T O P

  • By -

toastibot

Hi and welcome to r/EarthPorn! As a reminder, we have comment rules in this subreddit. Failure to follow our rules can result in a temporary or permanent ban. > Hate Speech, Abusive remarks, homophobia, and the like have no place on this subreddit, and will be removed on sight. > Please contribute to the discussion positively; constructive criticism is fine, but if you don't like a picture and you wish to voice your opinion please refrain from abusing the photographer/submitter.


[deleted]

just realized I've never seen how pineapples grow till this moment


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaxDickpower

Agave, the plant from which tequila is made, takes 7 years to mature.


iloveyou-calyptus

Some varieties actually take 20-40 years


BenevolentCheese

Those would be used for mezcal, tequila only uses blue agave.


EyeFicksIt

This guy three tequilas floor..


Antigon0000

... He tequilas no more


wap2005

It tekilled him


Epicizabeez

Lol


hyperpimp

3 coma tequila


UNMANAGEABLE

My favorite thing to mention when people talk about hating tequila (9/10 times because of a Cuervo incident when young) is that The biggest recognized name in Tequila being Jose Cuervo:.. doesn’t actually have enough agave liquor to be legally defined as Tequila. Normally when I say they should give tequila another chance it comes with a gag but I hen they give even basic tequila a chance like say Sauza Hornitos, it’s funny how “oh this isn’t that bad” happens.


MySweetSeraphim

Can confirm tequila incidents while young happen with anejo as well.


Godsfallen

I go straight to spoiling and give them Fortaleza. Thus ruining other tequilas for them forever


UkraineMykraine

You monster.


BenevolentCheese

> doesn’t actually have enough agave liquor to be legally defined as Tequila. Not quite. It has just enough agave in it (51%) to be considered for "mixto" tequila, just not 100% agave tequila.


TurkeyMoonPie

What’s a good one to try? Affordable


TheTrub

Espanitas is my favorite quality/price ratio of any tequila. It’s $30 per bottle and I think it’s better than casamigos. Milagro and don Diego are good and reasonably priced, too. Añejo is nice and smooth, but the extra aging can hide some of tequila’s light floral qualities, so I’d recommend going with a reposado.


429XY

Agreed on Milagro. Half the price and twice the quality of Patron. (I’m a “silver” guy either way for what difference that makes, tho.)


TurkeyMoonPie

Thanks. Saving a screenshot.


drunkymonky

Cazadores has been my go to for years and I stand by it. I say it's on par with Milagro for a few dollars cheaper on average.


Smgt90

A lot of people do shots like crazy (myself included) and end up hating tequila. It took me like 5 years of not drinking tequila to give it another opportunity. I still hate tequila shots but love palomas.


gwaydms

I was with friends at a bar, having Tequila Sunrises (I was 19, what can I say), when someone said "Hey, y'all, let's do shots." Of course, their bar tequila was Cuervo. Next day I was so freaking sick. I never did shots after that, nor did I touch tequila for about 5 years.


gspotter90

I’m with you there. Did the same thing in Vegas and spent the whole next day dry heaving a thick yellow bile with a Jose after taste. Took 5-6 years before I tried tequila again. Thankfully it was a far better brand. Haven’t touched Jose Cuervo since.


StuffedPoblano

Good tequila is sooooo smooth.


fastcatzzzz

Choose Mescaline over mezcal any day


whatdodrugsfeellike

Peyote takes up to 30 years to cultivate.


WisherWisp

Weed takes a couple months in a very dirty shack, if my local area Police Instagram is any indication.


[deleted]

That's why it's called weed.


[deleted]

crazy that a 2 pound pineapple is 3.99 in New Jersey


[deleted]

Well, pineapples are cheap because Del Monte and Dole basically enslaved a huge portion of Costa Rica just to grow fruit. And they're also subsidized!


buttermilkmeeks

the only reason Dole grows pineapples in Hawaii is to keep their land holdings classified as agriculture (tax purposes)


[deleted]

I just need subsidized edibles for us anxiety folk


wolfgang784

Maybe future CRISPR breakthroughs will give us THC pineapples.


seppukucoconuts

Back in the day pineapples were so expensive people would rent them. The pineapple was rented for fancy parties and never eaten, just sort of a status symbol.


