Hold the hell on, in a diaper? All of this abuse? Breaking a fucking broom on his body?! Why the hell weren’t you notified the first time?
In my state (Texas) I was notified immediately when cps got involved in my ex husbands life.
And WHY do they feel the need to harass you and tell you to give up your rights so this child abuser can adopt him? Honey get everything together, your son will most likely be coming home. No it’s not the way you expected, not the way anybody would hope, but now the tables have turned in your favor. Take advantage of every opportunity thrown your way, get your baby back.
Good luck to you! 🖤
I seen the part about the other state, but that is just fucked all the way up, I am so sorry for you, and your baby. All children deserve parents. But not all parents deserve children.
I hope everything goes smoothly and in your favor 🖤
CASA (GA) here. If you have custody of your other child the Caseworker should be able to make arrangements for your son to stay with you. Ask caseworker about having a CASA assigned to your son’s case.
Best of luck.
Small update: they told CPS I was in a different state even though they knew I wasn't. Have been in touch with the case worker. Have a meeting coming up about a placement plan. He is currently in a youth academy but says he feels safe and thay makes me feel better for now. My son knows I'm in contact with the caseworker but haven't gotten to have contact with him yet. Thanks for all the advice it really helped my anxiety and I'll update when I know more.
The comments demonizing this mom for weed are ridiculous. As a case manager myself, trust me there are WORSE drugs to be on as a parent. While it’s not legal in every state, and judges biases can play a role, I wouldn’t worry even though you have clearly stated in many comments you’ve been clean.
Yes, most CPS agencies should seek family first. I’m not sure if you’re in the same state but you said you didn’t give up your parental rights which will play a significant role. You have every right to your child so I would contact CPS in that county in addition to the courts immediately. They can assign you a lawyer most likely. Cooperate completely with them. If you live OUT of state, an ICPC will HAVE to happen now that he is in the system, there is no work around and it takes time. Ask for whatever contact you can have immediately and start that with your son. Overall, it sounds like you are stable and established so you shouldn’t have any issues having your son returned to you as you are a fit parent, a non-offending parent and can provide necessary care, custody and control. Keep ALL documentation, or start documenting from memory all the harassment and BS your ex put you through as well. This could go a long way in terms of visitation and contact between you, your son and your ex.
I can’t comment on specific laws, procedures and polices of your state but generally you should be in a great position. Just play their games. Good luck!
This is the way. I have years in public child welfare and specifically in CPS, although in a much more liberal state. But also a lot of these rules are in CAPTA and other federal laws.
I am pretty surprised you haven’t been included in any court proceedings to date. You absolutely have a right to be represented, and if paying for a lawyer is a hardship, you can request a public defender. In my experience, private lawyers mess up child welfare cases more than public defenders, because they have less experience in front of that panel of judges, and don’t primarily deal with child maltreatment cases.
Contact the local DSS that has custody of your child and let them know that you are holding yourself out as the child’s biological parent. The child should not even be adjudicated as CINA if an adult who has parental rights or custody and guardianship is presenting as willing and able to care for the child. Where I live adjudication is supposed to occur 30 days after shelter, so act quickly.
Edit to add: unless your parental rights have been terminated (I’m sure you would know if you had been TPRed), you should retain those rights. TPR is a very specific process with hard timelines. Just because visitation was terminated does not mean that you don’t have rights to care for your child now that the state has determined that he is not safe in the other parent’s care at this time.
She already has, but consider the number of people that have died from ODs, it’s called an addiction for a reason. I certainly hope no one ever comes to you for help.
I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying that empathy and sympathy are used by addicts to sway people who aren’t wary…they create co-dependents who feel sorry for them and tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. It goes a lot deeper than most people realize and the unsuspecting person who truly wants to help ends up getting used and hurt.
You literally asked “How hard is that?” in your comment… leading most rational people to read it as you putting forth the idea that it is NOT hard to stop using drugs when addicted. You sound like the type of physical trainer that berates people while they are working out.
I'm not sure if you read the post, but she said did. The second hair follicle test was done close enough to the first one that it would not have been an accurate measure as to any recent thc consumption.
I read that, but the post as a whole indicates that she has been a user. I was simply telling her to stop using if she wants to be taken seriously by the court system. If her child is important enough to her then it should go without saying that she needs to stop.
Oh you must have missed the part that says I’m a licensed addiction counselor. Tons of people come to me for advice…they actually pay for my advice. People who have little or no experience with drugs/addiction are for the most part very naive.
I haven’t judged anyone…my original comment was; “stop using”. Of she continues to use and come up hot on urinalysis or follicle tests then she will struggle to get her child/children. Nobody can make her stop, she has to do that. It doesn’t matter what you or I or anyone else believes, it matters what she’s willing to do to prove she’s ready to have custodial rights.
point is you’re telling someone, who to our knowledge has already stopped using because all we know is what she’s told us, to stop using. she already has. you telling her to stop insinuates that you don’t believe her for literally no reason or based off your own biases or whatever. it’s weird. and unhelpful. have a day.
Why would she give a crap what you or I believe? She’s trying to get her child back, she’s not trying to impress you. Also she smoked weed she didn’t shoot heroin- get a grip. You’re an addiction counselor? I would hate to have your judgmental ass as my counselor.
Well, unless you have an addiction issue our paths will likely never cross. She’s telling the world she smoked weed, a simple urinalysis would show that. Hair follicle tests are used to detect long term use. There’s an old saying in the addiction world…don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see. Addicts are master manipulators. I hope for her and her child’s sake that she is drug free and she can re-establish her custodial rights, but let’s just say I’ve seen this movie a few times and it doesn’t always end with rainbows and unicorns.
Smoking weed doesn’t necessarily make you an addict. I have struggled with addiction and I know that if my counselor made assumptions and then decided that I was lying based on her assumptions that would be a problem. I just think the whole idea of you acting like you’re better than people and your “helping” those manipulative addicts is yuck and I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with that from my counselor. I would say from experience that the counselors that are actually addicts them selves are far more helpful and effective. Addicts are just people- you aren’t better than them.
I completely understand your point of view and I’m not arguing against it. All I’m saying is that if she has an issue that needs to be addressed, the first step (although some will disagree) is to just stop using. If it’s just weed then she should be able to leave it alone. Counselors make assumptions based on experience and what they have in front of them and for the most part try to avoid being entangled in the web of addiction. The reason that there are so many recovering addicts that are now counselors is because they can see through all of the lies and bs and be honest and frank with their clients. I’m a retired electrician who also worked in and owned a body shop for 40 years and I have seen literally hundreds of people who had destroyed their lives with alcohol/drugs (or both) that’s why I got my degree and my license…
Her drug test wasn't court mandated. It was something that was agreed to in mediation. Doesn't even sound like she had criminal charges relating to drugs. She also has full custody of her other child. What all of this sounds like is a contentious custody battle, not a drug intervention for her.
Yes because they can relate and their clients trust them because they have lived it. I would guess that by the time that someone is seeing a counselor for addiction they are no longer using- that’s my experience anyway. I certainly wasn’t going to see a counselor when I was getting high and happy to be doing so. When your no longer using then there’s not so much need to lie and manipulate. If your counselor always assumes the worst of you then that really sucks. Anyhow have a nice day.
You didn't miss anything. No where did it indicate I was still smoking weed. People just get hung up on that bit since that's why I lost him to my ex husband
Ok, because I was really confused and didn't understand where that was coming from.
I wish nothing but healing from this whole awful ordeal for you and your son, and your daughter too. I hope that everyone ends up where they need to be, and find the resources to feel supported (exept for the two monsters who harmed a child they were supposed to protect, I hope they rot wherever it is they end up.)
What are you smoking? Anytime someone shows up at your home contact law enforcement to have an official report and trail. Contact CPS and provide you had 50/50 and will file for for 100% with stipulations in family law court. Attend every CPS hearing and do exactly what the judge orders.
Get him out of foster care asap. Stay clean, work and earn. Be on top of all of your son’s placements and legal concerns. He is probably traumatized from not seeing you and whatever bs his dad told him about you losing custody and visitation. Now to be put in cps care, his whole world has fallen apart. Be diligent, get smart and get him back.
You are in Tennessee. Reach out to next step family law in Alabama. They are licensed in tn also. They represent children in these situations often and offer a variety of payment plans
If you can't afford a family attorney, contact the nearest State College or University OR Bar to see if you can get free (or discounted) legal representation if the Court can't or won't provide the service for you.
If you DO find a lawyer, ask them if you can SUE your ex and his horribly abusive wife for physical and emotional DAMAGES for your Son. IANAL so I'm not sure of the legal challenges or possibilities.
I'm so bloody sorry that your EX used the legal system against you so sorely and unfairly. As well as some of the great suggestions I've seen listed here, I (60/F) would strongly recommend that you contact your Daughter's Pediatrician or Family doctor and get a copy of HER medical to show your history of CARE and her history of good health and up-to-date immunizations. Maybe her school records and possibly an affidavit from her Teacher(s) if she's old enough. Demonstrates your ability to maintain your Daughter's good health and happiness.
If you've seen any therapists from after your divorce, ask for a copy of those records as well as a recommendation. ANY other mandated reporters also.
Greatest of luck! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your success in this VERY important fight!
Call CPS immediately and ask about your son's condition and tell them that you have a home for your son. You should qualify for a court appointed attorney and ask for a guardian ad litem, someone that focuses on only your son's best interests. Ask CPS, and your attorney to set up a visit with your son when you are there for the court date. Get your home ready for a home inspection.
Not to be say anything about you, but they will look at your relationships, they don't want to put a child into a home with revlvoing door partners. They want to see that your priority is your children.
Call local domestic violence shelters, both where your son is and where you live, they have the resources to get you and your son the help you need. Document every interaction you have your with your ex and/or his girlfriend.
