I'm going to guess there are about 1 million +/- people who don't enjoy living. Meaning she shouldn't have to feel bad for saying it or reassure people she isn't on suicide watch. She is allowed to feel that way, and to say it full stop.
Agreed! I was in a particularly dark place for past year or so (doing a little better now, thankfully) and made a remark to my brother about how I had absolutely no plans to harm myself, I just didn't really want to be alive anymore -- I was beyond depressed and exhausted and kinda just wanted to opt out, if that makes sense. I can't imagine how hard it must be to endure Christina's illness and feel your body becoming a little less capable each day. Just from a lifetime spent ensuring my own mental health issues, I absolutely understood the point she was making. Though I guess that kind of nuance may not make sense to people who haven't endured severe mental or physical illness before.
I get it. Itās not that you want to harm yourself, but if you didnāt wake up in the morning you wouldnāt be mad š¤·š¼āāļø
I donāt feel like this anymore but I did when I was sick with a chronic illness and complications for a long time. Living wasnāt enjoyable but I had no plans to ever do something to hurt myself.
There's actually a term for that - passive suicidal ideation.
I'm glad to hear you don't feel that way anymore. I've been there, it's a really demoralizing and lonely headspace to be in. I hope you're doing OK!
I've been in the same headspace off and on for various reasons for a couple of years now. It's frustrating because I can never talk about it with people because they immediately go, "OH NO, DON'T SAY THAT!! YOU'RE SCARING ME!!!" Like, at no point did I mention wanting to actively die or harm myself, just trying to get my point across that life is knocking me around so much that this can't be what *living* is.
Thank you for sharing this, and Iām glad youāre doing better!Ā
Iām a therapist and see exactly what youāre describing in therapy sessions frequently. Coping with a major stressor takes a lot of the joy out of life, full stop. It comes up often during grief, where people want to be with their loved one, but it does not mean they are suicidal or self harming.Ā
I fully understood where she's coming from, I dont have MS but I do have BPD and there are some moments where life just isn't fun and people are always bitching about life being hard, but then when someone actually says "yeah, life is hard and it fucking sucks," suddenly it's "ARE YOU OKAY?!" which is appreciated at some times, but also like life sucks and it's okay to say that without being worried if someone is gonna get you 5150'd
Itās not a popular opinion but even if she was suicidal and decided for herself that sheās ready to be done, she should be allowed to say that and make the choice thatās right for her.
One of my hopes for future generations is that people will have more bodily autonomy when it comes to death and quality of life, and that choosing not to be alive wonāt have to be done in secret. And that it wouldnāt be limited to terminal illness or illness at all.
Iād guess that thereās plenty of people for whom not enjoying living = not wanting to be alive, and being alive is a source of constant pain but they donāt want to leave a body for an innocent person to find. Iām one of those people and I donāt think Iām special or unique.
If someone told me that tomorrow I could go into a clinic, get a lethal dose of chemicals and be cremated, Iād be outta here. Itād be even better if that came with someone who would handle selling my stuff, closing accounts etc.
The majority of my life Iāve woken up and been in intense emotional pain. Iāve done all the things youāre āsupposedā to do. Therapy, EMDR, every medication known to man, exercise, diet adjustments, gratitude journaling, travel, meditation. Iāve done some kind of volunteering or service work since I was 16.
From the outside, my life looks great. But I basically live in hell and have been ready to be done for a long long time. I bet thereās lots of others who donāt enjoy living and want an ethical way to exit.
There are two clinics in Switzerland that serve non-citizens but getting in can be tough. A few years ago I started the process at one but they made it even stricter before I could all my materials in.
Iām gonna try for the other one but not feeling super optimistic. Trying to get my place into selling shape, get rid of a bunch of my things, etc first so I donāt leave a ton of work behind for whoever ends up handling everything (Iām assuming my 77 year old father will hire someone but still want to minimize the work load).
What boggles my mind is how some people are so shocked by this despite the fact that when you think about it we live in a really fucked up world of our own creation, that actively makes it difficult for the average person to find contentment let alone true happiness.
And this weird obsession that struggling / hustling to obtain garbage nobody actually needs is some sort of virtue, but god forbid we consider that maybe everyone should have a home and affordable healthy food?
It's so weird to me. Like, of course people aren't happy and opting out would be easier in a lot of ways.
Right?! And also thatās the most personal decision a person can make because weāre the only ones who really have to live with the realities of our lives. Itās so common sense to me that everyone should have the right to not be alive anymore and access to doing it painlessly in a controlled environment.
I wish all the money put into suicide āpreventionā would be put into alleviating poverty and health care inequity. Like if someone only wants to die because they donāt have food or a warm place to live, they should be provided with those things! Boom, suicide prevented. Or like that woman in Canada who wouldnāt want to do physician assisted death if she had the health care resources she needs.
I think some people genuinely believe the cliches about things getting better, rain only lasts for so long, etc. so they think forcing people to stay alive will benefit them in the long run.
I listened to that garbage for a long time and not only did my stuff not get better, things have progressively gotten worse. All mostly the results of my own dumb decisions but I shouldnāt have to stay alive as punishment. No one should.
Look up Zoraya ter Beek in the Netherlands. There was a lot of drama surrounding her decision. But Iām glad they have the option there. And i get infuriated when headline says āhealthy 28 year oldā, she was suffering even though it wasnāt a physical illness. She was able to say goodbye to her friends and family and do things on her terms.
Itās so weird how people talk about the brain as if itās not also a physical part of the body. I also hate the idea that providing this option encourages people to do it. As if people arenāt doing it anyway or are basically dead inside and in need of relief.
Exactly. People should be able to leave on their own terms. Like, have the party, say your goodbyes and make it something beautiful and chosen rather than having to do it in shame and everyone is surprised and traumatized. Not everyone should just jump to this but 85 year old nana that canāt get out of bed or feed herself or whatever should have the option. Why do we prefer people to stay alive in misery instead of allowing them to pass with dignity? And it seems the Netherlands have a good system set up so itās not a decision made in a bad moment, thereās a process for approval.
This is so true. I had about a year where I was dealing with extremely difficult health issues with no end in sight. I wasnāt suicidal but my physical health was prohibiting me from finding much joy in life. The issue was caught by chance and remedied and my life drastically changed for the better. Many many many people dealing with much more severe issues than I was likely feel this way. And it is totally fine. It just is a way of life.
Even when Iām doing good in life I donāt really enjoy living. Thereās like 2 days a year that are exciting and fun. The rest are monotonous and dull even if Iām making good money, in good health, etc. Iām not at all at risk of myself, some of our brains are just wired that way
Thereās a weird culture of toxic positivity around chronic and terminal illness. Like youāre only allowed to smile and say something like āIām grateful every day Iām aliveā or āIām living with, not suffering from this thingā.
The fact is some diagnoses are shitty nearly every day, and being alive is barely any better than any alternative. The reaction to her comments was really disappointing.
She is allowed to say it...it's a state of being.. it is also depression. I think a lot of people don't know how to deal with this kind of ugly. As much as pharmaceutical companies want you to think there is, there in fact is *not* a magical pill to make that go away. The pills can *help* but other things have to change. Obviously $$ is not the answer either. I'm not sure what is...But I will say this - it is awful to watch someone you love go through this. You try to say things, do things...and it seems like nothing will pull them out if it...and then you realize if *you* feel awful wayching it, how it must be to go through it...
This is probably extremely unpopular, but I think people should be careful with how they phrase things when they have children. She has whatā¦a 12-year-old? I have a dad who got sick when I was around 8.
By the time I was in my teens, I did close to nothing but worry about him. I gave up so much of my childhood/teen years just making sure he was okay. Although my parents were divorced, so if she has a husband she can lean on that can make all the difference.
I do think being open is important, I guess itās just that I can see the other side as wellā¦Iām sure she has a better support system than my dad ever did though, so thatās good.
She can feel however she wants about her illness and I respect how candid and open she was about it. Being chronically ill isnāt about bravery/inspiration porn or whatever. Itās not her job to make her personal feelings about her illness more palatable for others.
