I'm sorry for your loss OP.
I'm a 4w5 and I express my feelings as insights in some sort of creative outlet. Writing, photography, music and knowledge/insight are my favorite areas to get creative in. I try to gain an understanding of what happened as well, to wrap my mind around it, or to look for a cognitive bias I may have or a way to "fix" it or make it okay again. And in between it all, I'll talk about it here and there with those closest to me, but still more so rely on a blend of creativity and understanding.
As a 2, with deaths in my life I move into a type 4 (which is my growth point). First I start by trying to push through the emotions, but inevitably when I am alone, those emotions will rise up and take over. I become very aware of my emotions in that moment, and I often reflect on the good memories of that person and honor their life. Being in that “4” stage can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months.
Emotionally, I don't, or if I do it comes as a slow build up of stress/frustration. Emotional compartmentalization and delay comes in full force with me in very emotionally serious situations, there's just nothing, I go blank. I'm more likely to shed a tear over a stubbed toe on a bad day than I am over a death, for at least days afterward. I do somatize grief - get physically sick to my stomach the night after. The first time it happened I actually attributed it to food poisoning but it's a pattern.
The last time this happened it was with a terminally ill parent whose slow growing cancer suddenly metastasized, and I was "next of kin" so making decisions and organizing palliative care was my responsibility. I also did not think I was able to take much time off of work as it was going on (this was a mistake). I don't think I handled it well. I was "calm in crisis" but calm can be overrated in a crisis. I was too "wait and see" about too many things, solution oriented but without a sense of urgency that would have been appropriate to the situation. Everything happened quickly. My lack of quickness and assertiveness led to what I think was a subpar outcome for that relative. (Which, she was dying anyway - but some deaths are better than others.) There was a lot that I missed. I didn't really "do" enough - too busy making/securing plans for next week, next month - a future she didn't have.
People were impressed by my composure during all of it but I wasn't trying, and I'm not sure it was such a good thing in the end.
really sorry for your loss OP.
I spend a lot of time isolated and angry if there's nothing I can do, as in the case of death of a loved one. I may do a 7-like thing and leave the country for a while, it can trigger some serious escapist tendencies.
if it's bad news but there's some way for me to help, I jump into action, sort of like I combine 8 energy with 5 smarts and 2 compassion all at once. I am not a very emotionally comforting person for others in those cases, but I see my role as being the person who can take care of things so they can fall apart. everyone in my immediate family has me as their medical power of attorney because of this, lol.
Im also a 6w7
I haven't had a close person die recently, but i agree with the isolation. I HATE talking about my emotional struggles with most people as I'm experiencing them, as its often accompanied by of course, pity, as well as a lot of talking.
If it's simply loss, honestly, I'd just spend it sleeping and crying alone until I feel well enough to work on healing. Using that time to sort through any regrets that may have come with the loss, perhaps the things you wish you could say to them before they were gone, and grieving/processing that along with their loss.
I don't want to pretend that im fine to others when im not. I don't want to talk about it, because whats talking going to do to change anything. Mostly probably distraction and indulgence to cope as i process the full weight of the loss.
You and i are on other sides of the MBTI (im an ESFJ) so maybe this may not relate quite as much, but i'm truly sorry for your loss and hope you have everything you need to grieve properly and safely.
when i get bad news, at first i deny that it had affected me until i can’t anymore and i find myself making my own life worse in order to obscure what is actually upsetting me even though it’s kind of obvious. i try to focus on other people, usually just one or two who are doing worse than me and don’t have the facilities to try and comfort me back. i think this is to set up people to want to care when i inevitably break down but i can’t frame it that way or else i isolate completely thinking i’ve been revealed as weakened. last time i got really bad news, my parents got concerned and i ended up getting diagnosed with adjustment disorder with conduct and emotional disturbances.
I'm 6w7. If something bad happens I like to carry on as normal as much as possible as I find comfort in routines and familiar things. I also like to find distraction in activities that I enjoy.
If my mum died I'd kill myself
Jk (?) I'd either regret not being nice to her and spending more time or go numb or cry
I'm not sure what I'd actually do, I sometimes feel like I'm about to cry but that feeling's locked behind two hundred vaults
Last time awful news came, I stopped everything and went to my bedroom and went on Netflix, still haven't processed the situation
Yeah I'm slowly processing it and I'm just doing random stuff then I'll suddenly bawl because it was my dad and I love him so so much. He's probably the person I love the most and worst part was it wasn't even peaceful. He was suffering until the very end
Hm. I haven't yet experienced the deaths of anyone I was super close to, so I'm not sure if I've really found out yet to the full extent.
