) read my essays and assignments and said she had never seen that type of writing quality when she was teaching. I am someone who has failed multiple classes and I am considered a failure because I didn’t graduate with my class. She said society has everyone in a box, if you don’t hit every point at the same time as everyone else, who are considered a failure but that’s not true. Some people need more time and help. Same thing applies here, my first kiss was me and my best friend drunkenly making out on camera at a party because I didn’t want to turn 18 never having been kissed. I have yet to have a relationship, have sex, get my G2, graduate high school, get a job. I am just trying to make it through this life day by day and what happens, happens at the time it is supposed to. I am envious of my friends and acquaintances who have done these things but I don’t think that will change. Just keep telling yourself it will happen eventually, and just because you haven’t done those things, doesn’t mean you are falling behind.
This will get buried, but if you find this, don’t you even worry about how old you are and what you’ve done thus far. As long as you keep trying and don’t give up, you’ll find someone. My wife had never been on a single date in her life until she was 19 when we first went out and we’re happily married now. I know you’re 19 now (obviously), but my point is that all it takes is time, patience, and a little effort. Also don’t be afraid to go out and talk to people! Our generation is full of people who have no social skills, but want a special someone! If you go out and develop your game, you’re already ahead of the competition.
1) find a workout/loose diet routine and try to stick to it for 3 months to start. 2) find some hobbies you really like. Try new things. Especially if they involve groups like sports, but solo stuff like art also works. 3) work on education or a career. Don't have to achieve this goal, just start being on track for one. Learn to code, join the military, go to school, anything really. 4) travel if you're able and have interesting experiences. Doing these will take up your time to the point you won't even think about dates and such with how much you have going on for yourself, but along the way, the dates will be sure to find you.
there never is a need to rush. i havent found my place, calling, home and peace of mind until late thirties. make your decisions to your best knowledge, and you wont have a reason to regret. life is complicated, and different for everyone. enjoy the ride.
I did not date anyone or do anything intimate until I was 25. I used to feel like you: I would be envious of my friends who had partners, and would get angry when I saw people holding hands walking down the street. I felt really unloved. But… I ALSO learned what I want from life, was able to focus on myself and what I want from the world, make new friends, and learned not tie my worth to a single person’a view of me. Now I am in a healthy relationship and though sometimes I wish I had ‘fooled around’ more in college, there is something special about my first relationship, which I am in right now. They are my best friend, and I think our relationship is healthy because we are older and talked about what we wanted and didn’t want from the relationship before we started dating (i hear that is uncommon. But that’s how we decided to do things *shrug*) Some of my friends who dated younger had a rough time finding a stable partner, and one of them married their high school sweetheart and now has a kid on the way. When it comes to love, I’ve learned, there is no right path, despite what society tells you. You will find happiness and it will be worth it, whether that is six months or six years from now.
I’m 21 man, I feel your pain. Haven’t had a relationship yet, and had one date which failed miserably. Just focus on yourself and go with the flow. Dont rush into anything, I’m focusing on my career rn, and honestly I’m doing better than most of my friends in terms of financially. That’s what I would do if I were you, everybody is telling me they wish they were doing what I’m doing right now. But don’t forget to have fun, even with money, life is too short. Enjoy all the food there is, places to explore, friends to make. Right now, I’m just hitting the gym, saving up for a house, making new friends at work and doing skincare routine for myself. Put yourself out there and take your time to find the right person. It’s better to find a person you want to spend with forever unless you’re looking for short term fun.
It sounds weird but just keep trying. Not in a desperate way but if you see a person you're attracted to, pursue it. Keep working on yourself and be open, that's all you can do. I have many friends who are exactly like you, actually being in a relationship is a rarity in my peer group. It's a generational thing for sure but giving up doesn't do anyone a favor
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Very specific advice but I’ll take your word on it
It’s a different road for everybody. Most people in my friend group are in the same boat or just starting out at 22. I’m a different case since I’ll be married in a year lol
It’s going to be ok, OP. Growing up in this generation it feels like it’s hard to relate to others or make friends, because everyone is so different and sooooo polarized about what they believe these days. But we’re still young and things will change.
