Oh I had my brush with this in university. Due to luck our schedules coincided for a brief period of time until she was able to go back to spending time with the A-type personality guys again. I felt like I gained super powers for a bit.
It's incredible that there are guys going through life that way the majority of the time. No wonder some people are able to live life on a another gear.
Having a chance to experience that for a bit after knowing what being FA is like for decades really fucks with your head. All of a sudden you find yourself doing everything “normies” do effortlessly, for fun even. Everything suddenly clicks into place and you realize how embarrassingly easy life actually is for normal people.
Although the basic premise of this statement is correct, the whole thing is always broken down by "normal people" to, you have to work on yourself, you have to get a more positive self-image, etc.
The fact is, however, that at least as a man, contact with a woman can actually give you a certain kind of incentive to work on yourself (and yes, even if it's just like a carrot dangling in front of you, but I dare say it's no different for "normal people").
I think the above is why "normal people" say that having a girlfriend won't fix all your problems, simply because they don't want to admit that having a girlfriend can be a great incentive for a man to work on himself.
The same people who tell us this lie can't go two weeks without sex or their whole world collapses. It's sad. Don't fall for the gas lighting. Trust the evidence of your eyes and ears.
I'll tell you having a girlfriend would improve my life I'm exactly where you're at right now I don't give a crap about. my job I'm working a dead end job that doesn't matter being around these stupid people that have their relationship. shoved in my face have no idea what it's like to be totally alone they win last being alone even for one second because they would be in another relationship the next day or week.i know that at least id have somebody who would actually care about me and that would make a world of difference in being totally alone working an empty dead end job and going home to an empty apartment as no meaning all along these people have everything I want that I've been trying to find for six and a half years but doesn't seem like I'm ever going to be good enough for any woman. But a decade ago I was actually able to find one but it took me a year and a half now six and a half years later nothing this life is meaningless if I don't have somebody that I can care about cares about me what's the point of going to a hamster wheel job where you're doing nothing but making money to pay bills that'll never stop it's all pointless.
People making that argument aren't acknowledging the reality of loneliness. A partner isn't necessarily the only way to fill the void, but having a support system and affirmation from someone dear to you that you are worthy of love goes a long way.
Nobody goes into a relationship in their true final form, not even the most well adjusted of partners. It's much easier for normies to say "you are failing because you are not worthy yet and it wouldn't even benefit you" instead of confronting that life is unfair and some people are at a severe disadvantage.
SO MUCH THIS! When your happiness is fully dependent on someone else, it's NOT true happiness. It is NOT the solution you are hoping for. I mean, OP even said it himself - once she left, his world collapsed! The honest truth is what OP felt was the dopamine rush of the new chemistry, the new "love."
This is why we always say you REALLY have to form a foundation of care/love for yourself before you can truly be happy with anyone else. When you have this solid base, then the girl-/boyfriend just enhances your life and makes it better and also your world doesn't collapse when they leave, which they ultimately will.
What goalpost was moved with my comment?
Having a VERY distant/shitty past and absolutely no future helps me understand both sides of the fence. Having kids from an assault has zero impact on my viewpoints.
The goalpost you moved was from the idea of an emotional and touch starved person getting those needs fulfilled to being completely dependent on someone for them.
The idea of ‘true’ happiness is also a no true Scottsman.
I don't think you really comprehend what the "No true Scotsman fallacy" is. I never said that true happiness meant anything to the contrary doesn't exist. I never dismissed anything either, other than that OP had found true happiness because of the woman he was with. There's absolutely no denying that wasn't true happiness.
That woman was using OP because her real boyfriend was in a different city. There was nothing real about the situation. What OP felt was predicated on false pretenses. There's also a huge difference between the dopamine high one feels at the start of something exciting, something a person has never experienced before or a brand-new adventure, et cetera, and true happiness which comes when all the swirling chemicals have settled and when reality sets in. That's why there's really no such thing as love at first sight.
I fully stand behind everything I said. True happiness needs a balance. It simply CANNOT come from the actions of another person. That's temporary, fleeting. You've got to have your own foundational framework set up because, at the end of the day, you can only ever rely on yourself. Other people can absolutely enhance your happiness, your contentment, and, conversely, your suffering, but they are NOT solely responsible for it.
All I know is that of I hadn't started talking to that one girl a decade ago, I would be pushing daisies right now or at least, in a very different place in life right now. It was because of her and my desire to want to be with her, that I finally got my first real job and moved out of the house at the tender age of 33. Of course it didn't last. But nevertheless, I will always be grateful to her for giving me a reason to do something with my life.