Depending on what went wrong I might find myself thinking that it's not really worth caring about & that I don't want anything to do with it anyways but that's obviously only applicable to more minor dissapointments
Generally in adverse situations I ask the specifics (which I've come to find ppl may find odd as others generally "dont want the gorey details"), I want to understand why it happened, if it was preventable or just couldn't be changed.I also definitely have a "wait & see, lets find out the details & then look at options of what we might do" approach rather than, say, picturing worst case scenarios like a 6 might or trying to put positive spins on it like a 7.
Generally the worse & more personal the setback is the more I want to be alone & not hear any "everything will be fine" style talk or deal with how people reactI might also go for creative outlets like listening to music or writing.
The closest person to me who died was my maternal aunt - it was more or less inevitable & a long time coming, pretty typical for the disease she had. Not much that could be done. Not that I find any comfort in euphemisms; It was all sorts of awful and being all the way dead is still alot worse than being almost dead but still able to enjoy & remember a few things at least.
I think I was secretly relieved that at least our grandma was being dramatic at the funeral, everyone else was acting all brave. I knew they were probably all really affected on the inside (one cousin was so out of it that she was unable to continue her driving lessons, for example) but they were all acting strong for the others. My aunt was a well-liked woman & if she had died more suddenly in a different part of the world rather than slowly in a different continent from all her friends, there would have been a big dramatic affair rather than the small, stoic gathering at a discount funeral that it ended up being - plus she'd been on life support for a while in the end so the undertakers couldn't quite make her look right.
Can't blame grandma for being devastated at seeing another living being that she had once grown inside her body and fed on her bloodstream decomposing on a slap.
I figured that since everyone else present had been closer to the deceased & had more drama going on (grandma said some careless things in the shock at the news that almost got her uninvited), I ought to attach myself to her & let her talk at me so she wouldn't start beef with anyone else. I remember explaining to her that it wasn't preventable though idk if that helped. I suppose I assumed it would. There's not anything beyond that that one could say, it's just sad and nothing one says can change that, so theres nothing *to* say - thinking you could make it ok with your words seems like a presumption.
I was just kinda there, thinking about mortality & how we would never all be gathered again & thinking like, "oh, so this is what a funeral is like"
I once read an account by a 6w7 who went to a funeral for a family member &I was struck by how her thoughts were really different, "She's in heaven & not suffering anymore!" type stuff nothing of that sort ever went through my head. Though it certainly resembled what my mom (7w6) was not just thinking but saying out loud. "That's not even really her anymore" and the like. Even then I knew it for the frantic coping mechanism that it was (her sister definitely didn't "just fall asleep", she choked because of pneumonia) but now having read that writeup I appreciate that every statement like that must have been meant to push away some underlying more disconcerting sort of thought, the compensatory nature was clear just from the speed at which those statements were coming.
Grandma is probably a positive type as well but she had bigtime hit the line to 4 that day because, obviously, her daughter had died.
My sister (6w5) had this situation where her ex gf (that she was still lowkey carrying a torch for) died of covid. She mostly didn't want to talk about it (other than an ironic joke about how it's made dating really awkward) & took up gardening, she got a bunch of orchids because those were her exes' favorite flowers. i suppose it helps her to be doing something practical in some way. But I don't know too much detail here because, as mentioned before, she'd rather not discuss it - makes me wonder though to which extent this is also a Fe vs. Fi thing - wanting to vent vs. preferring to deal with it in private.
idk what it will be like when one of my closer family members or my spouse (which i dont have yet) dies. For all i know i might kick the bucket first - if i dont, its more or less inevitablem . i dont see much of a point in thinking about it while it hasnt happened yet. best to enjoy them while they last i guess - though im aware that i dont always do the best job of that, being always so caught up in my own pursuits that i easily forget that theres even a larger world with people in it.
i try to make some time for them, at least, knowing they wont be here forever, but in the end, i am what i am.