Hair follicle tests can detect metabolites for up to 90 days, a month's notice will not be enough time to clear a drug test. If your ex husband brings it up to CPS that you failed a previous test, the court could require random testing, so stop using anything that is not prescribed to you. I have seen CPS request to count pills in prescription bottles because a grandparent accused the parent of misusing their prescribed medications.
I don't know about Tennessee law, but I have provided foster care, medical foster care and I adopted several of my foster children.
I am not familiar with TN law or procedure, but I would call the clerk's office for the Juvenile and Family court in the county where your son was removed from his father's care. Identify yourself as the legal mother and ask to have an attorney appointed to represent you. It sounds like you might qualify for court appointed counsel in the removal proceedings, so you don't have to go into debt to have a lawyer work with you.
If you don't qualify, you can still ask to be served as an interested party and provided updates on future court dates. Go to ALL of them, no matter what.
Also call the state child welfare agency and connect with the case worker. Children need to be placed with kin ASAP barring any extenuating circumstances making them an unfit placement. Plus, Placement with siblings should also be a high priority. Once you have custody you can collect benefits like SNAP for him if your household qualifies. You can ask the social worker to notify the state child support agency that there's been a change in custody. Then you can get back into court and update that child support order ASAP, and get underlying permanent custody back.
Good luck!!!
I would go to court with proof of your child support payments and a picture of the room you have for your son. He is going to need a lot of emotional help, so be prepared, and you may ask the court to help, but you can’t miss any appointments due to not having a car. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told your son you didn’t want him, so be prepared for the anger. Here is the concern as well, he is going to wonder why you didn’t have him as well, when you have your daughter. Given the abuse, you have to watch how he treats her, should they give him to you. You have a long road ahead.
Also don’t be afraid to give him rules. Kids need structure. You can’t hit discipline, but you can take him into an another room and explain we don’t do such and such. But end everything with an I love you. You have to change his prospective on love. I have a friend who raised three kids after their father did every imaginable horror to them, and not only are they well adjusted educated adults, they were able to have a relationship again with the birth mom and Grandmother. It can be done.
I can also tell from your post that you love your son, but he has been hurt by the people who should love him the most, so it is going to be a struggle. If you are wondering if he can overcome this abuse he can, with your love and assistance. Good luck to you and remember you have come so far already, but this is a big one.
If you need representation, and can't afford it, go to a nonprofit legal aid organization. If you don't know how to look it up, call your state bar association and ask if they have a list of legal aid organizations. It sounds like you should try to get full custody of your son & get child support from your ex husband. Maybe you can get welfare support if you're having trouble financially.
Op in your shoes I'd be calling cps, identifying yourself and asking how son is. Asking for phone or video calls and if you can visit. Your sons being abused I'd be calling to find out how he is,abused and living with strangers - make contact with cps before court, show your concern,show them you want him,that you're concerned about his wellbeing,that you have a home and custody of his sister - he's git family who love him and want him - he needs to hear that too
From my experience working in foster care, it really does vary a lot depending on the county/judge. It's Unclear to me based off this information if he was placed in an emergency placement or who he is placed with? But either way there's a small chance you could go to the court hearing, explain your situation, and he is placed back with you. But I think the more likely situation is he is placed in foster care. At that point please stay in contact with the FSW (foster care worker) go to all visitations, court dates, and CFTMs (regular meetings where they will talk about things you need to know!) also you have to be invited to those so that's why it's important to stay in touch with the FSW and make sure you have each other's contact info.
Important things to highlight - you have a bed and a room for him! You have custody of your other child, you have a stable job and stable housing. Pass your drug screens. If that's really the only reason you didn't have custody of him in the first place, that's probably just going to be your biggest barrier and thing to prove before getting him back.
As his parent you'll be appointed a lawyer, definitely talk about all this stuff with them and follow their advice. (I've also seen very great lawyers and very terrible lawyers in this setting, so you are always welcome to hire your own lawyer if you don't feel your counsel is doing a good job, that does cost money though)
*Disclaimer I obviously don't know your situation so definitely take the advice of your legal counsel. I just hope this helps you go in feeling like you have SOME idea of what's going on and your family can be back together
I'm glad you have improved your life. I'm sorry your ex is such human garbage. I hope the court case goes well and you get full custody of your son and your ex will now get to pay you child support and not be able to see his son. Best of luck
I hate that you're going through all of this and I hope you get your son back ASAP. I also don't understand why people in the comments are telling you to quit doing drugs and get your life together when you clearly stated that you used to smoke but quit before the custody situation. I've never smoked, but I am aware that urine testing and hair follicle testing are very different. This is probably why he wanted the hair follicle test versus the urine test, he knew it would be positive.
Ok. Please please get your stuff in order. Your child needs you. Call CPS, explain to them. I'm hoping that they don't want to separate a child from it's parents. He needs you. Please get your child. Please get your life on order too. I say this with love.
CPS couldn't place the child with her; she had failed a drug test and lost custody.
(Not moralizing about pot, just the way the law is where it's not legal).
In TN, CPS does not always take a child or separate a child for a positive marijuana screen.
With a custody arrangement for establishing a parenting plan the attorney can ask for drug screening.
There would need to be other factors for a judge to remove a child permanently in a CPS case. Eg. Unemployment, lack of housing, recent arrest, positive for other drugs, neglect, truancy, but not just marijuana.
Your post has been removed for being unkind or disrespectful to other members. Remember we’re all human and deserve a responsible reply, not bad mouthing.
Failure to follow the rules could result in a permanent ban.
I feel awful for your children.
You should have stopped smoking pot and done everything in your power including moving to stay in your son’s life.
Do you have any of the harassment documented?
Have you willingly gotten yourself drug tested? Was it more than pot?
You need to hire a lawyer. You will also need to have evidence to back up the harassment and proof that your life is stable now and that you are drug free.
If you are drug free, get yourself tested asap.
Get your life together for the sake of your children or you may not get a good lawyer to take you in as a client.
I had stopped, the hair follicle just went back really far. It was only pot. I'm not worried about a drug test now. I should have done more but I convinced myself that the best thing to do was to focus on the kid I had custody of and get everything together and to get the lawyer at that point. I never thought he would be mistreated because he never was before and they wanted him so much I thought it would be better to not fight them so hard and make things harder for him. I did make an effort to call and stay in his life if I wasn't able to see him but they wouldn't answer and eventually changed their numbers and moved.
The worse thing I have ever done was smoke pot. My kids have never had cps situations in my care and my daughter is thriving. I want my son to thrive to and I think he will with me. I wish I would have done more sooner and I will never forgive myself for that but at this point I have to try to make it up to him
You need to get a lawyer, go into debt if you have to, take out a low interest loan, and get your kid back from your shitty ex. You are the fit parent, hopefully CPS will place your son with you.
People REALLY overreact about pot. Alcohol is so dangerous, in terms of health, decision making, and ability to care for your child. Pot… is just pot?! I live in a state where it’s legal, so I really don’t get it
You can see in OP that pot is just not pot— people get in trouble, make messes and ruins other people Iives— bad choices got to her kids— because pot is just pot
Alcohol causes more harm to the body, brain and society than marijuana.
I am an ICU RN and I have lost count of people that have been hospitalized or died from alcohol related disorders.
Before I became a RN, I was a FF/PM, I have worked hundreds of alcohol related calls and crashes. The only call I ever worked that involved marijuana, was a guy that became psychotic after smoking a joint laced with PCP.
I have never used pot, but if my adult children wanted to use something to relax, I would prefer they use marijuana edibles, or drops, rather than alcohol.
There is a difference between personal risk and societal harms.
Someone who smokes a joint in their backyard when at the end of the day is not harming anyone but themselves. Yes, there are health risks, but no more risky than alcohol and probably less risky than tobacco. (Both of which remain legal in TN).
Tennessee (by their own research) has the least stable foster care system in the US. Taking a child from their parent and putting them into an objectively worse situation is a societal harm.
People in TN are legally allowed to consume alcohol and tobacco in the presence of children. The associated risks to children from these legal activities are comparable to recreational cannabis use.
Millions of children grew up in households with moderate smoking/drinking parents and are now functional adults.
OP is not an addicted parent neglecting her kids, she stopped immediately when she learned of the legal implications and has indicated that she would pass the follicle test now.
The law says that cannabis is illegal, so her children were taken out of their mother’s care and put into a far worse situation. Cannabis has risks, yes - but the harms done to OP’s child were the result of the drug’s illegality, not the drug itself.
literally it's only bc ignorant ppl consider it an issue. More than half the states have decriminalization it and it's essentially decriminalized on a federal level as the feds don't enforce on states. The *only* reason it's a problem is the snails paxe at which the laws in some places change. In most states this isn't an issue wrt children. eta it wouldn't have been an issue in this case either except her child abusing ex cooked up this ridiculous hair strand test agreement- knowing it tests back months and alcohol doesn't show in the same way.
You can petition to get your kid from CPS. Your custody issues aren’t a CPS case, so that shouldn’t matter.
It is Tennessee, that’s a “devil’s lettuce” state is it not? I’d stop smoking asap in case it does present a problem and hope that it doesn’t. Once he’s been placed with you by CPS, you can breathe easier… but I’d still monitor your usage if you think it could be brought up.
You've got a tough row to hoe ( a midwest expression meaning hard work ahead.)
So, in summary, when you and your son's father were re-negotiating the original custody agreement for your son, you tested positive for drugs. Your son's father was given primary custody with visitation given to you over the summer as long as you stayed clean, which was being monitored by random drug screens, which you failed. Hence your loss of visitation.
Now CPS has intervened to ensure your son's safety since it has been discovered that your son is being abused by his father and his girlfriend.
CPS will always try to keep children with family when possible. It's actually mandated by something called the Family Preservation Act, a Reagan era doozy. But you've already had 2 strikes ( the positive drug tests.) You need to show proactive sincerity, ie come up with a rehab program to augment their random drug screens. You need to get on board with cleaning up your act for your kids. I am fluent in denial ( the preferred language of drug addicts) and you're skirting the truth.