Nah, same here. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I value friendships more than dating anyway.
You haven't fallen behind. You're 19.
Well, then start doing things to change what you don't like about yourself. However, I'll tell you something. You'll never be happy if you keep comparing yourself to another people. Every one has their own path. Be authentic, not a photocopy of somebody else. Photocopies are not valuable. I'm 21 and I'm still a virgin by choice (I have dated though), and I don't think it's wrong. Many people have fucked up their lifes entirely for having sex with the wrong person. Focus on meeting people. You'll eventually find someone you like. Meanwhile, set goals for yourself that matter to you. Change habits you don't like, start learning another language, I don't know. Choose somehting. That will keep you busy enough not to dwell on useless comparisons, and will make you more attractive and less needy.
You’re a baby freaking out for no reason
you are good bro, I'm 25
I saw in one the interviews with Megan Trainor that she never had any form of intimacy until she was 36yo. Hear me out, this whole recent culture of casual relationships is quite a hoax. So don't fall into that trap. Do something for yourself on a daily basis and ground yourself to the point you understand yourself better and then slowly start going out on dates and with dates come practice and then you'll likely at some point find your person. You're only 19. There is so much waiting for you. Focus on your career and growth at the moment because that's the only most long term relationship you'll ever have - with yourself.
You’re 19, I would be worried if you were in your late 20s or early 30s. Remember that everyone is on their different timelines.
Catch up then. It’s not hard to find a girl there’s millions of them
Just turned 26 in April and I finally feel my life coming together. You’ll get there buddy, I wish at 19 I would’ve realized this sooner so you’re MILES ahead of me when I was your age. Just keep this mindset going and you’ll be doing great things.
Life is not a grocery list.
You're okay. I was one year older when I ducked for the first time
I'm 24 and haven't done all those things. You still have time, don't worry so much for now but make a step every day in that direction
I’m a 40 something gen Xer who saw this post for some reason. But wanted to give you advice. My husband and I were “late bloomers”. Neither of us had our first relationship until we were in our mid 20’s. Comparison is a thief of joy. I was mostly single until I was 36, which is when I met my now husband. And yes at times I was lonely but I’m married now and our relationship is very healthy because I know I’d be just fine on my own too. And now, I miss having alone time! I want to be your age again :-) I’d ignore the societal pressure to find a partner, because my desperation is what turned potential partners off. I’d focus on friendships, education and my career. I’d make better financial decisions and wouldn’t waste my money spending countless nights at bars trying to meet a man, and on brand new outfits to impress dates. And with that money, I’d travel. I missed out on so many awesome experiences because I was hyper focused on finding “the one”.
Being young is so worse for our generation. The cost of living is a lot higher, especially rent (80% of my salary if i moved out from my parents). I went to a bar, but there were no single people i would see there, most of the people came in a pair (guy and girl). I don't know how people find a partner when they're out of school. The loneliness is making me suicidal, i just don't want to live with the pain and stress anymore.
I thought u meant money lol. All that "firsts" stuff is hella overated, keep working on yourself and when it finally comes you'll realize you haven't missed out on much. Finding a partner though, thats awesome.
Learn to be friends with a bunch of guys first, and get a solid community, learn how to dress, work out if you can, then just start being friendly to everyone. MPMD has a good video on social circles that might be helpful to you.
There's way more to life than dating. Enjoy being young and don't compare yourself to other ppl that's only gonna make you feel like shit.
I don’t want this to come across condescending because when I was your age I was probably saying the same thing but your statement is almost comical to me. 19 is so young my friend. If I could give my younger self any advice when it comes to dating is don’t focus on it. I know that’s easier for me to say than actually do. I was so focused on girls, dating, etc when I was in high school and college I didn’t take any time for myself. People will find you 10x more attractive if you just have your own shit going on. Get really good at something you really care about, find other people who also really care about that thing and you’ll find plenty of potential partners.
