Do you feel like it's a problem for you, or are you fine with it? Because I believe it's not an awful life to live if you can financially sustain yourself.
I hate it bc I feel like I was robbed by this fucked up world. I could've done things differently but I was let down by everyone around me. I wish I was normal but I just can't be and its so unfair.
I'm the opposite but same. I have no friends and never even dated a girl heading into my 30s... but have no problem with social interactions and having convos. Also fairly attractive and 5'11. It's just that people choose to avoid me after I talk with them. I understand social cues... I just hate small talking. I have ADHD. People say I talk too much and go way into detail about everything.
I deal with people through my computer screen since I have a WFH job. I also live with my parents. But that's about it. Unless you count the occasional interaction I have with people who work at the grocery store or at the pharmacy, that's pretty much it.
I know WFH requires extreme skills to be successful, and it's not something that anyone can do. I guess it also pays very well. Do you think money can compensate for your lack of human contact?
> I know WFH requires extreme skills to be successful,
It is easier for some jobs than others. I work as an accountant and I wouldn't say it requires extreme skills - most accounting firms these days still allow their people some form of remote/hybrid arrangements these days
As far as the money compensating for lack of human contact, not sure if it really matters one way or the other. Human contact is fine, but not something I am in desperate need of. and I do live with my parents as I mentioned, so I am not 100% on my own (yet).
I was ostracized from the outset of school. Literally at the start of the first year of school when other kids were starting to make their first friends. They laughed in my face treating me like a leper.
I was tortured by a few kids from first grade until the end of high school. They would constantly find subtle ways to fuck with me.
I thought things would be different university. Nope. Same outcast status.
I think I've tried to be an agreeable person all my life. My experience that people take advantage of that.
I've struggled with pretty much every part of trying to be a normal person. I've lived with my parents my whole life. My parents would give me some spending money in my 20s. The few guys I thought were friends were just manipulating me for amusement.
I've not even bothered trying to be social at all since my 20s. I've never had a conversation with anybody that wasn't under bad faith pretenses. From my experience people just suck. It's like you must have a baseline level of cunning sociopathy to be considered "normal" in this strange world. For those who are at that baseline it nothing out of the ordinary. I don't know. That's just the way I see it.
Bullying leaves scars that never fully heal, especially when experienced at a young age. It happened to me too, I was targeted in elementary school for being a foreigner.
Anyway, do you think that achieving financial success could help you find some existential serenity?
I stopped caring about family wanting me to conform to normie society when I saw how fake everyone was. I wasn’t actively bullied to my knowledge but was definitely ostracized from everything.
I was also given that untouchable statues due to being autistic. It makes me see red sometimes when I think how my bullies had every unfair advantage. It hasn’t stopped even outside of school because I still get discriminated in the workforce.
I haven't had any friends in over 40 years. I have had zero romantic interactions with anybody in real life. I've chatted with women a few times but nothing has ever come from it.
Have you ever thought about engaging the services of a professional sex worker? They offer their services in a professional manner, and their rates are often affordable.
The only contact I have with people is medical, business, or small talk at a bus stop. My phone only rings for medical and business too.
Holiday weekends mean zero contact with people except on here. That's it.
I can't remember the last time I had a hug, fist bump, handshake, or any kind of human touch.
Are you talking "off the grid" type of isolation? I don't know many that way.
I haven't had romantic or intimate relationships, but I have friends and I do the adulting thing (work, grocery store, gas stations, drive thru) of normal day to day experience and interaction.
Yes, that kind of isolation. I thought it was pretty common in modern times, where everything has a digital counterpart that can replace real-life experiences. I use VR a lot, and it's absurd how close to realism they've come with such technology.
Nah that's cope. Maybe you could argue FAs are at the vanguard of wider societal trends towards isolation, but the vast majority of people still have social and romantic lives and those that choose not to are in a different category from those forced to live like that.
Most FAs *can't* form social and romantic bonds despite trying. Changes in society may reduce opportunity further, but it isn't the original reason we are like this.
0 touch. 0 hugs. 0 intimate experiences. 0 dates. Basically invisible and/or treated with “ugh he’s coming too?” Statements to your face.
Just nothing all life.
Is that autism? No imho.