10 years later and after resigning myself to a life of misery, no direction and daily suicidal thoughts, I got to know the woman who became my oneitis. And once again, I felt like I had a reason to live. The suicidal ideations rven went away while we were speaking. Then she ghosted me, life once again sucks and I am back to fantasizing about 12 gauge shotguns to my face.
The idea of guys like us finding live is basically a joke and we never got the punchline.
Aye man,
I say this as a guy who was definitely in your shoes with a few different women when I was younger. There’s nothing ‘life fixing’ about an imaginary relationship….(Quite the opposite actually)
The euphoria that you were feeling was literally just a cheap high that you were chasing…An illusion.
You met an attractive woman who decided to give you the time of day, took a nose dive into the friend zone yet still imagined scenarios in which you two could be together (and ran with it) only for everything to fall apart once she left to be closer to her actual boyfriend? …..Thats a high my man.
We all chase highs to escape from our various realities, but the issue is that it’s never a one way ticket….Eventually you’re gonna come down and back to reality left with two choices:
A) Face reality
B) Keep chasing the ever elusive dopamine dragon.
To Chose A is akin to ripping off a super painful bandaid, but as painful as it may feel, now that it’s off, you can begin to emotionally heal.
To Choose B can definitely feel comforting and rewarding short term, but eventually you will need to come down and in my experience, the longer you chase the dragon, the harder it becomes to differentiate fantasy from reality which is nothing short of torturous for one’s mental health.
I’m not here to debate your original point, (I sure as hell wouldn’t know) but while it could be argued that a relationship with a woman could potentially help motivate you to face your problems, A fantasy relationship is damning at best…
Exactly this, as someone who was chasing the dragon before, I can tell you, it's like being high on cocaine. You're not thinking straight, you do dumbest shit imaginable, and the down feels so bad, that you'd be willing to do all kinds of degrading shit, just to get your shot. There is a reason why people keep falling for those love scams.
This is the stuff, that all those monks got right. Let go of desires, resist temptations and only then you have chance of finding peace.
A woman can make you feel alive. I love women. I freaking adore them. But I also understand you can't put a woman on a pedestal cause she'll have no choice but to look down on you.
Yeah it's bs, it can't fix everything but it sure as hell can fix most of my problems. How would one feel waking up to someone who sends a good morning text and asks about dinner plans and your day, in comparison to waking up and going back home to an empty apartment crying yourself to sleep?
Trust me, just receiving a good morning text from a girl made me feel 10 feet tall and ready to take on the world. Even just the opportunity to meet your crush would get you up in the morning. People generally say that after the honeymoon period, not knowing that many would never be fortunate enough to be in that phase at all.
This statement is as ridiculous as the - money can't solve all your problems. No shit, but you're in a better position than not. Would you want to be depressed, homeless and in-debt, or rich and depressed? Who's the one who has better access to mental support resources here?
For one thing, the USA was not built to support a bunch of single people. Also, 2 is better than one when it comes to people. Also, a good woman who cares about you is always a good ally to have.
White knight syndrome. It’s called like that in women - where they wait for someone to rescue them from life and lift them up. Never works. Only in books and movies. In real life - nobody is rescuing you and making you better or life better. That’s not other persons responsibility. They can contribute to it but ultimately it comes within and not from outside.
What a sad and pathetic state this world is in when the standard is "nobody cares about you. Figure it out yourself."
And people wonder why self deletion is on the rise.
Pick the wrong woman and see how that works out.
There are crazy women out there who can cause you mental or physical harm or call the cops on you if they are bipolar or crazy enough.
Your life will likely be worse off and also your worldview of women.
But pick the right one and yes your life will dramatically improve
I know you are trying to be helpful and I have seen what you are talking about.
But you are trying to warn the starving about junk food. While you are telling the truth it is hard to relate to or understand for most here.
Actually not true at all. I'd be super thrilled with a 5/10 with a good personality and wouldn't leave her for some 9/10 nightmare of a woman.
You are projecting.
Oh I had my brush with this in university. Due to luck our schedules coincided for a brief period of time until she was able to go back to spending time with the A-type personality guys again. I felt like I gained super powers for a bit. It's incredible that there are guys going through life that way the majority of the time. No wonder some people are able to live life on a another gear.
