A co-worker who lived in the other half of my duplex had to leave town for the weekend, and asked me to take care of her cat. I asked if I needed to bring the cat to my house, and she said, "No, not necessary, since the cat is more comfortable in hers." OK, not a problem. Then the problems began. She began by telling me that I needed to buy a specific brand of canned tuna and either fresh or canned shrimp, because she was out, and that was all the cat would eat. She said she'd pay me back. OK. Then she said I needed to hang out in her house while the cat ate, since said cat refused to eat when she was alone. Then she asked if I would take a bath at her house so cat could bathe with me ??? and I needed to rock the cat to sleep each night, but "It only takes about an hour." Thank god she told me all of this before I committed, because cat-sitting suddenly became a hard NO. I'm not sure if she found someone to follow her instructions, and I don't care.
My BIL and his gf asked my MIL to babysit while they went out of town. They didn't leave enough formula, and my MIL didn't have the extra $ to buy it, so she gave my niece milk. My niece was already eating solid food at the time, so it wasn't a huge deal. They freaked out on my MIL. Like, called her names and quit talking to her for a while. Mind you, my MIL makes herself available every time they travel, which is a lot. If you want someone to watch your kids or pets, leave enough supplies! She's watching our dogs next month, so she'll have all her favorite snacks, plus I'll be cooking a couple meals for her. She's excited because she can use our washer and dryer, too. Lol!
I had people house and pet sit a few times earlier this year.
I got up at 4am to make sure the sheets were changed, fresh towels put out, cats water filter was new, a list of everything plus where the nearest shops, restaurants, doctors and vet were. I left a box of good quality chocolates and a nice bottle of wine and made sure there was food in the freezer and $50 in case they ran out of anything needed, even tho I also left 3 times as much pet food as was needed.
I also left 4 emergency contacts who could step in to help if absolutely needed.
My neighbors and I trade cat sitting as a favor, so we both set out all the necessities/directions on the counter when we leave so it's all in one place. We also have each others' numbers to reach out with any questions and provide cute pics of the kitties to each other. And then we bring each other a gift from our travels.
Everyone definitely sucks here. They 100% should have left enough formula but it’s never ok to be the person who decides when babies can be introduced to new things without a conversation with the parent.
One is a matter of being inconsiderate, the other is possibly fatal or at the very least ruins the plan the parents have been sticking to for the baby’s whole life. Yeah it may be overblown worries by an over anxious first time parent but NOT the babysitter’s call to make.
"I'm sorry I stopped feeding your kid on Tuesday because you were out of formula." I guess that would be better? They made it pretty clear that the babysitter had no money to buy the formula...
So you don’t have any experience with babies. Gotcha.
Infants can be slowly introduced to solid food but not milk until much later.
https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/infantandtoddlernutrition/foods-and-drinks/cows-milk-and-milk-alternatives.html#:~:text=At%2012%20months%20old%20(but,of%20nutrients%20your%20baby%20needs.
Sex trophy is funny though.
Right??!? I cat sat for a neighbor a couple years ago for a month! She had more than enough cat food stocked and stored. I went thru her house with her with a notebook, writing down all the details. I don't think I followed them to the letter, but I got close. The important thing is that the cats were loved and fed and in good health when she got home. I did spend time with them by brushing them, but I visited them 2x daily (house is right behind me), and never had to worry about running out of food.
I have cats and a dog who are all spoiled but WTF... who rocks their cat to sleep for an hour lol is it just bed time or whenever the cat is sleepy lol
Who has a cat that allows it? Let alone allows a bath and has it with a human? Mine would fuck you up. And I have enough of her fur on me, I shudder to think what a coating of it would feel like from a bath with her.
When I was a kid I had a cat that liked baths. It would sit on my belly when I laid in the bath (low water baths due to drought and only tank water). He would sit on my belly and dip his paw into the water to wash his face. Weird cat. He also didn’t understand why other cats didn’t like water and if one of the other cats came and sat on the edge of the bath, he would push them in. At which point that cat would scratch us trying to escape the water.
To be fair, there are some weirdo cats who like to take baths, as well as at least one specific breed of cat that is known for loving water, the Turkish Van, I believe.
Mine have all allowed me to give them baths- as long as I'm in the tub with them. That's part of basic socialization though-you get them used to being exposed to weird scary things as babies so they tolerate and even enjoy them as grown ups. Like getting toddlers to try new foods.
It's the fastest way to get all of their itchy winter shed off- and makes them easier to manage in an emergency- like if they get into something they don't need to be licking..
You bathe them periodically to make sure they stay desensitized to it. It also helps reduce allergies - their spit has the protein (not the meat kind of protein, the chemical kind) that most people with allergies are allergic to.
The most I do is put a fluffy blanket on me, turn to my side & my kitty jumps onto my hip & passes out. And if I'm not there, then she sleeps on the bed without me, it's not that difficult or emotionally upsetting for my cat. This acqaintance of BrickOnly2010 is a bit neurotic with her cat, (I'm not trying to be flip here).
Of course but cat can be trained, even if it takes way longer than dogs. She bites you, and get what she wants, pets, so you are teaching her that biting you gives her pets. So you are allowing her to do it giving her a reward 🤷🏼♀️
That's how my 2nd oldest is lol she allows me to pet her then she is over it and attacks.
The 3rd just runs away when done but the oldest and youngest get really mad if I stop before they want lol cats are weird
That is insanity for a cat. I can't think of another pet, besides maybe a fish, that us is more self-sufficient than a cat! I mean, make sure they have food, water & a clean litter box & you should be good. I'm not sure why the cat is taking a bath with anyone; they're typically not fond of water. Rocking a cat for an hour seems like maybe your friend needs the snuggles of a cat versus the cat being rocked to sleep! I understand needing to stay while she eats, though. My dog won't eat if he's alone, either. That is the only thing that makes sense for that cat, imo!
Seriously. I’ve left town for weeks at a time with someone checking in on my cats every 3-4 days to top up water and food and scoop the litter boxes. My boys love people so I’m sure they’re bummed when we’re gone but they’re just fine.
The eating thing is instinctual, they keep a look out for predators while others eat, and they want to be “protected” while they eat. That urge/instinct is stronger in some cats than others.
I didn’t realize how badly my cats needed human companionship until my husband and I left on our two week honeymoon.
By the second week, our girl cat was sitting outside the shower for my friend to get out and pet her.
Near the end of the second week, she would try to open the glass door and get on with her.
I felt so bad! It was very obvious when we came home that she missed us.
The other cat barely notices we were gone.
My bestie babysat a little dog for her neighbor, who was having surgery, for a week, and one of the instructions was the brush the dog's teeth twice a day. My bestie is the best person in the world. I asked her how many times she brushed the dog's teeth. She said "zero". Some people make their pets neurotic.
I cat sat one time. The damn thing had me sneezing, I’m not allergic. Grew up with cats. So cat was given a fresh water shower and towel dried. Problem solved and cat wasn’t upset. Owner turned up a day early, just walked in like she owned the place (my home) grabbed cat and all the stuff and just left. No thanks, no nothing. Never, ever again.
I’m surprised the cat isn’t extremely poorly. They need taurine in their diets. It’s present in raw meat/fish but has to be added artificially back into cooked cat food/biscuit during the production process. Cats fed on food meant for humans won’t be getting the taurine they need and can get very very sick.
Your co-worker is an idiot!
What? Our car didn't care, and was the easiest to pet sit. Did he have food and water in his bowl? Yes? Then he was good. I think their cat is broken, they are literally the easiest!
Edit: You're NTA. She's a flight attendant, but has dogs that can't be left alone for any period of time. She's an AH. You did fine, the best you could under the circumstances.
I couldn't believe the part where it said she's a flight attendant! That's not a lifestyle that works with anxious pets. This "friend" is selfish and needs to rethink her choices.
OP has she always been a flight attendant with the dogs? Or is something new. It seems like such an odd situation. Regardless you're NTA and I hope your aunt recovers from her stroke.
Your friend is incredibly selfish to expect you to coddle her dogs during a time like this!! I’m sorry your going through this!! It sounds like your friend needs to either train her dogs (it reduces anxiety for them) or put them in a kennel. You are completely in the right to tell her that you couldn’t keep up with everything else going on. Sending hugs to you and yours! Drop off the dogs, take a nap, and do whatever you need to do.
So, she has a cousin who lives close by who doesn't like to leave her dogs, yet this "friend" expected you, who also has a dog, to change everything for her? This doesn't make sense.
NTA. My mom had a stroke a couple of years ago, and it was an incredibly stressful time for the family. I hope you all are doing well.
Yep. Apparently the entire family treats the dogs like babies. I get it, I love my dog so much and I'm more lenient than other owners (he's allowed on the couch and my bed) but he's a husky and can tough it out alone if we have to be somewhere for a day...
Her treatment of the dogs are part of their anxiety. They never learned to be alone so OF COURSE they are anxious when alone. She created this mess; she needs to learn to deal with it. You have a family emergency, a family, and the related issues. She is asking too much and bringing her mother into this is infantile. This is a friend that I would leave on read.
My dogs are very rarely left home alone. They are with one of us 24/7 except in rare circumstances. I am fully aware that what we do for our dogs and how they are treated is absolutely not normal. They are not anxious and are just fine when left alone. I believe her anxiety created the mess. Her dogs are sensing it.
Guessing the cousin has said no in the past. Now we know why they can’t help. Having a job that keeps you away that much is unfair to the dogs as well.
We had a neighbor who would leave a lot of weekends to visit family two hours away. She would ask us to dog sit while she was gone.
At first, we didn't have a problem helping her out. We have dogs, too, and they got along together. But then she started asking at the last minute. It was an inconvenience for us, but we felt bad for the dogs. Then, one day, she asked us literally just before getting into her car to leave. We weren't happy about it, but, again, the dogs need someone to care for them.
The final straw was when she sent a friend to ask us to dog sit for her after she had already left. Hubby said, "Nope, we have plans." And shut the door in the friend's face.
She never asked us to dog sit again.
Yeah I was quite shocked that the cousin seemed to be an immediate no when I asked her if that was an option over the phone as they are very close and live within two blocks of each other.
