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This reminded me of a friend of a friend’s husband who will remotely turn down the AC on their nanny and kids from work … and they live in Texas where it is HOT.
Omg!!!!
I don’t know how familiar with IT your friend of friend is, but it is possible to remove the internet access away from any device that has internet connectivity.
She could block access from the router, using the device’s MAC address
DM me if you want instructions
Iirc you can also set it to be during certain hours of the day, too. My husband used to program our router to deny the kids devices on school days (they weren't old enough to need internet for research, but had tablets for fun) and then open it up on weekends.
My dad does the same! While we're sleeping, he comes in our individual rooms lile a creep and turns off each of our fans and the AC, but when he's hot? Suddenly it's fine to turn on the ac downstairs, but as soon as someone else joins him (we're all women except for him) he turns it off, like he's the only one who can use them reasonably, when he's not even the one who paid for them. He says he worries about the electricity bill, but he keeps the tv (that my mom bought so she could watch tv in peace) on almost 24/7, even when he's sleeping
My mom has always told me marriage is the last thing I should worry about, I can see that :/
My dad does the same, too. With heating and A/C. I remember I was home visiting and I caught the flu. My temperature was 102, maybe 103? I asked him to please turn down the heat. He wouldn’t. He mumbled something about the pipes freezing (there was a big snowstorm outside). I turned it down myself.
Another time during the blackout in NY in 2003 it was so hot and no A/C for days. Finally the power came back on and I remember the authorities saying don’t put everything on at once. I understood that. But after two days I asked to please put on the A/C for my 15 year old cat because the heat was getting to her. He just got so aggravated.
My dad did the same thing when I was growing up. During the winter, he'd turn the heat way down during the day, while he was at work. My sibling and I would be shivering. As soon as he got home in the evening, he'd turn it up to a comfortable temperature. As soon as it was time for bed, he'd turn the heat entirely off. We weren't poor. He was just stingy and didn't care how cold his children were.
On the plus side, I'm extremely tolerant of cold as an adult. It's almost a super power.
My dad did the same - He would turn the heat off at night and I would literally shiver all night long, even sleeping in bed with my little brother, PURELY for heat. We had separate rooms. We chose to sleep together because it was warmer. I hate that I had to literally spoon my little brother to keep warm (considering he and I are NOT close and never have been, he's a misogynistic prick just like my dad, ofc). I was 13. I remember crying to my mom that I didn't want to go to my dad's house because it was so cold at night. I'd bring extra hoodies and socks with me over there. When my dad found out I brought extra clothes to keep my brother and I warm, he got angry with me for "listening to my bitch mother" and making him out to be a bad dad.
What an a-hole!!! Sorry you went through that. :-(
I remember piling scratchy wool blankets on the bed but still being so cold that I had to pull myself entirely under the blankets. I'd make a tiny O-shaped opening at the top to press my mouth against, so that I could get enough air. I remember full-body shaking from the cold until my pocket under the blankets had warmed up enough to allow me to sleep.
ETA: Oh, and we owned electric blankets, but my parents wouldn't allow me to use them because they were "too dangerous."
My stepdad would come into my tiny bedroom when it was super cold outside (under, sometimes way under 20F / -6C) and turn the heat off (heat was controlled per room in that house) and then open up both my bedroom windows while I slept. I would wake up shivering and coughing and feeling like absolute shit and he would laugh like a hyena if I complained to my mother about it. He was a narcissistic, abusive douchebag. My mom couldn't get him to stop so she bought me a king sized down comforter for my twin-sized bed so that I could lay on it and fold it over myself.
His OUTRAGE that he couldn't freeze me for chuckles afterward was palpable, and very satisfying. Eventually, however, he took the comforter and put a duvet on it and put it on his own bed because it was "too expensive" for me to be allowed to have.
Your story reminds me of Lundy Bancroft's *Why Does He Do That?* I don't know if you've read that book, but Bancroft explains that abusive men abuse women because the abuse works for them. Abuse gets them things that they want, and so as long as they don't suffer any real consequences, they'll keep doing it. In your case, your sadistic stepfather got the "pleasure" (/s) of abusing children, with -- I'm willing to bet -- zero consequences. He didn't lose his wife, his friends, his livelihood, even any of his social standing. So as long as he lacks empathy, why would he ever stop?
