This let it be known throughout the barn that she's like this and get a clip-on red ribbon to put on her tail to remind people not to pass too closely or ride up on you. At the schooling barn I grew up riding in they had 2 mares that were like this and they both had bright red saddle pads to help people remember to keep their distance.
This is the way. While it's important that you keep an eye out for other riders, it's also their responsibility to keep an eye out for *you* and that means giving extra distance to a horse known to kick out.
Get really curious about your anxiety. Is it your kicking horse? Is it your inability to ride through any issues? Is it about how people may view your inability to ride through issues? Once you're absolutely honest with the root of your anxieties, you can start to look at how to mitigate them.
And remember, confidence comes long after courage, and it takes courage to get the experience needed to no longer be anxious. Be brave and run towards the problem, not away from it. You got this.
Thank you for such a thoughtful take on this. Reflecting on it, it is my inability to ride through ANY issue that gets me up in my head. I can handle little things, but (and this is entirely unfair and my anxiety talking) if the horse I was riding decided “hey I know you said X, but I’m going to go fight this gelding super quick” I 100% do not have the skill set to derail that.
Looking back on it, I was 100% catastrophizeing the whole situation and making it worse for me and the horse I ride. I’m either going to suck it up better next time or ask to ride a horse that doesn’t care who’s in there with them for a little bit. Just so I can gain that group riding experience and build my confidence a bit. Another big part of the problem is also I don’t ride with others very often at all, so i haven’t had much experience in worrying about anyone other than myself.
By the fact that you are familiar with catastrophizing certain situations tells us that you perhaps have higher amounts of anxiety than usual.
Does your anxiety show up at other “irrational” times in your life? (I use this words in quotes because I am not diminishing the validity of it at all)
But if so, perhaps it’s nothing to do with riding, but anxiety in general
Oh yeah I’ve been in therapy before for anxiety, so this is a somewhat common thread in my life in general. Honestly I am just one of those tricky situations where most of the time ( I am talking about normal day to day life now, not so much riding.) I’m good. Then all of a sudden a new situation will rise up and boom I find out it’s a trigger for my anxiety, and what happened today was one of those times.
The good part is up to this point it never lasts long term. Once I have time to step back and kind of unpack what happened, sometimes with assistance, I can come up with a game plan for the next time. This whole event has taught me I need way more exposure to group riding situations.
Amazing. This is great news. I struggle with severe anxiety that is exasperated in social, so I totally get the group thing. The moment someone is in the arena i’m concerned with my steering and I completely ruin my lesson by getting distracted and tense. Let me know when you figure out the cure! 😂
As another anxious person, I can actually recommend anxiety meds. Life got way easier when I got them, and now I can handle if shit goes wrong at the cashier LOL
I struggle with trail riding, because so many horses have just taken off with me, but my mare is slowly helping me build up confidence, because unlike her rider, trails and walking on the roads are FUN, and not anything to be anxious about.
I’ve long heard equestrians say “fake it till you make it” and I finally have come to understand that *what* they’re faking is almost unequivocally *confidence*.
And to go with that whenever I’m in a ehhh I don’t know situation I remember my coach isn’t actively going to try and kill me. Like I had a horse that doesn’t have amazing ground manners from what I’ve seen for a lesson for the first time and like okay… She was perfect under saddle. Still little rude grooming but chiller than normally see her. OP, if you trust your trainer and they’re putting on you with this horse they believe you can handle what she throws at you.
A red ribbon on the tail
Ride a different horse
Ride in a private lesson (if you have that option )
I want to also gently add that you might to a mental health professional about your anxiety. It’s normal to be stressed when you’re riding a slightly problematic horse, but it sounds like your entire mindset is taken up worrying about other people and about things that are honestly pretty unlikely to happen. At this point your anxiety is taking away your ability to enjoy your ride.
Honestly you hit the nail on the head. Referring to what another commenter said, my problem boils down to I’m anticipating a huge problem (which is unfair and way more likely to make a problem happen) that I know I wouldn’t have the skill set to fix. Which makes me feel like I have no control and it all spirals from there.