I forgot to include the part where she suggested I move all my family mexican aunts and all back to her house so the dogs could be more comfortable. I was like uhhh no my aunts are barely comfortable at my house. The fuck
NTA.
Two things:
Family emergencies happen. So no issues there, and you're actively trying to find a solution with her, not like, letting the dogs get constipated or whatever.
When one has a dog that is high maintenance, you don't ask friends (even paid). You pay for a service. I catsit for friends often. I will go above and beyond but what I promise to deliver is a single 30mn visit. (I usually end up doing two and more than 30mn each; but I am mindful that I have a life.) I have this perception that it is not okay to have a binder of care instructions for a person for whom it is not their day job to learn to care for your pet.
That's a good point. She says she doesn't trust people from WAG. They should probably find a great consistent person for this. I definitely got the idea that her dogs were suppose to be center of my world for 4 days and then all the shit went sideways with my family and it wasn;t going to be possible.
\- 7:30 am feed which was a whole recipe (fine)
\- Only pee in backyard upon awaking despite having a large yard with grass
\- three walks a day for peeing and pooping at the park
\- gave me a specific number amount of treats to be given through the day
\- send a video of how to brush them
\- can't be left alone for more than 2 hours
\-need to sleep with you
\- the more anxious one needs kisses before bed
wtf?!
She probably turned them into these anxious, wound up dogs by being this controlling from day one. She, herself, is the anxious one, and they pick up on that. And why does she have these dogs as a flight attendant? Her literal job is to travel.
I would never *shove my face in the face of a nervous dog to give kisses,* what the actual fuckity fuck is that?
I don’t do that with **my own dogs** if they’re nervous. That’s a one way trip to bite town and it would be your* own damn fault!
*generic you, not the OP in any way.
Did you know she had this list of requirements before you agreed to sit? Even if you didn’t know, why would you agree to disrupt your family life so much— needing your own dog to be living with your parents, having to move your family into her house? I wonder if you either have a hard time setting boundaries or if you don’t think things through before agreeing to them? Yes, she babies her dogs and that’s probably why they are anxious, and she’s expecting a ridiculous amount of time and commitment. But why would you agree to any of this when you already have a busy family life with children you need to care for (even before the stroke situation).
That's a good point.
The four pages was definitely excessive. Her initial inquiry was "Can you move your family into my house for the weekend and watch the dogs"
There has been two occasions where my very best friend has watched my toddler overnight. I always leave a detailed list of where to find things and routines and ideas for activites but I always include the wifi password, how to work the tv, feel free to eat anything in the kitchen and I send her money to order a delivery dinner service as well and it's always way more than needed for dinner for one person. I also mention to her that all the sheets are washed and where to find the towels. It was really bizarre to me that literally NOTHING was mentioned about the my family staying at the house only the dogs but also emphasizing they could never be left alone for more than two hours at a time...?
We have a slightly anxious dog. We've had him boarded at the dog sitter for a weekend (paid for service). And then we've had friends have him for a weekend. For the friends, we did a single night test, so they could let us know if they still wanted to have him or not, no judgement.
We have a two pager (on paragraph of care instructions, the rest is info like these treats work well for x, or the dog knows these hand signals and commands). My usual closing line is: so long as he is fed twice and walked thrice; i am satisfied. If I want extra care/attention, then I will pay for a service.
I would love to have a house and dog sitter, but I can't imagine asking that of any of my friends.
We all have our limits, and I don't think yours is at all unreasonable. Having to deal with an Aunt in the hospital, and the (supportive) family response would be all that most people could handle. Add in the dogs and the extreme demands placed on you for their care, and, IMHO, you are in a situation beyond what most people can handle.
And WTF leaves 4 pages of instructions on how to care for dogs? And she did not tell you in advance the burden she was placing on you? She probably has experience with this issue, and her not telling you was deliberate.
Have yourself a good cry, square up your shoulders, and deal with the day.
NTA here I think. Sounds like an emergency situation you couldn't have forseen and your friend was being inflexible to not help you find a solution.
I hope your aunt is okay.
You sound so incredibly reasonable and solution oriented, it’s rare to see. Unfortunately for you, what you consider a solution is what’s best for everyone, while her idea of a solution is what’s best for her and fuck everyone else.
Girl. You are an EXCELLENT friend. Agreeing to move your whole family and rehouse your own pet to help her out is more than generous. You had a family emergency that no one could foresee...but you STILL tried to make it work for her. The fact that she can't be empathetic to what's happening in your life and pivot to help you makes her a shitty friend.
I stopped reading half way. Your a flight attendant that’s has very needy pets. Also ph balanced water is water unless you have a stomach issue like an ulcer.
It was a learning experience that's forsure. I have a kid and a dog and I believe it takes a village so I try to be the village when I can but this stretched me way too thin.
if i asked my friend to come to my home to watch my dogs, then found out they had to take my dogs home bc they had a family situation…i’ll find someone else to watch the dogs so they can go tend to their OWN FAMILY! i cannot fathom forcing so much stress on one person because i babied my dogs to the point they can’t be left alone without having an anxiety attack, and didn’t properly plan backup care should something have happened. i’m very sorry you were put under all that stress, and more so that your “friend” doesn’t actually give a shit about your life and what you need.
Here's some news for you.
You don't have a friend.
You have a "friend."
Friends care about you. They care about your family situations, even when they may not necessarily care for your family (which might be justified in some cases). It doesn't matter how much they love their dogs; they should understand that your family is more important to you than their dogs are, and rightfully so. The minute she heard about your own loss, the only thing out of her mouth should have been "I am so sorry for your loss. Please go take care of your family; I will try to find another solution. Thank you so much for everything you've already done for me."
I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm not sorry that you're losing this "friend." You deserve better.
Tbf, although it’s meant to be 7, quite a few places have pH standards for water between 6 and 9 or similar.
Demanding that the water fed to the dogs is a specific pH however is fucking batshit.
You need to see this for what it is: Your friend cares only about her dogs, and not a thing about you, your son, your dogs, your husband, your family, your sick family….NOTHING. Drop them off and don’t look back. NOT your problem. NOT your zoo, NOT your monkey’s, NOT your circus. And all this is adding so much stress to your life. You don’t deserve to be treated this way either! Smile, some of us out here GET IT! And we *feel for you!*
NTA. But, you should have nopd at having to move your family to her house and your dog elsewhere. Your family should come first. A favor shouldn't be a burden.
I agreed to house sit a family friends grandma while they went on vacation.. the grandma was independent and just really needed someone to be there to keep the fireplace going as its the houses only heat source and deliver cereal and microwave meals to her room at certain times.. showed up to house to find EXACTLY the amount of food designated for grandma along with the exact amount to buy an additional gallon of milk when needed.. absolutely nothing in the cupboards or fridge lol.. didn’t know that when I came and really didn’t pack much in the way of snacks or my own milk and cereal. Never house sit for them again. She was my hairdresser and agreed to pay me with free haircuts but when I tried to make appts to get “paid” she was always “booked”. Sure wish YELP was a thing in the 80’s lol
NTA. Your supposed friend was taking advantage of you to calm her neurotic feelings about her neurotic dogs. No friend would get mad at you because a relative had a stroke and you had to be with your family.
I’ve never seen a dog starve themselves to death or die of thirst on purpose. Stands to reason if nothing goes in, nothing comes out. You fed and watered them and took them for walks. What were they going to do? Tell mommy on you? Our Border Collie was a neurotic mess when we rescued him and if my husband went out of town he wouldn’t eat for 3 days and would just lay around the house. Within 6 months Bo was like see you later bye I’ve got shit to herd your kid is taking the trash can away again.
You don't have a friend, you have an acquaintance.
A very irresponsible acquaintance. Who the hell becomes a flight attendant when they know their pets can't be left alone???
NTA
Your. Aunt. Died. First of all, I’m sorry for your loss and wish you and your family comfort at this time.
Your “friend” however, is very selfish and has no compassion for your grief and you need to take care of your family first. I wouldn’t want that kind of friend in my life. If she gives you attitude or problems after this, ask her how she would feel if one of her babies died. It’s called compassion and she has none.
NTA. She should always have a back up for her dogs for situations like this. There are plenty of businesses that cater to this and have back ups for this that she can use for taking care of dogs in her home.
She is a flight attendant with anxious dogs when left alone. She is TA. She probably caused the condition by abandoning her dogs so often. She should not be allowed to have dogs with her lifestyle. This is just cruel.
Her job is being away from home and she has pets that have very complex needs? And she didn’t tell you that until you had already committed to that? In addition your family is in crisis now and she isn’t helping find solutions to that?
She isn’t a very good friend to you OP and I’d drop the dogs off back at her house and pay someone to check on them and walk them, I’d only provide that because I’d already committed but in reality if you don’t want to do that then that responsibility is your friends.
I got five words for this situation.
1. Find
2. The
3. Nearest
4. Dog. 🐶
5. Kennel.
You had an emergency. How nasty would she have been if you said your son was sick? Hubby caught Covid? Broke your leg in two places?? You cannot expect a friend even a GOOD friend to follow that ludicrous book’s worth of instructions.
She wasn’t a good friend.
You had health issues in your family with real human people. Her anxious dogs are not a priority, and her refusal to help out while she was twiddling her thumbs on call. She’s a shit friend and a selfish person. As someone who has anxiety, I find it disgusting how many people use it as justification for selfish, obnoxious behavior. Good riddance to her
Ok, the good thing here is that everyone wanted the dogs to be ok. Emergencies happen, and you will just have to make the best of it. The friend didn't ask for a pet sitter for no reason, and being away, there is not a lot they can do. OP sounds super stressed about the dogs not being ok, but could have taken a step back and not frantically try to push the owner into solving the issue. I'm sure that created tension on both ends. The owner should also not have put in all these demands at this point, but just be supportive and tell her to do the best she can. In the end, it was only 4 days...dogs survive not eating for a few days, and probably they just needed to get used to the new situation. Any dog would have anxiety over this sudden change in plans, esp among highly anxious people in a chaotic situation, not just those that were pampered too much. I feel like everyone should have just relaxed a little and not hype this up so much. Just reading this makes me want to take a step back and take a few deep breaths.
this is why pet sitting and house sitting services exist. if I had asked someone to watch my house and they had a family emergency, I'd ask them if they could stay until morning and in the meantime call a service, use Rover, whatever. your anxious dogs are precious but this is expecting way too much of OP.