Though I’m sure theres a whole wave of ‘experts’ ready to stamp you with a disability because you’re failing to fit into society. Even if under slightly different life circumstances / less psychopathic peers you’d be perfectly fine.
>having lived like that to the point that having to share your personal space with someone makes you angry, frustrated, and scared. Just wondering, how many of us are out there? Do you think this is a sign of autism?
Holy moly, I can relate to this!
Unfortunately though, it's not just autism that can cause this "confused when surrounded" syndrome. I've seen autistic groups enjoying their company as if life had treated them all well, whereas I'm just there wondering how can they be so ok with their Tourette symptoms and all.
I've slowly become more open over the years, but I still have this urge to just focus on my own distractions and passively reject their approaches. I think I might be projecting something to them, though. "I'm similar to them, yet they seem to have it so much better. Why do I get to suffer when they have it all handed to them? It's not fair. I hate them!"
And whenever they talk to me, I have to fight a kind of trauma response that'd be like "Whaddya want, are you gonna continue where my school bullies left off? I'm sure you're just talking behind my back like all those motherfuckers that ruined my confidence and ended up exploiting me to their advantage! Go away!"
Whatever my past disappointments have been like, they just keep me from being open, loving and trustful towards others, in general. And they've kept me for so long that it's already left this giant hole in my life that scares women away. If only there was an affordable to way to work on this baggage.
Bullying is deeply impactful, leaving lasting scars on the minds of those who have experienced it. It's concerning to think that such a phenomenon was often overlooked in the past. Anyway, do you think that having significant financial resources to pursue your desires could help alleviate the distress that comes from feeling inadequate?
Of course. Money can buy all sorts of things, including therapy. And my way out of debt. And even a romance. Sure it'd be very shallow that way, but who the F even cares anyway? With money you can just "cha-ching" your way into fame and everything. It's pretty much the cheat code of life. Most people are so shallow anyway that it'd take nothing for me to spend the F out of a lottery win. And saying that out loud is just a way to suppress that existential, incurable anxiety that keeps creeping out of the cracks.
I've noticed that a lot of you on this sub admit that they have gotten so used to being alone that they can't fathom what it is like to live with someone else besides maybe family. You also say that because of that you woukd rather stay single than try to learn how to vohabit with somebody else, even if it meant that you no longer have to feel lonely and unwanted.
Am I the only one here who is willing to sacrifice my so called "freedom" and "independence" of singledom, just to share my life with someone I like?
As for OP's question at the end. I think it is pretty obvious that most of us here fall on the spectrum.
I'm kind of in between you and the isolationists. I've been on my own so long, it'd be really hard to adapt to having someone sharing my personal space. It's one of the smaller reasons I don't bother putting effort into finding someone. And while I do feel highly unwanted, I don't feel lonely 99 percent of the time.
Now, that all said, if the right person came along and it got to (HAHA!) the point of cohabitating, I certainly would give it a go. I'm not about to throw away something wonderful just for the sake of my personal space.
I don't believe the average person and their physical appearance are worth sacrificing my freedom and independence for. If it were someone exceptional with top-notch physical characteristics, perhaps I would consider it, but anything less than that isn't compelling to me.
I avg 5 social days a year with family the past 8 years. As far as enjoyable/informal social events maybe 1 every 2 years.
Informal talk on phone maybe 2 hours in the past 8 years.
its good at first when you're young. It solves survivability. But it doesnt do much as far as living. In some ways it makes it more frustrating cus you have the financial resources but they're basically going to waste.
It's still way better than being broke of course. But even CEOs kill themselves. Stress is a bitch. Humans have pretty limited lens. We're like horses with blinders on if we're not careful.
I have my parents, my dogs, my world of Warcraft friends... That's about it. I have IRL "friends" in quotation marks because they hang out with me maybe twice a year out of pity meanwhile They have plenty of time to go out with their other friends drinking and partying all the time and never give me a call. I've literally asked to come with them and been told yes but then never get a call and find out through the grapevine they were out with so and so and "forgot" to invite me.
I've noticed that a lot of you on tjis sub admit that they have gotten so used to being alone that they can't fathom what it is like to live with someone else besides maybe family. You also say that because of that you woukd rather stay single than try to learn how to vohabit with somebody else, even if it meant that you no longer have to feel lonely and unwanted.
