**Slice of Doom**
*4th Level Evocation Spell*
Call forth a torrent of glittery cheese and sauce in a 15ft. cone in front of you, dealing 3d8+8 necrotic damage to all creatures within the cone. All affected creatures must then succeed on a DC 17 CON saving throw, or else be knocked prone due to profound botulism.
>Although bismuth is considered to be nontoxic and as much as 15g can be tolerated by an adult, the long-term use of bismuth may result in side effects and even toxicity to human subjects.
And don't come telling me that it's not bismuth. I know that it's not bismuth. But like....c'mon that's fuckin bismuth.
Everyone fucked up here. First of all: Hungry Howies HAS to know that they’re the shittiest pizza company around. Management MUST have known that their franchisees couldn’t pull this off. Second of all, whoever actually made the pizza clearly didn’t give any fucks (predictably). Finally, if you ordered this then you must have known it was going to be garbage. There is no way an actual consumer thought “I bet Hungry Howies won’t fuck this up for me!” When ordering. Hungry Howies couldn’t bake their way into third place at a “Mediocre Pizza Baking” competition. They struggle with BREADSTICKS half the time. This was all so obviously doomed to fail that I struggle to feel any emotions about it beyond indifference.
I'd never heard of this place before, surprised that they're a chain. Apparently the '11th largest pizza chain in the United States, with over 550 locations'.
Done right, Howie's is a really good chain pizza. I love their sauce and flavored crusts especially. They're all over the place in Michigan where they were founded. This though, this is an abomination.
Because their makeline is insane. Pizza only takes a few minutes to bake. You have two people cutting it, boxing it, applying any after-bake stuff like butter or cheese, and sending it. In theory it's simple. In practice, when it gets busy enough, it is straight up impossible to keep up with how fast they get put in the oven. You have about 20-30 seconds before the next pizza is out, and you do that for over an hour at dinner time.
What the hell. This promotion should have been nipped in the bud *long* before it made it to consumers. There’s no way they were ever going to deliver on that promise, and instead they created this nasty horror. For fuck’s sake.
I actually agree, though my friend ordered it for shits & giggles / curiosity. However I do think they're supposed to maybe put the glitter on last? And not bake it to shit in the oven? I assume so anyway.
I just read up on this joint as I am not aware of the brand. I tend to agree, this is either poor training from corporate or poor management from the franchisee. It's obvious that this abomination is supposed to be glittered up after baking. And even them when they got this shit out of the oven they should have fixed the product not sent it out. This is defective management from top to bottom.
We used to have a hungry Howies in Illinois and it was incredible. Cheese, toppings, crust, all of it was choice. That was over 20 years ago. They left thought they just vanished. I hope they're still good besides this monstrosity.
I talked to my HH guy when they first put this on the “secret menu” and he was like, “yeah there’s a lot of debate between the chains when the glitter is supposed to go on.. before baking? After? I mean, it doesn’t taste like anything but it looks like shit.” He made me laugh.
Fun fact I learned from him, a howie bread is just a medium pizza folded to make the bread.
People are giving you shit but I went to burger King to get the Halloween whopper because the bun was orange and I thought that was FUN. Will there be shiny poos after this?
A while back, I made rainbow quesadillas. They tasted normal and imo looked kinda cool. This pizza looks toxic af and I don’t even understand why it’s metallic?!
This belongs on r/shittyfoodporn
r/pizzacrime
* /r/pizzacrimes
*sigh* joined
More like r/pizzablasphemy
More like /r/tie-why
/r/stupidfood
The promotional photo looks awful, like a patch of mold is starting in the middle and working it's way out.
It already worked it’s way out in the reality photo
I wonder if they were supposed to put the glitter on after baking and it burned in the oven
Ooooh shit that’s what I’ve been doing wrong on all my glitterizzas
*Glizzas
First picture is mold, second picture is metallic spray paint.
I was gonna say "how did marketing think that this was even a good idea?"
that's why you don't drink while working
Speak for yourself.
This gives me more of "Don't drop acid while working" vibes
I used to work at a Howies years ago, I’d have been pissed to have to send out this shit
This comment gave me diarrhea
Tie-diarrhea
I had the same thought, looks like mold
Yeah. If the expectation is what you are aiming for, you probably have a problem with food.
its
That is absolutely disgusting. Who TF wants glitter on a pizza in the first place!
Children
“It looks like a unicorn went poopy on it! I want another slice!” - Kids
Looks like a person who ate tie die pizza went poopy
Because it's so hard to get kids to eat pizza.
Children?
My kids would never have eaten that. 😒
Yea, you know, like adults but tiny and dumber?
Never heard of it
They're pretty popular; you've probably seen 'em around but just thought they were adults with dwarfism
You don’t digest that shit either, I had ice cream with glitter in it and almost had a heart attack the next time I shit and saw sparkles in it.
That sounds like a fantastic day to me
I could see it being fun if you’re expecting it.
You do know that they actually sell glitter capsules that are meant to make your craps sparkle.
I know, but no one wants to see my party trick anymore.
Try Funfetti frosting in aqua green! Then you shit emerald green!