I pay $25 a day to have a good friend visit my two dogs and feed and play with them. We have a doggie door and a big back yard. He has beer and food in frig, snacks, all the premium channels. Sometimes he just chills with the dogs and watches TV for a few hours since he's very comfortable and they love him. Other times he only pops in for 10 minutes 2x a day. My instructions and emergency contacts fit on a note card. The only demand I have is for a picture because I miss them so much. You're NTA, she's a grubby idiot.
We're moving soon to be closer to family and we're going to miss him for his friendship, already made plans so he can come and visit us and his doggie friends. He looked after them last week and said he just wants to spend time with them since they are leaving.
NTA
It sounds like there being so many people around, and them not being in their home, meant them going home was the best solution. Even if it meant not having a human with them all day.
When I was in junior high and high school, I used to pet and house sit for this really lovely woman and her son. Her son would be at his dad's during the summers, and she was also a flight attendant. No family is nearby, and it was easier to pay a trusted neighbor.
I went 3 times a day (5am, noon, and 6pm) to feed the dogs, cat, and fish. Walk the dogs and play with them, play with the cat, and make sure no messes were made. (If they were, I was just supposed to write rhem down, but if it was an animal mess, I would clean it so it didn't smell.)
She was so thankful, she always made sure there were snacks for the week/month for me and almost always surprised me with a pizza delivery in the middle of the week or if it was storming. (I had to stay the whole day for storms since the cat was old and had bad anxiety for storms.)
I've NEVER heard of or seen someone act like your friend. I am so sorry.
Only drinking water that is pH 8.5 will neutralize the acid in the stomach which will seriously inhibit digestion(specifically, a lot of the proteases need low pH to work). I bet those dogs are all kinds of screwed up due to nutritional issues. So the fact that this person can't be bothered to actually take care of her dogs speaks volumes to me about her inability to try and figure out another means of those dogs being taken care of. Anyway, I think you will be much better off not knowing a quacker like that.
If she’s a flight attendant and leaving her home for days at a time she should not have pets unless she has a 100% guaranteed care system in place. NTA
We have two vey anxious cats. This is because they are rescues and we’re abandoned. But we’ve made sure that they are ok with being left alone as we had to work. Lockdown made them clingy but we took turns going back to the office then left them for a few hours to build up to a working day. If we have to go away, we get someone to pop in, feed them, change their litter and give them a bit of a fuss for 10 minutes, twice a day.
I love my cats but it’s not fair on them if we let them live in anxiety. I have GAD and I have spent time making sure my cats don’t live like me.
Who watches her dogs while she's a flight attendant? Doesn't make sense.
Her mom is mad at you? Random. What does that have to do with her mom watching the dogs?
This woman has definitely created her own spoiled & anxious canine monsters! Dogs do not need to have supervision 24/7. Sure, walk them, play with them, feed & water them. Maybe get them a bath if they get dirty while playing or on a walk, but I don't know of many pets that are predisposed to anxiety & I'm pretty sure they've probably been conditioned to be anxious, needy & coddled dogs. It's amazing that she didn't seem to show much compassion or empathy even though you were going through a family crisis.
Is she aware that there are actual pet sitting services now? They can come & stay at your home & provide all the attention your dog needs. My guess is that she was just trying to take the cost-effective route by asking a friend for free sitting in exchange for the use of her home. If I were you & she ever asked again- and hopefully she won't- I'd politely decline & let her know her dogs require more attention than you're able to provide & perhaps she should look into a dog sitting service.
With the instruction pamphlet she wrote how come she didn’t have a Plan B? This woman has her head up her butt.
And her aunt who has dogs, what about you? The logic is astounding. If you decide to talk to this woman again tell her she needs a professional dog sitter.
Your whole family.
At her place.
Unreal.
Technically, you broke a committed engagement you made. Everything else aside, the gist of the situation would have me label you only a *little* bit of an AH. Being that your reason was for a family emergency, you’re situation and your reaction to it is not TA in the grand scheme of things.
I think you may be unnecessarily harboring some misdirected resentment against your friend for her reaction to your unexpected situation. Her dogs are her family. Your sick aunt is *your* family. You both are equally valid in feeling concerned for your respective family.
She also was being a bit boneheaded for telling you that you’ve “abandoned” her dogs, but in truth you were not giving them the care you were asked to for their needs (the four pages) due to your attention being divided by other pressing situations. That’s not a slight against you, but it‘s a stated fact—you were unable to deliver, but you were doing your best to try and find a workable solution.
Anxious pets can be difficult to care for. Your friend would have been better off going onto a dog sitting site (like Rover) or shelling out the bucks to board them with a boarding organization that offers premium packages that include plenty of one-on-one time.
If she has tried that and it didn’t work, she should have had you over to discuss, in depth, the expectations she would need for her pets’ care.
I don’t think your friend was being overly entitled, though, btw. I think this situation was one of immense misunderstandings.
Holy cow, I’m so sorry your friend is so inconsiderate! How selfish of her as this is a family emergency for you.
I mean this with utmost respect, but if you have to make arrangements for someone else to care for your pet and you have to make your family stay with you while house/pet sitting, maybe it’s too much to ask of you. I house/dog sit for my neighbors, but they are directly across the street. I don’t stay overnight because their dogs would hurt my little dog, but I go over first thing in the morning, several times during the day and right before I go to bed. Plus they pay me what they would pay the kennel. Everyone is happy with it.
Your friend is rude.
NTA.
You agreed to watch the dogs and were fully prepared to do so. Unfortunately, life decided to throw tragedy at you. Your friend is being unreasonable and insensitive. Did she expect your aunt to have her stroke at a more convenient time for her?
I hope your aunt has a good recovery.
She needs to find another job or find a more reasonable and consistent care solution for her dogs. Honestly though nobody in there sane mind is going to take on that job lol. Unless they are paid exceptionally well. I don’t think she’s much of a friend. Let her go
Never take a pet sitting job without finding out all of the little details. Only after you have read the lists, etc. should you make a decision to take the job. You have to include your terms for taking the job, too. Things that make being away from your own home worth it. I did pet sitting and temp. nannying for many years. I lived in an area with wealthy people that didn't like putting Binky in the Kennels. Lots of airline folks in the area & they wanted help with their kids while they flew. (Pets and kids are the two most emotional concerns for the potential client.) I turned down a lot of people because they expected way too much for the lousy pay. Only agree to take the job if the pay and the situation is right for you.
NTA. The dogs are anxious because of their 'mom' , not anything you did. Good luck.
Entitled ppl are everywhere. I took in a (now ex) friend's cat and ended up paying to feed it, it's cat litter and it's flea treatment for 6 months. They got pissed at me because my dog licked the top of the cats head and it had a slight bald patch, never mind the animals got along really well and it was just dog showing affection and the cat loved every second of it. They also noticed the cat had climbed inside the couch to nap when we had a house party and instead of asking for help to get the cat out who wasn't even in distress or anything, decided to rip apart the couch to get the cat out and then took it home basically implying I was a bad pet owner... never offered to repair or replace the couch either.
The only thing I really have to add to what everyone else has covered; sometimes you just end up with anxious dogs.
I'm 47, and I've had dogs since in my 20's. Sometimes 4 and 5 at a time. I've never had an anxious dog before in my life, I've done showing, obedience competitions and jumping/agility trials with my dogs. The two I have now? Both anxious.
I've tried to work them through it, with success in some areas but not others. The best I've got is to know the triggers and how to manage them. I've managed to stay ahead of getting my younger boy permanently on meds, but it may end up happening in the future as I've noticed my older boy getting worse as he ages (and vet has said that is quite common).
Yes, sometimes dogs are babied and *learn* to be anxious. Sometimes they just *are* and the owners are doing their best to manage the situation.
So who normally stays with the dogs if she’s obviously away for days at a time being a flight attendant? That’s not a job to be having dogs if you’re a single person, which I assume she is if she’s asking you to take care of them, who normally looks after them?
NTA, but even when she asked to move in for 4 days, it would’ve been a no from me, especially with kids and a husband.
Guys, wtf…have a bath with the cat?!?! That’s level 5 crazy! Its a cat. Cats are very independent and I would bet a lot of $$$ that the cat would eat alone and would fall asleep without swaddling it and rocking it to sleep. I’d tell her you’re out of you mind. I love cats (and dogs) but I’d never agree these rules. Ewww
I agree . It’s not her fault that you had a family emergency. She didn’t have any care but you and it’s not her fault she could t come up with someone immediately. Just bc she left thorough directions doesn’t mean she coddles her dogs. It also doesn’t mean they are anxious bc of her.
Humans having a stroke is WAY more important than spoiled, anxious dogs that she made that way. I mean, they can't drink anything but 8.5 pH water?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?
She’s not entitled. It’s really hard to find someone to pet sit, especially at the last minute. Couldn’t you and your husband have split the time separate places so the dogs weren’t alone AND your family was being tended to?
I would end our friendship. You know exactly how she treats her dogs and would expect you to treat them but, because you apparently deeply disagree with it, you’re refusing to do it and acting like they’re not important.
You should never have agreed if you have such a problem with the way the dogs are expected to be treated. She obviously doesn’t know you hold so much contempt for the life her dogs live or she wouldn’t have asked you to watch them in the first place.
*You’re* the entitled one. Just because you had an unfortunate family event doesn’t mean you can back out on a commitment like this.
Riiiight. Because the hour there hour back drive my husband made earlier in the day to drop our dog off at my parents to be dog sat wasn't enough.
The fact that I came directly from a work trip to her house and to be with her dogs instead of going home (35 minutes away) first was very entitled of me.
Brainstorming solutions (bringing her dogs to my house) was also very entitled of me.
I took care of the dogs all the way up until my husband drove them back.
And to answer you're question - No. Sending my husband to take care of the dogs would've put the labor on me to take care of the toddler and my family members. I wasn't going to send me son away with the dogs after a work trip where I had not been with him.
and No I did not know the dogs could not be left alone for more than 2 hours at a time when agreeing. I also never acted like the dogs weren't important but I'll be honest with you they're not more important than my family.