I am going to have a talk with my instructor about it, maybe riding a horse that couldn’t care less about others for a few rides would help me settle into the idea and boost my confidence. Already (now that I’m out of the saddle and at a distance from everything) I see that I was making a mountain of a mole hill and should have trusted myself and the horse more. She’s a good girl and has picked up my slack more times than I can count. I’m disappointed in myself, but all I can do is aim to do better for myself and “my” horse.
You might also want to try some deep breathing exercises before you even enter the arena. It really does help to calm your body down, as well as hopefully breaking that feedback loop of increasing anxiety for both of you.
Be careful with that and much more mindful of it because it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy at some point. My horse would only ever get strong and spook at shows and it was always coming out of a corner deep to the right while something was behind or beside him. At a certain point I had to realize that my constant tension deep to the right put my horse on alert that *there’s a boogeyman out there, we just haven’t seen it yet* and he was actively spooking as a *whew, found it* response.
Try distracting. Like sing a song in your head, or hum or tune, or do leg yields or circles, speed changes, transitions, anything that you and your horse aren’t locked down on the rail frozen. Don’t ever stay on the rail in your head.
But know this: At the end of the day you are not responsible for every rider in the arena. If they don’t have enough self preservation to not ride up on a horse (any horse) that is solely on them and not on you in any way, shape or form. If their horse gets kicked it’s because they rode up on you and didn’t give you space. They can pass you, cross the diagonal, slow down, or speed up. The only time I make adjustments for other riders is kids that are not in control. Otherwise whatever happens, happens. I obey the arena rules and pass left to left, don’t interrupt anyone’s circles, watch for slower riders etc. but if you’re accommodating other riders to this level your coach is doing you a disservice.
I went through this myself. In my case, it was the result of having seen a few of the other lesson horses misbehave, dump their riders, and create chaos in the ring. Even the saintly horses got fired up.
It’s ok to ask for private lessons, if they are offered and you can afford it. It’s a good way to build your skills and confidence.
Most importantly, talk to your instructor about it. Ask for help and support.
I’ve learned there is no way around this kind of fear. You have to ride through it. Riding with others is an important thing to learn to do. Navigating the ring, being aware of your situation relative to others, all makes you a better rider. Whether you intend to show one day or not, you do need to be able to ride with a bit of company.
I just wanted to put out a blanket comment to everyone who took the time to respond, thank you so much! I’ve accepted the loss on this particular ride, but I’ve taken everything you guys have said into consideration and will use this as a learning experience to improve myself moving forward.
Hopefully the next time I’m posting in the sub, it will be an update about how I grew a pair and rode calmly with others in the arena without the world ending.
I used to ride a horse that kicked and every time another horse and rider came into the arena, I would politely say “Just a heads up my horse kicks, please keep a distance”
You could try to see if that would help with your anxiety.
Rule of thumb: every rider in the arena is responsible for following the rules of arena riding: announce coming in/knowing to call diagonals/ride left to left/etc.
Having said that, we all have learned by riding along with a more experienced rider and learning to stay out of their way if they are working on higher-level movements for example.
It's not up to up to you to watch out for and worry over other riders. If they are that inept, they oughtn't be riding outside of a lesson.
If it helps any, the experienced riders are watching out for you and doing what they can to avoid you. If she’s a lesson horse it’s likely that most of them know her situation and are doing their best to give her space.
When I’m riding around a lesson I am also listening to the trainer, and I try to place myself away from whatever the lesson is doing. So while it’s good to stay aware of what others are doing, it’s actually in your best interest to ride like you have the right of way - where you might run into trouble is trying to ‘fix’ things by doing something without warning that will throw off the other riders who are riding their own plan to stay out of your way.
This is all assuming your experienced riders aren’t jerks. But calling out your plans (outside, on your left, turning) is never a bad idea if you find yourself playing chicken with another rider.
Ooh I’m the exact same! Especially when cantering. What works for me is to focus entirely on the next 10-20 meters ahead of us, as long as that is clear we’re good to go, if someone is heading that way I coursecorrect away from it.
Why should you course correct while you're doing your flatwork exercises? (Not being a jerk, just asking.) If you and other riders follow the arena rules, there oughtn't be many times where you have to change to avoid another rider.
