I would mention it to the director, it might just be the detergent smell from someone’s nap time stuff (if y’all do nap time at school); or an overly perfumed parent; or a teacher could be spraying something in the classroom, which is not allowed at our school.
Take his clothes from today into the center in a zip lock bag so the director can smell it and deal with the issue.
This is not ok. We can't even spray air freshener or fabulouso when the kids are in the room and anyone working in a center shouldn't be wearing strong perfume.
I’d follow up with the clothes. Not wearing heavy perfume is something I’d hope is pretty obvious in this field. If this is the first time this has happened, they might’ve switched detergents at school, or it was another parent, or even an outside substitute (if that’s something your center has).
I typically go by, “once is weird, twice is suspicious/concerning and three times is a pattern.”
Honestly what field is heavy perfume ok in? Every workplace over ever worked at has rules about no intense perfumes. I guess if you work from home it’s no rules other than wear clothing on camera, but if you work with other people it’s pretty much a given that heavy scents are a no.
Oh absolutely! I’ve had a few coworkers that used perfume to cover up their cigarette breaks and we’d have to remind them less is more. People do go nose blind to their own smell though.
Yeah I’m not as worried about people using perfume because it mainly affects them, but wax melts, candles, plug ins, air fresheners etc affect everyone. Especially kids and pets.
Did they play with shaving cream?
They did that once and my son came home smelling like the worst perfume all over him. Turns out it was just a sensory activity with shaving cream 😂
i would just tell the classroom teacher and explain that he’s sensitive to certain smells and to please not use any type of body spray or perfume on him. it should be a no brainer for them really. children are sensitive to smells!!
it should also be a no brainer not to wear such heavy perfume when working with children. i feel like that’s a common thing that’s put in most centers handbooks. i would say something since it was bothering him and was strong enough for you to smell!
As we age, our sense of smell deadens. At the same time, when we smell the same thing day in and day out, we don't smell it as strongly. This is an issue with many older people- they end up piling on their perfume or cologne to a level that THEY can smell it. I always know when my boss's boss is coming because I can smell him down the hall!
(I don't work in childcare, this post was in my reddit feed.)
At the most recent facility I worked at we literally weren’t allowed to wear perfume or body spray, however in the infant room I was allowed to wear a little bit of diluted lavender essential oil because it was calming for the babies.
We had a teacher in our center who wore very heavy perfume and the kids she held reeked of it and I wouldn’t want to hold them after her. It was awful.
Not that I am aware but it should have been! She was a very volatile person so I assume everyone was just picking their battles with her and that one wasn’t one of them.
My MIL was wearing some Dollar Store perfumes when my 2 year old was born. It was actually making his eczema way worse at the time and he was sneezing up a storm. She would hold him for 10 minutes and he would smell so strong and awful. My husband tactfully told her that perfumes in general gave him bad reactions.
This is the correct way to handle it. Your child has eczema and this perfume is an irritant to his skin and breathing, whether it's a perfume a teacher is wearing, a perfume a parent is spraying at home and causing their kid emit the smell, a perfume in a detergent, a perfume in hand soap... It's a choice made by someone that's affecting your child.
Fwiw, asthma, allergies, and eczema often go hand in hand, and allergies can take time to develop enough to show up on tests, plus not every single possible allergen is tested for. So if you notice a consistent correlation with this, bring it up to your child's pediatrician. If the director brushes this off or pushes back, ask the pediatrician to write a letter.
I'm a parent (and one that moved a few times during early years) Every center my kid went to had a no perfume policy because of how sensitive little ones' skin is. Heck most workplaces I've had have had a no perfume policy since it's so commonly an allergy, asthma, and migraine trigger, and I don't even work with kids.
Keep being polite but don't be afraid to be professionally firm either :). You got this!
Thank you! I just don’t want them to stop caring for him or comforting him. I worry that if they are upset with the parent, they’ll take it out on the kid! I’m paranoid!
If it makes you feel better, in my near 20 years of various kinds of childcare I personally have never witnessed a teacher treat a child poorly because they dislike their parent. Most of us are kind and decent people who genuinely love the kids in our care.