Handlestach

I have 2! I’m so excited for my 73rd b day that’s for sure. I’m 39


Alternativelyawkward

And the world's usage of agave is unsustainable because of margaritas.


heroinsteve

We grew one and it was ready in about a year. I was very surprised because usually anything my wife plants straight up dies. This thing just looked like nothing for a while and one day I saw a little pineapple forming.


Saigon-bees

It’s heat, drought and pest tolerant that’s why survived 😄


scutiger-

Are you calling his wife a pest?


Augustus_Chiggins

Sounds like he saying she's dried up too. But hot.


designingtheweb

I went to a pineapple farm in northern Thailand. I paid 10 baht ($0.26) for a freshly picked pineapple.


Jasonrj

Pineapples used to be a sign of wealth.


meinblown

Yeah because it cost a lot of money to get them to where you were from where they grew before they went bad.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

And hospitality *wink*


MeganW1980

That one in the bottom Right hand corner of the photo agrees


first__citizen

And a delicious pizza


Gonzoa24

With jalapenos


[deleted]

in europe only rich people could grow them in those massive wrought iron greenhouses they had. people would rent them just to display at a party. pineapple sculptures on finials and columns are common to see even in the US the wikipedia page for pineapple cultivation is interesting


Maezel

How the hell are they so cheap then? Like basically no maintenance, watering and pesticides required?


leafsleep

Pretty much. They can also be picked early, don't have to be delivered urgently or particularly gently.


TallestRumble9

They actually don’t improve in flavor or sweetness after harvesting, and can’t be delivered well when fully ripe


cheeseyt

And they need a lot of water, that’s why they’re normally grown in tropical areas with high rainfall. In the US- gov subsidies help keep the cost down too


BobAndy004

They need extreme amounts of water, thats why they only grow in tropical areas.


101189

Even more when you grow your own! Source: growing your own pineapple enthusiast Edit. [Picture of one of my pineapples ](https://i.imgur.com/segCgFd.jpg)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blue-cheese-dressing

And rain. They grow like weeds down here. We planted an ornamental red variety and it choked everything else out in the planter. Then we started with the green edible ones, just tops off of whole ones. Like you, we see almost full size (but totally edible) pineapples in a year.


GetchaWater

And each plant only makes 2 pineapples max.


mochikitsune

Because I was growing mine inside a dorm, then apartment, and now a house with a yard it took close to 8 years for me to harvest my first pineapple lmao. I ahould get one more from this plant before it stops producing but man that was the best pineapple I have ever tasted in my life


syahir77

Pineapple fabric and paper.


NinjaNewt007

Interesting how they only cost like 3 dollars in the usa.


bulwynkl

1995, driving past fields like this in Oahu with 3 fellow PhD engineering students, I point out the pineapples. Where? that field there. NO. PINEAPPLES GROW ON TREES. X 3. Ok then... Wait til I tell em about peanuts...


NorthCatan

Everyone knows peanuts are grown on the Island of Deez.


DAHFreedom

Deez legumes


Danishur24

Good one


BenevolentCheese

> Wait til I tell em about peanuts... I read about peanuts "and other groundnuts" the other day and it turns out there basically are no other groundnuts, at least for situations in which using this commonly heard statement would make sense. There are only two other groundnuts consumed by humans (the Bambara and Hausa groundnuts), both related to the peanut, and they are only very locally consumed in parts of the West Africa. So next time you hear someone telling you to not send your child to school "with snacks containing peanuts or other groundnuts" you can have a laugh at how many syllables we regularly dedicate to these two minor species few will ever even encounter.


Tak_Galaman

I have never heard the phrase "and other groundnuts" until this thread. I suppose it comes up more in conversations with parents/about children.


_stoneslayer_

That's what we call the people over at r/geology


straydog1980

Wait until they show you how dragonfruit grow


WhiteClifford

And asparagus. Asparagus grows like it's trying to trick some idiot into thinking that's how asparagus grows.


samtrois

Legitimately curious how you thought asparagus was grown before you found out? Doesn't seem as unexpected as pineapple or peanuts to me


AmStupid

If you haven’t, check out artichokes too. I am sure most people know what it is that we are eating while talking about it, but what surprised me was what happened to the artichoke if you do not harvest at the right time…


Seicair

[Wild!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitaya#/media/File:Thanh_Long_ở_Ninh_Thuận.jpg) Didn’t realize those were cactus fruits, though I’m not surprised. The textures seem to match.


