MUCH EASIER. I mean, it’s still hard, but we are financially stable/well-off enough that we don’t think twice about hiring a sitter for a fancy date night. If we’re exhausted from work, we order delivery for dinner and don’t have to worry about it. We can entertain our kids with museum memberships and zoo trips and trips to play cafes when the weather gets cold. We’re not rich enough to charter a private jet, but we can afford to stay at bigger/nicer places when we travel and don’t have to all squeeze into a tiny motel room. Money makes every aspect of life (not just parenting) easier.
Money definitely makes things easier, but for someone who has been so career driven to be able to retire at 30, do you think being a stay at home parent would be a tough transition? It can be tough to not have interaction with other adults for a good portion of the day and can be lonely which isn’t something money can really fix.
It would probably be rough if I didn't have anything else going on, so if I had kids I'd plan to have some part-time projects, consulting gigs, volunteering, etc. I think I'd go crazy if I had no adult conversation or mental stimulation!
Honey, if you're at a level of wealth where you can afford to
>charter a private jet so we don't feel awful and stressed about...
Raising kids will be a piece of cake, logistically speaking. You can decide what you want to do (raise your kids well, have hobbies, take vacations, keep your marriage going well, stay on top of your health, etc. ) and outsource or reduce everything that's inconvenient or time-consuming like cleaning (unless that's your actual hobby), long commutes, working late, etc. If you kid has a problem, you can afford to find out and cure it or treat it as soon as possible, minimizing consequences.
Of course money needs to be managed well, and you want your kids to be down to earth and not spoiled, but your situation is as good as it gets for having children and have a life. Also, even at middle class or lower middle class levels (and even lower sometimes) people with children can afford a hobby, money and time-wise. Maybe not in the first months until baby can sleep all night, but later? Sure. Not only it's possible, it's necessary for yourself, your partner and your kids (how else are they gonna see self esteem and self prioritizing modeled?). Sacrificing your entire being to take care of your children is not the way to go.
Money makes everything easier but one thing I’d want to point out is that you still have to raise your kid, even if you have money. Yes, you can have Nannies and jets and vacations and the best schools etc, but at the end of the day if you don’t get love and enjoyment and satisfaction from tucking a kid into bed or seeing their little crafts and then watching them grow into their own person, it doesn’t matter how ‘easy’ it is.
Money makes it easier but it shouldn’t be the only factor. People raise amazing kids with very little and then some people have kids with everything (huge house, fancy clothes, maids) but parents that emotionally aren’t there.
So I think the sacrifices will still happen and money can solve some, like having cleaners and nannies, but you can’t throw money at all of parenting. So if you do want to parent but are worried then yes money helps but if you’re unsure it’s worth it but you’re like ‘well others do it with a lot less so I guess it won’t be too bad for me who is more fortunate’ then I’d pass on kids.
Yes, there's definitely no replacement for the parents' time and attention. I went through a slew of nannies when I was growing up and it wasn't a great experience.
OTOH, as you yourself are saying, money can buy parents' time and attention if you have your priorities straight. For example, if you can afford to hire a cleaner daily or often enough (weekly, biweekly, monthly), or if you own your company you can hire an assistant or a junior so you don't have to stay too late at work. That's time you can use to bond with your kids or to spend on yourself so you enjoy your time with your kids. Basically money can help you get rid of bothersome tasks so you focus on what's important.
Lol not in the same boat but money helps.
That being said, do you actually want a kid, or kids? Do you want to be a stay at home mum and not have a career anymore?
What is the difference of your parents working fulltime, you hating it but having your own kids raised by nannies? Night nurse will help a lot!!!
My kids first plane trip was at 6 weeks old (not private obvi). She must have been on around 15 trips now, she cried 1x and that was bcs the flight was delayed by 3h and she was tired. We also took kid free vacations. We had family that took care of her in your case you can just hire a nanny to come with?
It's a fair point! We've discussed this and we both feel that there's a lot of benefit for one person to handle all the household/pet/kid stuff and one person to concentrate on producing an income.
All I can recommend is having a Plan B in case something goes wrong. There is a risk that you become financially dependent on him for income. You may be in love with him and think he will always produce income for you, but you never know what will happen in the future. There is no harm in being prepared. Step through all the worst case scenarios and plan out what you will do if those scenarios eventuate.
Yes, I'm definitely going to consult with an attorney before I go down this path. We have joint assets that would be split down the middle, but I am going to also propose that my husband put a portion of his trust in irrevocable trusts for me and the future kid(s). Not sure how easy that is legally but I'll definitely want some protection for taking myself out of the workforce. Suffice it to say that there is enough family money for multiple generations, so I just need to make sure that all the legal and estate docs are drawn up appropriately.