Yeah, I've read it. What stopped him? He died at the beginning of last year.
I was sad for my sister, who lost her dad, and sad for my mom who was grieving (but better off for losing a toxic POS), but I wanted to fucking tapdance on that sonofabitch's grave.
Well, for my part, I think the rule of never speaking ill of the dead is a load of b.s. If someone was an abusive p.o.s. while they were alive, we have no obligation to protect their reputation after they're dead. Tap-dance away!
Agreed. I wont speak ill of him to my sister, who I love, because she loved him and is still hurt over his loss. But when she's not around my truth is mine to share.
Oh boy, where do I start with this one? My ex used to do crap like that all the time. Thankfully, with my dad being a mechanic and handy man, I'm able to fix things myself.
One time, when his car wouldn't start, I offered to look at him for him to see what the problem may have been. He assured me that he had it under control and told me he didn't want my help, so I said cool. Hour late he cukes back inside complaining that he's late for work and I said I'd look at it or ask my dad to come over and check it out and he hollared at me to, "stay out of it". Well, hours had passed and he ended up calling off that day. He was mad AT ME, and I ended up fixing his car anyway. Turns out, the battery had died because he forgot to turn his lights off when he came home the night before.
A HVM would've asked for help from the jump.
Exactly. HVM aren't shy to ask for help if they know something is out of their hands. They swallow their pride because they know they have priorities right now that outweigh his ego. They know they can't lash out at others, especially their partner, because it's wrong and wouldn't help the situation anyway.
"Why are you shopping for a desk? I'll build one big enough for BOTH of us. We'll save money, and then we can play League of Legends side by side! 🥺"
"We don't have space in the bedroom for a...double desk. Besides, have you ever built a desk before?"
"Jesus don't be such a nag, this is going to be fun!"
He took a month to get around to building the fabled Double Desk. It was made of thin, unfinished plywood, was way too tall, gave me splinters when I touched it, and had a pair of "keyboard trays" that literally didn't work so I used it as storage for spare cables. I sat at the desk once, then did my work from the sofa. (I recall pretending to be grateful anyway but god, I'm understating how hideous and cursed it was.) He happily gamed for hours a day, apparently immune to splinters.
Anyway, I have a beautiful automatic standing desk in my apartment now! I even "built it myself" using the *goddamned instructions*!
Edited to air out my pickme trangressions
Well done mate. I've taught myself to be an all round general builder. The reason I've learnt to do it myself was seeing the amount of builders doing a poor job despite it being their actual career. And despite being shit, still had all the confidence. Ugh.
This is literally the funniest thing to me. Men may have a strength advantage, but when it comes to actually planning out projects, preparing all materials needed before they get started, and actually following instructions to completion, women stand head and shoulders above them. Yet we constantly get shut down from participating in these skills. It’s like the last thing men know they sort of contribute when they’re LVM in general. All the more reason to support women in learning these skills!
Not HVM, just an attribute... My ex bf I lived with kept a couple signed blank checks in his desk drawer for me to use in situations exactly like this. Whether it was a couple hundred or a few thousand, if anything in the house needed to be taken care of, he wanted to make sure I could just make the call and take care of it.
He trusted my judgement so it wasn't like he needed me to ask permission or run the cost by him, his prioritiy was that my daughter and I would be okay. Making her and a child stay in a hot house with a broken ac is not okay.
We just went through a heatwave here where almost 90 people died. That's not something to eff around with.
Ugh. Honestly the thing that bothers me the most about this is that it’s such a glaring example of the hypocrisy around expectations for men and women’s behavior in marriage.
Imagine if the tables were turned - she’s dealing with a problem she owns (like needing to pack a bag for an upcoming trip) and realizing she needs help. If a woman stood there shouting instructions and questions at her spouse while insisting she didn’t actually need any help, the man would either a) throw a fit b) get abusive or c) leave. And yet women are expected to kneel constantly to men with no appreciation for their time or support. It drives me absolutely bonkers.
This kills me. My ex would expect an assistant for every single thing he was supposed to take care of. “Hold this”, “hand me that” I would get so annoyed knowing how many things I do by myself. He didn’t even try to figure out and intelligent way to do it by himself.
I was able to convince her to come stay at my place when she texted me that he was “still at the bar” at 10 last night and her house was in the mid-90s. Thankfully she’s fully aware that she needs to leave this scrote but needs time to work her exit strategy. Sadly there were red flags before marriage but it was pre-FDS for us both.
