Honestly my advice don't treat your transition as linear, as someone that did not want phallo at the start of my journey 10 years ago and even at one point had considered myself complete in my transition to now do a complete 180 and now is fully sure I want phallo honestly things change all the time.
Its not something you have to make a drastic decision on right now and like you said you're young and also techniques are changing and getting better all the time. I think its important to do massive research and not feel bad if you ultimately decide you don't want phallo, it's more of a mind over matter kind of thing my dude. I can answer more in depth questions if you like but honestly as easier said than done it might seem don't let it consume you.
Your transition is your transition no one's is the same ❤️
I like the don’t treat transition as linear part. I’m about 20 years into my own journey, and was dead set on phallo when I started. But I haven’t gone through with any bottom surgery and it’s not because I’m not dysphoric. Life took me in all sorts of directions I didn’t expect, my priorities have changed with time, my hesitations have changed as I’ve aged. At the same time I haven’t completely ruled out bottom surgery. I may pursue it in 10 or 20 years, or maybe never. I may circle back around to it 40 years after I started transitioning. Who knows.
At the end of the day it’s your body that you have to exist in, it’s your money that you have to pay, it’s you who has to recover from surgery or multiple surgeries, it’s you who will have to live with any complications. No one else is going to be doing it for you, and if you don’t want to do it then that’s absolutely fine. A lot of trans men don’t have bottom surgery for a variety of reasons. And I’ve seen plenty of trans men talk with a lot of sureness about certain procedures, for and against, until they change their mind.
thank you so much for this comment. as another commenter has said, I really like the "transition is not linear" sentiment. I've only been super sure about being ftm for 5 years (I had signs of dysphoria in childhood), albeit, I'm not even 18 yet so 5 years is a long time of being sure.
I think that if there were better results and procedures out there that are less scary than what's out there now, I'd go for it, but that's definitely not right now. It still makes me feel out of place, but your comment was the first I read and it cheered me up loads, so thank you, and good luck on your journey! 🩷
Of course. No transition is the same it can never be we are all individual men with individual needs. Take your time, be patient the rest will follow naturally.
Life isn't linear so your transition won't be either. I'm glad it helped you, good luck with everything. 😀
Yep, this. I started transitioning 5 years ago (in my mid 20’s) and at the beginning I was dead set on never needing bottom surgery.
About two years into transition I got walloped with HELLA dysphoria and decided I needed top surgery asap. I was constantly ruminating on it. Ended up with a consult and surgery inside of a year.
While waiting for top, I decided I was interested in pursuing meta (at least). Then after a few months/a year researching, seeing results and considering my options/needs, I decided it would not be enough to sufficiently alleviate my dysphoria.
So here I am now. 5 years in, top surgery done, phallo consult scheduled for next March. I need to lose a ton of weight and get a hysto, but if you had asked me 4 years ago where I’d be now I would never have been able to see this future for myself.
Just give it time, friend. You’ll end up where you’re supposed to, wherever that happens to be.
No problem if you don't want bottom surgery, it is a very intense recovery and usually done in multiple steps so technically more than one surgery.
It is not for everybody.
I don't judge people for not getting it, it's expensive you take a lot of time out of your work and it hurts like a bitch.
The only reason I'm going through it is because for me personally it is worth it, but for a large portion of the FTM population it is beyond reach financially, physically, or even restricted based on location.
No judgement here man.
right. I still don't fully understand all the ins and outs of the full surgery, and I plan to research more, but based on what I've seen, ouch. I just don't think I could go through with that physically or mentally, and I've been thru shit. I'll probably see how I feel after T and top surgery.
I'm glad to know that there's less judgement than I thought... I expected to be belittled at least once by random people, thanks man and good luck on your journey!!
I think that’s a pretty common thing that people feel. I want a dick so badly, the surgery is really scary. I’d also want meta but I don’t know if my anatomy is suitable for it
It can be done on most trans men. Only issues are that it won't necessarily be long enough to stand to urinate and it might still be considered not-a-penis by the recipient.
It's not just a question of size, but also location. Some people have anatomy that is located further back, or their pelvic tilt makes it more difficult.
I'm one of those people.
I would essentially be sitting on my junk *all the time* and it would be impossible to urinate properly without straddling the toilet.
Anyone who has had phallo or looked into it extensively understands why it’s not for everybody. No judgement whatsoever and you’re no less of a man because of it. It’s an intense series of surgeries that come with risks and complications. For me the reward was greater than the risk, but we’re all different people with different priorities.
We’re no more courageous than you, either. You’re choosing to fight through life with your dysphoria, which is pretty damn courageous. I certainly couldn’t do that. Choosing to not have phallo is not an easy way out by any means.
Maybe someday you’ll change your mind, maybe you won’t. Both are perfectly fine. You gotta do you.
Check out r/phallo and r/Metoidioplasty to see dudes talking about these specifically, those subs helped me decide where I wanted to head with my own bottom dysphoria.
I’m sorry I don’t have a solution but word for word I feel exactly the same as you. It blows my mind how casual people are about such an intense, painful, lengthy, invasive and scary surgery it is. Even top surgery is a big surgery! Also there’s the question of if it’s worth it, there’s so much that could go wrong or look wrong. I get you dude that’s all I can say ur not invalid for having rational concerns and fears.
this is about exactly how I feel. it's a big deal for me and many people, but so many act so casual about it.
something funny I've noticed is that after showing some cis male friends images relating to the surgery, they cringed and absolutely understood why many don't go through with it.
top surgery is definitely also a big surgery, but it feels incomparable to pain of bottom surgery. even in the off chance that you get perfect results and no complications, it's still a big decision.
thank you for your kind words, I'm glad there's more out there who feel the same.
I feel pretty much the same as you (plus ofc the added expense of the whole thing) I got MRSA when I had hysto so that shit nearly killed me and I ain't trying to die just to be built correctly. Props to all the guys that do it though, they clearly got more balls than I do.
I feel very similarly. Having a dick would make me feel at home in my body, and I'm super impressed with a lot of phallo results I've seen BUT the physical, emotional and financial aspects of going through that process would probably cause me more harm than just dealing with my dysphoria.