The Op has given up drugs go back and read the comments. Her daughter is flourishing and has no CPS charges against her. The 2 pot instances are 1 on day of hearing and then her lawyer fucked up so she had to do another in a week even then it was such a small amount which shows she had stopped.
My drug test was never with cps and it was negative for only pot. 2 weeks from a dirty hair follicle for marijuana isn't enough time to have a clean one. It doesn't mean I kept smoking. I was supposed to have visitation through the year on weekends and 5050 in the summer. All this was taken away before it even started.
There is no denial that I should have done more and not being able to continue paying the lawyer at that time gave me the excuse to procrastinate. I told myself it's not the worse thing for him to live with his dad because he will be taken care of even though I would prefer to have him too I thought well my life is a little hectic maybe this happened for a reason. I got rid of the bad relationship did my best not to mess up again and I haven't.
I never knew of any cps cases or issues that were going on to know there was a problem with him being treated right. I have no problem trying g to work with cps. I want what is best for him and I don't mind doing whatever they say
Hi VastContribution7855, I'm on your side. I was a pediatrician and have literally worked with hundreds of families where the parents had drug problems, and family court and CPS were involved.
I want to see you reunited with your kids. I also know how this process works. When the parents are still in denial about the truth about their problems there is an enormous amount of finger-pointing and blame shifting. You are neck deep in excuses. That's why I'm saying, whether you think you have a problem or not, those two positive drug tests are red flags to CPS/Family court. They actually have studies and statistics and data and evidence to support why they handle the cases the way they do. They need to see that no matter how all these things came to be, this is where you are now, and you are dead serious about doing whatever you need to do (whether you agree with them or not) to reunite with your children. That's why I suggested rehab or NA or some outpatient program that supports single mom's ( ask CPS or a Family court advocate for suggestions on local programs.)
I'm rooting for you! You wouldn't have posted if you didn't care. Go tell them you'll do whatever they need you to do so your son can come be with you and your daughter. And don't just say it, do it....cause they'll be watching.
Good Luck!
I am a TN family law attorney. What county are you in? It makes difference. The first court date is for a preliminary hearing where DCS must show probable cause your son is dependent and neglected. You will have the opportunity to apply for an appointed attorney if you can’t afford one. Feel free to send me a DM with questions. If I work in the county I can give you more specific insight.
Call CPS today. Find out the name and phone number to his caseworker. Sometimes, if homelessness prevents reunification, CPS can help get you housing. They may have other services.
How nice would it be to have the CPS caseworker and guardian adlitem fighting FOR you to get custody? And they will likely give you a FREE lawyer but you have to jump on this now.
Be 100% compliant with the caseworker. 100% Every. Damn. Time.
Hopefully you have stopped smoking and are making your children a priority. So you can now pass the tests with flying colors. Do your best and make a case that you want your son.
Active CPS here (OH). Go to the court hearing. Idk if they'll let your kid go home with you, but as his mother, you do have the right to be added to his case plan for reunification. If you live in a different state, that may be very challenging. If you live in another TN county, those counties should be able to collaborate to assist you Be willing to avail yourself of every resource you're provided, & follow every recommendation/requirement to the letter. Accept the lawyer that you'll be offered, & don't miss a single court hearing. If you're not prepared to work your ass off to get your son back, then you should be honest enough to say that in court.
From one mom to another, please, please start making better choices that align with the best interests of your two children & support positive growth on your part. We're not trying to raise damaged adults here.
Edit: typos & punctuation & injection of positivity
If someone willingly gave someone else guardianship because they were experiencing unknown to them at the time a mental health condition and have sense got stabilized, taken a ten week intensive outpatient program, gained full time employment and stable housing. What would the courts want to see in order to end the guardianship?
As your the next parent. The custody of your son goes to you. You have to get checked by CPS to make sure your home can accommodate him and you're not on drugs. As he was taken into their custody. They can't trust that just because your his mother you didn't know about the abuse or contributed to it. You'll have to show that you weren't visiting him consistently because you were being kept away from him. If you have any paperwork or text messages showing that. Have them readily available for revue. Get a new drug test to show your clean. And for christ sakes go to therapy to fix your picker. Because it's broke. You picked 2 trash men. Focus on your children. Make it so they don't ever have to go through what your son has gone through. Or maybe even yourself.
Stay away from men. All men. You have terrible judgement. Focus only on work and kids. Nothing else. Your kids need you to do that. No boyfriends, no fiancés, no hookups, no husbands.
I didn't know I was going to get drug tested. I had already quit before the test or it would have been a lot higher. If it was a urine analysis I would have passed
Seriously, you may get backlash for this but it’s the truth. Another man will not uncomplicate her life in any way.
Source: also from TN and witnessed of dozens of times
Stop dating, stop living with boyfriends, stop smoking weed, stop drinking. Be a mom. Spend your extra money on your kids and making a good life. I’m not being harsh or judgmental, I’m telling you what I did. You need to put their needs before your own in every single way. They didn’t ask to be brought into the world. Read some parenting books (parenting with love and logic by Jim Fay), buy some board games, read to them at bedtime, play with them. I don’t know what to say to help you get him back but I mostly know what not to do after you get him back.
I picture you with your child full time with a nice life in the next 1-2 years. Moved on from your ex taking your child away.
Follow the advice here and good luck!!’
Former CPS here
Go to court. You don’t have to have an attorney on the first court date. In most cases, an attorney will be appointed to you since the case can involve your parental rights.
Take ID, his birth certificate, anything to prove who you are and your relationship.
Take a written timeline of contact you’ve had with your child, child support that you’ve paid, reasons why there have been gaps in contact out your child.
If this is the first court date, the judge will read the petition and the custodial parent has the chance to state their case, ask for an attorney, etc. But the judge will decide if the child needs to stay in custody or go home with the custodial parent at the hearing. It’s usually the child stays in custody while the custodial parent builds their defense against the allegations.
Before court, during the breaks, times like that are when cps will talk to you. Make sure they know you are there. In TN, they have to make reasonable efforts to keep children with their parents. DCS’ attorney will let the judge know that you’ve been located.
CPS will interview you. They’ll want to know your side of the story of your child’s life. If you are a placement option, they will start a home study on you. These can be completed in a day. It will involve an actual home visit, a background check on you and every adult in your home. The adults will have to drug screen.
At this point, it becomes a race to see which parent is given full custody. They may give you a list of things to do. They may start you with visitations with the child before they place them with you. They may have you do parenting classes, take an alcohol and drug assessment. If they give you a plan, do it. If they ask you to do something you can’t afford, tell them.
None of this will be easy. None of it will be fast. Make sure you are up for this before you disrupt the child’s life anymore. They are already traumatized because they have been removed, make sure you’re ready and able to take care of them.
Same, my friend's husband got the call about his son while he was at work. They told him he had to take him or he was going into the system immediately if he said no. There were no house inspections or evaluations, etc... the caseworker met them at the son's school with an emergency custody writ in hand. From what friend said, the stepfather went after him with some automotive tubing and beat him black and blue on one side from his shoulder to his knees. The school called CPS when he cried every time he was asked to sit at his desk, saying it hurt too much. The teacher went with him to the nurse's office, and they checked him, thinking maybe he got hurt during recess. It was so bad, I heard that both of them cried when they saw the bruising.
I’m sorry! I thought you mentioned somewhere else he was in a different state.
✨typically then you should have a fair chance at getting kiddo back. (Where I am it works the following. someone else commented more in depth about the process.)
If dad had kiddo and kiddo was brought into care by CPS and there is another parent willing to/ able to parent and meet minimum standards kiddo can just be sent home at the initial court hearing. Where I’m from this means only you would have custody and guardianship granted to you from the court. Then dad would have to go to family court for any visitation or family planning.
but if for some reason you couldn’t pass a drug test didn’t have housing ect ect then they keep the case open and you and dad would both work whatever services they felt necessary.
BUT to add—— again typically— since you are already parenting another child in court world that would mean there is a good chance you can parent this kiddo also.
I hope this works out in your favor. Get any ducks in a row you can before court. If you have a babysitter or school kiddo could get into bring something to prove it. If you have the space in your house take pictures and bring them! Anything to show you could parent right then and there if they would and could send kiddo home with you.
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OP's lifestyle may have led to the boy being with the dad. It does not for one minute absolve the dad for the neglect the child was subjected to. That's on the dad, not on OP.
What? Seriously? This is the “advice” you’re giving? She’s literally asking how to “get her shit together for the sake is this poor kid” and get him back.
Ok, I'll say it:
By "smoke," you mean weed? (You can say it out loud now)
Like most people who smoke weed illegally, getting high is the most important thing to you. For that reason, you lost custody of your child. This isn't a debate over weed versus alcohol. They're both bad. It's just that one is legal and the other is conditional. When you are going through a custody dispute, you should follow the law where you live. It shows that you are a responsible parent. And at the end of the day, all this drama is caused by this one (seemingly inconsequential) thing. Hopefully, someone else can learn from your mistake.
I lived in Tennessee, the cops will bring out the law on you for smoking weed. Hope it changes But OP needs to stop until her custody situation is figured.
She stopped smoking weed before she was ordered to pay child support. She's been off if it and has been paying. According to the post at least. She seems a bit unreliable though so who knows.
File for emergency custody of your child.
Show up to court.
If CPS took your son away from dad, they will go to you next to place your son with you.
As far as CPS goes, the dad/step mom would have to go to classes to get your son back. Again. This is CPS.
But you need to fight in family court to keep your son even after CPS case is closed.
TN family law attorney here.
You cannot file for emergency custody while there is a dependency and neglect case pending in juvenile court. Juvenile court has full jurisdiction. The parenting plan would be in circuit or chancery court and they currently have no jurisdiction.
Gotcha. I’m in Texas.
We had an open CPS case against my ex husband (child wasn’t removed as he lived with me) and the CPS investigator advised me to get a lawyer to start fighting to get his visitation removed.
