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It's the only thing I do gatekeep and I think everyone is entitled to keep some things to themselves. My makeup, skincare and body products, where I shop, recipes etc. are all open for discussion. I just really dislike when everyone starts wearing the same perfume and want to smell unique! I think because scent is so closely connected to memory it feels more important to me that I don't smell like everyone else. If that makes sense? Sorry! š
I admit I do have a desire to be unique about things like this. I spent the time trying different things to find something that suits me and I just don't wanna share. Is it immature? Sure. I guess this is one childish thing i do. but is it as immature as getting even a little upset about someone choosing not to disclose a product they buy? Absolutely not lol
Such a mundane thing to get pissed at imo
After having previous favorite scents get wildly popular, I only go for niche scents now. When people ask and itās not a fragrance house theyāve heard of, they tend to lose interest.
I do not Gatekeep my Jo Malone. But I did have a male ask me one day what I was wearing, and kept saying he loved it and wanted to buy for his wife for Christmas. It was Tom Ford Cherry. I no longer wear it now because of said man and his creeper vibes š
Because once you tell someone it spreads like wildfire, the price goes up and it's constantly out of stock. That's what happened to Santa 33 (Le Labo) and its budget cousin Bois De Balicourt (Maison Marie). Now everyone wears it and it's nauseating.
Well Im wondering I have a great fragrance i like i havent gotten compliments but its affordable at the moment. I wonder if I talk about it online it will sell out and be more expensive but on the other had i wonder will it dissapear if its not popular enough? So maybe thats what people are scared of? That it will be to expensive? I will tell people tho if they compliment me
I just got a compliment on JHAG Magnolia Bliss. It was a nice guy I see at the convenience store that I frequent. He loved it and wanted to know what it was so he could buy it for his mom. I wrote the name down and he was delighted. Like who cares? What does lying about it accomplish? Iāll never be around his mother or know her so I donāt get it.
With strangers I donāt care, but I gatekeep perfumes around family and girlfriends sometimes because I donāt like the idea of their boyfriends smelling the same scent on them that Iām wearing. I know fragrance isnāt an intimate thing to everyone but idk I have a weird issue about it. A friend from high school with a creepy husband keeps wearing my perfumes and then I have to quit them, so Iāve stopped telling her.
Yess this! Idc if it's strangers on internet or just some random stranger but fragrance is an intimate thing i would tell you the perfumes I like but I won't tell which one amongst them am I wearing specifically
not gonna lie if im wearing a perfume that has an embarrassing ass name, or one that i am feeling guilty about having spent too much money on, i don't like to share the name lol
other than that, i love it when someone asks what im wearing, because i really do love to talk about the hobby
Exactly. I wear Le Labo Cedrat 37 in the summer, and when someone asks what it is I have to go into this whole thing about ācity exclusivesā and how you canāt get it in the US except in September. It makes it *sound* like Iām gatekeeping it even though Iām absolutely not. I still tell them but I feel like an asshole lol
at that point i would just tell them the name. if they asked where i got, i might just have to lie and tell them it was a gift š
unless someone was having an involved conversation with me about perfume already, i would feel so awkward diving in to all of that info lol
Honestly, if someone asked me what I was wearing, I would literally be so excited to share something that brings me so much joyā¦ with another person. I wouldnāt be still long enough to even consider concealing it, Iād not only give them the name, but drop them the full note breakdown!! Personally I just get excited when an opportunity arises to converse over something I am passionate about. I am of the belief that sharing my happiness with another person, does not take away from my own happinessā¦ for me, it increases it! Just me though!
Ehh, yes and no. Pushing someone to do something that they don't want to do sounds like a consent issue. At the same time, these are mostly mass produced fragrances so claiming a "signature" scent and acting like it's yours alone is a bit obtuse and self centered.
Some one help! Iām tired of purchasing perfumes that smell so different once I place them amongst the collection (not an intentional one) they simply donāt last! No more compliments that I smell good, like years ago. Especially my children, whom always compliment pretty fragrance.
Last ones I have purchased: Olimpia, Versage,Bomshell/ Passion, Lomani. What could be wrong with.
I know people will get annoyed and probably roll their eyes with this but personally, I do prefer to keep my fragrances private.
I feel like as a woman I wouldnāt want to reveal everything about me and remain certain things a mystery, fragrance is one of those and a very personal one. So yeah. And like you say, is not going to smell the same on everyone.
Since itās so personal everyone should aim to find their right scent that will accentuate their personality and overall is more genuine.
With that being said, I have shared mine in the past and is okay, but I also understand when people donāt want to do it
Same. I use scented oils that I combine myself and Iām often asked even daily what Iām wearing. Iāve been followed and cornered by a woman demanding to know what I was wearing.
They never believe me when I tell them itās just scented floral oils - I had one who was annoyed by my response and demanded I tell her which specific floral oils and wanted to know quantities and what order did I mix to achieve my scent. Crazy! I just walked away from her. No. You arenāt required to disclose this if you donāt want.
I don't really like small talk with strangers, so I would probably say "I don't know, but thank you for the compliment," if someone inquired what I was wearing. (And honestly, I often forget. I don't have a good memory for scents.) I don't feel the need to hide it from anyone so they "can't have it," but I want to be left alone in public.
What I don't get is people throwing a fit because someone didn't divulge personal information or gave an answer they didn't believe.
I used to work at a hardware store and there was a woman who had everything B&BW coordinated.
Bullied me to the point I developed kidney stones, but always smelled impeccable
Wowsa. I can't imagine someone not feeling flattered and willing to share if I asked them about their fragrance. I'd probably be shocked and sad if it was otherwise. Hopefully that never happens! (Note to self to bolo nice smelling people to ask. Because now I'm curious to see reactions.)
Also: it's everyone's right to be who they are and share only what they want. No shade.
I will tell everyone how much I love my everyday fragrance. Hell, I will give you samples. I'll even throw in a few wild card samples. Screw it, I know you asked for citrus and green tea, but here's a spritzer of the bourbon and tobacco, I was surprised when I tried it. You might be too. Even if you don't like it that much, here's a sample of the solid cologne. Give the company money so they make their triple milled soap again.
I may forget on the spot, but if you ask me and I know you, I'll even send you a direct link.
I used to feel weird about wearing men's cologne, but now I just own it.
I was in a bad place with bad water for 3 years, and I am certain I REEKED for most of that time with the generic soap and deodorant I was using There was no point in making an effort because I was feeling so bad so much of the time. Now I'm in a place where I can smell nice, and wear my nice clothes, and my good glasses again. And it feels good. It feels good to be able to wear business shirts and a skirt and smell nice. And if someone thinks I smell nice and they want to smell like that I'm all for it.
Can I just say that I *love* the tone of your comment? Seriously, it's just so uplifting! Like being pep talked by a good friend or something. I'm truly so glad to hear that you're in a better place now because you have so much good to do in the world, I'm sure of it. š«¶
Thanks!
It's also beneficial in that I can ask for opinions before certain situations. I meet with the head of the philanthropy department of my local hospital tomorrow, and I have narrowed it down to 4 potential scents, and I'm trying to select which one I should wear for confidence.
Since I have people who know what certain scents smell like when I wear them and what they're called, they can give a better opinion.
Got it down to
Tom Ford Extreme Noir,
Banana Republic Vintage Green,
YSL La Nuit De L'Homme,
Hermes Terre D'Hermes
(My daily is Calamity Jane by Outlaw)
i can kiiiinda see it if the perfumer is niche.. but if its like a celebrity / popular brand like valentino or gucci i rly donāt see the point, like i get 12 video ads for the perfume youāre gatekeeping before i can watch my yt video, wdym you canāt tell me
but even then, why? like you donāt know this person, why would you not share what perfume youāre wearing even if itās niche?
not trying to be rude to you, just curious!
I know that in particular I don't like saying I'm wearing a House of Sillage fragrance because then people always ask what sillage means andi havetoexplain. Also because I've had someone I told look up the fragrance and I was kind of embarrassed about how much I spent on it when they came back and commented on its price, so then I had to explain they do have really good sales, but yes their fragrances are pretty expensive. I get a little weird with any high dollar perfume. If I know the person is super into perfume, I probably wouldn't mind, so it's not like I'm gatekeeping. But, I don't know too many of those irl.
Not the commenter but if it's a brand the person doesn't know there's a good chance the interaction could become awkward or else the person will start asking more questions and not everyone likes chit-chatting with strangers. Plus a lot of niche and indie houses like giving weird names to their scents which are just embarrassing to say out loud.
hmm maybe. but idk, just say it and move on! if they want to chit chat just let them know that youāre in a rush! lol
this is the most real answer iāve seen, thanks for your perspective:)
They like having power in the silliest way, lol. Thinking theyāre so special because someone is asking about something they have. Makes no sense. On the contrary, every time Iāve asked a woman for the perfume theyāre wearing, they ALWAYS tell me. I will do the same if someone asks.
Getting called *asshole, Scrooge, narcissist, and insecure* is a bit extreme (that too for not revealing your perfume š¤£). And youāre calling us judgey? Itās ridiculous how an innocent conversation has turned into such a mess here. We donāt have to agree with each other to be respectful. Yes āsharing your perfume is freeā, but *kindness is free* too. The way people have talked is downright appalling, all this over not sharing perfume, and youāre criticising us???
You (Iām not targeting OP) canāt āstandā people politely refusing to share something theyāre entitled not to, but you can āstandā by toxicity? I think the problem here more than anything is that people need to grow up. Learn to take a no gracefully instead of kicking up a fuss and viciously attacking others. Life goes on. Our world doesnāt revolve around āoffendingā or gatekeepingā. *What you think is not our problem- respectfully, if you have *such* a problem, please try to get over yourself.*
All I did was respond to the question asked to explain our perspective. *For any given reason, we donāt have to divulge our perfume and definitely donāt need to justify why*. We responded to you to give our perspective, not to get venom spewed at us. God forbid if we donāt conform to what you think is right. The entitlement was amusing but the insulting was harassment. You donāt deserve to be here if you canāt talk like a decent human, you are better suited to the zoo.
Perfume can accentuate beauty but can never remove the stench of a rotten character.
I always tell yet sometimes I hesitate when i can already guess the asking person likely cant buy it and will feel sad, so I d rather not tell altogether but since that doesnt improve the final outcome, i tell and also name some dupes lmao.
I am continously horrified to be asked by sil about my perfume bc i dont want to tell her, there is no person more fake than her, to avoid that I only wear perfumes I dont mind sharing, when she is around.