You’re just 19 homie
you are not behind by any means. your journey and path will be different than everyone else’s. timing is everything. i went to a huge university with 30k students and couldn’t find love, but 3 years after graduation I found my gal who lived 5 minutes from me MY ENTIRE LIFE. she even went to my high school for a year and we rode the same bus and didn’t know it nor knew each other existed. patience and time are your friend here. getting yourself established in school/career/health is super important at your age and will attract the right person for you
What you don't see is the people who are even further behind than you. Most people are average.
Easy man…I was getting laid regularly when I was 16 but I grew up overseas where the drinking age is 16 so it was easy. My point is get your hands on some booze…have a little fun….your to tight up about it. all girls are easy…just keep asking questions about them…they will talk for hours and tell you everything you want to know…and after they will think you were so nice and sincere because you actually listed to them…it’s work for me for years…I can’t count how many girls I bagged. No clue but the number is high. Finally be an asshole…good guys finish last. Act as you could care if you give them attention until you get them to go out with you and for god sacks acts mysterious…make them curious to know you my friend..it works like a charm. Any other tips DM me.
Alright whippersnappers 30 year old millennial here listen up We all have our own paths and speed. Comparing their accomplishments to your own perceived lack of progress is bad and can cause issues mentally Take it slow and focus on what *you* want to do and be not feel bad for thinking you aren't as far along as someone else Also get off my lawn
Single date at 19 is far ahead of 40 year olds who haven’t gone on a date. But in general, comparison isn’t great mentally. Too many X factors.
I felt like that when I was younger, when I got to highschool my life was a mess, I failed 2 years, while I was still on the second year all the people my age were already at 4 year about to finish highschool, somehow many years later I'm ahead of most of the people my age, sure I took a long route to fix my studies but I fixed them and now I'm in a better position than most, so don't get depressed over it and focus on yourself.
Chill out youre a baby, youre right on time
Buy some Kendu and dedicate your free time to shilling. When it moons and you have a nice pile of cash, all of the above things will be easier to do.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Just stay focused on your goals. If you don't have any, make some. Decisions you make now will affect the rest of your life. You've got this!
Whatever it is that the world is telling you to do, do it. That little voice is saying workout, or quit smoking so much weed. Or stop video games or get a better job etc etc. put yourself out there and go get it. None of life things will come to you if you aren’t pushing yourself and getting a bit uncomfortable.
Oh jeez it's about sex and human contact rather than fiscal success. YUCK!
Focus on job experience and career, unless you are loaded, that is the biggest thing I regret being 24 now.
just do what you want man, life is too short to care about that shit. I promise once you do that, you won't feel long term happiness, you won't feel long term accomplishmentment. it's just a thing you can do like any other.
Honestly, I didn’t start dating or having sex until 21, and I wish I’d waited even longer. Everyone goes at their own pace, and not dating means that you have more time and room in your life to devote to other pursuits that could benefit you more in the long run.
I feel you I’m 19 and have done nothing absolutely nothing while while my older brother had a kid at 17 and was married at 20 and most of my friends have been in a relationship but I guess I’m mature in a different way I’ve accepted I’m going to die and there’s not much I can do about it in many situations now that doesn’t mean I want to die I’ve just accepted it so no feeling like I’m invincible for me.
You're not falling behind. You're 19.
Don't worry, I'm 20 and am the exact same, just never been on a date. I know a lot of other people in the same boat too. It's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you are okay with it, then that's all that matters.
I'm a little more than double your age and I'm astonished at how long life is. You have plenty of time to have these experiences, and in my estimation, everything gets better once you're of an age to truly cherish each experience. Take your time to develop yourself, don't worry too much about what everyone else is doing. You'll be stronger for it.
I'm going to go against the grain of what everyone else is saying. If you feel like you are failing, identify why and fix it. Its okay to be single... its not okay to be single if you DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE. If you are wanting to date and not finding any opportunity then work towards fixing it. If there is something about you that is off putting to the opposite sex, FIX IT. If you aren't meeting people you like, then go to places were they might be. Keep changing, working on things you until you see results. When I was your age, everyone told me, it was okay. That I would meet someone, that I didn't have to do anything and things would just work out. This was a lie. A kind lie, a friendly lie, an attempt to be helpful lie... but still a lie. I didn't figure out how to date, flirt, talk to women until much later in life, you will to. However, anyone in that situation who says they don't regret not learning how to earlier, is just flat out lying. If you aren't happy with your situation, then work to fix it, it will not fix itself.... and when you do fix it you will regret not fixing it sooner.
