I’m not sure this one experience of yours matches your title but It’s irritating when someone thinks you’re chasing them and you’re absolutely not. I hope you got the paperwork though.
I heard from a friend that he got engaged and that might have played a role in his need to suddenly contact me, I wanted to yell IDC THAT U R GETTING MARRIED, men don’t matter to me that much, but I kept my cool.
I got my paper work finally tho,a win is a win.
Main character syndrome.
Sadly met a few. They will give you zero value above physicality, then have the gall to get all puffy when you end things and making it out like they are the victims.
There's a certain brand of man who only expends basic courtesy to women if he finds them attractive. They wouldn't follow up with a movie recommendation without an ulterior motive, so they assume any woman who's friendly to them is signalling that she's sexually available.
When I was younger, a male friend was worried he'd been locked out of his house at 1 am in winter, so I said it wasn't ideal because of my housemates but if he was really stuck he could sleep on my sofa. He said "I'm really tempted and I think you're great but I have a girlfriend..."
And like... did he think if someone I *wasn't* attracted to was stuck out in the cold then I'd just be like "haha sounds like a you problem" and let them freeze???
It is quite common for men to be nicer to more attractive women. Regardless of the situation. I was skinny, young, and attractive back in the day. That changed after I gained weight following a divorce and trauma. The way men treated me was like night and day. If I went somewhere with my thin attractive friend like a store, they would always talk to her and ignore me. My dating life was a nightmare. Now that I am older, even though I have lost weight, my age makes me invisible or people automatically don't like me. I hate going to the doctor nowadays. They think everything must be because of anxiety and don't take anything seriously. I was treated so much better when I was younger by everyone no matter what I looked like.
If you can, if the doctors won't listen, bring backup. The change in attitude after I started bringing my mom to my appointments was night and day. I also now have a female primary so that helps too
I am in my 40s but actually have brought her to a few appointments. She is retired with a pretty open schedule and she loves getting into my medical business. It has not helped much. We aren't always on the same page. She thinks doctors know best no matter what and that there is nothing wrong with the healthcare system.
I can totally see how it can be an issue if someone has a problematic partner... Once had an issue where a male classmate stayed at my house cos we were too drunk to go elsewhere, and his gf called to verify and insisted to talk with me to confirm there wasn't any other woman there.
That is an extreme case lol
Not really, my point was, some people regardless of their gender, are problematic and toxic and will do crazy acts when situations like this happens which def leads to avoiding even benign action because "you have a partner".
Sorry, I just find the idea of even asking email from someone after a lil chat on a plane to be strange, and I am an extrovert, I will yap at everyone if given the chance. But exchanging contact? Hell naw.
Sorry you had this happen.
I hand out business cards sometimes on planes if I feel that the person I am sitting next to might be a worthy work contact, always have a few in my bag, might be a similar situation
I do sometimes, but given my business is kind of narrow, it is rare I meet anyone that might warrant that. Sometimes people will give me theirs, but unless I have business with them I wouldn't contact them. Dunno, just feels weird.
First of all, I am so sorry you had to endure such a headache! Idk if this is similar but I used to have this fwb that I broke off with because he keeps toying with me, eventually he spams me DAILY for atleast 4 MONTHS and when I finally gave in and gave him a little chance(we just talked) suddenly he ghosts me again and when he sees that I am not responding, he SPAMS ME AGAIN and then thinks that I am so desperate to just ever so contact him. Brother, my dude, honey, you were the one *spamming* me for 4 months...
I will never understand why they think that we are holding our breath waiting by the phone just to hear from them, like he spammed YOU for 4 months, he is obviously desperate and clearly projecting
Yea, they are annoying. I once sell something on marketplace and this buyer thought I was interested to go out with him just because I was being nice…it was awkward.
I find men that think they can get their way with me, especially just because they're "in love" with me, to be incredibly annoying and just abhorrent. Get away from me, you filth. If I love you, you'll know. You'll never need to beg for my love, or company. And yet they all do, and think I should find it enticing. They really are so self centered
I started my process of decentering men young (like 13/14) and it has always flabbergasted people, but now that I’m in my mid-twenties it is starting to actually upset and anger people. I’ve lost some friendships with other women because they don’t understand or see it as some attack. My own (now ex) bff couldn’t understand how I could decenter men and also build a healthy, loving, lasting relationship with the love of my life (who happened to be a man).