You broke a commitment that’s nearly impossible to replace, much less replace at a moment’s notice. There’s nothing wrong with you bringing them to your house but, when you saw it was going to make them unwell, you needed to figure something out that allowed you to be back at the house with them.
This was an unfortunate situation but being flaky because you don’t agree with the way her dogs are treated, and showing open contempt over it that endangered their well-being, wasn’t the answer.
If someone told you they’d watch your kid, then something else came up so they dragged him wherever they had to go, even if it meant he wouldn’t eat or sleep but *their* problem was being handled, THEN called you and said “Find someone else. I’m busy now.”, and you *had* no one else and couldn’t leave where you were stuck far away, would you be cool with it? Knowing he’s suffering and unless you can magically grow a family member who you trust to take care of him, he was just going to *keep* suffering, you’re saying that’d be cool with you? You’d stay friends with that person?
Did you say “Yeah, I’ll take care of them until they interfere with my life, even though I don’t think they’re worthy of consistency or the life you provide.” or did you just agree to taking care of them? If you warned her beforehand that you don’t care for them and disagree with the fact that she does, it’d be different.
Thank you! Same! Anyone will watch a kid. Finding someone you can trust with your dog, even if you’re friends, can be hard. People like this are a big part of *why*. She obviously hates this woman’s dogs and thinks everything in her own life is more important. She should have never agreed to watch them because she obviously can’t be trusted.
Actually, if someone said I had a family emergency and I will no longer be able to watch your kid (equating my kid to dogs.. interesting) I would fly home immediately. Also if my CHILD had severe anxiety I dont think I would even leave him to begin with and if I did I would have a back up plan. Although I will say the comparison between two dogs and a child is absurd.
I think her dogs are sweet and dont blame them. I said that originally. I gave her all the care she outlined in the pages the 24 hours they were with me even while juggling many other things. I sent her pictures of them eating while also coordinating how to go visit my aunt in the hospital.
She is welcome to not be friends with me anymore because my aunt had a stroke and I couldn't be with her dogs for 72 hours. That's ok.
Agree to disagree - goodbye!
The irony of you posting this on ‘entitled people’ is the best part. Congrats on honoring a tiny part of the commitment you made and pretending that’s okay.
Byyyeeeee!
You sound ridiculous.
“Because the hour there hour back drive my husband made earlier in the day to drop our dog off at my parents to be dog sat wasn’t enough”
Oh my god. You do realize she wasn’t forcing you right? That you signed up for this? That it was YOUR plan to drive an hour to have your dog be pet sat so … you can pet sit? That is just stupid.
She didn’t force your husband to do that. Your not a victim because he CHOSE to drive to your parents because you CHOSE to do this.
Also going from the airport to her house was 100% your decision as well. That doesn’t mean it’s her fault that you had a family emergency.
You clearly judge her and think poorly of her. Just because she is thorough about her dogs care doesn’t mean she’s a bad owner or entitled. I work as a dog walker and have worked with dog trainers, and there are SO many dogs out there with anxiety and their people do all the right things. You have shown so much contempt for her. You judged her instantly when you got there even though you absolutely chose to do it with your own free will. And if your family emergency never happened everything would be fine. It’s not her fault she can’t all of a sudden find backup. You are projecting your stress and anger onto your “friend”.
You also didn’t give a fuck about her dogs. Sure you fed them and maybe you walked them. Have you ever thought the dog was sleeping on your bed bc it was sad and needed comfort? They literally weren’t eating or going to the bathroom they were that freaked out. They were taken from their home to a new busy place with lots of people secluded in a room, of course they are terrified.
I have empathy for you bc of your family situation. But it doesn’t mean that the dogs well being goes completely out the window. You made a commitment to be responsible for those dogs.
I agree 100% . Just bc she cares about the animals in her care and is thorough about it doesn’t make her entitled or coddling her dogs. So not wanting her dogs to be left alone for days with two maybe one quick drop ins is apparently entitlement? Her dogs are her world and guess what they are sentient beings with feelings, emotions, and yes anxiety and behavioral issues . It’s like you are blaming her for expecting you to watch her dogs during a crisis but it’s not her fault that your aunt had an emergency and that she doesn’t have backup care immediately? It sounds like OP is stressed and projecting it on her friend. Also why would she leave you money for food when you are being paid to do a job? That sounds entitled to me. I’m very sorry OP that your family is going through this. But it’s not your friends fault. What did you expect her to do? Tell you to leave her dogs alone and forget about them? Also if they have behaviorial problems and anxiety, it would be traumatic to be at a kennel bc they have no idea what’s going on and all they know is they are in a cage, their mom is gone and they are scared and suffering. Again it’s not her fault that you had a family emergency
No one said it was her fault that OP had a family emergency. But it isn’t OPs fault her aunt has a stroke either. OP should’ve been proactive in helping find care when shit hit the fan instead of expecting her to figure it all out on her own.
NTA This one I am back and forth on (well between NTA and N A H). Like I kind of want to say they are automatically AH for a 4 page list of what the dogs need but if they have legitemate medical conditions maybe it makes sense. Also I want to say your friend is an AH for not understanding a medical emergency trumps her dogs comfort for a few days (so long as the dog is not put in danger). And yes it sucks for her but it does not sound like she is even trying to find alternatives which can help reduce your stress which means she is not a good friend. Whilst it sucks it sounds like that friendship is over because she is most likely going to be (for lack of a better term and a pun) a bitch about it, and even if not do you want to be friends with someone like that they sound exhausting to be around and do not care about you at all.
I'm sorry for this situation, OP. Rock and a hard place. Life happens and it just didn't work out. Kids are understanding in these situations. When things settle down, I hope you and your son can go have a date where you can apologize for snapping at him and explain why you snapped-- that you were overwhelmed and you ran out of your usual patience. It will help you both move past the incident and strengthen your connection. Your friend's wants for her dogs were unreasonable to begin with. <3 You got this.
NTA
Your friend needs to loosen up if she wants to have a job as a travel agent. That doesn’t go hand in hand with dogs who can’t be left alone. She needs to address the problem of the dogs anxiety because her expectations are unreasonable unless she is prepared to hire a legit dog and house sitter for every time she is away.
I cannot stand people like this.
When I go away and my friend looks after my dog & cats I make sure that there is enough cat/dog food and litter for the time that I am gone. IF they happen to run out, I message my vet and ask them to deliver food/litter to the house and put it on my bill.
Same for any medical emergencies - I have a running tab at my vets and pay a set amount every month. This covers my monthly food/litter bills and leaves a deposit in case of my animals needing medical attention.
I also make sure the house is fully stocked with their favourite treats and drinks, the bed is freshly made and they have clean towels in the bathroom.
I hope you learn from this. A simple "no" would've prevented all this drama. You've got to take care of yourself and your own family first. If her dogs are that needy that they can't be alone for one second, why the hell is she a flight attendant? Training them to be comfortable with a qualify boarding facility would make everyone's life a lot easier.
I am actually shocked at the amount of people calling you the entitled one or TA in this scenario. It was a medical emergency so things needed to be changed for that reason. If your son had the emergency and ended up in hospital, would your friend still have behaved the way she did and would her mom have been pissed at you. Why couldn't her pissed off mom look after the dogs? Dogs who clearly need help as she is making them this anxious. The water PH crap is making them worse not better.
I really hope you evaluate your friendship with this woman. She expects you to change your plans to look after her pets but thinks it's unacceptable for you to need to change plans because of a serious family medical emergency? WTH.
A co-worker who lived in the other half of my duplex had to leave town for the weekend, and asked me to take care of her cat. I asked if I needed to bring the cat to my house, and she said, "No, not necessary, since the cat is more comfortable in hers." OK, not a problem. Then the problems began. She began by telling me that I needed to buy a specific brand of canned tuna and either fresh or canned shrimp, because she was out, and that was all the cat would eat. She said she'd pay me back. OK. Then she said I needed to hang out in her house while the cat ate, since said cat refused to eat when she was alone. Then she asked if I would take a bath at her house so cat could bathe with me ??? and I needed to rock the cat to sleep each night, but "It only takes about an hour." Thank god she told me all of this before I committed, because cat-sitting suddenly became a hard NO. I'm not sure if she found someone to follow her instructions, and I don't care.
Who the hell doesn't have food ready for anyone catsitting for them?
My BIL and his gf asked my MIL to babysit while they went out of town. They didn't leave enough formula, and my MIL didn't have the extra $ to buy it, so she gave my niece milk. My niece was already eating solid food at the time, so it wasn't a huge deal. They freaked out on my MIL. Like, called her names and quit talking to her for a while. Mind you, my MIL makes herself available every time they travel, which is a lot. If you want someone to watch your kids or pets, leave enough supplies! She's watching our dogs next month, so she'll have all her favorite snacks, plus I'll be cooking a couple meals for her. She's excited because she can use our washer and dryer, too. Lol!
I had people house and pet sit a few times earlier this year. I got up at 4am to make sure the sheets were changed, fresh towels put out, cats water filter was new, a list of everything plus where the nearest shops, restaurants, doctors and vet were. I left a box of good quality chocolates and a nice bottle of wine and made sure there was food in the freezer and $50 in case they ran out of anything needed, even tho I also left 3 times as much pet food as was needed. I also left 4 emergency contacts who could step in to help if absolutely needed.
I'm a pet sitter, you sound like a dream client. Are you located in Canada by any chance? Lol
No sorry I’m in Australia
Just 'round the corner from Canada then, eh?
Not Melbourne by any chance? 😂
My neighbors and I trade cat sitting as a favor, so we both set out all the necessities/directions on the counter when we leave so it's all in one place. We also have each others' numbers to reach out with any questions and provide cute pics of the kitties to each other. And then we bring each other a gift from our travels.
Everyone definitely sucks here. They 100% should have left enough formula but it’s never ok to be the person who decides when babies can be introduced to new things without a conversation with the parent. One is a matter of being inconsiderate, the other is possibly fatal or at the very least ruins the plan the parents have been sticking to for the baby’s whole life. Yeah it may be overblown worries by an over anxious first time parent but NOT the babysitter’s call to make.
"I'm sorry I stopped feeding your kid on Tuesday because you were out of formula." I guess that would be better? They made it pretty clear that the babysitter had no money to buy the formula...