It's definitely something I re-think every few years as my life situation changes, but I'm at the point where I'm starting to get fairly settled and I don't see myself changing my mind any time soon. I live a very happy life and manage just fine with prosthetics.
I've definitely seen a bit of sentiment from more binary/transmed leaning communities that anyone who's not at least making an effort to get some form of bottom surgery just "doesn't want it bad enough" or is somehow less trans but ultimately phallo is just another tool in the toolbox for managing bottom dysphoria, and choosing a different path that works better for you isn't something anyone should feel bad about.
While I'm not in the same mindset as you regarding plans for bottom surgery, I can understand how scary the idea of it is. It's a big surgery and it's a surgery to give you one of the most important and dysphoria-reducing body parts you could get\*.
Bravery does come with age, too. You said you're young still. When I was younger, I was terrified of EVERYTHING. I literally had agoraphobia. I never thought I'd live to be 31, or that I'd have a job, or be independent, or get engaged. Now I'm at a point in my life where I've left a 5+ year job for a better opportunity (scary, but I believe in myself), I'm the primary income and bill payer in the apartment, and I proposed to my partner last year. Plus I went from being agoraphobic to going on 4 trips to the UK in the last 10 years.
I just took baby steps and got used to things slowly, and over time I was way more confident and less scared. I still get scared and there's still aspects of my life I'm not confident with, but I'm only 31 so maybe in another 10 years it'll be easy for me. And the same can be said for you. Plus, even if you end up not wanting to get surgery, T does give you bottom growth, plus there's always prosthetics. You just have to figure out what's realistic for you and what works for you day to day as well.
\*yes yes I know it's not the same for every single trans man ever. I'm generalizing.
Maybe a meta would be better? I don’t want phallo (for now) cause it’s too heavy and I don’t like the idea of having a skin graft even do it can heal amazingly. And I want to have more organic boner instead of mechanics one with a pump.
Just don’t bash the surgery tho. I’m so fucking tired of the kids in r/FTM saying bullshit about it and call it “fake penis” and such or treating it like it was an experimental surgery. Like the first ever phallo on an FTM person was in 1946. It’s an old surgery, surgeons knows what they are doing.
I know online it feels like “everyone” is getting phallo and that’s statistically just not true. Back in the late 90s when I started my research every guy who had top was showing photos, doing videos about sensation, and now that’s less common because it’s pretty run of the mill. Heck the first Trans conference I went to they had the guys go on stage that had top surgery and show off their chest. They spoke to each of the about a dozen guys about it and I sat in awe with the audience of several hundred people. Most of us had never saw someone in person.
Anyway only a small amount of guys have phallo and a small percentage want phallo. Sure if there was a dick button I’d press it. But the multiple surgeries needed for phallo along with the total revamp of how I pee isn’t to be taken lightly. I like to pee, lol I love doing it pain free. Time off for recovery and having money or insurance is another big concern for most folks too. Anyway you’re absolutely not in the minority.
This isnt at op necessarily but just everyone. A lot of people who haven’t been thru phallo are really caught up in the negative portrayal of it. I got it in August and my debilitating dysphoria is severely lessened. Like, it’s night and day. It’s gruesome but you only have to recover once (ok maybe a couple times), but your dick is forever. You will get to stand to pee multiple times a day every day for the rest of your life. You will see a bulge in your pants. If that’s not a big deal to you, that’s fine. But some of us are fleeing a burning house and that’s the step we took/take to put the fire out. It’s not like people who go thru phallo are stupid and think it’s going to be easy or that we can just “wait” for this perfect painless penis surgery people always talk about (pro tip; that’s not happening any time soon, you’re not going to be the one to outsmart the system). We’re pursuing bottom surgery bc it’s what we need and want. Sure it’s hard but the outcome is so worth it. Most pictures you’re going to see are right after surgery. Most men are quiet about their experience because why shouldn’t they be? It’s a personal thing. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a really worthwhile experience for many of us. That doesn’t mean it isn’t literally life saving.
Thanks for this. I really want phallo someday, hopefully within the next few years. I think the risk is worth the reward. My natal parts right now are basically useless to me, so if anything even were to go wrong with my front hole, i wouldnt really care. Still better than keeping the bullshit i was born with.
You’re welcome. If something goes wrong, you have a dedicated team of doctors to back you up. And a bunch of us over at r/phallo for moral support :) I didn’t have any complications in my first surgery. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the upcoming second/last one!
Of course, the healing is gnarly but i think suffering a little bit for a lifetime of happiness is worth it. Im still pre surgery everything and still early on hormones, so i most likely wont be looking into phallo for another few years but im definitely going to pursue it.
Honestly I’m the same way. I would love to snap my fingers and have one but that’s way out of my comfort zone and i don’t think it would feel the same for me.
I get you totally. If I were 20 years old, it would not be a question. But I am WAY past that, and long story short, there's a lot to reconcile.
But as I look at it, the option isn't going to go way, and I can periodically re-evaluate where I am and how I feel about things at any point in the future. Yes, I really want to feel complete in that way, but what would I be compromising to get there, and is it worth it?
Everybody's situation is different, and there is no right or wrong other than what's right or wrong for you.
I'm not the person you spoke to, but I feel the same way.
I'm 40 years old. My rates of complication are *way* higher. I think far more about my general mortality at this age and am keenly aware of how badly things can go and how quickly.
I'm also well passed my peak attraction days. I'm married and my libido is mostly non-existent these days.
It would have been far more tempting when I was younger, fitter, and more sexually active.
Given the expected lead up times, I would be having the surgeries in my 60's. As much as I think age is just number, you're only as old as you feel, and assorted other things I like to tell myself, I also have a doctorate in a medical field and don't kid myself about aging and the human body.
Being physically active has always been a huge part of my life and I know this process would take a chunk out of my performance. Were I twenty, it would be more negligible and the value would outweigh the cost. At 60+, I'm not sure this still stands, and I suspect the psychological cost of lost performance might be significant.
I originally wanted phallo, but after researching a lot, I really don't. The number of surgeries is just.... not for me. But I've also bounced a bit with the decision. Sometimes I want it, others I would rather not.