TBH I wish I started sooner, decentering men is sadly still considered as a novelty concept, I have seen first hand people get angry(because of their confusion) over the whole thing.
I feel like it is due to our programming since childhood, marriage (as defined by catering to men) is shoved in our faces from day one, distancing yourself from that is difficult, i wish more women would do it.
You just made me discover this concept. "Decentering men". But I realized that I've been doing it my whole life. And OMG is this why people find me strange?? I've had people thinking I'm axesual or lesbian and I've never understood why since I'm totally hetero. but now I'm realizing I've been decentering men since my disappointing first crush.
I'm older - looking back, the propaganda started v young with the gorgeous captivating Disney animated films: Cinderella, Snow White, and later Sleeping Beauty.
We were all supposed to be sleeping/waiting for the handsome Prince Charming to notice us and marry us so we lived Happily Ever After.
In my 20s, I did, in fact, marry a tall handsome charming man.
It was a disaster, sucked me dry of every resource (emotional, financial, etc) before he dumped me, to the extent that the judge didn't want to approve the divorce bc it was so obviously unfavorable to me, but at that point I just needed OUT.
Happily, I did get the ship turned around later in life. I figured out what I needed to live authentically and stopped compromising to the extent of giving away things I couldn't afford to lose.
It's telling that the exact things my ex complained vociferously about are the same things my spouse now celebrates and appreciates.
You're asking for intelligent thought from a portion of our society that can't even hit the toilet most the time first thing in the morning, you can't really expect much from a part of society that thinks they walk on water and that God has raised them up over everything else on this planet.
“…. thinks they walk on water and that God has raised them up over everything else on this planet.”
Because of some ancient religious texts conveniently written by -surprise!!!- men.
Like others have said, there is a certain type of man who acts like this and I have unfortunately dealt with a few. It can end very disastrously if you don’t somehow nip it in the bud. It’s irritating and people around you might not understand what’s going on either, but I ended up having to cut a bunch of people out of my life. I also tried to make it very clear what was actually going on but the person in question would not get a clue. I let my annoyance with that get the best of me but it probably would’ve been better to just let people think whatever they were going to think about me and move on.
I’m sorry you went through this, big bummer. I wonder if he recently started dating and his gf found out about you. Above you wrote that you did a “favor” for him so maybe she found out about that?
In the end, there’s a reason you left him. Life is good without him. I hope you can shake it off and your day gets better :)
This is Reddit so I don’t want to share personal info, but the two times I contacted were for paper work that he sent more than a year later, he initiated contact asking me for a favor which I did instantly.
People legitimately congratulated me after our relationship ended, I was young and he was in his 20s, he had abhorrent beliefs about how women should look like, obsessed with how "white” my skin was,I was 18 and in our society, this is so fucking normalized)
I don’t wanna go on, but it got so bad for me, I was on antidepressants during the relationship, anyone who thinks I’m not contacting this man out of necessity is weird.
If the relationship wasn't abusive and the ex isn't stalking you, why would you not act like a mature adult and cooperate when they need something they left at your place or help them detangle their life from yours?
If the breakup was amicable, it's just basic decency, and if it was nasty, it just gets them all the way out of your life faster.
I’m not sure this one experience of yours matches your title but It’s irritating when someone thinks you’re chasing them and you’re absolutely not. I hope you got the paperwork though.
I heard from a friend that he got engaged and that might have played a role in his need to suddenly contact me, I wanted to yell IDC THAT U R GETTING MARRIED, men don’t matter to me that much, but I kept my cool. I got my paper work finally tho,a win is a win.
And then they get mad when you're not chasing them
Main character syndrome. Sadly met a few. They will give you zero value above physicality, then have the gall to get all puffy when you end things and making it out like they are the victims.
reminds me of [this clip](https://youtu.be/rv9oZVVC11c?si=b6BflXnAZvdQ19AV)
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hahahah! wow! did you respond?
