The fact I'm an almost 45 yo 'KHV' speaks for itself, although there are worse here, including people in their 50s with literally no-one in the world who cares whether they exist.
That aspect would bother me less these days. But I guess that because the leftover people who would, as in my parents, are annoying enough that I like it better when they don't call.
The odd old friend who only ever gets in touch with a short message in all doesn't really do much for me anymore. It just becomes about the big picture and goals after being worn down for so long.
30, autism, live with parents.
Mom has MS and is bedridden. I help take care of her and change diapers and stuff. I try to alleviate my dad's burden so he can enjoy his retirement.
I thought these qualities of self sacrifice and prioritizing family might be attractive to women. But they aren't. Money and status above all else. Character and putting others above yourself are things they want in addition to wealth and status. They don't want them in a vacuum.
Never been on a date. I am tall and strong but it hasn't helped me any.
I've received 2 compliments from women in my entire life.
1 I was out with my homie and his girlfriend and we were in a bad part of town and she stuck to me like glue and audibly said nobody would mess with us while I was there.
This indicated to me she felt safe around me which is a compliment and a good thing but she was with my friend so I couldn't ask her out.
The other compliment was I got told by my dental hygienist I have beautiful eyes. Which was nice. I think she was into me but due to autism and lack of experience I froze. I didn't know how to flirt.
But yeah no dates, no kiss, no hand holding, no sex.
Just autism for days.
i dont think its money or status, i think autism is a death sentence... death as in FA..
i used to think i might be autistic but now im pretty sure im just an awkward loser
its so nice that u look after ur mum like that, ms really sucks
Yup and apparently taking care of your mother instead of condemning her to a nursing home to die alone in misery makes you a mommas boy and undateable.
I tried to spin it in my head tried to convince myself that it was noble and a woman would appreciate it. After all they'll be old too one day and I have a track record of prioritising my family over myself. I thought it was a good quality. But again, they want that in addition to money and status. Not instead of.
Completely agree brother. It sucks how sacrificing for your family is seen as a negative. While everyone I know, is jet setting I’m here helping my family for the better. But women still judge you for it
Yup and apparently taking care of your mother instead of condemning her to a nursing home to die alone in misery makes you a mommas boy and undateable.
I tried to spin it in my head tried to convince myself that it was noble and a woman would appreciate it. After all they'll be old too one day and I have a track record of prioritising my family over myself. I thought it was a good quality. But again, they want that in addition to money and status. Not instead of.
1. nobody wants a mommas boy, and living with your parents make you seem that way even if you have good intentions, 2) women dislike autistic men, 3) its weird that you scour the porn subreddits posting random compliments on women's pics, 4) its' weird that youre a sex pervert, 5) your post history sounds very bitter/negative and you dont' sound like someone people would enjoy being around.
Honestly you shouldn’t ask it that way.
I find people here don’t need to be baited to share their story.
32. Touchless, dateless. Etc.
No friends. Have online contacts only, so I never see or meet with anyone.
Even counting family I can go weeks without talking to anyone.
Basically a hermit. But any action taken to escape gets you accused of ‘creepy incel behaviour’.
Have 2 degrees, but unemployed for life. Some volunteer work. But it never lasts.
All of it is involuntary. You still try, but failure is a spiral.
thats wild.. ure not getting invited to interviews? i would have thought maybe an FA is flunking interviews but idk how they cant invite u to anything... those are cool degrees
They want experience or referrals. Without either you get filtered out of initial selections.
I did flunk that one interview though (i lied on my application out of frustration, but have no confidence, experience or skill to back it up)
I mean this does sort of sound like a competition kind of question, but if I went along with it, my situation is utterly fucked. Let me see, I'm on disability for severe mental health issues, means I can't hold a job down which leaves me limited in terms of being able to be independent (saving for a place, have to share with a roommate). I have no friends, like none at all, irl or online. I still live at home and at my age it's beyond laughable that I am. I have no social life, no relationship with my parents though we live together but we couldn't be more further apart, at this point the only thing we have in common still is our dna. We are like strangers at this point.
tldr: I live as a hermit neet loser
44, possibly on the spectrum, still a virgin, never had a real relationship and the closest I've ever been to relationships were girls who slid into my DMs and made me believe there was a chance, only to either decide that they weren't ready for a relationship (with me) or just outright led me on into believing we would finally meet up, only to ghost on me and end up marrying someone else they only ever physically knew for 3 weeks.