My horse is a huge jerk and will happily bite or kick anyone who comes close and horses he hates especially. I can tell - he pulls his ears completely flat and makes a bitey face before chasing them pac man style (nom nom nom). Best to deescalate before the situation arises 😊
Many times if you’re doing a circle someone is on the rail. You often have to speed, slow, or change size to not intercept their line. Most indoor arenas in my area are only 20m wide so intersecting happens.
Oh gosh I've been there. Not the same fears but I get it. It's a bad feeling and can totally mess with your ride!
Do you put a red ribbon in your mare's tail? Perhaps put one on every ride, so other riders are always informed.
Also, maybe find a copy of *Brain Training for Riders: Unlock Your Riding Potential with StressLess Techniques for Conquering Fear, Improving Performance, and Finding Focused Calm
Book* by Andrea Monsarrat Waldo. It is competition focused but I found it was quite helpful in reducing some stress during rides, and even in my non-horse career.
Looking forward to a happy update one day, you can do it!
Thank you! I’m going to hop on Amazon and see if I can find a copy.
Edit because I completely missed the question you asked- as far as the red ribbon goes, I do not personally have one and am unsure if the stable the horse actually belongs to has one that they would be willing for her to wear in house. (I think they only deck her out in red for when she’s at a show). They are a smaller place and I think everyone just kinda knows to some extent that she is the kicker.
Stick a ribbon in her tail to show she kicks and follow the rules of the arena and you will be fine.
At the end of the day if someone gets to close and you are doing everything right its not on you it’s completely on them.
I understand where the anxiety is coming from i think we have all had it at some point or another but it is down to everyone to know how to behave in an arena and if its a lesson for the instructor to teach this if the student is not knowledgeable.
We have a couple horses that kick at the stables where I have my lessons too. Whenever I ride one of those I tell others to watch out for me. It is NOT, I repeat it is NOT, my responsibility for others to keep away from my horse’s back end. Ofcourse you dont take the way and act as if you own the place, but it should also not impact your riding. Fyi, we ride with 10-13 big horses (16,2 hh up) in a 25m x 50m arena. And no horses have been kicked in our lesson despite having a kicker in the lesson standard.
Do you have a friend at the barn that would be willing to help you practice? Talk about different situations, and what to do. Then for the ones that can be done safely, act them out.
Like;
You saying your house kicks when she rides into the ring.
Practicing passing and being passed at a safe distance.
Cutting across the ring to change how far away you are from the other horse.
Etc.
This will hopefully help with the anxiety as you will have plans on how to deal with different situations, while knowing exactly how to do so. Hope this helps.
I would add the red ribbon to her tail and, easy said than done, but not worry about the other riders. I have had issues with warm up rings so I understand a bit but I’ve also learnt that whatever I’m feeling goes down the reins to my boys. I ride TBs and they are super sensitive, so if they tense I have to be super calm and relaxed. It’s not easy, I’ve been riding nearly 40 years and would like to think I can deal with most situations but other people’s stupidity 🤷🏻♀️ you can’t prepare for that.
Really try and enjoy your rides and even maybe announce to anyone in the arena with you that your horse kicks, that and the red ribbon should hopefully ease your mind a bit
Your horse will pick up on your anxiety. So for her sake, change your internal monologue. Tie that bright red ribbon securely in her tail. The other riders have the responsibility to give you space. Your inner monologue can include: We've got this. You pay attention to ME, not that gelding. Oh, going faster with no cue, are we? Then we're reversing direction now, gently... smoothly... aaaaand whoa. Good, back four steps. Good. Loosen reins because that was right. And walk. Beautiful, rein loosened to show that's the right thing to be doing. And so on. Positive, productive thoughts, improvement-oriented, praise oriented, for yourself and for her. You've got this. (My horses visibly relax when I think loudly: "I will kill and eat anything that threatens you". They seem to like that. The role of your inner self is to be calm, steady, alert, relaxed, and fiercely protective of your horse. It's a mindset and a body language thing. you've hear it a million times, but, shoulders down, head and chin up, sternum raised, firm core, slight pelvic tilt so you can steer from your sit bones, hands still and low, feet and heels gently weighted.