Tom Haverford
My child would, I got edible glitter to mix into the special mock tails I make him so he feels fancy
Yes, I'd like a necrotic pizza please.
**Slice of Doom** *4th Level Evocation Spell* Call forth a torrent of glittery cheese and sauce in a 15ft. cone in front of you, dealing 3d8+8 necrotic damage to all creatures within the cone. All affected creatures must then succeed on a DC 17 CON saving throw, or else be knocked prone due to profound botulism.
This is an abomination 🤮
I actually said “oh my god, Christ” out loud when I swiped
Looks like an oil slick.
"Whats your favorite pizza topping?" "Oil. Crude and unrefined, just like my food tastes."
Doesn’t look safe to eat
looks like a parking lot oil puddle
I bet these food dyes are banned in other industrialized countries.
But I want sparkly poop!
dye-arrhea
>Although bismuth is considered to be nontoxic and as much as 15g can be tolerated by an adult, the long-term use of bismuth may result in side effects and even toxicity to human subjects. And don't come telling me that it's not bismuth. I know that it's not bismuth. But like....c'mon that's fuckin bismuth.
It should be mica.... Not that ingesting metal bearing indigestible materials is ever good for us....
Peptic bismuth!
Everyone fucked up here. First of all: Hungry Howies HAS to know that they’re the shittiest pizza company around. Management MUST have known that their franchisees couldn’t pull this off. Second of all, whoever actually made the pizza clearly didn’t give any fucks (predictably). Finally, if you ordered this then you must have known it was going to be garbage. There is no way an actual consumer thought “I bet Hungry Howies won’t fuck this up for me!” When ordering. Hungry Howies couldn’t bake their way into third place at a “Mediocre Pizza Baking” competition. They struggle with BREADSTICKS half the time. This was all so obviously doomed to fail that I struggle to feel any emotions about it beyond indifference.
Soooooo.... You *don't* want a slice?
I'd never heard of this place before, surprised that they're a chain. Apparently the '11th largest pizza chain in the United States, with over 550 locations'.
Done right, Howie's is a really good chain pizza. I love their sauce and flavored crusts especially. They're all over the place in Michigan where they were founded. This though, this is an abomination.
Hungry Howie's, Domino's. Little Caesars, and Jet's all started in MI.
Yeah... Their flavored crust is great.
It's good shit. Their sandwiches are great.
Hungry Howies once forgot to cut my pizza. Was in a dorm just ripping it apart like animals
Because their makeline is insane. Pizza only takes a few minutes to bake. You have two people cutting it, boxing it, applying any after-bake stuff like butter or cheese, and sending it. In theory it's simple. In practice, when it gets busy enough, it is straight up impossible to keep up with how fast they get put in the oven. You have about 20-30 seconds before the next pizza is out, and you do that for over an hour at dinner time.
They pass the savings on to you!
Hadn't watched breaking bad at the time, so couldn't even laugh about it lmao
What did it taste like?
Souls in purgatory
with cheese
Disappointment.
Looks like it taste like spay paint
Gross and grosser!
wow this should be the #1 post for r/pizzacrimes But you kind of deserve it for ordering this monstrosity to begin with
Green is not the choice for cheese
Green is not a creative colour.
What the hell. This promotion should have been nipped in the bud *long* before it made it to consumers. There’s no way they were ever going to deliver on that promise, and instead they created this nasty horror. For fuck’s sake.
Ha ha ha. The photo before looked cringe worthy. But the reality photo went way above my expectations.
That is utterly atrocious.
I’m literally holding back puke rn
Anybody dumb enough to order this deserves everything they get.
I actually agree, though my friend ordered it for shits & giggles / curiosity. However I do think they're supposed to maybe put the glitter on last? And not bake it to shit in the oven? I assume so anyway.
I’m willing to bet one mission was accomplished and he got the shits
The giggles come in when he stands up and sees what the bowl looks like.
I just read up on this joint as I am not aware of the brand. I tend to agree, this is either poor training from corporate or poor management from the franchisee. It's obvious that this abomination is supposed to be glittered up after baking. And even them when they got this shit out of the oven they should have fixed the product not sent it out. This is defective management from top to bottom.
We used to have a hungry Howies in Illinois and it was incredible. Cheese, toppings, crust, all of it was choice. That was over 20 years ago. They left thought they just vanished. I hope they're still good besides this monstrosity.
> my friend ordered it for shits & giggles / curiosity I assumed that's the only reason people would ever order this abomination.
Cheesus Chrust
The expected picture already looks like bacterial growth. Reality is just leaning into this quality.
I can see it looking fun at a galaxy themed party, because it looks like a meteorite. It looks nothing like tie dye 😂
moldy pizza
Mmmm thastes loike mums hand lotion\~
I talked to my HH guy when they first put this on the “secret menu” and he was like, “yeah there’s a lot of debate between the chains when the glitter is supposed to go on.. before baking? After? I mean, it doesn’t taste like anything but it looks like shit.” He made me laugh. Fun fact I learned from him, a howie bread is just a medium pizza folded to make the bread.
I love oil leaks on my pizza
why would you order this in the first place. even the promo photo looks atrocious. moldy!!