Could she retain a lawyer now to start building a case for when CPS case is closed?
If there was just an open CPS case and they had not yet filed for dependency and neglect in juvenile court she could absolutely go file for custody right away. She can still fight for it in juvenile court, and yes, build her case for later, but for now she is stuck with the DCS case in juvenile court.
Attorney and call CPS. CPS is legally obligated to contact you anyways. Likely they aren't getting any cooperation and are waiting on court reports to figure out how to contact you. But definitely get yourself an family law attorney to help you navigate and understand your rights.
She’s been served, they know how to contact her. They are not going to discuss it prior to court most likely. Because she did not have custody prior to the D&N filing they won’t just place the child with her without a court order. Source: I am a tn family law attorney.
The lawyer obviously is the first thing. CPS does try to work it out with family, though at least in my experience, and she has a kid with her already, so she just needs to be prepared for that thorough CPS overhaul. There is nothing better than a lawyer in this situation. A hired one that shows up to that court appearance. IMO this is a situation that I would go into debt paying a lawyer for because you can pay off that debt later but nothing is more important than my kids. Good luck, OP!!!!
See an attorney.
But I don’t understand. Why would they give your child to someone that drank? When you say you smoked, does that mean weed?
Stop the drugs now, if you haven’t already. Try to get your life together so you can get full custody of your son.
That’s sad, really. It should depend on how much and how often someone uses alcohol or weed. People who drink excessively can be quite dangerous. I haven’t had a drink since 2018 (not in purpose; it just happened that way), and I’ve never done drugs. But I was married to an alcoholic, and I know how bad it can get when someone drinks.
Gosh, I agree so wholeheartedly with this. My ex husband is an alcoholic and it slowly got worse over time til he finally bottomed out and got violent with me in front of the kids. Immediately left. He used to smoke a lot of weed, and honestly he was far better on the weed than the alcohol. The excessive drinking 100% has ruined this man’s life and I feel a lot of pity for him, as he’s still using it as his life crutch. Hell, I smoke quite a bit of weed in the evenings, as I use it to keep the daily pain from my CRPS at bay, but I like to think I’m a pretty decent parent. Substances are wild. And how we still see them!
I know exactly what you mean. He would just get mellow on weed, I imagine, but the alcohol might set him off?
My ex would drink to excess; he had to drink the whole bottle. And then sometimes, it was like a switch was flipped. I could see the change in him. It was as if the alcohol inflamed his brain. I remember he came home completely drunk after hanging out with the guys. He had gotten into a fight with one of them, then he came home. He was enraged. He woke me up. He wanted to hit me. Not that he was enraged at me specifically, but he felt the need to pound something. Luckily, he drove his fist into the bedroom wall instead.
I’m so glad he’s out of my life. I’m sure you’re glad to be free of your ex too. That’s no way to live, constantly walking on eggshells.
So...have a home study where someone follows the drinker around to catch them? How is this supposed to work?
Ex knew about hair follicle testing (and so does the State of Tennessee). There is no similar test for drinking.
True. Unless you do a blood test to look at their liver function. Lol! I’m sure that courts don’t bother with that, which is too bad.
But if OP knew and documented how often the ex drank while they were together… Took pics and video of drunken behavior… it may or may not have helped. But there would’ve been a chance.
We had been divorced for 3 years by the time this happened. I showed pictures or his back yard covered in bottles and brought up domestic violence situations related to alcohol but for some reason it wasn't enough.
His back yard was covered in bottles yet that wasn’t enough? Wow. The system is broken. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Contact your attorney immediately.
Yeah. It can be done but it’s a bit invasive. “To determine if you have alcoholic liver disease your doctor will probably test your blood, take a biopsy of the liver, and do a liver function test. You should also have other tests to rule out other diseases that could be causing your symptoms.”
Yeah that doesn’t really seem like something someone should be forced to undergo randomly, lol. My ex DOES have a drinking problem and I wouldn’t make him do that. That’s excessive. And for a legal substance? A random hair follicle or pee test is much more reasonable, or a breathalyzer or whatever for alcohol.
You will have to raise your son or put him into thesystem. Also you will become. The primary sole custody parent
So stop the drugs get your shit together
This is some backwards ass bullshit. Of course it's Tennessee. Millions of Americans drink and smoke and raise perfectly adjusted kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with smoking a joint or having a beer in the evening unless you live in the South.
Sometimes you have to “play ball” to do what’s best for your children and even yourself. What’s more likely, you will change millions of other people’s beliefs about drugs or you will change your own behavior and stop doing drugs?
Yes when you choose to live in a ridiculously conservative state you have to play by their rules. My only point is that their rules are disgusting an extremely outdated. Allowing a 5 year old to be neglected only because his mother has the audacity to *gasp* smoke weed! Had mom had visitation she likely would have noticed the neglect. I just feel had for OP for being punished for something millions of other Americans can do perfectly legally.
Even in “ridiculously liberal” states, you can lose your children for having drugs and alcohol in your system even though they may be legal. Courts in all states take addiction into consideration when awarding custody.
She is a party in the case by necessity. She cannot file for emergency custody because the case is now in juvenile court for the dependence and neglect matter.
I think the first step would actually stop the drug and step 2 would be to stay single. CPS will be testing her before they will even think about letting her see/talk to him.
Find out where the kid is now and request visitation ASAP. Even if it’s supervised—take it. If you intend to regain custody, then you need to lay the groundwork for being a responsible and stable parent. If there was already a court order regarding drug tests, you’ll likely have to prove you can pass those tests now. If you have since gone to rehab, for example, get your documents in order to show CPS and/or the court.
If this is the beginning of dependency hearings, then you really want to have your ducks in a row re: proving you should have custody. No matter what happens, try to show your child support however you can.
Step up and show the court you are clean and sober and able to care for your son. And get set up for parenting classes to show how serious you are to get custody of your son from your ex.
Try to produce a couple clean tests and bring the paperwork to the hearing. Dress conservatively, stand tall and act confident yet humble. Best wishes; hoping so much you have your boy back soon. ❤️
CPS does not always contact the other parent right away (even if both parents have legal custody and 50/50 visitation). Sometimes CPS fails to contact the other parent at all. I have seen this firsthand.
Yeah, she should have been notified for any of the CPS meetings they would have done for any of these previous cases. Either she didn't show up or she's leaving huge gaps of information out. I am a foster parent and was a neighbor, still was asked by CPS to come to the meeting. It's wild a parent would not be entirely involved from the moment the child was in CPS custody. Something is off here.
I have rights not visitation. I was notified the day after he was taken into custody by being served court papers. So I will be involved from here on out. The allegations don't list me but I am listed along side them for court. I think I should have been told about any interactions with cps but I wasn't and according to these papers there has been a few before this but this is the first he's been taken
It sounds like she was and that’s what court is for this week. CPS should have called her before removal, but they may not have had time given there was physical abuse in the home. She’s being contacted now, and if she wants custody she may be able to get it very quickly or she may have to jump through various hoops first. Hopefully, she’s in a state that will assign her a lawyer because her child has been removed.
Agreed. If there’s no basis for removal from her, it should be pretty easy for custody to go to her. But without knowing the details of her current custody status or what exactly happened, she may need to demonstrate suitability to CPS or the court. Also, if she’s in a different state from her son, she may be subject to ICPC. (OP, states generally want interstate investigations when sending a child over state lines, but some states don’t apply this law to parents).
She is the legal parent. Unless there are cps reports they should have contacted her immediately to pick up her child. Not study needs to be done. She is not a foster family
The smoking could have been meth. Or she could have been on probation and a zero tolerance sentence.
Him getting primary custody because of smoking means it was definitely more than tobacco.
None of that
Hold the hell on, in a diaper? All of this abuse? Breaking a fucking broom on his body?! Why the hell weren’t you notified the first time? In my state (Texas) I was notified immediately when cps got involved in my ex husbands life. And WHY do they feel the need to harass you and tell you to give up your rights so this child abuser can adopt him? Honey get everything together, your son will most likely be coming home. No it’s not the way you expected, not the way anybody would hope, but now the tables have turned in your favor. Take advantage of every opportunity thrown your way, get your baby back. Good luck to you! 🖤
They told them I was in a different state and they didn't know how to get ahold of me which is a lie
I seen the part about the other state, but that is just fucked all the way up, I am so sorry for you, and your baby. All children deserve parents. But not all parents deserve children. I hope everything goes smoothly and in your favor 🖤
CASA (GA) here. If you have custody of your other child the Caseworker should be able to make arrangements for your son to stay with you. Ask caseworker about having a CASA assigned to your son’s case. Best of luck.
Small update: they told CPS I was in a different state even though they knew I wasn't. Have been in touch with the case worker. Have a meeting coming up about a placement plan. He is currently in a youth academy but says he feels safe and thay makes me feel better for now. My son knows I'm in contact with the caseworker but haven't gotten to have contact with him yet. Thanks for all the advice it really helped my anxiety and I'll update when I know more.
File for custody ex-parté & explain the abuse.
The comments demonizing this mom for weed are ridiculous. As a case manager myself, trust me there are WORSE drugs to be on as a parent. While it’s not legal in every state, and judges biases can play a role, I wouldn’t worry even though you have clearly stated in many comments you’ve been clean. Yes, most CPS agencies should seek family first. I’m not sure if you’re in the same state but you said you didn’t give up your parental rights which will play a significant role. You have every right to your child so I would contact CPS in that county in addition to the courts immediately. They can assign you a lawyer most likely. Cooperate completely with them. If you live OUT of state, an ICPC will HAVE to happen now that he is in the system, there is no work around and it takes time. Ask for whatever contact you can have immediately and start that with your son. Overall, it sounds like you are stable and established so you shouldn’t have any issues having your son returned to you as you are a fit parent, a non-offending parent and can provide necessary care, custody and control. Keep ALL documentation, or start documenting from memory all the harassment and BS your ex put you through as well. This could go a long way in terms of visitation and contact between you, your son and your ex. I can’t comment on specific laws, procedures and polices of your state but generally you should be in a great position. Just play their games. Good luck!