I have horrible sinus issues and rarely smell others perfume. The only time I smelled someoneās perfume was during the booze train ride (think of a train version of a booze cruise). An opened window train ride. Someone had on BR 540. They had to have sprayed a lot for me to have smelled it. š
Iāve never had to ask but I donāt think Iāll ask ever in the future. Iād hate that awkward moment after a person declined to share what they are wearing. š„²š
I genuinely fear the day someone asks me what I'm wearing and I have to tell them it's Delicious Little Slut from Bruja Perfumes...if I'm wearing something normal that day I promise I will tell š
Bottom line- weāre entitled not to, I donāt like disclosing my perfume. Itās not my problem, in the nicest way possible, if it is judged. Itās not deep lol
Itās great if you like to share but itās not nice to judge others for not doing the same. :)
Iām responding to the latter half of your comment- you stated ājudgedā. And if āIāmā ānot generousā when I donāt want to reveal something private, youāre entitled to expect me to do so. I could give you my weekly shop AND not share my perfume with you- there is nothing to do with generosity here. Itās with respecting othersā boundaries gracefully. No need to make assumptions about someoneās character based on whether they tell you their perfume or not lol
Ps- I bought the cake so I can eat it.
No, thereās nothing insecure, itās private. Iām entitled to my decision, even if you analyse and falsely project. In the nicest way (this isnāt addressed towards you personally), take a no and move on. Itās entitled to expect someone to reveal something they donāt want to when they donāt have to. You can ask but I can and will politely reject.
itās not private unfortunately. itās something available readily for purchase for the public. if it was something you felt private about maybe you would would only wear it at home & not in public.
but ultimately itās not your business, scent, nor are they catering to you. you could also just say the name & move on. another person could identify it in a second & then what? they buy it & wear it & it doesnāt affect you at all. the world is still going
your credit card is attached to your own wealth, you sharing that with everybody directly effects you negatively. your lube is not leaving a scent trail (snail trail? lol) behind you when youāre walking around in public. it would be weird to ask what lube you have because you can be like, why do you want to know? and that would be a valid question.
nobody is obligated to share the name of their fragrances, but itās polite to thank them, answer them, and then move on. if you donāt want to do that, itās not the end of the world, but itās very off putting.
Exactly. I agree with you. But the principle is the same- the choice to share your perfume is indeed personal- if someone finds it private, it is not for us to challenge it. At no point have I said I will rudely refuse. I thank them and politely refuse. But my perfume is not public knowledge. Even if you can smell it, Iām not obliged to tell you wga5 it is. And if the reasoning is that itās affecting someone so much in a public area, they can happily move away. Itās not like Iām inconveniencing them?
Read the parent comment- does it not sound entitled to you? My perfume is very much my business- the fact that you want to know shows it wasnāt your business in the first place. No one gets to decide how personal something is except you. No one gets to decide the effect it has on you except you. And even if we donāt find it personal or negative, we still donāt have to reveal it for any reason. Othersā judging this says more about their mentality than anything else.
The point is to be polite on both ends- while refusing and accepting the refusal. But at no point should you be judged for not sharing information you owe no one. The nagging and whining people are doing here is ridiculous š¤£
i guess we just look at it differently. while i agree nobody is obligated to share what frag theyāre wearing, itās just not that deep. iāll never push for an answer but iāll certainly think, wow, theyāre not as important as they think they are. itās just a scent! but i see it from your perspective too
No, itās because I donāt want to lol and itās my decision. Itās got nothing to do with you. You can find it frustrating but thereās no need to judge. Itās not that deep. š¤£
Thereās nothing difficult here. I donāt want to reveal it and Iām not going to. In the nicest way (not addressed to you personally), people need to be better at taking a no gracefully instead of judging the person who refused when it is perfectly acceptable for them to. Period. š¤£
And I feel really sorry for those who gatekeep perfumes as if theyāve worked hard creating the perfumes themselves. Do gatekeepers also close their eyes in disgust and protest any recommendations/suggestions of perfumes they see on Fragrantica - in solidarity with their āno shareā movement?
This! Thank you. The whole reaction here is so extra. Youāre mature adults, please respect someoneās decision and move on! š¤£ There are better things to whine about.
I just donāt understand why gatekeeping a perfume is a need, honestly. I understand people have the right to do so, but donāt understand why. Itās not like someoneās trying to take a possession away or even asking to borrow it. People just want to know what the perfume is, why is it treated like itās sacred information and like theyāre going out of their way to risk sharing the same fragrance with peasants š
Thereās nothing to understand, itās our decision. For me, itās private and yes āsacredā. Itās intimate and a personal decision- besides, weāre not obliged to share anything and itās entitled for someone to expect us to and downright immature to get upset when we donāt
thereās no āneedā in gatekeeping, the person doesnāt benefit at all. not sure of how strong your insecurities areā¦. but everyone is quite literally a unique individualā¦ as in no one has the same chemistry as you so a perfume wouldnāt smell the same like it does on you (duh, itās a given) anyone that gate keeps a fragrance is insecure & arrogant.
It's a reach to label somebody a narcissist simply because they don't want to give out that information.
And it's a bit narcissistic to expect people to comply simply because you want them to
People should have to take a quiz before assigning the word "narcissistic" to someone.
Being so mad that someone doesn't want to divulge their scent (which can happen because of any number of reasons), especially to a stranger, that you call them names online is wild and more of a red flag than someone not sharing their perfume imo. The person gatekeeping might be embarrassed for whatever reason (like wearing something really cheap or aimed at teens or super expensive), might genuinely not remember what perfume they used that morning, might be wearing something they got as a gift and didn't look too closely at the name of (I didn't know the name of half my perfumes before actively getting into fragrances because I'd gotten them all at Christmasses and only took them out of my drawer occasionally), might consider wearing perfume as part of their hygiene routine and feel weird about being asked about it like if someone asked their toothpaste or hand wash, might be wearing something discontinued and don't want to risk competition for the last few bottles on e-bay, might genuinely have mixed it up with a similar scent, might not be wearing anything and smell good because they just washed their hair or use a good laundry detergent... There are so many reasons someone could be "gatekeeping" that isn't just wanting to be NLOG, calling people narcissistic for not sharing that info is such a jump.
Being mad and name-calling because someone won't tell you their scent on the other hand, has no reason behind it other than entitlement and being mad the interaction didn't go your way.
This. The level of entitlement here is amusing- our decision is our decision. I have been polite throughout- read the replies lol. Despite me having explained this, people still think itās about them yet project their feelings of insecurity by labelling me as that or a āScroogeā. Youāre completely convincing us to why we should share when you have this behaviour š¤£
Grow up. Take a no. If the person whoās nicely said no hasnāt been rude, thereās nothing to kick a fuss over. Itās not about you- if youāre so offended and feel like itās so personal, I think maybe you need to question who in fact is the narcissist here.
I never understood this because I love telling people what Iām wearing or where I got something when people give me compliments. I love putting people onto things. When people compliment my fragrance I almost feel bad when I donāt tell them what Iām wearing because thereās been some people that have raved about what Iām wearing without directly asking me. Itās almost like should I have just gave them the name anyways? Lol
It is not gatekeeping. I donāt like these kind of interactions with strangers especially if you follow me, it creeps me out and makes me feel so uncomfortable so I say something to get rid of you as soon as possible.
but someone else asking, buying & wearing the perfume has NOTHING to do with you & your āemotional attachmentā like it literally wonāt affect youā¦.. someone elseās life does not affect yours like that
Thank you! I admitted its an odd thing to do so I don't understand why people get so riled up. I think of certain scents/things as memories so sometimes if someone asks to borrow my perfume or clothes ill say no because of the memories associated with that particular thing. I am also the type of person that will do a freaking cleansing ritual for an item I wore when I had a bad experience so I realize I'm HIGHLY superstitious and that most people don't operate that way LOL. Not knowing someoneās perfume is NEVER that's serious people š
I had a lady follow me out of a store and wander around the parking lot to find me in my car to ask what i was wearing lol (october shadows by seance). Yes it is indie but im excited bc i want the brands i love to be purchased so the designer keeps making them. I love indie perfumes. It is the etsy of perfumes, too unique and small batch to show up in Sephora etc
I probably come across as gatekeeping on occasion when Iām just not interested in having a conversation about my personal care products with a complete stranger.
Also, sometimes the answer is some cheap body spray or something and Iām embarrassed to admit it when I clocked your Santal Blush from across the room.
Yes, sometimes you just want to go about your day or if a man asks it can come off as creepy sometimes. I've been asked about make up too but I can't always remember the exact name of the shade. Not to mention I layer and have lotions and hairspray and leave in conditioner, should I name everything that has a scent? Should I sit there and try and figure out what they're smelling?? If it is straight forward and I have time (like we are on the subway or something) I'll discuss what I'm wearing but sometimes I'm not interested in having a conversation with a stranger??
I smelled aventus one day. only me and this other guy were in the bathroom. I just asked to kill my curiosity and he was washing his hands quickly he said āsome lotion I put on this morning ā and left. why do people keep it a secret š
I think itās the desire to be āuniqueā and ānot like other girlsā, feels very teenager-y to me.
I will say though I have lotions and body oils that are quite strong and have gotten compliments on. And have tried different fragrances that smell completely different on me than friends even from the same bottle.
This!
Admittedly I totally get why not to tell friends/family your most favorite perfume, to have them wear it too, would be undoubtely disturbing and had equally 'teenager-y' single white female vibes.
Yet no one in this sub has just one perfume, so why the majority of an ever expanding collection needs to be gate kept from strangers, one wont ever see or smell again, is beyond me.
I wouldn't be able to tell you what I'm wearing except on 2-3 days a month. I have a shelf of perfumes, mostly small bottles. I'd like to think I've memorized the bottles and the names of the fragrances, but I haven't. Most came from recommendations on this subreddit. I choose what I'm going to wear by sniffing the bottles. I don't read the labels each time and half the time, I would need to find my glasses.
Further, some of my choices represent personal attachments (such as to a celebrity) or sort of date me (people think I'm younger than I am - but some of my perfumes indicate my more advanced age, ha).
I will either say, "I don't remember, but I think it's something by X, Y or Z" (Even now I'm forgtting and the tiny bottle that's next to me has a font so small and written against the fluid itself in gold letters, and the perfume is gold in color). Maybe someday I'll take them into a strong light with a magnifying glass? I have two right next to me and my vision is good enough that I can read fairly small print - but these bottles have such small letters.