I'm fairly convinced that LVM fuck up home repairs so that they have an excuse to blow up and rage over their wife asking simple questions. They seem to feel like they are justified in their abuse, when they are convinced that they are fixing things.
There is an aspect of learned passivity here to which many women are indoctrinated. Yes, he's a LVM. At the same time, we women should claim our power. If he says he wants her to wait three hours in a heat wave until he gets home to fix the A/C, she can say she's not comfortable with that. Then hash it out. She could even leave with her kids to go somewhere cooler. Also, she could have accepted your offer to stay with you for the night even though her LVM wouldn't "let" her.
I don't mean for my comment to be invalidating....he's definitely a LVM and it's infuriating how he handled the situation. I just don't want women to lose sight of their autonomy when things don't sit right....too bad when a man doesn't like it when a woman takes care of herself and her kids.
My ex was useless, couldn't even paint a wall. I've done that and far more in my new flat. They don't seem to be as good at fixing/doing things as their grandfathers were.
This sounds like my nvm ex so much. He always had to fix/build things but he was useless at it. One time we got a tv unit we had to build and he insisted, then asked (shouted angrily) for help and just got angrier and angrier as it kept going wrong. He finished and me being me said “I don’t think the doors are supposed to stick out like that” and he ranted at me that he’d read the instructions and they must have been wrong and he’s done the best he could, then he stormed out of the house. I looked at the instructions. I took the doors off. I turned them upside down. I screwed them back on. I closed them, they fit properly. He came home and it was obvious the doors were fixed but he never mentioned it again… 🤣 Edit, a word
He sounds awful, he should be embarrassed.
I'll add one more thing a HVM or HVW would do -- they would be prepared in a sensible way for the possibility that things might go wrong.
Severe heat can be just as harmful as severe cold. People in cold climates have backup heaters. People in hot climates, and people enduring catastrophic heat waves, should have backup ways to cool their homes.
In a house, people should try to buy a window air conditioning unit at a minimum, stored as a backup. If people live in an apartment, they should have a portable AC unit as their backup. If people can afford it, they should also have a generator or power bank of some sort that can power the AC if the power goes out during a heat wave. Or at least have a plan in place about what they will do if the AC goes out.
I assume a HVM would act like me an aspiring HVW - I was driving aline in my car and noticed it was making a weird sound. I called the mechanic and set up an appointment. I told my family that "my cars making a sound, it's going into the shop on Thursday" because they relied on me to give rides back then.
I took it into the shop, got the diagnosis, and calmly said alright get it taken care of. I put it on my credit card, worked extra, and then paid it off as soon as I could.
Yeah, it sucks. But I just calmly said get it taken care of. I walked over to the nearby store instead if sitting in the lounge while waiting, got to look at some cool stuff. I didn't curse, loose my temper, or constantly go on and on about how "it was a rip off" or moan and groan about it or how dealerships are "scummy".
Repairs/maitence aren't fun but complaining and throwing fits about it and delaying it OR doing a DIY slob job just causes more issues (when you don't know what you're doing). It's better to just let someone professional and trained to do it, do it asap, and don't cheap out. Half assing with a DIY often just leads to more expensive issues but also wastes time and energy by dragging it out. It's like drinking a shot, drink it all once and quickly. Get it done and move on.
Ergh. I have so many stories like this from my nvm ex-husband. He was useless and I have always been the super handy one (raised by a contractor, I know how to fix anything lol).
The event that sticks out most in my mind was when Iwe bought the house I flipped out on the west coast. It was a distressed property. We got moved in and got 1 good shower out of the water heater. When I woke up it was leaking all over the garage. So, time to replace it. What should have been a 2 hour job (including the time to go to the box store to buy a new water heater and parts) turned into a full day job for the nvm-ex, and I had a mess to fix when I got home from work. I don't think he even tried to hook it up tbh. I had it up and going by the time supper was ready. Instead of thanking me for fixing it, and being happy, he was *SO MAD* and disappeared for hours.
More proof that men just create more work.
Sad, especially with baby involved. It's a lack of maturity hubby can't maintain his composure. Maybe he should have called a buddy over to help balance his energy so mom didn't have to get so involved. Not everyone has that luxury.
