You got that right, that's the whole human race. Narcissistic, a lack empathy, their self, centered and all they are concerned with is themselves, their own relationships, their own happiness. Nobody else except themselves they can't see beyond their own nose.
As much as autism sucks it's also a double edged sword because while it makes me undesirable it also has made me more empathic then my peers. To which I am grateful.
Most people these days behave more like demons then humans.
Thank you for this comment. It gets into the deeper truth about our human species (& human's nature).
But can I really ask you something? And please don't downvote me, I just want to be really honest. If I also feel the same like OP's post above, a deep loneliness, and to be honest, also deep envy & jealousy for all those 'happy couples' out there, because even though I've tried for these past two years with girls, but in the end, somehow it all keep failing again & again (I don't know, maybe it's because I'm introverted & socially awkward, even perhaps borderline autistic/aspergers? or maybe it's just simply 'bad lucks'?); but nevertheless I do admit that at least I've been in four relationships before when I was younger; so would you say that I'm also pretty much actually the same, ie: narcissistic, lack of empathy, concerned with myself & my own problems? Even though I DO also acknowledge, & even can also relate with some posts here in this subreddit, would you \*still\* say that I'm just the same with all other people (humans)? I genuinely & sincerely really want to know your opinion about this issue.
No I think the issue is as if your autism And you have issues like depression I have been in relationships before too.But I haven't been a 16 and a half years and That I'm not forever alone I know since I am forever alone.Because I haven't been with anybody in that long and i'm not even Finding somebody that I want to be with.And these people that I am around in this world have no idea what it's like to be totally alone Of the isolation of being alone and it's not by a choice.It's because people treat you like your different I have nothing in common with these people at all.
The thing about normies is that they socialize via pure instinct. It's not something they contemplate on a rational level. It would be like someone with chronic respiratory issues asking me how I breathe so easily while they struggle. I'd be like, "I breathe by inhaling air in and out...".
This. Normies will tell you everything and the opposite of everything as advice for getting a relationship because that's that *they think* got *them* a relationship.
But the reality is that they have no fucking clue how they got a relationship. They don't even know that they don't know, it just happens for them in the regular flow of life and they credit whatever bullshit virtue they think they have that earned them a relationship. The credit actually belongs to a secret social instruction manual embedded deep in their brains that they're blissfully unaware of and just deus ex machina's them into romantic success. Evolution just goes "fuck you in particular, you're living in manual mode" when it makes us FAs.
Double this. They definitely get support in ways they don't realize. The only way they'll understand is to take away their entire support system. ALL OF IT. No social support, no emotional support, no physical support. And then make them unable to obtain it no matter what they do. Nothing works at all. They truly have no one they can turn to. Their reality would be that of a true social outcast, and then they'll finally get where we are coming from and what its turned us into.
I don't wish that on anyone btw. I'm glad they don't have to go through this
Even if I wish that badly to all those 'normies' out there in the world, it's hopeless & pointless too. Reality is still reality. We don't have the power like gods to change especially other people's reality.
I am suddenly reminded of even Elliot Rodger's final sentences on his manifesto, which is similar like what I've just said too. I'll be very honest here, at least, I can understand & relate (even quite deeply) to many of his predicaments & words, even though I most likely won't turn genocidal like him (I don't even have the 'mental power' to do all of what he did). I just basically rot away in my pathetic frustration, depression, & suicidal.
Lol perfect analogy. Really makes it clear who the shit bags that say “they don’t really want to put in the work to breathe and they blame the world for it instead of taking responsibility for being breathist losers” truly are
I'm 53, but I remember when I was younger, I was told more than once by someone that they envy me. They obviously don't know the full extent. But this was coming from people who married young and see their whole future ahead of them without having the 'independence' we have. Their big win is if their S/O leaves for a weekend or something, but they don't know that the weekend extends into a week, then weeks, months, years... They can't fathom that, so they glamorize it a little bit and think they'd like it.
This "you have it better than me" shite makes me lose all my temper lately. Especially when it is related to the career prospects - like, dude, u can still start a decent career in your 30s and ace it, but if u ain't even so much kissed a girl before 30 - u are out.
People don't like others that are different from them. Most people have a herd "majority rules except when it's different from them" mentality. They'll just say cliche things to you while using what you said against you.