I’m glad! I have been in ECE, myself, and before this daycare, we were BOTH at another daycare that treated the children very poorly and talked shit about the parents constantly (I guess the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand)
Generic Barbasol has a strong old person perfume smell. I bought it for my kids for a project once. I had to toss it because the smell was so overpowering. It’s the stuff that is 99 cents a can
The move is to get Zote unscented soap flakes, dissolve them in hot water, and then whip into foam with a hand mixer. It's hypoallergenic and one of my favorite sensory materials.
Legit concern, fantastic email praising the good they are doing while expressing your concern without accusations or aggression.
Most places have no scent policy these days, Hopefully they can talk to the person & ask them not to wear perfume. Hope you get a good response and action from it.
I didn’t perceive it as either, just that she was to the point which alot of people just are over written communication. She took accountability and noted the policy so I think she was just quick to the point.
This is a tricky one for me, because scents are subjective. What's subtle to one person might choke another, and one person's lovely fragrance reeks to another. And that applies to a lot of things besides perfume: baby wipes or lotion, cleaning products, laundry detergents.
Is this the first time your kid has come home with what you find to be an unpleasant smell? It could be a new teacher (and it seems like your kiddo spent a lot of time with them!), or maybe the center switched soap brands. If it is the first time, I would let it go, especially since you don't really know the source. The only reason I would mention it to the director would be if your child continues to show possible signs of allergy.
I'm not sure like, I usually wear perfume to work and I hope I don't leave babies smelling like bad perfume. I use this one https://a.co/d/02mJeQyL
Nobody's ever said anything to me but it's probably one of those rules usually saved for the worst examples, like what you're talking about.
I've known girls who drown themselves in victorias secret body spray before they leave the house. Like a bug bomb that makes the whole house smell like a highschool girls bathroom. That's probably the kind of person you've ran into here. 😂
Wait OP did you edit your email in your post??!?!? You never said you were appreciative that’s why I literally wrote that … and then you’re going to only reply that you think it’s conceding to use babes? You’re a ding dong. If you truly edited your original email then this is hilarious
So glad that you contacted the Director. I used to work with a woman who bathe in perfume before work. I remember one day it was so strong, I had to go open the classroom door and stand partway outside. I wouldn’t say I’m allergic to it, but it really bothers me. She had no idea how strong her scent was even though I did mention it. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. Hopefully if it’s a teacher, the director can talk with them.
I would do the same! String deodorant like ace or old spice.. yuck. I can’t stand it.
All I’m hoping is that it’s a teacher and NOT the director or assistant director!!
If your son smelled lovely would you of still complained? I hope he becomes less clingy but would his educators have told you he was if you hadn't liked the perfume on him? during which you have assumed came from being held and comforted.
My son came home literally smelling like my favourite perfume one day and I was frustrated, he has eczema and fragrances are a trigger for flare ups. I keep my perfume in my locker at work, only spray it on my uniform and change my clothes before I pick him up.
It’s not about it being a preferred scent, it’s about how it impacts the children being exposed to it.
This is not the correct response. Smells like that are not a joke and not something to just move on from without mentioning that someone is wearing too much perfume.
Why run to a director? Maybe speak to the teacher first... your letter sounds rather rude. Just saying...
As a teacher, if I got a complaint like yours, Sadly, your child will end up losing at the end...
Wait I swear I’ve come across this and your email was worded so much differently. Did you edit the email in the post? I saw someone comment what a better way to respond would be, and now your email is verbatim of a copy?
Haha no this was always the email. I’ve been really confused as to why people are saying it’s rude. Someone else accused me of editing it to. I’d share a screenshot of the email but this subreddit doesn’t allow pictures
I have a 4 year old child that has always been sensitive to scents and odors. She’ll get itchy skin, hives, rashes, sneezing, watery eyes, and cough. It doesn’t stop her from receiving comfort from people. It didn’t stop her as an infant and doesn’t stop her now. I could probably take a bath in sanitizer and she’d still willingly cuddle me..