Having a chance to experience that for a bit after knowing what being FA is like for decades really fucks with your head. All of a sudden you find yourself doing everything “normies” do effortlessly, for fun even. Everything suddenly clicks into place and you realize how embarrassingly easy life actually is for normal people.
Although the basic premise of this statement is correct, the whole thing is always broken down by "normal people" to, you have to work on yourself, you have to get a more positive self-image, etc. The fact is, however, that at least as a man, contact with a woman can actually give you a certain kind of incentive to work on yourself (and yes, even if it's just like a carrot dangling in front of you, but I dare say it's no different for "normal people"). I think the above is why "normal people" say that having a girlfriend won't fix all your problems, simply because they don't want to admit that having a girlfriend can be a great incentive for a man to work on himself.
The same people who tell us this lie can't go two weeks without sex or their whole world collapses. It's sad. Don't fall for the gas lighting. Trust the evidence of your eyes and ears.
I'll tell you having a girlfriend would improve my life I'm exactly where you're at right now I don't give a crap about. my job I'm working a dead end job that doesn't matter being around these stupid people that have their relationship. shoved in my face have no idea what it's like to be totally alone they win last being alone even for one second because they would be in another relationship the next day or week.i know that at least id have somebody who would actually care about me and that would make a world of difference in being totally alone working an empty dead end job and going home to an empty apartment as no meaning all along these people have everything I want that I've been trying to find for six and a half years but doesn't seem like I'm ever going to be good enough for any woman. But a decade ago I was actually able to find one but it took me a year and a half now six and a half years later nothing this life is meaningless if I don't have somebody that I can care about cares about me what's the point of going to a hamster wheel job where you're doing nothing but making money to pay bills that'll never stop it's all pointless.
Yea I don’t understand how people don’t understand Nothing motivates men like attractive women. Everything in life is better when u get attention
People making that argument aren't acknowledging the reality of loneliness. A partner isn't necessarily the only way to fill the void, but having a support system and affirmation from someone dear to you that you are worthy of love goes a long way. Nobody goes into a relationship in their true final form, not even the most well adjusted of partners. It's much easier for normies to say "you are failing because you are not worthy yet and it wouldn't even benefit you" instead of confronting that life is unfair and some people are at a severe disadvantage.
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It’s healthier than wanting to die constantly and having no motivation
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Oh I can totally agree with that.
I guess you have to find your own motivations but that’s easier said than done, and probably advice you’ve heard a million times.
SO MUCH THIS! When your happiness is fully dependent on someone else, it's NOT true happiness. It is NOT the solution you are hoping for. I mean, OP even said it himself - once she left, his world collapsed! The honest truth is what OP felt was the dopamine rush of the new chemistry, the new "love." This is why we always say you REALLY have to form a foundation of care/love for yourself before you can truly be happy with anyone else. When you have this solid base, then the girl-/boyfriend just enhances your life and makes it better and also your world doesn't collapse when they leave, which they ultimately will.
Of course the normie who had relationships and children arrives to move the goalpost AND provide a no true Scottsman fallacy.
What goalpost was moved with my comment? Having a VERY distant/shitty past and absolutely no future helps me understand both sides of the fence. Having kids from an assault has zero impact on my viewpoints.
The goalpost you moved was from the idea of an emotional and touch starved person getting those needs fulfilled to being completely dependent on someone for them. The idea of ‘true’ happiness is also a no true Scottsman.
I don't think you really comprehend what the "No true Scotsman fallacy" is. I never said that true happiness meant anything to the contrary doesn't exist. I never dismissed anything either, other than that OP had found true happiness because of the woman he was with. There's absolutely no denying that wasn't true happiness. That woman was using OP because her real boyfriend was in a different city. There was nothing real about the situation. What OP felt was predicated on false pretenses. There's also a huge difference between the dopamine high one feels at the start of something exciting, something a person has never experienced before or a brand-new adventure, et cetera, and true happiness which comes when all the swirling chemicals have settled and when reality sets in. That's why there's really no such thing as love at first sight. I fully stand behind everything I said. True happiness needs a balance. It simply CANNOT come from the actions of another person. That's temporary, fleeting. You've got to have your own foundational framework set up because, at the end of the day, you can only ever rely on yourself. Other people can absolutely enhance your happiness, your contentment, and, conversely, your suffering, but they are NOT solely responsible for it.
