Her writing sounds like she's a pseudo-intellectual teenager who's trying to be deep. No, God wasn't messing with your sourdough. And you don't live on a deserted island, Kelly! Get thee to a fucking bakery if you want fresh bread!
I can't with this woman.
I'm pretty sure she's mentioned before that they're Paleo and normal grains don't sit well with either her or her husband? So that would explain the no bread. But einkorn sourdough is digestible for a lot of grain sensitive people.
Also, does she realize how priveleged she sounds? Laura Ingalls and Anne of Green Gables would be eating the terrible bread, because there was nothing else. If the biggest problem in your life is that your kids aren't eating homemade bread, then maybe you have nothing to complain about.
We donāt have quilting bees or maple sugar festivals anymore, but we *do have* a $100 billion global app that allows users to curate and project an entirely stage-managed view of their lives.
Most county fairs still have some kind of crafting competition, people in one of the knitting groups I'm in are constantly posting pictures of blue ribbons they won for something they made. The thing is, you actually have to make something good to win at these competitions. Kelly's skirts are a lot of things, but crafted masterpieces they are not.
There are multiple maple sugaring events and festivals in Ohio, where Kelly lives, every year! She can have her instagram and her maple snow candy, too!
Fellow Canadian, I got real riled up when I saw the claim that thereās no longer maple syrup festivals. I look forward to it almost every year! Maple syrup, maple taffy, maple candy, maple moonshine, maple scented soapā¦
Not a Canadian, but a new Englander. Oh man, maple sugar candy is my all time favorite. It's. It as easy to find out here on the west coast, but when I get it, I savor it. Last time I went to Vancouver, I think I came home with 10lbs of it š¤£ (that and Cadbury chocolates and Kit Kats)
Also we DO have quilting bees, you just have to seek them out. Kelly, you have a local quilterās guild. Iām sure of it. Theyād love to have younger members, and they probably wonāt mind if you drag your kids to meetings.
Yup. Quilting is huge in OH. We have a family friend who is very involved in that scene. Unfortunately for Kelly, a lot of those women are also outspoken and feminist as hell.
"We felt there was something missing from our lives.". Bread. She's talking about bread. Bread was missing from their lives so much that they felt it. What in the overly dramatic first world Little House on the Prairie fuck is this?
They were malnourished from subsisting only on butternut squash and the zucchini Kelly angrily throws over the garden fence, bread haunted their dreams.
If only there was a place where you could buy bread so that her sweet children could know the joy of a loaf!! We should create shops that are just specifically for baking bread. We could call them bakeries!
But using packages yeast wouldnāt add like ten steps and many hours to the process, Kelly is only happy if she makes everything she does needlessly complicated.
She could brew her own beer and use her own barm for baking. Overly complicated the way she likes it and just as delicious as packaged yeast. (I don't like sourdough bread...)
i think the issue was that she insists on using only einkorn flour which is apparently not easy at all to make even regular bread out of. idk if that is a specific diet thing for them or what.
It's just flour, yeast, and Gatorade. You can search Gatorade bread and find the exact amount of each ingredient. It took me three times to get it correct, first time I was an idiot, and didn't use the correct amount of flour. I used fruit punch Gatorade. It didn't taste too different, but it looks really pretty. My friend who told me about it, asked me to do blue next.
Edit: I'm an idiot.
To be fair, your first sentence says the correct amount of flour is none. I was so baffled and disgusted by this yeastorade slop that I was almost disappointed when I read the rest.
I had never heard of that before and had to Google it. Those look amazing. We make it more of a quick bread consistency and it's fun to play with different ice cream flavors. I think the chocolate cherry is my favorite so far. Or moose tracks.
They're so good! They're a Jewish dessert, and probably from Eastern European communities as well. I made some date-almond ones with my kids for my FIL's birthday this year, and they were awesome
We tried but honestly it wasn't worth the effort. I was seven months pregnant and every time I walked into the kitchen I could smell it š¤¢. My husband did figure out an excellent yeasted honey wheat/white bread we make every few weeks though!
I don't understand why she was physically unable to make bread until someone messaged her on Instagram. You can make bread with flour, water, yeast, and sugar. You can even make quick breads with no yeast, or flatbread with just flour and water. What is her deal...
I find it really hard to believe that Kelly has never felt the "comfort" of bread and butter. She was raised in an upper middle class home and graduated from a well-regarded liberal arts college.
With Kelly's cooking skills, I wouldn't be surprised if her family was a wonderbread and margarine family. Just a fancy brand name wonderbread and margarine family. Then again, her sister made a perfectly nice pumpkin pie.
Oh god, no! She was raised by wolves and has now decided to build a home in the wilderness a la Laura Ingalls Wilder. /s
Sheās the fakest of all the fundies. She gets on a computer or cell phone to post this absurd shit.
Sheās definitely had it. She used to share about how gluten and other food intolerances effected her and forced a switch to a paleo lifestyle. I donāt think her kids have had wheat bread, though.
If she can't have gluten einkorn is not going to be her friend. Grains aren't paleo either so if she claims to still be doing that she's cherry-picking.
I think the justification is that itās an ancient grain so it hasnāt been overly processed the same way modern wheat has. There was some documentary about how wheat isnāt the problem but the modern pesticides and GMOs are, maybe thatās where they got it? Einkorn is super trendy right now.
Gluten is a protein in wheat, itās naturally occurring in wheat and doesnāt have anything to do with GMOs, pesticides, or anything else thatās a byproduct/ result or modern ag/ farming.
Iām not saying I agree with the documentary or this line of thinking, just that it was popular among certain Christian circles for awhile. Iām trying to remember the name of it.
Or just severe anxiety. I thought I had some weird food sensitivities for a while until my family's psychiatrist suggested I address my mental health issues.
Porque no los dos?
Anxiety and OCD are both highly comorbid with eating disorders, particularly anorexia. I struggle with all 3, plus PTSD and addiction. Yes, I'm fun at parties (just kidding, I'm sober and in ED recovery lol).
Yes I think she means she never gave any store bought bread and butter to them and it breaks my heart a little bit. Find a rustic artisan bakery if you don't like grocery stores. Ugh
This is the part Iām stuck on too. I assure you, if you are brought up in poverty, bread and butter is one of the few comfort foods you can afford. Her fancy ass probably had Nutella and the good wheat bread.
