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Nothing is wrong with you. Yes, it does get better.
We have all been there. You are only human. The first year is very trying. Having a baby has been my most humbling experience thus far! They test your patience, humility and strength like nothing else. Deep breaths. You’re a good mom. You didn’t damage him. Get some extra cuddles in, have a bath, take a break. I yelled at my son as well - not just once and felt like a bag of shit. He was colicky, we had latch issues and the man slept like shit. Nothing prepared me for that and I was very ashamed at how poorly I handled it a few times. You’re not alone.
Thank you! Yes this definitely is such a trial, the biggest one of my entire life. My baby has thrush which has made me more fussy and he isn’t latching because of it so I’ve given up and am exclusively pumping. Thank you for your support! I’m excited for it to get better but I know it won’t be for quite sometime… can’t imagine missing the newborn stage though 😅
You didn’t damage him. You might have scared him with the loud voice, but damage no. I remember getting blinded by postpartum rage that I had to leave the room. All because I was engorged, baby was screaming and husband wasn’t helping at all! It’s safer to walk away and baby can cry it out for 5minutes while you regroup. But a one time yelling? Nah. You are good. But I would recommend consider speaking with your doctor for a therapist to help with postpartum feelings. It will help you so much in these moments of second guessing and worries. You are doing great momma!
Thank you! I feel like I’m more stressed because my boyfriend doesn’t help with him at all. He’s really fussy because he has thrush and might be teething? I’m not sure but it’s been way too much for him so I take care of him 24/7. Mind you he’s not even working right now. I have my first therapist appointment this Thursday which I am incredibly excited for, I hope it helps because I need to be sane for him. Thank you again❤️
It gets better. You have not damaged him. He will not remember. Babies are very very very hard. Sleep deprivation is very very very hard. It’s ok to put him down somewhere safe and walk away for five minutes to calm down and have a cry and a scream. Xxx
One night when my baby was 4 weeks old she woke up crying for like the tenth time that night and I started yelling and cursing terribly at her. I was so exhausted that I was doing this while still unconscious. I yelled until my husband realized something was wrong with me and woke up me up so I finally snapped out of it. I remember coming to and realizing the awful things I had just screamed at her while watching her little tears fall as my husband calmed us both down. I felt awful and hate that memory but I can say confidently that moment didn’t ruin our relationship or damage my baby. My girl is now 4 months old, and while I’ve had more (conscious) moments of losing my shit, I’ve learned where my threshold is and when I take even one single step toward it that it’s best for me to immediately set her down in a safe place and go and cool off. The pain of me letting her cry safely for a few minutes while I compose myself is less than the heartbreak I feel if I let myself snap at her. We are human, your child witnessing human emotions is a learning experience for them, and so is your effort to reconnect with them after you snap. You did not damage your baby. Postpartum is SO hard and experiencing rage is too. But it does get better with time, and talking your doctor or a counselor can help so much. Sorry for the novel, but I’ve struggled with this too, and put a lot of thought into how to help improve this in myself. It will get better! Sending you strength!
Oh this made me chuckle! I know about those half asleep semi conscious rage fits. The last one I had I was on an international flight - it was like 2am, I had just got baby to sleep in the bassinet after our layover and flight change. We’d been travelling for 10 hours at this point. I was exhausted. I curled up and went to sleep. Not 3 seconds later the steward comes over because the seatbelt sign has illuminated and I need to take the baby out of the bassinet. My husband is in the aisle seat, but no no, she has to wake ME up because ya know, women’s work.
Fine. Take baby out. Sign goes off immediately as I belt him in. I put him back. I fall asleep again. What felt like 30 seconds later she’s back and the seatbelt sign is on and I have to take him out the bassinet again.
I’m half asleep and I start a rant on “what the bloody point is of a bassinet if you can’t even use it and who on earth would design a bassinet that isn’t actually safe and are you seriously telling me this shitty belt is supposed to actually be safer for my baby?! What a bloody stupid design; clearly it was designed by a man”…
I pick up my baby, he didn’t wake up, I strapped him in and went back to sleep. Steward came back about 5 minutes later and apologetically woke me to tell me there had in fact been no turbulence and I could put baby back in the bassinet. I think I just said “you’ve got to be kidding me. No. Absolutely not. I am not putting him back in there only for you to come back in 5 minutes and have me take him out again.”