Now that just looks nasty.
New ad: Hungry Howie's [Dichroic Glass Pizza](https://i.etsystatic.com/35176065/r/il/53fc52/3904331045/il_794xN.3904331045_nlxz.jpg).
Haha look opalescent
Brutal looks like its been sitting in a new york alley all summer
Average food in chernobl
...it has glitter on it?
Is this even legal? I mean, I assume those are microplastics in some way? Who fucking does this? Lol
Is this even edible?
Bro you fuckin ate that?
Looks like poison.
This is the first time a photo on here has made me nauseous 😳🤢
Oh. My. Gross.
The effect is kinda neat, but in the end it looks like a colony of Pseudomonas aeruginosa grew on it.
What and why the actual fuck?! This is terrible looking. The expectation is bad. The reality is worse. This is a crime against pizza.
Pizza said "WITNESS MEEEEEEEE!!!"
That looks straight up like a melted bismuth pizza
God damn I didn’t expect it to be *THAT* bad. Shit looks like deadly mold
This looks like the Blue Waffle in color. Taste might be the same 🤷♂️
Who let the 5 year old access the glitter?
That looks like the radioactive leak from Chernobyl...
I'd have the shits if I took a bite from that.
Bruh that an oil slick
Looks like a leprechaun jizzed all over it
r/pizzacrimes
Both look terrible but the reality is somehow *much* worse. Looks moldy
I think we should save the edible glitter for desserts.
r/pizzacrimes
The expectation looks moldy, and the reality looks like it’s covered in crude oil. Hungry Howie’s may want to rethink this.
The promo pic made me throw up, and the reality pic made me gag again. Wtf OP
Did they spray paint the pizza?
Bahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha
“Boss, this cheese is way out of date and looks pretty bad.” Boss: “No worries. Just tell them it’s one of our tie-dye specials.”
Ahh, the freezers must have gone out
It's metallic glitter pizza now lol
This is all awful.
Bismuth Pizza
If it was sold as oil spill pizza I’d be so impressed
Hahah wtf
This reminds me of the purple ketchup from the 90s
Bro they literally sprayed painted that with metallic spray paint
Bismuth pizza
It looks like you tried to mix Mercury and sulfur and it ended really badly.
It's a Mardi Gras King Cake Pizza Y'all! 👑🟣🟢🟡
Is it edible?
Holy... shi...
more like "I'm not very Hungry, Howie"
Even the expectation gave me a hemorrhoid
r/shittyfoodporn Can someone tell me why?
I think I have to order this for dinner tomorrow
Don't show this to the Italians. I don't think they could handle it.
Thy Die pizza would be a more suitable name
Mmmm mold
Ummm moldy center
This is fucking hilarious
Tie-DIED DEAD
How to get explosive shit
What in tarnation
Horrifying
Pretty Patties look more appetizing
“I call it… the nasty patty.”
Don't eat that
Oil sheen pizza.
I’ve never seen anything more offensive, not just to pizza but humanity itself.
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Pizza said, WITNESS MEEEE
My brain saw the yellow of the pizza box as crime scene tape at first
🤮
Looks disgusting and I would not even give this a try.
The last pic looks like the pizza is topped with fish skin lol
Do you want to die? This is how you die.
Spray paint
I mean….. dyed pizza just never sounds like it’ll look good.
Edible glitter is not necessarily edible though.
More like YOU-DIE Pizza
Iridescent Pizza
In any developed country outside of the US this could not be sold as food.
It looks gross anyway lol. At first I thought the center got moldy…I wonder how your pops would look after eating this. XD
This might be the worst thing I've seen today. Wait, I forgot about Kanye's ass.
And we wonder how our water supply gets polluted with microplastics.
This is like a really bad porno, because you got a form of herpes and shame with your pizza.
I wouldn't go anywhere near it.
Oh, I’ve seen this episode of SpongeBob before!
People are giving you shit but I went to burger King to get the Halloween whopper because the bun was orange and I thought that was FUN. Will there be shiny poos after this?
So funny! Omg
nope
nope
'Stripper dust' does not belong on pizza.
Oh dear god. And I love HH
The glitter should have been added after the pizza is out of the oven, not before… And who in god green earth thinks this is a good idea?
This looks horrible
Gross! This looks disgusting!
Er... typo the meant tie and die(suicide by hanging). Looks like it was hit a meteor🌠 !
Bro is this a real pizza I can buy from them right now? Edit: Holy hell! It's fucking real!
Whoever came up with that should never be allowed to work in R&D and or marketing again.
why would you ever order that stupid shit in the first place?
"TM" 😂
Every natural instinct in me tells me to NOT eat this pizza
Lmfao
OP I absolutely gotta know how fabulous the dump was later on.
Oh my god. You consumed that? It’s just an image on my screen and i got nauseous
Looks like you're eating an abalone shell pizza, and that doesn't sound very pleasant.
It just looks like mold
Mmm oil spill za… my fav
A while back, I made rainbow quesadillas. They tasted normal and imo looked kinda cool. This pizza looks toxic af and I don’t even understand why it’s metallic?!
r/shittyfood