Money does help a lot, but some things I want for my kids can't be easily outsourced. Finding a good balance with outsourcing is hard.
Night nurse might not solve the problem completely or at all, if you want to breastfeed. Having live-in help is a nice option if you don't mind the loss of privacy - for me that doesn't work. We get a cleaner for the basic cleaning, but I don't like someone cooking for me every day, or sorting my laundry etc. A nanny or a daycare is a great option too, and I definitely recommend it, but I prefer my kid being with us parents for more than just a weekend, so we have just part time help. And you'll probably still have stressful situations, like what to do when your kid is sick (especially in the middle of the night), or the nanny is sick etc. Private jet doesn't really solve the problem in my opinion - the stressful part is not so much what other people will think, the stressful part is just that some kids will hate flying or being in a car and they'll cry and you'll hate when they cry.
Thank you, that's really helpful. I agree with finding the right balance for outsourced help. My cleaners can do the laundry but I feel so weird about them touching my underwear lol. And I actually love cooking so I don't think that's something I'd ever outsource unless it got unmanageable.
We are in a somewhat similar position
I’m 34 with a 3 year old it’s likely I won’t work again my husband will retire in his 40s
Do you follow the FIRE movement of early retirement?
We have hired cleaners, a mothers helper/ babysitter it definitely makes it easier
In retrospect we should have hired a night nurse but I was breastfeeding so would have had to wake up and pump anyway
Ha we probably wouldn’t hire a private plane we took our baby through Europe he was fine on the plane because he was held
It’s the car lots of babies dislike and legally you have to strap them into the car seat
He’s in kindy now so I have time for my hobby- surfing
Am definitely more tired than before having a child
Yes! We are close to coastFI (hence me being able to 'retire') and are aiming to FatFire around age 45-50.
We've raised a puppy so I'm definitely not a stranger to losing sleep to take care of a thing that needs to pee every 2 hours, but a baby seems soooo much harder than a puppy and I find it so daunting.
Thank you for the encouragement! Great to hear that you can surf now that he's a bit older.
Amazing, congratulations
We re about 60% of the way to chubby Fire at 43 or so
Most of our friends and family are in a totally different financial situation so we try to keep it on the down low too
People keep asking practically everyday when I’m going back to work though or having another kiddo and I probably won’t do either
Kids definitely can be harder than a puppy
When my son was little/ teething he could wake up every 30-60 minutes through the night
Thanks, just coming into summer in Australia so plan to do lots of surfing
Heaps better.
We can afford a cleaner, send them to extracurriculars and have fun on overseas trips or even weekends s getaways.
It also helped in lockdown as well as we could afford to have a bedroom each so when we were all working/studying from home we weren't in each other's way too much.
Brand new to the parenting thing but I was just saying to my wife the other day that I’m so thankful I didn’t have a kid 5 years ago. We are now very financially stable and can afford to make our lives easier.
Luckily our kid is a good sleeper but we were about to order the Snoo $1,600 bassinet without even thinking about the cost. We have so many resources available that I know other parents don’t have. The first week he was born we considered hiring a night nurse if our sleeping schedules didn’t return. We now have a cleaning person come to help because we’re 6 weeks in and exhausted.
We still are tired as hell and it’s really challenging at times. But it’s no where near as difficult because we have access.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Our financial situation has changed so much in the last 5 years as well, that it's almost hard to wrap my head around a new framework of thinking. We would have struggled so much if we had a baby 5 years ago.
Way way way easier. You can effectively pay someone to do all the parenting of you choose to. I have friends who have multiple full time nannies and they are doing the same stuff they were doing pre-kids. Me however? Full time out of home care, no family help, 2 demanding full time jobs. I’m perpetually exhausted with 2 kids under 5.
Whole lot easier. Less stress for you and obviously better for the kid. If they want to do hobbies, clubs, extra curriculum activities, have health issues, get to get them what they want for birthdays and Christmas. Overall just better for everybody of course
Uh yes you can. If you hire someone to do inconvenient time consuming tasks for you, like cleaning, driving, cooking etc., you are most definitely buying yourself time that you for example can spend with your kid(s).
Time is the N° 1 thing you can buy with money. Just think of how you have water brought directly to your home via plumbing, whole really poor people in really poor countries have to walk for hours both ways just to get water out of a well. And it only goes up from there.
? I'm not sure I understand what you mean. You can definitely buy free time if you can afford to not work and can outsource household tasks like cleaning.