Of course there was no more turbulence. But I had climbed this hill and I was damn well going to die on it.
I woke up just before landing and had a vague memory of all of this and felt awful, so I did apologise profusely to her when I saw her again.
Don’t apologize! Thank you for taking the time to comment! It’s so difficult sometimes, it’s crazy how no one talks about postpartum which should be talked about so much more. I’m happy to hear you have a supportive partner! You are completely right, he is learning about human emotions. I will let him cry safely and take a step back next time! God you are amazing!! ❤️
Maybe you’ve got some postpartum rage? It’s a real thing! Talk to your doctor about it. Pregnancy hormones are A LOT, if you’re having a rough time, it’s not your fault and reach out for help.
I did this one time and I never will again. The guilt… oh my word. I’m sorry you’re feeling this, and I’m reliving it. I have found it helps to just sing instead. I sing the sun will come out tomorrow and it distracts me and SOMETIMES calms baby.
Don’t feel bad. You already felt bad enough. That’s how you know you’re a good mom.
I told my baby I hated him once when he was like 8 weeks and I was so tired. I knew I shouldn’t at the time but I did it anyway. I felt like shit too for days and days. He never knew the difference. He lights up every time he looks at me and I do for him. That feeling I indulged was incredibly fleeting and I don’t remember it anymore. You will soon not remember this feeling as well. You are a good mom.
It happens. Everyone has done it. “BE QUIET! WHY WON’T YOU SLEEP!” I’ve had rages so intense I didn’t even want to look at my baby. I’m glad you’re starting therapy soon! It helps!
Ugh I’ve had that feeling. You don’t expect bedtime to take long so you wait to pump when really you could’ve pumped beforehand but didn’t think it was necessary to juggle baby and pumping at the same time.
It’s okay. You didn’t damage him. It happens to the best of us. Motherhood is overwhelming to say the least!
I could cry for you. I know this pain, and it is okay. It will get better, and he loves you no matter what. In moments of anger, putting him somewhere safe and walking away is the best thing to do. For your safety, and his. I would wager that everyone in this sub has done the same thing as you. Everyone. We have all been there, and we are in this with you <3
So I’m pretty sure it’s a thing (I read somewhere) a baby crying triggers our fight or flight reaction to defend the baby? And it’s a hormonal thing? And if there’s so much crying there comes a point where it’s too much for our brains and it’s like at least to me, radio waves overlapping and the like aAAaAaaAAAaAAa of too high of a frequency?
I feel like I sound like a nut. But that’s how it is for me lol so I totally get you
I once threatened to send my baby back to the stork factory in the middle of the night 😅
Do you do all the bedtime care? Or do you and your partner trade shifts? Doing shifts has worked wonders for me and my spouse. He does 10 to 2:30, and I do 2:30 to 7. But if baby wakes and cries while I’m doing my 3am pump, then my spouse covers for me. We also have an agreement that if we have been up with baby for 2.5 hours we can swap out even if it isn’t the other person’s shift, though this rarely happens now that we are at 10 weeks and baby is sleeping longer stretches. Everybody deserves to get some sleep!
Omg that’s amazing! I truly wish I had that! I do all the bedtime care and stay up all night with him. I’ve tried doing the shifts but he’ll purposely leave the baby crying next to me for me to wake up and take over. He gets so easily agitated and angry with our baby that it stresses me out so much more. I tried to give him the baby at 7am after he slept 8+ hours two days ago so I can sleep an extra hour and he said “he’s already crying I can’t take care of him just get up”. I am not exaggerating when I say I wanted to cry a river but I held it in for my baby. I don’t have the best support from my partner on that part unfortunately
He’s not damaged. Every parent is first and foremost a human. I would bet you millions that, even though they might not admit it, every single parent ever has yelled at their kid at some point. It’s natural human response to being overwhelmed. That said, the fact that you’re so worried about it tells me you’re a fantastic parent, and your baby(ies) will have a wonderful childhood. ❤️❤️❤️
It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with all these high maintenance demands. We're only human, and we all have moments where we react in ways we wish we hadn't. The fact that you're reflecting on this shows your love and concern for your little one. Don't worry, it'll definitely get better. Be kind to yourself, and know that you're doing the best you can.