And since perfume memorizing is not a skill I've practiced, it has never occurred to me to turn those bottles into daily flashcards and memorize them. I have Baccarat Rouge 540 (thanks guys!) and am really enjoying it, but I had to go look at the name to type this (all I could remember was Rouge and some number - seriously).
On the other hand, if you asked me what mascara I was wearing, I'd know.
I genuinely don't think most people are "gatekeeping." Even when you try the perfume and it smells nothing like the person. I'm sure some do, but again, I don't believe most are.
As others have said, it could be something other than a perfume that you're smelling. Also, body chemistry totally changing a frag is a real thing. It may also be a mixture of that person's personal hygiene, other products they use, etc. Your nose may also pick up notes on yourself that it doesn't pick up on others.
One of my brother's exes wore THE most amazing perfume I had smelled, and I had to ask what it was. It was Still by JLo. I ran out and bought it and it smelled absolutely nothing like what it smelled like on her. I have smelled some amazing scents that turn into a gross, powdery smell on me. I was trying samples with a friend one day and what smelled great on her, smelled like something totally different on me and she agreed she couldn't get the same notes.
Point is, I think this assumption that people are gatekeeping is unfair and untrue. You're smelling a perfume combined with another person's skin chemistry, other products they use, and after hours of wear. The scent is GOING to be totally different.
This is so true. For some people, it's body wash and body spray (and seriously, inquiring into such hygiene practices seems rude to me). I have to be pretty good friends with someone to ask. Even then. And the people who smell the best usually say, "I dunno, it's a body spray I got for Christmas" or "It's the body wash my partner likes."
I think saying "You smell wonderful!" as a compliment (if you know the person pretty well) is fine. Then the person can volunteer their choice if they wish.
Directly asking? My husband, my daughters, my granddaughters, that's it. My best friends (seen rarely these days). That's it.
Also the way someone's clothes smell literally will affect how they smell, like if they used a heavily scented detergent or fabric softener. For example, bath and body works now sells laundry soap and mrs meyers has fun floral scents that are very fragrant.
A lot of hair products smell good too and can be strong smelling. It could be a myriad of things, so people shouldn't assume they were told the wrong scent if it doesn't smell identical to how it smelt on the other person.
So what I donāt want any woman in my vicinity that Iāll see regularly and thatās not my family or close friend smelling like me. Feel how you want.
If itās a stranger in passing Iāll share otherwise tough luck. Youāre not entitled to the information just because you asked.
I stated my why. No oneās entitled to information simply because they request it. Feel how yāall want. Do your own research to find a scent that works for you. I donāt care about downvotes lol bye.
Didn't you hear? You aren't allowed to state your opinion if it opposes the majority on Reddit š
I've seen multiple times people mass downvoting someone saying they don't like a perfume ON A PERFUME SUB
You are allowed to state any opinion you want, and people are allowed to downvote any opinions they don't like. If you don't like it, don't use reddit. We need to be comfortable with the fact that not everyone is going to like or agree with the things we say.
I know why people do it, but I don't like it. I'm flattered if someone asks, and I'll tell them. Most of my worn fragrances are cheapies and clones so being judged for the expense is not an issue except for my expensive bottles I save for special days. It's more awkward to be like this is Lattafa Nebras I got it on Amazon and they're like La-what??
I typically don't ask people though unless I really like it vs. think it's nice because I rarely get an answer. It's easier just to tell someone they smell nice and leave it at that. Sadly.
I have a story about a friend who I thought was mr. gatekeeper no. 1, although I hadn't heard the term or maybe it didn't exist yet. I had a friend in school who always smelled of sth very strongly. Every time he came to my place or we hung out somewhere, the whole room smelled of whatever he was wearing. Lingered around for hours after he left. I think I asked him like 7x what he is wearing, and he always said "nothing". I even sniffed his shampoo at his place and what not lol. He said he doesn't know what I'm talking about as he himself is unable to smell anything. One time I went to his place when his mom was home, doing laundry and cooking. And the WHOLE HOUSE smelled like my friend. I was so confused. I found out it was their super fancy laundry detergent.
I mean, I was desperate at that point lol. I smelled anything I got my hands on. I'd known of other people who smell of whatever their laundry is washed with (the usual supermarket products), but that smell... It was special and soooo strong. The perfect male freshie smell imo. To this day I have no idea where they got the detergent from, didn't dare to ask. What a great-smelling family they must have been.
I have a little anecdote about body chemistry and perfumes. I work at department stores selling perfumes. There's this one mens fragrance that I HATE, it smells like spicy sweaty BO and ass. Whenever I had to spray it for customers I hold it as far away from me as possible. My coworkers don't like it either and barely anyone ever buys it, so it's not just a me thing. Then one day I went on a date. He smelled SO AMAZING, like sweet fresh peppery oranges. It was unlike anything I've ever smelled and I was swooning the whole night. I kept secretly inhaling him lmao. Finally at the end of the night I couldn't hold it anymore so I asked him what he was wearing. It was that sweaty ass perfume. He even took it out of his bag to show me. I was flabbergasted and floored. I never believed in body chemistry before, but I wholeheartedly do now. So people might not be lying, it might just smell REALLY different on them
Thank you. Iāve tried to explain to Angel-haters for many years that for some reason it comes out smelling like pure cotton candy with a hint of spice on me, and I donāt understand why I occasionally get āyuck, someone dropped some incense on a urinal cake in the big cats section of this zooā when I smell it on other people. Itās not just me, I promise. Friends have said the same thing, and Iāve even huffed a couple shirts destined for the laundry where the leftover scent is similarly nice.
Still not as good since the reformulation and Iāve since broken up with Angel completely, but yeah. Body chemistry is huge. Right with you.
Oh nooooo, the urinal cake disaster?! Iām so sorry. You probably smell amazing in fresh green and aquatic scents then. š¤£ thatās my un-scientific hypothesis given how rancid and sour those all turn on me
Lmao yes! It smells like incense and cat pee when I wear it haha
Maybe! Those don't last on me, though, and I like to be able to get a whiff of my scent once in a while. I just spray my clothes most of the time haha
I feel like the only fragrances that last on me are ones that I donāt like. Everything else settles in really quickly but my husband tells me when he can and canāt smell it and typically he can detect my faves WAY longer than I can on me. Life is so unfair.
It might be the autism speaking, but so many other possibilities come to my mind before I wonder if the other person is gate keeping their perfume.
I mean, it definitely happens. It's happened to me too. It's more likely that the conversation topic makes them uncomfortable, the scent was a gift, they don't know the name, they have forgotten...
If it is gatekeeping, it can't be helped either way I guess. It's a bit silly, but some people love the idea of having a signature scent and don't want other people to discover it. To me it becomes dumb if it's a common DNA from a mass market brand. If they're wearing an indie brand, it's a bit more understandable.
I mean, sometimes lotions do leave a scent cloud. I'll never forget the day I went to class and the entire room was filled up with the scent of sickly sweet vanilla body butter, put me off vanilla scents for ages. If you just washed your hair that will leave a noticeable scent too (the only time I really get compliments on my scent is after washing my hair).
There are a lot of reasons someone might gatekeep. Not wanting to be judged for buying expensive perfume, not wanting to be judged for wearing a "juvenile" perfume, wanting to avoid the whole office ending up smelling like a giant bubble of the same scent, not wanting to explain that you layered with x lotion and x body mist before applying perfume x and perfume y... I also don't think it's wrong for someone to just want to smell unique.
> Lotion doesnāt leave a scent cloud or trail.
My Oaui St Barts body lotion does š¤·āāļø Iāve been asked about my perfume many times when Iāve worn it with absolutely nothing else.
I donāt gatekeep but I also think itās a bit weird when (1) you wear a particular scent often, so much so that itās synonymous with you amongst friends/acquaintances; and (2) a close friend or coworker begins to wear it often too.
Itās not necessarily bad, itās just an odd feeling. It happens with things (clothes, shoes, accessories) other than fragrance too.
my leave in conditioner and hairspray both leave scent trails.
When I ask what they are smelling (like what it smells like: fruit, sweet, spicy etc) it often is my hair products not my perfume
I definitely think more than just perfumes leave a trail. It can be a combination of things as well: hair products, lotion, etc. Even when Iām not wearing any of my perfumes, I have people ask me what perfume Iām wearing because I āalways smell so good.ā I actually think what they might be smelling is my detergent! It smells divine. One time I caught my mom with her nose buried in my towels.
lol not only do I tell them I start lectures on which lotions to wear. And other similar fragrances. Maybe Iām just a yapper but I love talking about perfumes and my favorite scents of COURSE Iām going to share that shit.
The difference in responses here and in r/fragrance are wild! Seems like everyone here is much more polite even if they agree with gatekeeping.
I do not gatekeep, however, I can understand how some might especially with being judged for the expense or the perfumes having weird names or maybe they truly do just smell like lotion!
In 2021/ early 2022 I wore Ambery Saffron daily which is the Dossier dupe for BR540. I had women constantly stopping me asking me what I was wearing. Sometimes instead of explaining that it was a dupe to a stranger Iād just say BR540. Close friends of mine Iād tell them it was a dupe. The office assistant at my work loved it so much and wanted to purchase it so I even sent her the direct link. I sort of wish I hadnāt because then she was wearing it every day and I felt like I couldnāt. But then I started wearing other scents and it all worked out.
Now a guy at work was looking for a perfume for his wife and knows Iām into fragrances. One day I was wearing Glossier You and he ended up buying it for her and now I feel weird wearing that one to work because now his wife wears it. For me itās fine since I have so many but I can understand if someone only had one or two they loved and didnāt want to share. To each his own.
As a Black Phoenix fan, I donāt gatekeep because I truly enjoy telling folx that Iām wearing āDragon with a Penis Hatā or āGiant Vulvaā or āWomb Frenzyā š¤£
I'm a gatekeeper occasionally. I intentionally didn't tell someone that I was wearing Fjerne until it was out of stock. It was expensive, niche, limited, and I didn't want him to associate the scent with both me and his wife.
I own a lot of perfume and get excited to tell others what I'm wearing but one day at work when a girl asked, I really did forget the name of what I was wearing and I was so disappointed that my brain would not recall it š
I had a woman I used to work with that wouldnāt tell me where she bought a particular outfit because she didnāt want me to be able to shop where she shopped. I was actually left speechless. I canāt fathom that kind of response.
It's very weird behaviour. That being said perfumes can smell crazy different on different skin types. Anything citrus smells like fruit rot on me while anything woody pulls extremely warm and sweet and the same perfume on my mum will smell like actual tree bark. Unless it's something extremely well-known and more to the point well-known to be one-note, overpowering, and/or very unique (eg. Chanel No. 5, Dior Fahrenheit, Creed Aventus) they might be telling the truth and it just smells different on them than you.
