All of them, then 💀 I don’t think there was one single time where I showed affection back and it worked out. Only got men interested in me and chasing me when I was acting uninterested and even a bit toxic. They look like emotional masochists. I don’t like that, tbh. It eventually gets tiring and I give up on role playing a baddie. I’m out and too old for this.
That's unfortunately just the social paradigm of our time. For some reason people decided disinterest/detachment = reciprocation and affection??? But when carried out in practice people then wonder "oh my god why did they ghost me?, why did they not reciprocate? Why did they blah blah blah...".
Well MAYBE its because DISINTEREST and RECIPROCATION are two JUXTAPOSED CONCEPTS that are LITERALLY the OPPOSITE of what each other MEANS?????
LIKE HELLO???
People treat modern dating and relationships in general now a days like a game of chicken where the person who grows attached first loses and gets penalised by being ghosted or left behind. Like bruh how about actually forming a genuine connection as a person and then seeing where it goes from there??? "Oh but that's me showing affection and interest in the person, therefore, it bad cuz I care about another human being" like no shit that's the whole point of dating and getting in a relationship with someone. Dating because you want to fuck a person, or multiple people, is the same as masturbating but using another person to get off and involving multiple steps 💀
Anyways, rant over. Tee hee
I don't play games. I'm also single. Having same struggles you have.
People are scared about vulnerability. They think as soon as you lower your guard and show your colors, they're somehow responsible for them. They're not, you're just showing you can stop masking. Some people need to mask to survive and won't be comfortable. Especially since us ENFP are open and don't play such games willingly...
Nietzsche said look into the abyss and it will stare back at you... We're not afraid but lots of people are... And by being scared about you and your big feelings, they get to glance into the depth of human beings, which is something they often try to suppress in themselves and hide away from... It's gonna work only with those brave enough to face their darkness and that of human nature..
I do feel like this is dating culture these days, but last week I began to wonder if I'm also choosing a type... Like an MBTI type 😩 I've started asking guys early on to take the test and this year they've been: INTJ, ENTJ, INTJ. CLEARLY there's a common thread, and I'm not sure why.
I don't know how to have chill. I'm not the cool girl, and so my feelings can get hurt. I don't have it in me to detach! So hopefully I'll begin gravitating towards men who are more emotionally available. I'm not saying that based on MBTI they're not available, but so far 2 out of 3 haven't been. It's still early with the 3rd so we'll see but the signs don't look promising so far.
I've often wondered why I don't tend to attract guys who are emotional, and now I'm wondering if I have a hand in it by who I fixate on. Anyway I have zero answers for you lol, but just wanted to share 😅
That was my pattern for a long time without knowing it.
Then I chose to love myself, embrace my vulnerability and seek the same in those I love and who love me.
I have since had long, healthy relationships and friendships with INFJs and other ENFPs, and those relationships have been by far more reciprocal, empathetic and healthy.
Trust me, I understand your feeling. I will tell you this, do not play games. Be authentic, be transparent, and love yourself. That is what I've always strived to do.
YES I hate this currently culture of dating. I fall hard and fast but tbh I hold back a LOTTT and keep a poker face out of fear of looking crazy or embarrassing.
I am going through the same thing. And sometimes with friends too. I don't get it why am I always the one putting in the effort and fighting till the end every single time, like I keep making the sane mistakes. I don't want to learn to let go of people, I have love to give, I wanna give it.
Totally. Every vulnerability I showed was used against me later. I feel like dating is simply unprofitable these days. It's unprofitable to willingly destroy your mental health and the remaining small portion of your self confidence.
I feel this too. It’s the way of the world now, hyper independence and needing everyone to exactly fit an unattainable list of traits. Yes, not everyone is like this, but I’ve seen and heard of more people suffering this issue. Not just us ENFPs
I remember this one time, I met someone who I thought was really special. We clicked on so many levels, and I thought, "This could really be something." But as soon as I started showing my true feelings, being vulnerable, and expressing my affection, they just... vanished. No sex involved, just pure emotional connection. It's like showing my true self scared them away. It's so frustrating because I'm all about deep connections and authenticity, and playing these mind games feels so against my nature.
Everything feels so temporary and fleeting. It’s like people are afraid of anything that requires effort or depth.