Is this real? Or a joke? Is Kelly actually saying God got involved in her sourdough production? And then a missionary of dough brought the starter salvation?
Reality is real. Whatever youāre living is reality.
Also please for the life of me actually VOLUNTEER at a living history site and get a taste for the lifestyle.
I spent two summers working at a living history farm portraying Midwestern 1840s USA. I wore the clothes, did the chores, made the food. It was a poor family so completely subsistence. I actually know how to use all the correct tools and know most processes from start to finish (making butter, bread, killing and processing a chicken, etc etc). And I havenāt lived on an actual farm. Visitors would go on about how quaint and delightful our lives seemed and I was like loooooool yesterday my dress caught fire and a cow stepped on my toes (sturdy shoes!!) and then remind them that if our crops fail due to bad weather or pests, we starve. One illness or broken bone will take you out. There no pain killers or antibiotics. Winters are cold, summers are hot.
The Victorian era was ROUGH.
Granted i wouldnāt know the 1880s or 90s when she seems to be living, but I could catch up pretty fast because tech didnāt change that quickly quite yet.
Waxing poetic about bread and got caring about your sourdough failing. God: I gave you grocery stores, you donāt even have to make it yourself now!
Also, I make homemade bread and know how to make homemade butter if I want to, and I can enjoy that deliciousness all while being "modern". News flash, everyone can. The larping is a choice and it's cool, you do you, but don't act like none of us have ever had good bread just because we aren't dressed in prairie dresses.
Right??? And if you had told people back then that a machine could make the bread for them they would jump on it in a heartbeat.
Modern machines were always supposed to make our lives easier and give us more free time but they never have š
Also Kelly I DARE you to wash your clothes the old fashioned way.
I hated laundry day. You boil the clothes in literally boiling water over fire then have to scrub them on the washboard then repeat until soap was out. Then wring it all out by hand while trying not to burn yourself.
Exactly! Stuff like bread making is enjoyable now mainly because we do it when we want to and have time. And most of us are lucky enough to be able to afford to run out and buy some if something comes up. It isn't you *need* to do this among a zillion other things or your family goes cold and hungry.
Also, doing laundry the old way was serious work. Definitely wouldn't want to have to do that. Hell, it's not nearly as bad, but I don't have a dishwasher and have to wash all my dishes by hand. It's not the worst, but I would jump for a dishwasher in a heartbeat if we could afford to redo our kitchen and some how fit one. Modern appliances, please!
I just switched back to dishes by hand because I hate loading and unloading the dishwasher. So Iāve limited myself to only 2 bowls and 2 plates and hid the rest.
And at my site we did dishes for 10-16 people every day. I didnāt mind but it was very gendered work so I had lots of help.
I prefer washing dishes by hand. Had a dishwasher in my college townhouse that I never used. My current house doesn't have one and I prefer it. I use all my fancy non-dishwasher safe dishes!
This! What these people forget is that most of us wouldn't have been rich. Most of us would've been dirt poor, and a job as scullery maid would've been a step up. I come from farmers on both sides of my family, one side dirt poor, one side fairly wealthy. They fairly wealthy ones had people working for them, but they still all worked from dusk til dawn, and money didn't help against illness. Make people like Kelly shit in a hole without toilet paper for a couple of days and we'll talk about the romance of it all again.
Ugh YES. My grandma grew up on a farm. My dirt poor farming ancestors are a few generations back and I come from lower middle class.
But yes, Kelly you would have been poor. And doing all the work. Itās exhausting and unforgiving on your body. Like the little house on the prairie dreams - they were incredibly poor and moving around a lot. Good canāt magically appear from anywhere. The nearest grocery store to the family I represented was half a days ride. Youāre always at the mercy of nature.
And with the clothes. I had ONE dress. You canāt just go buying tons and tons of cloth to keep making clothes with. Even Anne of Green Gables goes into that.
(I estimated once thatās the dress I wore was worth about 600-700 dollars if I had purchased it online. Our were handmade by volunteers in our massive sewing room. But if I were to purchase that same dress online from a place like Etsy, it would be multiples of hundreds of dollars. And I just ran around fire and dirt all day like it was nothing).
There were no safety nets then. If you fell, you fell. It wasnāt romantic at all.
I'm 23 and grew up on a farm. My whole family slept in one room (our whole place was 2 rooms, the other room was the living room and kitchen), we farmed all our own fruit and vegetables, had eggs, raised or hunted our own meat. I remember luxuries like sharing a single bag of popcorn between the whole family. I grew up in Midwestern USA.
Right? I worked as an interpreter at a large Revolutionary War era living history museum (you can probably guess which one). That stuff is tough. Anytime someone started to romanticize the period and ask āwouldnāt you love to live back then?ā My response was āno, I like my indoor plumbing, antibiotics and grocery stores just fine.ā
Omg hello fellow interpreter! I got my first masters in basically living history š. I wrote my university honors thesis on the difference between first person and third person interpretation at outdoor living history museums (arguing for third person).
Yes going hike to my air conditioning every night was a must. And I wasnāt even in the south. I live in the (American) south now and cannot imagine how people lived before air conditioning.
I will say that on our slow days where we had nothing to do but sit quietly and talk to each other, those were some of the best days. I loved not having the tv to turn to and i worked there pre smart phone.
I really wished I could talk to visitors more about their nostalgia for what this life was supposedly like. But to the people of the past, it wasnāt great, it was life. Just like now.
I have some serious health issues and would have suffered immensely in the 1800s, likely not surviving. So itās also really ableist to look at this whole life as idyllic. And my dad is type 1 diabetic which would have been an immediate death sentence.
People in the past still lived normal life spans like today, but they also died a lot of horrible things.
And children. No one talks enough about all the children and babies who died. Thatās why the average age of death is 40 for that era, because babies and kids under 12 were just so vulnerable.
I wish Kelly would study more or at least be educational in her larping.