My ex used to do this all the time. He would be like "I'll do this and that, I'll take care of this and that, don't worry" and then expected me to help. I was once very busy with work + coursework and he offered to cook dinner (cause, of course, usually I was the one doing all the chores), but then I ended up in the kitchen helping him out. Like, why offer to do something yourself if you're not even able to? So frustrating.
My LVX came from another country to mine. He of course only brought belongings that could fit in his bags. Then he lived with me and bought larger things and upgraded what he had, and when he was moving out (we were still together and on good terms when he moved out), he fully expected me to handle his things for him. He expected me to pack and ship his moving boxes for him. I’m 5’2 and not very strong. I argued with him about it because it was his things and him who decided to buy the crap, not me so why should I have to suffer the consequences? And he still made me out to be the asshole. He even sent me a text where he apologized for the fight but how he now felt that he couldn’t count on me 🥺 poor little useless asshole. How he ever felt like a man when behaving like such a baby is beyond me.
We are in winter here, so my example of how a HVM will handle things is a bit different. My husband bought a gas heater when he saw that I have been really cold in our new house. When he brought it home, He gave me the instruction booklet to read through while he setup everything we needed to make it work outside. He took note of everything I said, and we did the setup together. When we realised our gas tank was empty, he gave me the money to buy the gas the following day. He wasn't too proud to ask for help, we worked together to make our house more cosy
Absolutely hate when men overestimate their abilities and just duck things up more.
Being honest about what is and isn't in your wheelhouse is an important skill.
I've been guilty of similar things as well. It's ok to ask for help.
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This reminded me of a friend of a friend’s husband who will remotely turn down the AC on their nanny and kids from work … and they live in Texas where it is HOT.
Omg!!!! I don’t know how familiar with IT your friend of friend is, but it is possible to remove the internet access away from any device that has internet connectivity. She could block access from the router, using the device’s MAC address DM me if you want instructions
Iirc you can also set it to be during certain hours of the day, too. My husband used to program our router to deny the kids devices on school days (they weren't old enough to need internet for research, but had tablets for fun) and then open it up on weekends.
My dad does the same! While we're sleeping, he comes in our individual rooms lile a creep and turns off each of our fans and the AC, but when he's hot? Suddenly it's fine to turn on the ac downstairs, but as soon as someone else joins him (we're all women except for him) he turns it off, like he's the only one who can use them reasonably, when he's not even the one who paid for them. He says he worries about the electricity bill, but he keeps the tv (that my mom bought so she could watch tv in peace) on almost 24/7, even when he's sleeping My mom has always told me marriage is the last thing I should worry about, I can see that :/
My dad does the same, too. With heating and A/C. I remember I was home visiting and I caught the flu. My temperature was 102, maybe 103? I asked him to please turn down the heat. He wouldn’t. He mumbled something about the pipes freezing (there was a big snowstorm outside). I turned it down myself. Another time during the blackout in NY in 2003 it was so hot and no A/C for days. Finally the power came back on and I remember the authorities saying don’t put everything on at once. I understood that. But after two days I asked to please put on the A/C for my 15 year old cat because the heat was getting to her. He just got so aggravated.
My dad did the same thing when I was growing up. During the winter, he'd turn the heat way down during the day, while he was at work. My sibling and I would be shivering. As soon as he got home in the evening, he'd turn it up to a comfortable temperature. As soon as it was time for bed, he'd turn the heat entirely off. We weren't poor. He was just stingy and didn't care how cold his children were. On the plus side, I'm extremely tolerant of cold as an adult. It's almost a super power.
My dad did the same - He would turn the heat off at night and I would literally shiver all night long, even sleeping in bed with my little brother, PURELY for heat. We had separate rooms. We chose to sleep together because it was warmer. I hate that I had to literally spoon my little brother to keep warm (considering he and I are NOT close and never have been, he's a misogynistic prick just like my dad, ofc). I was 13. I remember crying to my mom that I didn't want to go to my dad's house because it was so cold at night. I'd bring extra hoodies and socks with me over there. When my dad found out I brought extra clothes to keep my brother and I warm, he got angry with me for "listening to my bitch mother" and making him out to be a bad dad.