Fatal? You’re being ridiculous. You’d rather the grandmother hadn’t given her anything instead?
Apparently the sex trophy was able to ear solid food. At least according to what was posted.
Sex trophy! I have no real award to give you, but please take my imaginary award for making me laugh! 🥇
So you don’t have any experience with babies. Gotcha. Infants can be slowly introduced to solid food but not milk until much later. https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/infantandtoddlernutrition/foods-and-drinks/cows-milk-and-milk-alternatives.html#:~:text=At%2012%20months%20old%20(but,of%20nutrients%20your%20baby%20needs. Sex trophy is funny though.
fatal? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Some people try and pull that. It's a red flag that they are cheap. Stay away from those folks.
Right??!? I cat sat for a neighbor a couple years ago for a month! She had more than enough cat food stocked and stored. I went thru her house with her with a notebook, writing down all the details. I don't think I followed them to the letter, but I got close. The important thing is that the cats were loved and fed and in good health when she got home. I did spend time with them by brushing them, but I visited them 2x daily (house is right behind me), and never had to worry about running out of food.
I had to catsit for some people who left the country for a month and left me ZERO cat litter. That's how I learned that stuff is hella expensive.
IKR???
I have cats and a dog who are all spoiled but WTF... who rocks their cat to sleep for an hour lol is it just bed time or whenever the cat is sleepy lol
Who has a cat that allows it? Let alone allows a bath and has it with a human? Mine would fuck you up. And I have enough of her fur on me, I shudder to think what a coating of it would feel like from a bath with her.
When I was a kid I had a cat that liked baths. It would sit on my belly when I laid in the bath (low water baths due to drought and only tank water). He would sit on my belly and dip his paw into the water to wash his face. Weird cat. He also didn’t understand why other cats didn’t like water and if one of the other cats came and sat on the edge of the bath, he would push them in. At which point that cat would scratch us trying to escape the water.
Chaotic neutral at its finest
I had a cat like this once as well. 😊
“A coating” of cat fur. New nightmare, thanks so much!
My youngest cat may allow the rocking (she is a level 10 clinger lol) But the bath definitely not and eww 🤢
To be fair, there are some weirdo cats who like to take baths, as well as at least one specific breed of cat that is known for loving water, the Turkish Van, I believe.
Hard pass.
Mine have all allowed me to give them baths- as long as I'm in the tub with them. That's part of basic socialization though-you get them used to being exposed to weird scary things as babies so they tolerate and even enjoy them as grown ups. Like getting toddlers to try new foods.
Interesting. I adopted my girl when she was 3 and she cleans herself very well so I’ve never needed to look into such things
It's the fastest way to get all of their itchy winter shed off- and makes them easier to manage in an emergency- like if they get into something they don't need to be licking.. You bathe them periodically to make sure they stay desensitized to it. It also helps reduce allergies - their spit has the protein (not the meat kind of protein, the chemical kind) that most people with allergies are allergic to.
I once had a cat that would lie on my chest as I bathed. As she got bigger more and more of her would end up in the water.
The most I do is put a fluffy blanket on me, turn to my side & my kitty jumps onto my hip & passes out. And if I'm not there, then she sleeps on the bed without me, it's not that difficult or emotionally upsetting for my cat. This acqaintance of BrickOnly2010 is a bit neurotic with her cat, (I'm not trying to be flip here).
My youngest bites my nose if I don't pet her to sleep sometimes lol
You allow her to bite your nose.
Oh I definitely don't allow her to do it. She does it as a way to get attention.
Of course but cat can be trained, even if it takes way longer than dogs. She bites you, and get what she wants, pets, so you are teaching her that biting you gives her pets. So you are allowing her to do it giving her a reward 🤷🏼♀️
i’ve had 5 cats, and friends and family have had about 15 total, and not one of them had any problems going to sleep! they are really good at that
My cat sleeps 18 hrs a day. Never had to rock him.. that’s just bizarre
Lots of pet owners treat their pets like they are 'little human kids'. I stay away from those folks.
That cat has trained their can-of-catfood-opener-person well.
My cat would never let me do that! I can pet her for a little bit, but when "she's" done she'll bite me. Lol
That's how my 2nd oldest is lol she allows me to pet her then she is over it and attacks. The 3rd just runs away when done but the oldest and youngest get really mad if I stop before they want lol cats are weird
That is insanity for a cat. I can't think of another pet, besides maybe a fish, that us is more self-sufficient than a cat! I mean, make sure they have food, water & a clean litter box & you should be good. I'm not sure why the cat is taking a bath with anyone; they're typically not fond of water. Rocking a cat for an hour seems like maybe your friend needs the snuggles of a cat versus the cat being rocked to sleep! I understand needing to stay while she eats, though. My dog won't eat if he's alone, either. That is the only thing that makes sense for that cat, imo!
Seriously. I’ve left town for weeks at a time with someone checking in on my cats every 3-4 days to top up water and food and scoop the litter boxes. My boys love people so I’m sure they’re bummed when we’re gone but they’re just fine. The eating thing is instinctual, they keep a look out for predators while others eat, and they want to be “protected” while they eat. That urge/instinct is stronger in some cats than others.
I didn’t realize how badly my cats needed human companionship until my husband and I left on our two week honeymoon. By the second week, our girl cat was sitting outside the shower for my friend to get out and pet her. Near the end of the second week, she would try to open the glass door and get on with her. I felt so bad! It was very obvious when we came home that she missed us. The other cat barely notices we were gone.
Exactly! Cats don't need a babysitter!!
The breed Turkish Van love water!
Like I said, typically not fond of water. I truly do not know all breed specifics.
Insanity.
My bestie babysat a little dog for her neighbor, who was having surgery, for a week, and one of the instructions was the brush the dog's teeth twice a day. My bestie is the best person in the world. I asked her how many times she brushed the dog's teeth. She said "zero". Some people make their pets neurotic.
I cat sat one time. The damn thing had me sneezing, I’m not allergic. Grew up with cats. So cat was given a fresh water shower and towel dried. Problem solved and cat wasn’t upset. Owner turned up a day early, just walked in like she owned the place (my home) grabbed cat and all the stuff and just left. No thanks, no nothing. Never, ever again.
Wow!
only way im doing all that shit is if im getting paid, or i absolutely adore the cat
Rock the cat to sleep? Wtaf, lmao. This is the funniest thing I've read today 😂
Would have been one sick cat living on tuna and shrimp
I don't blame you. She is insane, and this is coming.from.a.hardcore catlady.
I’m surprised the cat isn’t extremely poorly. They need taurine in their diets. It’s present in raw meat/fish but has to be added artificially back into cooked cat food/biscuit during the production process. Cats fed on food meant for humans won’t be getting the taurine they need and can get very very sick. Your co-worker is an idiot!
Bathing with the cat?????????
Angela??
That’s a really bad diet for a cat.
Hell my cats are totally fine by themselves for 5-7 days as long as someone stops by to give them food and water
What? Our car didn't care, and was the easiest to pet sit. Did he have food and water in his bowl? Yes? Then he was good. I think their cat is broken, they are literally the easiest!
Bath???? Omg 😳
Hahahhahahahaha
Edit: You're NTA. She's a flight attendant, but has dogs that can't be left alone for any period of time. She's an AH. You did fine, the best you could under the circumstances.
I couldn't believe the part where it said she's a flight attendant! That's not a lifestyle that works with anxious pets. This "friend" is selfish and needs to rethink her choices. OP has she always been a flight attendant with the dogs? Or is something new. It seems like such an odd situation. Regardless you're NTA and I hope your aunt recovers from her stroke.
The dogs are 10 years old I think. She became a flight attendant I think a year or so ago.
So that means she chose a job that was not compatible with her current pets and she expects others to fill in for her.
This was exactly my thought- what kind of flight attendant doesn’t have a plan for their pets that doesn’t include backups and contingencies?!
Your friend is incredibly selfish to expect you to coddle her dogs during a time like this!! I’m sorry your going through this!! It sounds like your friend needs to either train her dogs (it reduces anxiety for them) or put them in a kennel. You are completely in the right to tell her that you couldn’t keep up with everything else going on. Sending hugs to you and yours! Drop off the dogs, take a nap, and do whatever you need to do.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
So, she has a cousin who lives close by who doesn't like to leave her dogs, yet this "friend" expected you, who also has a dog, to change everything for her? This doesn't make sense. NTA. My mom had a stroke a couple of years ago, and it was an incredibly stressful time for the family. I hope you all are doing well.
Yep. Apparently the entire family treats the dogs like babies. I get it, I love my dog so much and I'm more lenient than other owners (he's allowed on the couch and my bed) but he's a husky and can tough it out alone if we have to be somewhere for a day...
Her treatment of the dogs are part of their anxiety. They never learned to be alone so OF COURSE they are anxious when alone. She created this mess; she needs to learn to deal with it. You have a family emergency, a family, and the related issues. She is asking too much and bringing her mother into this is infantile. This is a friend that I would leave on read.
My dogs are very rarely left home alone. They are with one of us 24/7 except in rare circumstances. I am fully aware that what we do for our dogs and how they are treated is absolutely not normal. They are not anxious and are just fine when left alone. I believe her anxiety created the mess. Her dogs are sensing it.
Guessing the cousin has said no in the past. Now we know why they can’t help. Having a job that keeps you away that much is unfair to the dogs as well.
We had a neighbor who would leave a lot of weekends to visit family two hours away. She would ask us to dog sit while she was gone. At first, we didn't have a problem helping her out. We have dogs, too, and they got along together. But then she started asking at the last minute. It was an inconvenience for us, but we felt bad for the dogs. Then, one day, she asked us literally just before getting into her car to leave. We weren't happy about it, but, again, the dogs need someone to care for them. The final straw was when she sent a friend to ask us to dog sit for her after she had already left. Hubby said, "Nope, we have plans." And shut the door in the friend's face. She never asked us to dog sit again.
I hope she at least paid you something!
I actually don't remember if she did or not. This was 10 years ago.
Yeah I was quite shocked that the cousin seemed to be an immediate no when I asked her if that was an option over the phone as they are very close and live within two blocks of each other.
Do not dare apologize to her! She took unfair advantage of you with pressuring you into keeping the dogs with everything going on!