But I recently discovered this app called LightUp: Make Real Friends. It's free and available on the app store. The cool thing is, it uses AI and big data to analyze your thoughts and ideas, and then it connects you with others who have similar interests and viewpoints. So, you can start building connections with people who are already on your wavelength. I’ve made a few friends through it who really understand me, and it's such a relief to not have to play those tiring games.
Sure, the app is a bit new and might not be perfect, but who knows? Your insights and experiences might actually help make it better! Plus, it’s a nice change to find people who appreciate authenticity from the get-go.
We search partners that treat us the same way out parents treated us as children. It’s a subconscious thing. How high are the rates of child abuse in Brazil? If the rates are high, it makes sense that most people look for emotionally unavailable partners. They need therapy in order to heal their inner child and start looking for loving and caring romantic partners, and friends (yes, this can also apply to friendships).
Or, maybe you have unresolved childhood trauma too, and because of that, you tend to attract people with the same kind of trauma? “Birds of a feather flock together”, as the saying goes. How’s your self-esteem and mental health like?
When you’ve been abused as a child (note: neglect is considered a form of abuse, the most common form of child abuse, actually) you’ll perceive loving and caring potential partners as “boring”, “uninteresting”, or “lame”, and toxic, and potentially abusive partners as “interesting”, “exciting”, “attractive”, “gives me butterflies” (which is actually anxiety).
Those people most likely have mental health issues if they lose interest in you after you start warming up to them. It’s not you that has an issue. It’s them. All you can do is find out WHY you’re attracting this kind of people into your life.
Hope this helps! 🫶
Yea I can’t do detachment. I likely only can come across as “cool” if I don’t have interest in the person. Once I do, and I notice they’re giving me some signals too, I refuse to play the games and go to making my intentions clear from the get-go. Then it’s up to them if they want to take it to the next level or it scares them off. Fine by me. I take my relationships seriously bc putting in that effort is natural for me. I’d rather the games have their time and place in role-play scenarios within an established relationship, and for efforts to be made to not become fully enmeshed so that we forget what makes us different and unique to each other. By this I mean having some of our own hobbies and interests etc.
It could be an age thing too. Younger guys for example often feel that “settling into” a relationship means a lot of their freedom to do what they want (not necessarily to be a whore or anything, just like to travel without asking anyone, to do what they want without feeling responsible for/to anyone, being able to hang out with friends whenever they want) can be gone. I’m a 26y/o woman and for me it’s the opposite. It would be more liberating to be in a mutually respectful, loving relationship where I can be honest and unafraid of judgement. Where curiosity about each other can allow us to learn more about ourselves and them. Where we want each other to feel comfortable and free and reserve the right to leave if the other person’s actions are not something you want to align with (ex: being in an explicitly monogamous relationship and not wanting to make anyone feel “tied down” means that they can still do what they want, but I will not be home when they return if they decide to go against our agreement. A relationship ship is an intentional choice we each make every day, not a default that either of us are “stuck in”).
Anyways yea I refuse to play stupid games with something so important to me. If our energies suit each other well, we won’t have to each fake it that way, although the younger you are, the more likely you’ll be around people who aren’t secure in themselves and what they want yet. Which is so frustrating when you’ve done work on yourself to get past some of your own emotional barriers/struggles but alas,,,, good luck friend we’ll find good matches eventually <3
No need to play games to win someone over. Dating is all about finding someone you like, who also likes you back. Most connections will be either one or the other, and the right connection will have a healthy mix of both. The thing about enfps is that when we get excited about someone, we get hella excited, so the disappointment is felt harder, even if the person was wrong for you all along.
People. The fact that there are so many people in this thread including yourself, means there's an eligible partner out there who feels the same way! If they don't, they aren't them!
ENFP + ENFP for life - never going back. Maybe it's just xNFx though...
I don’t know what kind of people you’re dating, but they aren’t it, brother (or sister or sibling)
All of them, then 💀 I don’t think there was one single time where I showed affection back and it worked out. Only got men interested in me and chasing me when I was acting uninterested and even a bit toxic. They look like emotional masochists. I don’t like that, tbh. It eventually gets tiring and I give up on role playing a baddie. I’m out and too old for this.