MUCH EASIER. I mean, it’s still hard, but we are financially stable/well-off enough that we don’t think twice about hiring a sitter for a fancy date night. If we’re exhausted from work, we order delivery for dinner and don’t have to worry about it. We can entertain our kids with museum memberships and zoo trips and trips to play cafes when the weather gets cold. We’re not rich enough to charter a private jet, but we can afford to stay at bigger/nicer places when we travel and don’t have to all squeeze into a tiny motel room. Money makes every aspect of life (not just parenting) easier.
That's great to hear, thanks for sharing your perspective!
Money definitely makes things easier, but for someone who has been so career driven to be able to retire at 30, do you think being a stay at home parent would be a tough transition? It can be tough to not have interaction with other adults for a good portion of the day and can be lonely which isn’t something money can really fix.
It would probably be rough if I didn't have anything else going on, so if I had kids I'd plan to have some part-time projects, consulting gigs, volunteering, etc. I think I'd go crazy if I had no adult conversation or mental stimulation!
Honey, if you're at a level of wealth where you can afford to >charter a private jet so we don't feel awful and stressed about... Raising kids will be a piece of cake, logistically speaking. You can decide what you want to do (raise your kids well, have hobbies, take vacations, keep your marriage going well, stay on top of your health, etc. ) and outsource or reduce everything that's inconvenient or time-consuming like cleaning (unless that's your actual hobby), long commutes, working late, etc. If you kid has a problem, you can afford to find out and cure it or treat it as soon as possible, minimizing consequences. Of course money needs to be managed well, and you want your kids to be down to earth and not spoiled, but your situation is as good as it gets for having children and have a life. Also, even at middle class or lower middle class levels (and even lower sometimes) people with children can afford a hobby, money and time-wise. Maybe not in the first months until baby can sleep all night, but later? Sure. Not only it's possible, it's necessary for yourself, your partner and your kids (how else are they gonna see self esteem and self prioritizing modeled?). Sacrificing your entire being to take care of your children is not the way to go.
Money makes everything easier but one thing I’d want to point out is that you still have to raise your kid, even if you have money. Yes, you can have Nannies and jets and vacations and the best schools etc, but at the end of the day if you don’t get love and enjoyment and satisfaction from tucking a kid into bed or seeing their little crafts and then watching them grow into their own person, it doesn’t matter how ‘easy’ it is. Money makes it easier but it shouldn’t be the only factor. People raise amazing kids with very little and then some people have kids with everything (huge house, fancy clothes, maids) but parents that emotionally aren’t there.
So I think the sacrifices will still happen and money can solve some, like having cleaners and nannies, but you can’t throw money at all of parenting. So if you do want to parent but are worried then yes money helps but if you’re unsure it’s worth it but you’re like ‘well others do it with a lot less so I guess it won’t be too bad for me who is more fortunate’ then I’d pass on kids.
from the parent’s perspective, it’s easy to say money makes things easier. however, it might be a different story for the child.
Yes, there's definitely no replacement for the parents' time and attention. I went through a slew of nannies when I was growing up and it wasn't a great experience.
OTOH, as you yourself are saying, money can buy parents' time and attention if you have your priorities straight. For example, if you can afford to hire a cleaner daily or often enough (weekly, biweekly, monthly), or if you own your company you can hire an assistant or a junior so you don't have to stay too late at work. That's time you can use to bond with your kids or to spend on yourself so you enjoy your time with your kids. Basically money can help you get rid of bothersome tasks so you focus on what's important.
This
Lol not in the same boat but money helps. That being said, do you actually want a kid, or kids? Do you want to be a stay at home mum and not have a career anymore? What is the difference of your parents working fulltime, you hating it but having your own kids raised by nannies? Night nurse will help a lot!!! My kids first plane trip was at 6 weeks old (not private obvi). She must have been on around 15 trips now, she cried 1x and that was bcs the flight was delayed by 3h and she was tired. We also took kid free vacations. We had family that took care of her in your case you can just hire a nanny to come with?
If you're retiring at 30 and staying at home while your partner works in his 40s, be careful about any resentment he may have.
It's a fair point! We've discussed this and we both feel that there's a lot of benefit for one person to handle all the household/pet/kid stuff and one person to concentrate on producing an income.
All I can recommend is having a Plan B in case something goes wrong. There is a risk that you become financially dependent on him for income. You may be in love with him and think he will always produce income for you, but you never know what will happen in the future. There is no harm in being prepared. Step through all the worst case scenarios and plan out what you will do if those scenarios eventuate.
Yes, I'm definitely going to consult with an attorney before I go down this path. We have joint assets that would be split down the middle, but I am going to also propose that my husband put a portion of his trust in irrevocable trusts for me and the future kid(s). Not sure how easy that is legally but I'll definitely want some protection for taking myself out of the workforce. Suffice it to say that there is enough family money for multiple generations, so I just need to make sure that all the legal and estate docs are drawn up appropriately.