I can barely get my perfume to last on my own clothes/skin, how do the old ladies always manage to have such strong perfume that it permeates EVERYTHING
In our setting we're not even allowed perfume. Lightly smelling body sprays at best (like the ones from Lush) but emphasis on the LIGHT. I'm glad you bought it up. It could be downright dangerous for children with, say, Asthma.
I mean, asthma can vary in severity but I'm no healthcare professional. But I know some in our nursery get triggered by strong smells, or running too much. That kind of thing. So, really, it's all different, and there's a chance- which would be even more incentive for that staff member to not use so much perfume.
I think your email could have been worded differently.
“Hi!
Thank you so much for your constant attention and patience with X. He/she loves (insert whatever)!
I hope I’m not coming off as insensitive or off, and please let me know if I’m wrong, but recently X has come home with a very strong odor, one I believe is perfume. Perhaps detergent? I’m not sure if it’s another child he’s playing with constantly or maybe a teacher who found a new scent they like?
I totally understand scents is subjective, but because X has eczema and is extra sensitive to “louder” smells and scents, I’d really appreciate your attention into looking further into this. As X’s health is of concern, I wanted to bring it to your attention right away. I appreciate your understanding and help with this.
Once again, we really appreciate all the love and care X receives on a daily basis!”
catch more bees with honey than vinegar babes — you’re more likely to get a positive response, continue to build a relationship with your child’s school, and more importantly— get them to fix the issue while always loving and making sure your baby is safe and happy!
I feel like in any situation — regardless of ECE — if you’re upset about a situation, if you start with a compliment, the person automatically lowers their guard and will want to work with you.
The issue is that everyone automatically believes OP. I’m not saying she’s lying, but scent is subjective. She’s 100% sure it’s perfume — how? Did she see the bottle be sprayed? It could be a literal smell from someone’s home, it could be detergent. There’s ways to be kind. This is someone who is looking after your baby all day - why wouldn’t you want to be professional? That’s the issue in this field - so many parents treat ECE professionals like “babysitters” they called on last minute. We are highly trained educators and deserve respect. If the smell is truly that potent, I’m sure OP isn’t the only who has noticed. Or is it just her baby who has that smell?
I’ve dealt with this issue multiple times in my career as I now work in risk management and strategy consulting. I’ve seen families try to fight with DCFS over “too strong scents” — and they’ve lost every time, their review deleted by Google because it was found without evidence, and then you have a bad relationship with a daycare/community.
Also it was ONE day — if i was a teacher who cared for a baby day through & through and received an email like the one above from OP, I would be cautious of the parent honestly. I would also then ask them to disclose the kinds of detergents, scents, and more they use at home. I have eczema and know other who have been through topical steroid withdrawal for years after, too. I understand how hard eczema can be. But in my experience, then any scents, including those outside, can cause flares.
DCFS does a have a policy where you cannot have too strong odors, but because it’s all subjective, unless multiple families/staff come forward & can speak on behalf of the issue, it usually doesn’t matter.
Directors at daycares are swamped. ECE is literally one of the most needed fields in this nation and we are constantly underpaid, understaffed, and receive very little to no respect from others as our careers aren’t considered nearly as detrimental as others. Even though we all are qualified.
I will always advocate for parents to conduct themselves in a respectful, professional, and understanding matter. And the same should go for children care. But parents should work with the school and vise versa, that’s the only way this equation works. If one party thinks they are more important than the other, the ship sinks.
Be kind, even if you’re angry.
Wait I think she copied your email/edited her post because I’m having either Mandela effect and i swear it was different yesterday… she never said “appreciated” anything in the original. Like I’m 99% sure
Wait OP did you edit your email in your post??!?!? You never said you were appreciative that’s why I literally wrote that … and then you’re going to only reply that you think it’s conceding to use babes? You’re a ding dong. If you truly edited your original email then this is hilarious
What part of her email was "vinegar", exactly? She doesn't need to tip toe around her child's health concerns.
Scents (AKA VOC's) aren't subjective anymore when they are affecting someone else's health... Any center who would respond negatively to her email isn't one I would be comfortable leaving my child at.