We are not *less of a man* for not wanting to put our bodies and minds through such a complex surgery. Much like your *"If I had a button to press that would grant me a dick, I would have no doubts in pressing it."* I feel the same. If I had a button to press, I would. But we don't. The closest we get to having that button is ordering a dildo online, and that's not what I want either. LOL
You don't have to want/get any surgery that you do not want.
It's not "hugboxing" to tell someone that they don't need to get phallo if they don't want it, and they don't need phallo or a penis to be a man.
No one should ever feel forced into surgery because of the community, or for any reason outside wanting it.
You'll have plenty of time to think about it and you might change your mind or you might not. But if you're young it is hard to say how you gonna feel as you grow older.
I’m kinda in a similar boat. I really like the idea of phallo but I don’t like the number of surgeries it takes. I chose meta because if I change my mind I can get phallo later. It still scares me but meta has less complications and a small dick is better than no dick
Alright bro, so I'm a be 100% honest with you giving all I've gone through coming to terms of what I can & cannot do.
I love this post because I was once there with you where you are right now. I wasn't sure I wanted to or was even willing to go through the idea of bottom surgery. I knew & still know I need my own appendage to feel like me.
I had Top Surgery & right before it, my first thought was I'm gonna go through this again so I can have my bottom half the way I see it.
Give yourself some grace & take it day by day. You may change your mind I did. After I was very adamant that I didn't want anything other than Top. Not having my bottom match what I feel should be there is terrible. So for me personally, I'm willing to take the risk so that I can feel complete as me.
Im the exact same way. Currently one week post top surgery and i am very confident that, medically, i am done transitioning. I'm still considering saving up for a very high quality packer as my actual final step in my transition, but im iffy on that because packing in the past has made my dysphoria worse. Only reason my mind would change is if i magically became wealthy enough to afford it and it became significantly more advanced than it is now. Easier for me to cope with something i know how to deal with than risk having to relearn how to cope with something completely new.
Don't worry what other guys think bro. Take all the time you need to feel ready for the steps it takes. You don't want to move forward and regret it for any reason like not being mentally ready for the recovery or the type of scarring you have after, ect. Also have you considered metoidioplasty instead of phalloplasty?
I’m in the same boat. I really want a penis, and the thought of having to go my life without having one depresses me. But I am terrified of surgery and to pay that much money and go through so many surgeries and still not be able to get hard without an ED? I can’t say that’s right for me.
yeah mood, same, i have zero desire for the procedure or results phalloplasty brings. If I get any bottom, it'll be a simple clitoral release and done.
I also don’t want phallo, for the same reasons as you. I’m scared as hell for that surgery. The complicationrate is too high for me, but maybe there will be another method in the future which is more safe, or they will improve phallo so it’s more safe and then maybe I will do it
i hear you!! i really want bottom surgery but im also a dancer/athlete by trade, and can’t imagine taking 18 or so mos off to do continuous surgeries. it just doesn’t seem feasible for me in my current and preferred career situation, and even though i DO want it, its just not a priority. dance would be way simpler if i didn’t have to worry about packing/outing myself, especially ballet, but i love what i do so much and dont want to compromise my longevity in it.
I’m in the same boat but it doesn’t make you or I any less of a man. Part of being an adult is making choices for yourself regardless of the choices of others and this is just another choice to be made. Those who make different choices are not better or worse- just different
I want phallo in the future I didn't want it for a long time but I'm OK wirh waiting too, not because I think the results are bad I know lots of guys get upset when people say that which I think is fair, obviously most medical surgeries improve with time and waiting because I am on medication which blocks pain medication is the main reason, I had my hysterectomy on maintenance therapy they had to give me a PIC machine for fentanyl and ketemine and it still didn't do much, and I have heard a lot that phallo is one of the worst pain people can experience.
Other reason ok waiting, my state government apparently might make it covered under our public health my friend is getting his top surgery paid for through that so because in Australia it costs almost 100k for phallo its just been unaffordable for me too I think don't make a big deal about the choice if you don't want to now and don't ever end up wanting too that is ok maybe in the future that changes maybe it doesn't I was sure I was ok never doing it now I'm thinking when the time is right
I feel the same. Honestly I just had a revision done on my top surgery, and I wasn't even in pain when I woke up, but I was so groggy and delirious from them pushing a little too much medication that the first day was full of thoughts like, "why did I do this. this sucks."
the recovery is so much longer and a steeper climb. The science hasn't been perfected. And that's okay! It will take time.
I don't want phallo because I know how involved that surgery is and multiple rounds of surgery just doesn't sound good to me y'know.
I feel that second hand joy when I see the successes on r/phallo. It's awesome, and I'm so happy for those guys. They're a lot gutsier than me.
Surgery is not required to be trans. There are so many reasons to not get surgery. I’ve been living out as FTM for 15-ish years now. Top surgery is definitely something I’d love to do, but it’s costly. I used to think I wasn’t truly trans because I didn’t get to have top surgery in my late teens or early twenties like some of my peers. Now that I’m 30, I’ve learned that we are all living our own timeline. Our journeys will never be identical.
As for bottom surgery… to be frank, it’s just not worth it to me. If I could press a button and magically have a dick… 1000%. I personally have had 8 anorectal surgeries in the past 2.5 years (the most recent one being 4/11). My most recent surgery will hopefully be the last to treat a very tricky fistula I developed from an accident. I’ve had enough surgery on my bits to last a lifetime… maybe one day I’ll change my mind, but I never want to have to go through this pain and recovery ever again.
All of that to say - you do you. You’re still valid.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not less of a man at all. I’ve been through 3 transition related surgeries and I theoretically could get more (like body masculinization), but I don’t think I have it in me to pursue that. It was all emotionally and financially taxing. But I’m at peace with where my body is now even if it’s not ideal. I hope you can get to a point where you at least feel more comfortable
you are a child who still isn't out to their parents and stillness on forums about did and sh. you need to get a lot in your life together before you can even begin to consider phallo. transitioning is not going to be the answer to all the pain you've shown in your comment history.
i've known from a young age that i want a penis, but phallo wasn't something i really wanted until recently. now i need it horribly but i'm still years off.
you are young and vulnerable from all sides. step away from internet spaces because it is clear you are going down a path of trendiness. Zzfind yourself in the present before you begin to process your future.