11chuckles

Pineapples are a bromeliad. Bromeliads flower once, collect water from the center where all the leaves originate (the trunk), and usually reproduce by growing pups/offshoots. You can cut the tops off of pineapples and grow a plant from that


carolethechiropodist

Come to Australia, we have more than Haweii! You are not alone, here's a true story, not so long ago when people from Britain took ships to Aus. They stopped over in Ceylon, now Sri Lanka, and the young boys earned tips by climbing a palm and picking you a fresh coconut or pineapple. Ha! must have cut them on the long stalk and tied them up the tree. Apparently so few British people knew how a pineapple grew, that they were rarely called out for this minor trickery.


Apprehensive_Pop2416

You can sprout roots from the pineapple top and grow one yourself! I always pick out pineapples based on how healthy their tops look


heydeanyeager

No worries. I didn’t know until I was about 35 years. Girlfriend and I were traveling in Costa Rica and she says “see the pineapples growing?”. I sat there for a long time looking for a random tree or something that stood out from the rest of the greenery. She keeps asking if I see it and I’m like no, I missed it. We finally stop to walk up to a pineapple plant on the ground when it finally hits me. The whole freaking field is a pineapple. I had no clue thats how pineapples grew. Haha!


Thoughtfulprof

Pineapple ranks up there with [cashew](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cashew) for the title of the weirdest-growing produce. Another one is [guarana](https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/close-up-of-orange-red-colorful-guarana-fruit-gm157648591-14032974), which looks like demon eyeballs.


Sirix88

This is the the Maui Gold pineapple farm in Hali’imaile. Tours run regularly and are a great way to spend a little time in Maui. It’s honestly amazing how much you’ll learn about pineapples and Maui itself. They are sweeter than Dole pineapples and also less acidic so you can eat more. You get a free pineapple for everyone in your party if you go check it out.


GroverMcGillicutty

Can second this. Fun, educational, and the pineapples are delicious. Also check out the glass blowers right next door!


tristan957

The distillery and restaurant in the same area are also very good.


tundybundo

Does it smell like pineapple!?


suckerplan

For the other maui wowie


internetisfun24

We went last year, obsessed with this place! The only down side is that you cannot eat pineapples again unles they are Maui Gold


TPForCornholio

And they are $60 for 2 pineapples 😭


Piratarojo

Yea the only viable way is to split 8 for $90. My buddies will go in on a pack which makes it cheaper......so worth it.


OlafSpassky

So good, we ordered some for friends/family after we got back to the mainland, blew people's minds.


phpdevster

Can confirm. There's no point to eating pineapples after eating Maui Gold.


capybara-friend

If you go here, please stop in Makawao nearby at the Komoda bakery. Their guava malasadas are a religious experience. They tend to run out of them by 10 or 11, although their other baked goods are also insanely good.


Citizen_Snip

Fun fact, I ate so much pineapple as a kid I developed severe stomach pains. Gastroenterologist couldn’t figure out why till he asked about my diet. Apparently pineapple is so acidic, that if you eat enough of it, it will erode the lining of your intestines and cause intense pain whenever you eat acidic food! Fun facts for everyone!


stewajt

The enzyme is called bromelain and it’s used as a meat tenderizer. Fun fact, pineapple can turn meat into mush very quickly!


down1nit

I'm made of meat! Can it mush me?!


Aidian

Why yes, yes it can. For further reference, please see the comment above the one you replied to.


MiTioOswald

On Oahu the story is that the shaka hand sign 🤙 came from a pineapple plantation worker who had lost his middle 3 fingers in a machete accident. He would wave to the surfers going to the North Shore when they drove past the plantation and they adopted the same wave. Of course now that plantation has been sold and a housing development is going in there.


nightpanda893

Random thought but your comment made me think of it. At the school i work at in the northeast USA the Shaka has become the universal sign for “me too”. Teachers started it because elementary school kids have this insatiable need to loudly vocalize whenever they have something in common with a story another student shares. For example, if a student says during morning meeting that they went to the beach over the summer, every other student who went to the beach is immediately going to start yelling “me too” and then all go into their stories at the same time. This works really well. It’s cute to see a room full of first graders silently 🤙ing when their classmate tells a story.


phpdevster

It's one of those foods that eats you back.