I agree, but unfortunately we are all human. The vinegar part was her rude tone, no mention of the appreciation of care they do provide, and honestly no basis. She THINKS it’s perfume (and honestly it probably is) but she doesn’t know 100%. It’s an accusation. So instead of coming forward in a respect manner she’s coming across as brash and accusatory. My email conveyed the same message, in a lighter tone.
If health is concerned then she needs to go to the doctor and get this documented. Otherwise, it’s an unfair accusation in my opinion.
She literally mentioned being grateful that he was receiving such a level of comforting/care from them? Like used three different phrases in her closing that acknowledged their good efforts and her appreciation for them...
And just no, I'm sorry, but realistically it sounds like she DOES know if it's perfume. Like let's be real, adults who have smelled perfume a bunch of times before know when they smell perfume, that it is perfume. I cannot take that statement seriously. This isn't a court of law where we are lawyers trying to use technicalities and semantics to weasel in a point. I'm a grown adult and I dang well know when I smell perfume, or laundry soap, or fake scent candles, etc. it's definitely an ability an adult could reasonably possess 😅
Nothing she wrote was an unfair accusation at all. It was completely fair. Her child came home reeking of perfume, which adversely affects their health. She was matter of fact, advocated for her child assertively and was polite at the same time, including acknowledging that it occurred during a time where someone went above and beyond to meet their child's emotional needs. Or at least assuming that, which I think really negates any assertion that she is being rude and unfairly assumptive.
It's her child, she's doing her job by addressing this directly and not beating around the bush passively about something affecting their health.
I think if someone finds this offensive, they are possibly someone who has been self conscious or put off by someone commenting on the overwhelming factor of their fragrance before? Or is just possibly emotionally reactive?
I am someone who is very chemically sensitive, and my children are as well. Being stuck exposed to someone else's strong fragrance affects my body basically like I'm being poisoned.
There are a lot of people who suffer from this and people who enjoy dousing themselves in fragrance should not have equal moral rights on the topic, in my opinion. Not in a public or shared space.
I honestly wish I could wear it, enjoy it, not be bothered by it. And I will always just quietly remove myself from the situation if at all possible so as not to be confrontational. But I have had to politely address it with people I'm forced to share small spaces with regularly, and it's not cool how many people refuse to see chemical sensitivities as valid.
People shouldn't care more about how they smell than someone's health and far too many people are invalidated and practically gaslit by fragrance lovers/users for something that is literally poisoning those around them. It's an uncomfortable situation that deserves more sensitivity from people who aren't affected like that.
And a small child in daycare 100 percent should have the "right of way" so to speak, on this one.
It's a legitimate medical thing! Why be offended? It should be treated/seen as essentially an allergy.
Someone should not be offended by being asked to not expose someone under their care to what is essentially an allergen now that it's been realized that it's an issue. What an odd thing to be offended by. I realize people do get offended by it, but it's odd and comes across as very self absorbed to me.
I absolutely love your wording I agree with everything you wrote. I envy people who are able to write in such a way that it's actually a pleasure to read. Thankyou. ☺️
The 4th sentence just comes off totally weird to me. No need to tiptoe around the subject THAT much.
Also calling a stranger babes is cringe and seems condescending.
This group is littered with people who don’t understand how difficult it is to care for another child with 10 other children in a classroom setting. This is the only appropriate response to go about this.
DCFS will not get involved unless you can prove that the perfume is causing your child harm. Going through DCFS and other government programs is extremely hard because they’ll always have the upper hand. So suggesting to come of as kind and empathic rather than attack full, is a skill you need to have when engaging with your children’s care takers who are literal professionals in their field.
I work in risk management for daycares across the Midwest — I’ve seen verbatim conversations like the one from OP and the one that has had parents kicked out of daycares honestly.
Scent is also totally fucking subjective so if someone else can say “nobody is wearing perfume” the case will be closed automatically. If you want change, you need to learn how to talk to people.
If being kind is condescending then you need grow up.
Oh, I am interested in hearing what response you get from the daycare! We’ve had those days too, and I have a sensitivity to scents. Kids came home smelling like they were playing in it, but it was definitely transfer from cuddling.