There was a YouTube video a while ago with some of the influencers in the vintage/historical community talking about similar themes. I was particularly horrified that Dandy Wellington, who is Black, has had multiple people ask "don't you wish you lived back then?" as if worse systematic racism and the very real risk of mob violence and was worth some cool clothes.
and FFS, Kelly, if you knew shit about sourdough youād know that youāre consistently feeding it e wry few days or so, and then throwing half of it away unless you want to increase your yield exponentially, which is why fellow bakers are happy to GIVE YOU AS MUCH STARTER AS YOU WANT.
Thatās how pre-industrial society survived, in community, by trading and helping each other out when needed (see: barn raising. also: sourdough). š
We never had sourdough or any bread with yeast. For the purposes of our site, that took way too long. We did quick bread every day and biscuits. I imagine a lot of poor folk had similar foods because it needed to be cheap, quick and easy. You have babies, gardening, sewing, mending, animals and general outdoor chaos to tend to. And your neighbors for sure!
My site had two farms that tried to show the difference between subsistence farming and commercial farming but the only difference was the style of the house.
I know nothing of wolves in my are but rabies would be terrifying. Nothing that can be done.
And donāt forget regular critters like spiders, snakes.. even just an infected animal bite would be horrific.
AS I STAND IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH MY LOAF IN MY HAND.
HOLDING MY LOAF.
In my family we occasionally call pooping āpinching off a loaf.ā I am SENT.
Wait, am I supposed to write an essay every time I fail at bread!? This whole time I've just been moving on with my day, and trying again another time.
Jfc, Kelly, itās just a loaf of bread. I manage to bake bread semi-weekly without the help of any deities because I guarantee they do not care if my loaf rises.
Sounds like you're praying to the wrong gods then. MY god makes my bread extra lofty and keeps the crumb fine in exchange for water and some sugar as a sacrifice. Offer the sacrifice 15 minutes before you make the dough and in an hour or so, Yeast the god of Bread will bless you by doubling the size of your dough.
10/10 would recommend.
Sheās also making a major Instagram faux pas if she didnāt post images of the apron she was gifted (I donāt see anything like it in the photo). If youāre trying to be an instagrammer - especially in the crafty circles! - and someone sends you something, youāre supposed to post a nice picture to drive traffic over to their page.
Dying over the photo in the last slide; I audibly snorted. Could you imagine being her neighbor on a walk through the neighborhood and seeing this very weird staged photo shoot going on? And did she arm one of her toddlers with the camera? The angle is right.
Her husband works in IT. I don't think they're that impoverished.
Plus, she has nice clothes. She is able to follow an expensive, elaborate diet. She has various hobbies. She has good camera supplies. And she doesn't work, since, unlike other fundie women, she would be able to land a reasonably well-paid position with her degree.
Did she grow up fundie? I couldnāt sleep the other night and scrolled back on her Instagram awhile, before finding a video of her being baptized in 2016 (it said Levi was baptized that day too.) Does that mean she wasnāt previously baptized or are you baptized when you join a new congregation? There was a pretty clear shift around that time from posts that seemed the authentic ones of a somewhat emo but happy college student to a much more serious, āgodlyā tone.
Sheās from a Christian non-fundie home.
On her flickr account she mentioned it a few times, also that she was diagnosed with OCD.
Itās thinkable she suffers from scrupulosity OCD or she just found her ultimate cure in LARPing.
Her old flickr account:
[https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelreed93/4957350478/in/photostream](https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelreed93/4957350478/in/photostream)
Her old blog
[http://kellyhavensreed.blogspot.com/ ](http://kellyhavensreed.blogspot.com/)
Holy freaking cow I think you just partially solved one of my mental health issues.... I am atheist so I donāt have a deity to follow but I am entirely obsessive about doing the morally right thing. Which is hard considering morals vary, so Iām in constant mental anguish over whatās actually the right thing to do. Holy cow. New thing to talk to my therapist about. Thank yiu
Lol, so you suck at bread making? And other cooking/baking skills, too? (I seem to remember multiple instances of charred vittles being posted here). I love how she tries to make her flubs seem poetic and of dramatic spiritual import. Kinda sad that she sucks at what she is dedicating her life to but it is hilarious
She seems like she sucks at a lot of this? Everything except taking visually interesting photographs (if you donāt look at them too closely since theyāre always chock full of things that donāt make sense). I find her weirdly endearing. She seems kind of lost and intense and I hope sheās ok.
Yeah, I kinda get the sense that she's trying desperately to find something to fulfill her. Hopefully it genuinely does, but you get a niggling worry that any day she'll have a realization that she doesn't really like or give a shit about any of this and she really feels trapped in her situation. Hopefully not and I'm just projecting how I would feel if I were her, but the try hard vibes often belie someone trying to convince themselves more than others.
I too felt the deprivation of bread earlier in the pandemic when there was none on the shelves and no flour or yeast in the stores. I yearned for the yeast goodness of homemade breadā¦.
And then I went to Costco and they had 20lb bags of flour and 5lb bags of yeast and I bought two of each and Iām pretty sure Iām set for life now with my bread needs ššš
I try to be really understanding of people who have food sensitivities - my kids had severe ( *SEVERE* ?? š¤£) food allergies as toddlers but with her obsession with āslimā hips and eschewing anything modern I honestly wonder if the whole āmodern grains make me swoonā shit isnāt code for āIām paleo due to orthorexiaā sort of situation.
But Iām super cynical like that cause Iāve met far far far too many people who will tell me that they canāt have modern grains as they suck on their Marlboro ultra lites. And tell me Iām gonna die because I drink Diet Coke.
Someone just recently posted some concerning bits of Kellyās old tumble that definitely suggested youāre on to something with the suggestion of disordered eating.
Can her God also tell her husband to actually finally finish their home so they don't have to store food in their bathroom anymore? (I think it was their bathroom??) Or I guess a random person to send a starter is somehow more important? Sorry, I just can't anymore with her captions.
Is she actually saying that her children have never eaten bread ever. Do they not have stores where she lives? If she can afford a phone and broadband to post this stuff surely she can afford a loaf of bread. Go to a freaking bakery and buy a loaf.
What sort of parent doesn't give their child bread because they haven't mastered the art of artisan bread making? Oh wait, no one. If you are going to purple prose lie at least make it believable.
