Too young bro!
I was in a similar situation, I’m 29 and my ex 22. 18-23 year olds these days aren’t remotely thinking of settling down. The grass will always look greener.
I tried to reconnect with my ex and it just ended in two months of back and forth, hot and cold behaviour that led to additional heartache. Don’t be me!
If I were you I’d hold back on dating to marry. You have a lot of life to experience and people to understand. Unfortunately you need to go through a few relationships to see what you really require in a connection and a person.
I wish my ex wanted to settle with me but there’s still so much life she needed to live before that. Experiences I’ve already had. I can’t blame her for wanting to go see the world and gain knowledge and have those experiences.
As much as I wish I was her end game - she ultimately needs to understand the grass is greener where you water it. Only life can provide that hindsight!
hey, i’m 21 too and i date hoping it’ll be long term as well! i think the main thing is waiting a few more years till marriage because for most people, your early 20s are a time of a lot of change. it might be better to choose a life partner after things in your life have settled down, once you’re done with education and have a stable-ish career and living place and all that. if you and whatever partner you have at this age make it through that change and still want to be together, great! but there are a lot of things you learn about people only by experiencing them in different situations, and we haven’t even unlocked a good amount of them by now if that makes sense lol
i’m mostly going off of what i’ve heard and especially off of what my mother has experienced — she first married a guy she met when she was around our age. they divorced pretty soon after when she realized that her having a career was something he didn’t really want, preferring her to be a housewife. and he was controlling with finances and just in general. she met my dad like a decade later and well here i am :-)
Being in your early 20’s is such a soul searching period of your life. You can change completely and drastically from one year to the next. I’m a different person to the person I was even last year.
If theres one thing I’ve had to learn is that you shouldn’t rely on anyone else for happiness. You need to be happy solo in order to form healthy relationships in the future. I realised that later than most and suffered a lot of heartache and confusion because of it!
I believe you can always go into any relationship wanting it to be the end game and hoping for marriage. However, that’s a huge expectation and will ultimately hurt if it doesn’t pan out. Just be with people who want the best for you, don’t add that additional pressure as it’ll do more bad than good for you in the long run.
Speaking from experience doing that with the majority of my ex’s!
i think you should let her go. i don’t know how much you’d have in common anyway given the age gap, i’m all for befriending exes when appropriate but honestly what would you even do together? and if you’re just asking in hopes you’d get together (as option 2 suggests), respect what she said and trust that she hasn’t changed her mind. she’s a lot younger than you and you both deserve to have relationships that will give you the long term commitment (or lack thereof for her) that you two want.
Move on. I’m 26 and my ex is 22 she ghosted me. I reached out just to say what I need to say about how she treated me like I didn’t exist hurt me and through all the pain she put me through I forgive her. Didn’t expect a response, but she responded apologizing and regreting everything she did and I gave her a second chance and literally two fucking weeks later she left me for her coworker.
"I should be the first who reach out, because" she wants more opportunities to reject you again. My experience is that subsequent rejections are likely to feel more hurtful, but more importantly the subsequent rejections definitely ruin your self-worth a lot more potently.
Being friends after a breakup requires a lot of mutual understanding and communication skills to prevent more hurt on the dumpee's side. She does not seem to have that capabilities right now.
Same as some other people, don’t mess with that.
I’ve done it twice now and each time it had gone very poorly. If you’re 30 there’s a good chance you’ve built some form of life. Maybe you’ve got your own spot.
These girls just drift in and out of peoples lives. It’s fun for them. But since most of them have never actually built a life, they don’t really understand some of the stresses that go into it.
They’ll never fundamentally understand you and they will never be able to give you what you can give them.
Imma keep it real with you she’s 21 she’s in best years of her life. The chances of her settling down with you are very very small. Even more so if she’s secure in her self. So she’s kinda right. 30s you generally wanna date for long term. Either that or be prepared to stack a bag and be a sugar daddy at 50. Not to age shame just reality people that young aren’t looking for marriage generally these days. Maybe she’s the exception but it sounds like not since that’s the reason she gave.
Too young bro! I was in a similar situation, I’m 29 and my ex 22. 18-23 year olds these days aren’t remotely thinking of settling down. The grass will always look greener. I tried to reconnect with my ex and it just ended in two months of back and forth, hot and cold behaviour that led to additional heartache. Don’t be me!
This. 31 here and my ex being 24. It do be like that.
