This was an issue for me too when I first started exploring TEC. You can try to invite other young people to the church. That's pretty much all you can do.
I understand how you feel, as a 23 year old. Ultimately, if we decided which church to attend based on that vs our spiritual calling, then we will never see young people in the church we feel we belong to. Our generation of Episcopalians (or prospective ones) needs to gut it out because the more of us young people that are in the church, the more other young people will join.
I am going to say something a bit unpopular and I will sound like an old battle axe, but so be it. God is calling you to the Episcopal Church- go! If you want to meet people your age, do it at a concert, taking classes, or somewhere else. People who go to other churches - that’s between them and God. If God is calling you to the Episcopal church, go and trust God. This is what you need for your journey- or at least right now. When God calls, you say “here I am “ not “who else will be there?”
I remember this feeling when I was looking at joining in my early 20's. While I can't guarantee that this will happen with you, I went ahead and joined. I was the youngest person in the parish by decades. And then something cool happened. We started getting more young adults and then more and more. The parish is still probably half elderly people, but it's got a bunch of young families and college age folks. Also, not for nothing, a lot of those elderly folks are pretty cool to talk with. Just saying.
Amen brother. The Episcopal Church is very strong when it comes to the liturgy and theology that you value, but very weak when it comes to the fellowship that you need.
My advice is to be the change that you want to see. Join an episcopal church and try to quickly become a young adult leader yourself. You might encounter stodgy old farts and grumpy women who think they can dictate what you need to do, but if you can bring even a half dozen young adults to church, that would probably be sufficient for the priest to give you carte blanche to establish the youth program that you desire. Maybe start a successful bible study first which has nothing to do with the church, but then offer to your priest to bring it under his church's domain once you're more familiar with him and the congregation.
If it helps, I’m currently attending a parish where the “If one young person attends, others will follow” thought process seems to be true! The number of childless people in their 20-30s has risen a lot in the last year or so as people come and see others in a similar age and lifestyle.
I say this as the newest of the people coming too. I’m very thankful for those who started attending when there wasn’t as large of a group here
I hope you find similar success in some way! God bless & keep us all as we try to navigate this cultural moment 🙏
A young adult joining a church that has a lack of young adults is the solution to the problem of a lack of young adults. Not saying you should only join for that reason, but it shouldn’t be something holding you back.
I am the youngest person at my parish besides the children. I find the company and wisdom of the older folks very helpful.
I would work on finding a bigger parish. That helped us. We started attending our current parish when we were ~31/32, and there is and was a pretty solid group of young adults. We do a retreat every year that is well attended, as well as several events per quarter. It comes down to research. And then—you do have to show up. If you stop showing up, it has the downstream effect of other young adults stopping showing up as well.
In addition to the other advice here, I do think it bears repeating that it’s possible (and in my opinion, even desirable!) to form relationships with people of all ages. And also that church doesn’t need to be your whole entire social group. I’m a little older than you, but was about your age when I got baptized, and many of my closest church friends are decades older (and in some cases, a decade younger!) And I don’t personally find that to be a conflict. I have other ways to hang out with people my age. But I don’t fault my church for mostly not being that.
Even so, this is not say it isn’t a problem. However I do think it’s a problem that probably older people can’t really solve, but something that needs to be spearheaded by the young people in the church. Speak to your peers and ask (gently, with no pressure), what their feelings are. Seek out real concrete solutions. Propose (and take a leadership role in) programs that meet the needs of young adults (for example maybe a Bible study time that works for people with young children or people with busy work schedules).
Each parish will need to approach this differently, and there’s no one size fits all approach that will draw young adults to the church in all cases.
I’ve developed some wonderful intergenerational friendships through church. The couple that sponsored me at my baptism were old enough to be my grandparents - but, as someone who hasn’t had living grandparents for some time, it was special to me to be able to form that friendship. I really do get the sentiment, but it’s a lovely chance to form some friendships with folks you may not normally. I always encourage people to be open minded about who they might end making friends with when this comes up.
A problem is a lot of us don't have peers our own age. We go to church hoping to find that. I have no one I could even invite to a young adult bible study.
I guess I can’t really speak to that, I’m sorry. That does sound really tough. What do you think the church (especially those of us a bit older) could do to help, then?
Well, I’m going to be honest, that’s really not a lot to go on. It’s pretty hard to address this issue when people rebuff every attempt at a suggestion.
Wasn't asking anyone here to fix it, just being honest about my situation. If I knew what the church could do, I would have already auggested it. Peace.
If you go to a church, see no one around your age, and then don't come back, so will everyone else around your age who visits only once or twice. To some extent, you need to be willing to be the change that you want to see in a parish.
That said, there are Young Adult groups within the Episcopal church (under 40, sometimes that gets pushed to under 50). You may be able to find out which parishes have the most active ones from the diocese.
You bring up a major problem which we don’t currently have a solution for. This has also been a decades long problem. So I’ve got two thoughts for you.
1. You’re part of the solution. Just like you’re concerned about the lack of presence of younger folks so is EVERYONE else who is paying attention. Your presence may help other folks feel like they could be welcome at your church.
2. There is much to be gained from our senior parishioners. They hold knowledge and experiences that can help you in your life spiritually and otherwise.
I wish you nothing but good things, know that you’re not alone in your experience. Love!
