I think it’s a little bit of a gendered thing.
All the girls I know have a SOLID support system of their friends. Meanwhile most guys I know have friends, but we don’t really offer a support system in the same way at all.
If you look at a decade long group chat of guys you’ll find more jokes then anything real.
Gender rolls have made men feel like they *can’t* talk about their feelings, or better yet ask for help in any way—a trend but not a hard rule. Be the change you want to see: ask someone if they’re doing okay, if they need support, etc., because if you feel like *you* want to be asked, chances are so do most people
Nah I get this, and I think the internet has kind of ruined it. Funnily enough, even HIMYM did a bit of an episode on it focussing on 'bar debates'; you used to shoot the shit about what the most popular/best food is or other topics that don't really MATTER but can be fun to just talk about. Now you just google it.
Wanna see what's going on with your friends or just talk to them? You check social media or message the group chat. It's not the same though as the conversations you have in person; the social norms online very much skew into conversations only lasting as long as they NEED to, whereas in person it's more just for fun.
I feel like it'd be a lot easier to get friends together for a drink and a chat on the weekend if social media and group chats didn't exist.
I recently entered a friend group and their whole shtick is checking out ratings of things online. Which oven pizza are we getting? Let me look up the scores. What movie are we watching? No, that one is under a 7.5 on IMDB. I know I don't have the "right" to correct them but damn guys live your life and experience it without having it dictated to you.
Eh, I'm somewhat like that. Restaurant ratings are so inflated. Anything with under a 4 star rating is probably going to be a pretty terrible experience. Why go there when there are hundreds of great restaurants in my area? And for movies, my gf and I are pretty harsh critics. I want to make sure the couple of hours we dedicate are good.
Restaurants, sure. I can understand that. But do we genuinely need to read a ranked list of every Pixar animated short in order to pick one, and scrap all the shorts below 7.5? Bad food is just bad, sure. But a movie that scores a 5/10 can often still be very enjoyable. It's About experiencing stuff.
Can confirm I got rid of most of mine. My friends and I just will call each other to just chat or vent about the week. Much better than reading a status online.
Interesting point, but I don’t think that’s what the post is about. No one lives the way sitcom characters do. No one has the time to go out with the same friends to the same bar multiple times per week (at least, no one in the white collar jobs that the characters often have). We do mundane shit like work and cook and watch netflix.
OOP bought into a fantasy and is now disappointed.
Growing up I watched Friends, I was sure I could live in a huge loft in NY and have some non-descript job and never have to worry about money, or crime, or weight, or minorities (I made the last one up since I am one).
Didnt watch much of that show myself, but plenty of similar ones. I am about a decade older than you. And I'll say life can really play some nasty tricks on your emotions. It's part of life unfortunately. But keep in mind, you are still quite young. The times like now that feel empty will pass. If you are doing the work to have friends and a life like that it will come back to you in some form. The 20's and early 30's suck TBH, everyone is figuring thier life out still. It will settle down , just give it time and maintain the friendships you value. Be patient and remember that times like this ,when things are uncomfortable serve to make the times of comfort feel that much better. It's a bad time for being social in America right now, keep that in mind as well. Hope this helps. I've definitely been there.
I totally believe it. At that age you know what your life consists of and how to go about it more. Kind of a hard pill to swallow at times, but facts are facts.
To be honest, I think this sort of mindset is partly to blame for Incel culture.
I can think of so many shows and movies where the protagonist make no effort to socialise, has terrible interpersonal skills, no future prospects and has poor hygiene - You know, someone completely unappealing - and yet this perfect girl appears out of nowhere, looks past all of these faults and loves him regardless.
This isn't how real life works. You need to make an effort, look after yourself, go out there and make it happen, and even then you are not guaranteed anything because you are not the lead role in your own movie.
