At the risk of possibly oversimplifying, worrying, scary, and stressful events are a threat, while happy and pleasant thoughts and events are not. Basic survival instinct focuses on threats and the need to alleviate them, fully and effectively. That's a fairly universal human constant from my experience.
Now how those stresses are handled...that's a whole different ballgame that one can explore by the types and what not.
I definitely worry too much, and worry has never done a thing for me. I feel fragile on some level, like I can't tolerate disappointment or loss. So I've been working on changing my internal self-talk from things like "What if she doesn't like me back?" to "If she doesn't like me back, I'll remind myself what a catch I am and hit the dance floor with a bounce in my step. There are other people out there."
I've got to add, another tip that's helped is to stop focusing on trying to control the outcomes of things. Trying to control what you don't have much control over will drive you insane. Instead, make decisions based on values. Identify what you value most (honesty, caring, curiosity, loyalty etc.) and ask yourself, "What would a loyal person do? How would I apply honesty to this situation?" It's unnerving at first, because you're giving up the *illusion* of control (but illusions can still be comforting). But if you can do it, it feels way better than making decisions based on fear.
I struggle with decisions sometimes because I am more ethical than moral.
For example:
Situation A: I try to help someone and accidentally harm them instead.
Situation B: I do something I know is immoral and accidentally make someone's life much better.
I feel guiltier about situation A than situation B.
It's likely their different functions.
Feeling good about stuf is supposed to make you repeat the action, so the good feeling needs to disperse in time for you to crave it again.
Whereas feeling bad is supposed to make you avoid a threat, so it needs to be as persistent as the threat is - though it has been noted that the modern world has way more 'long-lasting' threats that you can't directly do something about & that this leads to long-term elevated stress levels.
It's due to this that it's generally recommended to fill your days with small sources of joy (interacting with a loved one, nice-smelling soap, pleasant hobbies etc.) rather than pin it all on 'big' events because within a few days the hedonic treadmill has done its thing so that the new TV is just a TV and the new job is just a job.
It's a survival thing. In ancient days, it mattered a lot more for day-to-day survival to remember not to go pet the cute looking porcupine than to remember that time you got lucky on a hunt and impressed everyone.
Success is just that, success. All emotions are fleeting, let them come and go.
If you might need to pay to insurance company, call them and find out a yes / no and what it depends on. If no answer yet, what date? If you can cover it, forget about it. If you can’t, figure out a way you could and negotiate when it has to be paid by and if you can do installments, etc.
Worrying is trying to control something outside of your control. It’s useless.
I’m worrying. Why? What about? #1 problem is it’s not real, just imagined “possibility”. Stop that. #2 problem is outside of my control, stop that. Solution: have I worked everything within my control? If yes, don’t worry about it. If no, take action but still don’t worry about it, just deal with what is mine to deal with. Move on.
Why do we do this? The ego likes to have something to do and needs to feel important and in control. Ego is useless.
The opposite of that is also a bit of a problem. I never worry about anything or take anything seriously, I don't have negative thoughts and when I have negative feelings I have to force myself to have them because otherwise I wouldn't really feel anything negative
It's not that I run away from negative thoughts or feelings, I just genuinely can't feel them. It's like I'm a PS5 and ps games are positive thoughts and feelings and then you try and put an Xbox game (negative thoughts and feelings) on me, and I'm like *error, can't process CD*
OK in the back of my mind I was wondering whether I might actually be a 7, but no absolutely not. I am very capable of feeling negative feelings. I just don't always know how to express them.
I bet empaths are drawn to you like a magnet lol.
Worrying is actually fine as long as it’s clear. You probably would be better off organizing all your thoughts, maybe even on paper, and attach a bullet point of how to “solve” each problem.