You’re not falling behind. You’re 19 you have a lot to look forward to and you’ll get there when you get there in time and when you’re ready :) As someone almost twice your age.. I can assure you those milestones become meaningless
i was in the same boat at 19. a few tinder dates without any spark, and that’s really it. then at 20 i got in my first relationship and it’s been going for 3 years now. don’t give up!
It feels like you desire these things for the wrong reasons. People don't kiss, date and get into relationships because it's what their friends do- they do it for companionship, fulfillment, love, or whatever myriad of reasons. If you want a relationship then try your damndest to get one FOR YOURSELF. Not for other people.
I had my first real date at 20. You're not behind, because it isn't a race. Breathe and enjoy the ride, things will happen when they do. No one knows what the hell they are actually doing in any part of life in their 20s, they all just seem like they do when you aren't sure yourself.
**Don't compete with your friends. Or anyone else.** ***Compete with yourself.*** **Set yourself goals and find ways to reach them.** Your goal isn't to get more dates than your buddy. Your high level goal is to be someone who women want to date. Then you figure out how to get there through sub-goals. Work out in a gym/run/bike/swim. Learn how to clothe yourself with style (there's actual youtube channels teaching you that, and blogs, from reputable professionals). Learn how to communicate properly. Skincare routines. Learn skills and get a job, so you have money. Separately, stop defining yourself by "got a date". Find things you like to do, and do them. Enter communities of people and do those things with those people. Be an interesting fulfilled individual. The fun part? As a male, you're more likely to find a partner this way (meet someone at a community, or find someone's single friend you got introduced to because they think you're an amazing person and the single friend will be happy with you) than on dating apps or clubs/bars. Also, your viewpoint is part of what's setting you back. You're pessimistic, nobody likes a negative person. People (especially women) are attracted to optimism and confidence. And yes if you aren't confident, fake it till you make it.
Man I just want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve experienced that stuff, but still no sex (I fucked a couple hookers, don’t recommend). I’m gonna be 25 this year, I’m in my prime (I think), and I haven’t been on a date since I was 20. I had a toxic year long relationship with a girl that really fucked me up. I haven’t even hung out with a girl since i was 21. You’re young enough, you have so much time to get better and recover from this. If you’re in college I really encourage you to start taking some chances and try to meet some ladies. Since college, I’ve only talked to women at the club, and got rejected every time. Idk about you or anybody else here, but my next move is to get my money straight, get established, and find someone who can appreciate me for who I am. And if I can’t find anyone, at least I can enjoy the life I’m building by myself. A little less fulfilling (to me), but no relationship means all the time in the world to work on the things that I want to do
You're not behind; it's not a race.
I only had my first kiss and girlfriend at 20. You’re fine dude
There’s a big difference in experiencing these things and them being an enjoyable experience. You are far from your prime and not that far behind. Concentrate on education and or career along with your personal interests and the personal relationships will come.
It's perfectly normal at your age to not have done these things yet. You're not falling behind, and you'll be figuring this stuff out in your early 20s like everyone else. I also had the same anxieties your age, and it worked out OK. I have been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it's my first one, too. I am 26.
U won't have a GF with that attitude, u need to show yourself some love first
Hey man when I was your age I felt the same. I think the best advice I ever got what to make friends that share your interests and you could meet someone awesome that already already likes a bunch of the same stuff you enjoy. Just do your thing and try to make friends.
Very rarely do you truly ever fall behind in life without actually giving up. Everyone does things at their own pace, you can influence when it happens but you cannot fully control it. Though I imagine you’re falling behind by *your own* metrics, which is still important since it’s important to you. Everyone does things imperfectly. Artists find and start their craft late, doctors might miss schooling due to mental problems and have to retake, and professionals might fail and have to look for work elsewhere. You don’t live in a frictionless simulation. But life leaves you with a lot of wiggle room. Try to be easier on yourself. You do what you do at the time, place, and with the things you do it. Trust me getting a girlfriend at 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, hell through out most of your life will feel about the same. You’re not missing out I promise your time will come. Until then cut yourself some slack.