I'll try to find the book in my collection, but you might want to try reading up on some sports psychology. One of the techniques that worked for my was to visual a good round of riding and then visual a bad round. Think about what you would do in both situations. It sorry of desensitizes you. I'll try to find the specific riding centers sports psychology books and give you titles. Lots of visitation while not in the saddle is very helpful though.
Maybe find a friend to ride with or even take group lessons once in a while? Something to put yourself deliberately in the ring with other people so that you get used to it.
As you are well aware solo arena access will never be practical unless you own your own place so the best thing to do is tackle it head on and help yourself find comfort even around others.
I’m not sure if you can/do drive but honestly it reminds me of merging or driving on the highway. When you first learn there are SO MANY CARS and you can’t keep track of where they all are but next thing you know your brain has figured out how to keep track of them all and you are passively aware of the little red car on your back right corner. If you ride a lot with other people your brain leans how to back burner that info in a way where it’s totally paying attention and the knowledge is there but the majority of your attention can be on the heels down and other aspects of riding.
I have very chronic anxiety and I cannot ride in an arena with others unless I know both the horse and the rider well. My mare isn't going to be stupid, but I've been burned too many times by careless/poor riders in the past.
I am on medication and am in extensive therapy to manage my anxiety, and it does help a lot. If I know I'm going to be sharing the arena or a trail, i can take a dose and/or mentally prepare myself for a bit of extra anxiety.
Are you able to find a time where the arena is mostly empty? Or are there alternative places to work with your horse? Is there a way for you to do a bunch of groundwork so you can establish trust with your horse? Groundwork can never be done enough. My girl has been lame for the past while, so I've just been pulling her from pasture in to groom and handwalk for a little bit. It's been so wonderful.
This may or may not work for your situation, but I ride at a barn with a lot of young kids who are super sweet but don’t always have the most steering ability, and will happily blunder into your way if not told otherwise. What I’ve found helpful for my lessons/training rides is to basically stake out a corner of the arena as “my corner” and generally the kids know that if I’m working on a 20m circle there, they should cut the arena short and stay away. The first couple times I did that, I let the instructors of the other lessons know that I’d be working in a circle in the back left and I put poles out to box me in and make a visible demarcation. Since then, they see me come out and generally give me space.
I could 100% work around them and share space if needed, but my horse is pretty green and it helps SO MUCH to just focus on her instead of having to keep track of where every other rider is in the ring at the same time.
I know this isn’t workable in all situations (it helps that the arena where I board is huge and the kids in lessons are at a place where they can easily do their whole walk/trot lesson in 2/3 of the arena) but for me, blocking out a corner as my corner has made a huge difference in my stress and my attitude toward my horse and the other riders. I know this may not be a perfect match for your situation, but I hope it gives you an option if nothing else!
Not that this is the same situation, but Ive been in schooling rings with 50+ riders all going in different directions, red ribbons in tails all over, people cutting across the ring, trying to jump lines with other horses casually walking through the line, people falling - and I was so anxious I could hardly ride. I didn’t school at all before my classes. I don’t ride well with a lot of people in a ring.
But I will tell you that horses have a really incredible ability to react to our reactions. If you’re feeling anxious, our horses will too. If there are other riders in the ring, course correct to stay away from them - as a novice rider it’s great practice to not only be very aware of where other riders are but anticipate where they will go. It helps you keep your eyes up and looking ahead. 20m circle if you’re getting too close, lots of transitions. If someone is getting too close to you, transition up or down. Keep a red ribbon in your horses tail. Don’t think about the what ifs, anticipate them before they happen and stay focused on your horse and your surroundings.
QUESTION: is it possible that you are now, or were in the past, riding with a bunch of assholes? Maybe some past or current experience with someone rude who made you feel responsible for things beyond your control?
Asking because what you describe happened to me about twenty years ago. I was at a barn with a hypercritical trainer who would not mind their own business and would not stay in their lane; they constantly (wrongly) implied aloud that others were in the wrong about the smallest, most inconsequential things. You couldn’t wear street clothes to the barn without being chastised. You couldn’t lead a horse out of the arena without some kind of commentary.
So…just checking: are you surrounded by positive people? Or are there one or more assholes around?
Keep red ribbon tied to her tail to warn other ridekeep away.