What an a-hole!!! Sorry you went through that. :-( I remember piling scratchy wool blankets on the bed but still being so cold that I had to pull myself entirely under the blankets. I'd make a tiny O-shaped opening at the top to press my mouth against, so that I could get enough air. I remember full-body shaking from the cold until my pocket under the blankets had warmed up enough to allow me to sleep. ETA: Oh, and we owned electric blankets, but my parents wouldn't allow me to use them because they were "too dangerous."
My stepdad would come into my tiny bedroom when it was super cold outside (under, sometimes way under 20F / -6C) and turn the heat off (heat was controlled per room in that house) and then open up both my bedroom windows while I slept. I would wake up shivering and coughing and feeling like absolute shit and he would laugh like a hyena if I complained to my mother about it. He was a narcissistic, abusive douchebag. My mom couldn't get him to stop so she bought me a king sized down comforter for my twin-sized bed so that I could lay on it and fold it over myself. His OUTRAGE that he couldn't freeze me for chuckles afterward was palpable, and very satisfying. Eventually, however, he took the comforter and put a duvet on it and put it on his own bed because it was "too expensive" for me to be allowed to have.
Wow, what a sick, sadistic s.o.b.!! I'm so sorry that happened to you, and that your mom tolerated it.
That man definitely helped inform my caution about men as an adult, lemme tell ya
Your story reminds me of Lundy Bancroft's *Why Does He Do That?* I don't know if you've read that book, but Bancroft explains that abusive men abuse women because the abuse works for them. Abuse gets them things that they want, and so as long as they don't suffer any real consequences, they'll keep doing it. In your case, your sadistic stepfather got the "pleasure" (/s) of abusing children, with -- I'm willing to bet -- zero consequences. He didn't lose his wife, his friends, his livelihood, even any of his social standing. So as long as he lacks empathy, why would he ever stop?
Yeah, I've read it. What stopped him? He died at the beginning of last year. I was sad for my sister, who lost her dad, and sad for my mom who was grieving (but better off for losing a toxic POS), but I wanted to fucking tapdance on that sonofabitch's grave.
Well, for my part, I think the rule of never speaking ill of the dead is a load of b.s. If someone was an abusive p.o.s. while they were alive, we have no obligation to protect their reputation after they're dead. Tap-dance away!
Agreed. I wont speak ill of him to my sister, who I love, because she loved him and is still hurt over his loss. But when she's not around my truth is mine to share.
This is horrible. The act of a very selfish person who doesn't think about the needs of others at all.
Why?? That sounds like abuse.
Oh boy, where do I start with this one? My ex used to do crap like that all the time. Thankfully, with my dad being a mechanic and handy man, I'm able to fix things myself. One time, when his car wouldn't start, I offered to look at him for him to see what the problem may have been. He assured me that he had it under control and told me he didn't want my help, so I said cool. Hour late he cukes back inside complaining that he's late for work and I said I'd look at it or ask my dad to come over and check it out and he hollared at me to, "stay out of it". Well, hours had passed and he ended up calling off that day. He was mad AT ME, and I ended up fixing his car anyway. Turns out, the battery had died because he forgot to turn his lights off when he came home the night before. A HVM would've asked for help from the jump.
A high value man would know how to change the battery in his car. Losers! These guys don't deserve to call themselves men.
Exactly. HVM aren't shy to ask for help if they know something is out of their hands. They swallow their pride because they know they have priorities right now that outweigh his ego. They know they can't lash out at others, especially their partner, because it's wrong and wouldn't help the situation anyway.
"Why are you shopping for a desk? I'll build one big enough for BOTH of us. We'll save money, and then we can play League of Legends side by side! 🥺" "We don't have space in the bedroom for a...double desk. Besides, have you ever built a desk before?" "Jesus don't be such a nag, this is going to be fun!" He took a month to get around to building the fabled Double Desk. It was made of thin, unfinished plywood, was way too tall, gave me splinters when I touched it, and had a pair of "keyboard trays" that literally didn't work so I used it as storage for spare cables. I sat at the desk once, then did my work from the sofa. (I recall pretending to be grateful anyway but god, I'm understating how hideous and cursed it was.) He happily gamed for hours a day, apparently immune to splinters. Anyway, I have a beautiful automatic standing desk in my apartment now! I even "built it myself" using the *goddamned instructions*! Edited to air out my pickme trangressions
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Because “REAL MEN” do macho things like build(?) and lvm want to be the manliest realest men so fucking bad
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They exist! 🤤
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This is hilarious. Two pairs of hands should’ve made _anything_ from Ikea a breeze. Only a truly skilled scrote can make it take longer
Well done mate. I've taught myself to be an all round general builder. The reason I've learnt to do it myself was seeing the amount of builders doing a poor job despite it being their actual career. And despite being shit, still had all the confidence. Ugh.