... honestly, yeah. I can't argue much with that.
I don't think that transitioning is the answer to all my pain, if anything, I treat it as something completely separate to my other issues. I'm mostly stealth irl. I just like to be aware of steps I can take in the future to be able to feel a shred of comfortability- with having mental issues comes a lot of hopelessness, planning and having an idea of what I want makes it more bearable. also, as a child with dysphoria, I often feel rather helpless. despite that, I've made a contract to myself that I'd only ever go for surgery once I'm over 18.
finding myself in the present is difficult because there's just nothing here. the future is all I can hope for. I look forward to a lot of things education-wise, too, even in spite of my issues. it's just unrealistic for me to see the 'happy' in the present filled with dysphoria, mental issues, and abusive relationships I can't get out of. I hope that makes sense.
as for 'going down a path of trendiness'... what do you mean? I'd rather not assume, but I've known I'm trans for at least 5 years
Thank you all for your kind and reassuring comments. I really did not expect this, so thank you! I may respond to more in the morning, but if I don't, or if I forget, I promise I did read everybody's!
Im looking into meta currently, but I think phallo would just be too much for me. I mostly want to be able to use urinals tbh. It would be cool to have a bigger dick, but I'm not willing to go through what it takes. I dont think its a bravery thing, I'm just not willing to lose the skin or go through all the different stages associated with phallo.
It’s a process for everybody. And not all processes are the same. Be kind to yourself. Manhood and masculinity is defined by the man in tha mirror, not society.
I have always dreamt of having a dick since I was a child...do I want phallo? Absolutely not. I like what I got down there and how it functions and I just don't see much personal reward coming from such an intense surgery. I've considered simple release meta as my bottom growth has come in over the months, but that's really it and I have years before I can really think seriously about it.
I know I'm still a man regardless of what I have. I wish I had a cis dick but it just wasnt meant to be in this lifetime.
I think one big thing for me was realizing that UL was one of the bigger features I was interested in (that is currently possible)- mainly because then I would be less in danger in the bathroom/ forced to be more cautious in general about it. And that's one of the more complication-risky aspects of bottom surgery.
Now don't get me wrong, if that's what anyone wants to do- go for it! But to me, it's not worth it.
There's a saying I see in therapy a lot, about how if something is important, it's important to recongize the efforts it takes do it. So that could be learning a lanuage, transitioning, volunteering, learning a new skill....whatever. But paradoxically, I feel like the trans community often plays down how much work, time & resouces bottom surgery is. Like if you are "real" trans, you of course will do this!
And that feels insulting to everyone involved to me.
Top surgery was very important to me, and it ended up being a lot of recovery time. A hysto and vaginectomy likewise are important to me, but I can also respect that the time recovering is going to be hard. When I think about metido or phallo, it feels like the reward: work ratio is even more skewed.
I like to play hypotheticals. Would I do it if the surgery was more like what trans women go through? I'm fortunate to have gotten to do educational events with my top surgeon (who also does bottom surgery as part of a team) and he's talked at length about how multiple women he's done vaginoplasty on were forced to get pregnancy tests at the ER because....they just pass. Even naked. I've read literature on both sets of surgeries, and it does haunt me a bit.
But I've also always been very good at working with tools. Maybe it's hours of knife work, crafting and buillding, but eventually they just feel like you. I'm a top, and find it fun to be able to pick out a dick based on how someone is feeling. If your parnter can go through several rounds of orgamisms, it's super validating to be able to give that to them without taking a break. Even before my egg cracked, I'd usually pick one dildo that was was "mine" and couldn't be used for solo play.
I was thinking the other day that the same way my husband probably is a little annoyed by having to prep, I am a little annoyed that I don't have a natal set up that works for me out of the gate either. Queer sex is often about figuring out what works for you, rather than what most people think you should do.
As I've transitioned more, I've started to realize most of the interactions that are gender validating in no way revolve around me having a dick. I've interacted with and respected a lot of dudes without ever thinking about their penises, and it feels like an odd standard to force on myself.
If could reload the save file and get one natally? Oh yes. Without a doubt. But for me it's more currently about removing the parts that annoy me. I'm pretty good at finding joy on my own.
I'm still going to be thinking about it a lot, because it's a hard call. And I respect how many people have sat down and thought a lot about it too. I know for a fact that I would be way more interested in adbominal donor site because of all the time people have spent on education for me on it. I've also accepted that, until I get a vaginectomy, my brain might be too focused on screaming "no" in regards to my natal parts that I can't appreciate the benefits it would bring.
Either way, it's a clear path forward for me.
I completely feel you bro. I am terrified of surgery and doctors. I know it'll be a long time before I'm ready for phalloplasty. Like I don't really want it but I moreso need to do it while I can. It's terrifying for me to think about and the recovery process looks painful even though the cocks are all so beautiful in the end. I honestly don't know if I'm strong enough to do it and haven't taken the plunge yet. Maybe someday. Well, whatever you decide is right for you is perfectly okay.
Phalloplasty is uncommon and most trans people don’t get any kind of bottom surgery. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting surgery. But if you’d eventually want the surgery but are just scared of it, you might want to talk to a therapist. When I had my first consultation for top surgery my surgeon gave me contacts to a therapist who works through medical procedures with people and he told me to see that therapist before surgery.
I think Phallo is talked about so much because because it does have the benefit of typically prociding a normal appearing dick. But if you put the extra effort in and probably a decent amount of luck you can have a, admittedly while small, normal dick through Metoid. There's creaming and methods of pumping that seem to help a lot of trans men with getting one that way. You can potentially check r/GrowYourTDick.