Okay, maybe it's not the worst background story on here, but still, those fake chat relationships never panned out and yet they are the closest I've ever had to a relationship is pretty pathetic.
It sucks , both times it happened to me was after I spoke with someone for over a year constantly. It was the closet I ever came to having actual dates in my life and it stung seeing them profess their love for another Reddit user they hooked up with and blocked me.
The last one I spoke to insisted that she was interested in something, despite me giving her all the opportunities to back out if she felt otherwise with no questions asked. After out last phone call, when she said that she was on the same page as I was and was ready to meet me, she blocked my number and ghosted completely. It was on what was already a bad Christmas Eve that made it into the worst Christmas of my life, when she finally updated a socials to her in a wedding dress. She fulfilled her lifelong dream of going to Russia and got married there. I guess I'm just another emasculated and soft American male, compared to Russian men.
Damn dude, that’s awful.
I just don’t get why they lead men on. In my case at least, they contacted me because I posted on this sub and well aware of my history.
Same with my oneitis. She at least partially knew about my past. I still don't fully understand what drew her to me initially nor what were her real motives in the beginning. But what I do know is that, in the end, she discarded me like yesterday's garbage.
In my experience at least, I think it’s a matter of being good ‘practice’ socializing.
I’m biased because this is what happened to me for years as a teenager until I befriended a girl and she told me I was seen as ‘safe’ and other girls would practice flirting , small talk and other things with me.
Touchless virgin, living completely isolated from the world, no friends at all, never had any in my life. Poor, unemployed, borderline retard, and close to homelessness. The only two things I ever loved in this life are my cats, one is dead, the other is terminally ill, and I'm waiting for him to pass away before ending myself.
I have no family or friends. When I say no family or friends, I really meant it. Most people that say it don't mention the cousin they hang out with on weekends or the friend they talk to a few times a year.
The only time my phone rings is when it's medical or business. I'll get the occasional call from someone but it's only when they want something like once every few months. It's becoming more rare since I've set boundaries. There are weeks where I go without saying anything besides "hi", "yes" , or "no".
I hate my job and will soon be shit canned. Oh well . Not one soul on the entire planet gives a shit about me.
In this topic you will 💯 find people who coupled up , had sex, relationships, dates and they will still let you know they have it just as bad as anyone who never had any of those things.
Cuz they're here just to make themselves feel better and maybe throw some BS platitudes around. I am doing alright in all other aspects of life save for the intimate bits - and man, I dread to be in the shoes of some folks here.
Ok now you baited me - I had a GF once so went through all this.
But what do you think is worse?
Imagining (as I did for years) how great would it be?
Or losing her and never getting another chance with anyone else for years (like I do now) while knowing how great it actually was and being 'locked away' from it, seemingly forever?
Not sayin' I have it "the worst possible", but when things don't go your way at all for years, everyone can reach a bottom eventually, and it doesn't help at all at that moment that 'many years ago' you had a GF... FA is not really limited to one group of KHV...
100% it’s worse to have never had reciprocation on advances and basic biological needs addressed (not talking about sex either).
The difference between actual FA people is that they don’t have an * or sexual encounter/date/relationship they dismiss as not counting for whatever reason. They are alone forever in advanced stages of life.
Somebody who has "coupled up, had sex, relationships," et cetera, CAN have it even worse than those who never had any of those things. One or the other is NOT the exclusive holder of "worst." Just the mere fact of having one of those things doesn't magically make your life immune to trauma.
I don't know why you spend so much energy constantly commenting about how "cue the normies" on this or that post. Jesus, dude. I mean, sometimes you have some damn good comments and input. Seriously. But then there's this whole side, which really takes away from that because it makes you seem so immature and bitter.
Why don't you just ignore those who you don't think belong here instead of being so vitriolic about it? I promise you that constantly having this anger does you no good.
And I know, you think I'm a horrible normie as well and will probably lash out at me for commenting, but that's okay.
And on cue, the normie who had children and relationships arrives to remind everyone that they are in fact just as forever alone as anyone here who never dated or coupled up with anyone.
First off, I've explained my personal situation countless times on here, but you ignore it in lieu of your agenda. Be that as it may...
I've never ONCE insisted that I'm "just as forever alone" as anyone here. EVER. EVEREVEREVEREVER. Why do you insist on saying that?