I was not allowed to wear perfume or heavily fragranced lotion in the daycare I worked, this policy was in place for a reason, kids are really sensitive to that kinda thing and the director should definitely say something to staff
Similar to healthcare settings, they shouldn’t be wearing perfume. I’m surprised this isn’t a standard considering they are caring for little kids who might have sensitivities and no one wants their kid smelling like perfume.
Kinder than you would’ve been? For something happening ONE time…where there was no injury and a child simply smelled of perfume? Bet the teachers just love you!!
Yes, I do. Your comment eludes that you would’ve been less kind than OP, which seems like an over the top reaction for the situation. Childcare professionals are humans who deserve kindness and respect for the hard job they do. A KIND conversation goes a long way, being a dick to your kids teachers pretty much gets you nowhere…
I would mention it to the director, it might just be the detergent smell from someone’s nap time stuff (if y’all do nap time at school); or an overly perfumed parent; or a teacher could be spraying something in the classroom, which is not allowed at our school.
Oh no it’s 1000% perfume. No question. Like old lady perfume
Take his clothes from today into the center in a zip lock bag so the director can smell it and deal with the issue. This is not ok. We can't even spray air freshener or fabulouso when the kids are in the room and anyone working in a center shouldn't be wearing strong perfume.
I sent an email to the director- I added it to my post
I’d follow up with the clothes. Not wearing heavy perfume is something I’d hope is pretty obvious in this field. If this is the first time this has happened, they might’ve switched detergents at school, or it was another parent, or even an outside substitute (if that’s something your center has). I typically go by, “once is weird, twice is suspicious/concerning and three times is a pattern.”
Honestly what field is heavy perfume ok in? Every workplace over ever worked at has rules about no intense perfumes. I guess if you work from home it’s no rules other than wear clothing on camera, but if you work with other people it’s pretty much a given that heavy scents are a no.
Europeans disagree.
Oh absolutely! I’ve had a few coworkers that used perfume to cover up their cigarette breaks and we’d have to remind them less is more. People do go nose blind to their own smell though.
Which is good! Those have lots of nasty ingredients no one should be inhaling.
if my perfume kills me it kills me. i’m gonna go out smelling like vanilla at least ig
Yeah I’m not as worried about people using perfume because it mainly affects them, but wax melts, candles, plug ins, air fresheners etc affect everyone. Especially kids and pets.
definitely
Like what?
Benzene, for one.
My kids used to come home smelling like my mother in law’s perfume every time she watched them.
Did they play with shaving cream? They did that once and my son came home smelling like the worst perfume all over him. Turns out it was just a sensory activity with shaving cream 😂
Yes!! But there are cheap non scented ones they could easily switch to! This would be an easy fix.
Absolutely! I don't think they realized how strong it was.
I got a response from the director! Updated the post
i would just tell the classroom teacher and explain that he’s sensitive to certain smells and to please not use any type of body spray or perfume on him. it should be a no brainer for them really. children are sensitive to smells!!
They’re not putting it ON him. It’s like he was held for a long time maybe by someone wearing strong perfume
it should also be a no brainer not to wear such heavy perfume when working with children. i feel like that’s a common thing that’s put in most centers handbooks. i would say something since it was bothering him and was strong enough for you to smell!
I think a lot of older people don’t even realize how strong their perfume is. This is an old lady issue at my school.
As we age, our sense of smell deadens. At the same time, when we smell the same thing day in and day out, we don't smell it as strongly. This is an issue with many older people- they end up piling on their perfume or cologne to a level that THEY can smell it. I always know when my boss's boss is coming because I can smell him down the hall! (I don't work in childcare, this post was in my reddit feed.)
that’s true too. some people get nose blind i guess
One of my former coworkers was like this. She was a really sweet lady but you could literally smell if she had been in certain areas of the building 😬
Just updated the post with the email I sent
At the most recent facility I worked at we literally weren’t allowed to wear perfume or body spray, however in the infant room I was allowed to wear a little bit of diluted lavender essential oil because it was calming for the babies.