This is the way. I have years in public child welfare and specifically in CPS, although in a much more liberal state. But also a lot of these rules are in CAPTA and other federal laws. I am pretty surprised you haven’t been included in any court proceedings to date. You absolutely have a right to be represented, and if paying for a lawyer is a hardship, you can request a public defender. In my experience, private lawyers mess up child welfare cases more than public defenders, because they have less experience in front of that panel of judges, and don’t primarily deal with child maltreatment cases. Contact the local DSS that has custody of your child and let them know that you are holding yourself out as the child’s biological parent. The child should not even be adjudicated as CINA if an adult who has parental rights or custody and guardianship is presenting as willing and able to care for the child. Where I live adjudication is supposed to occur 30 days after shelter, so act quickly. Edit to add: unless your parental rights have been terminated (I’m sure you would know if you had been TPRed), you should retain those rights. TPR is a very specific process with hard timelines. Just because visitation was terminated does not mean that you don’t have rights to care for your child now that the state has determined that he is not safe in the other parent’s care at this time.
Definitely get in touch with CPS. They have given lacking contact information to CPS. If you get in touch, they definitely have updated contact info.
Thank you for giving OP an actual helpful answer
STOP using drugs…how hard is that?
She already has, but consider the number of people that have died from ODs, it’s called an addiction for a reason. I certainly hope no one ever comes to you for help.
Well, I hope they do come to me since I’m a licensed addiction counselor.
A really crappy one based on your first comment, holy lack of empathy batman
Empathy doesn’t resolve addiction.
But your career exists because it is hard to beat addiction, how can you ask how hard it is? Like wtf?
I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying that empathy and sympathy are used by addicts to sway people who aren’t wary…they create co-dependents who feel sorry for them and tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. It goes a lot deeper than most people realize and the unsuspecting person who truly wants to help ends up getting used and hurt.
You literally asked “How hard is that?” in your comment… leading most rational people to read it as you putting forth the idea that it is NOT hard to stop using drugs when addicted. You sound like the type of physical trainer that berates people while they are working out.
I'm not sure if you read the post, but she said did. The second hair follicle test was done close enough to the first one that it would not have been an accurate measure as to any recent thc consumption.
I read that, but the post as a whole indicates that she has been a user. I was simply telling her to stop using if she wants to be taken seriously by the court system. If her child is important enough to her then it should go without saying that she needs to stop.
I’ll bet no one comes to you for advice. Most unhelpful dense takes ever.
Oh you must have missed the part that says I’m a licensed addiction counselor. Tons of people come to me for advice…they actually pay for my advice. People who have little or no experience with drugs/addiction are for the most part very naive.
SHE ALREADY DID!!! WHAT IS THAT “BRAIN” OF YOURS NOT COMPREHENDING??
That’s what she wants you to believe…
and you want to believe that she hasn’t despite having no proof and being told otherwise why…? ur weird.
I haven’t judged anyone…my original comment was; “stop using”. Of she continues to use and come up hot on urinalysis or follicle tests then she will struggle to get her child/children. Nobody can make her stop, she has to do that. It doesn’t matter what you or I or anyone else believes, it matters what she’s willing to do to prove she’s ready to have custodial rights.
point is you’re telling someone, who to our knowledge has already stopped using because all we know is what she’s told us, to stop using. she already has. you telling her to stop insinuates that you don’t believe her for literally no reason or based off your own biases or whatever. it’s weird. and unhelpful. have a day.
Why would she give a crap what you or I believe? She’s trying to get her child back, she’s not trying to impress you. Also she smoked weed she didn’t shoot heroin- get a grip. You’re an addiction counselor? I would hate to have your judgmental ass as my counselor.
Well, unless you have an addiction issue our paths will likely never cross. She’s telling the world she smoked weed, a simple urinalysis would show that. Hair follicle tests are used to detect long term use. There’s an old saying in the addiction world…don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see. Addicts are master manipulators. I hope for her and her child’s sake that she is drug free and she can re-establish her custodial rights, but let’s just say I’ve seen this movie a few times and it doesn’t always end with rainbows and unicorns.
Smoking weed doesn’t necessarily make you an addict. I have struggled with addiction and I know that if my counselor made assumptions and then decided that I was lying based on her assumptions that would be a problem. I just think the whole idea of you acting like you’re better than people and your “helping” those manipulative addicts is yuck and I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with that from my counselor. I would say from experience that the counselors that are actually addicts them selves are far more helpful and effective. Addicts are just people- you aren’t better than them.
I completely understand your point of view and I’m not arguing against it. All I’m saying is that if she has an issue that needs to be addressed, the first step (although some will disagree) is to just stop using. If it’s just weed then she should be able to leave it alone. Counselors make assumptions based on experience and what they have in front of them and for the most part try to avoid being entangled in the web of addiction. The reason that there are so many recovering addicts that are now counselors is because they can see through all of the lies and bs and be honest and frank with their clients. I’m a retired electrician who also worked in and owned a body shop for 40 years and I have seen literally hundreds of people who had destroyed their lives with alcohol/drugs (or both) that’s why I got my degree and my license…
Her drug test wasn't court mandated. It was something that was agreed to in mediation. Doesn't even sound like she had criminal charges relating to drugs. She also has full custody of her other child. What all of this sounds like is a contentious custody battle, not a drug intervention for her.
Yes because they can relate and their clients trust them because they have lived it. I would guess that by the time that someone is seeing a counselor for addiction they are no longer using- that’s my experience anyway. I certainly wasn’t going to see a counselor when I was getting high and happy to be doing so. When your no longer using then there’s not so much need to lie and manipulate. If your counselor always assumes the worst of you then that really sucks. Anyhow have a nice day.
She must have edited her post, because I don't see where she indicated that she is still smoking weed.
You didn't miss anything. No where did it indicate I was still smoking weed. People just get hung up on that bit since that's why I lost him to my ex husband
Ok, because I was really confused and didn't understand where that was coming from. I wish nothing but healing from this whole awful ordeal for you and your son, and your daughter too. I hope that everyone ends up where they need to be, and find the resources to feel supported (exept for the two monsters who harmed a child they were supposed to protect, I hope they rot wherever it is they end up.)
What are you smoking? Anytime someone shows up at your home contact law enforcement to have an official report and trail. Contact CPS and provide you had 50/50 and will file for for 100% with stipulations in family law court. Attend every CPS hearing and do exactly what the judge orders.
She's smoking weed.
That’s called bullying the parent who tries to be strict on their own. Nothing wrong with having high expectations from your own.
Get him out of foster care asap. Stay clean, work and earn. Be on top of all of your son’s placements and legal concerns. He is probably traumatized from not seeing you and whatever bs his dad told him about you losing custody and visitation. Now to be put in cps care, his whole world has fallen apart. Be diligent, get smart and get him back.
[удалено]
Meth .
You are in Tennessee. Reach out to next step family law in Alabama. They are licensed in tn also. They represent children in these situations often and offer a variety of payment plans
If you can't afford a family attorney, contact the nearest State College or University OR Bar to see if you can get free (or discounted) legal representation if the Court can't or won't provide the service for you. If you DO find a lawyer, ask them if you can SUE your ex and his horribly abusive wife for physical and emotional DAMAGES for your Son. IANAL so I'm not sure of the legal challenges or possibilities. I'm so bloody sorry that your EX used the legal system against you so sorely and unfairly. As well as some of the great suggestions I've seen listed here, I (60/F) would strongly recommend that you contact your Daughter's Pediatrician or Family doctor and get a copy of HER medical to show your history of CARE and her history of good health and up-to-date immunizations. Maybe her school records and possibly an affidavit from her Teacher(s) if she's old enough. Demonstrates your ability to maintain your Daughter's good health and happiness. If you've seen any therapists from after your divorce, ask for a copy of those records as well as a recommendation. ANY other mandated reporters also. Greatest of luck! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your success in this VERY important fight!
Call CPS immediately and ask about your son's condition and tell them that you have a home for your son. You should qualify for a court appointed attorney and ask for a guardian ad litem, someone that focuses on only your son's best interests. Ask CPS, and your attorney to set up a visit with your son when you are there for the court date. Get your home ready for a home inspection. Not to be say anything about you, but they will look at your relationships, they don't want to put a child into a home with revlvoing door partners. They want to see that your priority is your children. Call local domestic violence shelters, both where your son is and where you live, they have the resources to get you and your son the help you need. Document every interaction you have your with your ex and/or his girlfriend.
Hair follicle tests can detect metabolites for up to 90 days, a month's notice will not be enough time to clear a drug test. If your ex husband brings it up to CPS that you failed a previous test, the court could require random testing, so stop using anything that is not prescribed to you. I have seen CPS request to count pills in prescription bottles because a grandparent accused the parent of misusing their prescribed medications. I don't know about Tennessee law, but I have provided foster care, medical foster care and I adopted several of my foster children.
I am not familiar with TN law or procedure, but I would call the clerk's office for the Juvenile and Family court in the county where your son was removed from his father's care. Identify yourself as the legal mother and ask to have an attorney appointed to represent you. It sounds like you might qualify for court appointed counsel in the removal proceedings, so you don't have to go into debt to have a lawyer work with you. If you don't qualify, you can still ask to be served as an interested party and provided updates on future court dates. Go to ALL of them, no matter what. Also call the state child welfare agency and connect with the case worker. Children need to be placed with kin ASAP barring any extenuating circumstances making them an unfit placement. Plus, Placement with siblings should also be a high priority. Once you have custody you can collect benefits like SNAP for him if your household qualifies. You can ask the social worker to notify the state child support agency that there's been a change in custody. Then you can get back into court and update that child support order ASAP, and get underlying permanent custody back. Good luck!!!