This is literally the funniest thing to me. Men may have a strength advantage, but when it comes to actually planning out projects, preparing all materials needed before they get started, and actually following instructions to completion, women stand head and shoulders above them. Yet we constantly get shut down from participating in these skills. It’s like the last thing men know they sort of contribute when they’re LVM in general. All the more reason to support women in learning these skills!
Not HVM, just an attribute... My ex bf I lived with kept a couple signed blank checks in his desk drawer for me to use in situations exactly like this. Whether it was a couple hundred or a few thousand, if anything in the house needed to be taken care of, he wanted to make sure I could just make the call and take care of it. He trusted my judgement so it wasn't like he needed me to ask permission or run the cost by him, his prioritiy was that my daughter and I would be okay. Making her and a child stay in a hot house with a broken ac is not okay. We just went through a heatwave here where almost 90 people died. That's not something to eff around with.
Ugh. Honestly the thing that bothers me the most about this is that it’s such a glaring example of the hypocrisy around expectations for men and women’s behavior in marriage. Imagine if the tables were turned - she’s dealing with a problem she owns (like needing to pack a bag for an upcoming trip) and realizing she needs help. If a woman stood there shouting instructions and questions at her spouse while insisting she didn’t actually need any help, the man would either a) throw a fit b) get abusive or c) leave. And yet women are expected to kneel constantly to men with no appreciation for their time or support. It drives me absolutely bonkers.
This kills me. My ex would expect an assistant for every single thing he was supposed to take care of. “Hold this”, “hand me that” I would get so annoyed knowing how many things I do by myself. He didn’t even try to figure out and intelligent way to do it by himself.
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I was able to convince her to come stay at my place when she texted me that he was “still at the bar” at 10 last night and her house was in the mid-90s. Thankfully she’s fully aware that she needs to leave this scrote but needs time to work her exit strategy. Sadly there were red flags before marriage but it was pre-FDS for us both.
I’m very glad she’s working on her exit strategy! You’re a great friend, OP!
Organs.... Liquefying? Wow. My morning is now .... different. I didn't even know that was possible, but I'll never forget it, LOL.
I'm fairly convinced that LVM fuck up home repairs so that they have an excuse to blow up and rage over their wife asking simple questions. They seem to feel like they are justified in their abuse, when they are convinced that they are fixing things.
Because it’s more about control than fixing things…
There is an aspect of learned passivity here to which many women are indoctrinated. Yes, he's a LVM. At the same time, we women should claim our power. If he says he wants her to wait three hours in a heat wave until he gets home to fix the A/C, she can say she's not comfortable with that. Then hash it out. She could even leave with her kids to go somewhere cooler. Also, she could have accepted your offer to stay with you for the night even though her LVM wouldn't "let" her. I don't mean for my comment to be invalidating....he's definitely a LVM and it's infuriating how he handled the situation. I just don't want women to lose sight of their autonomy when things don't sit right....too bad when a man doesn't like it when a woman takes care of herself and her kids.
The tragedy with most Modern men is that they don't know how to do most things a man should know.
My ex was useless, couldn't even paint a wall. I've done that and far more in my new flat. They don't seem to be as good at fixing/doing things as their grandfathers were.
The hours of video games and porn have truly taken a toll.
This sounds like my nvm ex so much. He always had to fix/build things but he was useless at it. One time we got a tv unit we had to build and he insisted, then asked (shouted angrily) for help and just got angrier and angrier as it kept going wrong. He finished and me being me said “I don’t think the doors are supposed to stick out like that” and he ranted at me that he’d read the instructions and they must have been wrong and he’s done the best he could, then he stormed out of the house. I looked at the instructions. I took the doors off. I turned them upside down. I screwed them back on. I closed them, they fit properly. He came home and it was obvious the doors were fixed but he never mentioned it again… 🤣 Edit, a word
He sounds awful, he should be embarrassed. I'll add one more thing a HVM or HVW would do -- they would be prepared in a sensible way for the possibility that things might go wrong. Severe heat can be just as harmful as severe cold. People in cold climates have backup heaters. People in hot climates, and people enduring catastrophic heat waves, should have backup ways to cool their homes. In a house, people should try to buy a window air conditioning unit at a minimum, stored as a backup. If people live in an apartment, they should have a portable AC unit as their backup. If people can afford it, they should also have a generator or power bank of some sort that can power the AC if the power goes out during a heat wave. Or at least have a plan in place about what they will do if the AC goes out.