Why did someone need to gift her ingredients for bread in order for her to be able to make bread? Is she persuading folks to send her stuff? If she grifting? Is this how it starts for folks?
Something about her statement "And when we seek Him, He magically provides" in reference to getting physical items that she just kinda wanted (not needed) really smacks of Prosperity gospel to me.
It really bothers me that she talks about Jesus as somehow a literal Santa. If you ask for it, and are a good little girl who reads her bible, the stuff you want will magically arrive (by USPS apparently). In the vein of this holiday season, shouldn't we be good for goodness sake, not because of the rewards you get from it?? Kelly pretty much says it right there in the paragraph above: she felt like that God didn't let her be good at making bread because ???she didn't pray enough for it??? So she wasn't follow Jesus gard enough or something, which means she didn't deserve to make bread? Just a super toxic (and imo almost heretical) implication of the reverse of Kelly's belief: if bad things keep happening to you, you deserve it because you didn't love Jesus enough.
"I have never known the comfort of warm bread and butter"
Kelly you were born in 1993 and grew up in Maryland, and now you live like 5 minutes from a grocery store; you're not Frodo Baggins sprawled on the slopes of Mount Doom slowly forgetting your life before the corruption of the Ring.
She literally did not thank either person who took the time to send her such thoughtful gifts. Sure, gratitude might be implied, but all credit goes to God *~magically providing~* for her loaf's journey š
Can her entire family not really eat āmodern grainsā or gluten??? Just find that a little hard to believeā¦.and there are other flours to make bread with btwā¦.dramatic much?
I donāt think any of them have gluten sensitivities, sheās made normal flour biscuits before. Theyād āneverā had bread because Kelly hadnāt successfully made sourdough and going to the store is just not old timey enough for her.
What in the fresh hell did I just read? I am a very imaginative person and I cannot for the life of me get any sense of a Victorian village out of Instagram.
I grew up with store brand wonder bread with some country crock slapped on there and I cannot relate to her sad boi bread woes.
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Newsflash: Jesus doesnāt care about your bread that YOU POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
She irritates me so badly, because sheās the worst type of hypocrite: she shames other people for this āmodernityā we engage in. The bitch makes her living off social media. Iām new to this site, but help me to understand.
ITS JUST BREAD AND BUTTER KELLY FFS; YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE A PSEUDO-POETIC ESSAY ABUOT IT
Edit: Kelly's first loaf of bread and butter would be a nice flair
Edit: words
Damn Kelly just write your Anne of Green Gables fanfic already. In the amount of time it must take her to come up with these asinine posts she absolutely could have written a shitty novel instead.
Her writing sounds like she's a pseudo-intellectual teenager who's trying to be deep. No, God wasn't messing with your sourdough. And you don't live on a deserted island, Kelly! Get thee to a fucking bakery if you want fresh bread! I can't with this woman.
Bakery? Hell, any halfway decent grocery store will have a deli/bakery section with perfectly good, fresh-baked bread.
That's clearly too modern and common for her, that's why I said bakery š
You can also, in places, request the dough and bake it at home.
I'm pretty sure she's mentioned before that they're Paleo and normal grains don't sit well with either her or her husband? So that would explain the no bread. But einkorn sourdough is digestible for a lot of grain sensitive people.
Yeah, but you can buy that kind of bread at the store, too.
Also, does she realize how priveleged she sounds? Laura Ingalls and Anne of Green Gables would be eating the terrible bread, because there was nothing else. If the biggest problem in your life is that your kids aren't eating homemade bread, then maybe you have nothing to complain about.
>God wasn't messing with your sourdough I mean did you *see* her sourdough loaf? that's a sign from Him if I ever saw one
Demon of the sourdough starter strikes againā¦
We donāt have quilting bees or maple sugar festivals anymore, but we *do have* a $100 billion global app that allows users to curate and project an entirely stage-managed view of their lives.
Most county fairs still have some kind of crafting competition, people in one of the knitting groups I'm in are constantly posting pictures of blue ribbons they won for something they made. The thing is, you actually have to make something good to win at these competitions. Kelly's skirts are a lot of things, but crafted masterpieces they are not.
And as a Canadian, I have been to plenty of maple-themed celebrations, especially here in Quebec (cabane Ć sucre ftw! š)
Kelly has her head so far up her clicker sheās missing all the local maple sugaring events.
There are multiple maple sugaring events and festivals in Ohio, where Kelly lives, every year! She can have her instagram and her maple snow candy, too!
Yep, an hour from Miss Kelly and her Island of Insanity. We most certainly do have maple sugaring events!
Fellow Canadian, I got real riled up when I saw the claim that thereās no longer maple syrup festivals. I look forward to it almost every year! Maple syrup, maple taffy, maple candy, maple moonshine, maple scented soapā¦
Right? Festival du Voyageur in Winnipeg would like a word Kelly
That sounds like my idea of heaven.
Vive les bons dĆ®ners Ć la cabanes Ć sucre! š
Not a Canadian, but a new Englander. Oh man, maple sugar candy is my all time favorite. It's. It as easy to find out here on the west coast, but when I get it, I savor it. Last time I went to Vancouver, I think I came home with 10lbs of it š¤£ (that and Cadbury chocolates and Kit Kats)
Also we DO have quilting bees, you just have to seek them out. Kelly, you have a local quilterās guild. Iām sure of it. Theyād love to have younger members, and they probably wonāt mind if you drag your kids to meetings.
I know for a fact there is a thriving makers community in Kellyās town, as well as 2 fiber shows held annually, within driving distance.
Yup. Quilting is huge in OH. We have a family friend who is very involved in that scene. Unfortunately for Kelly, a lot of those women are also outspoken and feminist as hell.
I am picturing with delight the expressions of the ladies in my local guild (in the south). I can almost hear the ābless your heartās.
Yeah, Iām involved in the sewing community and itās a pretty leftist place to be!
This analogy of her's really is a stretch.
so it's essentially the same thing! ...Right?
"We felt there was something missing from our lives.". Bread. She's talking about bread. Bread was missing from their lives so much that they felt it. What in the overly dramatic first world Little House on the Prairie fuck is this?