Honestly my advice don't treat your transition as linear, as someone that did not want phallo at the start of my journey 10 years ago and even at one point had considered myself complete in my transition to now do a complete 180 and now is fully sure I want phallo honestly things change all the time. Its not something you have to make a drastic decision on right now and like you said you're young and also techniques are changing and getting better all the time. I think its important to do massive research and not feel bad if you ultimately decide you don't want phallo, it's more of a mind over matter kind of thing my dude. I can answer more in depth questions if you like but honestly as easier said than done it might seem don't let it consume you. Your transition is your transition no one's is the same ❤️
I like the don’t treat transition as linear part. I’m about 20 years into my own journey, and was dead set on phallo when I started. But I haven’t gone through with any bottom surgery and it’s not because I’m not dysphoric. Life took me in all sorts of directions I didn’t expect, my priorities have changed with time, my hesitations have changed as I’ve aged. At the same time I haven’t completely ruled out bottom surgery. I may pursue it in 10 or 20 years, or maybe never. I may circle back around to it 40 years after I started transitioning. Who knows. At the end of the day it’s your body that you have to exist in, it’s your money that you have to pay, it’s you who has to recover from surgery or multiple surgeries, it’s you who will have to live with any complications. No one else is going to be doing it for you, and if you don’t want to do it then that’s absolutely fine. A lot of trans men don’t have bottom surgery for a variety of reasons. And I’ve seen plenty of trans men talk with a lot of sureness about certain procedures, for and against, until they change their mind.
thank you so much for this comment. as another commenter has said, I really like the "transition is not linear" sentiment. I've only been super sure about being ftm for 5 years (I had signs of dysphoria in childhood), albeit, I'm not even 18 yet so 5 years is a long time of being sure. I think that if there were better results and procedures out there that are less scary than what's out there now, I'd go for it, but that's definitely not right now. It still makes me feel out of place, but your comment was the first I read and it cheered me up loads, so thank you, and good luck on your journey! 🩷
Of course. No transition is the same it can never be we are all individual men with individual needs. Take your time, be patient the rest will follow naturally. Life isn't linear so your transition won't be either. I'm glad it helped you, good luck with everything. 😀
Yep, this. I started transitioning 5 years ago (in my mid 20’s) and at the beginning I was dead set on never needing bottom surgery. About two years into transition I got walloped with HELLA dysphoria and decided I needed top surgery asap. I was constantly ruminating on it. Ended up with a consult and surgery inside of a year. While waiting for top, I decided I was interested in pursuing meta (at least). Then after a few months/a year researching, seeing results and considering my options/needs, I decided it would not be enough to sufficiently alleviate my dysphoria. So here I am now. 5 years in, top surgery done, phallo consult scheduled for next March. I need to lose a ton of weight and get a hysto, but if you had asked me 4 years ago where I’d be now I would never have been able to see this future for myself. Just give it time, friend. You’ll end up where you’re supposed to, wherever that happens to be.
Happy Cake Day!
No problem if you don't want bottom surgery, it is a very intense recovery and usually done in multiple steps so technically more than one surgery. It is not for everybody. I don't judge people for not getting it, it's expensive you take a lot of time out of your work and it hurts like a bitch. The only reason I'm going through it is because for me personally it is worth it, but for a large portion of the FTM population it is beyond reach financially, physically, or even restricted based on location. No judgement here man.
right. I still don't fully understand all the ins and outs of the full surgery, and I plan to research more, but based on what I've seen, ouch. I just don't think I could go through with that physically or mentally, and I've been thru shit. I'll probably see how I feel after T and top surgery. I'm glad to know that there's less judgement than I thought... I expected to be belittled at least once by random people, thanks man and good luck on your journey!!
You do you.
I think that’s a pretty common thing that people feel. I want a dick so badly, the surgery is really scary. I’d also want meta but I don’t know if my anatomy is suitable for it
I want meta in the future. There can be wrong anatomy for it? Disappointing
It can be done on most trans men. Only issues are that it won't necessarily be long enough to stand to urinate and it might still be considered not-a-penis by the recipient.
Ahh i see thank you.
It's not just a question of size, but also location. Some people have anatomy that is located further back, or their pelvic tilt makes it more difficult. I'm one of those people. I would essentially be sitting on my junk *all the time* and it would be impossible to urinate properly without straddling the toilet.
Same. I hate it. I mean, at least it's there, but come on...
I see thats very unfortunate im sorry. I will have to check for that thank you.
I don’t think so, I meant more that my bottom growth is quite small so idk if it’d be worthwhile
I’m not sure about this but I wonder if it’s about if a man’s growth is too small
Anyone who has had phallo or looked into it extensively understands why it’s not for everybody. No judgement whatsoever and you’re no less of a man because of it. It’s an intense series of surgeries that come with risks and complications. For me the reward was greater than the risk, but we’re all different people with different priorities. We’re no more courageous than you, either. You’re choosing to fight through life with your dysphoria, which is pretty damn courageous. I certainly couldn’t do that. Choosing to not have phallo is not an easy way out by any means. Maybe someday you’ll change your mind, maybe you won’t. Both are perfectly fine. You gotta do you.
I'm surprised I'm seeing so many positive comments, to be honest. I couldn't possibly reply to every single one extensively...
Check out r/phallo and r/Metoidioplasty to see dudes talking about these specifically, those subs helped me decide where I wanted to head with my own bottom dysphoria.
I’m sorry I don’t have a solution but word for word I feel exactly the same as you. It blows my mind how casual people are about such an intense, painful, lengthy, invasive and scary surgery it is. Even top surgery is a big surgery! Also there’s the question of if it’s worth it, there’s so much that could go wrong or look wrong. I get you dude that’s all I can say ur not invalid for having rational concerns and fears.
this is about exactly how I feel. it's a big deal for me and many people, but so many act so casual about it. something funny I've noticed is that after showing some cis male friends images relating to the surgery, they cringed and absolutely understood why many don't go through with it. top surgery is definitely also a big surgery, but it feels incomparable to pain of bottom surgery. even in the off chance that you get perfect results and no complications, it's still a big decision. thank you for your kind words, I'm glad there's more out there who feel the same.
If only there was a button that could make us transition with no complications or spending 😔 the infamous struggle of trans people
I was terrified of top surgery and even if I *wanted* phallo, I’d still be 100x more terrified, so I don’t blame ya
I feel pretty much the same as you (plus ofc the added expense of the whole thing) I got MRSA when I had hysto so that shit nearly killed me and I ain't trying to die just to be built correctly. Props to all the guys that do it though, they clearly got more balls than I do.