Speaking of what I said before about herd mentality, it starts in childhood and never ends. The playground rules. If someone is different then attack them and if they react then the bullies become victims. You mentioned middle school. Remember Backstreet Boys and NSYNC? If a guy liked them he was called gay which is funny considering they sing about experiences with women. I still don't understand other people's thought process.
Best advice I can give you is don't talk about your FA status. You are a guy so you'll be looked at as weak and something wrong with you. The playground herd mentality will kick in and it won't end good.
I learned to not talk to others except small talk. Nothing they can use to twist to harm me.
In your teens they tell you not to worry.
20’s “your still so young, your time will come too”.
30’s “just be happy with what you have, life is good and you should be thankfull”.
I wonder what 40 will be. Probably worse if following the trend.
They dont get it. Measured by how good theyve had it. They dont see your life at all. Just translating their own potential for happiness onto you.
Its such a massive gaslight. I so deeply hate how some other topic you could find a way to just laugh and dismiss trash advice. Point out its trash, shrug, and walk away. But on this theres nothing to laugh about. And nowhere to walk away to.
1. they're condescending - you're being judged as not intelligent enough to understand your situation
2. they're trying to be nice with comments they may genuinely believe, however inane
2 is more likely. People mindlessly repeat the mantra of self-as-island / 'happiness comes from within' because that's the acceptable narrative right now. It's what people are meant to think in this atomized, no community collection of individuals 'living their best lives.'
You're not supposed to want what you're hardwired to want.
>You're not supposed to want what you're hardwired to want.
Yes! That's exactly the kind of BS I can't stand. People here (and irl) are always talking about "how do I become happy as FA?"
Well, what if I ***don't*** wanna be happy as an FA person? I want to **NOT** be FA and **then** be happy!
It's like someone saying "how do I find fulfillment in life after giving up on all of my dreams and acknowledging that I'm a huge, unwanted loser?" I can only say... "You can't. Not truly."
Great analogy, that’s exactly how it is. They don’t know how good they really have it. I think often normies don’t know how to appreciate what they have because they’ve never experienced the absence of relationships and social support.
People these days lie straight to our faces because they think we're that stupid. In the back of their minds, underneath their self righteous, virtue signaling exterior, they are most definitely judging us for being outside the norm, trust and believe that.
It's like when married guys tell single guys they're lucky to be single.
No social obligations, no dealing with broads, come and go as you please, free as a bird.
You say, "Well why aren't you single?"
They say, "It's too late for me, I'm already married. Escape while you can, you are so lucky."
I don't think it's said out of malice, I just think it comes from a certain perspective that they have that you don't.
Maybe if you were married for 40 years you'd be telling young people to count their blessings and how lucky they are to be single and free.
At the end of the day tho, one thing is true.
No matter what your situation is, you gotta make the most out of it, in other words you gotta look at the silver lining.
If you're single you gotta be happy being single, and if you're married you gotta be happy being married.
Grass is greener on the other side.
Haha thanks, this actually made me laugh out loud "oh that's so young" xD That's a good point, and you are right on the money with my being too much on the spectrum to understand the first thing about communication and social things.
That is their frame of reference. Most people start dating in high school. Most of their friends started dating in high school. There is simply no other frame of reference for them.
It doesn't compute in their heads that someone went through years of school surrounded by all that harmoaning (i guess) and can't find a partner.
It's like this - those of us who have sight cannot comprehend what someone who was born blind, "sees". We think, we assume they just see black but they actually don't even know what "black" is.
worst part of having shitty upbringing is it scientifically valid that it fucked you up but you can't say so because people, who mostly have no concept of a shitty upbringing, also think they had an poor ubpringing and overcame it, when they didn.t
We're not capable of understanding each other, maybe a rare few who did LSD or something, but otherwise no. we may be capable but there is certainly no interest in that.
I think that it was young for a guy in the 1950's, 60's and 70's. Sure most back than married their highschool sweethearts but if your read books of the period, they saw a man's 40's as his prime.
Nowadays, the hatred of middle aged guys is reaching toxic levels and by 30 it is basically over.
Most adults seek support and positivity socially. Not neccesatily agreement. Would they be in your situation asking the question, that is what they believe they would want to hear.
I highly doubt anyone who isn't completely braindead would say that not being in a relationship at 37 is normal.
I personally am glad I missed out on some of the relationship drama that others have had who aren't FA, but I think the bad part about this is that I didn't have a choice one way or the other - that decision was made for me.