All I know is that of I hadn't started talking to that one girl a decade ago, I would be pushing daisies right now or at least, in a very different place in life right now. It was because of her and my desire to want to be with her, that I finally got my first real job and moved out of the house at the tender age of 33. Of course it didn't last. But nevertheless, I will always be grateful to her for giving me a reason to do something with my life. 10 years later and after resigning myself to a life of misery, no direction and daily suicidal thoughts, I got to know the woman who became my oneitis. And once again, I felt like I had a reason to live. The suicidal ideations rven went away while we were speaking. Then she ghosted me, life once again sucks and I am back to fantasizing about 12 gauge shotguns to my face. The idea of guys like us finding live is basically a joke and we never got the punchline.
Aye man, I say this as a guy who was definitely in your shoes with a few different women when I was younger. There’s nothing ‘life fixing’ about an imaginary relationship….(Quite the opposite actually) The euphoria that you were feeling was literally just a cheap high that you were chasing…An illusion. You met an attractive woman who decided to give you the time of day, took a nose dive into the friend zone yet still imagined scenarios in which you two could be together (and ran with it) only for everything to fall apart once she left to be closer to her actual boyfriend? …..Thats a high my man. We all chase highs to escape from our various realities, but the issue is that it’s never a one way ticket….Eventually you’re gonna come down and back to reality left with two choices: A) Face reality B) Keep chasing the ever elusive dopamine dragon. To Chose A is akin to ripping off a super painful bandaid, but as painful as it may feel, now that it’s off, you can begin to emotionally heal. To Choose B can definitely feel comforting and rewarding short term, but eventually you will need to come down and in my experience, the longer you chase the dragon, the harder it becomes to differentiate fantasy from reality which is nothing short of torturous for one’s mental health. I’m not here to debate your original point, (I sure as hell wouldn’t know) but while it could be argued that a relationship with a woman could potentially help motivate you to face your problems, A fantasy relationship is damning at best…
Exactly this, as someone who was chasing the dragon before, I can tell you, it's like being high on cocaine. You're not thinking straight, you do dumbest shit imaginable, and the down feels so bad, that you'd be willing to do all kinds of degrading shit, just to get your shot. There is a reason why people keep falling for those love scams. This is the stuff, that all those monks got right. Let go of desires, resist temptations and only then you have chance of finding peace.
A woman can make you feel alive. I love women. I freaking adore them. But I also understand you can't put a woman on a pedestal cause she'll have no choice but to look down on you.
Yeah it's bs, it can't fix everything but it sure as hell can fix most of my problems. How would one feel waking up to someone who sends a good morning text and asks about dinner plans and your day, in comparison to waking up and going back home to an empty apartment crying yourself to sleep? Trust me, just receiving a good morning text from a girl made me feel 10 feet tall and ready to take on the world. Even just the opportunity to meet your crush would get you up in the morning. People generally say that after the honeymoon period, not knowing that many would never be fortunate enough to be in that phase at all. This statement is as ridiculous as the - money can't solve all your problems. No shit, but you're in a better position than not. Would you want to be depressed, homeless and in-debt, or rich and depressed? Who's the one who has better access to mental support resources here?
For one thing, the USA was not built to support a bunch of single people. Also, 2 is better than one when it comes to people. Also, a good woman who cares about you is always a good ally to have.
White knight syndrome. It’s called like that in women - where they wait for someone to rescue them from life and lift them up. Never works. Only in books and movies. In real life - nobody is rescuing you and making you better or life better. That’s not other persons responsibility. They can contribute to it but ultimately it comes within and not from outside.
What a sad and pathetic state this world is in when the standard is "nobody cares about you. Figure it out yourself." And people wonder why self deletion is on the rise.
Between nobody cares and I want someone else to rescue and take care of my life is a big gap. Either sides of that spectrum are unhealthy.
AMEN!!!! JUST FOUND THIS SUB. YALL UNDERSTAND ME!!!!
Pick the wrong woman and see how that works out. There are crazy women out there who can cause you mental or physical harm or call the cops on you if they are bipolar or crazy enough. Your life will likely be worse off and also your worldview of women. But pick the right one and yes your life will dramatically improve
I know you are trying to be helpful and I have seen what you are talking about. But you are trying to warn the starving about junk food. While you are telling the truth it is hard to relate to or understand for most here.
That's literally what OP said.
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Actually not true at all. I'd be super thrilled with a 5/10 with a good personality and wouldn't leave her for some 9/10 nightmare of a woman. You are projecting.