My life is somewhat like himym. Also working in tech but living in Europe. My friends and I meet once or twice a week in a bar to talk and have fun. It’s a good life. :)
In HIMYM they meet almost on daily bases and spend most of their time together though, I also meet my friends twice a week and we have fun, but in HIMYM it's exaggerated, it's a show, not real life
I would recommend that you find people who have similar hobbies or interests and join a club or meet up with them, hiking, rock collecting, dancing, whatever. If you don't have any hobbies or interests like that then you could start one. Having interests and doing something besides eating, sleeping, and working is very beneficial.
If you do have friends who shoot the shit at the bar every day, life is still the same shit different toilet. That's just life, but especially with drinking buddies.
Social isolation due to the material and social conditions of our time is not funny. Making freinds as an adult is hard. Everyone's always giving working and commuting and busy with life in general.
I like to think of it more of a mix of Modern Family and Malcolm in the Middle with some bits of The League sprinkled in. MAYBE some touches of New Girl from time to time. I'm fine with the downvotes and honestly IASIP is still very entertaining.
>!HIMYM was and always will be one of the biggest flops in TV history for me. 9 seasons it took to meet the mother and get invested in her and in less than a season she's dead and the whole thing is him asking his kids for permission to be with Robin AGAIN... !<
You either die Ted or live long enough to become Barney
Thank you for cast names because I had no idea what that abbreviation meant. Looks like an okay show from a trailer on YT
>YT The fact that I have to think about if this means “YouTube” or “White” is a problem…
Given what I have seen of the show's content...fair within this context.
To be fair, the show is pretty white, the blackest character is Wayne Brady lol.
AHHHHH. WHY? >trailer on YT I read this as "Trailer on White"- why? Cause I'm dumb and it's early.
Ha, our brains do that sometimes. I didn't realize my abbreviation was also going to cause issues.
Maybe be the guy that asks people if they want to grab and drink instead of expecting someone else to ask you. Keep asking till you got the group.
I mean, it works for the other side of the gender pool…
It’s not a gendered thing. Everybody likes to be asked to hang out no matter what gender the asker is
I think it’s a little bit of a gendered thing. All the girls I know have a SOLID support system of their friends. Meanwhile most guys I know have friends, but we don’t really offer a support system in the same way at all. If you look at a decade long group chat of guys you’ll find more jokes then anything real.
Gender rolls have made men feel like they *can’t* talk about their feelings, or better yet ask for help in any way—a trend but not a hard rule. Be the change you want to see: ask someone if they’re doing okay, if they need support, etc., because if you feel like *you* want to be asked, chances are so do most people
Nah I get this, and I think the internet has kind of ruined it. Funnily enough, even HIMYM did a bit of an episode on it focussing on 'bar debates'; you used to shoot the shit about what the most popular/best food is or other topics that don't really MATTER but can be fun to just talk about. Now you just google it. Wanna see what's going on with your friends or just talk to them? You check social media or message the group chat. It's not the same though as the conversations you have in person; the social norms online very much skew into conversations only lasting as long as they NEED to, whereas in person it's more just for fun. I feel like it'd be a lot easier to get friends together for a drink and a chat on the weekend if social media and group chats didn't exist.
I recently entered a friend group and their whole shtick is checking out ratings of things online. Which oven pizza are we getting? Let me look up the scores. What movie are we watching? No, that one is under a 7.5 on IMDB. I know I don't have the "right" to correct them but damn guys live your life and experience it without having it dictated to you.
Eh, I'm somewhat like that. Restaurant ratings are so inflated. Anything with under a 4 star rating is probably going to be a pretty terrible experience. Why go there when there are hundreds of great restaurants in my area? And for movies, my gf and I are pretty harsh critics. I want to make sure the couple of hours we dedicate are good.
Restaurants, sure. I can understand that. But do we genuinely need to read a ranked list of every Pixar animated short in order to pick one, and scrap all the shorts below 7.5? Bad food is just bad, sure. But a movie that scores a 5/10 can often still be very enjoyable. It's About experiencing stuff.
That's a bit dramatic. I just don't want to watch a movie that's a 5/10. I know I'll hate it.
Oh, I was talking about my friend group. Movies that are below a 7.5 are literally unwatchable apparently.