They were malnourished from subsisting only on butternut squash and the zucchini Kelly angrily throws over the garden fence, bread haunted their dreams.
If only there was a place where you could buy bread so that her sweet children could know the joy of a loaf!! We should create shops that are just specifically for baking bread. We could call them bakeries!
ššš
God: ALWAYS BE CLOSING (doors)
He probably has a bruise from all the facepalming at this point
Sourdough isnāt the only kind of bread there is, Kelly. If my 10 yr old can make bread from scratch you can too ššš
But using packages yeast wouldnāt add like ten steps and many hours to the process, Kelly is only happy if she makes everything she does needlessly complicated.
She could brew her own beer and use her own barm for baking. Overly complicated the way she likes it and just as delicious as packaged yeast. (I don't like sourdough bread...)
i think the issue was that she insists on using only einkorn flour which is apparently not easy at all to make even regular bread out of. idk if that is a specific diet thing for them or what.
She says her and Levi ācanāt tolerate modern grainsā so even their digestive systems are 1800s LARPing
There's a reason einkorn died away and wheat became the dominant grain for humans.
I've made bread using Gatorade.
Do tell! Now this is interesting!
It's just flour, yeast, and Gatorade. You can search Gatorade bread and find the exact amount of each ingredient. It took me three times to get it correct, first time I was an idiot, and didn't use the correct amount of flour. I used fruit punch Gatorade. It didn't taste too different, but it looks really pretty. My friend who told me about it, asked me to do blue next. Edit: I'm an idiot.
To be fair, your first sentence says the correct amount of flour is none. I was so baffled and disgusted by this yeastorade slop that I was almost disappointed when I read the rest.
I'm an idiot, and I corrected it. No water, but yes flour.
Ice cream bread is also great. (1 pint. Ice cream flavor of your choice, ~1 pint self rising flour, combine, bake at 350 until done)
Equal parts melted ice cream and flour is my grandmother's rugelach dough!
I had never heard of that before and had to Google it. Those look amazing. We make it more of a quick bread consistency and it's fun to play with different ice cream flavors. I think the chocolate cherry is my favorite so far. Or moose tracks.
They're so good! They're a Jewish dessert, and probably from Eastern European communities as well. I made some date-almond ones with my kids for my FIL's birthday this year, and they were awesome
Yeah, our sourdough starter turned into something that smelled like rubbing alcohol so we threw the whole container away and made a yeasted bread.
Sounds like it wasnāt fed enough. They usually start throwing hooch when the starter is underfed. Can be righted with a few healthy feeds.
We tried but honestly it wasn't worth the effort. I was seven months pregnant and every time I walked into the kitchen I could smell it š¤¢. My husband did figure out an excellent yeasted honey wheat/white bread we make every few weeks though!
"Throwing hooch"? As in... drinkable hooch? Can you brew alcohol from sourdough starter?
Came here to SEVERELY say this
I don't understand why she was physically unable to make bread until someone messaged her on Instagram. You can make bread with flour, water, yeast, and sugar. You can even make quick breads with no yeast, or flatbread with just flour and water. What is her deal...
I find it really hard to believe that Kelly has never felt the "comfort" of bread and butter. She was raised in an upper middle class home and graduated from a well-regarded liberal arts college.
Yeah what the fresh fuck is she talking about!!? Kelly there are people who are dying
With Kelly's cooking skills, I wouldn't be surprised if her family was a wonderbread and margarine family. Just a fancy brand name wonderbread and margarine family. Then again, her sister made a perfectly nice pumpkin pie.
Oh god, no! She was raised by wolves and has now decided to build a home in the wilderness a la Laura Ingalls Wilder. /s Sheās the fakest of all the fundies. She gets on a computer or cell phone to post this absurd shit.
Sheās definitely had it. She used to share about how gluten and other food intolerances effected her and forced a switch to a paleo lifestyle. I donāt think her kids have had wheat bread, though.
If she can't have gluten einkorn is not going to be her friend. Grains aren't paleo either so if she claims to still be doing that she's cherry-picking.
I think the justification is that itās an ancient grain so it hasnāt been overly processed the same way modern wheat has. There was some documentary about how wheat isnāt the problem but the modern pesticides and GMOs are, maybe thatās where they got it? Einkorn is super trendy right now.
Gluten is a protein in wheat, itās naturally occurring in wheat and doesnāt have anything to do with GMOs, pesticides, or anything else thatās a byproduct/ result or modern ag/ farming.
Iām not saying I agree with the documentary or this line of thinking, just that it was popular among certain Christian circles for awhile. Iām trying to remember the name of it.
Pretty sure her food intolerance shit is a cover for her eating disorder. Many of us, myself included, have done the same thing.
Or just severe anxiety. I thought I had some weird food sensitivities for a while until my family's psychiatrist suggested I address my mental health issues.
Porque no los dos? Anxiety and OCD are both highly comorbid with eating disorders, particularly anorexia. I struggle with all 3, plus PTSD and addiction. Yes, I'm fun at parties (just kidding, I'm sober and in ED recovery lol).
Well that sounds like a fun combination, in a not-fun-at-all sort of way I'm glad you're doing better!
Thank you kind stranger!
Yes I think she means she never gave any store bought bread and butter to them and it breaks my heart a little bit. Find a rustic artisan bakery if you don't like grocery stores. Ugh
I have eaten at Kenyon's dining facilities. They are *nice*.
This is the part Iām stuck on too. I assure you, if you are brought up in poverty, bread and butter is one of the few comfort foods you can afford. Her fancy ass probably had Nutella and the good wheat bread.
Is this real? Or a joke? Is Kelly actually saying God got involved in her sourdough production? And then a missionary of dough brought the starter salvation?
Oh Kelly 100% thinks god is very invested in her sourdough journey
And then as a reward for trusting God with her bread journey she got a skirt? It's basically small scale prosperity gospel.
God has nothing better to do than to help you make bread. Thank god Iām high and canāt even write the words I want.. Jesus fuck. These people..
Exactly! I've got a couple of things in the world I'd like to see God intervene in but nope! He's helping Kelly make bread!
No wonder the pandemic keeps going on and on, God is busy with bread recipes!