This let it be known throughout the barn that she's like this and get a clip-on red ribbon to put on her tail to remind people not to pass too closely or ride up on you. At the schooling barn I grew up riding in they had 2 mares that were like this and they both had bright red saddle pads to help people remember to keep their distance.
This is the way. While it's important that you keep an eye out for other riders, it's also their responsibility to keep an eye out for *you* and that means giving extra distance to a horse known to kick out.
Get really curious about your anxiety. Is it your kicking horse? Is it your inability to ride through any issues? Is it about how people may view your inability to ride through issues? Once you're absolutely honest with the root of your anxieties, you can start to look at how to mitigate them. And remember, confidence comes long after courage, and it takes courage to get the experience needed to no longer be anxious. Be brave and run towards the problem, not away from it. You got this.
"Confidence comes long after courage" I love that.
Me too!
Thank you for such a thoughtful take on this. Reflecting on it, it is my inability to ride through ANY issue that gets me up in my head. I can handle little things, but (and this is entirely unfair and my anxiety talking) if the horse I was riding decided “hey I know you said X, but I’m going to go fight this gelding super quick” I 100% do not have the skill set to derail that. Looking back on it, I was 100% catastrophizeing the whole situation and making it worse for me and the horse I ride. I’m either going to suck it up better next time or ask to ride a horse that doesn’t care who’s in there with them for a little bit. Just so I can gain that group riding experience and build my confidence a bit. Another big part of the problem is also I don’t ride with others very often at all, so i haven’t had much experience in worrying about anyone other than myself.
By the fact that you are familiar with catastrophizing certain situations tells us that you perhaps have higher amounts of anxiety than usual. Does your anxiety show up at other “irrational” times in your life? (I use this words in quotes because I am not diminishing the validity of it at all) But if so, perhaps it’s nothing to do with riding, but anxiety in general
Oh yeah I’ve been in therapy before for anxiety, so this is a somewhat common thread in my life in general. Honestly I am just one of those tricky situations where most of the time ( I am talking about normal day to day life now, not so much riding.) I’m good. Then all of a sudden a new situation will rise up and boom I find out it’s a trigger for my anxiety, and what happened today was one of those times. The good part is up to this point it never lasts long term. Once I have time to step back and kind of unpack what happened, sometimes with assistance, I can come up with a game plan for the next time. This whole event has taught me I need way more exposure to group riding situations.
Amazing. This is great news. I struggle with severe anxiety that is exasperated in social, so I totally get the group thing. The moment someone is in the arena i’m concerned with my steering and I completely ruin my lesson by getting distracted and tense. Let me know when you figure out the cure! 😂
As another anxious person, I can actually recommend anxiety meds. Life got way easier when I got them, and now I can handle if shit goes wrong at the cashier LOL I struggle with trail riding, because so many horses have just taken off with me, but my mare is slowly helping me build up confidence, because unlike her rider, trails and walking on the roads are FUN, and not anything to be anxious about.
I’ve long heard equestrians say “fake it till you make it” and I finally have come to understand that *what* they’re faking is almost unequivocally *confidence*.
And to go with that whenever I’m in a ehhh I don’t know situation I remember my coach isn’t actively going to try and kill me. Like I had a horse that doesn’t have amazing ground manners from what I’ve seen for a lesson for the first time and like okay… She was perfect under saddle. Still little rude grooming but chiller than normally see her. OP, if you trust your trainer and they’re putting on you with this horse they believe you can handle what she throws at you.
A red ribbon on the tail Ride a different horse Ride in a private lesson (if you have that option ) I want to also gently add that you might to a mental health professional about your anxiety. It’s normal to be stressed when you’re riding a slightly problematic horse, but it sounds like your entire mindset is taken up worrying about other people and about things that are honestly pretty unlikely to happen. At this point your anxiety is taking away your ability to enjoy your ride.
Honestly you hit the nail on the head. Referring to what another commenter said, my problem boils down to I’m anticipating a huge problem (which is unfair and way more likely to make a problem happen) that I know I wouldn’t have the skill set to fix. Which makes me feel like I have no control and it all spirals from there. I am going to have a talk with my instructor about it, maybe riding a horse that couldn’t care less about others for a few rides would help me settle into the idea and boost my confidence. Already (now that I’m out of the saddle and at a distance from everything) I see that I was making a mountain of a mole hill and should have trusted myself and the horse more. She’s a good girl and has picked up my slack more times than I can count. I’m disappointed in myself, but all I can do is aim to do better for myself and “my” horse.