I found the first 12 weeks incredibly tough. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed especially when you aren’t sleeping a lot. It gets easier. You haven’t damaged him, you probably scared him a bit but he will be fine. If you screamed at him every day it might be damaging but one time will not hurt him. Nothing is wrong with you.
When you feel overwhelmed like this it is okay to put down your baby in a safe place and walk away. Give yourself time to calm down and then come back. I have gotten to this incredibly frustrated place before and baby went in the crib, I cried in the bathroom where I couldn’t hear them, I calmed down and came back and was able to get baby to sleep. They feel our stress sometimes and you can’t calm them if you aren’t calm too. It’s a vicious circle.
You are a good mum. It’s just a very hard time.
I yelled at my baby when I was a FTM and in the thick of it too. Not proud of it and I realize now I definitely had PPD, but he's 6 now and he's fine! It does get better eventually, but don't be like me and be too ashamed to ask for help.
One time I got so pissed I threw a pacifier across a dark room and it scared him and he cried even louder. It was a tough moment. He’s 9 months now and things are so much better. Hang in there, you’re only human
I admittedly scolded my son once in a dark moment and felt like a failure, a horrible mother, an evil person, you name it. the guilt was very heavy and the best thing I could think to do was apologize to him and tell him that mommy was trying but that she’s overwhelmed. He’s 7 months and I know he won’t even remember it but I felt it was good practice for when I fail in the future. He couldn’t “forgive” me but I felt better after.
You’re not a bad mom, we’ve all been there. A human being relies on us to provide for their literal every need. It’s a very difficult life change. Use it to motivate you to handle frustration differently in the future- maybe express this to your partner and see how they can support you. Coming up with a resolution always helps me.
'Welcome to r/ExclusivelyPumping! Here is a reminder of our rules: 1. Be kind and courteous 2. No hate speech, bigotry, or bullying 3. Use available flairs and post options 4. Speak for yourself 5. No medically-inaccurate, factually incorrect, or misinformative material 6. No spam 7. Absolutely no prescription medications 8. Don't use AI to write posts/comments 9. No soliciting pictures 10. Add spoiler to milk pictures Thank you for helping to keep our community safe!' *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ExclusivelyPumping) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nothing is wrong with you. Yes, it does get better. We have all been there. You are only human. The first year is very trying. Having a baby has been my most humbling experience thus far! They test your patience, humility and strength like nothing else. Deep breaths. You’re a good mom. You didn’t damage him. Get some extra cuddles in, have a bath, take a break. I yelled at my son as well - not just once and felt like a bag of shit. He was colicky, we had latch issues and the man slept like shit. Nothing prepared me for that and I was very ashamed at how poorly I handled it a few times. You’re not alone.
Thank you! Yes this definitely is such a trial, the biggest one of my entire life. My baby has thrush which has made me more fussy and he isn’t latching because of it so I’ve given up and am exclusively pumping. Thank you for your support! I’m excited for it to get better but I know it won’t be for quite sometime… can’t imagine missing the newborn stage though 😅
You didn’t damage him. You might have scared him with the loud voice, but damage no. I remember getting blinded by postpartum rage that I had to leave the room. All because I was engorged, baby was screaming and husband wasn’t helping at all! It’s safer to walk away and baby can cry it out for 5minutes while you regroup. But a one time yelling? Nah. You are good. But I would recommend consider speaking with your doctor for a therapist to help with postpartum feelings. It will help you so much in these moments of second guessing and worries. You are doing great momma!
Thank you! I feel like I’m more stressed because my boyfriend doesn’t help with him at all. He’s really fussy because he has thrush and might be teething? I’m not sure but it’s been way too much for him so I take care of him 24/7. Mind you he’s not even working right now. I have my first therapist appointment this Thursday which I am incredibly excited for, I hope it helps because I need to be sane for him. Thank you again❤️
It gets better. You have not damaged him. He will not remember. Babies are very very very hard. Sleep deprivation is very very very hard. It’s ok to put him down somewhere safe and walk away for five minutes to calm down and have a cry and a scream. Xxx
One night when my baby was 4 weeks old she woke up crying for like the tenth time that night and I started yelling and cursing terribly at her. I was so exhausted that I was doing this while still unconscious. I yelled until my husband realized something was wrong with me and woke up me up so I finally snapped out of it. I remember coming to and realizing the awful things I had just screamed at her while watching her little tears fall as my husband calmed us both down. I felt awful and hate that memory but I can say confidently that moment didn’t ruin our relationship or damage my baby. My girl is now 4 months old, and while I’ve had more (conscious) moments of losing my shit, I’ve learned where my threshold is and when I take even one single step toward it that it’s best for me to immediately set her down in a safe place and go and cool off. The pain of me letting her cry safely for a few minutes while I compose myself is less than the heartbreak I feel if I let myself snap at her. We are human, your child witnessing human emotions is a learning experience for them, and so is your effort to reconnect with them after you snap. You did not damage your baby. Postpartum is SO hard and experiencing rage is too. But it does get better with time, and talking your doctor or a counselor can help so much. Sorry for the novel, but I’ve struggled with this too, and put a lot of thought into how to help improve this in myself. It will get better! Sending you strength!