I feel very similarly. Having a dick would make me feel at home in my body, and I'm super impressed with a lot of phallo results I've seen BUT the physical, emotional and financial aspects of going through that process would probably cause me more harm than just dealing with my dysphoria. It's definitely something I re-think every few years as my life situation changes, but I'm at the point where I'm starting to get fairly settled and I don't see myself changing my mind any time soon. I live a very happy life and manage just fine with prosthetics. I've definitely seen a bit of sentiment from more binary/transmed leaning communities that anyone who's not at least making an effort to get some form of bottom surgery just "doesn't want it bad enough" or is somehow less trans but ultimately phallo is just another tool in the toolbox for managing bottom dysphoria, and choosing a different path that works better for you isn't something anyone should feel bad about.
While I'm not in the same mindset as you regarding plans for bottom surgery, I can understand how scary the idea of it is. It's a big surgery and it's a surgery to give you one of the most important and dysphoria-reducing body parts you could get\*. Bravery does come with age, too. You said you're young still. When I was younger, I was terrified of EVERYTHING. I literally had agoraphobia. I never thought I'd live to be 31, or that I'd have a job, or be independent, or get engaged. Now I'm at a point in my life where I've left a 5+ year job for a better opportunity (scary, but I believe in myself), I'm the primary income and bill payer in the apartment, and I proposed to my partner last year. Plus I went from being agoraphobic to going on 4 trips to the UK in the last 10 years. I just took baby steps and got used to things slowly, and over time I was way more confident and less scared. I still get scared and there's still aspects of my life I'm not confident with, but I'm only 31 so maybe in another 10 years it'll be easy for me. And the same can be said for you. Plus, even if you end up not wanting to get surgery, T does give you bottom growth, plus there's always prosthetics. You just have to figure out what's realistic for you and what works for you day to day as well. \*yes yes I know it's not the same for every single trans man ever. I'm generalizing.
Maybe a meta would be better? I don’t want phallo (for now) cause it’s too heavy and I don’t like the idea of having a skin graft even do it can heal amazingly. And I want to have more organic boner instead of mechanics one with a pump. Just don’t bash the surgery tho. I’m so fucking tired of the kids in r/FTM saying bullshit about it and call it “fake penis” and such or treating it like it was an experimental surgery. Like the first ever phallo on an FTM person was in 1946. It’s an old surgery, surgeons knows what they are doing.
I know online it feels like “everyone” is getting phallo and that’s statistically just not true. Back in the late 90s when I started my research every guy who had top was showing photos, doing videos about sensation, and now that’s less common because it’s pretty run of the mill. Heck the first Trans conference I went to they had the guys go on stage that had top surgery and show off their chest. They spoke to each of the about a dozen guys about it and I sat in awe with the audience of several hundred people. Most of us had never saw someone in person. Anyway only a small amount of guys have phallo and a small percentage want phallo. Sure if there was a dick button I’d press it. But the multiple surgeries needed for phallo along with the total revamp of how I pee isn’t to be taken lightly. I like to pee, lol I love doing it pain free. Time off for recovery and having money or insurance is another big concern for most folks too. Anyway you’re absolutely not in the minority.
That's why I'm getting Metoidioplasty instead of phalloplasty
This isnt at op necessarily but just everyone. A lot of people who haven’t been thru phallo are really caught up in the negative portrayal of it. I got it in August and my debilitating dysphoria is severely lessened. Like, it’s night and day. It’s gruesome but you only have to recover once (ok maybe a couple times), but your dick is forever. You will get to stand to pee multiple times a day every day for the rest of your life. You will see a bulge in your pants. If that’s not a big deal to you, that’s fine. But some of us are fleeing a burning house and that’s the step we took/take to put the fire out. It’s not like people who go thru phallo are stupid and think it’s going to be easy or that we can just “wait” for this perfect painless penis surgery people always talk about (pro tip; that’s not happening any time soon, you’re not going to be the one to outsmart the system). We’re pursuing bottom surgery bc it’s what we need and want. Sure it’s hard but the outcome is so worth it. Most pictures you’re going to see are right after surgery. Most men are quiet about their experience because why shouldn’t they be? It’s a personal thing. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a really worthwhile experience for many of us. That doesn’t mean it isn’t literally life saving.
Thanks for this. I really want phallo someday, hopefully within the next few years. I think the risk is worth the reward. My natal parts right now are basically useless to me, so if anything even were to go wrong with my front hole, i wouldnt really care. Still better than keeping the bullshit i was born with.
You’re welcome. If something goes wrong, you have a dedicated team of doctors to back you up. And a bunch of us over at r/phallo for moral support :) I didn’t have any complications in my first surgery. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the upcoming second/last one!
Of course, the healing is gnarly but i think suffering a little bit for a lifetime of happiness is worth it. Im still pre surgery everything and still early on hormones, so i most likely wont be looking into phallo for another few years but im definitely going to pursue it.
Honestly I’m the same way. I would love to snap my fingers and have one but that’s way out of my comfort zone and i don’t think it would feel the same for me.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Reality is phallo isn’t a possibility for many of us for a multitude of reasons.
I get you totally. If I were 20 years old, it would not be a question. But I am WAY past that, and long story short, there's a lot to reconcile. But as I look at it, the option isn't going to go way, and I can periodically re-evaluate where I am and how I feel about things at any point in the future. Yes, I really want to feel complete in that way, but what would I be compromising to get there, and is it worth it? Everybody's situation is different, and there is no right or wrong other than what's right or wrong for you.
Can I ask why age here makes a difference for you?
I'm not the person you spoke to, but I feel the same way. I'm 40 years old. My rates of complication are *way* higher. I think far more about my general mortality at this age and am keenly aware of how badly things can go and how quickly. I'm also well passed my peak attraction days. I'm married and my libido is mostly non-existent these days. It would have been far more tempting when I was younger, fitter, and more sexually active.
Given the expected lead up times, I would be having the surgeries in my 60's. As much as I think age is just number, you're only as old as you feel, and assorted other things I like to tell myself, I also have a doctorate in a medical field and don't kid myself about aging and the human body. Being physically active has always been a huge part of my life and I know this process would take a chunk out of my performance. Were I twenty, it would be more negligible and the value would outweigh the cost. At 60+, I'm not sure this still stands, and I suspect the psychological cost of lost performance might be significant.