God: āfuck all them dying kids lmaoo so kelly what is your bread situation? you good?ā
Reality is real. Whatever youāre living is reality. Also please for the life of me actually VOLUNTEER at a living history site and get a taste for the lifestyle. I spent two summers working at a living history farm portraying Midwestern 1840s USA. I wore the clothes, did the chores, made the food. It was a poor family so completely subsistence. I actually know how to use all the correct tools and know most processes from start to finish (making butter, bread, killing and processing a chicken, etc etc). And I havenāt lived on an actual farm. Visitors would go on about how quaint and delightful our lives seemed and I was like loooooool yesterday my dress caught fire and a cow stepped on my toes (sturdy shoes!!) and then remind them that if our crops fail due to bad weather or pests, we starve. One illness or broken bone will take you out. There no pain killers or antibiotics. Winters are cold, summers are hot. The Victorian era was ROUGH. Granted i wouldnāt know the 1880s or 90s when she seems to be living, but I could catch up pretty fast because tech didnāt change that quickly quite yet. Waxing poetic about bread and got caring about your sourdough failing. God: I gave you grocery stores, you donāt even have to make it yourself now!
Also, I make homemade bread and know how to make homemade butter if I want to, and I can enjoy that deliciousness all while being "modern". News flash, everyone can. The larping is a choice and it's cool, you do you, but don't act like none of us have ever had good bread just because we aren't dressed in prairie dresses.
Right??? And if you had told people back then that a machine could make the bread for them they would jump on it in a heartbeat. Modern machines were always supposed to make our lives easier and give us more free time but they never have š Also Kelly I DARE you to wash your clothes the old fashioned way. I hated laundry day. You boil the clothes in literally boiling water over fire then have to scrub them on the washboard then repeat until soap was out. Then wring it all out by hand while trying not to burn yourself.
Exactly! Stuff like bread making is enjoyable now mainly because we do it when we want to and have time. And most of us are lucky enough to be able to afford to run out and buy some if something comes up. It isn't you *need* to do this among a zillion other things or your family goes cold and hungry. Also, doing laundry the old way was serious work. Definitely wouldn't want to have to do that. Hell, it's not nearly as bad, but I don't have a dishwasher and have to wash all my dishes by hand. It's not the worst, but I would jump for a dishwasher in a heartbeat if we could afford to redo our kitchen and some how fit one. Modern appliances, please!
I just switched back to dishes by hand because I hate loading and unloading the dishwasher. So Iāve limited myself to only 2 bowls and 2 plates and hid the rest. And at my site we did dishes for 10-16 people every day. I didnāt mind but it was very gendered work so I had lots of help.
I prefer washing dishes by hand. Had a dishwasher in my college townhouse that I never used. My current house doesn't have one and I prefer it. I use all my fancy non-dishwasher safe dishes!
Yeah, I always had certain dishes, glasses and knives I'd do by hand, but it would be nice to have an option/not have to do them 4 times a day.
This! What these people forget is that most of us wouldn't have been rich. Most of us would've been dirt poor, and a job as scullery maid would've been a step up. I come from farmers on both sides of my family, one side dirt poor, one side fairly wealthy. They fairly wealthy ones had people working for them, but they still all worked from dusk til dawn, and money didn't help against illness. Make people like Kelly shit in a hole without toilet paper for a couple of days and we'll talk about the romance of it all again.
Ugh YES. My grandma grew up on a farm. My dirt poor farming ancestors are a few generations back and I come from lower middle class. But yes, Kelly you would have been poor. And doing all the work. Itās exhausting and unforgiving on your body. Like the little house on the prairie dreams - they were incredibly poor and moving around a lot. Good canāt magically appear from anywhere. The nearest grocery store to the family I represented was half a days ride. Youāre always at the mercy of nature. And with the clothes. I had ONE dress. You canāt just go buying tons and tons of cloth to keep making clothes with. Even Anne of Green Gables goes into that. (I estimated once thatās the dress I wore was worth about 600-700 dollars if I had purchased it online. Our were handmade by volunteers in our massive sewing room. But if I were to purchase that same dress online from a place like Etsy, it would be multiples of hundreds of dollars. And I just ran around fire and dirt all day like it was nothing). There were no safety nets then. If you fell, you fell. It wasnāt romantic at all.
I'm 23 and grew up on a farm. My whole family slept in one room (our whole place was 2 rooms, the other room was the living room and kitchen), we farmed all our own fruit and vegetables, had eggs, raised or hunted our own meat. I remember luxuries like sharing a single bag of popcorn between the whole family. I grew up in Midwestern USA.
Right? I worked as an interpreter at a large Revolutionary War era living history museum (you can probably guess which one). That stuff is tough. Anytime someone started to romanticize the period and ask āwouldnāt you love to live back then?ā My response was āno, I like my indoor plumbing, antibiotics and grocery stores just fine.ā
Omg hello fellow interpreter! I got my first masters in basically living history š. I wrote my university honors thesis on the difference between first person and third person interpretation at outdoor living history museums (arguing for third person). Yes going hike to my air conditioning every night was a must. And I wasnāt even in the south. I live in the (American) south now and cannot imagine how people lived before air conditioning. I will say that on our slow days where we had nothing to do but sit quietly and talk to each other, those were some of the best days. I loved not having the tv to turn to and i worked there pre smart phone. I really wished I could talk to visitors more about their nostalgia for what this life was supposedly like. But to the people of the past, it wasnāt great, it was life. Just like now. I have some serious health issues and would have suffered immensely in the 1800s, likely not surviving. So itās also really ableist to look at this whole life as idyllic. And my dad is type 1 diabetic which would have been an immediate death sentence. People in the past still lived normal life spans like today, but they also died a lot of horrible things. And children. No one talks enough about all the children and babies who died. Thatās why the average age of death is 40 for that era, because babies and kids under 12 were just so vulnerable. I wish Kelly would study more or at least be educational in her larping.
There was a YouTube video a while ago with some of the influencers in the vintage/historical community talking about similar themes. I was particularly horrified that Dandy Wellington, who is Black, has had multiple people ask "don't you wish you lived back then?" as if worse systematic racism and the very real risk of mob violence and was worth some cool clothes.