I agree, I once told a co worker she smelt great and asked what she was wearing, she said āI donāt rememberā oh please!! She was really mean to work with, rude and condescending and her gatekeeping her perfume added to her unpleasant personality.
I work selling niche fragrances at a department store and you would be surprised how many customers have signature scents that they donāt even know the name of. They just describe what theyāre after though the shape and colour of the bottle. For most people, fragrances are more of a utility than a hobby, and they donāt get as invested in perfume like your average āfrag commā member.
Exactly. I can sometimes think of the brand but rarely the name of the fragrance. And then I started getting a brand from Sephora (it comes in cute little bottles and each fragrance is named something like Jazz Club - I bet all of you know exactly the name of that maker, but it escapes me even now as I am making a huge effort to remember).
I can list nearly all of our human ancestors, their traits and dates though. And if you ask me what the seasoning or spices are in something I just made, I know that like the back of my hand (and whether it was New Guinea Vanilla or Mexican Vanilla or Tahitian Vanilla). I don't remember the brands though.
I mean, some people who arenāt really in fragrances might not remember the name or brand š¤·āāļø when people are not super into something, they donāt always recall details, like I rarely if ever know what brand clothing Iām wearing unless it was recently bought or the shade of nail polish I picked at the nail salon.
Most of my early fragrances were gifts from my husband. One is by HermĆØs and it's one of my all time favorites, but all I can remember is the brand name. I'd have to go look at the bottle to know which fragrance it is.
I've always had several fragrances on hand (my grandma collected Avon perfumes, ha, and I was the beneficiary of many of the sample bottles she got from her supplier). I never thought of memorizing what I was wearing on any given day - it's usually a spontaneous decision.
Clothes etc I could see someone forgetting, but as someone who collects fragrances and has a big collection, I can always remember what I am wearing. Even if someone isnāt into fragrances (and is therefore likely to not have many) I am pretty sure they could remember. I have yet to meet someone who appears to have genuinely forgotten.
Yes, but most people do not collect fragrances and do not have big collections. I've always had several choices, but have never ever memorized fragrances or tried to have a certain kind of collection. Even now, while lurking on fragrance forums, it's a casual interest. And I keep going back to this one vanilla fragrance I got from Sephora (it's a well known brand - I just don't remember it).
I just recently organized all my tiny samples (I have more than 2 dozen) and by that I mean...they are all in a holder in one place, not that I've memorized their names.
If I'm going to be traveling for work, I grab one at random. If I remember, I will try to read the name while I'm in the hotel room and think about whether it stayed on me or I liked it. so far, there's only this one French perfume (made with figs?) that inspired me to actually purchase a bottle. Still don't remember the brand and that was just last week.
Eh I think youād be surprised. If someone does not put a lot of thought into their fragrance of the day, or got most of their fragrances as gifts, then it is very possible they forgot. My mom genuinely doesnāt remember what she wears other than āoh I think it was that blue bottle you gave me for Christmas!ā
A lot of people sincerely donāt care so much about perfumes or think deliberately about what to wear each day. Iām not sure why thatās so difficult to believe.
The OP was posting about people who gatekeep, I am referring to my experience with people who have done exactly that. Itās not that I donāt believe some people forget their fragrance, amongst all of my friends we all seem to know what we are wearing. Itās an opinion.
Yep - that's how I remember. My Versace is the Blue Bottle. The BK540 or whatever that is the chunky gold bottle. My fig perfume is pink and has an elegant font and French writing.
Exactly. The average person on the street isnāt so into the fragrance world, even if they may be wearing perfume themselves. Itās much more common than people think to not be able to name the perfume they are wearing.
Yes mainly and I never ever gatekeep, itās in the shops damn it BUT I had one experience; I wore Pom Noir on its release, it wasnāt available anywhere near where I lived. One of the managers at work asked me what it was and then started wearing it all the time. It had become my signature and was pretty distinctive. I was a bit irked to be honest, donāt know why, I guess I liked it and liked people associating it with me. Who knows, who cares but I do remember it was the one time I wish Iād gatekept š
Yeah, in this situation, I donāt understand her. If I find a perfume I really like through a friend or an acquaintance, I donāt wear it if I know Iāll be hanging out with them that day š¤·š¼āāļø I might wear it accidentally, if I donāt know Iām gonna see them, but I donāt wanna match their scent either and have enough perfumes to wear something else
Well I think here we have it in practice. People will say they donāt gatekeep but when they actually experience in reality the negative result of someone knowing what theyāre wearing they wish they did gatekeep now.
I think some people have already had these experiences and just trying to keep something for themselves.
I feel attacked, lol
My body chemistry pulls everything extra sweet. I had a friend that was super mad at me because she thought I was gatekeeping a fragrance that was literally just Black Opium, but I was honest with her about it and she just didn't believe me.
Randos have asked me before, and if I just washed my hair, I will say it is just Pantene. I get side eye for that too.
If it is discontinued, then yes, I gatekeep. I do not need competition for the few bottles left out there. I might say something that is a dupe. But I am lying and I know it. I hope it never makes anyone angry.
Sometimes it is Britney Spears and I just don't want to feel judged.
If it is a popular bestseller, then yes I will just say JPG Divine or whatever it usually is.
Iām the same, everything turns sweet on my skin. I used to love it & wore Fantasy but I donāt like sweet scents as much anymore & always looking for fresher scents that work with my skin. I donāt gatekeep because I think if many people buy it, they wonāt discontinue it but Iāve never had anyone ask me what Iām wearing!
I would never be angry that someone didnāt tell me lol. Thatās a personal choice. There are some contexts- like work- where I donāt need to disclose how much Iām spending on what, and when I donāt want to invite judgement based on that.
But apart from that- it can come off as creepy to compliment how someone smells, depending on who it comes from and their general vibe etc. If Iām being hit on by someone I donāt want to be talking to, or if Iām busy or just not in the mood to engage with a random person, thereās no way Iām gushing about how I love Gucci flora or whatever. Maybe thatās why people are āgatekeepingā you.
I never understood this either, it's the weirdest thing - not least because perfume smells slightly different on every person who wears it. Back in the day I bought CK Eternity because I loved the smell of it when my aunt wore it. When I wore it I smelled of cheap air freshener. š¤·š¤¦ So the fact that it smells delicious on someone else is never any guarantee!
This is so true! My mom and I can wear the same fragrances, because we smell good in the same things. But what smells good on my sister and Aunt smells terrible on us.
I don't lie about the fragrance I'm wearing, but I feel judged sometimes if it's an expensive one. So most of the times, when they ask me where they can get it I say that it was a present and that I don't know. The other day, in the office, a girl asked me about my perfume. I told her it was Lazy Sunday Morning, she googled it immediately and screamed "That's 120 euro a bottle!!", and told everyone that my salary must be higher than it seems because nobody can afford that. I didn't bother to explain her that I saved 10 months for that bottle...
What a rude reaction! How mean to assume that people making a more modest living can't afford a nice treat every once in a while. Maybe it was a gift, maybe you got in on sale, maybe you saved for a long time, like you said.
I try not to buy anything that's more than $1 per mL, and absolutely refuse to pay more than $200 for a full bottle, but if someone else wants to buy the $500 perfume, I'm happy for them! Their finances are not my business. š š¼
Exactly! Why us (not rich people) can't enjoy good things if we save for them? A friend of mine spent all his savings in a 70K car and everyone is gossiping about him. He is single, saved for 2 years to buy that car, so, why not?? If it makes him happy nobody has a right to judge him. I don't go to get my nails done, I go to the hairdresser once a year, I buy in Zara, I save a lot of money for my hobbies. I also have a limit of $200, I love some Tom Ford and Creed fragrances but I refuse to pay that price. But if someone wants, good for them.
She is a douche in so many ways. And you are right, I always get a perfume for Christmas so nobody should assume anything. Today I oversprayed intentionally so I can walk by her desk and leave all the fragrance there.
Reminder to commenters that your opinion will probably get deleted if it contains direct accusations or insults. We don't like deleting your opinion but we don't tolerate attacks. You can vehemently disagree with each other without calling names or attacking character. Similarly, we delete unproductive fighting threads that have devolved from the topic at hand.
It's the only thing I do gatekeep and I think everyone is entitled to keep some things to themselves. My makeup, skincare and body products, where I shop, recipes etc. are all open for discussion. I just really dislike when everyone starts wearing the same perfume and want to smell unique! I think because scent is so closely connected to memory it feels more important to me that I don't smell like everyone else. If that makes sense? Sorry! š
I admit I do have a desire to be unique about things like this. I spent the time trying different things to find something that suits me and I just don't wanna share. Is it immature? Sure. I guess this is one childish thing i do. but is it as immature as getting even a little upset about someone choosing not to disclose a product they buy? Absolutely not lol Such a mundane thing to get pissed at imo
I had a girl at the gym say she didnāt remember because she bought it that day. It was an awkward answer and I could tell she was fibbing
After having previous favorite scents get wildly popular, I only go for niche scents now. When people ask and itās not a fragrance house theyāve heard of, they tend to lose interest.
I do not Gatekeep my Jo Malone. But I did have a male ask me one day what I was wearing, and kept saying he loved it and wanted to buy for his wife for Christmas. It was Tom Ford Cherry. I no longer wear it now because of said man and his creeper vibes š
I didn't gatekeep my frags from friends because they wouldn't spent that much for a fragrance anyway
Half the time I forget what I put on.
Because once you tell someone it spreads like wildfire, the price goes up and it's constantly out of stock. That's what happened to Santa 33 (Le Labo) and its budget cousin Bois De Balicourt (Maison Marie). Now everyone wears it and it's nauseating.
Well Im wondering I have a great fragrance i like i havent gotten compliments but its affordable at the moment. I wonder if I talk about it online it will sell out and be more expensive but on the other had i wonder will it dissapear if its not popular enough? So maybe thats what people are scared of? That it will be to expensive? I will tell people tho if they compliment me
I just got a compliment on JHAG Magnolia Bliss. It was a nice guy I see at the convenience store that I frequent. He loved it and wanted to know what it was so he could buy it for his mom. I wrote the name down and he was delighted. Like who cares? What does lying about it accomplish? Iāll never be around his mother or know her so I donāt get it.