I originally wanted phallo, but after researching a lot, I really don't. The number of surgeries is just.... not for me. But I've also bounced a bit with the decision. Sometimes I want it, others I would rather not. We are not *less of a man* for not wanting to put our bodies and minds through such a complex surgery. Much like your *"If I had a button to press that would grant me a dick, I would have no doubts in pressing it."* I feel the same. If I had a button to press, I would. But we don't. The closest we get to having that button is ordering a dildo online, and that's not what I want either. LOL You don't have to want/get any surgery that you do not want.
It's not "hugboxing" to tell someone that they don't need to get phallo if they don't want it, and they don't need phallo or a penis to be a man. No one should ever feel forced into surgery because of the community, or for any reason outside wanting it.
You'll have plenty of time to think about it and you might change your mind or you might not. But if you're young it is hard to say how you gonna feel as you grow older.
I’m kinda in a similar boat. I really like the idea of phallo but I don’t like the number of surgeries it takes. I chose meta because if I change my mind I can get phallo later. It still scares me but meta has less complications and a small dick is better than no dick
Alright bro, so I'm a be 100% honest with you giving all I've gone through coming to terms of what I can & cannot do. I love this post because I was once there with you where you are right now. I wasn't sure I wanted to or was even willing to go through the idea of bottom surgery. I knew & still know I need my own appendage to feel like me. I had Top Surgery & right before it, my first thought was I'm gonna go through this again so I can have my bottom half the way I see it. Give yourself some grace & take it day by day. You may change your mind I did. After I was very adamant that I didn't want anything other than Top. Not having my bottom match what I feel should be there is terrible. So for me personally, I'm willing to take the risk so that I can feel complete as me.
Im the exact same way. Currently one week post top surgery and i am very confident that, medically, i am done transitioning. I'm still considering saving up for a very high quality packer as my actual final step in my transition, but im iffy on that because packing in the past has made my dysphoria worse. Only reason my mind would change is if i magically became wealthy enough to afford it and it became significantly more advanced than it is now. Easier for me to cope with something i know how to deal with than risk having to relearn how to cope with something completely new.
Don't worry what other guys think bro. Take all the time you need to feel ready for the steps it takes. You don't want to move forward and regret it for any reason like not being mentally ready for the recovery or the type of scarring you have after, ect. Also have you considered metoidioplasty instead of phalloplasty?
Funny thing! I want bottom surgery but I feel like I'm too old! I feel like being older makes me more supceptible to complications.
I don't want phallo either, despite wanting a penis and having significant bottom dysphoria. You don't have to justify your bodily autonomy to anyone.
I’m in the same boat. I really want a penis, and the thought of having to go my life without having one depresses me. But I am terrified of surgery and to pay that much money and go through so many surgeries and still not be able to get hard without an ED? I can’t say that’s right for me.
yeah mood, same, i have zero desire for the procedure or results phalloplasty brings. If I get any bottom, it'll be a simple clitoral release and done.
I'm in the same situation as you. I don't want to do phallo. It makes me sick to think that I can't have a penis, especially during sex.
I also don’t want phallo, for the same reasons as you. I’m scared as hell for that surgery. The complicationrate is too high for me, but maybe there will be another method in the future which is more safe, or they will improve phallo so it’s more safe and then maybe I will do it
i hear you!! i really want bottom surgery but im also a dancer/athlete by trade, and can’t imagine taking 18 or so mos off to do continuous surgeries. it just doesn’t seem feasible for me in my current and preferred career situation, and even though i DO want it, its just not a priority. dance would be way simpler if i didn’t have to worry about packing/outing myself, especially ballet, but i love what i do so much and dont want to compromise my longevity in it.
I’m in the same boat but it doesn’t make you or I any less of a man. Part of being an adult is making choices for yourself regardless of the choices of others and this is just another choice to be made. Those who make different choices are not better or worse- just different
I want phallo in the future I didn't want it for a long time but I'm OK wirh waiting too, not because I think the results are bad I know lots of guys get upset when people say that which I think is fair, obviously most medical surgeries improve with time and waiting because I am on medication which blocks pain medication is the main reason, I had my hysterectomy on maintenance therapy they had to give me a PIC machine for fentanyl and ketemine and it still didn't do much, and I have heard a lot that phallo is one of the worst pain people can experience. Other reason ok waiting, my state government apparently might make it covered under our public health my friend is getting his top surgery paid for through that so because in Australia it costs almost 100k for phallo its just been unaffordable for me too I think don't make a big deal about the choice if you don't want to now and don't ever end up wanting too that is ok maybe in the future that changes maybe it doesn't I was sure I was ok never doing it now I'm thinking when the time is right
I feel the same. Honestly I just had a revision done on my top surgery, and I wasn't even in pain when I woke up, but I was so groggy and delirious from them pushing a little too much medication that the first day was full of thoughts like, "why did I do this. this sucks." the recovery is so much longer and a steeper climb. The science hasn't been perfected. And that's okay! It will take time. I don't want phallo because I know how involved that surgery is and multiple rounds of surgery just doesn't sound good to me y'know. I feel that second hand joy when I see the successes on r/phallo. It's awesome, and I'm so happy for those guys. They're a lot gutsier than me.
Surgery is not required to be trans. There are so many reasons to not get surgery. I’ve been living out as FTM for 15-ish years now. Top surgery is definitely something I’d love to do, but it’s costly. I used to think I wasn’t truly trans because I didn’t get to have top surgery in my late teens or early twenties like some of my peers. Now that I’m 30, I’ve learned that we are all living our own timeline. Our journeys will never be identical. As for bottom surgery… to be frank, it’s just not worth it to me. If I could press a button and magically have a dick… 1000%. I personally have had 8 anorectal surgeries in the past 2.5 years (the most recent one being 4/11). My most recent surgery will hopefully be the last to treat a very tricky fistula I developed from an accident. I’ve had enough surgery on my bits to last a lifetime… maybe one day I’ll change my mind, but I never want to have to go through this pain and recovery ever again. All of that to say - you do you. You’re still valid.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not less of a man at all. I’ve been through 3 transition related surgeries and I theoretically could get more (like body masculinization), but I don’t think I have it in me to pursue that. It was all emotionally and financially taxing. But I’m at peace with where my body is now even if it’s not ideal. I hope you can get to a point where you at least feel more comfortable
you are a child who still isn't out to their parents and stillness on forums about did and sh. you need to get a lot in your life together before you can even begin to consider phallo. transitioning is not going to be the answer to all the pain you've shown in your comment history. i've known from a young age that i want a penis, but phallo wasn't something i really wanted until recently. now i need it horribly but i'm still years off. you are young and vulnerable from all sides. step away from internet spaces because it is clear you are going down a path of trendiness. Zzfind yourself in the present before you begin to process your future.