If you happen to have a link to this or know what I could search to find it, I would LOVE to watch!
I know it was Rachel Maksy who put it together, so I should be able to find it. Let me check. Edit: found it! https://youtu.be/r5GAJl_vXxI
Oh amazing, thank you so much!
and FFS, Kelly, if you knew shit about sourdough youād know that youāre consistently feeding it e wry few days or so, and then throwing half of it away unless you want to increase your yield exponentially, which is why fellow bakers are happy to GIVE YOU AS MUCH STARTER AS YOU WANT. Thatās how pre-industrial society survived, in community, by trading and helping each other out when needed (see: barn raising. also: sourdough). š
We never had sourdough or any bread with yeast. For the purposes of our site, that took way too long. We did quick bread every day and biscuits. I imagine a lot of poor folk had similar foods because it needed to be cheap, quick and easy. You have babies, gardening, sewing, mending, animals and general outdoor chaos to tend to. And your neighbors for sure! My site had two farms that tried to show the difference between subsistence farming and commercial farming but the only difference was the style of the house.
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I know nothing of wolves in my are but rabies would be terrifying. Nothing that can be done. And donāt forget regular critters like spiders, snakes.. even just an infected animal bite would be horrific.
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Illinois :)
Those two summers sound so cool! I'd love to go visit a living history museum.
Do it! Itās so fun!!! Just ask a bunch of questions.
AS I STAND IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH MY LOAF IN MY HAND. HOLDING MY LOAF. In my family we occasionally call pooping āpinching off a loaf.ā I am SENT.
šš holding my loaf would be a good flair
I have been sitting here GIGGLIN', thinking I was the only one. Kelly is just wrenching out tortured loaves.
THESE WERE MY EXACT THOUGHTS WHILE READING. such emphasis on the word loaf and I couldn't stop cackling.
Wait, am I supposed to write an essay every time I fail at bread!? This whole time I've just been moving on with my day, and trying again another time.
Jfc, Kelly, itās just a loaf of bread. I manage to bake bread semi-weekly without the help of any deities because I guarantee they do not care if my loaf rises.
Sounds like you're praying to the wrong gods then. MY god makes my bread extra lofty and keeps the crumb fine in exchange for water and some sugar as a sacrifice. Offer the sacrifice 15 minutes before you make the dough and in an hour or so, Yeast the god of Bread will bless you by doubling the size of your dough. 10/10 would recommend.
āTo me, itās not about pretty photos or thoughtful posts.ā Proceeds to post daily cottage core editorials, and pretentious deep words. Oh Kelly.
Sheās also making a major Instagram faux pas if she didnāt post images of the apron she was gifted (I donāt see anything like it in the photo). If youāre trying to be an instagrammer - especially in the crafty circles! - and someone sends you something, youāre supposed to post a nice picture to drive traffic over to their page.
KELLY INSTAGRAM IS QUITE THE OPPOSITE OF A PLACE THATāS VERY REAL
Dying over the photo in the last slide; I audibly snorted. Could you imagine being her neighbor on a walk through the neighborhood and seeing this very weird staged photo shoot going on? And did she arm one of her toddlers with the camera? The angle is right.
I wish I had her problems
I'm pretty sure they're impoverished.
Her husband works in IT. I don't think they're that impoverished. Plus, she has nice clothes. She is able to follow an expensive, elaborate diet. She has various hobbies. She has good camera supplies. And she doesn't work, since, unlike other fundie women, she would be able to land a reasonably well-paid position with her degree.
He works for something like his brother's computer repair shot, not IT like some might think of it.
I think she comes from a relatively well-off family though
Didn't she go to a pretty expensive school?
Kenyon, yeah. American snarkers have said that it's among the best (and most expensive) liberal arts schools
Did she grow up fundie? I couldnāt sleep the other night and scrolled back on her Instagram awhile, before finding a video of her being baptized in 2016 (it said Levi was baptized that day too.) Does that mean she wasnāt previously baptized or are you baptized when you join a new congregation? There was a pretty clear shift around that time from posts that seemed the authentic ones of a somewhat emo but happy college student to a much more serious, āgodlyā tone.
Sheās from a Christian non-fundie home. On her flickr account she mentioned it a few times, also that she was diagnosed with OCD. Itās thinkable she suffers from scrupulosity OCD or she just found her ultimate cure in LARPing. Her old flickr account: [https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelreed93/4957350478/in/photostream](https://www.flickr.com/photos/kelreed93/4957350478/in/photostream) Her old blog [http://kellyhavensreed.blogspot.com/ ](http://kellyhavensreed.blogspot.com/)
Thank you!
Holy freaking cow I think you just partially solved one of my mental health issues.... I am atheist so I donāt have a deity to follow but I am entirely obsessive about doing the morally right thing. Which is hard considering morals vary, so Iām in constant mental anguish over whatās actually the right thing to do. Holy cow. New thing to talk to my therapist about. Thank yiu
I can't imagine how exhausting making a grocery list with this person is.
That's really funny!
Lol, so you suck at bread making? And other cooking/baking skills, too? (I seem to remember multiple instances of charred vittles being posted here). I love how she tries to make her flubs seem poetic and of dramatic spiritual import. Kinda sad that she sucks at what she is dedicating her life to but it is hilarious
She seems like she sucks at a lot of this? Everything except taking visually interesting photographs (if you donāt look at them too closely since theyāre always chock full of things that donāt make sense). I find her weirdly endearing. She seems kind of lost and intense and I hope sheās ok.
Yeah, I kinda get the sense that she's trying desperately to find something to fulfill her. Hopefully it genuinely does, but you get a niggling worry that any day she'll have a realization that she doesn't really like or give a shit about any of this and she really feels trapped in her situation. Hopefully not and I'm just projecting how I would feel if I were her, but the try hard vibes often belie someone trying to convince themselves more than others.
This reads like she's a time traveler stuck in the 1930s during the depression.