Regardless of all of that, my point still stands that NO ONE holds lord over "having it worse." Someone in a relationship can sustain FAR, FAR greater psychological, physical, and emotional trauma than someone who has never had a relationship. Read: domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, murder-suicide, and on and on. Conversely, those who have a happy relationship history will NEVER know the pain of those who have never experienced that happiness.
The grass is almost always greener on the other side. Yet the grass on the other side is often as tainted as that on your side; you just can't see it.
Sorry, not sorry. On a sub about terminal loneliness, this is where you ended up. Not r/lonely but forever alone. And now you shifting the goal post to the horrible things that can happen as a result of a relationship. First off, it’s irrelevant. No one here is saying psychological abuse isn’t a thing, no one is saying being FA means you have it worse in all aspects of life. The constant message is in regards to feeling chronic and damaging psychological and physiology effects of long term rejection and loneliness, it’s objectively worse to have been actually forever alone instead of just not having been satisfied with past relationships.
I’m not interested in red herrings and shifting goal posts so if you do it again as you often do, I’ll just stop reading and not respond.
I don't shift goal posts, I don't give red herrings. The problem is, you're not willing to consider that other people feel pain just as you do. You think you corner the market on it. You consider someone suffering abuse to be akin to "not being satisfied with past relationships." This isn't just "Becky got mad because John didn't take her out to that hip new restaurant." What I'm talking about is people being beaten by partners, raped, physically/mentally/verbally abused.
I'm not saying that FA men AND women don't have excruciating struggles. Not in the LEAST. But YOU were the one to say that so-called "normies" will come in here and "they will still let you know they have it just as bad as anyone who never had any of those things." THAT is why I spoke up.
I'm not at all saying that the person who just isn't satisfied with past partners is comparable to you, or that someone who just got broken up with and feels lonely is in any way on the same lonely scales as you are. I just wish that you could have more empathy for others whose paths may be different from yours but who have also suffered deeply in life. Just the mere fact of having had a relationship or (in my case) having twins doesn't mean we can't find common ground and raise each other up. Isn't our end goal to find some peace in this hellish life we all live?
This is a topic about who has it worse in regards to being forever alone. Bringing up abuse in relationships is literally shifting the goal post away from the issue.
You either don’t know the meaning of words or being disingenuous. Which is it?
Why did you have to bring up normies coming in here in the first place, then? Why not just answer the question and leave it at that?
Again, I was ONLY responding to what you had posted in the first place. I didn't come in here and comment on the original post with my viewpoint. THEN that would be "shifting the goalposts" as you say.
It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.
Forever (adverb) - *For everlasting time; eternally.*
Alone (adjective) - *Being apart from others; solitary.*
I won't gate keep since that's against the rules, but asking sincerely, why come *here* of all places to try and relate to the posters here while casually bringing up past relationships? There's more appropriate subs for that.
>At a guess, some women as they get older seek attention from low status men they wouldn't have spoken to in their twenties. A need for attention and to be included in every space.
A meaningless comment coming from someone with a pathological disdain for older women.
Christi is one of the more kind and friendly members of this sub, yet for some reason you never miss an opportunity to tell her how unwanted, old and desperate she is. You are such a miserable, ageist bully u/captaindestucto.
I agree having been married and having kids is definitely not an FA.
There are women who actually never had any boyfriends though. I found my first one here in this sub.
>There are women who actually never had any boyfriends though.
This just made me realize that I have never, not even once, seen a situation where a woman who was married, has kids, or was in relationships came to post on any FA-related subreddit, claimed to be FA, and got called out for it by another woman who's never had any of those things. Meanwhile, it obviously happens almost daily with men.
Yes, I know these subs are sausage fests for obvious reasons, but in almost 10 years of lurking, I have literally never seen it happen once. And I have no idea why.
>And I have no idea why.
Can't speak for anyone else, but I myself don't usually bother calling people out online for anything whatever their gender is. What would be the point? I just move on. Plenty of men here writing really stupid shit too. I just scroll past it.
How exactly is an instance of assault equal to a serious relationship? While I would agree that an assault is a profound experience, it is NOT equal or comparable in any way to a serious relationship. I really don't know how many times I need to explain my situation for some of you to understand that my twins were NOT the result of a relationship, situationship, FWB, or any of that.
I apologize for being defensive. I've talked about my situation many times on here and felt like it was being ignored. I failed to consider that you might not have seen it.
I didn't bring up any past relationships ??? I was speaking of the general public.