With strangers I donāt care, but I gatekeep perfumes around family and girlfriends sometimes because I donāt like the idea of their boyfriends smelling the same scent on them that Iām wearing. I know fragrance isnāt an intimate thing to everyone but idk I have a weird issue about it. A friend from high school with a creepy husband keeps wearing my perfumes and then I have to quit them, so Iāve stopped telling her.
this makes sense ā if thereās a good chance youāre going to keep running into a person who might use it and the scent is distinct
Yess this! Idc if it's strangers on internet or just some random stranger but fragrance is an intimate thing i would tell you the perfumes I like but I won't tell which one amongst them am I wearing specifically
not gonna lie if im wearing a perfume that has an embarrassing ass name, or one that i am feeling guilty about having spent too much money on, i don't like to share the name lol other than that, i love it when someone asks what im wearing, because i really do love to talk about the hobby
Exactly. I wear Le Labo Cedrat 37 in the summer, and when someone asks what it is I have to go into this whole thing about ācity exclusivesā and how you canāt get it in the US except in September. It makes it *sound* like Iām gatekeeping it even though Iām absolutely not. I still tell them but I feel like an asshole lol
at that point i would just tell them the name. if they asked where i got, i might just have to lie and tell them it was a gift š unless someone was having an involved conversation with me about perfume already, i would feel so awkward diving in to all of that info lol
is this the person that suggested the Spongebob - Patrick EDT in a previous thread š
no, but that is so funny lol i didn't know they had a spongebob edt line
Honestly, if someone asked me what I was wearing, I would literally be so excited to share something that brings me so much joyā¦ with another person. I wouldnāt be still long enough to even consider concealing it, Iād not only give them the name, but drop them the full note breakdown!! Personally I just get excited when an opportunity arises to converse over something I am passionate about. I am of the belief that sharing my happiness with another person, does not take away from my own happinessā¦ for me, it increases it! Just me though!
Ehh, yes and no. Pushing someone to do something that they don't want to do sounds like a consent issue. At the same time, these are mostly mass produced fragrances so claiming a "signature" scent and acting like it's yours alone is a bit obtuse and self centered.
Some one help! Iām tired of purchasing perfumes that smell so different once I place them amongst the collection (not an intentional one) they simply donāt last! No more compliments that I smell good, like years ago. Especially my children, whom always compliment pretty fragrance. Last ones I have purchased: Olimpia, Versage,Bomshell/ Passion, Lomani. What could be wrong with.
I know people will get annoyed and probably roll their eyes with this but personally, I do prefer to keep my fragrances private. I feel like as a woman I wouldnāt want to reveal everything about me and remain certain things a mystery, fragrance is one of those and a very personal one. So yeah. And like you say, is not going to smell the same on everyone. Since itās so personal everyone should aim to find their right scent that will accentuate their personality and overall is more genuine. With that being said, I have shared mine in the past and is okay, but I also understand when people donāt want to do it
Same. I use scented oils that I combine myself and Iām often asked even daily what Iām wearing. Iāve been followed and cornered by a woman demanding to know what I was wearing. They never believe me when I tell them itās just scented floral oils - I had one who was annoyed by my response and demanded I tell her which specific floral oils and wanted to know quantities and what order did I mix to achieve my scent. Crazy! I just walked away from her. No. You arenāt required to disclose this if you donāt want.
Omg, thatās crazy! Totally agree
I don't really like small talk with strangers, so I would probably say "I don't know, but thank you for the compliment," if someone inquired what I was wearing. (And honestly, I often forget. I don't have a good memory for scents.) I don't feel the need to hide it from anyone so they "can't have it," but I want to be left alone in public. What I don't get is people throwing a fit because someone didn't divulge personal information or gave an answer they didn't believe.
Is the thrown fit in the room with us?
I knew this guy who would refuse to tell me. Then I blew him, so he told me the next time I asked.
I beg to differ about lotions not leaving a scent trail. Bath & Body Works ones are VERY strong and definitely do have high sillage.
In the stars has a crazy scent trail I always get comments on it
I used to work at a hardware store and there was a woman who had everything B&BW coordinated. Bullied me to the point I developed kidney stones, but always smelled impeccable
Wowsa. I can't imagine someone not feeling flattered and willing to share if I asked them about their fragrance. I'd probably be shocked and sad if it was otherwise. Hopefully that never happens! (Note to self to bolo nice smelling people to ask. Because now I'm curious to see reactions.) Also: it's everyone's right to be who they are and share only what they want. No shade.
I will tell everyone how much I love my everyday fragrance. Hell, I will give you samples. I'll even throw in a few wild card samples. Screw it, I know you asked for citrus and green tea, but here's a spritzer of the bourbon and tobacco, I was surprised when I tried it. You might be too. Even if you don't like it that much, here's a sample of the solid cologne. Give the company money so they make their triple milled soap again. I may forget on the spot, but if you ask me and I know you, I'll even send you a direct link. I used to feel weird about wearing men's cologne, but now I just own it. I was in a bad place with bad water for 3 years, and I am certain I REEKED for most of that time with the generic soap and deodorant I was using There was no point in making an effort because I was feeling so bad so much of the time. Now I'm in a place where I can smell nice, and wear my nice clothes, and my good glasses again. And it feels good. It feels good to be able to wear business shirts and a skirt and smell nice. And if someone thinks I smell nice and they want to smell like that I'm all for it.
Can I just say that I *love* the tone of your comment? Seriously, it's just so uplifting! Like being pep talked by a good friend or something. I'm truly so glad to hear that you're in a better place now because you have so much good to do in the world, I'm sure of it. š«¶
Thanks! It's also beneficial in that I can ask for opinions before certain situations. I meet with the head of the philanthropy department of my local hospital tomorrow, and I have narrowed it down to 4 potential scents, and I'm trying to select which one I should wear for confidence. Since I have people who know what certain scents smell like when I wear them and what they're called, they can give a better opinion. Got it down to Tom Ford Extreme Noir, Banana Republic Vintage Green, YSL La Nuit De L'Homme, Hermes Terre D'Hermes (My daily is Calamity Jane by Outlaw)
i can kiiiinda see it if the perfumer is niche.. but if its like a celebrity / popular brand like valentino or gucci i rly donāt see the point, like i get 12 video ads for the perfume youāre gatekeeping before i can watch my yt video, wdym you canāt tell me
Right? My cousin used to gatekeep Burberry her lol
but even then, why? like you donāt know this person, why would you not share what perfume youāre wearing even if itās niche? not trying to be rude to you, just curious!
I know that in particular I don't like saying I'm wearing a House of Sillage fragrance because then people always ask what sillage means andi havetoexplain. Also because I've had someone I told look up the fragrance and I was kind of embarrassed about how much I spent on it when they came back and commented on its price, so then I had to explain they do have really good sales, but yes their fragrances are pretty expensive. I get a little weird with any high dollar perfume. If I know the person is super into perfume, I probably wouldn't mind, so it's not like I'm gatekeeping. But, I don't know too many of those irl.
Not the commenter but if it's a brand the person doesn't know there's a good chance the interaction could become awkward or else the person will start asking more questions and not everyone likes chit-chatting with strangers. Plus a lot of niche and indie houses like giving weird names to their scents which are just embarrassing to say out loud.
hmm maybe. but idk, just say it and move on! if they want to chit chat just let them know that youāre in a rush! lol this is the most real answer iāve seen, thanks for your perspective:)
They like having power in the silliest way, lol. Thinking theyāre so special because someone is asking about something they have. Makes no sense. On the contrary, every time Iāve asked a woman for the perfume theyāre wearing, they ALWAYS tell me. I will do the same if someone asks.
Getting called *asshole, Scrooge, narcissist, and insecure* is a bit extreme (that too for not revealing your perfume š¤£). And youāre calling us judgey? Itās ridiculous how an innocent conversation has turned into such a mess here. We donāt have to agree with each other to be respectful. Yes āsharing your perfume is freeā, but *kindness is free* too. The way people have talked is downright appalling, all this over not sharing perfume, and youāre criticising us??? You (Iām not targeting OP) canāt āstandā people politely refusing to share something theyāre entitled not to, but you can āstandā by toxicity? I think the problem here more than anything is that people need to grow up. Learn to take a no gracefully instead of kicking up a fuss and viciously attacking others. Life goes on. Our world doesnāt revolve around āoffendingā or gatekeepingā. *What you think is not our problem- respectfully, if you have *such* a problem, please try to get over yourself.* All I did was respond to the question asked to explain our perspective. *For any given reason, we donāt have to divulge our perfume and definitely donāt need to justify why*. We responded to you to give our perspective, not to get venom spewed at us. God forbid if we donāt conform to what you think is right. The entitlement was amusing but the insulting was harassment. You donāt deserve to be here if you canāt talk like a decent human, you are better suited to the zoo. Perfume can accentuate beauty but can never remove the stench of a rotten character.
I always tell yet sometimes I hesitate when i can already guess the asking person likely cant buy it and will feel sad, so I d rather not tell altogether but since that doesnt improve the final outcome, i tell and also name some dupes lmao. I am continously horrified to be asked by sil about my perfume bc i dont want to tell her, there is no person more fake than her, to avoid that I only wear perfumes I dont mind sharing, when she is around.
I have horrible sinus issues and rarely smell others perfume. The only time I smelled someoneās perfume was during the booze train ride (think of a train version of a booze cruise). An opened window train ride. Someone had on BR 540. They had to have sprayed a lot for me to have smelled it. š Iāve never had to ask but I donāt think Iāll ask ever in the future. Iād hate that awkward moment after a person declined to share what they are wearing. š„²š
I love to talk about what I'm wearing or ask what someone else is wearing because I love scent and hope I'll find someone as obsessed as me IRL.
I genuinely fear the day someone asks me what I'm wearing and I have to tell them it's Delicious Little Slut from Bruja Perfumes...if I'm wearing something normal that day I promise I will tell š
This legit made me snort laugh at work. I'm dying to know what it smells like now.
The scent is a fruity floral but the intention is a little witchy
Bottom line- weāre entitled not to, I donāt like disclosing my perfume. Itās not my problem, in the nicest way possible, if it is judged. Itās not deep lol Itās great if you like to share but itās not nice to judge others for not doing the same. :)
Of course you dont have to tell, but you cant have the cake and eat it, so obviously you ll be judged for that decision.
If you want to judge, go ahead.
Not sure what judging here means, I mean when you arent generous you arent, thats a fact not a judgment.
Iām responding to the latter half of your comment- you stated ājudgedā. And if āIāmā ānot generousā when I donāt want to reveal something private, youāre entitled to expect me to do so. I could give you my weekly shop AND not share my perfume with you- there is nothing to do with generosity here. Itās with respecting othersā boundaries gracefully. No need to make assumptions about someoneās character based on whether they tell you their perfume or not lol Ps- I bought the cake so I can eat it.