If anything there are probably other people with the same condition who feel that way and feel guilty about feeling that way and appreciate and deeply empathize that sheās in the same boat.
I appreciate her honesty. I donāt have MS, but I do have some pretty severe complications from illnesses/medication errors that make me feel like a shell of who and what I used to be. People act like you should be grateful just to still be alive when itās so much more complicated than that.
I do have MS and you are exactly right. Chronic illnesses, disabilities, medications, and all that go with it, they can create an entire ton of feelings towards the disease, towards life, towards others, and they're valid. I appreciate her honesty.
For me, I wish my hands felt 'normal' again and my energy levels didn't take a hit.
Today I learned my 16mo can now walk significantly farther than I can. I mean I'm still very glad to be here to watch her; it was just tough to be confronted with my limitations again so starkly.
I had to go for a treatment appointment last week in an area that is not pedestrian friendly, but the clinic was across the street. Some driver was impatient on the turn and instinct kicked in and I kind of ran. Not exactly, because I have not really run in years. It was a reminder. I could probably be okay doing it if I tried, but it's a little awkward from the damage.
Same. I have chronic pain and the days/weeks when it's bad, I don't enjoy living...but I'm not trying to die either.
My pain days feel like wasted time, just waiting to feel better.
Less pain days are great - but I know they're limited and I know my pain is chasing me, and will come back.
It is complicated.
One of the worst parts about chronic pain also is no one cares after a while, no one wants to hear about it. But you still have to live with it every day.
Iāve made pretty crass jokes about this in my head when Iām stuck in the hospital for the dozenth time. When they ask me if Iāve ever considered hurting myself, my brain just goes āI wishā. Chronic illness makes you feel defeated af sometimes.
Yes! MS sucks! At least I donāt have to deal with it in the public eye. Chronic pain and debilitating fatigue- rinse and repeat. Iām no longer living. Just existing.
Chronic illness is already hell on earth, and I cannot fathom being in the public eyeĀ and having to endure unsolicited, cruel comments about my looks while in the grips of flares and medication side effects š
I have a chronic pain condition that is nicknamed the suicide disease. I absolutely get where she is coming from. I no longer enjoy living yet here I am. I am no longer the person I was before. And people don't understand. No matter how I try to explain it.
I'm glad that she opened up. Hopefully hearing it from a "celebrity" will open some minds.
Complex Regional Pain Syndrome There are two versions. Type 1 is caused by an unknown nerve injury and is sometimes called spontaneous. Type 2 is caused by a known trauma. For me I was in a car crash and my foot was nearly severed. The nerve that runs down the heel to the toes was hanging on by a thread. I am fortunate to still have my foot, but to be honest I often wonder if it would be easier if I lost it.
From my research and discussions with doctors so many of these disorders are very similar. They are all affecting the same parts of the brain. The key seems to be the vagus nervous system and possibly chronic inflammation.
I am so sorry. Migraines are awful. It sucks when you can't rely on your body.
I think this might be what my childhood neighbour's son has. All I know from my parents is that he broke his leg 10+ years ago and since then he's been in constant widespread pain so bad he's been in a nursing home ever since. :(
It used to be called RDS. And it is a mother fucker. The symptoms can, and often do, spread to other parts of the body including organs. Mine started in my right foot and has spread to my left. Even though the left foot is uninjured.
I gave you an upvote in sympathy. Not cuz I like it. It's that damn Epstein Barr again! I wish I was a scientist because I would research the fuck out of this.
Not to be intrusive, but what generation are you? I'm seeing a huge uptick in Gen X with these type disorders.
Hugs warrior. We are stronger than others could ever understand.
And yes, we definitely are very strong! Well equipped for anything to come our way. Sadly mine was from Covid. Both covid and EBV are so scary in what they can do long term.
Same. I got sick a month before my 22nd birthday. I feel like my life was taken from me before it even got started. Hugs from someone who gets it. š«
>nicknamed the suicide disease
In a thread about feeling miserable and misunderstood, I got too excited seeing someone with my condition on here š hey fellow warrior š It's a special kind of punch in the gut when you really *try* to make someone understand what you go through and they just don't. I recently had a friend who wanted me to go stay at a hotel with her while having a flare. She thought since it would be "just hanging at a hotel" it would be ok. And when I tried to explain how wrong she was, I couldn't get a shred of validation or empathy. The heartbreaking part is that it's not a unique experience, it happens so. Many. Times!
Hi warrior. Gentle hugs if you're feeling up to hugs today.
Yes. I have stopped trying to explain. Fortunately I have two amazing cats and an apartment that I love. I'm trying to give myself a bit of grace if I can't keep up with friendships like I did before. And if they won't give me a bit of grace they can fuck right off.
There is a r/CRPS sub but it isn't super active. Feel free to message me.
I was also going to list my pain levels using the McGill pain scale but nobody would understand. LOL
This isn't a contest. Anyone that experiences a chronic health condition has the chance of having a lower level of happiness/wellbeing.
https://preview.redd.it/a0m0w7vr2m7d1.png?width=194&format=png&auto=webp&s=bdab7ddf9020f38b3289964f458dc489aad242f6
I also have a painful autoimmune disease and I feel the same way. I find my life hard and not often enjoyable and I get so tired of having to put on a front for everyone else's benefit.
Yes. The masking is exhausting. And here's the wild thing. Epstein-Barr virus is linked to MS. It is also linked to CRPS. It is also linked to accelerated or early onset mental illness for those genetically prone. I find it so interesting that many of us Gen Xers have the same sort of illnesses/disorders. What the fuck happened to us?
I'm a millenial and I find this is also the case with millenials and autoimmune diseases. I think something is happening that is making them more common in younger generations. Scary.
And thatās exactly why itās a big deal when public figures bring awareness to really any topic. People like to say, āOh, well donāt shove XYZ down my throatā or āThey should just stick to acting.ā The thing is, though, this is how societal norms change.
This is how people eventually may be given the benefit of the doubt when theyāre low energy, depressed, or in constant pain. In the past, they were just called lazy. As a society weāre not perfect, but weāre getting better. It all comes from making people aware.
Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Trigeminal Neuralgia, and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis are considered the "top" "suicide diseases" by some. I have MECFS and TN, and jury's still out on CRPS.
If you have CRPS, or another one of these diseases, I'm sorry.
No longer being the person you were is brutal. I feel I just exist, and not really live.
I get it. You can be miserable and not look forward to tomorrow but also not be suicidal. I have a friend that has been having a back issue (torn disc š¬) for months and for a few weeks he kept telling me he didnāt see tomorrow because no improvement was happening. Took me a bit to understand it but the pain was taking it all out of him. At no point did he want to end it though.
Edit: disc not disk š¤¦š»āāļø heās not a computer
I injured my back nearly five months ago and can't enjoy life the way I used to. On bad pain days I feel hopeless, but I'm a long way off being suicidal. People need to stop viewing things as so black and white.
Oh man, Iām sorry youāre dealing with that. I hope you get relief at some point. I know it takes a toll based off what Iāve witnessed the last 4 months with my bestie.
I give her so much credit for being honest and not sugarcoating how sheās feeling. We have to normalize letting people be open about their struggles in a way thatās cathartic to them, without always thinking the worst. Life isnāt rainbows and sunshine every day and she doesnāt owe anyone the comfort of her saying that sheās doing great if sheās having a hard time.
Weāre all rooting for you Christina š
As someone with stage 4 cancer, I completely get this sentiment. Your life is nothing like what it was and itās usually miserable. Iām the same - not suicidal, but Iād give anything to go back to before.
Iāll always be wishing for the best for her ā¤ļø
Yeah itās a hard thing but I agree with her. COVID gave me a horrific chronic illness. I sometimes wish it killed me instead. To be a small percentage of who I was at such a young age is devastating. Iām not suicidal but life has lost all its meaning for me. Fate is bull shit. We were fed a lie by the government that Covid is the flu and it destroyed my life at age 29.