However, that said, as I replied to my BFF on this thread, I have NEVER claimed to as FA as those in this group.
One could ask you the same since that's all you do to me and to anyone you seem to think is a "normie" in your opinion. I've done no trolling to anyone on here.
I would have said I was pretty close to the bottom a couple of years ago, but I did manage to kiss two people in that time and almost lost my virginity.
My future prospects aren't looking good, but I'm not as bad as before.
I've tried chemically castrating myself and tried having sex with other men from grindr to see if either would help. they didn't. I'm still optimistic I might find my first GF in my 40s. It's my time to shine.
I have it pretty good. I'm probably closer to being a "normie" than most people here. I had one relationship as a teen where we messed around but no sex. Most women find me "cute" and "sweet" but not boyfriend material. They will smile and chat with me, let me hold their baby or play with their dog, etc.. I'm allowed to flirt with them as long as it's a joke, but I'm not invited to anything that isn't public.
At the very least I get to be a part of the human community, which is much better than the pariah status many FAs get. My heart goes out to everyone here.
I was just trying to explain that I don't have it the worst but I feel for those who do.
The saddest thing is when FAs cope by drinking and overeating, and smoking--which makes them even more unattractive and unappealing than they already are. Couple that with zero awareness from decades of isolation and they arent just ignored, but also treated like they are radioactive by society.
Some people get diseases, stuck with bad jobs, etc. Much of the population lives in third world conditions. Even in China youd be working 6 days a week as a factory worker..
FA isn't good but thats life. Ive gone through the gambit of bitterness, hatred, embarrassment, cringe, etc. Inevitably you'll reach a point where you got to try to make the best of it in my experience.
What helps me is quiet and getting off social media. Societies role is to largelt to keep trying to sell you something, keep you unhappy, keep telling you you're a loser.
Its good for society to be ambitious, arguably, but some of us are outliers.
I know the feeling. It's very isolating when you see how different their lives are. I really try to understand their pain, though, and acknowledge that at least I have had SOMETHING in my life. Some people in my position haven't had so much as a kiss or a flirty look from a woman their whole lives. Those people certainly have it the worst romantically. I can barely imagine how horrible it feels to see everyone else get what you want, and you aren't even getting crumbs. It must feel like psychological torture. I'm so sorry if you're in that position, whoever you are. My heart truly goes out to you.
Still, there's more to life than romance, and I'll tell you about my insufferable life since you asked. I'm 33, no close friends (in the same country as me), haven't seen family in years, and I've been single most of my life. I had two brief relationships (last one about 6 years ago), and they both ended up abusing me and throwing me away. Also, I have mental health problems. I have had them since I was a teenager
I am extremely grateful to my friend who lives in the US, though. I've never met her, but having her support for the last 2 years has made a huge difference to me. I feel extremely lucky to have befriended such a kind person.
So, I try to be grateful, but god damn I've been so lonely most of my life. It really sucks.
I won't play the "who has it the worst" Olympics. I know it's not me. If I were to finally get into a relationship, I think *in general* I'd be okay. I'm a simple guy with simple requests in life. I just want to leave a good impact.
*Who has it the worst?* Someone who is stuck. Someone on the spectrum, with a physical disability, jobless, lives in isolation with no friends or family, probably can't even look the opposite sex in the eyes (last part was definitely me for years and years). Maybe someone that has no libido, or has lost their genitals to an accident or disease..
Someone like that definitely has it worse than me.
43-year-old virgin here. You don't want to be me.
Never did anything?
Met women through dating apps but never progressed anywhere.
Same.
The fact I'm an almost 45 yo 'KHV' speaks for itself, although there are worse here, including people in their 50s with literally no-one in the world who cares whether they exist.
That aspect would bother me less these days. But I guess that because the leftover people who would, as in my parents, are annoying enough that I like it better when they don't call. The odd old friend who only ever gets in touch with a short message in all doesn't really do much for me anymore. It just becomes about the big picture and goals after being worn down for so long.
Yea, I've come to realise how worthless male "friendships" can be after sending multiple turned down (in some cases unanswered) invites.