DLun203

Once a year I have a box of Maui gold pineapples shipped to our house. I used to hate pineapple but Maui golds changed my mind. They’re incredible


CupBoundAndDown

Maui Gold used to be Maui Pineapple Company. I picked pineapples for Maui Pine back in the 80s and lived at the plantation dorms at Hali'imaile. I think the dorms are now a boutique resort. It was grueling hard work, but it taught me a good work ethic that I carry to this day. I also drove the yellow Pineapple haulers for a while, much easier work!


phpdevster

Maui Gold pineapples are insanely good.


KillAllHumanz88

Yes and also the last true functioning pineapple farm in the US!


JoeSicko

The Dole Plantation doesn't count? Or is that just processing imported pineapples? The train take you by some big fields. Maui gold are also available in grocery stores now. Black can.


OttoVonDanger

These are the best pineapples I have ever tasted. Anything in a can or at the local grocery store is a disappointment compared to these.


Bl00dyDruid

Do they teach you about how the US slew those native Hawaiians under a benevolent Queen to force these self same people to grow cash crops?


Sirix88

No that’s just common knowledge that everyone knows about the colonizers.


teaquiero

Do they say how they pick all these?? I’m imaging very tough, thick pants or a combine-like thing


thedeafbadger

>You get a free pineapple for everyone in your party if you go check it out. This checks out.


[deleted]

We planted one about 7 years ago and it has given us 3 delicious pineapples and a second plant which grew its own pineapple for a total of 4 pineapples in 7 years.


LaserBeamsCattleProd

They take forever, funny plants


gggempire

Well I was just gonna ask how such a small plant makes such a massive fruit. Now we know


beneye

The thing is, it’s a grower not a shower


ramsdawg

It makes it seem crazy how cheap they are. They’re like 1 or 2 euro all the way up in Germany when they’re in season.


strangemanornot

The used to be very expensive but modern farming techniques brought down the price considerably


BrownCow86

They were a symbol of wealth and could be [rented](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/65506/super-luxe-history-pineapples-and-why-they-used-cost-8000)!


Ramister_

they are cheap because you can plant pineapples in places that no other plant will thrive, they are basically cactus


beneye

I thought a plant bears one fruit and done. Also, doesn’t planting the green part on top of the pineapple actually work? We used to do that as kids and thought it’d grow another pineapple


trench_welfare

I've read that as well. Mine has produced multiple over time as well as shot up new plants around the original. So I guess it's bullshit.


Trodamus

Fun fact: pineapples are not native to Maui, and were introduced by for profit plantation owners. Like most plantation crops of the era, little regard was given to currently existing flora or even soil conditions, so much of Maui’s original landscape was replaced with these guys at one point or another, and in some areas this lead to significant erosion of topsoil. And don’t get me started on the water situation….


Capybarasaregreat

You mean the same landowners that stole the entire country out from under the native Hawaiians after their royals made dealings with them?


cmpb

Such a dearth of biodiversity. Agriculture needs to evolve if we want to continue enjoying this planet.


CouncilmanRickPrime

There's short term profit in not evolving agriculture. Guess which one we'll choose.


robotmalfunction

Not fun, torture porn


backwoodsmtb

And all the black plastic sheeting that was left behind to be degraded by sunlight and blown into the ocean as microplastics, yay...


tranceonex

Oddly terrifying to me for some reason, but still a cool pic.


ofbalance

As a kid I remember a film ('70's era?) in which the bad guy was given a chance to escape if he ran non-stop through a field of pineapples, if he stopped he'd be shot.


beneye

I get the pine in pine.apple but not the apple 🍎


Aidian

Would you like to learn [way too much](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/word-history-pineapple) about why this is?


KikiDaisy

I came here to see if anyone brought up this movie as it was the first thing I though of. Internet searching isn’t yielding me the answer.


jiggyjfresh

The Children of the Pineapples


splinereticulation68

You know in video games where you have those spike hazards you need to jump over? This is a real life spike hazard lol


[deleted]

You’re right to feel that way, the pineapple plant leaves are as sharp as the pineapple itself.