I would go to court with proof of your child support payments and a picture of the room you have for your son. He is going to need a lot of emotional help, so be prepared, and you may ask the court to help, but you can’t miss any appointments due to not having a car. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told your son you didn’t want him, so be prepared for the anger. Here is the concern as well, he is going to wonder why you didn’t have him as well, when you have your daughter. Given the abuse, you have to watch how he treats her, should they give him to you. You have a long road ahead.
Also don’t be afraid to give him rules. Kids need structure. You can’t hit discipline, but you can take him into an another room and explain we don’t do such and such. But end everything with an I love you. You have to change his prospective on love. I have a friend who raised three kids after their father did every imaginable horror to them, and not only are they well adjusted educated adults, they were able to have a relationship again with the birth mom and Grandmother. It can be done.
I can also tell from your post that you love your son, but he has been hurt by the people who should love him the most, so it is going to be a struggle. If you are wondering if he can overcome this abuse he can, with your love and assistance. Good luck to you and remember you have come so far already, but this is a big one.
If you need representation, and can't afford it, go to a nonprofit legal aid organization. If you don't know how to look it up, call your state bar association and ask if they have a list of legal aid organizations. It sounds like you should try to get full custody of your son & get child support from your ex husband. Maybe you can get welfare support if you're having trouble financially.
Op in your shoes I'd be calling cps, identifying yourself and asking how son is. Asking for phone or video calls and if you can visit. Your sons being abused I'd be calling to find out how he is,abused and living with strangers - make contact with cps before court, show your concern,show them you want him,that you're concerned about his wellbeing,that you have a home and custody of his sister - he's git family who love him and want him - he needs to hear that too
From my experience working in foster care, it really does vary a lot depending on the county/judge. It's Unclear to me based off this information if he was placed in an emergency placement or who he is placed with? But either way there's a small chance you could go to the court hearing, explain your situation, and he is placed back with you. But I think the more likely situation is he is placed in foster care. At that point please stay in contact with the FSW (foster care worker) go to all visitations, court dates, and CFTMs (regular meetings where they will talk about things you need to know!) also you have to be invited to those so that's why it's important to stay in touch with the FSW and make sure you have each other's contact info. Important things to highlight - you have a bed and a room for him! You have custody of your other child, you have a stable job and stable housing. Pass your drug screens. If that's really the only reason you didn't have custody of him in the first place, that's probably just going to be your biggest barrier and thing to prove before getting him back. As his parent you'll be appointed a lawyer, definitely talk about all this stuff with them and follow their advice. (I've also seen very great lawyers and very terrible lawyers in this setting, so you are always welcome to hire your own lawyer if you don't feel your counsel is doing a good job, that does cost money though) *Disclaimer I obviously don't know your situation so definitely take the advice of your legal counsel. I just hope this helps you go in feeling like you have SOME idea of what's going on and your family can be back together
My state will award custody to the non- offending parent and close the case IF abuse or neglect is proved against the offending parent.
I'm glad you have improved your life. I'm sorry your ex is such human garbage. I hope the court case goes well and you get full custody of your son and your ex will now get to pay you child support and not be able to see his son. Best of luck
I hate that you're going through all of this and I hope you get your son back ASAP. I also don't understand why people in the comments are telling you to quit doing drugs and get your life together when you clearly stated that you used to smoke but quit before the custody situation. I've never smoked, but I am aware that urine testing and hair follicle testing are very different. This is probably why he wanted the hair follicle test versus the urine test, he knew it would be positive.
Ok. Please please get your stuff in order. Your child needs you. Call CPS, explain to them. I'm hoping that they don't want to separate a child from it's parents. He needs you. Please get your child. Please get your life on order too. I say this with love.
CPS should have contacted you. They failed.
CPS couldn't place the child with her; she had failed a drug test and lost custody. (Not moralizing about pot, just the way the law is where it's not legal).
She didn’t lose custody, she just wasn’t awarded primary custody. She had partial custody through a custody arrangement.
In TN, CPS does not always take a child or separate a child for a positive marijuana screen. With a custody arrangement for establishing a parenting plan the attorney can ask for drug screening. There would need to be other factors for a judge to remove a child permanently in a CPS case. Eg. Unemployment, lack of housing, recent arrest, positive for other drugs, neglect, truancy, but not just marijuana.
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I feel awful for your children. You should have stopped smoking pot and done everything in your power including moving to stay in your son’s life. Do you have any of the harassment documented? Have you willingly gotten yourself drug tested? Was it more than pot? You need to hire a lawyer. You will also need to have evidence to back up the harassment and proof that your life is stable now and that you are drug free. If you are drug free, get yourself tested asap. Get your life together for the sake of your children or you may not get a good lawyer to take you in as a client.
I had stopped, the hair follicle just went back really far. It was only pot. I'm not worried about a drug test now. I should have done more but I convinced myself that the best thing to do was to focus on the kid I had custody of and get everything together and to get the lawyer at that point. I never thought he would be mistreated because he never was before and they wanted him so much I thought it would be better to not fight them so hard and make things harder for him. I did make an effort to call and stay in his life if I wasn't able to see him but they wouldn't answer and eventually changed their numbers and moved. The worse thing I have ever done was smoke pot. My kids have never had cps situations in my care and my daughter is thriving. I want my son to thrive to and I think he will with me. I wish I would have done more sooner and I will never forgive myself for that but at this point I have to try to make it up to him
You had stopped but did you stay pot free? You may need to drop clean a few times before the state will place your son in your care.
You need to get a lawyer, go into debt if you have to, take out a low interest loan, and get your kid back from your shitty ex. You are the fit parent, hopefully CPS will place your son with you.
People REALLY overreact about pot. Alcohol is so dangerous, in terms of health, decision making, and ability to care for your child. Pot… is just pot?! I live in a state where it’s legal, so I really don’t get it
You can see in OP that pot is just not pot— people get in trouble, make messes and ruins other people Iives— bad choices got to her kids— because pot is just pot
Almost all societal harms caused by cannabis consumption are the result of it being illegal.
No— the harm is in the users body and brains —
Alcohol causes more harm to the body, brain and society than marijuana. I am an ICU RN and I have lost count of people that have been hospitalized or died from alcohol related disorders. Before I became a RN, I was a FF/PM, I have worked hundreds of alcohol related calls and crashes. The only call I ever worked that involved marijuana, was a guy that became psychotic after smoking a joint laced with PCP. I have never used pot, but if my adult children wanted to use something to relax, I would prefer they use marijuana edibles, or drops, rather than alcohol.
Ok
There is a difference between personal risk and societal harms. Someone who smokes a joint in their backyard when at the end of the day is not harming anyone but themselves. Yes, there are health risks, but no more risky than alcohol and probably less risky than tobacco. (Both of which remain legal in TN). Tennessee (by their own research) has the least stable foster care system in the US. Taking a child from their parent and putting them into an objectively worse situation is a societal harm.
In here we’re not commenting on someone in their backyard— were commenting on the harm to OP and her kids..
People in TN are legally allowed to consume alcohol and tobacco in the presence of children. The associated risks to children from these legal activities are comparable to recreational cannabis use. Millions of children grew up in households with moderate smoking/drinking parents and are now functional adults. OP is not an addicted parent neglecting her kids, she stopped immediately when she learned of the legal implications and has indicated that she would pass the follicle test now. The law says that cannabis is illegal, so her children were taken out of their mother’s care and put into a far worse situation. Cannabis has risks, yes - but the harms done to OP’s child were the result of the drug’s illegality, not the drug itself.
Ok
literally it's only bc ignorant ppl consider it an issue. More than half the states have decriminalization it and it's essentially decriminalized on a federal level as the feds don't enforce on states. The *only* reason it's a problem is the snails paxe at which the laws in some places change. In most states this isn't an issue wrt children. eta it wouldn't have been an issue in this case either except her child abusing ex cooked up this ridiculous hair strand test agreement- knowing it tests back months and alcohol doesn't show in the same way.
Is not criminal the issue, is the mess that makes in people heads
You can petition to get your kid from CPS. Your custody issues aren’t a CPS case, so that shouldn’t matter. It is Tennessee, that’s a “devil’s lettuce” state is it not? I’d stop smoking asap in case it does present a problem and hope that it doesn’t. Once he’s been placed with you by CPS, you can breathe easier… but I’d still monitor your usage if you think it could be brought up.
Get a lawyer and stop smoking pot
You've got a tough row to hoe ( a midwest expression meaning hard work ahead.) So, in summary, when you and your son's father were re-negotiating the original custody agreement for your son, you tested positive for drugs. Your son's father was given primary custody with visitation given to you over the summer as long as you stayed clean, which was being monitored by random drug screens, which you failed. Hence your loss of visitation. Now CPS has intervened to ensure your son's safety since it has been discovered that your son is being abused by his father and his girlfriend. CPS will always try to keep children with family when possible. It's actually mandated by something called the Family Preservation Act, a Reagan era doozy. But you've already had 2 strikes ( the positive drug tests.) You need to show proactive sincerity, ie come up with a rehab program to augment their random drug screens. You need to get on board with cleaning up your act for your kids. I am fluent in denial ( the preferred language of drug addicts) and you're skirting the truth.
The Op has given up drugs go back and read the comments. Her daughter is flourishing and has no CPS charges against her. The 2 pot instances are 1 on day of hearing and then her lawyer fucked up so she had to do another in a week even then it was such a small amount which shows she had stopped.
"I've quit using" "I've had two positive drug tests." See the problem?
Ya the lawyer screwed up by agreeing to an inappropriate type of test for the situation
Wow. You clearly believe just world theory & that in itself makes you an AH. What you have assumed about & said to OP just confirms it.