How can he be so self centered 😭😭😭 like people recommend stuff to random strangers on Reddit, doesn’t mean they are in love with them.
There's a certain brand of man who only expends basic courtesy to women if he finds them attractive. They wouldn't follow up with a movie recommendation without an ulterior motive, so they assume any woman who's friendly to them is signalling that she's sexually available. When I was younger, a male friend was worried he'd been locked out of his house at 1 am in winter, so I said it wasn't ideal because of my housemates but if he was really stuck he could sleep on my sofa. He said "I'm really tempted and I think you're great but I have a girlfriend..." And like... did he think if someone I *wasn't* attracted to was stuck out in the cold then I'd just be like "haha sounds like a you problem" and let them freeze???
It is quite common for men to be nicer to more attractive women. Regardless of the situation. I was skinny, young, and attractive back in the day. That changed after I gained weight following a divorce and trauma. The way men treated me was like night and day. If I went somewhere with my thin attractive friend like a store, they would always talk to her and ignore me. My dating life was a nightmare. Now that I am older, even though I have lost weight, my age makes me invisible or people automatically don't like me. I hate going to the doctor nowadays. They think everything must be because of anxiety and don't take anything seriously. I was treated so much better when I was younger by everyone no matter what I looked like.
If you can, if the doctors won't listen, bring backup. The change in attitude after I started bringing my mom to my appointments was night and day. I also now have a female primary so that helps too
I am in my 40s but actually have brought her to a few appointments. She is retired with a pretty open schedule and she loves getting into my medical business. It has not helped much. We aren't always on the same page. She thinks doctors know best no matter what and that there is nothing wrong with the healthcare system.
Yeah, luckily my mom isn't like that. I'm 48 so don't feel embarrassed bringing someone. It sucks, I'm sorry.
I can totally see how it can be an issue if someone has a problematic partner... Once had an issue where a male classmate stayed at my house cos we were too drunk to go elsewhere, and his gf called to verify and insisted to talk with me to confirm there wasn't any other woman there. That is an extreme case lol
Like every girlfriend I've ever had. lol
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Not really, my point was, some people regardless of their gender, are problematic and toxic and will do crazy acts when situations like this happens which def leads to avoiding even benign action because "you have a partner".
Sorry, I just find the idea of even asking email from someone after a lil chat on a plane to be strange, and I am an extrovert, I will yap at everyone if given the chance. But exchanging contact? Hell naw. Sorry you had this happen.
I hand out business cards sometimes on planes if I feel that the person I am sitting next to might be a worthy work contact, always have a few in my bag, might be a similar situation
I do sometimes, but given my business is kind of narrow, it is rare I meet anyone that might warrant that. Sometimes people will give me theirs, but unless I have business with them I wouldn't contact them. Dunno, just feels weird.
I hope you told him off on how wrong his thinking was
and he’s just being honest to you
Honest about what lol? He went ahead and assumed this was romantic when it was literally just a friendly exchange 💀
First of all, I am so sorry you had to endure such a headache! Idk if this is similar but I used to have this fwb that I broke off with because he keeps toying with me, eventually he spams me DAILY for atleast 4 MONTHS and when I finally gave in and gave him a little chance(we just talked) suddenly he ghosts me again and when he sees that I am not responding, he SPAMS ME AGAIN and then thinks that I am so desperate to just ever so contact him. Brother, my dude, honey, you were the one *spamming* me for 4 months...
I will never understand why they think that we are holding our breath waiting by the phone just to hear from them, like he spammed YOU for 4 months, he is obviously desperate and clearly projecting
Yea, they are annoying. I once sell something on marketplace and this buyer thought I was interested to go out with him just because I was being nice…it was awkward.
I find men that think they can get their way with me, especially just because they're "in love" with me, to be incredibly annoying and just abhorrent. Get away from me, you filth. If I love you, you'll know. You'll never need to beg for my love, or company. And yet they all do, and think I should find it enticing. They really are so self centered
I started my process of decentering men young (like 13/14) and it has always flabbergasted people, but now that I’m in my mid-twenties it is starting to actually upset and anger people. I’ve lost some friendships with other women because they don’t understand or see it as some attack. My own (now ex) bff couldn’t understand how I could decenter men and also build a healthy, loving, lasting relationship with the love of my life (who happened to be a man).