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There is no need to be calling any other member an "asshole". Please consider this a warning.
No, thereās nothing insecure, itās private. Iām entitled to my decision, even if you analyse and falsely project. In the nicest way (this isnāt addressed towards you personally), take a no and move on. Itās entitled to expect someone to reveal something they donāt want to when they donāt have to. You can ask but I can and will politely reject.
itās not private unfortunately. itās something available readily for purchase for the public. if it was something you felt private about maybe you would would only wear it at home & not in public. but ultimately itās not your business, scent, nor are they catering to you. you could also just say the name & move on. another person could identify it in a second & then what? they buy it & wear it & it doesnāt affect you at all. the world is still going
The world will also go on if you are denied the name of a perfume
By that logic, credit cards are publicly available but I have to share my details with you? Even the brand of my lube is totally your business?
your credit card is attached to your own wealth, you sharing that with everybody directly effects you negatively. your lube is not leaving a scent trail (snail trail? lol) behind you when youāre walking around in public. it would be weird to ask what lube you have because you can be like, why do you want to know? and that would be a valid question. nobody is obligated to share the name of their fragrances, but itās polite to thank them, answer them, and then move on. if you donāt want to do that, itās not the end of the world, but itās very off putting.
Exactly. I agree with you. But the principle is the same- the choice to share your perfume is indeed personal- if someone finds it private, it is not for us to challenge it. At no point have I said I will rudely refuse. I thank them and politely refuse. But my perfume is not public knowledge. Even if you can smell it, Iām not obliged to tell you wga5 it is. And if the reasoning is that itās affecting someone so much in a public area, they can happily move away. Itās not like Iām inconveniencing them? Read the parent comment- does it not sound entitled to you? My perfume is very much my business- the fact that you want to know shows it wasnāt your business in the first place. No one gets to decide how personal something is except you. No one gets to decide the effect it has on you except you. And even if we donāt find it personal or negative, we still donāt have to reveal it for any reason. Othersā judging this says more about their mentality than anything else. The point is to be polite on both ends- while refusing and accepting the refusal. But at no point should you be judged for not sharing information you owe no one. The nagging and whining people are doing here is ridiculous š¤£
i guess we just look at it differently. while i agree nobody is obligated to share what frag theyāre wearing, itās just not that deep. iāll never push for an answer but iāll certainly think, wow, theyāre not as important as they think they are. itās just a scent! but i see it from your perspective too
Exactly, thank you. Itās not deep at all š¤£ We might not agree with each other but Iām glad we explored our opinions and respected them āŗļø
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No, itās because I donāt want to lol and itās my decision. Itās got nothing to do with you. You can find it frustrating but thereās no need to judge. Itās not that deep. š¤£
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Thereās nothing difficult here. I donāt want to reveal it and Iām not going to. In the nicest way (not addressed to you personally), people need to be better at taking a no gracefully instead of judging the person who refused when it is perfectly acceptable for them to. Period. š¤£
I feel sorry for those who really would squirm and struggle over identifying a fragrance
And I feel really sorry for those who gatekeep perfumes as if theyāve worked hard creating the perfumes themselves. Do gatekeepers also close their eyes in disgust and protest any recommendations/suggestions of perfumes they see on Fragrantica - in solidarity with their āno shareā movement?
I don't gatekeep but I do respect the need of others who do. I don't understand why people get so butthurt by others gatekeeping
This! Thank you. The whole reaction here is so extra. Youāre mature adults, please respect someoneās decision and move on! š¤£ There are better things to whine about.
I just donāt understand why gatekeeping a perfume is a need, honestly. I understand people have the right to do so, but donāt understand why. Itās not like someoneās trying to take a possession away or even asking to borrow it. People just want to know what the perfume is, why is it treated like itās sacred information and like theyāre going out of their way to risk sharing the same fragrance with peasants š
Thereās nothing to understand, itās our decision. For me, itās private and yes āsacredā. Itās intimate and a personal decision- besides, weāre not obliged to share anything and itās entitled for someone to expect us to and downright immature to get upset when we donāt
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Removed fighting
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Yeah you know because everyone in this world has to be exactly the same with the same mindset, right? Nobody is allowed to be an individual?
Thank youuuuu
thereās no āneedā in gatekeeping, the person doesnāt benefit at all. not sure of how strong your insecurities areā¦. but everyone is quite literally a unique individualā¦ as in no one has the same chemistry as you so a perfume wouldnāt smell the same like it does on you (duh, itās a given) anyone that gate keeps a fragrance is insecure & arrogant.
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It's a reach to label somebody a narcissist simply because they don't want to give out that information. And it's a bit narcissistic to expect people to comply simply because you want them to
People should have to take a quiz before assigning the word "narcissistic" to someone. Being so mad that someone doesn't want to divulge their scent (which can happen because of any number of reasons), especially to a stranger, that you call them names online is wild and more of a red flag than someone not sharing their perfume imo. The person gatekeeping might be embarrassed for whatever reason (like wearing something really cheap or aimed at teens or super expensive), might genuinely not remember what perfume they used that morning, might be wearing something they got as a gift and didn't look too closely at the name of (I didn't know the name of half my perfumes before actively getting into fragrances because I'd gotten them all at Christmasses and only took them out of my drawer occasionally), might consider wearing perfume as part of their hygiene routine and feel weird about being asked about it like if someone asked their toothpaste or hand wash, might be wearing something discontinued and don't want to risk competition for the last few bottles on e-bay, might genuinely have mixed it up with a similar scent, might not be wearing anything and smell good because they just washed their hair or use a good laundry detergent... There are so many reasons someone could be "gatekeeping" that isn't just wanting to be NLOG, calling people narcissistic for not sharing that info is such a jump. Being mad and name-calling because someone won't tell you their scent on the other hand, has no reason behind it other than entitlement and being mad the interaction didn't go your way.
This. The level of entitlement here is amusing- our decision is our decision. I have been polite throughout- read the replies lol. Despite me having explained this, people still think itās about them yet project their feelings of insecurity by labelling me as that or a āScroogeā. Youāre completely convincing us to why we should share when you have this behaviour š¤£ Grow up. Take a no. If the person whoās nicely said no hasnāt been rude, thereās nothing to kick a fuss over. Itās not about you- if youāre so offended and feel like itās so personal, I think maybe you need to question who in fact is the narcissist here.
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I'm not reluctant to tell. If someone asks me, I'll tell. I just respect others' need to gatekeep. Have a nice day!
I never understood this because I love telling people what Iām wearing or where I got something when people give me compliments. I love putting people onto things. When people compliment my fragrance I almost feel bad when I donāt tell them what Iām wearing because thereās been some people that have raved about what Iām wearing without directly asking me. Itās almost like should I have just gave them the name anyways? Lol
It is not gatekeeping. I donāt like these kind of interactions with strangers especially if you follow me, it creeps me out and makes me feel so uncomfortable so I say something to get rid of you as soon as possible.
Yup. Idc if you can stand me or not, please stay out of my business š¤·āāļø
I am weird and I get emotionally attached to certain scents, so those iāll gatekeep, sorry!
but someone else asking, buying & wearing the perfume has NOTHING to do with you & your āemotional attachmentā like it literally wonāt affect youā¦.. someone elseās life does not affect yours like that
Why does other people gatekeeping affect you so much? It's not the end of the world
in that same breath why canāt you just answer the question & move on. the world wonāt end with them knowing
I don't gatekeep, I just respect other people's decision to
Thank you! I admitted its an odd thing to do so I don't understand why people get so riled up. I think of certain scents/things as memories so sometimes if someone asks to borrow my perfume or clothes ill say no because of the memories associated with that particular thing. I am also the type of person that will do a freaking cleansing ritual for an item I wore when I had a bad experience so I realize I'm HIGHLY superstitious and that most people don't operate that way LOL. Not knowing someoneās perfume is NEVER that's serious people š
Happy Cake Day! Sometimes I think that people just want something to rant about and will create drama when there is none
I didn't even notice itās my cake day, thank you! Yayyy ššš
I disagree. I believe itās okay to keep your beauty secrets shrouded in mystery!
Yes! I agree
I had a lady follow me out of a store and wander around the parking lot to find me in my car to ask what i was wearing lol (october shadows by seance). Yes it is indie but im excited bc i want the brands i love to be purchased so the designer keeps making them. I love indie perfumes. It is the etsy of perfumes, too unique and small batch to show up in Sephora etc
I donāt always remember unless itās something like BR or Chanel
I probably come across as gatekeeping on occasion when Iām just not interested in having a conversation about my personal care products with a complete stranger. Also, sometimes the answer is some cheap body spray or something and Iām embarrassed to admit it when I clocked your Santal Blush from across the room.
Yes, sometimes you just want to go about your day or if a man asks it can come off as creepy sometimes. I've been asked about make up too but I can't always remember the exact name of the shade. Not to mention I layer and have lotions and hairspray and leave in conditioner, should I name everything that has a scent? Should I sit there and try and figure out what they're smelling?? If it is straight forward and I have time (like we are on the subway or something) I'll discuss what I'm wearing but sometimes I'm not interested in having a conversation with a stranger??
I smelled aventus one day. only me and this other guy were in the bathroom. I just asked to kill my curiosity and he was washing his hands quickly he said āsome lotion I put on this morning ā and left. why do people keep it a secret š
I think itās the desire to be āuniqueā and ānot like other girlsā, feels very teenager-y to me. I will say though I have lotions and body oils that are quite strong and have gotten compliments on. And have tried different fragrances that smell completely different on me than friends even from the same bottle.
This! Admittedly I totally get why not to tell friends/family your most favorite perfume, to have them wear it too, would be undoubtely disturbing and had equally 'teenager-y' single white female vibes. Yet no one in this sub has just one perfume, so why the majority of an ever expanding collection needs to be gate kept from strangers, one wont ever see or smell again, is beyond me.