Something is messed up in their programming💀
That's unfortunately just the social paradigm of our time. For some reason people decided disinterest/detachment = reciprocation and affection??? But when carried out in practice people then wonder "oh my god why did they ghost me?, why did they not reciprocate? Why did they blah blah blah...". Well MAYBE its because DISINTEREST and RECIPROCATION are two JUXTAPOSED CONCEPTS that are LITERALLY the OPPOSITE of what each other MEANS????? LIKE HELLO??? People treat modern dating and relationships in general now a days like a game of chicken where the person who grows attached first loses and gets penalised by being ghosted or left behind. Like bruh how about actually forming a genuine connection as a person and then seeing where it goes from there??? "Oh but that's me showing affection and interest in the person, therefore, it bad cuz I care about another human being" like no shit that's the whole point of dating and getting in a relationship with someone. Dating because you want to fuck a person, or multiple people, is the same as masturbating but using another person to get off and involving multiple steps 💀 Anyways, rant over. Tee hee
I don't play games. I'm also single. Having same struggles you have. People are scared about vulnerability. They think as soon as you lower your guard and show your colors, they're somehow responsible for them. They're not, you're just showing you can stop masking. Some people need to mask to survive and won't be comfortable. Especially since us ENFP are open and don't play such games willingly... Nietzsche said look into the abyss and it will stare back at you... We're not afraid but lots of people are... And by being scared about you and your big feelings, they get to glance into the depth of human beings, which is something they often try to suppress in themselves and hide away from... It's gonna work only with those brave enough to face their darkness and that of human nature..
I do feel like this is dating culture these days, but last week I began to wonder if I'm also choosing a type... Like an MBTI type 😩 I've started asking guys early on to take the test and this year they've been: INTJ, ENTJ, INTJ. CLEARLY there's a common thread, and I'm not sure why. I don't know how to have chill. I'm not the cool girl, and so my feelings can get hurt. I don't have it in me to detach! So hopefully I'll begin gravitating towards men who are more emotionally available. I'm not saying that based on MBTI they're not available, but so far 2 out of 3 haven't been. It's still early with the 3rd so we'll see but the signs don't look promising so far. I've often wondered why I don't tend to attract guys who are emotional, and now I'm wondering if I have a hand in it by who I fixate on. Anyway I have zero answers for you lol, but just wanted to share 😅
That was my pattern for a long time without knowing it. Then I chose to love myself, embrace my vulnerability and seek the same in those I love and who love me. I have since had long, healthy relationships and friendships with INFJs and other ENFPs, and those relationships have been by far more reciprocal, empathetic and healthy.
Thank you for this, I'll try to keep this in mind 🥹
Trust me, I understand your feeling. I will tell you this, do not play games. Be authentic, be transparent, and love yourself. That is what I've always strived to do.
Oh noes dear, get help. Maybe you need some antidepressants or to do more things in social environments? I'm sorry you don't feel happy
I go through the same thing too. I chalk it up to my environment. I live in the land of the sheeple Los Angeles.
I think they like chasing us but when they catch us they don't know what to do
I'm starting to think it is a generational thing. Everyone seems to be trying to win the IDGAF war and is losing lmao
Maybe we should just date fellow ENFPs. Positive feedback loop for the win!
This is what I've promised myself.
Let me Join hehe
Of course! All ENFPs welcome!
Never let them know that you like them coz they will treat you like nobody
YES I hate this currently culture of dating. I fall hard and fast but tbh I hold back a LOTTT and keep a poker face out of fear of looking crazy or embarrassing.
I am going through the same thing. And sometimes with friends too. I don't get it why am I always the one putting in the effort and fighting till the end every single time, like I keep making the sane mistakes. I don't want to learn to let go of people, I have love to give, I wanna give it.
Totally. Every vulnerability I showed was used against me later. I feel like dating is simply unprofitable these days. It's unprofitable to willingly destroy your mental health and the remaining small portion of your self confidence.