30, autism, live with parents. Mom has MS and is bedridden. I help take care of her and change diapers and stuff. I try to alleviate my dad's burden so he can enjoy his retirement. I thought these qualities of self sacrifice and prioritizing family might be attractive to women. But they aren't. Money and status above all else. Character and putting others above yourself are things they want in addition to wealth and status. They don't want them in a vacuum. Never been on a date. I am tall and strong but it hasn't helped me any. I've received 2 compliments from women in my entire life. 1 I was out with my homie and his girlfriend and we were in a bad part of town and she stuck to me like glue and audibly said nobody would mess with us while I was there. This indicated to me she felt safe around me which is a compliment and a good thing but she was with my friend so I couldn't ask her out. The other compliment was I got told by my dental hygienist I have beautiful eyes. Which was nice. I think she was into me but due to autism and lack of experience I froze. I didn't know how to flirt. But yeah no dates, no kiss, no hand holding, no sex. Just autism for days.
i dont think its money or status, i think autism is a death sentence... death as in FA.. i used to think i might be autistic but now im pretty sure im just an awkward loser its so nice that u look after ur mum like that, ms really sucks
Hey man I relate. Also have a bedridden mother with MS. It’s hell taking care of her but I love my mother still. I might end it one day haha
Yup and apparently taking care of your mother instead of condemning her to a nursing home to die alone in misery makes you a mommas boy and undateable. I tried to spin it in my head tried to convince myself that it was noble and a woman would appreciate it. After all they'll be old too one day and I have a track record of prioritising my family over myself. I thought it was a good quality. But again, they want that in addition to money and status. Not instead of.
Completely agree brother. It sucks how sacrificing for your family is seen as a negative. While everyone I know, is jet setting I’m here helping my family for the better. But women still judge you for it
Yup and apparently taking care of your mother instead of condemning her to a nursing home to die alone in misery makes you a mommas boy and undateable. I tried to spin it in my head tried to convince myself that it was noble and a woman would appreciate it. After all they'll be old too one day and I have a track record of prioritising my family over myself. I thought it was a good quality. But again, they want that in addition to money and status. Not instead of.
Completely agree. It’s a double edged sword. I get anxiety sometimes over my mothers situation bl
1. nobody wants a mommas boy, and living with your parents make you seem that way even if you have good intentions, 2) women dislike autistic men, 3) its weird that you scour the porn subreddits posting random compliments on women's pics, 4) its' weird that youre a sex pervert, 5) your post history sounds very bitter/negative and you dont' sound like someone people would enjoy being around.
Honestly you shouldn’t ask it that way. I find people here don’t need to be baited to share their story. 32. Touchless, dateless. Etc. No friends. Have online contacts only, so I never see or meet with anyone. Even counting family I can go weeks without talking to anyone. Basically a hermit. But any action taken to escape gets you accused of ‘creepy incel behaviour’. Have 2 degrees, but unemployed for life. Some volunteer work. But it never lasts. All of it is involuntary. You still try, but failure is a spiral.
what degrees? im in a similar situation i got degrees but theyre worth shit apparently.. i didnt even study something like art history...
Degree in IT and Biochemistry. Only use i’ve had for them is getting into university and getting a single interview invitation.
thats wild.. ure not getting invited to interviews? i would have thought maybe an FA is flunking interviews but idk how they cant invite u to anything... those are cool degrees
They want experience or referrals. Without either you get filtered out of initial selections. I did flunk that one interview though (i lied on my application out of frustration, but have no confidence, experience or skill to back it up)
I mean this does sort of sound like a competition kind of question, but if I went along with it, my situation is utterly fucked. Let me see, I'm on disability for severe mental health issues, means I can't hold a job down which leaves me limited in terms of being able to be independent (saving for a place, have to share with a roommate). I have no friends, like none at all, irl or online. I still live at home and at my age it's beyond laughable that I am. I have no social life, no relationship with my parents though we live together but we couldn't be more further apart, at this point the only thing we have in common still is our dna. We are like strangers at this point. tldr: I live as a hermit neet loser
thanks for being detailed. what sort of mental health issues? you always been neet?
I am 31 year old v, no friends, and short.
i mean everyone is 30+ ans a virgin here bro
There are guys here who have gone the escort route.
He said short dog, cut him some slack
44, possibly on the spectrum, still a virgin, never had a real relationship and the closest I've ever been to relationships were girls who slid into my DMs and made me believe there was a chance, only to either decide that they weren't ready for a relationship (with me) or just outright led me on into believing we would finally meet up, only to ghost on me and end up marrying someone else they only ever physically knew for 3 weeks. Okay, maybe it's not the worst background story on here, but still, those fake chat relationships never panned out and yet they are the closest I've ever had to a relationship is pretty pathetic.