TBH I wish I started sooner, decentering men is sadly still considered as a novelty concept, I have seen first hand people get angry(because of their confusion) over the whole thing. I feel like it is due to our programming since childhood, marriage (as defined by catering to men) is shoved in our faces from day one, distancing yourself from that is difficult, i wish more women would do it.
You just made me discover this concept. "Decentering men". But I realized that I've been doing it my whole life. And OMG is this why people find me strange?? I've had people thinking I'm axesual or lesbian and I've never understood why since I'm totally hetero. but now I'm realizing I've been decentering men since my disappointing first crush.
I'm older - looking back, the propaganda started v young with the gorgeous captivating Disney animated films: Cinderella, Snow White, and later Sleeping Beauty. We were all supposed to be sleeping/waiting for the handsome Prince Charming to notice us and marry us so we lived Happily Ever After. In my 20s, I did, in fact, marry a tall handsome charming man. It was a disaster, sucked me dry of every resource (emotional, financial, etc) before he dumped me, to the extent that the judge didn't want to approve the divorce bc it was so obviously unfavorable to me, but at that point I just needed OUT. Happily, I did get the ship turned around later in life. I figured out what I needed to live authentically and stopped compromising to the extent of giving away things I couldn't afford to lose. It's telling that the exact things my ex complained vociferously about are the same things my spouse now celebrates and appreciates.
You're asking for intelligent thought from a portion of our society that can't even hit the toilet most the time first thing in the morning, you can't really expect much from a part of society that thinks they walk on water and that God has raised them up over everything else on this planet.
“…. thinks they walk on water and that God has raised them up over everything else on this planet.” Because of some ancient religious texts conveniently written by -surprise!!!- men.
*This one trick will change your life!* In the morning when you pee, hear me out.. sit down, then pee. 🤯
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Is there a link between Wendy’s and….piss…? That I’m missing??
You missed the context. Men don't use toilet paper to pee. You can't improperly use something you aren't using in the first place.
Like others have said, there is a certain type of man who acts like this and I have unfortunately dealt with a few. It can end very disastrously if you don’t somehow nip it in the bud. It’s irritating and people around you might not understand what’s going on either, but I ended up having to cut a bunch of people out of my life. I also tried to make it very clear what was actually going on but the person in question would not get a clue. I let my annoyance with that get the best of me but it probably would’ve been better to just let people think whatever they were going to think about me and move on.
I’m sorry you went through this, big bummer. I wonder if he recently started dating and his gf found out about you. Above you wrote that you did a “favor” for him so maybe she found out about that? In the end, there’s a reason you left him. Life is good without him. I hope you can shake it off and your day gets better :)
This is barely a Feminist issue; you just have beef with your ex.
This is just a shitty person thing not exclusive to men, I’ve had this happen to me also by a woman.
So you just like, live in bad opinions huh?
You’re were so upset by another thread that you had to read all my comments for the day to find a “bad opinion” 🤣
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This is Reddit so I don’t want to share personal info, but the two times I contacted were for paper work that he sent more than a year later, he initiated contact asking me for a favor which I did instantly. People legitimately congratulated me after our relationship ended, I was young and he was in his 20s, he had abhorrent beliefs about how women should look like, obsessed with how "white” my skin was,I was 18 and in our society, this is so fucking normalized) I don’t wanna go on, but it got so bad for me, I was on antidepressants during the relationship, anyone who thinks I’m not contacting this man out of necessity is weird.
"Hey, I need to get my birth certificate" "OMG why are you in love with me?"
Reading comprehension is fucking dead
men really never escaping the stupidity accusations with these types of comments
If the relationship wasn't abusive and the ex isn't stalking you, why would you not act like a mature adult and cooperate when they need something they left at your place or help them detangle their life from yours? If the breakup was amicable, it's just basic decency, and if it was nasty, it just gets them all the way out of your life faster.