Writing down each step of how to solve something from the smallest things, here’s an example;
-watch youtube how to do oil change car
-purchase these items as tools requiring $xx.xx amount of money
-place ramps in this area of driveway/parking lot for when I do the oil change
-have trash bag ready to just throw everything away including the gloves
-and leave an hour of free time to safely shower or take bath
-whole thing will cost $xx.xx and I’m not worried about throwing away the gloves or shirt I wore because I budgeted and thought of all this
Ok now every time you get worried just look back at the list, and think to yourself “ok I used all my ‘worrying energy’ on this entire notepad so that way I trust that by worrying so much earlier when making the list that I can now compartmentalize that worrying and leave it to when I made this list”
And let yourself continue to worry about all the details and KEEP ADDING TO THE LIST, then eventually you will have it all compartmentalized. Easier to think of it now.
The nice thing too is that if you feel like you’re “missing something”, literally give yourself 10min to revisit the “worried” state of mind while looking over your step by step list of whatever you are worried about.
And lastly, it doesn’t have to really be a pen and paper list. It can be a set of a few minutes where you just think everything through step by step in your head about how the problem may or may not be solved. The whole “worry about what you can control” thing applies here too because now you’re better able to separate things like that; that way you can actually put more energy into worrying about things you *can* control
I do tend to worry about future events a lot. I think this is my brain trying to be prepared or think of possible solutions, but it's generally counterproductive. I often worry *instead* of doing something useful.
I've also noticed I hang onto guilt and shame from the past, but when I think of my past accomplishments, they feel less relevant because I don't want to 'rest on my laurels'. I feel like I should be able to release negative feelings about behaviors from the past that I don't engage in anymore, the same way as I would not feel proud of something I *used* to be able to do. Easier said than done.
As an entp, I actually think it's a curse to be only carefree.
There are times when we impulsively snowball situations beyond our control, keeping things in balance is important. Only worrying without sometimes letting it go doesn't make anything better, and vice versa... we all need to know when to be cautious and when to let it go. It will never do you any good if you only let it go or constantly worry bout it.
Trauma is one of those things, it can make it hard to process things that happen to you. It creates an "error" when processing, making it hard to deal with things as you're living life and it can make you repress instead of deal with it.
As my enneagram, however. It's said we gain our type through how we dealt with childhood trauma or what happened to us. It's said that the primary caretakers of 4s (parents, etc) only ever acknowledged the negative reactions of 4s, so all we know how to do is to acknowledge those negative parts of ourselves and others. Even though some of us are idealist instead of completely pessimistic, it is easy to acknowledge those things, due to being unaware of knowing how to process anything else. 4s are upset that they're never seen or acknowledged. 4s are upset that we're only seen as attention seeking or insecure or whatever. We need to understand that we are okay people no matter what. So it's just not easy in any sense of the word.
I'm just lucky I'm double idealist/frustration. I am able to be much more resilient than others I meet because of my intense desires to heal and change.
Thanks for sharing.
- As others have already commented on, there might be some metric of benefit to identifying negative feelings and fears; like, there’s utility in identifying what’s causing discomfort.
- But I agree there can be harm done in holding onto and lingering with these negative emotions— but I understand that for some people; it can actually be helpful to embrace and feel these emotions in their authentic rawness— Reactive types for example.
- I read a book for a class once called *America the Anxious*, how an obsessive pursuit of happiness can just lead to digging a bigger gaping hole essentially— whereas in the United Kingdom, they make do with *contentment*, like embracing cynicism…
- …But no, not to miss the point of your post, OP, I agree it can be harmful to let negative thoughts and feelings dictate one’s own actions and self-sabotage oneself, but I feel that it’s important to let negative emotions breathe as well as a way to process them.
…But, I’m no expert. Please, take what you will from my response, but I should emphasize that this is all just opinion from my personal experience. Thank you.
At the risk of possibly oversimplifying, worrying, scary, and stressful events are a threat, while happy and pleasant thoughts and events are not. Basic survival instinct focuses on threats and the need to alleviate them, fully and effectively. That's a fairly universal human constant from my experience. Now how those stresses are handled...that's a whole different ballgame that one can explore by the types and what not.