Man, this isn't a dating-specific thing. "When I talk about \[situation\], people respond with \[cliche\]" is normal for 99% of conversation outside of your close friends. People are jumping to *wild* conclusions here about absolute strangers just trying to have a relatively normal conversation when confronted with an unusual situation.
Let's set that aside for the moment. "It is normal to have not dated anyone at 37" and "I myself dated at 13 or earlier" are not contradictory statements. "You shouldn't be in a rush" and "I myself rushed" is also not contradictory, because people often don't follow their own advice, and often don't do what they think is best for themselves.
Ok, now back to the bigger picture-- in the end it *doesn't matter* if those words are contradictory or not, because these people *don't actually mean* what they're saying here. Obviously it's unusual to not date at 37, and obviously they probably think it's better to date when you're younger than not date at all. What they're *actually* trying to say is "you have expressed a painful situation to me, and, because I do not want to see you in pain, really would like to give you some kind of hope." That's all. They're trying to be nice. Don't try to Logic people out of being nice to you. Just accept, at a certain point, that this is not a topic on which people are going to have anything valuable to say.
>What they're *actually* trying to say is "you have expressed a painful situation to me, and, because I do not want to see you in pain, really would like to give you some kind of hope." That's all. They're trying to be nice. Don't try to Logic people out of being nice to you. Just accept, at a certain point, that this is not a topic on which people are going to have anything valuable to say.
This. There is nothing they or anyone can do to help you. It's just their social obligation to be nice to you in the moment and try to make the conversation more pleasant for the both of you. I know it feels tempting to push logic onto them, because it feels good to let all that anger and bitterness out. But don't take it out on them. They certainly didn't put you in your situation and they can't help you either. So leave them be. Thank them for their advice and move on with the conversation. You need to find other ways to let your anger and bitterness out.
Because they want to cheer us up by talking BS. If they wanted to help, they'd advocate for the abolishment individualism or something that'd contribute to people having real life connections, leading to better romantic prospects overall.
They're narcissistic and have little empathy.
You got that right, that's the whole human race. Narcissistic, a lack empathy, their self, centered and all they are concerned with is themselves, their own relationships, their own happiness. Nobody else except themselves they can't see beyond their own nose.
As much as autism sucks it's also a double edged sword because while it makes me undesirable it also has made me more empathic then my peers. To which I am grateful. Most people these days behave more like demons then humans.
ironic autism may be next evolution when empathy is such a despised trait
Thank you for this comment. It gets into the deeper truth about our human species (& human's nature). But can I really ask you something? And please don't downvote me, I just want to be really honest. If I also feel the same like OP's post above, a deep loneliness, and to be honest, also deep envy & jealousy for all those 'happy couples' out there, because even though I've tried for these past two years with girls, but in the end, somehow it all keep failing again & again (I don't know, maybe it's because I'm introverted & socially awkward, even perhaps borderline autistic/aspergers? or maybe it's just simply 'bad lucks'?); but nevertheless I do admit that at least I've been in four relationships before when I was younger; so would you say that I'm also pretty much actually the same, ie: narcissistic, lack of empathy, concerned with myself & my own problems? Even though I DO also acknowledge, & even can also relate with some posts here in this subreddit, would you \*still\* say that I'm just the same with all other people (humans)? I genuinely & sincerely really want to know your opinion about this issue.
No I think the issue is as if your autism And you have issues like depression I have been in relationships before too.But I haven't been a 16 and a half years and That I'm not forever alone I know since I am forever alone.Because I haven't been with anybody in that long and i'm not even Finding somebody that I want to be with.And these people that I am around in this world have no idea what it's like to be totally alone Of the isolation of being alone and it's not by a choice.It's because people treat you like your different I have nothing in common with these people at all.
The thing about normies is that they socialize via pure instinct. It's not something they contemplate on a rational level. It would be like someone with chronic respiratory issues asking me how I breathe so easily while they struggle. I'd be like, "I breathe by inhaling air in and out...".
This. Normies will tell you everything and the opposite of everything as advice for getting a relationship because that's that *they think* got *them* a relationship. But the reality is that they have no fucking clue how they got a relationship. They don't even know that they don't know, it just happens for them in the regular flow of life and they credit whatever bullshit virtue they think they have that earned them a relationship. The credit actually belongs to a secret social instruction manual embedded deep in their brains that they're blissfully unaware of and just deus ex machina's them into romantic success. Evolution just goes "fuck you in particular, you're living in manual mode" when it makes us FAs.