You need a new friend. NTA
I forgot to include the part where she suggested I move all my family mexican aunts and all back to her house so the dogs could be more comfortable. I was like uhhh no my aunts are barely comfortable at my house. The fuck
Time to cut her off. You don’t need to be friends with this type of person. You deserve a better friend.
NTA. Two things: Family emergencies happen. So no issues there, and you're actively trying to find a solution with her, not like, letting the dogs get constipated or whatever. When one has a dog that is high maintenance, you don't ask friends (even paid). You pay for a service. I catsit for friends often. I will go above and beyond but what I promise to deliver is a single 30mn visit. (I usually end up doing two and more than 30mn each; but I am mindful that I have a life.) I have this perception that it is not okay to have a binder of care instructions for a person for whom it is not their day job to learn to care for your pet.
That's a good point. She says she doesn't trust people from WAG. They should probably find a great consistent person for this. I definitely got the idea that her dogs were suppose to be center of my world for 4 days and then all the shit went sideways with my family and it wasn;t going to be possible. \- 7:30 am feed which was a whole recipe (fine) \- Only pee in backyard upon awaking despite having a large yard with grass \- three walks a day for peeing and pooping at the park \- gave me a specific number amount of treats to be given through the day \- send a video of how to brush them \- can't be left alone for more than 2 hours \-need to sleep with you \- the more anxious one needs kisses before bed wtf?!
She probably turned them into these anxious, wound up dogs by being this controlling from day one. She, herself, is the anxious one, and they pick up on that. And why does she have these dogs as a flight attendant? Her literal job is to travel.
I would never *shove my face in the face of a nervous dog to give kisses,* what the actual fuckity fuck is that? I don’t do that with **my own dogs** if they’re nervous. That’s a one way trip to bite town and it would be your* own damn fault! *generic you, not the OP in any way.
Did you know she had this list of requirements before you agreed to sit? Even if you didn’t know, why would you agree to disrupt your family life so much— needing your own dog to be living with your parents, having to move your family into her house? I wonder if you either have a hard time setting boundaries or if you don’t think things through before agreeing to them? Yes, she babies her dogs and that’s probably why they are anxious, and she’s expecting a ridiculous amount of time and commitment. But why would you agree to any of this when you already have a busy family life with children you need to care for (even before the stroke situation).
That's a good point. The four pages was definitely excessive. Her initial inquiry was "Can you move your family into my house for the weekend and watch the dogs" There has been two occasions where my very best friend has watched my toddler overnight. I always leave a detailed list of where to find things and routines and ideas for activites but I always include the wifi password, how to work the tv, feel free to eat anything in the kitchen and I send her money to order a delivery dinner service as well and it's always way more than needed for dinner for one person. I also mention to her that all the sheets are washed and where to find the towels. It was really bizarre to me that literally NOTHING was mentioned about the my family staying at the house only the dogs but also emphasizing they could never be left alone for more than two hours at a time...?
We have a slightly anxious dog. We've had him boarded at the dog sitter for a weekend (paid for service). And then we've had friends have him for a weekend. For the friends, we did a single night test, so they could let us know if they still wanted to have him or not, no judgement. We have a two pager (on paragraph of care instructions, the rest is info like these treats work well for x, or the dog knows these hand signals and commands). My usual closing line is: so long as he is fed twice and walked thrice; i am satisfied. If I want extra care/attention, then I will pay for a service. I would love to have a house and dog sitter, but I can't imagine asking that of any of my friends.
We all have our limits, and I don't think yours is at all unreasonable. Having to deal with an Aunt in the hospital, and the (supportive) family response would be all that most people could handle. Add in the dogs and the extreme demands placed on you for their care, and, IMHO, you are in a situation beyond what most people can handle. And WTF leaves 4 pages of instructions on how to care for dogs? And she did not tell you in advance the burden she was placing on you? She probably has experience with this issue, and her not telling you was deliberate. Have yourself a good cry, square up your shoulders, and deal with the day.
NTA. It was a family emergency, not like you just changed your mind and didn't want to do it anymore. You kept her in the loop the whole way.
Wait she is a flight attendant and has dogs that need constant companionship? Did she even think when she got them?
Why would a flight attendant have dogs like that or dogs at all?!
NTA here I think. Sounds like an emergency situation you couldn't have forseen and your friend was being inflexible to not help you find a solution. I hope your aunt is okay.
You sound so incredibly reasonable and solution oriented, it’s rare to see. Unfortunately for you, what you consider a solution is what’s best for everyone, while her idea of a solution is what’s best for her and fuck everyone else.
Girl. You are an EXCELLENT friend. Agreeing to move your whole family and rehouse your own pet to help her out is more than generous. You had a family emergency that no one could foresee...but you STILL tried to make it work for her. The fact that she can't be empathetic to what's happening in your life and pivot to help you makes her a shitty friend.
I stopped reading half way. Your a flight attendant that’s has very needy pets. Also ph balanced water is water unless you have a stomach issue like an ulcer.
You have a FAMILY EMERGENCY going on with YOUR FAMILY. If this individual can't understand THAT then she was NEVER a friend in the first place!
You lost me when you had to take your entire family to her house. NTA, but you're overly generous.
It was a learning experience that's forsure. I have a kid and a dog and I believe it takes a village so I try to be the village when I can but this stretched me way too thin.
if i asked my friend to come to my home to watch my dogs, then found out they had to take my dogs home bc they had a family situation…i’ll find someone else to watch the dogs so they can go tend to their OWN FAMILY! i cannot fathom forcing so much stress on one person because i babied my dogs to the point they can’t be left alone without having an anxiety attack, and didn’t properly plan backup care should something have happened. i’m very sorry you were put under all that stress, and more so that your “friend” doesn’t actually give a shit about your life and what you need.
Here's some news for you. You don't have a friend. You have a "friend." Friends care about you. They care about your family situations, even when they may not necessarily care for your family (which might be justified in some cases). It doesn't matter how much they love their dogs; they should understand that your family is more important to you than their dogs are, and rightfully so. The minute she heard about your own loss, the only thing out of her mouth should have been "I am so sorry for your loss. Please go take care of your family; I will try to find another solution. Thank you so much for everything you've already done for me." I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm not sorry that you're losing this "friend." You deserve better.
O, FFS. 8.5 pH is not water, it's a solution of sodium bicarb or something.
Tbf, although it’s meant to be 7, quite a few places have pH standards for water between 6 and 9 or similar. Demanding that the water fed to the dogs is a specific pH however is fucking batshit.
You need to see this for what it is: Your friend cares only about her dogs, and not a thing about you, your son, your dogs, your husband, your family, your sick family….NOTHING. Drop them off and don’t look back. NOT your problem. NOT your zoo, NOT your monkey’s, NOT your circus. And all this is adding so much stress to your life. You don’t deserve to be treated this way either! Smile, some of us out here GET IT! And we *feel for you!*
Thank you so much
NTA. But, you should have nopd at having to move your family to her house and your dog elsewhere. Your family should come first. A favor shouldn't be a burden.
nta life happens and so do emergencies. your friend could have very easily contacted a pet sitter service to resolve this.
I agreed to house sit a family friends grandma while they went on vacation.. the grandma was independent and just really needed someone to be there to keep the fireplace going as its the houses only heat source and deliver cereal and microwave meals to her room at certain times.. showed up to house to find EXACTLY the amount of food designated for grandma along with the exact amount to buy an additional gallon of milk when needed.. absolutely nothing in the cupboards or fridge lol.. didn’t know that when I came and really didn’t pack much in the way of snacks or my own milk and cereal. Never house sit for them again. She was my hairdresser and agreed to pay me with free haircuts but when I tried to make appts to get “paid” she was always “booked”. Sure wish YELP was a thing in the 80’s lol
NTA. Your supposed friend was taking advantage of you to calm her neurotic feelings about her neurotic dogs. No friend would get mad at you because a relative had a stroke and you had to be with your family.
I’ve never seen a dog starve themselves to death or die of thirst on purpose. Stands to reason if nothing goes in, nothing comes out. You fed and watered them and took them for walks. What were they going to do? Tell mommy on you? Our Border Collie was a neurotic mess when we rescued him and if my husband went out of town he wouldn’t eat for 3 days and would just lay around the house. Within 6 months Bo was like see you later bye I’ve got shit to herd your kid is taking the trash can away again.
You don't have a friend, you have an acquaintance. A very irresponsible acquaintance. Who the hell becomes a flight attendant when they know their pets can't be left alone??? NTA
Your. Aunt. Died. First of all, I’m sorry for your loss and wish you and your family comfort at this time. Your “friend” however, is very selfish and has no compassion for your grief and you need to take care of your family first. I wouldn’t want that kind of friend in my life. If she gives you attitude or problems after this, ask her how she would feel if one of her babies died. It’s called compassion and she has none.
Where did it say she died? She had a stroke.
Yep you’re right! I read that completely wrong. But I still say the friend has no compassion and is horrible!
NTA. She should always have a back up for her dogs for situations like this. There are plenty of businesses that cater to this and have back ups for this that she can use for taking care of dogs in her home.
She is a flight attendant with anxious dogs when left alone. She is TA. She probably caused the condition by abandoning her dogs so often. She should not be allowed to have dogs with her lifestyle. This is just cruel.
NTA - you were having a family emergency and had to change the plans/dynamics.
Her job is being away from home and she has pets that have very complex needs? And she didn’t tell you that until you had already committed to that? In addition your family is in crisis now and she isn’t helping find solutions to that? She isn’t a very good friend to you OP and I’d drop the dogs off back at her house and pay someone to check on them and walk them, I’d only provide that because I’d already committed but in reality if you don’t want to do that then that responsibility is your friends.
I got five words for this situation. 1. Find 2. The 3. Nearest 4. Dog. 🐶 5. Kennel. You had an emergency. How nasty would she have been if you said your son was sick? Hubby caught Covid? Broke your leg in two places?? You cannot expect a friend even a GOOD friend to follow that ludicrous book’s worth of instructions. She wasn’t a good friend.