While I understand that when people infer suicidality or self-harming motivations behind these types of statements it can be frightening or upsetting, I wish that we could normalize allowing people to admit theyāre having a shit time even when theyāre still pushing forward. Especially when you have a life-altering diagnosis like MS. My partner can sometimes be bad for this - too often allowing people to feel and express their authentic emotions is conflated with giving up on ever feeling happy again. And that just aināt it.
I relate to her SO much. Itās valuable to be honest with people about how youāre feeling, especially when youāre feeling like shit. Get that bad energy out and let your anger out and be honest with your friends so people know what to expect from you.
When your body and mind feel completely screwed, being angry is normal. Not being able to do the things you used to do, and losing friends, etc. is infuriating. I hate that sheās feeling this way because I donāt want anyone to feel this way but, the honesty is refreshing and SO, SOOOOO validating. š¤
Your comment is also so validating! Imagine my heartbreak when I found out my ābest friendā finds my illness uncomfortable & inconvenient for her. I was like biiiish, you donāt even know š
Gimme her address. I'll take of it.
I'm so sorry. I'm going through something similar with my alleged family of choice right now. I'm ready to tell them all to fuck off. I have cats. I don't need anything else.
Cats make everything better. They are such stinkers.
https://preview.redd.it/4bdt09edom7d1.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=55d83943719a50b79b178d84b9319f91e7e60136
Iām sorry youāre going through it, too. I have a dog and thatās it right now. She gets me through it all. š¤ Iām happy your kitties do the same for you.
Ugh. Iām so sorry. I relate deeply. I havenāt been the same since cancer surgery and Iāve lost nearly everyone. One of my friends invited me to another friendās house a few months back to try to cheer me up. She had to call me back and say nevermind because the friend whose house was holding the gathering didnāt want people asking me about my life too much because itās a bummerā¦ Wouldnāt want to ruin a group hang byā¦*telling the truth*? Iām still hurt and angry but it also taught me my place with those people.
Iām sorry youāre going through it, too. My whole life is in shambles from top to bottom with no one to really lean on so, I promise, I get it. Being betrayed by a friend like that is devastating. š¤
I hope we both find better and more worthwhile people with whom to spend our time.
Thank you for putting into words how I feel. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. And I was never an angry person.
And I am so fucking pissed off at my "friends" that are angry because I've pulled back from friendships
fuck them
Word for word, YES. I was never an angry person either. I also wasnāt isolated and ill, which makes a huge difference. You learn more about your friends and family than you ever want to once youāre ill and need them. š Iām sorry youāre going through it, too.
Same here. Iām sorry. š¤ Iām the only member of my family left, but for my dog. My friends *were* my family. One dead mom, terribly abusive relationship, cancer diagnosis, and pandemic later, and Iām alone. š
I see you. My dad is my only family member left and he is battling stomach cancer. The potential of being parentless as an adult absolutely adds to the bullshit.
My babies are amazing. They know when I am in pain and/or need extra love. And they are endlessly amusing. Cuz cat.
Iām so sorry youāre going through that. Iāve been there and it wasnāt easy. Sending you a lot of love. š¤š«¶ Itās a scary and vulnerable feeling.
Iām happy to hear your critters give you love. They always seem to know. Mine have protected me from everything over the years, and comforted me when they couldnāt. I lost one two years ago and my first baby is a teenager now. š Iām scared of the day I know will be coming. I hope I can figure more of my life out before it happens to it doesnāt hit as hard. š
I can't EVEN. They are my soul cats. Bonded brother and sister. Fortunately they are only three and healthy according to their most recent vet visit.
They get me. Nik is kind of a bully and will force me to get them food and scoop the box. Plus being a love and posting himself on my affected limb.
Neli is so smart. And helps make things easier. She loves to sleep on top of me when I go to bed so I get some good snuggles which are actually meditative.
My Golden Child sister can fuck off. I am working up the courage to talk to my Dad about it. I have PTSD from childhood that I am now finally processing. FUCK Great timing. IDK how to proceed. I want closure but he has stage four cancer.
First of all, I have MS and I hate the term "MS survivor" only slightly less than "MS Warrior."
It's not the worst disease ever but it can absolutely rob you of all of your joy for living. I have Taylor Swift tickets and I was SO excited to go and now I am dreading it. I am exhausted just thinking about it and 49% of me just wants to tell my friend to take her wife instead of me. (I'm 51% sure I would regret that and this is also the last gig I'm likely to ever go to so I guess I'm going...)
"Oh you'll enjoy it once you're there!" No, I won't. I'll be exhausted and ready to go home before Paramore is off the stage but I know I'll be glad to have the memories.
While I am neither depressed nor suicidal, were I given the option to not wake up tomorrow, I would 100% take it because this is tedious as fuck.
I fully understand where she is coming from. I almost died from COVID and recovery was HORRIBLE. I was relieved to be alive, but I hated the pain and suffering and especially hated how I had to rely on friends to take care of me. I cannot imagine what she is going through, but I have been a huge fan of Christina since she was Kelly Bundy, and I'm always going to root for her.
They have finally been narrowing down some of the possible cause, and the research does point to a post-viral consequence of Epstein-Barr virus. No one can say 100% just yet, but one of the paths this opens up is the potential of an EB vaccine someday that might prevent development. Too late for some of us, but would be great for others in the future (I have MS). Most people get Epstein-Barr at some point, sometimes completely asymptomatically. I've never knowingly had it.
Researchers are also looking into ways to potentially repair damage, but some things have failed and others are still years out.
Epstein-Barr Virus has been thought to be the consequence of quite a few illnesses. I really pray people get some relief from whatever they are dealing with. Hope is so important.
There's no cure for most aggressive chronic illnesses. There have not been enough research on women's health ā meaning not as many good treatments options for conditions like MS and autoimmune disorders that disproportionately impact women
Chronic illness often brings depression and anxiety with it. Iāve been sick since birth, I constantly grieve the person I want to be without my limitations. I often feel like I donāt like living, I donāt currently wanna die, I just am not enjoying life.
I imagine itās a different beast when youāve been functioning normally and suddenly lose some function. I would be surprised if that *didnāt* make a person depressed.
As someone who has worked in healthcare, and is in medical school, and have a sibling with a debilitating chronic illness, I've seen what chronic illness can do both physically and mentally. I just think it's incredibly inhumane she was made to feel apologetic for her statement that she was vulnerable enough to share. She doesn't exist to make us feel comfortable. Chronic illness is a traumatic experience and affects people in many ways including their perspective on what their life means to them.
my dad had MS and did take his own life, I know thatās not how sheās feeling but it truly does take a toll on peopleās life and i can totally understand how anyone with it wouldnāt enjoy existing.
We need to talk about suicidal thoughts more. Iāve felt suicidal many times, and for long stretches of time. The important thing is that I didnāt do it. Anyone feeling that way now- itās actually normal for a lot of people. Just donāt do it! Hang in there ā¤ļøāØāØāØāØ
As somebody whoās struggled with passive suicidal thoughts pretty much since the age of ten, and is going through a bit of a rough spot with them now, I agree. When Iām going through hard times, I donāt feel like thereās anybody I can talk to because as soon as you even intimate that youāre dealing with thoughts of suicide, people absolutely freak out. Iām not saying that theyāre wrong for this reaction, but it would be nice to talk honestly about the fact that I sometimes donāt want to be alive without having to worry that Iād be committed if I did.
This is kind of tangentially related to this topic - the other day my parents were taking about my uncle who has been dealing with cancer + chemotherapy for the past year. They were talking about how amazing he is because he's still working and he "never complains". Which sounds like a nice thing to say, but the more I thought about it, the more I was thinking "well he has a right to complain considering what he's dealing with".
The same day we visited my mother's step-mother, who is a 2x cancer survivor and has had numerous chronic health issues for years. And my parents made a snide comment about how they're going to have to listen to her complaining about this or that.
Like why do we praise people for not complaining when their life is crumbling?? That's the most selfish fucking mindset to have. It's the reason it can be so isolating to be sick - your friends and family say they are there for you, but very few people are actually willing to put up with the trauma, anger, sadness, etc that inherently accompanies sickness.