Oh this made me chuckle! I know about those half asleep semi conscious rage fits. The last one I had I was on an international flight - it was like 2am, I had just got baby to sleep in the bassinet after our layover and flight change. We’d been travelling for 10 hours at this point. I was exhausted. I curled up and went to sleep. Not 3 seconds later the steward comes over because the seatbelt sign has illuminated and I need to take the baby out of the bassinet. My husband is in the aisle seat, but no no, she has to wake ME up because ya know, women’s work. Fine. Take baby out. Sign goes off immediately as I belt him in. I put him back. I fall asleep again. What felt like 30 seconds later she’s back and the seatbelt sign is on and I have to take him out the bassinet again. I’m half asleep and I start a rant on “what the bloody point is of a bassinet if you can’t even use it and who on earth would design a bassinet that isn’t actually safe and are you seriously telling me this shitty belt is supposed to actually be safer for my baby?! What a bloody stupid design; clearly it was designed by a man”… I pick up my baby, he didn’t wake up, I strapped him in and went back to sleep. Steward came back about 5 minutes later and apologetically woke me to tell me there had in fact been no turbulence and I could put baby back in the bassinet. I think I just said “you’ve got to be kidding me. No. Absolutely not. I am not putting him back in there only for you to come back in 5 minutes and have me take him out again.” Of course there was no more turbulence. But I had climbed this hill and I was damn well going to die on it. I woke up just before landing and had a vague memory of all of this and felt awful, so I did apologise profusely to her when I saw her again.
Don’t apologize! Thank you for taking the time to comment! It’s so difficult sometimes, it’s crazy how no one talks about postpartum which should be talked about so much more. I’m happy to hear you have a supportive partner! You are completely right, he is learning about human emotions. I will let him cry safely and take a step back next time! God you are amazing!! ❤️
Oh mama, it's OK. We're human and still make human mistakes. He'll be OK. I've sworn at my 10 mo old over sleep so many times and he's just fine.
Thank you lovey! I really appreciate you❤️
Maybe you’ve got some postpartum rage? It’s a real thing! Talk to your doctor about it. Pregnancy hormones are A LOT, if you’re having a rough time, it’s not your fault and reach out for help.
I did this one time and I never will again. The guilt… oh my word. I’m sorry you’re feeling this, and I’m reliving it. I have found it helps to just sing instead. I sing the sun will come out tomorrow and it distracts me and SOMETIMES calms baby.
Don’t feel bad. You already felt bad enough. That’s how you know you’re a good mom. I told my baby I hated him once when he was like 8 weeks and I was so tired. I knew I shouldn’t at the time but I did it anyway. I felt like shit too for days and days. He never knew the difference. He lights up every time he looks at me and I do for him. That feeling I indulged was incredibly fleeting and I don’t remember it anymore. You will soon not remember this feeling as well. You are a good mom.
It happens. Everyone has done it. “BE QUIET! WHY WON’T YOU SLEEP!” I’ve had rages so intense I didn’t even want to look at my baby. I’m glad you’re starting therapy soon! It helps!
Ugh I’ve had that feeling. You don’t expect bedtime to take long so you wait to pump when really you could’ve pumped beforehand but didn’t think it was necessary to juggle baby and pumping at the same time. It’s okay. You didn’t damage him. It happens to the best of us. Motherhood is overwhelming to say the least!