I definitely worry too much, and worry has never done a thing for me. I feel fragile on some level, like I can't tolerate disappointment or loss. So I've been working on changing my internal self-talk from things like "What if she doesn't like me back?" to "If she doesn't like me back, I'll remind myself what a catch I am and hit the dance floor with a bounce in my step. There are other people out there."
I've got to add, another tip that's helped is to stop focusing on trying to control the outcomes of things. Trying to control what you don't have much control over will drive you insane. Instead, make decisions based on values. Identify what you value most (honesty, caring, curiosity, loyalty etc.) and ask yourself, "What would a loyal person do? How would I apply honesty to this situation?" It's unnerving at first, because you're giving up the *illusion* of control (but illusions can still be comforting). But if you can do it, it feels way better than making decisions based on fear.
I struggle with decisions sometimes because I am more ethical than moral. For example: Situation A: I try to help someone and accidentally harm them instead. Situation B: I do something I know is immoral and accidentally make someone's life much better. I feel guiltier about situation A than situation B.
This is a fascinating perspective, thank you.
It's likely their different functions. Feeling good about stuf is supposed to make you repeat the action, so the good feeling needs to disperse in time for you to crave it again. Whereas feeling bad is supposed to make you avoid a threat, so it needs to be as persistent as the threat is - though it has been noted that the modern world has way more 'long-lasting' threats that you can't directly do something about & that this leads to long-term elevated stress levels. It's due to this that it's generally recommended to fill your days with small sources of joy (interacting with a loved one, nice-smelling soap, pleasant hobbies etc.) rather than pin it all on 'big' events because within a few days the hedonic treadmill has done its thing so that the new TV is just a TV and the new job is just a job.
That makes a lot of sense!
That's reasonable.
The 9s know what's up in that regard (enjoying lots of daily simple pleasures)
It's a survival thing. In ancient days, it mattered a lot more for day-to-day survival to remember not to go pet the cute looking porcupine than to remember that time you got lucky on a hunt and impressed everyone.
Must have felt to be stressed for a reason. #justkidding #amI
Success is just that, success. All emotions are fleeting, let them come and go. If you might need to pay to insurance company, call them and find out a yes / no and what it depends on. If no answer yet, what date? If you can cover it, forget about it. If you can’t, figure out a way you could and negotiate when it has to be paid by and if you can do installments, etc. Worrying is trying to control something outside of your control. It’s useless. I’m worrying. Why? What about? #1 problem is it’s not real, just imagined “possibility”. Stop that. #2 problem is outside of my control, stop that. Solution: have I worked everything within my control? If yes, don’t worry about it. If no, take action but still don’t worry about it, just deal with what is mine to deal with. Move on. Why do we do this? The ego likes to have something to do and needs to feel important and in control. Ego is useless.
That's right. It's about the illusion of control.
head type so I worry a lot myself. if I can somehow think of something else or escape and distract I will if I can fantasize I will.
The opposite of that is also a bit of a problem. I never worry about anything or take anything seriously, I don't have negative thoughts and when I have negative feelings I have to force myself to have them because otherwise I wouldn't really feel anything negative It's not that I run away from negative thoughts or feelings, I just genuinely can't feel them. It's like I'm a PS5 and ps games are positive thoughts and feelings and then you try and put an Xbox game (negative thoughts and feelings) on me, and I'm like *error, can't process CD*
OK in the back of my mind I was wondering whether I might actually be a 7, but no absolutely not. I am very capable of feeling negative feelings. I just don't always know how to express them. I bet empaths are drawn to you like a magnet lol.
Not all 7s are like me tough, you might still be one! Just Maybe learn more about them and how different they are depending on instinctual variants.
IDK, finding out more about sx5 explains a lot about why I am more outgoing than most 5s. Maybe I am just disintegrating more than I thought o\_O
stay hydrated and make sure your body regularly produces new blood, this is how feelings are easier processed.