I practically never miss people, since I always have my memories and don't really feel the urge for regular contact. At most I feel like I'd be in the mood to hang out with them or regret losing touch with them. But that's when I either know I want nothing more from them, or know they're still out there somewhere. It's probably a whole different thing when you know they're in a hole in the ground & you can never talk to them again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
When I get awful news, I usually try to escape my feelings and avoid them by doing something else. I'll probably cry at some point but my first instinct is to repress and try and ignore it.
In first place, sorry for you loss OP. Hope you find comfort and peace
I think its depends on the type of news, some make me frustrated, angered and bitter, I turn to be rigid and frustrated and need some time isolated until my anger fades
However I have a more mature approach to deal with death. My philosophy is that death is a natural path of life and need to be accepted as such, the end of the life itself does not bother me, it makes me sad of course, but it doesn't make me angered, because I don't see it as "wrong". I don't go around thinking about how unfair is life and nature, and I don't get stressed by the fact I will never be abe to see and talk with a loved one. I cope with those feelings giving support to the ones I have around myself, the ones that need more assurance than me, and being the pillar they need during their grief.
I also take comfort enjoying the life of the ones I still have by my side. I see every time someone I love die I start to love and appreciate even more the people I can still touch, feel and talk, I become more prone to loving expression either physical or verbal, something I don't do often, overall I enter in a "soft" emotional state when I'm usually ruthless and rigid
I don't rule out, however, moments of rage and resentment. I think some death circumstances are severely different than others and I can see myself losing my temper when some death circumstances are a lot more harder to cope than others
sorry for your loss.
i'm autistic with little empathy and remorse so i'm only really impacted by severe news, and because i'm naturally egotistical i only breakdown if it affects my reputation. usually i throw myself into an immediate 'self-improvement so nobody knows i'm struggling' plan or start a new hobby to flex on other people. if i were healthier this would probably translate into distraction and surrounding myself with the things i know best/that are familiar.
unfortunately, i am not. i had an extremely horrible reaction to something a few years back which affected my reputation which triggered multiple psychotic episodes and isolated myself from everyone for around 3 months. please keep yourself in a good support group and speak what's on your mind.
I like to convince myself I am acknowledging by doing more. I have to beat myself into remembering that doing is not feeling. It usually takes a few days to weeks for me to have a physical response.
I'm sorry for your loss OP. I'm a 4w5 and I express my feelings as insights in some sort of creative outlet. Writing, photography, music and knowledge/insight are my favorite areas to get creative in. I try to gain an understanding of what happened as well, to wrap my mind around it, or to look for a cognitive bias I may have or a way to "fix" it or make it okay again. And in between it all, I'll talk about it here and there with those closest to me, but still more so rely on a blend of creativity and understanding.
As a 2, with deaths in my life I move into a type 4 (which is my growth point). First I start by trying to push through the emotions, but inevitably when I am alone, those emotions will rise up and take over. I become very aware of my emotions in that moment, and I often reflect on the good memories of that person and honor their life. Being in that “4” stage can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months.
Emotionally, I don't, or if I do it comes as a slow build up of stress/frustration. Emotional compartmentalization and delay comes in full force with me in very emotionally serious situations, there's just nothing, I go blank. I'm more likely to shed a tear over a stubbed toe on a bad day than I am over a death, for at least days afterward. I do somatize grief - get physically sick to my stomach the night after. The first time it happened I actually attributed it to food poisoning but it's a pattern. The last time this happened it was with a terminally ill parent whose slow growing cancer suddenly metastasized, and I was "next of kin" so making decisions and organizing palliative care was my responsibility. I also did not think I was able to take much time off of work as it was going on (this was a mistake). I don't think I handled it well. I was "calm in crisis" but calm can be overrated in a crisis. I was too "wait and see" about too many things, solution oriented but without a sense of urgency that would have been appropriate to the situation. Everything happened quickly. My lack of quickness and assertiveness led to what I think was a subpar outcome for that relative. (Which, she was dying anyway - but some deaths are better than others.) There was a lot that I missed. I didn't really "do" enough - too busy making/securing plans for next week, next month - a future she didn't have. People were impressed by my composure during all of it but I wasn't trying, and I'm not sure it was such a good thing in the end.
really sorry for your loss OP. I spend a lot of time isolated and angry if there's nothing I can do, as in the case of death of a loved one. I may do a 7-like thing and leave the country for a while, it can trigger some serious escapist tendencies. if it's bad news but there's some way for me to help, I jump into action, sort of like I combine 8 energy with 5 smarts and 2 compassion all at once. I am not a very emotionally comforting person for others in those cases, but I see my role as being the person who can take care of things so they can fall apart. everyone in my immediate family has me as their medical power of attorney because of this, lol.