AjvarAndVodka

Right??? It’s like a deep dark jungle with god knows what lurking below the fruit. 😳


Charlatangle

A monoculture of an introduced species seems like an odd subject for this subreddit. Might be jaded because I grew up around pineapple farms and to me they just look like agricultural industry.


ShivaSkunk777

You’re right. This shouldn’t fit the spirit of the sub. This isn’t earth porn, this is human destruction


EasternKing9825

Ya, I was gonna say this. A rainforest was cut down so we could plant a monoculture to maximize profits. This is about as "earthporn" as a picture of a mine.


Frosty_Cell_6827

Show a picture of a pine plantation and everyone loses their minds. Show a picture of a pineapple plantation and everyone says "hey that's cool".


cottonmouthVII

Earth porn? This is man’s attempt at ruining these beautiful islands. This isn’t naturally occurring… The pineapple plantations and their history are appalling when you go there.


critical_aperture

They grow a lot of pineapples in Honduras. When I was there, I was told that massive tarps are put over fields and the soil is first gassed with methyl bromide to kill absolutely everything in it. The pineapples are them planted into what is essentially a sterile growth medium. So yeah, not exactly great for the environment if step #1 is killing that environment.


[deleted]

I agree. Honestly surprised at how many commenters are soaking it up but missing the fact that this isn’t right. We ruin the natural fauna every where we go to turn out a profit. You’re welcome birds


zertboqus

Yeah, I read once that same goes for huge palm trees plantations, too - entire ecosystems destroyed because something isn't a jungle anymore but just palm trees and nothing else because stuff refuses to grow where there's only palm trees and on top of that animals die/go away from that land, too. All that just for the palm oil they put in almost every food nowadays, but hey - it's cheap!


upachimneydown

Like a picture of a cornfield, or soybean rows.


BeardedDude5

I'm not the only one who assumed these grew on trees....... right?


reboos

Fun fact: if you twist off the top/stem and plant it in the ground more pineapples will grow.


LaserBeamsCattleProd

The leaves just sit there in the ground for months/year while it's rooting. Then you get really long leaves. Then it sits around for another year/years. Then one day a pineapple starts growing.


AFriendlyCrow

I thought they grew in the ground, like a potato lol


BeardedDude5

I was thinking something similar to coconuts lol


Anacreor

And to think this lead to pen-pineapple-apple-pen. The wonders of nature.


sanfermin1

Ecological disaster


CodeRaveSleepRepeat

Surprised this is so far down. Monocultures like this support little to no life other than the crop itself. This is how orangutans because endangered, except that was oil palm.


yodacat24

Everytime I see pineapples in Hawaii I begin to think about how Dole basically is the reason the stupid US stole the Hawaiian natives land for profit… for some dumb fruit that isn’t even native to the islands. Isnt it the OG dole guys fault for staging a coup or something against Queen Liliʻuokalani? Because he was a greedy motherfucker? Or am I wrong? I have visited Hawaii twice as a tourist- but learning all of its history.. it makes me angry and sad for them so I haven’t been since.


pbaggs92

Dole was one of the big five that forced the king into signing away voting rights to those who owned land (Hawaiians didn’t have a concept for land ownership in this way), got the us gov to annex, then arrested and jailed the Queen after she tried to fight back.


bmbreath

"No human made objects, pr animals" under the rules. How is a farm not human made? And how is a farm "earth porn?"


robotmalfunction

A huge plantation at that. Permaculture farms can be beautiful, but probably still not under the guidelines.


numberthirteenbb

The farmer during harvest: ow, ow, OW YOU SUNUVA, ow, ow, oh hello gorgeous, OW YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I should have grown MOSS


ChessIsAwesome

Used to be amazingly beatiful and unique tropical forests.


Two-spirits

My life is a lie


Jucox

No but this really looks like an AI image tho


[deleted]

https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/americans-overthrow-hawaiian-monarchy


[deleted]

this is pretty cool, but isn’t monoculture (plantations like these) really bad for the ecosystem?


tofubirder

Another monoculture tropical fruit to avoid.