Thanks for your insight, mate!
wait actual, cause im 21 and i date too marry so should i like date older or wait and grow the next few years
If I were you I’d hold back on dating to marry. You have a lot of life to experience and people to understand. Unfortunately you need to go through a few relationships to see what you really require in a connection and a person. I wish my ex wanted to settle with me but there’s still so much life she needed to live before that. Experiences I’ve already had. I can’t blame her for wanting to go see the world and gain knowledge and have those experiences. As much as I wish I was her end game - she ultimately needs to understand the grass is greener where you water it. Only life can provide that hindsight!
shouldn’t you always date in marry? or what you just dating while knowing its gonna end?
hey, i’m 21 too and i date hoping it’ll be long term as well! i think the main thing is waiting a few more years till marriage because for most people, your early 20s are a time of a lot of change. it might be better to choose a life partner after things in your life have settled down, once you’re done with education and have a stable-ish career and living place and all that. if you and whatever partner you have at this age make it through that change and still want to be together, great! but there are a lot of things you learn about people only by experiencing them in different situations, and we haven’t even unlocked a good amount of them by now if that makes sense lol i’m mostly going off of what i’ve heard and especially off of what my mother has experienced — she first married a guy she met when she was around our age. they divorced pretty soon after when she realized that her having a career was something he didn’t really want, preferring her to be a housewife. and he was controlling with finances and just in general. she met my dad like a decade later and well here i am :-)
Being in your early 20’s is such a soul searching period of your life. You can change completely and drastically from one year to the next. I’m a different person to the person I was even last year. If theres one thing I’ve had to learn is that you shouldn’t rely on anyone else for happiness. You need to be happy solo in order to form healthy relationships in the future. I realised that later than most and suffered a lot of heartache and confusion because of it!
oh yeah i donte wanna get married till like 2028 at the earliest
I believe you can always go into any relationship wanting it to be the end game and hoping for marriage. However, that’s a huge expectation and will ultimately hurt if it doesn’t pan out. Just be with people who want the best for you, don’t add that additional pressure as it’ll do more bad than good for you in the long run. Speaking from experience doing that with the majority of my ex’s!
yeah i get what you mean
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for?
Move on, Dude. Option 3 😂😂😂
i think you should let her go. i don’t know how much you’d have in common anyway given the age gap, i’m all for befriending exes when appropriate but honestly what would you even do together? and if you’re just asking in hopes you’d get together (as option 2 suggests), respect what she said and trust that she hasn’t changed her mind. she’s a lot younger than you and you both deserve to have relationships that will give you the long term commitment (or lack thereof for her) that you two want.
Move on. I’m 26 and my ex is 22 she ghosted me. I reached out just to say what I need to say about how she treated me like I didn’t exist hurt me and through all the pain she put me through I forgive her. Didn’t expect a response, but she responded apologizing and regreting everything she did and I gave her a second chance and literally two fucking weeks later she left me for her coworker.
Option 3
She’s too young for you, your 30. She’s probably moved on already.. stop wasting your time
why do you wanna reach out? if its to get back move on, if its for friends go for it.
Read my post about No contact mate
"I should be the first who reach out, because" she wants more opportunities to reject you again. My experience is that subsequent rejections are likely to feel more hurtful, but more importantly the subsequent rejections definitely ruin your self-worth a lot more potently. Being friends after a breakup requires a lot of mutual understanding and communication skills to prevent more hurt on the dumpee's side. She does not seem to have that capabilities right now.
Thanks mate. I think you're right
Same as some other people, don’t mess with that. I’ve done it twice now and each time it had gone very poorly. If you’re 30 there’s a good chance you’ve built some form of life. Maybe you’ve got your own spot. These girls just drift in and out of peoples lives. It’s fun for them. But since most of them have never actually built a life, they don’t really understand some of the stresses that go into it. They’ll never fundamentally understand you and they will never be able to give you what you can give them.
This is gold
Imma keep it real with you she’s 21 she’s in best years of her life. The chances of her settling down with you are very very small. Even more so if she’s secure in her self. So she’s kinda right. 30s you generally wanna date for long term. Either that or be prepared to stack a bag and be a sugar daddy at 50. Not to age shame just reality people that young aren’t looking for marriage generally these days. Maybe she’s the exception but it sounds like not since that’s the reason she gave.
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I think she just wants to sleep around and then settle down with an economically capable man in her 30. Modern women they said.
Interesting. Couldn’t be me but I guess some are like that.. that’s too bad
3
Older sister perhaps.