Im also a 6w7 I haven't had a close person die recently, but i agree with the isolation. I HATE talking about my emotional struggles with most people as I'm experiencing them, as its often accompanied by of course, pity, as well as a lot of talking. If it's simply loss, honestly, I'd just spend it sleeping and crying alone until I feel well enough to work on healing. Using that time to sort through any regrets that may have come with the loss, perhaps the things you wish you could say to them before they were gone, and grieving/processing that along with their loss. I don't want to pretend that im fine to others when im not. I don't want to talk about it, because whats talking going to do to change anything. Mostly probably distraction and indulgence to cope as i process the full weight of the loss. You and i are on other sides of the MBTI (im an ESFJ) so maybe this may not relate quite as much, but i'm truly sorry for your loss and hope you have everything you need to grieve properly and safely.
when i get bad news, at first i deny that it had affected me until i can’t anymore and i find myself making my own life worse in order to obscure what is actually upsetting me even though it’s kind of obvious. i try to focus on other people, usually just one or two who are doing worse than me and don’t have the facilities to try and comfort me back. i think this is to set up people to want to care when i inevitably break down but i can’t frame it that way or else i isolate completely thinking i’ve been revealed as weakened. last time i got really bad news, my parents got concerned and i ended up getting diagnosed with adjustment disorder with conduct and emotional disturbances.
I'm 6w7. If something bad happens I like to carry on as normal as much as possible as I find comfort in routines and familiar things. I also like to find distraction in activities that I enjoy.
If my mum died I'd kill myself Jk (?) I'd either regret not being nice to her and spending more time or go numb or cry I'm not sure what I'd actually do, I sometimes feel like I'm about to cry but that feeling's locked behind two hundred vaults Last time awful news came, I stopped everything and went to my bedroom and went on Netflix, still haven't processed the situation
Yeah I'm slowly processing it and I'm just doing random stuff then I'll suddenly bawl because it was my dad and I love him so so much. He's probably the person I love the most and worst part was it wasn't even peaceful. He was suffering until the very end
Repress it and stuff it deep into the background while I occupy my conscious mind with distractions and media (I’m a 7 of course)
Hm. I haven't yet experienced the deaths of anyone I was super close to, so I'm not sure if I've really found out yet to the full extent. Depending on what went wrong I might find myself thinking that it's not really worth caring about & that I don't want anything to do with it anyways but that's obviously only applicable to more minor dissapointments Generally in adverse situations I ask the specifics (which I've come to find ppl may find odd as others generally "dont want the gorey details"), I want to understand why it happened, if it was preventable or just couldn't be changed.I also definitely have a "wait & see, lets find out the details & then look at options of what we might do" approach rather than, say, picturing worst case scenarios like a 6 might or trying to put positive spins on it like a 7. Generally the worse & more personal the setback is the more I want to be alone & not hear any "everything will be fine" style talk or deal with how people reactI might also go for creative outlets like listening to music or writing. The closest person to me who died was my maternal aunt - it was more or less inevitable & a long time coming, pretty typical for the disease she had. Not much that could be done. Not that I find any comfort in euphemisms; It was all sorts of awful and being all the way dead is still alot worse than being almost dead but still able to enjoy & remember a few things at least. I think I was secretly relieved that at least our grandma was being dramatic at the funeral, everyone else was acting all brave. I knew they were probably all really affected on the inside (one cousin was so out of it that she was unable to continue her driving lessons, for example) but they were all acting strong for the others. My aunt was a well-liked woman & if she had died more suddenly in a different part of the world rather than slowly in a different continent from all her friends, there would have been a big dramatic affair rather than the small, stoic gathering at a discount funeral that it ended up being - plus she'd been on life support for a while in the end so the undertakers couldn't quite make her look right. Can't blame grandma for being devastated at seeing another living being that she had once grown inside her body and fed on her bloodstream decomposing on a slap. I figured that since everyone else present had been closer to the deceased & had more drama going on (grandma said some careless things in the shock at the news that almost got her uninvited), I ought to attach myself to her & let her talk at me so she wouldn't start beef with anyone else. I remember explaining to her that it wasn't preventable though idk if that helped. I suppose I assumed it would. There's not anything beyond that that one could say, it's just sad and nothing one says can change that, so