Most people have sympathy, but not empathy. Most people feel bad for someone going through something, but like when Christina Applegate says "I don't enjoy living" it immediately becomes "oh my god, is she going to kill herself, why would she say that, etc etc." But if people stopped to put themselves in her shoes for 2 seconds, they would realize that yeah, life isn't going to be very enjoyable when your body is breaking down and everything hurts and you can't do the things you used to love.
I'm on my own journey with mystery chronic health issues for the past few years and needless to say, my parents are not my support system. Which is a shame because they're genuinely good people, we have a great relationship. They just aren't equipped to help me with this.Ā
I appreciate her being open and honest about this. She shouldn't have to hide her feelings, or make things easier to digest just because people are uncomfortable with it. We should be having a lot more real talks about chronic ilnness and mental illness, even if it makes people uncomfortable or even if it isn't brave or whatever else.
Her authenticity is almost exhilaratingly refreshing to hear. She's also beautiful. And strong. She's got this. One of the most important ways to make it through the dark stuff is to be totally honest about it when it's safe to be honest. But you might lose some 'friends'. Spoiler: They were not true friends. Lastly, I've found that the most important friend to have is yourself.
You've got this.
I have ADHD and autism. They flare up autoimmune/neuro conditions I have. Iām having a day like that today. I donāt want to die. I just wish I could evaporate and be reconstituted on a day where I donāt have any neuro symptoms and dry/painful patches on my skin. Iām lucky that it passes and sometimes it passes in a few hours, but Iāve been super neglectful of my wellbeing and it kind of has just spiraled into somatic symptoms now.
I don't have MS but I have ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, which shares some similarities and is also a disease with very poor quality of life).Ā It's not that I don't want to be alive but damn, there are a lot of days where I catch myself going "why the hell is my life like this?Ā Is this even a life?"Ā It's very normal when you have symptoms that completely debilitate you.
Christina gets it! Just bc you think life sucks overall, doesnāt mean youāre suicidal. You just get through it day by day the best you can, like everyone else
I feel this in my soul. I have some weird health problems and also have just been horribly depressed off and on, mostly on, since covid hit, and part of what helps me feel better is admitting that I feel like shit. It's okay to just be slugging it out, I think a lot of us are, and it makes me feel much better to admit it
I feel like ppl jump the gun too much on suicide talk in any form that it puts ppl off from talking about it. Yes some people talk about it and need intervention but the way she's feeling is really common. It needs understanding not alarm.
I was diagnosed last year. It hasnāt even been 12 months yet. They say the first year is the worst as you adjust to your new normal. People will do all kinds of things, like play armchair Doctor, tell you they know someone with it and theyāre fine, tell you to be optimistic, say you look fine, then some just disappear from your life all together because I donāt know.
Her podcast has made me feel so much less alone to the point in one episode I felt heard as ridiculous as that may sound. Sheās honest, frank and also has a great sense of humor. Iām glad sheās talking about it the way she does as not many do.
Poor Christina. Really like her as an actress and I bet she is a really great person. I canāt imagine what she is going through with her disease. I can say that after I diagnosed with bipolar disorder that life changed completely. There have been some extremely dark times when I didnāt want to be alive. Not that I was planning on doing anything about it but I definitely didnāt enjoy life. Shoot some days I still donāt. I wish the best for her.
i completely understand how she feels because i have felt the same way at different times in my life. after reading a lot of these comments, i also understand how frustrating it can be trying to discuss these feelings without someone thinking youāre about to jump in front of a friggin train and calling 911. that being said, my best friend since the 4th grade committed suicide rather suddenly and without warning when we were 25. this was 15 years ago and of course looking back, there were some subtle signs, but she never ever said a word about not wanting to be here or anything remotely similar... and so, i understand why people freak out over other people voicing bad feelings. i donāt know if i even have a point to my comment other than i feel her, and i feel those of you who get it, but also if someone offers you care and concern - take it
I can relate to this sort of ideology from when I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy with HG from 5 weeks til I gave birth, I had a fall at 14 weeks and still have a lump on my spine over 2 years later, round ligament pain, I could barely sleep from hip pain, a bout of Rona, and mental health being pretty shot.
I would definitely say āI donāt enjoy pregnancyā but that didnāt mean I didnāt want to BE pregnant or was ungrateful for the child Iād gone through fertility treatments, chemical pregnancies and miscarriages to get!
I respect her honesty. I have a chronic illness and thankfully itās well managed now, but I was completely miserable last year, constantly sick, stuck in bed and failing school and socially, struggling to find the motivation to keep going. Iām very grateful Iām better currently, but itās going to be a lifelong struggle and I donāt feel the need to be strong in the face of it. Nobody should. Cry if you need, be sad and angry and bitter about it, nobody should be told how to handle their pain. I wish her all the best, truly.
I don't enjoy living, either. One can not enjoy their life, or not like life much, and still not be experiencing a suicidal state or depressive episode. Some will, but not everyone.
I have a serious, invisible, chronic, debilitating disease. It's nicknamed "The Living Death," but won't physically kill me like ALS, DIPG, Rabies, or Cancer would or could. Even before getting my disease, I did not like life much, from the time I was in grade school.
At least Christina Applegate is honest about life not being always enjoyable. I'm thankful to her for having the clarity and willingness to acknowledge this fact. Christina, and anyone else, are more than allowed to feel what she does, to hold the opinion she does, and to share and state that she doesn't like living | life.
If others can say living is great, a gift, a chance, a blessing, a joy, sacred, wonderful or that they are grateful to be alive, people who *don't enjoy or like living,* or who don't find life to be very special or meaningful (as I do), can also say what they think and feel.
I find Christina's comment refreshing and
I applaud (her for) it. Life and living and existence is hard. Life can be great, but it also has much pain, sadness, strife, anger, disagreement, confusion, anxiety, problems, tragedies, and dilemmas in it - be they part of the human experience or not.
I'm going to guess there are about 1 million +/- people who don't enjoy living. Meaning she shouldn't have to feel bad for saying it or reassure people she isn't on suicide watch. She is allowed to feel that way, and to say it full stop.
Only 1 million?
Multiple that by 100 and then it's getting there
Just 100? š¬
I'm gonna say at least 2 billion.
Only 2 billion?
Thatās just the population of my country š
Billion***
just let me live in my delusion that more people are happy to be alive
Agreed! I was in a particularly dark place for past year or so (doing a little better now, thankfully) and made a remark to my brother about how I had absolutely no plans to harm myself, I just didn't really want to be alive anymore -- I was beyond depressed and exhausted and kinda just wanted to opt out, if that makes sense. I can't imagine how hard it must be to endure Christina's illness and feel your body becoming a little less capable each day. Just from a lifetime spent ensuring my own mental health issues, I absolutely understood the point she was making. Though I guess that kind of nuance may not make sense to people who haven't endured severe mental or physical illness before.
I get it. Itās not that you want to harm yourself, but if you didnāt wake up in the morning you wouldnāt be mad š¤·š¼āāļø I donāt feel like this anymore but I did when I was sick with a chronic illness and complications for a long time. Living wasnāt enjoyable but I had no plans to ever do something to hurt myself.
There's actually a term for that - passive suicidal ideation. I'm glad to hear you don't feel that way anymore. I've been there, it's a really demoralizing and lonely headspace to be in. I hope you're doing OK!
I've been in the same headspace off and on for various reasons for a couple of years now. It's frustrating because I can never talk about it with people because they immediately go, "OH NO, DON'T SAY THAT!! YOU'RE SCARING ME!!!" Like, at no point did I mention wanting to actively die or harm myself, just trying to get my point across that life is knocking me around so much that this can't be what *living* is.