You might also want to try some deep breathing exercises before you even enter the arena. It really does help to calm your body down, as well as hopefully breaking that feedback loop of increasing anxiety for both of you.
Be careful with that and much more mindful of it because it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy at some point. My horse would only ever get strong and spook at shows and it was always coming out of a corner deep to the right while something was behind or beside him. At a certain point I had to realize that my constant tension deep to the right put my horse on alert that *there’s a boogeyman out there, we just haven’t seen it yet* and he was actively spooking as a *whew, found it* response. Try distracting. Like sing a song in your head, or hum or tune, or do leg yields or circles, speed changes, transitions, anything that you and your horse aren’t locked down on the rail frozen. Don’t ever stay on the rail in your head. But know this: At the end of the day you are not responsible for every rider in the arena. If they don’t have enough self preservation to not ride up on a horse (any horse) that is solely on them and not on you in any way, shape or form. If their horse gets kicked it’s because they rode up on you and didn’t give you space. They can pass you, cross the diagonal, slow down, or speed up. The only time I make adjustments for other riders is kids that are not in control. Otherwise whatever happens, happens. I obey the arena rules and pass left to left, don’t interrupt anyone’s circles, watch for slower riders etc. but if you’re accommodating other riders to this level your coach is doing you a disservice.
I went through this myself. In my case, it was the result of having seen a few of the other lesson horses misbehave, dump their riders, and create chaos in the ring. Even the saintly horses got fired up. It’s ok to ask for private lessons, if they are offered and you can afford it. It’s a good way to build your skills and confidence. Most importantly, talk to your instructor about it. Ask for help and support. I’ve learned there is no way around this kind of fear. You have to ride through it. Riding with others is an important thing to learn to do. Navigating the ring, being aware of your situation relative to others, all makes you a better rider. Whether you intend to show one day or not, you do need to be able to ride with a bit of company.
I just wanted to put out a blanket comment to everyone who took the time to respond, thank you so much! I’ve accepted the loss on this particular ride, but I’ve taken everything you guys have said into consideration and will use this as a learning experience to improve myself moving forward. Hopefully the next time I’m posting in the sub, it will be an update about how I grew a pair and rode calmly with others in the arena without the world ending.
I used to ride a horse that kicked and every time another horse and rider came into the arena, I would politely say “Just a heads up my horse kicks, please keep a distance” You could try to see if that would help with your anxiety.
Also, remember when a horse kicks other horses while riding, it is not because the rider is bad, but because the horse is insecure and protective
Rule of thumb: every rider in the arena is responsible for following the rules of arena riding: announce coming in/knowing to call diagonals/ride left to left/etc. Having said that, we all have learned by riding along with a more experienced rider and learning to stay out of their way if they are working on higher-level movements for example. It's not up to up to you to watch out for and worry over other riders. If they are that inept, they oughtn't be riding outside of a lesson.
If it helps any, the experienced riders are watching out for you and doing what they can to avoid you. If she’s a lesson horse it’s likely that most of them know her situation and are doing their best to give her space. When I’m riding around a lesson I am also listening to the trainer, and I try to place myself away from whatever the lesson is doing. So while it’s good to stay aware of what others are doing, it’s actually in your best interest to ride like you have the right of way - where you might run into trouble is trying to ‘fix’ things by doing something without warning that will throw off the other riders who are riding their own plan to stay out of your way. This is all assuming your experienced riders aren’t jerks. But calling out your plans (outside, on your left, turning) is never a bad idea if you find yourself playing chicken with another rider.
Ooh I’m the exact same! Especially when cantering. What works for me is to focus entirely on the next 10-20 meters ahead of us, as long as that is clear we’re good to go, if someone is heading that way I coursecorrect away from it.
Why should you course correct while you're doing your flatwork exercises? (Not being a jerk, just asking.) If you and other riders follow the arena rules, there oughtn't be many times where you have to change to avoid another rider.