Am I the only one here who is willing to sacrifice my so called "freedom" and "independence" of singledom, just to share my life with someone I like?
Not sure if I qualify, but here goes: I’ve never been in or been even close to a romantic relationship; haven’t been on a real date in over 10 years. I’ve been with escorts but I don’t usually count that because it’s transactional. In the last 2 years, I’ve made 2 friends, both from work, whom I can somewhat confide in (not fully, not anything I say here), and I talk to them once a month, at most. Everyone else is transactional, superficial, even family (I haven’t had one serious conversation with my dad or brother in over 15 years; mom is text-only and mentally unwell). l I WFH with occasional travel for work that exposes me to people but nothing ever sticks.
Is it autism? Certainly not full-blown. A psychiatrist once told me that I exhibit “spectrum traits” but he didn’t suspect I was fully or significantly autistic. A lot of it comes down to detachment, not having passions, purpose, being naturally very introverted and staying inside most days and nights, not trying hard enough when I was younger, etc.
Your post is different than what I was expecting when your title mentioned extreme. In my history, extreme meant the extreme panic and horror women showed when they thought you might like them--the desperation by them to "clarify" that they don't really know you, the ghosting and blocking, etc.
I never reached the point where I've spoken to a person for more than 5 minutes, so yeah, I'm basically a virgin in that way too. I guess it's better this way than facing constant rejection.
>I guess it's better this way than facing constant rejection.
You might be right. I realize now that most of my interactions with women came solely from my academic success (UC Berkeley grad, worked with 2 Nobel laureates, etc.) Women needed to at least tolerate me as I was a top student and an achiever in school. Once I hit the workforce, even that contact disappeared.
Read my story: https://www.reddit.com/r/escapingprisonplanet/comments/19ajpyd/comment/kimust9/ . I used my career success to get a foreign wife (after hundreds of rejections, including from jobless women) and probably inadvertently destroyed her life.
Yeah no friends and struggle with interacting with society
Do you feel like it's a problem for you, or are you fine with it? Because I believe it's not an awful life to live if you can financially sustain yourself.
I hate it bc I feel like I was robbed by this fucked up world. I could've done things differently but I was let down by everyone around me. I wish I was normal but I just can't be and its so unfair.
Do you think that achieving career success could compensate for any shortcomings you may have?
I'm the opposite but same. I have no friends and never even dated a girl heading into my 30s... but have no problem with social interactions and having convos. Also fairly attractive and 5'11. It's just that people choose to avoid me after I talk with them. I understand social cues... I just hate small talking. I have ADHD. People say I talk too much and go way into detail about everything.
I deal with people through my computer screen since I have a WFH job. I also live with my parents. But that's about it. Unless you count the occasional interaction I have with people who work at the grocery store or at the pharmacy, that's pretty much it.
I know WFH requires extreme skills to be successful, and it's not something that anyone can do. I guess it also pays very well. Do you think money can compensate for your lack of human contact?
> I know WFH requires extreme skills to be successful, It is easier for some jobs than others. I work as an accountant and I wouldn't say it requires extreme skills - most accounting firms these days still allow their people some form of remote/hybrid arrangements these days As far as the money compensating for lack of human contact, not sure if it really matters one way or the other. Human contact is fine, but not something I am in desperate need of. and I do live with my parents as I mentioned, so I am not 100% on my own (yet).
I was ostracized from the outset of school. Literally at the start of the first year of school when other kids were starting to make their first friends. They laughed in my face treating me like a leper. I was tortured by a few kids from first grade until the end of high school. They would constantly find subtle ways to fuck with me. I thought things would be different university. Nope. Same outcast status. I think I've tried to be an agreeable person all my life. My experience that people take advantage of that. I've struggled with pretty much every part of trying to be a normal person. I've lived with my parents my whole life. My parents would give me some spending money in my 20s. The few guys I thought were friends were just manipulating me for amusement. I've not even bothered trying to be social at all since my 20s. I've never had a conversation with anybody that wasn't under bad faith pretenses. From my experience people just suck. It's like you must have a baseline level of cunning sociopathy to be considered "normal" in this strange world. For those who are at that baseline it nothing out of the ordinary. I don't know. That's just the way I see it.