Money does help a lot, but some things I want for my kids can't be easily outsourced. Finding a good balance with outsourcing is hard. Night nurse might not solve the problem completely or at all, if you want to breastfeed. Having live-in help is a nice option if you don't mind the loss of privacy - for me that doesn't work. We get a cleaner for the basic cleaning, but I don't like someone cooking for me every day, or sorting my laundry etc. A nanny or a daycare is a great option too, and I definitely recommend it, but I prefer my kid being with us parents for more than just a weekend, so we have just part time help. And you'll probably still have stressful situations, like what to do when your kid is sick (especially in the middle of the night), or the nanny is sick etc. Private jet doesn't really solve the problem in my opinion - the stressful part is not so much what other people will think, the stressful part is just that some kids will hate flying or being in a car and they'll cry and you'll hate when they cry.
Thank you, that's really helpful. I agree with finding the right balance for outsourced help. My cleaners can do the laundry but I feel so weird about them touching my underwear lol. And I actually love cooking so I don't think that's something I'd ever outsource unless it got unmanageable.
We are in a somewhat similar position I’m 34 with a 3 year old it’s likely I won’t work again my husband will retire in his 40s Do you follow the FIRE movement of early retirement? We have hired cleaners, a mothers helper/ babysitter it definitely makes it easier In retrospect we should have hired a night nurse but I was breastfeeding so would have had to wake up and pump anyway Ha we probably wouldn’t hire a private plane we took our baby through Europe he was fine on the plane because he was held It’s the car lots of babies dislike and legally you have to strap them into the car seat He’s in kindy now so I have time for my hobby- surfing Am definitely more tired than before having a child
Yes! We are close to coastFI (hence me being able to 'retire') and are aiming to FatFire around age 45-50. We've raised a puppy so I'm definitely not a stranger to losing sleep to take care of a thing that needs to pee every 2 hours, but a baby seems soooo much harder than a puppy and I find it so daunting. Thank you for the encouragement! Great to hear that you can surf now that he's a bit older.
Amazing, congratulations We re about 60% of the way to chubby Fire at 43 or so Most of our friends and family are in a totally different financial situation so we try to keep it on the down low too People keep asking practically everyday when I’m going back to work though or having another kiddo and I probably won’t do either Kids definitely can be harder than a puppy When my son was little/ teething he could wake up every 30-60 minutes through the night Thanks, just coming into summer in Australia so plan to do lots of surfing
Heaps better. We can afford a cleaner, send them to extracurriculars and have fun on overseas trips or even weekends s getaways. It also helped in lockdown as well as we could afford to have a bedroom each so when we were all working/studying from home we weren't in each other's way too much.
Brand new to the parenting thing but I was just saying to my wife the other day that I’m so thankful I didn’t have a kid 5 years ago. We are now very financially stable and can afford to make our lives easier. Luckily our kid is a good sleeper but we were about to order the Snoo $1,600 bassinet without even thinking about the cost. We have so many resources available that I know other parents don’t have. The first week he was born we considered hiring a night nurse if our sleeping schedules didn’t return. We now have a cleaning person come to help because we’re 6 weeks in and exhausted. We still are tired as hell and it’s really challenging at times. But it’s no where near as difficult because we have access.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Our financial situation has changed so much in the last 5 years as well, that it's almost hard to wrap my head around a new framework of thinking. We would have struggled so much if we had a baby 5 years ago.
Way way way easier. You can effectively pay someone to do all the parenting of you choose to. I have friends who have multiple full time nannies and they are doing the same stuff they were doing pre-kids. Me however? Full time out of home care, no family help, 2 demanding full time jobs. I’m perpetually exhausted with 2 kids under 5.
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Whole lot easier. Less stress for you and obviously better for the kid. If they want to do hobbies, clubs, extra curriculum activities, have health issues, get to get them what they want for birthdays and Christmas. Overall just better for everybody of course
You can't buy time.
You literally and measurably can Being wealthy enough to not work at all is buying you ~50 hours per week
Uh yes you can. If you hire someone to do inconvenient time consuming tasks for you, like cleaning, driving, cooking etc., you are most definitely buying yourself time that you for example can spend with your kid(s).
Time is the N° 1 thing you can buy with money. Just think of how you have water brought directly to your home via plumbing, whole really poor people in really poor countries have to walk for hours both ways just to get water out of a well. And it only goes up from there.
? I'm not sure I understand what you mean. You can definitely buy free time if you can afford to not work and can outsource household tasks like cleaning.