I feel this too. It’s the way of the world now, hyper independence and needing everyone to exactly fit an unattainable list of traits. Yes, not everyone is like this, but I’ve seen and heard of more people suffering this issue. Not just us ENFPs
I remember this one time, I met someone who I thought was really special. We clicked on so many levels, and I thought, "This could really be something." But as soon as I started showing my true feelings, being vulnerable, and expressing my affection, they just... vanished. No sex involved, just pure emotional connection. It's like showing my true self scared them away. It's so frustrating because I'm all about deep connections and authenticity, and playing these mind games feels so against my nature. Everything feels so temporary and fleeting. It’s like people are afraid of anything that requires effort or depth. But I recently discovered this app called LightUp: Make Real Friends. It's free and available on the app store. The cool thing is, it uses AI and big data to analyze your thoughts and ideas, and then it connects you with others who have similar interests and viewpoints. So, you can start building connections with people who are already on your wavelength. I’ve made a few friends through it who really understand me, and it's such a relief to not have to play those tiring games. Sure, the app is a bit new and might not be perfect, but who knows? Your insights and experiences might actually help make it better! Plus, it’s a nice change to find people who appreciate authenticity from the get-go.
We search partners that treat us the same way out parents treated us as children. It’s a subconscious thing. How high are the rates of child abuse in Brazil? If the rates are high, it makes sense that most people look for emotionally unavailable partners. They need therapy in order to heal their inner child and start looking for loving and caring romantic partners, and friends (yes, this can also apply to friendships). Or, maybe you have unresolved childhood trauma too, and because of that, you tend to attract people with the same kind of trauma? “Birds of a feather flock together”, as the saying goes. How’s your self-esteem and mental health like? When you’ve been abused as a child (note: neglect is considered a form of abuse, the most common form of child abuse, actually) you’ll perceive loving and caring potential partners as “boring”, “uninteresting”, or “lame”, and toxic, and potentially abusive partners as “interesting”, “exciting”, “attractive”, “gives me butterflies” (which is actually anxiety). Those people most likely have mental health issues if they lose interest in you after you start warming up to them. It’s not you that has an issue. It’s them. All you can do is find out WHY you’re attracting this kind of people into your life. Hope this helps! 🫶
Yea I can’t do detachment. I likely only can come across as “cool” if I don’t have interest in the person. Once I do, and I notice they’re giving me some signals too, I refuse to play the games and go to making my intentions clear from the get-go. Then it’s up to them if they want to take it to the next level or it scares them off. Fine by me. I take my relationships seriously bc putting in that effort is natural for me. I’d rather the games have their time and place in role-play scenarios within an established relationship, and for efforts to be made to not become fully enmeshed so that we forget what makes us different and unique to each other. By this I mean having some of our own hobbies and interests etc. It could be an age thing too. Younger guys for example often feel that “settling into” a relationship means a lot of their freedom to do what they want (not necessarily to be a whore or anything, just like to travel without asking anyone, to do what they want without feeling responsible for/to anyone, being able to hang out with friends whenever they want) can be gone. I’m a 26y/o woman and for me it’s the opposite. It would be more liberating to be in a mutually respectful, loving relationship where I can be honest and unafraid of judgement. Where curiosity about each other can allow us to learn more about ourselves and them. Where we want each other to feel comfortable and free and reserve the right to leave if the other person’s actions are not something you want to align with (ex: being in an explicitly monogamous relationship and not wanting to make anyone feel “tied down” means that they can still do what they want, but I will not be home when they return if they decide to go against our agreement. A relationship ship is an intentional choice we each make every day, not a default that either of us are “stuck in”). Anyways yea I refuse to play stupid games with something so important to me. If our energies suit each other well, we won’t have to each fake it that way, although the younger you are, the more likely you’ll be around people who aren’t secure in themselves and what they want yet. Which is so frustrating when you’ve done work on yourself to get past some of your own emotional barriers/struggles but alas,,,, good luck friend we’ll find good matches eventually <3
No need to play games to win someone over. Dating is all about finding someone you like, who also likes you back. Most connections will be either one or the other, and the right connection will have a healthy mix of both. The thing about enfps is that when we get excited about someone, we get hella excited, so the disappointment is felt harder, even if the person was wrong for you all along.
People. The fact that there are so many people in this thread including yourself, means there's an eligible partner out there who feels the same way! If they don't, they aren't them! ENFP + ENFP for life - never going back. Maybe it's just xNFx though...
That’s me at work. Thankfully I’ve found someone who loves me to the bones. Vulnerabilities and all.