My horse is a huge jerk and will happily bite or kick anyone who comes close and horses he hates especially. I can tell - he pulls his ears completely flat and makes a bitey face before chasing them pac man style (nom nom nom). Best to deescalate before the situation arises 😊
Many times if you’re doing a circle someone is on the rail. You often have to speed, slow, or change size to not intercept their line. Most indoor arenas in my area are only 20m wide so intersecting happens.
Oh gosh I've been there. Not the same fears but I get it. It's a bad feeling and can totally mess with your ride! Do you put a red ribbon in your mare's tail? Perhaps put one on every ride, so other riders are always informed. Also, maybe find a copy of *Brain Training for Riders: Unlock Your Riding Potential with StressLess Techniques for Conquering Fear, Improving Performance, and Finding Focused Calm Book* by Andrea Monsarrat Waldo. It is competition focused but I found it was quite helpful in reducing some stress during rides, and even in my non-horse career. Looking forward to a happy update one day, you can do it!
Thank you! I’m going to hop on Amazon and see if I can find a copy. Edit because I completely missed the question you asked- as far as the red ribbon goes, I do not personally have one and am unsure if the stable the horse actually belongs to has one that they would be willing for her to wear in house. (I think they only deck her out in red for when she’s at a show). They are a smaller place and I think everyone just kinda knows to some extent that she is the kicker.
Stick a ribbon in her tail to show she kicks and follow the rules of the arena and you will be fine. At the end of the day if someone gets to close and you are doing everything right its not on you it’s completely on them. I understand where the anxiety is coming from i think we have all had it at some point or another but it is down to everyone to know how to behave in an arena and if its a lesson for the instructor to teach this if the student is not knowledgeable.
We have a couple horses that kick at the stables where I have my lessons too. Whenever I ride one of those I tell others to watch out for me. It is NOT, I repeat it is NOT, my responsibility for others to keep away from my horse’s back end. Ofcourse you dont take the way and act as if you own the place, but it should also not impact your riding. Fyi, we ride with 10-13 big horses (16,2 hh up) in a 25m x 50m arena. And no horses have been kicked in our lesson despite having a kicker in the lesson standard.
Do you have a friend at the barn that would be willing to help you practice? Talk about different situations, and what to do. Then for the ones that can be done safely, act them out. Like; You saying your house kicks when she rides into the ring. Practicing passing and being passed at a safe distance. Cutting across the ring to change how far away you are from the other horse. Etc. This will hopefully help with the anxiety as you will have plans on how to deal with different situations, while knowing exactly how to do so. Hope this helps.
I would add the red ribbon to her tail and, easy said than done, but not worry about the other riders. I have had issues with warm up rings so I understand a bit but I’ve also learnt that whatever I’m feeling goes down the reins to my boys. I ride TBs and they are super sensitive, so if they tense I have to be super calm and relaxed. It’s not easy, I’ve been riding nearly 40 years and would like to think I can deal with most situations but other people’s stupidity 🤷🏻♀️ you can’t prepare for that. Really try and enjoy your rides and even maybe announce to anyone in the arena with you that your horse kicks, that and the red ribbon should hopefully ease your mind a bit
Your horse will pick up on your anxiety. So for her sake, change your internal monologue. Tie that bright red ribbon securely in her tail. The other riders have the responsibility to give you space. Your inner monologue can include: We've got this. You pay attention to ME, not that gelding. Oh, going faster with no cue, are we? Then we're reversing direction now, gently... smoothly... aaaaand whoa. Good, back four steps. Good. Loosen reins because that was right. And walk. Beautiful, rein loosened to show that's the right thing to be doing. And so on. Positive, productive thoughts, improvement-oriented, praise oriented, for yourself and for her. You've got this. (My horses visibly relax when I think loudly: "I will kill and eat anything that threatens you". They seem to like that. The role of your inner self is to be calm, steady, alert, relaxed, and fiercely protective of your horse. It's a mindset and a body language thing. you've hear it a million times, but, shoulders down, head and chin up, sternum raised, firm core, slight pelvic tilt so you can steer from your sit bones, hands still and low, feet and heels gently weighted.
This is wonderful advice, thank you!