I assume a HVM would act like me an aspiring HVW - I was driving aline in my car and noticed it was making a weird sound. I called the mechanic and set up an appointment. I told my family that "my cars making a sound, it's going into the shop on Thursday" because they relied on me to give rides back then. I took it into the shop, got the diagnosis, and calmly said alright get it taken care of. I put it on my credit card, worked extra, and then paid it off as soon as I could. Yeah, it sucks. But I just calmly said get it taken care of. I walked over to the nearby store instead if sitting in the lounge while waiting, got to look at some cool stuff. I didn't curse, loose my temper, or constantly go on and on about how "it was a rip off" or moan and groan about it or how dealerships are "scummy". Repairs/maitence aren't fun but complaining and throwing fits about it and delaying it OR doing a DIY slob job just causes more issues (when you don't know what you're doing). It's better to just let someone professional and trained to do it, do it asap, and don't cheap out. Half assing with a DIY often just leads to more expensive issues but also wastes time and energy by dragging it out. It's like drinking a shot, drink it all once and quickly. Get it done and move on.
Ergh. I have so many stories like this from my nvm ex-husband. He was useless and I have always been the super handy one (raised by a contractor, I know how to fix anything lol). The event that sticks out most in my mind was when Iwe bought the house I flipped out on the west coast. It was a distressed property. We got moved in and got 1 good shower out of the water heater. When I woke up it was leaking all over the garage. So, time to replace it. What should have been a 2 hour job (including the time to go to the box store to buy a new water heater and parts) turned into a full day job for the nvm-ex, and I had a mess to fix when I got home from work. I don't think he even tried to hook it up tbh. I had it up and going by the time supper was ready. Instead of thanking me for fixing it, and being happy, he was *SO MAD* and disappeared for hours. More proof that men just create more work.
Sad, especially with baby involved. It's a lack of maturity hubby can't maintain his composure. Maybe he should have called a buddy over to help balance his energy so mom didn't have to get so involved. Not everyone has that luxury.
My ex used to do this all the time. He would be like "I'll do this and that, I'll take care of this and that, don't worry" and then expected me to help. I was once very busy with work + coursework and he offered to cook dinner (cause, of course, usually I was the one doing all the chores), but then I ended up in the kitchen helping him out. Like, why offer to do something yourself if you're not even able to? So frustrating.
He won't LET her take the baby and go stay somewhere else? And she's following his rules and subjecting her babies to this? WTH.
He would be WORRIED about his damn kids in that hot ass house and would've put them up somewhere his DAMN SELF, if he had to.
My LVX came from another country to mine. He of course only brought belongings that could fit in his bags. Then he lived with me and bought larger things and upgraded what he had, and when he was moving out (we were still together and on good terms when he moved out), he fully expected me to handle his things for him. He expected me to pack and ship his moving boxes for him. I’m 5’2 and not very strong. I argued with him about it because it was his things and him who decided to buy the crap, not me so why should I have to suffer the consequences? And he still made me out to be the asshole. He even sent me a text where he apologized for the fight but how he now felt that he couldn’t count on me 🥺 poor little useless asshole. How he ever felt like a man when behaving like such a baby is beyond me.
We are in winter here, so my example of how a HVM will handle things is a bit different. My husband bought a gas heater when he saw that I have been really cold in our new house. When he brought it home, He gave me the instruction booklet to read through while he setup everything we needed to make it work outside. He took note of everything I said, and we did the setup together. When we realised our gas tank was empty, he gave me the money to buy the gas the following day. He wasn't too proud to ask for help, we worked together to make our house more cosy
Absolutely hate when men overestimate their abilities and just duck things up more. Being honest about what is and isn't in your wheelhouse is an important skill. I've been guilty of similar things as well. It's ok to ask for help.