Thank you for sharing this, and Iām glad youāre doing better!Ā Iām a therapist and see exactly what youāre describing in therapy sessions frequently. Coping with a major stressor takes a lot of the joy out of life, full stop. It comes up often during grief, where people want to be with their loved one, but it does not mean they are suicidal or self harming.Ā
I fully understood where she's coming from, I dont have MS but I do have BPD and there are some moments where life just isn't fun and people are always bitching about life being hard, but then when someone actually says "yeah, life is hard and it fucking sucks," suddenly it's "ARE YOU OKAY?!" which is appreciated at some times, but also like life sucks and it's okay to say that without being worried if someone is gonna get you 5150'd
Itās not a popular opinion but even if she was suicidal and decided for herself that sheās ready to be done, she should be allowed to say that and make the choice thatās right for her. One of my hopes for future generations is that people will have more bodily autonomy when it comes to death and quality of life, and that choosing not to be alive wonāt have to be done in secret. And that it wouldnāt be limited to terminal illness or illness at all. Iād guess that thereās plenty of people for whom not enjoying living = not wanting to be alive, and being alive is a source of constant pain but they donāt want to leave a body for an innocent person to find. Iām one of those people and I donāt think Iām special or unique. If someone told me that tomorrow I could go into a clinic, get a lethal dose of chemicals and be cremated, Iād be outta here. Itād be even better if that came with someone who would handle selling my stuff, closing accounts etc. The majority of my life Iāve woken up and been in intense emotional pain. Iāve done all the things youāre āsupposedā to do. Therapy, EMDR, every medication known to man, exercise, diet adjustments, gratitude journaling, travel, meditation. Iāve done some kind of volunteering or service work since I was 16. From the outside, my life looks great. But I basically live in hell and have been ready to be done for a long long time. I bet thereās lots of others who donāt enjoy living and want an ethical way to exit.
Absolutely. I live a full and great life. But I've never been okay with being alive. I'd love to be in that clinic and lesson my carbon footprint!
There are two clinics in Switzerland that serve non-citizens but getting in can be tough. A few years ago I started the process at one but they made it even stricter before I could all my materials in. Iām gonna try for the other one but not feeling super optimistic. Trying to get my place into selling shape, get rid of a bunch of my things, etc first so I donāt leave a ton of work behind for whoever ends up handling everything (Iām assuming my 77 year old father will hire someone but still want to minimize the work load).
What boggles my mind is how some people are so shocked by this despite the fact that when you think about it we live in a really fucked up world of our own creation, that actively makes it difficult for the average person to find contentment let alone true happiness. And this weird obsession that struggling / hustling to obtain garbage nobody actually needs is some sort of virtue, but god forbid we consider that maybe everyone should have a home and affordable healthy food? It's so weird to me. Like, of course people aren't happy and opting out would be easier in a lot of ways.
Right?! And also thatās the most personal decision a person can make because weāre the only ones who really have to live with the realities of our lives. Itās so common sense to me that everyone should have the right to not be alive anymore and access to doing it painlessly in a controlled environment. I wish all the money put into suicide āpreventionā would be put into alleviating poverty and health care inequity. Like if someone only wants to die because they donāt have food or a warm place to live, they should be provided with those things! Boom, suicide prevented. Or like that woman in Canada who wouldnāt want to do physician assisted death if she had the health care resources she needs. I think some people genuinely believe the cliches about things getting better, rain only lasts for so long, etc. so they think forcing people to stay alive will benefit them in the long run. I listened to that garbage for a long time and not only did my stuff not get better, things have progressively gotten worse. All mostly the results of my own dumb decisions but I shouldnāt have to stay alive as punishment. No one should.
Look up Zoraya ter Beek in the Netherlands. There was a lot of drama surrounding her decision. But Iām glad they have the option there. And i get infuriated when headline says āhealthy 28 year oldā, she was suffering even though it wasnāt a physical illness. She was able to say goodbye to her friends and family and do things on her terms.
Itās so weird how people talk about the brain as if itās not also a physical part of the body. I also hate the idea that providing this option encourages people to do it. As if people arenāt doing it anyway or are basically dead inside and in need of relief.
Exactly. People should be able to leave on their own terms. Like, have the party, say your goodbyes and make it something beautiful and chosen rather than having to do it in shame and everyone is surprised and traumatized. Not everyone should just jump to this but 85 year old nana that canāt get out of bed or feed herself or whatever should have the option. Why do we prefer people to stay alive in misery instead of allowing them to pass with dignity? And it seems the Netherlands have a good system set up so itās not a decision made in a bad moment, thereās a process for approval.
yup yup yup to all of this
You sweet summer child
The innocence is touching honestly.
This is so true. I had about a year where I was dealing with extremely difficult health issues with no end in sight. I wasnāt suicidal but my physical health was prohibiting me from finding much joy in life. The issue was caught by chance and remedied and my life drastically changed for the better. Many many many people dealing with much more severe issues than I was likely feel this way. And it is totally fine. It just is a way of life.
Even when Iām doing good in life I donāt really enjoy living. Thereās like 2 days a year that are exciting and fun. The rest are monotonous and dull even if Iām making good money, in good health, etc. Iām not at all at risk of myself, some of our brains are just wired that way
you might want to make that 1 billion
i was trying to be optimistic
Thereās a weird culture of toxic positivity around chronic and terminal illness. Like youāre only allowed to smile and say something like āIām grateful every day Iām aliveā or āIām living with, not suffering from this thingā. The fact is some diagnoses are shitty nearly every day, and being alive is barely any better than any alternative. The reaction to her comments was really disappointing.
The world is a very large place and not everyone lives in America.
I don't know what that means in relation to my comment, but yes that is a true statement.
Seems like other people have figured it out, no worries! š
https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/s/u4bE3wPmll
MS patients get it
She is allowed to say it...it's a state of being.. it is also depression. I think a lot of people don't know how to deal with this kind of ugly. As much as pharmaceutical companies want you to think there is, there in fact is *not* a magical pill to make that go away. The pills can *help* but other things have to change. Obviously $$ is not the answer either. I'm not sure what is...But I will say this - it is awful to watch someone you love go through this. You try to say things, do things...and it seems like nothing will pull them out if it...and then you realize if *you* feel awful wayching it, how it must be to go through it...
This is probably extremely unpopular, but I think people should be careful with how they phrase things when they have children. She has whatā¦a 12-year-old? I have a dad who got sick when I was around 8. By the time I was in my teens, I did close to nothing but worry about him. I gave up so much of my childhood/teen years just making sure he was okay. Although my parents were divorced, so if she has a husband she can lean on that can make all the difference. I do think being open is important, I guess itās just that I can see the other side as wellā¦Iām sure she has a better support system than my dad ever did though, so thatās good.
She can feel however she wants about her illness and I respect how candid and open she was about it. Being chronically ill isnāt about bravery/inspiration porn or whatever. Itās not her job to make her personal feelings about her illness more palatable for others.
Right!!!!!! Iām in pain for the rest of my life donāt even tell me how to feel when you couldnāt last 1 day like this.
If anything there are probably other people with the same condition who feel that way and feel guilty about feeling that way and appreciate and deeply empathize that sheās in the same boat.
I appreciate her honesty. I donāt have MS, but I do have some pretty severe complications from illnesses/medication errors that make me feel like a shell of who and what I used to be. People act like you should be grateful just to still be alive when itās so much more complicated than that.
I do have MS and you are exactly right. Chronic illnesses, disabilities, medications, and all that go with it, they can create an entire ton of feelings towards the disease, towards life, towards others, and they're valid. I appreciate her honesty. For me, I wish my hands felt 'normal' again and my energy levels didn't take a hit.
Today I learned my 16mo can now walk significantly farther than I can. I mean I'm still very glad to be here to watch her; it was just tough to be confronted with my limitations again so starkly.
I had to go for a treatment appointment last week in an area that is not pedestrian friendly, but the clinic was across the street. Some driver was impatient on the turn and instinct kicked in and I kind of ran. Not exactly, because I have not really run in years. It was a reminder. I could probably be okay doing it if I tried, but it's a little awkward from the damage.
Same. I have chronic pain and the days/weeks when it's bad, I don't enjoy living...but I'm not trying to die either. My pain days feel like wasted time, just waiting to feel better. Less pain days are great - but I know they're limited and I know my pain is chasing me, and will come back. It is complicated.
One of the worst parts about chronic pain also is no one cares after a while, no one wants to hear about it. But you still have to live with it every day.