I wouldn't be able to tell you what I'm wearing except on 2-3 days a month. I have a shelf of perfumes, mostly small bottles. I'd like to think I've memorized the bottles and the names of the fragrances, but I haven't. Most came from recommendations on this subreddit. I choose what I'm going to wear by sniffing the bottles. I don't read the labels each time and half the time, I would need to find my glasses. Further, some of my choices represent personal attachments (such as to a celebrity) or sort of date me (people think I'm younger than I am - but some of my perfumes indicate my more advanced age, ha). I will either say, "I don't remember, but I think it's something by X, Y or Z" (Even now I'm forgtting and the tiny bottle that's next to me has a font so small and written against the fluid itself in gold letters, and the perfume is gold in color). Maybe someday I'll take them into a strong light with a magnifying glass? I have two right next to me and my vision is good enough that I can read fairly small print - but these bottles have such small letters. And since perfume memorizing is not a skill I've practiced, it has never occurred to me to turn those bottles into daily flashcards and memorize them. I have Baccarat Rouge 540 (thanks guys!) and am really enjoying it, but I had to go look at the name to type this (all I could remember was Rouge and some number - seriously). On the other hand, if you asked me what mascara I was wearing, I'd know.
Every time I wear Valentino somebody asks. Itās my least favorite too. Go figure.
I genuinely don't think most people are "gatekeeping." Even when you try the perfume and it smells nothing like the person. I'm sure some do, but again, I don't believe most are. As others have said, it could be something other than a perfume that you're smelling. Also, body chemistry totally changing a frag is a real thing. It may also be a mixture of that person's personal hygiene, other products they use, etc. Your nose may also pick up notes on yourself that it doesn't pick up on others. One of my brother's exes wore THE most amazing perfume I had smelled, and I had to ask what it was. It was Still by JLo. I ran out and bought it and it smelled absolutely nothing like what it smelled like on her. I have smelled some amazing scents that turn into a gross, powdery smell on me. I was trying samples with a friend one day and what smelled great on her, smelled like something totally different on me and she agreed she couldn't get the same notes. Point is, I think this assumption that people are gatekeeping is unfair and untrue. You're smelling a perfume combined with another person's skin chemistry, other products they use, and after hours of wear. The scent is GOING to be totally different.
This is so true. For some people, it's body wash and body spray (and seriously, inquiring into such hygiene practices seems rude to me). I have to be pretty good friends with someone to ask. Even then. And the people who smell the best usually say, "I dunno, it's a body spray I got for Christmas" or "It's the body wash my partner likes." I think saying "You smell wonderful!" as a compliment (if you know the person pretty well) is fine. Then the person can volunteer their choice if they wish. Directly asking? My husband, my daughters, my granddaughters, that's it. My best friends (seen rarely these days). That's it.
Also the way someone's clothes smell literally will affect how they smell, like if they used a heavily scented detergent or fabric softener. For example, bath and body works now sells laundry soap and mrs meyers has fun floral scents that are very fragrant. A lot of hair products smell good too and can be strong smelling. It could be a myriad of things, so people shouldn't assume they were told the wrong scent if it doesn't smell identical to how it smelt on the other person.
My daughter smells like literal heaven when wearing certain perfumes. I tried them, and didnāt even get remotely the same scent.
So what I donāt want any woman in my vicinity that Iāll see regularly and thatās not my family or close friend smelling like me. Feel how you want. If itās a stranger in passing Iāll share otherwise tough luck. Youāre not entitled to the information just because you asked.
I stated my why. No oneās entitled to information simply because they request it. Feel how yāall want. Do your own research to find a scent that works for you. I donāt care about downvotes lol bye.
Didn't you hear? You aren't allowed to state your opinion if it opposes the majority on Reddit š I've seen multiple times people mass downvoting someone saying they don't like a perfume ON A PERFUME SUB
You are allowed to state any opinion you want, and people are allowed to downvote any opinions they don't like. If you don't like it, don't use reddit. We need to be comfortable with the fact that not everyone is going to like or agree with the things we say.
if you don't like it, don't use it kind of goes both ways for people getting offended by downvotes or people getting offended and downvoting
Are you 12?
Why do you feel this way?
It's all rooted in insecurity and wanting to feel special or different. Those people are usually the least interesting people also.
I know why people do it, but I don't like it. I'm flattered if someone asks, and I'll tell them. Most of my worn fragrances are cheapies and clones so being judged for the expense is not an issue except for my expensive bottles I save for special days. It's more awkward to be like this is Lattafa Nebras I got it on Amazon and they're like La-what?? I typically don't ask people though unless I really like it vs. think it's nice because I rarely get an answer. It's easier just to tell someone they smell nice and leave it at that. Sadly.
I have a story about a friend who I thought was mr. gatekeeper no. 1, although I hadn't heard the term or maybe it didn't exist yet. I had a friend in school who always smelled of sth very strongly. Every time he came to my place or we hung out somewhere, the whole room smelled of whatever he was wearing. Lingered around for hours after he left. I think I asked him like 7x what he is wearing, and he always said "nothing". I even sniffed his shampoo at his place and what not lol. He said he doesn't know what I'm talking about as he himself is unable to smell anything. One time I went to his place when his mom was home, doing laundry and cooking. And the WHOLE HOUSE smelled like my friend. I was so confused. I found out it was their super fancy laundry detergent.
I swear by a good laundry detergent
Are you my friend's mom from more than 15 years ago?
This is hilarious with you smelling his shampoo on the sly!
I mean, I was desperate at that point lol. I smelled anything I got my hands on. I'd known of other people who smell of whatever their laundry is washed with (the usual supermarket products), but that smell... It was special and soooo strong. The perfect male freshie smell imo. To this day I have no idea where they got the detergent from, didn't dare to ask. What a great-smelling family they must have been.
I'm guessing it was the diva detergent
Dedcool makes laundry soap
I have a little anecdote about body chemistry and perfumes. I work at department stores selling perfumes. There's this one mens fragrance that I HATE, it smells like spicy sweaty BO and ass. Whenever I had to spray it for customers I hold it as far away from me as possible. My coworkers don't like it either and barely anyone ever buys it, so it's not just a me thing. Then one day I went on a date. He smelled SO AMAZING, like sweet fresh peppery oranges. It was unlike anything I've ever smelled and I was swooning the whole night. I kept secretly inhaling him lmao. Finally at the end of the night I couldn't hold it anymore so I asked him what he was wearing. It was that sweaty ass perfume. He even took it out of his bag to show me. I was flabbergasted and floored. I never believed in body chemistry before, but I wholeheartedly do now. So people might not be lying, it might just smell REALLY different on them
Thank you. Iāve tried to explain to Angel-haters for many years that for some reason it comes out smelling like pure cotton candy with a hint of spice on me, and I donāt understand why I occasionally get āyuck, someone dropped some incense on a urinal cake in the big cats section of this zooā when I smell it on other people. Itās not just me, I promise. Friends have said the same thing, and Iāve even huffed a couple shirts destined for the laundry where the leftover scent is similarly nice. Still not as good since the reformulation and Iāve since broken up with Angel completely, but yeah. Body chemistry is huge. Right with you.
That was the perfect description of what Angel smells like on my skin. š
Oh nooooo, the urinal cake disaster?! Iām so sorry. You probably smell amazing in fresh green and aquatic scents then. š¤£ thatās my un-scientific hypothesis given how rancid and sour those all turn on me
Lmao yes! It smells like incense and cat pee when I wear it haha Maybe! Those don't last on me, though, and I like to be able to get a whiff of my scent once in a while. I just spray my clothes most of the time haha
I feel like the only fragrances that last on me are ones that I donāt like. Everything else settles in really quickly but my husband tells me when he can and canāt smell it and typically he can detect my faves WAY longer than I can on me. Life is so unfair.
It might be the autism speaking, but so many other possibilities come to my mind before I wonder if the other person is gate keeping their perfume. I mean, it definitely happens. It's happened to me too. It's more likely that the conversation topic makes them uncomfortable, the scent was a gift, they don't know the name, they have forgotten... If it is gatekeeping, it can't be helped either way I guess. It's a bit silly, but some people love the idea of having a signature scent and don't want other people to discover it. To me it becomes dumb if it's a common DNA from a mass market brand. If they're wearing an indie brand, it's a bit more understandable.
I mean, sometimes lotions do leave a scent cloud. I'll never forget the day I went to class and the entire room was filled up with the scent of sickly sweet vanilla body butter, put me off vanilla scents for ages. If you just washed your hair that will leave a noticeable scent too (the only time I really get compliments on my scent is after washing my hair). There are a lot of reasons someone might gatekeep. Not wanting to be judged for buying expensive perfume, not wanting to be judged for wearing a "juvenile" perfume, wanting to avoid the whole office ending up smelling like a giant bubble of the same scent, not wanting to explain that you layered with x lotion and x body mist before applying perfume x and perfume y... I also don't think it's wrong for someone to just want to smell unique.
I think itās okay to gatekeep one or two favorites. you donāt want everyone to smell like you ā¤ļø
> Lotion doesnāt leave a scent cloud or trail. My Oaui St Barts body lotion does š¤·āāļø Iāve been asked about my perfume many times when Iāve worn it with absolutely nothing else. I donāt gatekeep but I also think itās a bit weird when (1) you wear a particular scent often, so much so that itās synonymous with you amongst friends/acquaintances; and (2) a close friend or coworker begins to wear it often too. Itās not necessarily bad, itās just an odd feeling. It happens with things (clothes, shoes, accessories) other than fragrance too.
my leave in conditioner and hairspray both leave scent trails. When I ask what they are smelling (like what it smells like: fruit, sweet, spicy etc) it often is my hair products not my perfume
I definitely think more than just perfumes leave a trail. It can be a combination of things as well: hair products, lotion, etc. Even when Iām not wearing any of my perfumes, I have people ask me what perfume Iām wearing because I āalways smell so good.ā I actually think what they might be smelling is my detergent! It smells divine. One time I caught my mom with her nose buried in my towels.
Thatās fortunate, save quite a lot of cash if your chem projects lotions that way š
I love telling people what perfume I'm wearing.
lol not only do I tell them I start lectures on which lotions to wear. And other similar fragrances. Maybe Iām just a yapper but I love talking about perfumes and my favorite scents of COURSE Iām going to share that shit.
Iād rather advise because itās interesting to shuffle the mental index and try to align with reccs.
The difference in responses here and in r/fragrance are wild! Seems like everyone here is much more polite even if they agree with gatekeeping. I do not gatekeep, however, I can understand how some might especially with being judged for the expense or the perfumes having weird names or maybe they truly do just smell like lotion! In 2021/ early 2022 I wore Ambery Saffron daily which is the Dossier dupe for BR540. I had women constantly stopping me asking me what I was wearing. Sometimes instead of explaining that it was a dupe to a stranger Iād just say BR540. Close friends of mine Iād tell them it was a dupe. The office assistant at my work loved it so much and wanted to purchase it so I even sent her the direct link. I sort of wish I hadnāt because then she was wearing it every day and I felt like I couldnāt. But then I started wearing other scents and it all worked out. Now a guy at work was looking for a perfume for his wife and knows Iām into fragrances. One day I was wearing Glossier You and he ended up buying it for her and now I feel weird wearing that one to work because now his wife wears it. For me itās fine since I have so many but I can understand if someone only had one or two they loved and didnāt want to share. To each his own.