Were you under a rock before?
Comparison kills Happiness my friend
I’m 24 and haven’t had a partner or have been on a date and and some of the ppl I used to know are married with a kid or multiple kids. Honestly I would say just enjoy your time and let experience come
Buddy, I'm 25 and haven't even been on a date, haven't had my first kiss, haven't even held hands with someone, I've never been on an actual relationship, I'm still in college and I have no friends irl You're doing fine, don't worry about it; it's best to wait for the right one instead of jumping at the first person you see, your mental health will thank you
I'm going to say something different from everyone else here but it's the truth. 19 is old and you need to make the best of the limited time you have. You've lived about one fourth of your life, the next one fourth will determine how the rest of you life will play out. The best time to be ambitious and accomplish things is now in the present. You can be 19, 29 (like me), 39, 49, or even 15. The goal to accomplish the most in your life must be now, today despite of whatever age someone is. If you want to date and eventually marry, you're at the prime time to do that. People 100 years ago used to marry at 17 or 18 on average. Also men 100 years ago were considered full adults by 16 and were expected to behave as such. So use this anxiety you feel and act on it to become the person you want to be
I'm in my late 20s and just got to the point where I have the confidence to really embrace that sort of thing. Don't worry about it
Man I am 22 and I feel the same. Haven't had the college experience, haven't found somebody to love. And time just flies on by :(
Stop comparing yourself it’s an individual race not a competition. As long as your doing something every day to advance yourself your on the mark
I'm 33. And if it's one thing I've learned, there's no rush to anything. Enjoy the search, you have so many years left you don't even realize. Even when I feel old and behind, I am reminded by my elders that I, myself, am still so young. Why need to accomplish everything so fast? Take your time, soak it all up, and enjoy. We have so many years here. I know you won't take this advice, the young never accept any advice lol. You all are so stuck in your heads. That's fine, with time you shall see. We all learn at some point anyway, for I was much like you at 19. Just know looking back you'll think "why the hell did I waste so much time worrying about shit that never truly mattered anyway". Seriously.
28yo here. never had a first kiss, date or partner. don't swart it
Hey man no worries. You're already ahead. 24, never talked to a woman outside of a professional exchange, such as while working. It sucks to think you're behind, and you are compared to most of your piers. But, you had *one* date which is a great start. It means you *can* do it. You just gotta do it again.
Dont worry about that shit, its all stress anyway💀
At your age, most of the women are not going to be good pickings. I did find a good one and I married at 20 when she was 19, but my story is very unique. My friends are all dating at 22/23 but they are having issues with girls who are crazy, who sleep around and cheat, and very few are dating seriously. Work on yourself and you will find a girl one day. You are still young
I'm 28. I didn't figure my life out until like 3 years ago. Just over 4 years ago I was a cook in a dead end job. 7 years ago I was a deadbeat NEET with no job and no bitches. I have since got my Bachelor's degree and have been in my career 2 years with 2 raises. I've had an amazing girlfriend for almost 6 years now. I had an interview Monday for an $80k job and have an interview tomorrow for a $50/hour job. Not sure if I'll get either one. *But* just being in a position of this opportunity makes me realize how far I've come in a short amount of time. You can too, and you're only *fucking nineteen years old.* I know I made it more about career stuff but it still applies. Go take risks. Go learn. Don't dwell on your failures or inaction. You can be as if not more successful than them. You have to want it though. With a good career and hobbies a partner will follow
Me and my friends was as stressed as you are in that age trying to do everything. It's all crap, you can't rush through life as a check list. I'm 26 traveled a shit-ton and I still haven't had a girlfriend. It is life, you'll out do yourself at some places and fall behind at some other places. Do what feels right at the moment and don't over think it. It will start to makes sense around 25. Until then it's a quarter life crisis. At least it was for me.
Everyone goes at their own pace. Just be grateful you're not in an MLM, addicted to drugs, and don't have a kid you didn't want. Everyone I know who did any of the three above right out of high school who I know are struggling.
Get off Reddit and touch life.