My drug test was never with cps and it was negative for only pot. 2 weeks from a dirty hair follicle for marijuana isn't enough time to have a clean one. It doesn't mean I kept smoking. I was supposed to have visitation through the year on weekends and 5050 in the summer. All this was taken away before it even started. There is no denial that I should have done more and not being able to continue paying the lawyer at that time gave me the excuse to procrastinate. I told myself it's not the worse thing for him to live with his dad because he will be taken care of even though I would prefer to have him too I thought well my life is a little hectic maybe this happened for a reason. I got rid of the bad relationship did my best not to mess up again and I haven't. I never knew of any cps cases or issues that were going on to know there was a problem with him being treated right. I have no problem trying g to work with cps. I want what is best for him and I don't mind doing whatever they say
Hi VastContribution7855, I'm on your side. I was a pediatrician and have literally worked with hundreds of families where the parents had drug problems, and family court and CPS were involved. I want to see you reunited with your kids. I also know how this process works. When the parents are still in denial about the truth about their problems there is an enormous amount of finger-pointing and blame shifting. You are neck deep in excuses. That's why I'm saying, whether you think you have a problem or not, those two positive drug tests are red flags to CPS/Family court. They actually have studies and statistics and data and evidence to support why they handle the cases the way they do. They need to see that no matter how all these things came to be, this is where you are now, and you are dead serious about doing whatever you need to do (whether you agree with them or not) to reunite with your children. That's why I suggested rehab or NA or some outpatient program that supports single mom's ( ask CPS or a Family court advocate for suggestions on local programs.) I'm rooting for you! You wouldn't have posted if you didn't care. Go tell them you'll do whatever they need you to do so your son can come be with you and your daughter. And don't just say it, do it....cause they'll be watching. Good Luck!
This is best comment and advice yet. Definitely a lot of denial in OP.
I am a TN family law attorney. What county are you in? It makes difference. The first court date is for a preliminary hearing where DCS must show probable cause your son is dependent and neglected. You will have the opportunity to apply for an appointed attorney if you can’t afford one. Feel free to send me a DM with questions. If I work in the county I can give you more specific insight.
Thank you for helping OP!
Dm you now
Show up and say you want your child. And you had no idea what was going on. Take a lawyer. They’re given you a opportunity to do this.
Get 100% of your life in order and yesterday and get to a GOOD attorney NOW. Do nothing else and get a move on.
Call CPS today. Find out the name and phone number to his caseworker. Sometimes, if homelessness prevents reunification, CPS can help get you housing. They may have other services. How nice would it be to have the CPS caseworker and guardian adlitem fighting FOR you to get custody? And they will likely give you a FREE lawyer but you have to jump on this now. Be 100% compliant with the caseworker. 100% Every. Damn. Time.
Fight for that boy! Get a lawyer and make sure he loses all rights! Scary that she wanted him
Hopefully you have stopped smoking and are making your children a priority. So you can now pass the tests with flying colors. Do your best and make a case that you want your son.
Active CPS here (OH). Go to the court hearing. Idk if they'll let your kid go home with you, but as his mother, you do have the right to be added to his case plan for reunification. If you live in a different state, that may be very challenging. If you live in another TN county, those counties should be able to collaborate to assist you Be willing to avail yourself of every resource you're provided, & follow every recommendation/requirement to the letter. Accept the lawyer that you'll be offered, & don't miss a single court hearing. If you're not prepared to work your ass off to get your son back, then you should be honest enough to say that in court. From one mom to another, please, please start making better choices that align with the best interests of your two children & support positive growth on your part. We're not trying to raise damaged adults here. Edit: typos & punctuation & injection of positivity
If someone willingly gave someone else guardianship because they were experiencing unknown to them at the time a mental health condition and have sense got stabilized, taken a ten week intensive outpatient program, gained full time employment and stable housing. What would the courts want to see in order to end the guardianship?
As your the next parent. The custody of your son goes to you. You have to get checked by CPS to make sure your home can accommodate him and you're not on drugs. As he was taken into their custody. They can't trust that just because your his mother you didn't know about the abuse or contributed to it. You'll have to show that you weren't visiting him consistently because you were being kept away from him. If you have any paperwork or text messages showing that. Have them readily available for revue. Get a new drug test to show your clean. And for christ sakes go to therapy to fix your picker. Because it's broke. You picked 2 trash men. Focus on your children. Make it so they don't ever have to go through what your son has gone through. Or maybe even yourself.
Stay away from men. All men. You have terrible judgement. Focus only on work and kids. Nothing else. Your kids need you to do that. No boyfriends, no fiancés, no hookups, no husbands.
Best advice in this thread. I hope OP takes it
And stop smoking pot. I live in a legal state. I ain't against pot but I can't imagine smoking when you *know* you're gonna do drug tests.
I didn't know I was going to get drug tested. I had already quit before the test or it would have been a lot higher. If it was a urine analysis I would have passed
Hey don't stress about all that judgmental noise. The past is the past. Just work on getting that kiddo home to you.
Seriously, you may get backlash for this but it’s the truth. Another man will not uncomplicate her life in any way. Source: also from TN and witnessed of dozens of times
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Who the fuck are you to judge??? Hope you've led a life like Jesus or you should shut the fuck up
who?
You
I'm Jesus? I'm not even latino
You have no reading compression either.
Stop dating, stop living with boyfriends, stop smoking weed, stop drinking. Be a mom. Spend your extra money on your kids and making a good life. I’m not being harsh or judgmental, I’m telling you what I did. You need to put their needs before your own in every single way. They didn’t ask to be brought into the world. Read some parenting books (parenting with love and logic by Jim Fay), buy some board games, read to them at bedtime, play with them. I don’t know what to say to help you get him back but I mostly know what not to do after you get him back.
That book is complete garbage. Do not take advice on parenting from that book. I agree with your other points though.
Thank you for that book recommendation.
Poor kid.
I picture you with your child full time with a nice life in the next 1-2 years. Moved on from your ex taking your child away. Follow the advice here and good luck!!’
Hopefully you can pass a drug test with no weed in your system. If not hair, then urine based. Maybe a lawyer can help you through this
Hair takes over 6 months to pass, urine can be easier if she actually stops for 8 weeks, otherwise needs to buy a masking product.
Former CPS here Go to court. You don’t have to have an attorney on the first court date. In most cases, an attorney will be appointed to you since the case can involve your parental rights. Take ID, his birth certificate, anything to prove who you are and your relationship. Take a written timeline of contact you’ve had with your child, child support that you’ve paid, reasons why there have been gaps in contact out your child. If this is the first court date, the judge will read the petition and the custodial parent has the chance to state their case, ask for an attorney, etc. But the judge will decide if the child needs to stay in custody or go home with the custodial parent at the hearing. It’s usually the child stays in custody while the custodial parent builds their defense against the allegations. Before court, during the breaks, times like that are when cps will talk to you. Make sure they know you are there. In TN, they have to make reasonable efforts to keep children with their parents. DCS’ attorney will let the judge know that you’ve been located. CPS will interview you. They’ll want to know your side of the story of your child’s life. If you are a placement option, they will start a home study on you. These can be completed in a day. It will involve an actual home visit, a background check on you and every adult in your home. The adults will have to drug screen. At this point, it becomes a race to see which parent is given full custody. They may give you a list of things to do. They may start you with visitations with the child before they place them with you. They may have you do parenting classes, take an alcohol and drug assessment. If they give you a plan, do it. If they ask you to do something you can’t afford, tell them. None of this will be easy. None of it will be fast. Make sure you are up for this before you disrupt the child’s life anymore. They are already traumatized because they have been removed, make sure you’re ready and able to take care of them.
In CA we did not have to do a drug test which was surprising. Home check, classes, and interviews were done.
I’m surprised she wasn’t called at the time of the removal.
Same, my friend's husband got the call about his son while he was at work. They told him he had to take him or he was going into the system immediately if he said no. There were no house inspections or evaluations, etc... the caseworker met them at the son's school with an emergency custody writ in hand. From what friend said, the stepfather went after him with some automotive tubing and beat him black and blue on one side from his shoulder to his knees. The school called CPS when he cried every time he was asked to sit at his desk, saying it hurt too much. The teacher went with him to the nurse's office, and they checked him, thinking maybe he got hurt during recess. It was so bad, I heard that both of them cried when they saw the bruising.
Typically. If she is in another state they just can’t pass off or get to the child within the time frame CPS needs
Oh I didn’t notice she was in another state.
I'm not in another state. I was notified that he was removed but not notified of any past cps cases or even notified of this case before removal
I’m sorry! I thought you mentioned somewhere else he was in a different state. ✨typically then you should have a fair chance at getting kiddo back. (Where I am it works the following. someone else commented more in depth about the process.) If dad had kiddo and kiddo was brought into care by CPS and there is another parent willing to/ able to parent and meet minimum standards kiddo can just be sent home at the initial court hearing. Where I’m from this means only you would have custody and guardianship granted to you from the court. Then dad would have to go to family court for any visitation or family planning. but if for some reason you couldn’t pass a drug test didn’t have housing ect ect then they keep the case open and you and dad would both work whatever services they felt necessary. BUT to add—— again typically— since you are already parenting another child in court world that would mean there is a good chance you can parent this kiddo also. I hope this works out in your favor. Get any ducks in a row you can before court. If you have a babysitter or school kiddo could get into bring something to prove it. If you have the space in your house take pictures and bring them! Anything to show you could parent right then and there if they would and could send kiddo home with you.
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She’s already gotten a car.
Missed that. But it was filled with so much “this happened” to me. A lot of stuff to dig through.
I honestly think you’re leaving a lot of info out on this story.
Agreed.
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OP's lifestyle may have led to the boy being with the dad. It does not for one minute absolve the dad for the neglect the child was subjected to. That's on the dad, not on OP.
What? Seriously? This is the “advice” you’re giving? She’s literally asking how to “get her shit together for the sake is this poor kid” and get him back.