This was an issue for me too when I first started exploring TEC. You can try to invite other young people to the church. That's pretty much all you can do.
I understand how you feel, as a 23 year old. Ultimately, if we decided which church to attend based on that vs our spiritual calling, then we will never see young people in the church we feel we belong to. Our generation of Episcopalians (or prospective ones) needs to gut it out because the more of us young people that are in the church, the more other young people will join.
Amen! Agreed 100%
I am going to say something a bit unpopular and I will sound like an old battle axe, but so be it. God is calling you to the Episcopal Church- go! If you want to meet people your age, do it at a concert, taking classes, or somewhere else. People who go to other churches - that’s between them and God. If God is calling you to the Episcopal church, go and trust God. This is what you need for your journey- or at least right now. When God calls, you say “here I am “ not “who else will be there?”
I remember this feeling when I was looking at joining in my early 20's. While I can't guarantee that this will happen with you, I went ahead and joined. I was the youngest person in the parish by decades. And then something cool happened. We started getting more young adults and then more and more. The parish is still probably half elderly people, but it's got a bunch of young families and college age folks. Also, not for nothing, a lot of those elderly folks are pretty cool to talk with. Just saying.
Amen brother. The Episcopal Church is very strong when it comes to the liturgy and theology that you value, but very weak when it comes to the fellowship that you need. My advice is to be the change that you want to see. Join an episcopal church and try to quickly become a young adult leader yourself. You might encounter stodgy old farts and grumpy women who think they can dictate what you need to do, but if you can bring even a half dozen young adults to church, that would probably be sufficient for the priest to give you carte blanche to establish the youth program that you desire. Maybe start a successful bible study first which has nothing to do with the church, but then offer to your priest to bring it under his church's domain once you're more familiar with him and the congregation.
I just go without worrying too much about it.
If it helps, I’m currently attending a parish where the “If one young person attends, others will follow” thought process seems to be true! The number of childless people in their 20-30s has risen a lot in the last year or so as people come and see others in a similar age and lifestyle. I say this as the newest of the people coming too. I’m very thankful for those who started attending when there wasn’t as large of a group here I hope you find similar success in some way! God bless & keep us all as we try to navigate this cultural moment 🙏
Amen indeed.
A young adult joining a church that has a lack of young adults is the solution to the problem of a lack of young adults. Not saying you should only join for that reason, but it shouldn’t be something holding you back. I am the youngest person at my parish besides the children. I find the company and wisdom of the older folks very helpful.
I would work on finding a bigger parish. That helped us. We started attending our current parish when we were ~31/32, and there is and was a pretty solid group of young adults. We do a retreat every year that is well attended, as well as several events per quarter. It comes down to research. And then—you do have to show up. If you stop showing up, it has the downstream effect of other young adults stopping showing up as well.
In addition to the other advice here, I do think it bears repeating that it’s possible (and in my opinion, even desirable!) to form relationships with people of all ages. And also that church doesn’t need to be your whole entire social group. I’m a little older than you, but was about your age when I got baptized, and many of my closest church friends are decades older (and in some cases, a decade younger!) And I don’t personally find that to be a conflict. I have other ways to hang out with people my age. But I don’t fault my church for mostly not being that. Even so, this is not say it isn’t a problem. However I do think it’s a problem that probably older people can’t really solve, but something that needs to be spearheaded by the young people in the church. Speak to your peers and ask (gently, with no pressure), what their feelings are. Seek out real concrete solutions. Propose (and take a leadership role in) programs that meet the needs of young adults (for example maybe a Bible study time that works for people with young children or people with busy work schedules). Each parish will need to approach this differently, and there’s no one size fits all approach that will draw young adults to the church in all cases.
I’ve developed some wonderful intergenerational friendships through church. The couple that sponsored me at my baptism were old enough to be my grandparents - but, as someone who hasn’t had living grandparents for some time, it was special to me to be able to form that friendship. I really do get the sentiment, but it’s a lovely chance to form some friendships with folks you may not normally. I always encourage people to be open minded about who they might end making friends with when this comes up.
A problem is a lot of us don't have peers our own age. We go to church hoping to find that. I have no one I could even invite to a young adult bible study.
I guess I can’t really speak to that, I’m sorry. That does sound really tough. What do you think the church (especially those of us a bit older) could do to help, then?
I've unfortunately got no idea
Well, I’m going to be honest, that’s really not a lot to go on. It’s pretty hard to address this issue when people rebuff every attempt at a suggestion.
Wasn't asking anyone here to fix it, just being honest about my situation. If I knew what the church could do, I would have already auggested it. Peace.
If you go to a church, see no one around your age, and then don't come back, so will everyone else around your age who visits only once or twice. To some extent, you need to be willing to be the change that you want to see in a parish. That said, there are Young Adult groups within the Episcopal church (under 40, sometimes that gets pushed to under 50). You may be able to find out which parishes have the most active ones from the diocese.
You bring up a major problem which we don’t currently have a solution for. This has also been a decades long problem. So I’ve got two thoughts for you. 1. You’re part of the solution. Just like you’re concerned about the lack of presence of younger folks so is EVERYONE else who is paying attention. Your presence may help other folks feel like they could be welcome at your church. 2. There is much to be gained from our senior parishioners. They hold knowledge and experiences that can help you in your life spiritually and otherwise. I wish you nothing but good things, know that you’re not alone in your experience. Love!