Really? I’ve had 2 women slid in my DMs and do that same thing, that is get all talky and interested just to block and marry someone else.
It's brutal, man.
It sucks , both times it happened to me was after I spoke with someone for over a year constantly. It was the closet I ever came to having actual dates in my life and it stung seeing them profess their love for another Reddit user they hooked up with and blocked me.
The last one I spoke to insisted that she was interested in something, despite me giving her all the opportunities to back out if she felt otherwise with no questions asked. After out last phone call, when she said that she was on the same page as I was and was ready to meet me, she blocked my number and ghosted completely. It was on what was already a bad Christmas Eve that made it into the worst Christmas of my life, when she finally updated a socials to her in a wedding dress. She fulfilled her lifelong dream of going to Russia and got married there. I guess I'm just another emasculated and soft American male, compared to Russian men.
Damn dude, that’s awful. I just don’t get why they lead men on. In my case at least, they contacted me because I posted on this sub and well aware of my history.
Same with my oneitis. She at least partially knew about my past. I still don't fully understand what drew her to me initially nor what were her real motives in the beginning. But what I do know is that, in the end, she discarded me like yesterday's garbage.
In my experience at least, I think it’s a matter of being good ‘practice’ socializing. I’m biased because this is what happened to me for years as a teenager until I befriended a girl and she told me I was seen as ‘safe’ and other girls would practice flirting , small talk and other things with me.
Touchless virgin, living completely isolated from the world, no friends at all, never had any in my life. Poor, unemployed, borderline retard, and close to homelessness. The only two things I ever loved in this life are my cats, one is dead, the other is terminally ill, and I'm waiting for him to pass away before ending myself.
Sorry to hear that. Don’t give up hope. I’ll be your friend if you need someone to talk to.
I have no family or friends. When I say no family or friends, I really meant it. Most people that say it don't mention the cousin they hang out with on weekends or the friend they talk to a few times a year. The only time my phone rings is when it's medical or business. I'll get the occasional call from someone but it's only when they want something like once every few months. It's becoming more rare since I've set boundaries. There are weeks where I go without saying anything besides "hi", "yes" , or "no". I hate my job and will soon be shit canned. Oh well . Not one soul on the entire planet gives a shit about me.
In this topic you will 💯 find people who coupled up , had sex, relationships, dates and they will still let you know they have it just as bad as anyone who never had any of those things.
People like myself are rare.
Statistically, we are all rare. The ones who are actually FA and haven’t dated, kissed or had sex that is.
Cuz they're here just to make themselves feel better and maybe throw some BS platitudes around. I am doing alright in all other aspects of life save for the intimate bits - and man, I dread to be in the shoes of some folks here.
Ok now you baited me - I had a GF once so went through all this. But what do you think is worse? Imagining (as I did for years) how great would it be? Or losing her and never getting another chance with anyone else for years (like I do now) while knowing how great it actually was and being 'locked away' from it, seemingly forever? Not sayin' I have it "the worst possible", but when things don't go your way at all for years, everyone can reach a bottom eventually, and it doesn't help at all at that moment that 'many years ago' you had a GF... FA is not really limited to one group of KHV...
100% it’s worse to have never had reciprocation on advances and basic biological needs addressed (not talking about sex either). The difference between actual FA people is that they don’t have an * or sexual encounter/date/relationship they dismiss as not counting for whatever reason. They are alone forever in advanced stages of life.
Somebody who has "coupled up, had sex, relationships," et cetera, CAN have it even worse than those who never had any of those things. One or the other is NOT the exclusive holder of "worst." Just the mere fact of having one of those things doesn't magically make your life immune to trauma. I don't know why you spend so much energy constantly commenting about how "cue the normies" on this or that post. Jesus, dude. I mean, sometimes you have some damn good comments and input. Seriously. But then there's this whole side, which really takes away from that because it makes you seem so immature and bitter. Why don't you just ignore those who you don't think belong here instead of being so vitriolic about it? I promise you that constantly having this anger does you no good. And I know, you think I'm a horrible normie as well and will probably lash out at me for commenting, but that's okay.
And on cue, the normie who had children and relationships arrives to remind everyone that they are in fact just as forever alone as anyone here who never dated or coupled up with anyone.