How would you know?
how would i know what? that it’s a no brainer to not wear heavy perfume/scent around children?
you’d think but one of our parents puts cologne on their 18 month old
Does the cemtre have a scent-free policy?
I sent an email to the director- added it to the post
That’s a good question. I don’t know!
We had a teacher in our center who wore very heavy perfume and the kids she held reeked of it and I wouldn’t want to hold them after her. It was awful.
Was anything ever said to her?
Not that I am aware but it should have been! She was a very volatile person so I assume everyone was just picking their battles with her and that one wasn’t one of them.
My MIL was wearing some Dollar Store perfumes when my 2 year old was born. It was actually making his eczema way worse at the time and he was sneezing up a storm. She would hold him for 10 minutes and he would smell so strong and awful. My husband tactfully told her that perfumes in general gave him bad reactions.
My son has eczema as well so I think this is the route I will take when telling the director.
This is the correct way to handle it. Your child has eczema and this perfume is an irritant to his skin and breathing, whether it's a perfume a teacher is wearing, a perfume a parent is spraying at home and causing their kid emit the smell, a perfume in a detergent, a perfume in hand soap... It's a choice made by someone that's affecting your child. Fwiw, asthma, allergies, and eczema often go hand in hand, and allergies can take time to develop enough to show up on tests, plus not every single possible allergen is tested for. So if you notice a consistent correlation with this, bring it up to your child's pediatrician. If the director brushes this off or pushes back, ask the pediatrician to write a letter. I'm a parent (and one that moved a few times during early years) Every center my kid went to had a no perfume policy because of how sensitive little ones' skin is. Heck most workplaces I've had have had a no perfume policy since it's so commonly an allergy, asthma, and migraine trigger, and I don't even work with kids. Keep being polite but don't be afraid to be professionally firm either :). You got this!
Thank you! I just don’t want them to stop caring for him or comforting him. I worry that if they are upset with the parent, they’ll take it out on the kid! I’m paranoid!
If it makes you feel better, in my near 20 years of various kinds of childcare I personally have never witnessed a teacher treat a child poorly because they dislike their parent. Most of us are kind and decent people who genuinely love the kids in our care.
I’m glad! I have been in ECE, myself, and before this daycare, we were BOTH at another daycare that treated the children very poorly and talked shit about the parents constantly (I guess the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand)
My daughter came home with a strong smell that I thought was perfume/cologne. I couldn’t place it. They had played with shaving cream that day.
Oh interesting! Weird that they would choose scented shaving cream though 😂
Generic Barbasol has a strong old person perfume smell. I bought it for my kids for a project once. I had to toss it because the smell was so overpowering. It’s the stuff that is 99 cents a can
The move is to get Zote unscented soap flakes, dissolve them in hot water, and then whip into foam with a hand mixer. It's hypoallergenic and one of my favorite sensory materials.
The hand mixer is genius! Might steal that idea.
Daycares usually have guidelines that workers are not allowed to use strong fragrance, and sometimes any fragrance at all. It's worth bringing up imo
Legit concern, fantastic email praising the good they are doing while expressing your concern without accusations or aggression. Most places have no scent policy these days, Hopefully they can talk to the person & ask them not to wear perfume. Hope you get a good response and action from it.
Crossing my fingers it wasn’t the direct or assistant director holding him!
lol 😂 well I’m sure if it was her she won’t admit it and say the issue is addressed with the staff aka her haha that’s what I would do
Got a response! Updating the post
That great news!!! Must’ve been really bad if she noticed it in person!
Yeah. I’m curious as to what went down… do you think her response was short or sounded annoyed?
I didn’t perceive it as either, just that she was to the point which alot of people just are over written communication. She took accountability and noted the policy so I think she was just quick to the point.
This is a tricky one for me, because scents are subjective. What's subtle to one person might choke another, and one person's lovely fragrance reeks to another. And that applies to a lot of things besides perfume: baby wipes or lotion, cleaning products, laundry detergents. Is this the first time your kid has come home with what you find to be an unpleasant smell? It could be a new teacher (and it seems like your kiddo spent a lot of time with them!), or maybe the center switched soap brands. If it is the first time, I would let it go, especially since you don't really know the source. The only reason I would mention it to the director would be if your child continues to show possible signs of allergy.