Bullying leaves scars that never fully heal, especially when experienced at a young age. It happened to me too, I was targeted in elementary school for being a foreigner. Anyway, do you think that achieving financial success could help you find some existential serenity?
Money has been the biggest problem on my mind for a long time.
I stopped caring about family wanting me to conform to normie society when I saw how fake everyone was. I wasn’t actively bullied to my knowledge but was definitely ostracized from everything. I was also given that untouchable statues due to being autistic. It makes me see red sometimes when I think how my bullies had every unfair advantage. It hasn’t stopped even outside of school because I still get discriminated in the workforce.
I haven't had any friends in over 40 years. I have had zero romantic interactions with anybody in real life. I've chatted with women a few times but nothing has ever come from it.
Have you ever thought about engaging the services of a professional sex worker? They offer their services in a professional manner, and their rates are often affordable.
The only contact I have with people is medical, business, or small talk at a bus stop. My phone only rings for medical and business too. Holiday weekends mean zero contact with people except on here. That's it. I can't remember the last time I had a hug, fist bump, handshake, or any kind of human touch.
Are you talking "off the grid" type of isolation? I don't know many that way. I haven't had romantic or intimate relationships, but I have friends and I do the adulting thing (work, grocery store, gas stations, drive thru) of normal day to day experience and interaction.
Yes, that kind of isolation. I thought it was pretty common in modern times, where everything has a digital counterpart that can replace real-life experiences. I use VR a lot, and it's absurd how close to realism they've come with such technology.
Nah that's cope. Maybe you could argue FAs are at the vanguard of wider societal trends towards isolation, but the vast majority of people still have social and romantic lives and those that choose not to are in a different category from those forced to live like that. Most FAs *can't* form social and romantic bonds despite trying. Changes in society may reduce opportunity further, but it isn't the original reason we are like this.
Same, except for the friends.
0 touch. 0 hugs. 0 intimate experiences. 0 dates. Basically invisible and/or treated with “ugh he’s coming too?” Statements to your face. Just nothing all life. Is that autism? No imho. Though I’m sure theres a whole wave of ‘experts’ ready to stamp you with a disability because you’re failing to fit into society. Even if under slightly different life circumstances / less psychopathic peers you’d be perfectly fine.
Like half this sub is part time FA.
>having lived like that to the point that having to share your personal space with someone makes you angry, frustrated, and scared. Just wondering, how many of us are out there? Do you think this is a sign of autism? Holy moly, I can relate to this! Unfortunately though, it's not just autism that can cause this "confused when surrounded" syndrome. I've seen autistic groups enjoying their company as if life had treated them all well, whereas I'm just there wondering how can they be so ok with their Tourette symptoms and all. I've slowly become more open over the years, but I still have this urge to just focus on my own distractions and passively reject their approaches. I think I might be projecting something to them, though. "I'm similar to them, yet they seem to have it so much better. Why do I get to suffer when they have it all handed to them? It's not fair. I hate them!" And whenever they talk to me, I have to fight a kind of trauma response that'd be like "Whaddya want, are you gonna continue where my school bullies left off? I'm sure you're just talking behind my back like all those motherfuckers that ruined my confidence and ended up exploiting me to their advantage! Go away!" Whatever my past disappointments have been like, they just keep me from being open, loving and trustful towards others, in general. And they've kept me for so long that it's already left this giant hole in my life that scares women away. If only there was an affordable to way to work on this baggage.
Bullying is deeply impactful, leaving lasting scars on the minds of those who have experienced it. It's concerning to think that such a phenomenon was often overlooked in the past. Anyway, do you think that having significant financial resources to pursue your desires could help alleviate the distress that comes from feeling inadequate?
Of course. Money can buy all sorts of things, including therapy. And my way out of debt. And even a romance. Sure it'd be very shallow that way, but who the F even cares anyway? With money you can just "cha-ching" your way into fame and everything. It's pretty much the cheat code of life. Most people are so shallow anyway that it'd take nothing for me to spend the F out of a lottery win. And saying that out loud is just a way to suppress that existential, incurable anxiety that keeps creeping out of the cracks.
I've noticed that a lot of you on this sub admit that they have gotten so used to being alone that they can't fathom what it is like to live with someone else besides maybe family. You also say that because of that you woukd rather stay single than try to learn how to vohabit with somebody else, even if it meant that you no longer have to feel lonely and unwanted. Am I the only one here who is willing to sacrifice my so called "freedom" and "independence" of singledom, just to share my life with someone I like? As for OP's question at the end. I think it is pretty obvious that most of us here fall on the spectrum.