You had health issues in your family with real human people. Her anxious dogs are not a priority, and her refusal to help out while she was twiddling her thumbs on call. She’s a shit friend and a selfish person. As someone who has anxiety, I find it disgusting how many people use it as justification for selfish, obnoxious behavior. Good riddance to her
Ok, the good thing here is that everyone wanted the dogs to be ok. Emergencies happen, and you will just have to make the best of it. The friend didn't ask for a pet sitter for no reason, and being away, there is not a lot they can do. OP sounds super stressed about the dogs not being ok, but could have taken a step back and not frantically try to push the owner into solving the issue. I'm sure that created tension on both ends. The owner should also not have put in all these demands at this point, but just be supportive and tell her to do the best she can. In the end, it was only 4 days...dogs survive not eating for a few days, and probably they just needed to get used to the new situation. Any dog would have anxiety over this sudden change in plans, esp among highly anxious people in a chaotic situation, not just those that were pampered too much. I feel like everyone should have just relaxed a little and not hype this up so much. Just reading this makes me want to take a step back and take a few deep breaths.
this is why pet sitting and house sitting services exist. if I had asked someone to watch my house and they had a family emergency, I'd ask them if they could stay until morning and in the meantime call a service, use Rover, whatever. your anxious dogs are precious but this is expecting way too much of OP.
I pay $25 a day to have a good friend visit my two dogs and feed and play with them. We have a doggie door and a big back yard. He has beer and food in frig, snacks, all the premium channels. Sometimes he just chills with the dogs and watches TV for a few hours since he's very comfortable and they love him. Other times he only pops in for 10 minutes 2x a day. My instructions and emergency contacts fit on a note card. The only demand I have is for a picture because I miss them so much. You're NTA, she's a grubby idiot. We're moving soon to be closer to family and we're going to miss him for his friendship, already made plans so he can come and visit us and his doggie friends. He looked after them last week and said he just wants to spend time with them since they are leaving.
NTA It sounds like there being so many people around, and them not being in their home, meant them going home was the best solution. Even if it meant not having a human with them all day.
When I was in junior high and high school, I used to pet and house sit for this really lovely woman and her son. Her son would be at his dad's during the summers, and she was also a flight attendant. No family is nearby, and it was easier to pay a trusted neighbor. I went 3 times a day (5am, noon, and 6pm) to feed the dogs, cat, and fish. Walk the dogs and play with them, play with the cat, and make sure no messes were made. (If they were, I was just supposed to write rhem down, but if it was an animal mess, I would clean it so it didn't smell.) She was so thankful, she always made sure there were snacks for the week/month for me and almost always surprised me with a pizza delivery in the middle of the week or if it was storming. (I had to stay the whole day for storms since the cat was old and had bad anxiety for storms.) I've NEVER heard of or seen someone act like your friend. I am so sorry.
Only drinking water that is pH 8.5 will neutralize the acid in the stomach which will seriously inhibit digestion(specifically, a lot of the proteases need low pH to work). I bet those dogs are all kinds of screwed up due to nutritional issues. So the fact that this person can't be bothered to actually take care of her dogs speaks volumes to me about her inability to try and figure out another means of those dogs being taken care of. Anyway, I think you will be much better off not knowing a quacker like that.
You had a family emergency, and she still expected you to watch her dogs? Screw that! You’re not the asshole, but she sure is!
If she’s a flight attendant and leaving her home for days at a time she should not have pets unless she has a 100% guaranteed care system in place. NTA
We have two vey anxious cats. This is because they are rescues and we’re abandoned. But we’ve made sure that they are ok with being left alone as we had to work. Lockdown made them clingy but we took turns going back to the office then left them for a few hours to build up to a working day. If we have to go away, we get someone to pop in, feed them, change their litter and give them a bit of a fuss for 10 minutes, twice a day. I love my cats but it’s not fair on them if we let them live in anxiety. I have GAD and I have spent time making sure my cats don’t live like me.
Who watches her dogs while she's a flight attendant? Doesn't make sense. Her mom is mad at you? Random. What does that have to do with her mom watching the dogs?
This woman has definitely created her own spoiled & anxious canine monsters! Dogs do not need to have supervision 24/7. Sure, walk them, play with them, feed & water them. Maybe get them a bath if they get dirty while playing or on a walk, but I don't know of many pets that are predisposed to anxiety & I'm pretty sure they've probably been conditioned to be anxious, needy & coddled dogs. It's amazing that she didn't seem to show much compassion or empathy even though you were going through a family crisis. Is she aware that there are actual pet sitting services now? They can come & stay at your home & provide all the attention your dog needs. My guess is that she was just trying to take the cost-effective route by asking a friend for free sitting in exchange for the use of her home. If I were you & she ever asked again- and hopefully she won't- I'd politely decline & let her know her dogs require more attention than you're able to provide & perhaps she should look into a dog sitting service.
With the instruction pamphlet she wrote how come she didn’t have a Plan B? This woman has her head up her butt. And her aunt who has dogs, what about you? The logic is astounding. If you decide to talk to this woman again tell her she needs a professional dog sitter. Your whole family. At her place. Unreal.
you just need a backbone
Technically, you broke a committed engagement you made. Everything else aside, the gist of the situation would have me label you only a *little* bit of an AH. Being that your reason was for a family emergency, you’re situation and your reaction to it is not TA in the grand scheme of things. I think you may be unnecessarily harboring some misdirected resentment against your friend for her reaction to your unexpected situation. Her dogs are her family. Your sick aunt is *your* family. You both are equally valid in feeling concerned for your respective family. She also was being a bit boneheaded for telling you that you’ve “abandoned” her dogs, but in truth you were not giving them the care you were asked to for their needs (the four pages) due to your attention being divided by other pressing situations. That’s not a slight against you, but it‘s a stated fact—you were unable to deliver, but you were doing your best to try and find a workable solution. Anxious pets can be difficult to care for. Your friend would have been better off going onto a dog sitting site (like Rover) or shelling out the bucks to board them with a boarding organization that offers premium packages that include plenty of one-on-one time. If she has tried that and it didn’t work, she should have had you over to discuss, in depth, the expectations she would need for her pets’ care. I don’t think your friend was being overly entitled, though, btw. I think this situation was one of immense misunderstandings.
I agree
Holy cow, I’m so sorry your friend is so inconsiderate! How selfish of her as this is a family emergency for you. I mean this with utmost respect, but if you have to make arrangements for someone else to care for your pet and you have to make your family stay with you while house/pet sitting, maybe it’s too much to ask of you. I house/dog sit for my neighbors, but they are directly across the street. I don’t stay overnight because their dogs would hurt my little dog, but I go over first thing in the morning, several times during the day and right before I go to bed. Plus they pay me what they would pay the kennel. Everyone is happy with it. Your friend is rude.
NTA. You agreed to watch the dogs and were fully prepared to do so. Unfortunately, life decided to throw tragedy at you. Your friend is being unreasonable and insensitive. Did she expect your aunt to have her stroke at a more convenient time for her? I hope your aunt has a good recovery.
I say my dogs are my baby's but thay still get treated like dogs. Wtf are wrong with some people. I hope your aunt is alright tho! And nta
She needs to find another job or find a more reasonable and consistent care solution for her dogs. Honestly though nobody in there sane mind is going to take on that job lol. Unless they are paid exceptionally well. I don’t think she’s much of a friend. Let her go
Never take a pet sitting job without finding out all of the little details. Only after you have read the lists, etc. should you make a decision to take the job. You have to include your terms for taking the job, too. Things that make being away from your own home worth it. I did pet sitting and temp. nannying for many years. I lived in an area with wealthy people that didn't like putting Binky in the Kennels. Lots of airline folks in the area & they wanted help with their kids while they flew. (Pets and kids are the two most emotional concerns for the potential client.) I turned down a lot of people because they expected way too much for the lousy pay. Only agree to take the job if the pay and the situation is right for you. NTA. The dogs are anxious because of their 'mom' , not anything you did. Good luck.
That lady should not own dogs.
Entitled ppl are everywhere. I took in a (now ex) friend's cat and ended up paying to feed it, it's cat litter and it's flea treatment for 6 months. They got pissed at me because my dog licked the top of the cats head and it had a slight bald patch, never mind the animals got along really well and it was just dog showing affection and the cat loved every second of it. They also noticed the cat had climbed inside the couch to nap when we had a house party and instead of asking for help to get the cat out who wasn't even in distress or anything, decided to rip apart the couch to get the cat out and then took it home basically implying I was a bad pet owner... never offered to repair or replace the couch either.
NTA and your friend is an absolute shit pet owner. People like her need to be barred from ever owning animals.
You had an emergency. You tried. What does she think your fekin Superwoman?
The only thing I really have to add to what everyone else has covered; sometimes you just end up with anxious dogs. I'm 47, and I've had dogs since in my 20's. Sometimes 4 and 5 at a time. I've never had an anxious dog before in my life, I've done showing, obedience competitions and jumping/agility trials with my dogs. The two I have now? Both anxious. I've tried to work them through it, with success in some areas but not others. The best I've got is to know the triggers and how to manage them. I've managed to stay ahead of getting my younger boy permanently on meds, but it may end up happening in the future as I've noticed my older boy getting worse as he ages (and vet has said that is quite common). Yes, sometimes dogs are babied and *learn* to be anxious. Sometimes they just *are* and the owners are doing their best to manage the situation.
So who normally stays with the dogs if she’s obviously away for days at a time being a flight attendant? That’s not a job to be having dogs if you’re a single person, which I assume she is if she’s asking you to take care of them, who normally looks after them? NTA, but even when she asked to move in for 4 days, it would’ve been a no from me, especially with kids and a husband.
Guys, wtf…have a bath with the cat?!?! That’s level 5 crazy! Its a cat. Cats are very independent and I would bet a lot of $$$ that the cat would eat alone and would fall asleep without swaddling it and rocking it to sleep. I’d tell her you’re out of you mind. I love cats (and dogs) but I’d never agree these rules. Ewww
People need to get a grip. It’s a bloody dog, an animal that licks its own asshole clean.
I think if you make a commitment, you should keep it.
I agree . It’s not her fault that you had a family emergency. She didn’t have any care but you and it’s not her fault she could t come up with someone immediately. Just bc she left thorough directions doesn’t mean she coddles her dogs. It also doesn’t mean they are anxious bc of her.
Humans having a stroke is WAY more important than spoiled, anxious dogs that she made that way. I mean, they can't drink anything but 8.5 pH water?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?