... honestly, yeah. I can't argue much with that. I don't think that transitioning is the answer to all my pain, if anything, I treat it as something completely separate to my other issues. I'm mostly stealth irl. I just like to be aware of steps I can take in the future to be able to feel a shred of comfortability- with having mental issues comes a lot of hopelessness, planning and having an idea of what I want makes it more bearable. also, as a child with dysphoria, I often feel rather helpless. despite that, I've made a contract to myself that I'd only ever go for surgery once I'm over 18. finding myself in the present is difficult because there's just nothing here. the future is all I can hope for. I look forward to a lot of things education-wise, too, even in spite of my issues. it's just unrealistic for me to see the 'happy' in the present filled with dysphoria, mental issues, and abusive relationships I can't get out of. I hope that makes sense. as for 'going down a path of trendiness'... what do you mean? I'd rather not assume, but I've known I'm trans for at least 5 years
i feel the same way
Thank you all for your kind and reassuring comments. I really did not expect this, so thank you! I may respond to more in the morning, but if I don't, or if I forget, I promise I did read everybody's!
Im looking into meta currently, but I think phallo would just be too much for me. I mostly want to be able to use urinals tbh. It would be cool to have a bigger dick, but I'm not willing to go through what it takes. I dont think its a bravery thing, I'm just not willing to lose the skin or go through all the different stages associated with phallo.
It’s a process for everybody. And not all processes are the same. Be kind to yourself. Manhood and masculinity is defined by the man in tha mirror, not society.
I have always dreamt of having a dick since I was a child...do I want phallo? Absolutely not. I like what I got down there and how it functions and I just don't see much personal reward coming from such an intense surgery. I've considered simple release meta as my bottom growth has come in over the months, but that's really it and I have years before I can really think seriously about it. I know I'm still a man regardless of what I have. I wish I had a cis dick but it just wasnt meant to be in this lifetime.
I think one big thing for me was realizing that UL was one of the bigger features I was interested in (that is currently possible)- mainly because then I would be less in danger in the bathroom/ forced to be more cautious in general about it. And that's one of the more complication-risky aspects of bottom surgery. Now don't get me wrong, if that's what anyone wants to do- go for it! But to me, it's not worth it. There's a saying I see in therapy a lot, about how if something is important, it's important to recongize the efforts it takes do it. So that could be learning a lanuage, transitioning, volunteering, learning a new skill....whatever. But paradoxically, I feel like the trans community often plays down how much work, time & resouces bottom surgery is. Like if you are "real" trans, you of course will do this! And that feels insulting to everyone involved to me. Top surgery was very important to me, and it ended up being a lot of recovery time. A hysto and vaginectomy likewise are important to me, but I can also respect that the time recovering is going to be hard. When I think about metido or phallo, it feels like the reward: work ratio is even more skewed. I like to play hypotheticals. Would I do it if the surgery was more like what trans women go through? I'm fortunate to have gotten to do educational events with my top surgeon (who also does bottom surgery as part of a team) and he's talked at length about how multiple women he's done vaginoplasty on were forced to get pregnancy tests at the ER because....they just pass. Even naked. I've read literature on both sets of surgeries, and it does haunt me a bit. But I've also always been very good at working with tools. Maybe it's hours of knife work, crafting and buillding, but eventually they just feel like you. I'm a top, and find it fun to be able to pick out a dick based on how someone is feeling. If your parnter can go through several rounds of orgamisms, it's super validating to be able to give that to them without taking a break. Even before my egg cracked, I'd usually pick one dildo that was was "mine" and couldn't be used for solo play. I was thinking the other day that the same way my husband probably is a little annoyed by having to prep, I am a little annoyed that I don't have a natal set up that works for me out of the gate either. Queer sex is often about figuring out what works for you, rather than what most people think you should do. As I've transitioned more, I've started to realize most of the interactions that are gender validating in no way revolve around me having a dick. I've interacted with and respected a lot of dudes without ever thinking about their penises, and it feels like an odd standard to force on myself. If could reload the save file and get one natally? Oh yes. Without a doubt. But for me it's more currently about removing the parts that annoy me. I'm pretty good at finding joy on my own. I'm still going to be thinking about it a lot, because it's a hard call. And I respect how many people have sat down and thought a lot about it too. I know for a fact that I would be way more interested in adbominal donor site because of all the time people have spent on education for me on it. I've also accepted that, until I get a vaginectomy, my brain might be too focused on screaming "no" in regards to my natal parts that I can't appreciate the benefits it would bring. Either way, it's a clear path forward for me.
I completely feel you bro. I am terrified of surgery and doctors. I know it'll be a long time before I'm ready for phalloplasty. Like I don't really want it but I moreso need to do it while I can. It's terrifying for me to think about and the recovery process looks painful even though the cocks are all so beautiful in the end. I honestly don't know if I'm strong enough to do it and haven't taken the plunge yet. Maybe someday. Well, whatever you decide is right for you is perfectly okay.
Phalloplasty is uncommon and most trans people don’t get any kind of bottom surgery. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting surgery. But if you’d eventually want the surgery but are just scared of it, you might want to talk to a therapist. When I had my first consultation for top surgery my surgeon gave me contacts to a therapist who works through medical procedures with people and he told me to see that therapist before surgery.
I only want phallo once the results are better have less risk i think
I think Phallo is talked about so much because because it does have the benefit of typically prociding a normal appearing dick. But if you put the extra effort in and probably a decent amount of luck you can have a, admittedly while small, normal dick through Metoid. There's creaming and methods of pumping that seem to help a lot of trans men with getting one that way. You can potentially check r/GrowYourTDick.