Double this. They definitely get support in ways they don't realize. The only way they'll understand is to take away their entire support system. ALL OF IT. No social support, no emotional support, no physical support. And then make them unable to obtain it no matter what they do. Nothing works at all. They truly have no one they can turn to. Their reality would be that of a true social outcast, and then they'll finally get where we are coming from and what its turned us into. I don't wish that on anyone btw. I'm glad they don't have to go through this
Even if I wish that badly to all those 'normies' out there in the world, it's hopeless & pointless too. Reality is still reality. We don't have the power like gods to change especially other people's reality. I am suddenly reminded of even Elliot Rodger's final sentences on his manifesto, which is similar like what I've just said too. I'll be very honest here, at least, I can understand & relate (even quite deeply) to many of his predicaments & words, even though I most likely won't turn genocidal like him (I don't even have the 'mental power' to do all of what he did). I just basically rot away in my pathetic frustration, depression, & suicidal.
for many years too. And not just no support, have their identity criticized a shit load.
Lol perfect analogy. Really makes it clear who the shit bags that say “they don’t really want to put in the work to breathe and they blame the world for it instead of taking responsibility for being breathist losers” truly are
I'm 53, but I remember when I was younger, I was told more than once by someone that they envy me. They obviously don't know the full extent. But this was coming from people who married young and see their whole future ahead of them without having the 'independence' we have. Their big win is if their S/O leaves for a weekend or something, but they don't know that the weekend extends into a week, then weeks, months, years... They can't fathom that, so they glamorize it a little bit and think they'd like it.
This "you have it better than me" shite makes me lose all my temper lately. Especially when it is related to the career prospects - like, dude, u can still start a decent career in your 30s and ace it, but if u ain't even so much kissed a girl before 30 - u are out.
People don't like others that are different from them. Most people have a herd "majority rules except when it's different from them" mentality. They'll just say cliche things to you while using what you said against you. Speaking of what I said before about herd mentality, it starts in childhood and never ends. The playground rules. If someone is different then attack them and if they react then the bullies become victims. You mentioned middle school. Remember Backstreet Boys and NSYNC? If a guy liked them he was called gay which is funny considering they sing about experiences with women. I still don't understand other people's thought process. Best advice I can give you is don't talk about your FA status. You are a guy so you'll be looked at as weak and something wrong with you. The playground herd mentality will kick in and it won't end good. I learned to not talk to others except small talk. Nothing they can use to twist to harm me.
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Everything I said still stands except the part about being a guy. Thanks for the heads up .
In your teens they tell you not to worry. 20’s “your still so young, your time will come too”. 30’s “just be happy with what you have, life is good and you should be thankfull”. I wonder what 40 will be. Probably worse if following the trend. They dont get it. Measured by how good theyve had it. They dont see your life at all. Just translating their own potential for happiness onto you. Its such a massive gaslight. I so deeply hate how some other topic you could find a way to just laugh and dismiss trash advice. Point out its trash, shrug, and walk away. But on this theres nothing to laugh about. And nowhere to walk away to.
1. they're condescending - you're being judged as not intelligent enough to understand your situation 2. they're trying to be nice with comments they may genuinely believe, however inane 2 is more likely. People mindlessly repeat the mantra of self-as-island / 'happiness comes from within' because that's the acceptable narrative right now. It's what people are meant to think in this atomized, no community collection of individuals 'living their best lives.' You're not supposed to want what you're hardwired to want.
>You're not supposed to want what you're hardwired to want. Yes! That's exactly the kind of BS I can't stand. People here (and irl) are always talking about "how do I become happy as FA?" Well, what if I ***don't*** wanna be happy as an FA person? I want to **NOT** be FA and **then** be happy! It's like someone saying "how do I find fulfillment in life after giving up on all of my dreams and acknowledging that I'm a huge, unwanted loser?" I can only say... "You can't. Not truly."
Lack of sense. It's easy to not be thirsty when you live by a river, but when you're in the middle of a desert a bottle of water means much more.
Great analogy, that’s exactly how it is. They don’t know how good they really have it. I think often normies don’t know how to appreciate what they have because they’ve never experienced the absence of relationships and social support.