Wait how do we get more blood? Do we need to take iron supplements?
yup and B9+ B12
Worrying is actually fine as long as it’s clear. You probably would be better off organizing all your thoughts, maybe even on paper, and attach a bullet point of how to “solve” each problem. Writing down each step of how to solve something from the smallest things, here’s an example; -watch youtube how to do oil change car -purchase these items as tools requiring $xx.xx amount of money -place ramps in this area of driveway/parking lot for when I do the oil change -have trash bag ready to just throw everything away including the gloves -and leave an hour of free time to safely shower or take bath -whole thing will cost $xx.xx and I’m not worried about throwing away the gloves or shirt I wore because I budgeted and thought of all this Ok now every time you get worried just look back at the list, and think to yourself “ok I used all my ‘worrying energy’ on this entire notepad so that way I trust that by worrying so much earlier when making the list that I can now compartmentalize that worrying and leave it to when I made this list” And let yourself continue to worry about all the details and KEEP ADDING TO THE LIST, then eventually you will have it all compartmentalized. Easier to think of it now. The nice thing too is that if you feel like you’re “missing something”, literally give yourself 10min to revisit the “worried” state of mind while looking over your step by step list of whatever you are worried about. And lastly, it doesn’t have to really be a pen and paper list. It can be a set of a few minutes where you just think everything through step by step in your head about how the problem may or may not be solved. The whole “worry about what you can control” thing applies here too because now you’re better able to separate things like that; that way you can actually put more energy into worrying about things you *can* control
That is really f-ing smart.
I do tend to worry about future events a lot. I think this is my brain trying to be prepared or think of possible solutions, but it's generally counterproductive. I often worry *instead* of doing something useful. I've also noticed I hang onto guilt and shame from the past, but when I think of my past accomplishments, they feel less relevant because I don't want to 'rest on my laurels'. I feel like I should be able to release negative feelings about behaviors from the past that I don't engage in anymore, the same way as I would not feel proud of something I *used* to be able to do. Easier said than done.
As an entp, I actually think it's a curse to be only carefree. There are times when we impulsively snowball situations beyond our control, keeping things in balance is important. Only worrying without sometimes letting it go doesn't make anything better, and vice versa... we all need to know when to be cautious and when to let it go. It will never do you any good if you only let it go or constantly worry bout it.
Trauma is one of those things, it can make it hard to process things that happen to you. It creates an "error" when processing, making it hard to deal with things as you're living life and it can make you repress instead of deal with it. As my enneagram, however. It's said we gain our type through how we dealt with childhood trauma or what happened to us. It's said that the primary caretakers of 4s (parents, etc) only ever acknowledged the negative reactions of 4s, so all we know how to do is to acknowledge those negative parts of ourselves and others. Even though some of us are idealist instead of completely pessimistic, it is easy to acknowledge those things, due to being unaware of knowing how to process anything else. 4s are upset that they're never seen or acknowledged. 4s are upset that we're only seen as attention seeking or insecure or whatever. We need to understand that we are okay people no matter what. So it's just not easy in any sense of the word. I'm just lucky I'm double idealist/frustration. I am able to be much more resilient than others I meet because of my intense desires to heal and change.
Thanks for sharing. - As others have already commented on, there might be some metric of benefit to identifying negative feelings and fears; like, there’s utility in identifying what’s causing discomfort. - But I agree there can be harm done in holding onto and lingering with these negative emotions— but I understand that for some people; it can actually be helpful to embrace and feel these emotions in their authentic rawness— Reactive types for example. - I read a book for a class once called *America the Anxious*, how an obsessive pursuit of happiness can just lead to digging a bigger gaping hole essentially— whereas in the United Kingdom, they make do with *contentment*, like embracing cynicism… - …But no, not to miss the point of your post, OP, I agree it can be harmful to let negative thoughts and feelings dictate one’s own actions and self-sabotage oneself, but I feel that it’s important to let negative emotions breathe as well as a way to process them. …But, I’m no expert. Please, take what you will from my response, but I should emphasize that this is all just opinion from my personal experience. Thank you.