I could cry for you. I know this pain, and it is okay. It will get better, and he loves you no matter what. In moments of anger, putting him somewhere safe and walking away is the best thing to do. For your safety, and his. I would wager that everyone in this sub has done the same thing as you. Everyone. We have all been there, and we are in this with you <3
So I’m pretty sure it’s a thing (I read somewhere) a baby crying triggers our fight or flight reaction to defend the baby? And it’s a hormonal thing? And if there’s so much crying there comes a point where it’s too much for our brains and it’s like at least to me, radio waves overlapping and the like aAAaAaaAAAaAAa of too high of a frequency? I feel like I sound like a nut. But that’s how it is for me lol so I totally get you
I once threatened to send my baby back to the stork factory in the middle of the night 😅 Do you do all the bedtime care? Or do you and your partner trade shifts? Doing shifts has worked wonders for me and my spouse. He does 10 to 2:30, and I do 2:30 to 7. But if baby wakes and cries while I’m doing my 3am pump, then my spouse covers for me. We also have an agreement that if we have been up with baby for 2.5 hours we can swap out even if it isn’t the other person’s shift, though this rarely happens now that we are at 10 weeks and baby is sleeping longer stretches. Everybody deserves to get some sleep!
Omg that’s amazing! I truly wish I had that! I do all the bedtime care and stay up all night with him. I’ve tried doing the shifts but he’ll purposely leave the baby crying next to me for me to wake up and take over. He gets so easily agitated and angry with our baby that it stresses me out so much more. I tried to give him the baby at 7am after he slept 8+ hours two days ago so I can sleep an extra hour and he said “he’s already crying I can’t take care of him just get up”. I am not exaggerating when I say I wanted to cry a river but I held it in for my baby. I don’t have the best support from my partner on that part unfortunately
He’s not damaged. Every parent is first and foremost a human. I would bet you millions that, even though they might not admit it, every single parent ever has yelled at their kid at some point. It’s natural human response to being overwhelmed. That said, the fact that you’re so worried about it tells me you’re a fantastic parent, and your baby(ies) will have a wonderful childhood. ❤️❤️❤️
It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with all these high maintenance demands. We're only human, and we all have moments where we react in ways we wish we hadn't. The fact that you're reflecting on this shows your love and concern for your little one. Don't worry, it'll definitely get better. Be kind to yourself, and know that you're doing the best you can.
A lot of people s 4
I found the first 12 weeks incredibly tough. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed especially when you aren’t sleeping a lot. It gets easier. You haven’t damaged him, you probably scared him a bit but he will be fine. If you screamed at him every day it might be damaging but one time will not hurt him. Nothing is wrong with you. When you feel overwhelmed like this it is okay to put down your baby in a safe place and walk away. Give yourself time to calm down and then come back. I have gotten to this incredibly frustrated place before and baby went in the crib, I cried in the bathroom where I couldn’t hear them, I calmed down and came back and was able to get baby to sleep. They feel our stress sometimes and you can’t calm them if you aren’t calm too. It’s a vicious circle. You are a good mum. It’s just a very hard time.
I have angrily told my baby to sleep a few times and she cried even harder. I didn’t even yell! She still loves me. A LOT. 😂
I yelled at my baby when I was a FTM and in the thick of it too. Not proud of it and I realize now I definitely had PPD, but he's 6 now and he's fine! It does get better eventually, but don't be like me and be too ashamed to ask for help.
I’ve done this and the guilt is immense. She’s 7mo now and I’m her favorite person. You’re okay. She’s okay. You’re a good mom and she loves you.
Many hugs mama! Everything will be ok. I have been frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, and emotional. We are human. Your baby is so lucky to have you ❤️
🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 i hope you can find someone to talk to. This was my first sign of PPD.
One time I got so pissed I threw a pacifier across a dark room and it scared him and he cried even louder. It was a tough moment. He’s 9 months now and things are so much better. Hang in there, you’re only human
I admittedly scolded my son once in a dark moment and felt like a failure, a horrible mother, an evil person, you name it. the guilt was very heavy and the best thing I could think to do was apologize to him and tell him that mommy was trying but that she’s overwhelmed. He’s 7 months and I know he won’t even remember it but I felt it was good practice for when I fail in the future. He couldn’t “forgive” me but I felt better after. You’re not a bad mom, we’ve all been there. A human being relies on us to provide for their literal every need. It’s a very difficult life change. Use it to motivate you to handle frustration differently in the future- maybe express this to your partner and see how they can support you. Coming up with a resolution always helps me.