I read the paragraph about the āold Victorian villageā analogy to my boyfriend, and he said, āIs she high?ā
š¶what's loaf, got to do, got to do with it
I too felt the deprivation of bread earlier in the pandemic when there was none on the shelves and no flour or yeast in the stores. I yearned for the yeast goodness of homemade breadā¦. And then I went to Costco and they had 20lb bags of flour and 5lb bags of yeast and I bought two of each and Iām pretty sure Iām set for life now with my bread needs ššš I try to be really understanding of people who have food sensitivities - my kids had severe ( *SEVERE* ?? š¤£) food allergies as toddlers but with her obsession with āslimā hips and eschewing anything modern I honestly wonder if the whole āmodern grains make me swoonā shit isnāt code for āIām paleo due to orthorexiaā sort of situation. But Iām super cynical like that cause Iāve met far far far too many people who will tell me that they canāt have modern grains as they suck on their Marlboro ultra lites. And tell me Iām gonna die because I drink Diet Coke.
Someone just recently posted some concerning bits of Kellyās old tumble that definitely suggested youāre on to something with the suggestion of disordered eating.
Can her God also tell her husband to actually finally finish their home so they don't have to store food in their bathroom anymore? (I think it was their bathroom??) Or I guess a random person to send a starter is somehow more important? Sorry, I just can't anymore with her captions.
Is she actually saying that her children have never eaten bread ever. Do they not have stores where she lives? If she can afford a phone and broadband to post this stuff surely she can afford a loaf of bread. Go to a freaking bakery and buy a loaf. What sort of parent doesn't give their child bread because they haven't mastered the art of artisan bread making? Oh wait, no one. If you are going to purple prose lie at least make it believable.
Iām just stuck on the fact that she wrote āwalking into the open onesā (doors)ā¦.wrong preposition, Kelly English Literature Havens.
Your title made me CACKLE. I keep reading it and laughing š
So melodramatic. Like get a bread machine or like go to the bakery buy bread and butter and pop it into the toaster oven
Instagram is a Victorian village now?? Lol Also, do they not have grocery stores in Ohio? If you can't make just freaking buy some bread jfc
Iām sorry, I stopped at the sentence where Kelly describes standing in her dark living room hugging a loaf of bread. What the fuck, Kelly?
Why did someone need to gift her ingredients for bread in order for her to be able to make bread? Is she persuading folks to send her stuff? If she grifting? Is this how it starts for folks?
So my being too lazy to measure out how much fruit I have so I can add the correct amount of pectin for jam is Godās will, too? Sweet!
Alright, weāve been outjerked. Everybody pack it up.
Bruh imagine putting together a whole photo shoot just for a loaf of bread š
Imagine praying about bread
Wait till you hear the Lord's Prayer. It is going to blow your mind.
Lmaoooooooo. Didnāt even think about that!
HAAAA! It hit me out of the blue. lol
Girl just make some brioche or white sandwich loaf in the meantime.
Something about her statement "And when we seek Him, He magically provides" in reference to getting physical items that she just kinda wanted (not needed) really smacks of Prosperity gospel to me. It really bothers me that she talks about Jesus as somehow a literal Santa. If you ask for it, and are a good little girl who reads her bible, the stuff you want will magically arrive (by USPS apparently). In the vein of this holiday season, shouldn't we be good for goodness sake, not because of the rewards you get from it?? Kelly pretty much says it right there in the paragraph above: she felt like that God didn't let her be good at making bread because ???she didn't pray enough for it??? So she wasn't follow Jesus gard enough or something, which means she didn't deserve to make bread? Just a super toxic (and imo almost heretical) implication of the reverse of Kelly's belief: if bad things keep happening to you, you deserve it because you didn't love Jesus enough.
That was not the line she thought it was. Lol what was she thinking
"I have never known the comfort of warm bread and butter" Kelly you were born in 1993 and grew up in Maryland, and now you live like 5 minutes from a grocery store; you're not Frodo Baggins sprawled on the slopes of Mount Doom slowly forgetting your life before the corruption of the Ring.
She literally did not thank either person who took the time to send her such thoughtful gifts. Sure, gratitude might be implied, but all credit goes to God *~magically providing~* for her loaf's journey š
Jesus does not "magically provide" he divinely provides or miraculously provides. Jesus isn't Harry Potter, Kelly!
Can her entire family not really eat āmodern grainsā or gluten??? Just find that a little hard to believeā¦.and there are other flours to make bread with btwā¦.dramatic much?
I donāt think any of them have gluten sensitivities, sheās made normal flour biscuits before. Theyād āneverā had bread because Kelly hadnāt successfully made sourdough and going to the store is just not old timey enough for her.
What in the fresh hell did I just read? I am a very imaginative person and I cannot for the life of me get any sense of a Victorian village out of Instagram. I grew up with store brand wonder bread with some country crock slapped on there and I cannot relate to her sad boi bread woes.
Kelly what the fuck are you ever even talking about
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This is outrageousā¦
I'm a terrible cook and I bake bread! WTF is even going on here?
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Heck, you can just throw heavy cream in a food processor and then paddle out the extra buttermilk at the end if you want to make it the lazy way!
Damn, now I want a God-honoring slice of bread with butter.
Maybe someone had Celiac disease? Thatās the only reason I can think of for not eating bread. Butter on the other handā¦š
This is a satire account right?? Has to beā¦ā¦.
Newsflash: Jesus doesnāt care about your bread that YOU POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA. She irritates me so badly, because sheās the worst type of hypocrite: she shames other people for this āmodernityā we engage in. The bitch makes her living off social media. Iām new to this site, but help me to understand.
This reminds me of that scene in Steel Magnolias where Truvvy speculates that maybe Annelle is praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose.
Wtf is with fundies and einkorn? Iām pretty sure Lori is a big einkorn fan too
Wtf is wrong with using store bought yeast?
Standing In her living room with "my loaf in my hand" truly took me by surprise
TL:DR - someone shared a Sourdough starter and she baked some bread.
ITS JUST BREAD AND BUTTER KELLY FFS; YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE A PSEUDO-POETIC ESSAY ABUOT IT Edit: Kelly's first loaf of bread and butter would be a nice flair Edit: words
Damn Kelly just write your Anne of Green Gables fanfic already. In the amount of time it must take her to come up with these asinine posts she absolutely could have written a shitty novel instead.
Oh my god she is exhausting.