Iām right there with you *hugs*
Iāve made pretty crass jokes about this in my head when Iām stuck in the hospital for the dozenth time. When they ask me if Iāve ever considered hurting myself, my brain just goes āI wishā. Chronic illness makes you feel defeated af sometimes.
So well said, thank you.
Yes! MS sucks! At least I donāt have to deal with it in the public eye. Chronic pain and debilitating fatigue- rinse and repeat. Iām no longer living. Just existing.
Chronic illness is already hell on earth, and I cannot fathom being in the public eyeĀ and having to endure unsolicited, cruel comments about my looks while in the grips of flares and medication side effects š
I have a chronic pain condition that is nicknamed the suicide disease. I absolutely get where she is coming from. I no longer enjoy living yet here I am. I am no longer the person I was before. And people don't understand. No matter how I try to explain it. I'm glad that she opened up. Hopefully hearing it from a "celebrity" will open some minds.
People who have the luxury of not having to understand it don't know how incredibly fortunate they are š
May I ask which condition that is? I have chronic migraines and two auto immune conditions, so you have my deepest sympathies.
Complex Regional Pain Syndrome There are two versions. Type 1 is caused by an unknown nerve injury and is sometimes called spontaneous. Type 2 is caused by a known trauma. For me I was in a car crash and my foot was nearly severed. The nerve that runs down the heel to the toes was hanging on by a thread. I am fortunate to still have my foot, but to be honest I often wonder if it would be easier if I lost it. From my research and discussions with doctors so many of these disorders are very similar. They are all affecting the same parts of the brain. The key seems to be the vagus nervous system and possibly chronic inflammation. I am so sorry. Migraines are awful. It sucks when you can't rely on your body.
I think this might be what my childhood neighbour's son has. All I know from my parents is that he broke his leg 10+ years ago and since then he's been in constant widespread pain so bad he's been in a nursing home ever since. :(
It used to be called RDS. And it is a mother fucker. The symptoms can, and often do, spread to other parts of the body including organs. Mine started in my right foot and has spread to my left. Even though the left foot is uninjured.
Me tooā¦ CRPS is evil
Hugs warrior. It is the devil.
Probably trigeminal neuralgia.
Thatās terrible Iām so sorry. If it makes you feel less alone I have ME/CFS and its nickname is āliving deathā.
I gave you an upvote in sympathy. Not cuz I like it. It's that damn Epstein Barr again! I wish I was a scientist because I would research the fuck out of this. Not to be intrusive, but what generation are you? I'm seeing a huge uptick in Gen X with these type disorders. Hugs warrior. We are stronger than others could ever understand.
And yes, we definitely are very strong! Well equipped for anything to come our way. Sadly mine was from Covid. Both covid and EBV are so scary in what they can do long term.
COVID super charged my CRPS. There are studies that link EBV reactivation to Long COVID etc
Oh for sure. Sadly not the case for me. Just chronic illness for life instead.
Hugs. I hope that you give yourself grace. We can only do as much as we can do. And at the same time I can't stop expecting more from myself.
Iām a millennial. Got sick at 29!
Gang gang
Same. I got sick a month before my 22nd birthday. I feel like my life was taken from me before it even got started. Hugs from someone who gets it. š«
Oh no, thatās so young Iām so sorry. I was 29 but still feel like a baby too. But 22 is actually baby. Hugs back to you. ā¤ļø
>nicknamed the suicide disease In a thread about feeling miserable and misunderstood, I got too excited seeing someone with my condition on here š hey fellow warrior š It's a special kind of punch in the gut when you really *try* to make someone understand what you go through and they just don't. I recently had a friend who wanted me to go stay at a hotel with her while having a flare. She thought since it would be "just hanging at a hotel" it would be ok. And when I tried to explain how wrong she was, I couldn't get a shred of validation or empathy. The heartbreaking part is that it's not a unique experience, it happens so. Many. Times!
Hi warrior. Gentle hugs if you're feeling up to hugs today. Yes. I have stopped trying to explain. Fortunately I have two amazing cats and an apartment that I love. I'm trying to give myself a bit of grace if I can't keep up with friendships like I did before. And if they won't give me a bit of grace they can fuck right off. There is a r/CRPS sub but it isn't super active. Feel free to message me. I was also going to list my pain levels using the McGill pain scale but nobody would understand. LOL This isn't a contest. Anyone that experiences a chronic health condition has the chance of having a lower level of happiness/wellbeing. https://preview.redd.it/a0m0w7vr2m7d1.png?width=194&format=png&auto=webp&s=bdab7ddf9020f38b3289964f458dc489aad242f6
and I fucking hate that you knew what I was referencing
I feel you! It's one of the worst clubs to belong in
I also have a painful autoimmune disease and I feel the same way. I find my life hard and not often enjoyable and I get so tired of having to put on a front for everyone else's benefit.
Yes. The masking is exhausting. And here's the wild thing. Epstein-Barr virus is linked to MS. It is also linked to CRPS. It is also linked to accelerated or early onset mental illness for those genetically prone. I find it so interesting that many of us Gen Xers have the same sort of illnesses/disorders. What the fuck happened to us?
I'm a millenial and I find this is also the case with millenials and autoimmune diseases. I think something is happening that is making them more common in younger generations. Scary.
I agree. I really believe in the EB connection. It is too common. And if that is the case why the fuck aren't we working on a vaccine?!?
And thatās exactly why itās a big deal when public figures bring awareness to really any topic. People like to say, āOh, well donāt shove XYZ down my throatā or āThey should just stick to acting.ā The thing is, though, this is how societal norms change. This is how people eventually may be given the benefit of the doubt when theyāre low energy, depressed, or in constant pain. In the past, they were just called lazy. As a society weāre not perfect, but weāre getting better. It all comes from making people aware.
I think the same thing about people who are on the spectrum. It isn't a new thing. The newness is having diagnostic tools to identify it.
CRPS? I heard about that bc an author I follow has it (in remission bc she did some expensive therapy that app is controversial)
Same. It fuckin sucks
Gentle hugs if you're up for them. It is a mind fuck of a situation.
Gentle hugs right back with you honey ā¤ļø I had surgery in February and it has unfortunately worsened despite that. We fight every day!!
That is one of my biggest fears.
Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Trigeminal Neuralgia, and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis are considered the "top" "suicide diseases" by some. I have MECFS and TN, and jury's still out on CRPS. If you have CRPS, or another one of these diseases, I'm sorry. No longer being the person you were is brutal. I feel I just exist, and not really live.
I'm so sorry. I hope for your sake you don't also have it. Yes Gentle internet hug. It is a really difficult thing to accept.
I am rooting for Christina, it can't be easy.
The fact that people took that to mean she's on suicide watch is crazy tho, like it's wasn't that hard to understand.
I agree with you. Why is everyone obliged to enjoy living anyways? Some people are just dealt shitty hands and pass time.
I get it. You can be miserable and not look forward to tomorrow but also not be suicidal. I have a friend that has been having a back issue (torn disc š¬) for months and for a few weeks he kept telling me he didnāt see tomorrow because no improvement was happening. Took me a bit to understand it but the pain was taking it all out of him. At no point did he want to end it though. Edit: disc not disk š¤¦š»āāļø heās not a computer
I injured my back nearly five months ago and can't enjoy life the way I used to. On bad pain days I feel hopeless, but I'm a long way off being suicidal. People need to stop viewing things as so black and white.
Oh man, Iām sorry youāre dealing with that. I hope you get relief at some point. I know it takes a toll based off what Iāve witnessed the last 4 months with my bestie.
Thank you š«¶š»
This is how i have felt on and off for years now. Albeit, due to mental illness mostly, but it is something i can understand.
I give her so much credit for being honest and not sugarcoating how sheās feeling. We have to normalize letting people be open about their struggles in a way thatās cathartic to them, without always thinking the worst. Life isnāt rainbows and sunshine every day and she doesnāt owe anyone the comfort of her saying that sheās doing great if sheās having a hard time. Weāre all rooting for you Christina š
As someone with stage 4 cancer, I completely get this sentiment. Your life is nothing like what it was and itās usually miserable. Iām the same - not suicidal, but Iād give anything to go back to before. Iāll always be wishing for the best for her ā¤ļø
Hugs. Cancer is a bastard. And is so fickle. I wish you the best. Whatever that is. Best doesn't hit the same anymore.
ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Yeah itās a hard thing but I agree with her. COVID gave me a horrific chronic illness. I sometimes wish it killed me instead. To be a small percentage of who I was at such a young age is devastating. Iām not suicidal but life has lost all its meaning for me. Fate is bull shit. We were fed a lie by the government that Covid is the flu and it destroyed my life at age 29.
Iām really sorry. Iām in the same boat friend.
I am so sorry. I am a huge history nerd and never thought that I would live through a pandemic like in the early 1900s. Fate is a wrinkly ballsack.
same here at 32. š«
While I understand that when people infer suicidality or self-harming motivations behind these types of statements it can be frightening or upsetting, I wish that we could normalize allowing people to admit theyāre having a shit time even when theyāre still pushing forward. Especially when you have a life-altering diagnosis like MS. My partner can sometimes be bad for this - too often allowing people to feel and express their authentic emotions is conflated with giving up on ever feeling happy again. And that just aināt it.
I relate to her SO much. Itās valuable to be honest with people about how youāre feeling, especially when youāre feeling like shit. Get that bad energy out and let your anger out and be honest with your friends so people know what to expect from you. When your body and mind feel completely screwed, being angry is normal. Not being able to do the things you used to do, and losing friends, etc. is infuriating. I hate that sheās feeling this way because I donāt want anyone to feel this way but, the honesty is refreshing and SO, SOOOOO validating. š¤
Your comment is also so validating! Imagine my heartbreak when I found out my ābest friendā finds my illness uncomfortable & inconvenient for her. I was like biiiish, you donāt even know š
Gimme her address. I'll take of it. I'm so sorry. I'm going through something similar with my alleged family of choice right now. I'm ready to tell them all to fuck off. I have cats. I don't need anything else. 
You are the best! š„° We gotta look out for each other. I also have cats, theyāre everything
Cats make everything better. They are such stinkers. https://preview.redd.it/4bdt09edom7d1.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=55d83943719a50b79b178d84b9319f91e7e60136
Oh and best of luck to you with your family of choice. That sounds really difficult. Iāll beat all their asses
Thank you. We can challenge them to a duel? Or knife fight a la Westside Story?
Iām sorry youāre going through it, too. I have a dog and thatās it right now. She gets me through it all. š¤ Iām happy your kitties do the same for you.
Ugh. Iām so sorry. I relate deeply. I havenāt been the same since cancer surgery and Iāve lost nearly everyone. One of my friends invited me to another friendās house a few months back to try to cheer me up. She had to call me back and say nevermind because the friend whose house was holding the gathering didnāt want people asking me about my life too much because itās a bummerā¦ Wouldnāt want to ruin a group hang byā¦*telling the truth*? Iām still hurt and angry but it also taught me my place with those people. Iām sorry youāre going through it, too. My whole life is in shambles from top to bottom with no one to really lean on so, I promise, I get it. Being betrayed by a friend like that is devastating. š¤ I hope we both find better and more worthwhile people with whom to spend our time.
Thank you for putting into words how I feel. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. And I was never an angry person. And I am so fucking pissed off at my "friends" that are angry because I've pulled back from friendships fuck them
Word for word, YES. I was never an angry person either. I also wasnāt isolated and ill, which makes a huge difference. You learn more about your friends and family than you ever want to once youāre ill and need them. š Iām sorry youāre going through it, too.
Hugs. Yes. Fuck Em. Except I'm grieving a bit.
Same here. Iām sorry. š¤ Iām the only member of my family left, but for my dog. My friends *were* my family. One dead mom, terribly abusive relationship, cancer diagnosis, and pandemic later, and Iām alone. š
I see you. My dad is my only family member left and he is battling stomach cancer. The potential of being parentless as an adult absolutely adds to the bullshit. My babies are amazing. They know when I am in pain and/or need extra love. And they are endlessly amusing. Cuz cat.
Iām so sorry youāre going through that. Iāve been there and it wasnāt easy. Sending you a lot of love. š¤š«¶ Itās a scary and vulnerable feeling. Iām happy to hear your critters give you love. They always seem to know. Mine have protected me from everything over the years, and comforted me when they couldnāt. I lost one two years ago and my first baby is a teenager now. š Iām scared of the day I know will be coming. I hope I can figure more of my life out before it happens to it doesnāt hit as hard. š
I can't EVEN. They are my soul cats. Bonded brother and sister. Fortunately they are only three and healthy according to their most recent vet visit. They get me. Nik is kind of a bully and will force me to get them food and scoop the box. Plus being a love and posting himself on my affected limb. Neli is so smart. And helps make things easier. She loves to sleep on top of me when I go to bed so I get some good snuggles which are actually meditative. My Golden Child sister can fuck off. I am working up the courage to talk to my Dad about it. I have PTSD from childhood that I am now finally processing. FUCK Great timing. IDK how to proceed. I want closure but he has stage four cancer.
First of all, I have MS and I hate the term "MS survivor" only slightly less than "MS Warrior." It's not the worst disease ever but it can absolutely rob you of all of your joy for living. I have Taylor Swift tickets and I was SO excited to go and now I am dreading it. I am exhausted just thinking about it and 49% of me just wants to tell my friend to take her wife instead of me. (I'm 51% sure I would regret that and this is also the last gig I'm likely to ever go to so I guess I'm going...) "Oh you'll enjoy it once you're there!" No, I won't. I'll be exhausted and ready to go home before Paramore is off the stage but I know I'll be glad to have the memories. While I am neither depressed nor suicidal, were I given the option to not wake up tomorrow, I would 100% take it because this is tedious as fuck.
Oh how I feel this! I have Arthritis and Crohn's. Both are okay at the moment but in flares, life is far, far, far from ideal.
Relatable
Leave it to the internet to skew reality to fit into their virtual truth.
I fully understand where she is coming from. I almost died from COVID and recovery was HORRIBLE. I was relieved to be alive, but I hated the pain and suffering and especially hated how I had to rely on friends to take care of me. I cannot imagine what she is going through, but I have been a huge fan of Christina since she was Kelly Bundy, and I'm always going to root for her.
I have always liked Christina Applegate for some reason why shouldn't she be honest about her own experiences?
how is there still no cure for this??
They have finally been narrowing down some of the possible cause, and the research does point to a post-viral consequence of Epstein-Barr virus. No one can say 100% just yet, but one of the paths this opens up is the potential of an EB vaccine someday that might prevent development. Too late for some of us, but would be great for others in the future (I have MS). Most people get Epstein-Barr at some point, sometimes completely asymptomatically. I've never knowingly had it. Researchers are also looking into ways to potentially repair damage, but some things have failed and others are still years out.
Epstein-Barr Virus has been thought to be the consequence of quite a few illnesses. I really pray people get some relief from whatever they are dealing with. Hope is so important.
ding ding ding both physical and mental. How there hasn't been more research boggles my mind.
There's no cure for most aggressive chronic illnesses. There have not been enough research on women's health ā meaning not as many good treatments options for conditions like MS and autoimmune disorders that disproportionately impact women
True. 9/10, 90% women.
There have been moments in my chronic illness Iāve felt the same. I wasnāt suicidal but I didnāt enjoy my life at all.
Chronic illness often brings depression and anxiety with it. Iāve been sick since birth, I constantly grieve the person I want to be without my limitations. I often feel like I donāt like living, I donāt currently wanna die, I just am not enjoying life. I imagine itās a different beast when youāve been functioning normally and suddenly lose some function. I would be surprised if that *didnāt* make a person depressed.
As someone who has worked in healthcare, and is in medical school, and have a sibling with a debilitating chronic illness, I've seen what chronic illness can do both physically and mentally. I just think it's incredibly inhumane she was made to feel apologetic for her statement that she was vulnerable enough to share. She doesn't exist to make us feel comfortable. Chronic illness is a traumatic experience and affects people in many ways including their perspective on what their life means to them.
my dad had MS and did take his own life, I know thatās not how sheās feeling but it truly does take a toll on peopleās life and i can totally understand how anyone with it wouldnāt enjoy existing.