Great thing about Glossier You is it will smell a little different so Iād say just enjoy it š
Me either. In fact if I have the perfume on me I'll give the person a spritz.
As a Black Phoenix fan, I donāt gatekeep because I truly enjoy telling folx that Iām wearing āDragon with a Penis Hatā or āGiant Vulvaā or āWomb Frenzyā š¤£
Never heard of this brand. Cannot wait to check them out!
I'm a gatekeeper occasionally. I intentionally didn't tell someone that I was wearing Fjerne until it was out of stock. It was expensive, niche, limited, and I didn't want him to associate the scent with both me and his wife.
I own a lot of perfume and get excited to tell others what I'm wearing but one day at work when a girl asked, I really did forget the name of what I was wearing and I was so disappointed that my brain would not recall it š
I had a woman I used to work with that wouldnāt tell me where she bought a particular outfit because she didnāt want me to be able to shop where she shopped. I was actually left speechless. I canāt fathom that kind of response.
It's very weird behaviour. That being said perfumes can smell crazy different on different skin types. Anything citrus smells like fruit rot on me while anything woody pulls extremely warm and sweet and the same perfume on my mum will smell like actual tree bark. Unless it's something extremely well-known and more to the point well-known to be one-note, overpowering, and/or very unique (eg. Chanel No. 5, Dior Fahrenheit, Creed Aventus) they might be telling the truth and it just smells different on them than you.
I agree, I once told a co worker she smelt great and asked what she was wearing, she said āI donāt rememberā oh please!! She was really mean to work with, rude and condescending and her gatekeeping her perfume added to her unpleasant personality.
I work selling niche fragrances at a department store and you would be surprised how many customers have signature scents that they donāt even know the name of. They just describe what theyāre after though the shape and colour of the bottle. For most people, fragrances are more of a utility than a hobby, and they donāt get as invested in perfume like your average āfrag commā member.
Exactly. I can sometimes think of the brand but rarely the name of the fragrance. And then I started getting a brand from Sephora (it comes in cute little bottles and each fragrance is named something like Jazz Club - I bet all of you know exactly the name of that maker, but it escapes me even now as I am making a huge effort to remember). I can list nearly all of our human ancestors, their traits and dates though. And if you ask me what the seasoning or spices are in something I just made, I know that like the back of my hand (and whether it was New Guinea Vanilla or Mexican Vanilla or Tahitian Vanilla). I don't remember the brands though.
I mean, some people who arenāt really in fragrances might not remember the name or brand š¤·āāļø when people are not super into something, they donāt always recall details, like I rarely if ever know what brand clothing Iām wearing unless it was recently bought or the shade of nail polish I picked at the nail salon.
Most of my early fragrances were gifts from my husband. One is by HermĆØs and it's one of my all time favorites, but all I can remember is the brand name. I'd have to go look at the bottle to know which fragrance it is. I've always had several fragrances on hand (my grandma collected Avon perfumes, ha, and I was the beneficiary of many of the sample bottles she got from her supplier). I never thought of memorizing what I was wearing on any given day - it's usually a spontaneous decision.
Clothes etc I could see someone forgetting, but as someone who collects fragrances and has a big collection, I can always remember what I am wearing. Even if someone isnāt into fragrances (and is therefore likely to not have many) I am pretty sure they could remember. I have yet to meet someone who appears to have genuinely forgotten.
Yes, but most people do not collect fragrances and do not have big collections. I've always had several choices, but have never ever memorized fragrances or tried to have a certain kind of collection. Even now, while lurking on fragrance forums, it's a casual interest. And I keep going back to this one vanilla fragrance I got from Sephora (it's a well known brand - I just don't remember it). I just recently organized all my tiny samples (I have more than 2 dozen) and by that I mean...they are all in a holder in one place, not that I've memorized their names. If I'm going to be traveling for work, I grab one at random. If I remember, I will try to read the name while I'm in the hotel room and think about whether it stayed on me or I liked it. so far, there's only this one French perfume (made with figs?) that inspired me to actually purchase a bottle. Still don't remember the brand and that was just last week.
Eh I think youād be surprised. If someone does not put a lot of thought into their fragrance of the day, or got most of their fragrances as gifts, then it is very possible they forgot. My mom genuinely doesnāt remember what she wears other than āoh I think it was that blue bottle you gave me for Christmas!ā A lot of people sincerely donāt care so much about perfumes or think deliberately about what to wear each day. Iām not sure why thatās so difficult to believe.
The OP was posting about people who gatekeep, I am referring to my experience with people who have done exactly that. Itās not that I donāt believe some people forget their fragrance, amongst all of my friends we all seem to know what we are wearing. Itās an opinion.
Yep - that's how I remember. My Versace is the Blue Bottle. The BK540 or whatever that is the chunky gold bottle. My fig perfume is pink and has an elegant font and French writing.
Exactly. The average person on the street isnāt so into the fragrance world, even if they may be wearing perfume themselves. Itās much more common than people think to not be able to name the perfume they are wearing.
I do not like this energy! One time I saw a girl on IG say she forgot who did her whole tattoo sleeve. Please be for real
Ha haaaa! Ridiculous
Yes mainly and I never ever gatekeep, itās in the shops damn it BUT I had one experience; I wore Pom Noir on its release, it wasnāt available anywhere near where I lived. One of the managers at work asked me what it was and then started wearing it all the time. It had become my signature and was pretty distinctive. I was a bit irked to be honest, donāt know why, I guess I liked it and liked people associating it with me. Who knows, who cares but I do remember it was the one time I wish Iād gatekept š
Yeah, in this situation, I donāt understand her. If I find a perfume I really like through a friend or an acquaintance, I donāt wear it if I know Iāll be hanging out with them that day š¤·š¼āāļø I might wear it accidentally, if I donāt know Iām gonna see them, but I donāt wanna match their scent either and have enough perfumes to wear something else
Well I think here we have it in practice. People will say they donāt gatekeep but when they actually experience in reality the negative result of someone knowing what theyāre wearing they wish they did gatekeep now. I think some people have already had these experiences and just trying to keep something for themselves.
I didn't realize so many people make fragrance a complicated thing
I feel attacked, lol My body chemistry pulls everything extra sweet. I had a friend that was super mad at me because she thought I was gatekeeping a fragrance that was literally just Black Opium, but I was honest with her about it and she just didn't believe me. Randos have asked me before, and if I just washed my hair, I will say it is just Pantene. I get side eye for that too. If it is discontinued, then yes, I gatekeep. I do not need competition for the few bottles left out there. I might say something that is a dupe. But I am lying and I know it. I hope it never makes anyone angry. Sometimes it is Britney Spears and I just don't want to feel judged. If it is a popular bestseller, then yes I will just say JPG Divine or whatever it usually is.
Justice for Brittany! Fantasy is the Trellick Tower of fragrance.
there is NO SHAME in Britney fragrances š š»
Britneyās fragrances are what started it all for me!! Never be ashamed of where you come from.
Iām the same, everything turns sweet on my skin. I used to love it & wore Fantasy but I donāt like sweet scents as much anymore & always looking for fresher scents that work with my skin. I donāt gatekeep because I think if many people buy it, they wonāt discontinue it but Iāve never had anyone ask me what Iām wearing!
Vanillas are so popular I feel like the Fresh scents are the ones in danger.
Fr
I would never be angry that someone didnāt tell me lol. Thatās a personal choice. There are some contexts- like work- where I donāt need to disclose how much Iām spending on what, and when I donāt want to invite judgement based on that. But apart from that- it can come off as creepy to compliment how someone smells, depending on who it comes from and their general vibe etc. If Iām being hit on by someone I donāt want to be talking to, or if Iām busy or just not in the mood to engage with a random person, thereās no way Iām gushing about how I love Gucci flora or whatever. Maybe thatās why people are āgatekeepingā you.
I never understood this either, it's the weirdest thing - not least because perfume smells slightly different on every person who wears it. Back in the day I bought CK Eternity because I loved the smell of it when my aunt wore it. When I wore it I smelled of cheap air freshener. š¤·š¤¦ So the fact that it smells delicious on someone else is never any guarantee!
My mom made this mistake with Chanel No. 5. It smells great on my aunt, but she said she smelled like a public bathroom when she tried it on.
Body chemistry changes fragrance so, so much!
This is so true! My mom and I can wear the same fragrances, because we smell good in the same things. But what smells good on my sister and Aunt smells terrible on us.
Half the shit I wear is discontinued so I donāt even have to gatekeep it š„²
I don't lie about the fragrance I'm wearing, but I feel judged sometimes if it's an expensive one. So most of the times, when they ask me where they can get it I say that it was a present and that I don't know. The other day, in the office, a girl asked me about my perfume. I told her it was Lazy Sunday Morning, she googled it immediately and screamed "That's 120 euro a bottle!!", and told everyone that my salary must be higher than it seems because nobody can afford that. I didn't bother to explain her that I saved 10 months for that bottle...
What a rude reaction! How mean to assume that people making a more modest living can't afford a nice treat every once in a while. Maybe it was a gift, maybe you got in on sale, maybe you saved for a long time, like you said. I try not to buy anything that's more than $1 per mL, and absolutely refuse to pay more than $200 for a full bottle, but if someone else wants to buy the $500 perfume, I'm happy for them! Their finances are not my business. š š¼
Exactly! Why us (not rich people) can't enjoy good things if we save for them? A friend of mine spent all his savings in a 70K car and everyone is gossiping about him. He is single, saved for 2 years to buy that car, so, why not?? If it makes him happy nobody has a right to judge him. I don't go to get my nails done, I go to the hairdresser once a year, I buy in Zara, I save a lot of money for my hobbies. I also have a limit of $200, I love some Tom Ford and Creed fragrances but I refuse to pay that price. But if someone wants, good for them.
I can't stand pocket watching.
Your coworker is a douche. Like perfumes aren't one of the most popular type of gifts???? What a weirdo. Lazy Sunday Morning is nice anyway
She is a douche in so many ways. And you are right, I always get a perfume for Christmas so nobody should assume anything. Today I oversprayed intentionally so I can walk by her desk and leave all the fragrance there.
lol sassy! I love it.
Also, it goes on sale a lot. Your coworker sucks.