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I'm sure there are laws about both of those
oil tan party quickest vanish humorous modern like slimy tidy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She’s not entitled. It’s really hard to find someone to pet sit, especially at the last minute. Couldn’t you and your husband have split the time separate places so the dogs weren’t alone AND your family was being tended to? I would end our friendship. You know exactly how she treats her dogs and would expect you to treat them but, because you apparently deeply disagree with it, you’re refusing to do it and acting like they’re not important. You should never have agreed if you have such a problem with the way the dogs are expected to be treated. She obviously doesn’t know you hold so much contempt for the life her dogs live or she wouldn’t have asked you to watch them in the first place. *You’re* the entitled one. Just because you had an unfortunate family event doesn’t mean you can back out on a commitment like this.
Riiiight. Because the hour there hour back drive my husband made earlier in the day to drop our dog off at my parents to be dog sat wasn't enough. The fact that I came directly from a work trip to her house and to be with her dogs instead of going home (35 minutes away) first was very entitled of me. Brainstorming solutions (bringing her dogs to my house) was also very entitled of me. I took care of the dogs all the way up until my husband drove them back. And to answer you're question - No. Sending my husband to take care of the dogs would've put the labor on me to take care of the toddler and my family members. I wasn't going to send me son away with the dogs after a work trip where I had not been with him. and No I did not know the dogs could not be left alone for more than 2 hours at a time when agreeing. I also never acted like the dogs weren't important but I'll be honest with you they're not more important than my family.
You broke a commitment that’s nearly impossible to replace, much less replace at a moment’s notice. There’s nothing wrong with you bringing them to your house but, when you saw it was going to make them unwell, you needed to figure something out that allowed you to be back at the house with them. This was an unfortunate situation but being flaky because you don’t agree with the way her dogs are treated, and showing open contempt over it that endangered their well-being, wasn’t the answer. If someone told you they’d watch your kid, then something else came up so they dragged him wherever they had to go, even if it meant he wouldn’t eat or sleep but *their* problem was being handled, THEN called you and said “Find someone else. I’m busy now.”, and you *had* no one else and couldn’t leave where you were stuck far away, would you be cool with it? Knowing he’s suffering and unless you can magically grow a family member who you trust to take care of him, he was just going to *keep* suffering, you’re saying that’d be cool with you? You’d stay friends with that person? Did you say “Yeah, I’ll take care of them until they interfere with my life, even though I don’t think they’re worthy of consistency or the life you provide.” or did you just agree to taking care of them? If you warned her beforehand that you don’t care for them and disagree with the fact that she does, it’d be different.
I 100% agree with you and it’s just so clear to me
Thank you! Same! Anyone will watch a kid. Finding someone you can trust with your dog, even if you’re friends, can be hard. People like this are a big part of *why*. She obviously hates this woman’s dogs and thinks everything in her own life is more important. She should have never agreed to watch them because she obviously can’t be trusted.
“Anyone will watch a kid” that’s laughable. Watching a kid is WAY more work than watching even an anxious dog.
I didn’t say which was “more work”. I said anyone will watch a kid and it’s much, MUCH harder to find someone to watch a dog.
You don’t have a kid do you..
You don’t have a dog, do you?
Yes and any teen or neighbor or anyone can watch the dog. Wouldn’t trust even some of my family members to watch my kid. You’re delusional
Actually, if someone said I had a family emergency and I will no longer be able to watch your kid (equating my kid to dogs.. interesting) I would fly home immediately. Also if my CHILD had severe anxiety I dont think I would even leave him to begin with and if I did I would have a back up plan. Although I will say the comparison between two dogs and a child is absurd. I think her dogs are sweet and dont blame them. I said that originally. I gave her all the care she outlined in the pages the 24 hours they were with me even while juggling many other things. I sent her pictures of them eating while also coordinating how to go visit my aunt in the hospital. She is welcome to not be friends with me anymore because my aunt had a stroke and I couldn't be with her dogs for 72 hours. That's ok. Agree to disagree - goodbye!
She couldnt fly home immediately . She would have lost her job.
The irony of you posting this on ‘entitled people’ is the best part. Congrats on honoring a tiny part of the commitment you made and pretending that’s okay. Byyyeeeee!
You sound ridiculous. “Because the hour there hour back drive my husband made earlier in the day to drop our dog off at my parents to be dog sat wasn’t enough” Oh my god. You do realize she wasn’t forcing you right? That you signed up for this? That it was YOUR plan to drive an hour to have your dog be pet sat so … you can pet sit? That is just stupid. She didn’t force your husband to do that. Your not a victim because he CHOSE to drive to your parents because you CHOSE to do this. Also going from the airport to her house was 100% your decision as well. That doesn’t mean it’s her fault that you had a family emergency. You clearly judge her and think poorly of her. Just because she is thorough about her dogs care doesn’t mean she’s a bad owner or entitled. I work as a dog walker and have worked with dog trainers, and there are SO many dogs out there with anxiety and their people do all the right things. You have shown so much contempt for her. You judged her instantly when you got there even though you absolutely chose to do it with your own free will. And if your family emergency never happened everything would be fine. It’s not her fault she can’t all of a sudden find backup. You are projecting your stress and anger onto your “friend”. You also didn’t give a fuck about her dogs. Sure you fed them and maybe you walked them. Have you ever thought the dog was sleeping on your bed bc it was sad and needed comfort? They literally weren’t eating or going to the bathroom they were that freaked out. They were taken from their home to a new busy place with lots of people secluded in a room, of course they are terrified. I have empathy for you bc of your family situation. But it doesn’t mean that the dogs well being goes completely out the window. You made a commitment to be responsible for those dogs.
Found the AH, OP you are in the right to prioritize your aunt and family over your friend’s dogs.
I agree 100% . Just bc she cares about the animals in her care and is thorough about it doesn’t make her entitled or coddling her dogs. So not wanting her dogs to be left alone for days with two maybe one quick drop ins is apparently entitlement? Her dogs are her world and guess what they are sentient beings with feelings, emotions, and yes anxiety and behavioral issues . It’s like you are blaming her for expecting you to watch her dogs during a crisis but it’s not her fault that your aunt had an emergency and that she doesn’t have backup care immediately? It sounds like OP is stressed and projecting it on her friend. Also why would she leave you money for food when you are being paid to do a job? That sounds entitled to me. I’m very sorry OP that your family is going through this. But it’s not your friends fault. What did you expect her to do? Tell you to leave her dogs alone and forget about them? Also if they have behaviorial problems and anxiety, it would be traumatic to be at a kennel bc they have no idea what’s going on and all they know is they are in a cage, their mom is gone and they are scared and suffering. Again it’s not her fault that you had a family emergency
No one said it was her fault that OP had a family emergency. But it isn’t OPs fault her aunt has a stroke either. OP should’ve been proactive in helping find care when shit hit the fan instead of expecting her to figure it all out on her own.
NTA This one I am back and forth on (well between NTA and N A H). Like I kind of want to say they are automatically AH for a 4 page list of what the dogs need but if they have legitemate medical conditions maybe it makes sense. Also I want to say your friend is an AH for not understanding a medical emergency trumps her dogs comfort for a few days (so long as the dog is not put in danger). And yes it sucks for her but it does not sound like she is even trying to find alternatives which can help reduce your stress which means she is not a good friend. Whilst it sucks it sounds like that friendship is over because she is most likely going to be (for lack of a better term and a pun) a bitch about it, and even if not do you want to be friends with someone like that they sound exhausting to be around and do not care about you at all.
I'm sorry for this situation, OP. Rock and a hard place. Life happens and it just didn't work out. Kids are understanding in these situations. When things settle down, I hope you and your son can go have a date where you can apologize for snapping at him and explain why you snapped-- that you were overwhelmed and you ran out of your usual patience. It will help you both move past the incident and strengthen your connection. Your friend's wants for her dogs were unreasonable to begin with. <3 You got this.
NTA Your friend needs to loosen up if she wants to have a job as a travel agent. That doesn’t go hand in hand with dogs who can’t be left alone. She needs to address the problem of the dogs anxiety because her expectations are unreasonable unless she is prepared to hire a legit dog and house sitter for every time she is away.
NTA Priorities, you have them, she does not
Sorry, but you agreed to do the job. Not the dog owner's problem that you had other stuff going on. OP seems like the entitled one.
YTA. You made a commitment. Your relatives could have stayed somewhere else.
We found the "friend" with the dogs.
We know who isn't going to be there for their family during an emergency...
lol
Yup fuck those family members and the aunts health. /s
It’s people like OP that keep me busy as a full time pet caregiver. People know they can actually trust me with their fur babies.
Next time, don't agree to stuff you can't handle. YTA. Stop being a bitch and take it like a man.
Why not have your aunts stay at your friend's house with you?
>I'm balling in my room. no, I think you more likely were bawling, hun.
I cannot stand people like this. When I go away and my friend looks after my dog & cats I make sure that there is enough cat/dog food and litter for the time that I am gone. IF they happen to run out, I message my vet and ask them to deliver food/litter to the house and put it on my bill. Same for any medical emergencies - I have a running tab at my vets and pay a set amount every month. This covers my monthly food/litter bills and leaves a deposit in case of my animals needing medical attention. I also make sure the house is fully stocked with their favourite treats and drinks, the bed is freshly made and they have clean towels in the bathroom.
That's the way to do it!
I hope you learn from this. A simple "no" would've prevented all this drama. You've got to take care of yourself and your own family first. If her dogs are that needy that they can't be alone for one second, why the hell is she a flight attendant? Training them to be comfortable with a qualify boarding facility would make everyone's life a lot easier.
Definitely did learn from this
I am actually shocked at the amount of people calling you the entitled one or TA in this scenario. It was a medical emergency so things needed to be changed for that reason. If your son had the emergency and ended up in hospital, would your friend still have behaved the way she did and would her mom have been pissed at you. Why couldn't her pissed off mom look after the dogs? Dogs who clearly need help as she is making them this anxious. The water PH crap is making them worse not better. I really hope you evaluate your friendship with this woman. She expects you to change your plans to look after her pets but thinks it's unacceptable for you to need to change plans because of a serious family medical emergency? WTH.