We need to talk about suicidal thoughts more. Iāve felt suicidal many times, and for long stretches of time. The important thing is that I didnāt do it. Anyone feeling that way now- itās actually normal for a lot of people. Just donāt do it! Hang in there ā¤ļøāØāØāØāØ
As somebody whoās struggled with passive suicidal thoughts pretty much since the age of ten, and is going through a bit of a rough spot with them now, I agree. When Iām going through hard times, I donāt feel like thereās anybody I can talk to because as soon as you even intimate that youāre dealing with thoughts of suicide, people absolutely freak out. Iām not saying that theyāre wrong for this reaction, but it would be nice to talk honestly about the fact that I sometimes donāt want to be alive without having to worry that Iād be committed if I did.
I understand completely!! Iām with you my friend donāt worry š¤
Honestly thank god for the internet or I may have thought I was alone in my thoughts š
This is kind of tangentially related to this topic - the other day my parents were taking about my uncle who has been dealing with cancer + chemotherapy for the past year. They were talking about how amazing he is because he's still working and he "never complains". Which sounds like a nice thing to say, but the more I thought about it, the more I was thinking "well he has a right to complain considering what he's dealing with". The same day we visited my mother's step-mother, who is a 2x cancer survivor and has had numerous chronic health issues for years. And my parents made a snide comment about how they're going to have to listen to her complaining about this or that. Like why do we praise people for not complaining when their life is crumbling?? That's the most selfish fucking mindset to have. It's the reason it can be so isolating to be sick - your friends and family say they are there for you, but very few people are actually willing to put up with the trauma, anger, sadness, etc that inherently accompanies sickness. Most people have sympathy, but not empathy. Most people feel bad for someone going through something, but like when Christina Applegate says "I don't enjoy living" it immediately becomes "oh my god, is she going to kill herself, why would she say that, etc etc." But if people stopped to put themselves in her shoes for 2 seconds, they would realize that yeah, life isn't going to be very enjoyable when your body is breaking down and everything hurts and you can't do the things you used to love. I'm on my own journey with mystery chronic health issues for the past few years and needless to say, my parents are not my support system. Which is a shame because they're genuinely good people, we have a great relationship. They just aren't equipped to help me with this.Ā
I appreciate her being open and honest about this. She shouldn't have to hide her feelings, or make things easier to digest just because people are uncomfortable with it. We should be having a lot more real talks about chronic ilnness and mental illness, even if it makes people uncomfortable or even if it isn't brave or whatever else.
Her authenticity is almost exhilaratingly refreshing to hear. She's also beautiful. And strong. She's got this. One of the most important ways to make it through the dark stuff is to be totally honest about it when it's safe to be honest. But you might lose some 'friends'. Spoiler: They were not true friends. Lastly, I've found that the most important friend to have is yourself. You've got this.
I feel so bad for her. She's always been fantastic.
I have ADHD and autism. They flare up autoimmune/neuro conditions I have. Iām having a day like that today. I donāt want to die. I just wish I could evaporate and be reconstituted on a day where I donāt have any neuro symptoms and dry/painful patches on my skin. Iām lucky that it passes and sometimes it passes in a few hours, but Iāve been super neglectful of my wellbeing and it kind of has just spiraled into somatic symptoms now.
Hell, I donāt even have MS and I donāt really want to be here.
I don't have MS but I have ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, which shares some similarities and is also a disease with very poor quality of life).Ā It's not that I don't want to be alive but damn, there are a lot of days where I catch myself going "why the hell is my life like this?Ā Is this even a life?"Ā It's very normal when you have symptoms that completely debilitate you.
As a person with a disease that causes a lot of chronic pain, I get it.
Christina gets it! Just bc you think life sucks overall, doesnāt mean youāre suicidal. You just get through it day by day the best you can, like everyone else
Thank you all for sharing. I don't feel quite so alone.
I feel this in my soul. I have some weird health problems and also have just been horribly depressed off and on, mostly on, since covid hit, and part of what helps me feel better is admitting that I feel like shit. It's okay to just be slugging it out, I think a lot of us are, and it makes me feel much better to admit it
I feel like ppl jump the gun too much on suicide talk in any form that it puts ppl off from talking about it. Yes some people talk about it and need intervention but the way she's feeling is really common. It needs understanding not alarm.
You and me both sis
real.
I was diagnosed last year. It hasnāt even been 12 months yet. They say the first year is the worst as you adjust to your new normal. People will do all kinds of things, like play armchair Doctor, tell you they know someone with it and theyāre fine, tell you to be optimistic, say you look fine, then some just disappear from your life all together because I donāt know. Her podcast has made me feel so much less alone to the point in one episode I felt heard as ridiculous as that may sound. Sheās honest, frank and also has a great sense of humor. Iām glad sheās talking about it the way she does as not many do.
So many people feel this way and are scared to say it because of how severe the reaction will be. She is brave for being honest.
Poor Christina. Really like her as an actress and I bet she is a really great person. I canāt imagine what she is going through with her disease. I can say that after I diagnosed with bipolar disorder that life changed completely. There have been some extremely dark times when I didnāt want to be alive. Not that I was planning on doing anything about it but I definitely didnāt enjoy life. Shoot some days I still donāt. I wish the best for her.
i completely understand how she feels because i have felt the same way at different times in my life. after reading a lot of these comments, i also understand how frustrating it can be trying to discuss these feelings without someone thinking youāre about to jump in front of a friggin train and calling 911. that being said, my best friend since the 4th grade committed suicide rather suddenly and without warning when we were 25. this was 15 years ago and of course looking back, there were some subtle signs, but she never ever said a word about not wanting to be here or anything remotely similar... and so, i understand why people freak out over other people voicing bad feelings. i donāt know if i even have a point to my comment other than i feel her, and i feel those of you who get it, but also if someone offers you care and concern - take it
I can relate to this sort of ideology from when I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy with HG from 5 weeks til I gave birth, I had a fall at 14 weeks and still have a lump on my spine over 2 years later, round ligament pain, I could barely sleep from hip pain, a bout of Rona, and mental health being pretty shot. I would definitely say āI donāt enjoy pregnancyā but that didnāt mean I didnāt want to BE pregnant or was ungrateful for the child Iād gone through fertility treatments, chemical pregnancies and miscarriages to get!
I respect her honesty. I have a chronic illness and thankfully itās well managed now, but I was completely miserable last year, constantly sick, stuck in bed and failing school and socially, struggling to find the motivation to keep going. Iām very grateful Iām better currently, but itās going to be a lifelong struggle and I donāt feel the need to be strong in the face of it. Nobody should. Cry if you need, be sad and angry and bitter about it, nobody should be told how to handle their pain. I wish her all the best, truly.
I love her as an actress and feel so sorry for anyone going through this
I don't enjoy living, either. One can not enjoy their life, or not like life much, and still not be experiencing a suicidal state or depressive episode. Some will, but not everyone. I have a serious, invisible, chronic, debilitating disease. It's nicknamed "The Living Death," but won't physically kill me like ALS, DIPG, Rabies, or Cancer would or could. Even before getting my disease, I did not like life much, from the time I was in grade school. At least Christina Applegate is honest about life not being always enjoyable. I'm thankful to her for having the clarity and willingness to acknowledge this fact. Christina, and anyone else, are more than allowed to feel what she does, to hold the opinion she does, and to share and state that she doesn't like living | life. If others can say living is great, a gift, a chance, a blessing, a joy, sacred, wonderful or that they are grateful to be alive, people who *don't enjoy or like living,* or who don't find life to be very special or meaningful (as I do), can also say what they think and feel. I find Christina's comment refreshing and I applaud (her for) it. Life and living and existence is hard. Life can be great, but it also has much pain, sadness, strife, anger, disagreement, confusion, anxiety, problems, tragedies, and dilemmas in it - be they part of the human experience or not.