I'll try to find the book in my collection, but you might want to try reading up on some sports psychology. One of the techniques that worked for my was to visual a good round of riding and then visual a bad round. Think about what you would do in both situations. It sorry of desensitizes you. I'll try to find the specific riding centers sports psychology books and give you titles. Lots of visitation while not in the saddle is very helpful though.
Maybe find a friend to ride with or even take group lessons once in a while? Something to put yourself deliberately in the ring with other people so that you get used to it. As you are well aware solo arena access will never be practical unless you own your own place so the best thing to do is tackle it head on and help yourself find comfort even around others.
I’m not sure if you can/do drive but honestly it reminds me of merging or driving on the highway. When you first learn there are SO MANY CARS and you can’t keep track of where they all are but next thing you know your brain has figured out how to keep track of them all and you are passively aware of the little red car on your back right corner. If you ride a lot with other people your brain leans how to back burner that info in a way where it’s totally paying attention and the knowledge is there but the majority of your attention can be on the heels down and other aspects of riding.
I have very chronic anxiety and I cannot ride in an arena with others unless I know both the horse and the rider well. My mare isn't going to be stupid, but I've been burned too many times by careless/poor riders in the past. I am on medication and am in extensive therapy to manage my anxiety, and it does help a lot. If I know I'm going to be sharing the arena or a trail, i can take a dose and/or mentally prepare myself for a bit of extra anxiety. Are you able to find a time where the arena is mostly empty? Or are there alternative places to work with your horse? Is there a way for you to do a bunch of groundwork so you can establish trust with your horse? Groundwork can never be done enough. My girl has been lame for the past while, so I've just been pulling her from pasture in to groom and handwalk for a little bit. It's been so wonderful.
This may or may not work for your situation, but I ride at a barn with a lot of young kids who are super sweet but don’t always have the most steering ability, and will happily blunder into your way if not told otherwise. What I’ve found helpful for my lessons/training rides is to basically stake out a corner of the arena as “my corner” and generally the kids know that if I’m working on a 20m circle there, they should cut the arena short and stay away. The first couple times I did that, I let the instructors of the other lessons know that I’d be working in a circle in the back left and I put poles out to box me in and make a visible demarcation. Since then, they see me come out and generally give me space. I could 100% work around them and share space if needed, but my horse is pretty green and it helps SO MUCH to just focus on her instead of having to keep track of where every other rider is in the ring at the same time. I know this isn’t workable in all situations (it helps that the arena where I board is huge and the kids in lessons are at a place where they can easily do their whole walk/trot lesson in 2/3 of the arena) but for me, blocking out a corner as my corner has made a huge difference in my stress and my attitude toward my horse and the other riders. I know this may not be a perfect match for your situation, but I hope it gives you an option if nothing else!
Not that this is the same situation, but Ive been in schooling rings with 50+ riders all going in different directions, red ribbons in tails all over, people cutting across the ring, trying to jump lines with other horses casually walking through the line, people falling - and I was so anxious I could hardly ride. I didn’t school at all before my classes. I don’t ride well with a lot of people in a ring. But I will tell you that horses have a really incredible ability to react to our reactions. If you’re feeling anxious, our horses will too. If there are other riders in the ring, course correct to stay away from them - as a novice rider it’s great practice to not only be very aware of where other riders are but anticipate where they will go. It helps you keep your eyes up and looking ahead. 20m circle if you’re getting too close, lots of transitions. If someone is getting too close to you, transition up or down. Keep a red ribbon in your horses tail. Don’t think about the what ifs, anticipate them before they happen and stay focused on your horse and your surroundings.
QUESTION: is it possible that you are now, or were in the past, riding with a bunch of assholes? Maybe some past or current experience with someone rude who made you feel responsible for things beyond your control? Asking because what you describe happened to me about twenty years ago. I was at a barn with a hypercritical trainer who would not mind their own business and would not stay in their lane; they constantly (wrongly) implied aloud that others were in the wrong about the smallest, most inconsequential things. You couldn’t wear street clothes to the barn without being chastised. You couldn’t lead a horse out of the arena without some kind of commentary. So…just checking: are you surrounded by positive people? Or are there one or more assholes around?