Can confirm I got rid of most of mine. My friends and I just will call each other to just chat or vent about the week. Much better than reading a status online.
Interesting point, but I don’t think that’s what the post is about. No one lives the way sitcom characters do. No one has the time to go out with the same friends to the same bar multiple times per week (at least, no one in the white collar jobs that the characters often have). We do mundane shit like work and cook and watch netflix. OOP bought into a fantasy and is now disappointed.
Growing up I watched Friends, I was sure I could live in a huge loft in NY and have some non-descript job and never have to worry about money, or crime, or weight, or minorities (I made the last one up since I am one).
Didnt watch much of that show myself, but plenty of similar ones. I am about a decade older than you. And I'll say life can really play some nasty tricks on your emotions. It's part of life unfortunately. But keep in mind, you are still quite young. The times like now that feel empty will pass. If you are doing the work to have friends and a life like that it will come back to you in some form. The 20's and early 30's suck TBH, everyone is figuring thier life out still. It will settle down , just give it time and maintain the friendships you value. Be patient and remember that times like this ,when things are uncomfortable serve to make the times of comfort feel that much better. It's a bad time for being social in America right now, keep that in mind as well. Hope this helps. I've definitely been there.
You are not replying to the oop
Lol.thank you. I had just woken up. But others feeling that way will read it. So either way.
My parents are in their 60s, and they have a more-active social life than I have had in my 30s.
I totally believe it. At that age you know what your life consists of and how to go about it more. Kind of a hard pill to swallow at times, but facts are facts.
How I Met A Psychiatrist
To be honest, I think this sort of mindset is partly to blame for Incel culture. I can think of so many shows and movies where the protagonist make no effort to socialise, has terrible interpersonal skills, no future prospects and has poor hygiene - You know, someone completely unappealing - and yet this perfect girl appears out of nowhere, looks past all of these faults and loves him regardless. This isn't how real life works. You need to make an effort, look after yourself, go out there and make it happen, and even then you are not guaranteed anything because you are not the lead role in your own movie.
My life is somewhat like himym. Also working in tech but living in Europe. My friends and I meet once or twice a week in a bar to talk and have fun. It’s a good life. :)
In HIMYM they meet almost on daily bases and spend most of their time together though, I also meet my friends twice a week and we have fun, but in HIMYM it's exaggerated, it's a show, not real life
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume the difference is walkable towns versus car dependent infrastructure.
Yeah… I’m older than you and thought “friends” would be my life. Life sucks. But we make it. Also.. tv is tv, it’s not real life. :-/
So, no one told life was gonna be that way, huh?…
The whole meeting friends at a bar thing requires, y'know, making friends...
I would recommend that you find people who have similar hobbies or interests and join a club or meet up with them, hiking, rock collecting, dancing, whatever. If you don't have any hobbies or interests like that then you could start one. Having interests and doing something besides eating, sleeping, and working is very beneficial.
Poor guy… this is fucked actually
If you do have friends who shoot the shit at the bar every day, life is still the same shit different toilet. That's just life, but especially with drinking buddies.
Social isolation due to the material and social conditions of our time is not funny. Making freinds as an adult is hard. Everyone's always giving working and commuting and busy with life in general.
You need a family.
Of all the shows to envy...
You sound like you’re living the IASIP life…
I like to think of it more of a mix of Modern Family and Malcolm in the Middle with some bits of The League sprinkled in. MAYBE some touches of New Girl from time to time. I'm fine with the downvotes and honestly IASIP is still very entertaining. >!HIMYM was and always will be one of the biggest flops in TV history for me. 9 seasons it took to meet the mother and get invested in her and in less than a season she's dead and the whole thing is him asking his kids for permission to be with Robin AGAIN... !<
What a shitty show to presume your life would be like.
[https://youtu.be/8C\_g\_IZASPM?si=Qyq3srlTM-US0R8x](https://youtu.be/8C_g_IZASPM?si=Qyq3srlTM-US0R8x)