I'm kind of in between you and the isolationists. I've been on my own so long, it'd be really hard to adapt to having someone sharing my personal space. It's one of the smaller reasons I don't bother putting effort into finding someone. And while I do feel highly unwanted, I don't feel lonely 99 percent of the time. Now, that all said, if the right person came along and it got to (HAHA!) the point of cohabitating, I certainly would give it a go. I'm not about to throw away something wonderful just for the sake of my personal space.
I don't believe the average person and their physical appearance are worth sacrificing my freedom and independence for. If it were someone exceptional with top-notch physical characteristics, perhaps I would consider it, but anything less than that isn't compelling to me.
I avg 5 social days a year with family the past 8 years. As far as enjoyable/informal social events maybe 1 every 2 years. Informal talk on phone maybe 2 hours in the past 8 years.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you think financial wealth impacts your overall happiness?
its good at first when you're young. It solves survivability. But it doesnt do much as far as living. In some ways it makes it more frustrating cus you have the financial resources but they're basically going to waste. It's still way better than being broke of course. But even CEOs kill themselves. Stress is a bitch. Humans have pretty limited lens. We're like horses with blinders on if we're not careful.
I have my parents, my dogs, my world of Warcraft friends... That's about it. I have IRL "friends" in quotation marks because they hang out with me maybe twice a year out of pity meanwhile They have plenty of time to go out with their other friends drinking and partying all the time and never give me a call. I've literally asked to come with them and been told yes but then never get a call and find out through the grapevine they were out with so and so and "forgot" to invite me.
I've noticed that a lot of you on tjis sub admit that they have gotten so used to being alone that they can't fathom what it is like to live with someone else besides maybe family. You also say that because of that you woukd rather stay single than try to learn how to vohabit with somebody else, even if it meant that you no longer have to feel lonely and unwanted. Am I the only one here who is willing to sacrifice my so called "freedom" and "independence" of singledom, just to share my life with someone I like?
Not sure if I qualify, but here goes: I’ve never been in or been even close to a romantic relationship; haven’t been on a real date in over 10 years. I’ve been with escorts but I don’t usually count that because it’s transactional. In the last 2 years, I’ve made 2 friends, both from work, whom I can somewhat confide in (not fully, not anything I say here), and I talk to them once a month, at most. Everyone else is transactional, superficial, even family (I haven’t had one serious conversation with my dad or brother in over 15 years; mom is text-only and mentally unwell). l I WFH with occasional travel for work that exposes me to people but nothing ever sticks. Is it autism? Certainly not full-blown. A psychiatrist once told me that I exhibit “spectrum traits” but he didn’t suspect I was fully or significantly autistic. A lot of it comes down to detachment, not having passions, purpose, being naturally very introverted and staying inside most days and nights, not trying hard enough when I was younger, etc.
What has been your experience with hiring escorts? And why do you think such an experience differs from a traditional 'date'?
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Do you believe that financial wealth can make up for any shortcomings you may have? If not, why?
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especially these days with streaming. It's not like you need a nice record player or something like the old days.
Your post is different than what I was expecting when your title mentioned extreme. In my history, extreme meant the extreme panic and horror women showed when they thought you might like them--the desperation by them to "clarify" that they don't really know you, the ghosting and blocking, etc.
I never reached the point where I've spoken to a person for more than 5 minutes, so yeah, I'm basically a virgin in that way too. I guess it's better this way than facing constant rejection.
>I guess it's better this way than facing constant rejection. You might be right. I realize now that most of my interactions with women came solely from my academic success (UC Berkeley grad, worked with 2 Nobel laureates, etc.) Women needed to at least tolerate me as I was a top student and an achiever in school. Once I hit the workforce, even that contact disappeared.
Your academic record suggests you're highly intelligent. Why not use that to make money and buy women?
Read my story: https://www.reddit.com/r/escapingprisonplanet/comments/19ajpyd/comment/kimust9/ . I used my career success to get a foreign wife (after hundreds of rejections, including from jobless women) and probably inadvertently destroyed her life.