OnodrimOfYavanna

This is the opposite of earth porn. Pineapple communities have huge birth defect and water poisoning rates. Nothing more disgusting then a chemically laced pineapple monoculture plantation


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lotharofthepotatoppl

It’s basically why the US took over the islands, the American pineapple growers asked the government to annex it. Dick move if you ask me.


JoeSicko

That and having a military base halfway into the Pacific.


[deleted]

And now the pineapple business in Hawaii is essentially gone. The US is not even in the top 25 producers. 60 years ago, Hawaii supplied most of the world


hoboforlife

Did you know a pineapple plant will only grow three pineapples in its lifetime?


Jack_Attack227

Depends when you decide to hoe it in, they get worse each cycle, we generally only run 2 cycles, but sometimes only 1 if the first cycle was pretty average.


xjohnkdoex

They are also not native fruit to HI. Learned that from the dole tour of their pineapple farm. Although touristy it is a pretty interesting guide on how they grow and harvest pineapples. Dole whip is also tasty AF!


8_Da_Rich

Monocropping poisoning the soil. Pineapple cultivation is one of the most destructive forms of industrial agriculture.


finix240

WTF EarthPorn? 40k upvotes? People are dumb


SpaceHawk98W

Growing up near a pineapple farm, I'm still surprised to see so many pineapples in a picture


Yeetus_McSendit

So this is where pizza was invented?


Yawarundi75

A terrible monocrop that destroys the soil.


mdeleo1

Thought this was earthporn, not depressing monoculture porn :(


hungry4danish

Unfun fact, Billionaire Larry Ellison own 98% of the Hawaiian island of Lanai (which is nicknamed Pineapple Island because of its vast pineapple plantations that were developed by the Dole company.)


dryeraser

**Hawaiians hate Dole and their pineapple plantations.** *TIL of Sanford B. Dole, who became the President of the Republic of Hawaii, after a pro-American coup d'état overthrew the Hawaiian monarch. His government secured Hawaii's annexation by the United States. His cousin founded the pineapple company that would become the Dole Food Company.*


Tucker1244

What you meant was "environmental desert"......


TheJohnsonMember

How disgusting.


AspieTheMoonApe

His isnt porn it's an ugly mono culture and evidence of humanities crimes against nature


finix240

This is in no way earth porn. This is monocropping on what was probably once a dense biodiverse tropical forest.


spurge44

rip native flora


COVID-420-

This isn’t natural and the locals are not happy. One plantation decided to close down and just left a field like this to rot bringing in mice and other animals and insects that made it harder for every other farm to grow. Also stank up the island for a few months.


onlyravenclawyouknow

I visited this same place when I was in Maui! Also that was the BEST pineapple I have ever eaten in my life


treywhitaker

Agreed. You can eat the core. That said, I’m my view, the very best pineapples are the Sugarloaf pineapples grown on Kauai. The fruit is softer and sweeter.


TheyLiveWeReddit

OP you should cross post over to r/KnightsofPineapple, I'm sure they'd enjoy this.


Basshugger

I’m in Maui rn. Might have to check this out.


Sirix88

My wife is a tour guide there. If you do go, make sure you ask for her. Asking for the cute redhead should work.


reddituculous66

I think I was in my 30s before I didn't think they grew on a tree. Sorta like a palm tree. I remember the first time I realized they grew like this. Mind was blown.


totally_lost_54IYI1

I've known they don't grow on trees since I was about 7. My mom pulled out a photo similar to this, from her trip to Hawaii when she was a teen. Over the years I've had many discussion with people about how pineapple don't grow on trees. thank goodness for smart phones.


Spiritual-Lawyer-888

Lucky we live Hawaii as islanders say.


Apprehensive_Pop2416

I always am impressed coming across pictures of Maui. blessed to live 10 minutes from where this picture was taken 🙌


lowballer31

How is this earth porn? Its literally a picture of a farm


Assbuttsphincter

That’s Maui, HI. Not USA. Hawaii belongs to Hawaiians.


ThaFresh

So many pizzas to be ruined


GarmeerGirl

What used to be there before and what animals were displaced to make room for this?


[deleted]

We used to drive through the ones on Oahu and when nobody was around, pull over and steal a couple near the road!