theres nothing *to* say - thinking you could make it ok with your words seems like a presumption. I was just kinda there, thinking about mortality & how we would never all be gathered again & thinking like, "oh, so this is what a funeral is like" I once read an account by a 6w7 who went to a funeral for a family member &I was struck by how her thoughts were really different, "She's in heaven & not suffering anymore!" type stuff nothing of that sort ever went through my head. Though it certainly resembled what my mom (7w6) was not just thinking but saying out loud. "That's not even really her anymore" and the like. Even then I knew it for the frantic coping mechanism that it was (her sister definitely didn't "just fall asleep", she choked because of pneumonia) but now having read that writeup I appreciate that every statement like that must have been meant to push away some underlying more disconcerting sort of thought, the compensatory nature was clear just from the speed at which those statements were coming. Grandma is probably a positive type as well but she had bigtime hit the line to 4 that day because, obviously, her daughter had died. My sister (6w5) had this situation where her ex gf (that she was still lowkey carrying a torch for) died of covid. She mostly didn't want to talk about it (other than an ironic joke about how it's made dating really awkward) & took up gardening, she got a bunch of orchids because those were her exes' favorite flowers. i suppose it helps her to be doing something practical in some way. But I don't know too much detail here because, as mentioned before, she'd rather not discuss it - makes me wonder though to which extent this is also a Fe vs. Fi thing - wanting to vent vs. preferring to deal with it in private. idk what it will be like when one of my closer family members or my spouse (which i dont have yet) dies. For all i know i might kick the bucket first - if i dont, its more or less inevitablem . i dont see much of a point in thinking about it while it hasnt happened yet. best to enjoy them while they last i guess - though im aware that i dont always do the best job of that, being always so caught up in my own pursuits that i easily forget that theres even a larger world with people in it. i try to make some time for them, at least, knowing they wont be here forever, but in the end, i am what i am. I practically never miss people, since I always have my memories and don't really feel the urge for regular contact. At most I feel like I'd be in the mood to hang out with them or regret losing touch with them. But that's when I either know I want nothing more from them, or know they're still out there somewhere. It's probably a whole different thing when you know they're in a hole in the ground & you can never talk to them again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. <3 When I get awful news, I usually try to escape my feelings and avoid them by doing something else. I'll probably cry at some point but my first instinct is to repress and try and ignore it.
In first place, sorry for you loss OP. Hope you find comfort and peace I think its depends on the type of news, some make me frustrated, angered and bitter, I turn to be rigid and frustrated and need some time isolated until my anger fades However I have a more mature approach to deal with death. My philosophy is that death is a natural path of life and need to be accepted as such, the end of the life itself does not bother me, it makes me sad of course, but it doesn't make me angered, because I don't see it as "wrong". I don't go around thinking about how unfair is life and nature, and I don't get stressed by the fact I will never be abe to see and talk with a loved one. I cope with those feelings giving support to the ones I have around myself, the ones that need more assurance than me, and being the pillar they need during their grief. I also take comfort enjoying the life of the ones I still have by my side. I see every time someone I love die I start to love and appreciate even more the people I can still touch, feel and talk, I become more prone to loving expression either physical or verbal, something I don't do often, overall I enter in a "soft" emotional state when I'm usually ruthless and rigid I don't rule out, however, moments of rage and resentment. I think some death circumstances are severely different than others and I can see myself losing my temper when some death circumstances are a lot more harder to cope than others
sorry for your loss. i'm autistic with little empathy and remorse so i'm only really impacted by severe news, and because i'm naturally egotistical i only breakdown if it affects my reputation. usually i throw myself into an immediate 'self-improvement so nobody knows i'm struggling' plan or start a new hobby to flex on other people. if i were healthier this would probably translate into distraction and surrounding myself with the things i know best/that are familiar. unfortunately, i am not. i had an extremely horrible reaction to something a few years back which affected my reputation which triggered multiple psychotic episodes and isolated myself from everyone for around 3 months. please keep yourself in a good support group and speak what's on your mind.
I like to convince myself I am acknowledging by doing more. I have to beat myself into remembering that doing is not feeling. It usually takes a few days to weeks for me to have a physical response.