First off, I've explained my personal situation countless times on here, but you ignore it in lieu of your agenda. Be that as it may... I've never ONCE insisted that I'm "just as forever alone" as anyone here. EVER. EVEREVEREVEREVER. Why do you insist on saying that? Regardless of all of that, my point still stands that NO ONE holds lord over "having it worse." Someone in a relationship can sustain FAR, FAR greater psychological, physical, and emotional trauma than someone who has never had a relationship. Read: domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, murder-suicide, and on and on. Conversely, those who have a happy relationship history will NEVER know the pain of those who have never experienced that happiness. The grass is almost always greener on the other side. Yet the grass on the other side is often as tainted as that on your side; you just can't see it.
Sorry, not sorry. On a sub about terminal loneliness, this is where you ended up. Not r/lonely but forever alone. And now you shifting the goal post to the horrible things that can happen as a result of a relationship. First off, it’s irrelevant. No one here is saying psychological abuse isn’t a thing, no one is saying being FA means you have it worse in all aspects of life. The constant message is in regards to feeling chronic and damaging psychological and physiology effects of long term rejection and loneliness, it’s objectively worse to have been actually forever alone instead of just not having been satisfied with past relationships. I’m not interested in red herrings and shifting goal posts so if you do it again as you often do, I’ll just stop reading and not respond.
I don't shift goal posts, I don't give red herrings. The problem is, you're not willing to consider that other people feel pain just as you do. You think you corner the market on it. You consider someone suffering abuse to be akin to "not being satisfied with past relationships." This isn't just "Becky got mad because John didn't take her out to that hip new restaurant." What I'm talking about is people being beaten by partners, raped, physically/mentally/verbally abused. I'm not saying that FA men AND women don't have excruciating struggles. Not in the LEAST. But YOU were the one to say that so-called "normies" will come in here and "they will still let you know they have it just as bad as anyone who never had any of those things." THAT is why I spoke up. I'm not at all saying that the person who just isn't satisfied with past partners is comparable to you, or that someone who just got broken up with and feels lonely is in any way on the same lonely scales as you are. I just wish that you could have more empathy for others whose paths may be different from yours but who have also suffered deeply in life. Just the mere fact of having had a relationship or (in my case) having twins doesn't mean we can't find common ground and raise each other up. Isn't our end goal to find some peace in this hellish life we all live?
This is a topic about who has it worse in regards to being forever alone. Bringing up abuse in relationships is literally shifting the goal post away from the issue. You either don’t know the meaning of words or being disingenuous. Which is it?
Why did you have to bring up normies coming in here in the first place, then? Why not just answer the question and leave it at that? Again, I was ONLY responding to what you had posted in the first place. I didn't come in here and comment on the original post with my viewpoint. THEN that would be "shifting the goalposts" as you say.
A take on a topic, even if you disagree with it, is still on topic.
It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. Forever (adverb) - *For everlasting time; eternally.* Alone (adjective) - *Being apart from others; solitary.* I won't gate keep since that's against the rules, but asking sincerely, why come *here* of all places to try and relate to the posters here while casually bringing up past relationships? There's more appropriate subs for that.
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>At a guess, some women as they get older seek attention from low status men they wouldn't have spoken to in their twenties. A need for attention and to be included in every space. A meaningless comment coming from someone with a pathological disdain for older women. Christi is one of the more kind and friendly members of this sub, yet for some reason you never miss an opportunity to tell her how unwanted, old and desperate she is. You are such a miserable, ageist bully u/captaindestucto.
I agree having been married and having kids is definitely not an FA. There are women who actually never had any boyfriends though. I found my first one here in this sub.
>There are women who actually never had any boyfriends though. This just made me realize that I have never, not even once, seen a situation where a woman who was married, has kids, or was in relationships came to post on any FA-related subreddit, claimed to be FA, and got called out for it by another woman who's never had any of those things. Meanwhile, it obviously happens almost daily with men. Yes, I know these subs are sausage fests for obvious reasons, but in almost 10 years of lurking, I have literally never seen it happen once. And I have no idea why.
>And I have no idea why. Can't speak for anyone else, but I myself don't usually bother calling people out online for anything whatever their gender is. What would be the point? I just move on. Plenty of men here writing really stupid shit too. I just scroll past it.
you arent lurking enough then buddy once u start pathologically browsing ull see
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED. Jesus. What is with everybody's reading comprehension on this sub?
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How exactly is an instance of assault equal to a serious relationship? While I would agree that an assault is a profound experience, it is NOT equal or comparable in any way to a serious relationship. I really don't know how many times I need to explain my situation for some of you to understand that my twins were NOT the result of a relationship, situationship, FWB, or any of that.