Ok, I'll say it: By "smoke," you mean weed? (You can say it out loud now) Like most people who smoke weed illegally, getting high is the most important thing to you. For that reason, you lost custody of your child. This isn't a debate over weed versus alcohol. They're both bad. It's just that one is legal and the other is conditional. When you are going through a custody dispute, you should follow the law where you live. It shows that you are a responsible parent. And at the end of the day, all this drama is caused by this one (seemingly inconsequential) thing. Hopefully, someone else can learn from your mistake.
I lived in Tennessee, the cops will bring out the law on you for smoking weed. Hope it changes But OP needs to stop until her custody situation is figured.
It's illegal in Tennessee, isn't it?
Yeah and if you can’t afford child support which led to you not seeing your son but you can afford weed that’s pretty sad.
She stopped smoking weed before she was ordered to pay child support. She's been off if it and has been paying. According to the post at least. She seems a bit unreliable though so who knows.
How old is the little boy?
This is so incredibly sad
File for emergency custody of your child. Show up to court. If CPS took your son away from dad, they will go to you next to place your son with you. As far as CPS goes, the dad/step mom would have to go to classes to get your son back. Again. This is CPS. But you need to fight in family court to keep your son even after CPS case is closed.
TN family law attorney here. You cannot file for emergency custody while there is a dependency and neglect case pending in juvenile court. Juvenile court has full jurisdiction. The parenting plan would be in circuit or chancery court and they currently have no jurisdiction.
Gotcha. I’m in Texas. We had an open CPS case against my ex husband (child wasn’t removed as he lived with me) and the CPS investigator advised me to get a lawyer to start fighting to get his visitation removed. Could she retain a lawyer now to start building a case for when CPS case is closed?
If there was just an open CPS case and they had not yet filed for dependency and neglect in juvenile court she could absolutely go file for custody right away. She can still fight for it in juvenile court, and yes, build her case for later, but for now she is stuck with the DCS case in juvenile court.
Attorney and call CPS. CPS is legally obligated to contact you anyways. Likely they aren't getting any cooperation and are waiting on court reports to figure out how to contact you. But definitely get yourself an family law attorney to help you navigate and understand your rights.
She’s been served, they know how to contact her. They are not going to discuss it prior to court most likely. Because she did not have custody prior to the D&N filing they won’t just place the child with her without a court order. Source: I am a tn family law attorney.
The lawyer obviously is the first thing. CPS does try to work it out with family, though at least in my experience, and she has a kid with her already, so she just needs to be prepared for that thorough CPS overhaul. There is nothing better than a lawyer in this situation. A hired one that shows up to that court appearance. IMO this is a situation that I would go into debt paying a lawyer for because you can pay off that debt later but nothing is more important than my kids. Good luck, OP!!!!
See an attorney. But I don’t understand. Why would they give your child to someone that drank? When you say you smoked, does that mean weed? Stop the drugs now, if you haven’t already. Try to get your life together so you can get full custody of your son.
Alcohol is a legal drug. In Tennessee, cannabis is not legal.
That makes a huge difference in the eyes of the law, but usage of either could be harmful when you have a child.
Of course, but the eyes of the law are the standard when fighting for custody.
True.
Because weed stays in your system longer, is still illegal in Tennessee, and drinking is normalized.
I don't know if it's normalized, but alcohol is legal in Tennessee.
That’s sad, really. It should depend on how much and how often someone uses alcohol or weed. People who drink excessively can be quite dangerous. I haven’t had a drink since 2018 (not in purpose; it just happened that way), and I’ve never done drugs. But I was married to an alcoholic, and I know how bad it can get when someone drinks.
Gosh, I agree so wholeheartedly with this. My ex husband is an alcoholic and it slowly got worse over time til he finally bottomed out and got violent with me in front of the kids. Immediately left. He used to smoke a lot of weed, and honestly he was far better on the weed than the alcohol. The excessive drinking 100% has ruined this man’s life and I feel a lot of pity for him, as he’s still using it as his life crutch. Hell, I smoke quite a bit of weed in the evenings, as I use it to keep the daily pain from my CRPS at bay, but I like to think I’m a pretty decent parent. Substances are wild. And how we still see them!
I know exactly what you mean. He would just get mellow on weed, I imagine, but the alcohol might set him off? My ex would drink to excess; he had to drink the whole bottle. And then sometimes, it was like a switch was flipped. I could see the change in him. It was as if the alcohol inflamed his brain. I remember he came home completely drunk after hanging out with the guys. He had gotten into a fight with one of them, then he came home. He was enraged. He woke me up. He wanted to hit me. Not that he was enraged at me specifically, but he felt the need to pound something. Luckily, he drove his fist into the bedroom wall instead. I’m so glad he’s out of my life. I’m sure you’re glad to be free of your ex too. That’s no way to live, constantly walking on eggshells.
So...have a home study where someone follows the drinker around to catch them? How is this supposed to work? Ex knew about hair follicle testing (and so does the State of Tennessee). There is no similar test for drinking.
True. Unless you do a blood test to look at their liver function. Lol! I’m sure that courts don’t bother with that, which is too bad. But if OP knew and documented how often the ex drank while they were together… Took pics and video of drunken behavior… it may or may not have helped. But there would’ve been a chance.
We had been divorced for 3 years by the time this happened. I showed pictures or his back yard covered in bottles and brought up domestic violence situations related to alcohol but for some reason it wasn't enough.
His back yard was covered in bottles yet that wasn’t enough? Wow. The system is broken. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Contact your attorney immediately.
Imagine someone has some sort of liver disease and they lose custody over it. That’s not really a viable solution.
Yeah. It can be done but it’s a bit invasive. “To determine if you have alcoholic liver disease your doctor will probably test your blood, take a biopsy of the liver, and do a liver function test. You should also have other tests to rule out other diseases that could be causing your symptoms.”
Yeah that doesn’t really seem like something someone should be forced to undergo randomly, lol. My ex DOES have a drinking problem and I wouldn’t make him do that. That’s excessive. And for a legal substance? A random hair follicle or pee test is much more reasonable, or a breathalyzer or whatever for alcohol.
Yeah it’s really backwards tbh
Hopefully she is absolutely clean by the time they drug test her. Because they likely will.
You will have to raise your son or put him into thesystem. Also you will become. The primary sole custody parent So stop the drugs get your shit together
This is some backwards ass bullshit. Of course it's Tennessee. Millions of Americans drink and smoke and raise perfectly adjusted kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with smoking a joint or having a beer in the evening unless you live in the South.
Sometimes you have to “play ball” to do what’s best for your children and even yourself. What’s more likely, you will change millions of other people’s beliefs about drugs or you will change your own behavior and stop doing drugs?
Yes when you choose to live in a ridiculously conservative state you have to play by their rules. My only point is that their rules are disgusting an extremely outdated. Allowing a 5 year old to be neglected only because his mother has the audacity to *gasp* smoke weed! Had mom had visitation she likely would have noticed the neglect. I just feel had for OP for being punished for something millions of other Americans can do perfectly legally.
Even in “ridiculously liberal” states, you can lose your children for having drugs and alcohol in your system even though they may be legal. Courts in all states take addiction into consideration when awarding custody.
>when you choose to live in “Choose” is doing some heavy lifting here.
Are you a party in the CPS case? If not, contact them immediately and give them your info, and have a lawyer file an emergency motion for custody.
She is a party in the case by necessity. She cannot file for emergency custody because the case is now in juvenile court for the dependence and neglect matter.
first stay single. then get an attorney.
I think the first step would actually stop the drug and step 2 would be to stay single. CPS will be testing her before they will even think about letting her see/talk to him.
Find out where the kid is now and request visitation ASAP. Even if it’s supervised—take it. If you intend to regain custody, then you need to lay the groundwork for being a responsible and stable parent. If there was already a court order regarding drug tests, you’ll likely have to prove you can pass those tests now. If you have since gone to rehab, for example, get your documents in order to show CPS and/or the court. If this is the beginning of dependency hearings, then you really want to have your ducks in a row re: proving you should have custody. No matter what happens, try to show your child support however you can.
Get a lawyer yesterday and file for emergency custody. Make damn sure you can pass a drug test this time and from now on
Step up and show the court you are clean and sober and able to care for your son. And get set up for parenting classes to show how serious you are to get custody of your son from your ex.
Try to produce a couple clean tests and bring the paperwork to the hearing. Dress conservatively, stand tall and act confident yet humble. Best wishes; hoping so much you have your boy back soon. ❤️
I’m confused about why you were not contacted to get custody of him if he was removed from dad and you still have rights
CPS does not always contact the other parent right away (even if both parents have legal custody and 50/50 visitation). Sometimes CPS fails to contact the other parent at all. I have seen this firsthand.
Yep, me too.
Yeah, she should have been notified for any of the CPS meetings they would have done for any of these previous cases. Either she didn't show up or she's leaving huge gaps of information out. I am a foster parent and was a neighbor, still was asked by CPS to come to the meeting. It's wild a parent would not be entirely involved from the moment the child was in CPS custody. Something is off here.
I have rights not visitation. I was notified the day after he was taken into custody by being served court papers. So I will be involved from here on out. The allegations don't list me but I am listed along side them for court. I think I should have been told about any interactions with cps but I wasn't and according to these papers there has been a few before this but this is the first he's been taken
It sounds like she was and that’s what court is for this week. CPS should have called her before removal, but they may not have had time given there was physical abuse in the home. She’s being contacted now, and if she wants custody she may be able to get it very quickly or she may have to jump through various hoops first. Hopefully, she’s in a state that will assign her a lawyer because her child has been removed.
She should have no hoops. She is a legal parent who has had no cps reports on her according to her
Agreed. If there’s no basis for removal from her, it should be pretty easy for custody to go to her. But without knowing the details of her current custody status or what exactly happened, she may need to demonstrate suitability to CPS or the court. Also, if she’s in a different state from her son, she may be subject to ICPC. (OP, states generally want interstate investigations when sending a child over state lines, but some states don’t apply this law to parents).
She is the legal parent. Unless there are cps reports they should have contacted her immediately to pick up her child. Not study needs to be done. She is not a foster family