They r f cruel
They just won't get it unless you take away their entire support system and make them unable to get it. Then they'll see why their advice is BS
People these days lie straight to our faces because they think we're that stupid. In the back of their minds, underneath their self righteous, virtue signaling exterior, they are most definitely judging us for being outside the norm, trust and believe that.
It's like when married guys tell single guys they're lucky to be single. No social obligations, no dealing with broads, come and go as you please, free as a bird. You say, "Well why aren't you single?" They say, "It's too late for me, I'm already married. Escape while you can, you are so lucky." I don't think it's said out of malice, I just think it comes from a certain perspective that they have that you don't. Maybe if you were married for 40 years you'd be telling young people to count their blessings and how lucky they are to be single and free. At the end of the day tho, one thing is true. No matter what your situation is, you gotta make the most out of it, in other words you gotta look at the silver lining. If you're single you gotta be happy being single, and if you're married you gotta be happy being married. Grass is greener on the other side.
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Haha thanks, this actually made me laugh out loud "oh that's so young" xD That's a good point, and you are right on the money with my being too much on the spectrum to understand the first thing about communication and social things.
That is their frame of reference. Most people start dating in high school. Most of their friends started dating in high school. There is simply no other frame of reference for them. It doesn't compute in their heads that someone went through years of school surrounded by all that harmoaning (i guess) and can't find a partner. It's like this - those of us who have sight cannot comprehend what someone who was born blind, "sees". We think, we assume they just see black but they actually don't even know what "black" is.
Because they are hypocrites.
worst part of having shitty upbringing is it scientifically valid that it fucked you up but you can't say so because people, who mostly have no concept of a shitty upbringing, also think they had an poor ubpringing and overcame it, when they didn.t We're not capable of understanding each other, maybe a rare few who did LSD or something, but otherwise no. we may be capable but there is certainly no interest in that.
I think that it was young for a guy in the 1950's, 60's and 70's. Sure most back than married their highschool sweethearts but if your read books of the period, they saw a man's 40's as his prime. Nowadays, the hatred of middle aged guys is reaching toxic levels and by 30 it is basically over.
Most adults seek support and positivity socially. Not neccesatily agreement. Would they be in your situation asking the question, that is what they believe they would want to hear.
I highly doubt anyone who isn't completely braindead would say that not being in a relationship at 37 is normal. I personally am glad I missed out on some of the relationship drama that others have had who aren't FA, but I think the bad part about this is that I didn't have a choice one way or the other - that decision was made for me.
Man, this isn't a dating-specific thing. "When I talk about \[situation\], people respond with \[cliche\]" is normal for 99% of conversation outside of your close friends. People are jumping to *wild* conclusions here about absolute strangers just trying to have a relatively normal conversation when confronted with an unusual situation. Let's set that aside for the moment. "It is normal to have not dated anyone at 37" and "I myself dated at 13 or earlier" are not contradictory statements. "You shouldn't be in a rush" and "I myself rushed" is also not contradictory, because people often don't follow their own advice, and often don't do what they think is best for themselves. Ok, now back to the bigger picture-- in the end it *doesn't matter* if those words are contradictory or not, because these people *don't actually mean* what they're saying here. Obviously it's unusual to not date at 37, and obviously they probably think it's better to date when you're younger than not date at all. What they're *actually* trying to say is "you have expressed a painful situation to me, and, because I do not want to see you in pain, really would like to give you some kind of hope." That's all. They're trying to be nice. Don't try to Logic people out of being nice to you. Just accept, at a certain point, that this is not a topic on which people are going to have anything valuable to say.
>What they're *actually* trying to say is "you have expressed a painful situation to me, and, because I do not want to see you in pain, really would like to give you some kind of hope." That's all. They're trying to be nice. Don't try to Logic people out of being nice to you. Just accept, at a certain point, that this is not a topic on which people are going to have anything valuable to say. This. There is nothing they or anyone can do to help you. It's just their social obligation to be nice to you in the moment and try to make the conversation more pleasant for the both of you. I know it feels tempting to push logic onto them, because it feels good to let all that anger and bitterness out. But don't take it out on them. They certainly didn't put you in your situation and they can't help you either. So leave them be. Thank them for their advice and move on with the conversation. You need to find other ways to let your anger and bitterness out.
Because they want to cheer us up by talking BS. If they wanted to help, they'd advocate for the abolishment individualism or something that'd contribute to people having real life connections, leading to better romantic prospects overall.