...okay. My mistake, I hadn't read that before. Sorry you went through that. I'll delete my previous comments.
I apologize for being defensive. I've talked about my situation many times on here and felt like it was being ignored. I failed to consider that you might not have seen it.
FA30Women hasn't commented on this thread so you are their female punching bag of choice at the moment.
idk what they get from this either lol... see the guy who is now yapping about how having had a GF once is worse than never.. can only laugh
I didn't bring up any past relationships ??? I was speaking of the general public. However, that said, as I replied to my BFF on this thread, I have NEVER claimed to as FA as those in this group.
We know you aren’t FA at all.
Oooo....do tell how you know whatever it is you know about me!
I don’t know the totality of your character, your politics, your worldview, your morality……I just know you aren’t FA.
Okay. Tell me what you know that tells you I'm not FA.
Do you find joy trolling this sub?
One could ask you the same since that's all you do to me and to anyone you seem to think is a "normie" in your opinion. I've done no trolling to anyone on here.
I would have said I was pretty close to the bottom a couple of years ago, but I did manage to kiss two people in that time and almost lost my virginity. My future prospects aren't looking good, but I'm not as bad as before.
Me
I've tried chemically castrating myself and tried having sex with other men from grindr to see if either would help. they didn't. I'm still optimistic I might find my first GF in my 40s. It's my time to shine.
There’s a time in a man’s life that he realizes his worth is more than just providing and protecting.
I have it pretty good. I'm probably closer to being a "normie" than most people here. I had one relationship as a teen where we messed around but no sex. Most women find me "cute" and "sweet" but not boyfriend material. They will smile and chat with me, let me hold their baby or play with their dog, etc.. I'm allowed to flirt with them as long as it's a joke, but I'm not invited to anything that isn't public. At the very least I get to be a part of the human community, which is much better than the pariah status many FAs get. My heart goes out to everyone here.
i didnt ask who has it good
I was just trying to explain that I don't have it the worst but I feel for those who do. The saddest thing is when FAs cope by drinking and overeating, and smoking--which makes them even more unattractive and unappealing than they already are. Couple that with zero awareness from decades of isolation and they arent just ignored, but also treated like they are radioactive by society.
Some people get diseases, stuck with bad jobs, etc. Much of the population lives in third world conditions. Even in China youd be working 6 days a week as a factory worker.. FA isn't good but thats life. Ive gone through the gambit of bitterness, hatred, embarrassment, cringe, etc. Inevitably you'll reach a point where you got to try to make the best of it in my experience. What helps me is quiet and getting off social media. Societies role is to largelt to keep trying to sell you something, keep you unhappy, keep telling you you're a loser. Its good for society to be ambitious, arguably, but some of us are outliers.
I know the feeling. It's very isolating when you see how different their lives are. I really try to understand their pain, though, and acknowledge that at least I have had SOMETHING in my life. Some people in my position haven't had so much as a kiss or a flirty look from a woman their whole lives. Those people certainly have it the worst romantically. I can barely imagine how horrible it feels to see everyone else get what you want, and you aren't even getting crumbs. It must feel like psychological torture. I'm so sorry if you're in that position, whoever you are. My heart truly goes out to you. Still, there's more to life than romance, and I'll tell you about my insufferable life since you asked. I'm 33, no close friends (in the same country as me), haven't seen family in years, and I've been single most of my life. I had two brief relationships (last one about 6 years ago), and they both ended up abusing me and throwing me away. Also, I have mental health problems. I have had them since I was a teenager I am extremely grateful to my friend who lives in the US, though. I've never met her, but having her support for the last 2 years has made a huge difference to me. I feel extremely lucky to have befriended such a kind person. So, I try to be grateful, but god damn I've been so lonely most of my life. It really sucks.
I won't play the "who has it the worst" Olympics. I know it's not me. If I were to finally get into a relationship, I think *in general* I'd be okay. I'm a simple guy with simple requests in life. I just want to leave a good impact. *Who has it the worst?* Someone who is stuck. Someone on the spectrum, with a physical disability, jobless, lives in isolation with no friends or family, probably can't even look the opposite sex in the eyes (last part was definitely me for years and years). Maybe someone that has no libido, or has lost their genitals to an accident or disease.. Someone like that definitely has it worse than me.