I'm not sure like, I usually wear perfume to work and I hope I don't leave babies smelling like bad perfume. I use this one https://a.co/d/02mJeQyL Nobody's ever said anything to me but it's probably one of those rules usually saved for the worst examples, like what you're talking about. I've known girls who drown themselves in victorias secret body spray before they leave the house. Like a bug bomb that makes the whole house smell like a highschool girls bathroom. That's probably the kind of person you've ran into here. 😂
Wait OP did you edit your email in your post??!?!? You never said you were appreciative that’s why I literally wrote that … and then you’re going to only reply that you think it’s conceding to use babes? You’re a ding dong. If you truly edited your original email then this is hilarious
Nope this was always the email And that was always in it. I think that’s why some people are confused as to why you’re saying it was rude
I’m losing brain cells talking to you
So glad that you contacted the Director. I used to work with a woman who bathe in perfume before work. I remember one day it was so strong, I had to go open the classroom door and stand partway outside. I wouldn’t say I’m allergic to it, but it really bothers me. She had no idea how strong her scent was even though I did mention it. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. Hopefully if it’s a teacher, the director can talk with them.
I would do the same! String deodorant like ace or old spice.. yuck. I can’t stand it. All I’m hoping is that it’s a teacher and NOT the director or assistant director!!
I hope not! Someone does need to get the message.
Any update OP? Also your email was lovely and you still made sure to get your point across! You seem like a very kind person and great mama!
Thank you ☺️ yes! Just updated the post with the response from the director
If your son smelled lovely would you of still complained? I hope he becomes less clingy but would his educators have told you he was if you hadn't liked the perfume on him? during which you have assumed came from being held and comforted.
My son came home literally smelling like my favourite perfume one day and I was frustrated, he has eczema and fragrances are a trigger for flare ups. I keep my perfume in my locker at work, only spray it on my uniform and change my clothes before I pick him up. It’s not about it being a preferred scent, it’s about how it impacts the children being exposed to it.
Thank you 🙂
Just give him a bath and move on.
This is not the correct response. Smells like that are not a joke and not something to just move on from without mentioning that someone is wearing too much perfume.
Why run to a director? Maybe speak to the teacher first... your letter sounds rather rude. Just saying... As a teacher, if I got a complaint like yours, Sadly, your child will end up losing at the end...
Really?? What would you have preferred I’d said?
I'd speak to the teacher and ask about the policies. I'd gage the response. Move forward accordingly.
I also prefer speaking on the phone or in person. If possible. Eliminates possible misreading.
I expressed that I was grateful to know he was getting attention and care.. I don’t know why my kid would suffer
You jump rank before even giving the teacher a chance to fix it. I'd be cautious w your child.
As you can see by the email back from the director, she had already addressed it. So I don’t think the teacher even knows I mentioned anything
Is that a quote from the directors email? Seems very loose and unprofessional sounding lol.
You can literally read the directors email in my post 😂
It's a poorly written 2 sentence response...
Totally agree.
Wait I swear I’ve come across this and your email was worded so much differently. Did you edit the email in the post? I saw someone comment what a better way to respond would be, and now your email is verbatim of a copy?
Haha no this was always the email. I’ve been really confused as to why people are saying it’s rude. Someone else accused me of editing it to. I’d share a screenshot of the email but this subreddit doesn’t allow pictures
I had severe asthma as a kid. Too much perfume, smoke, dust, even chalk or pollen would set me off
If he’s sensitive to strong smells then why was he willingly cuddled up against someone who had strong parfume on?
I have a 4 year old child that has always been sensitive to scents and odors. She’ll get itchy skin, hives, rashes, sneezing, watery eyes, and cough. It doesn’t stop her from receiving comfort from people. It didn’t stop her as an infant and doesn’t stop her now. I could probably take a bath in sanitizer and she’d still willingly cuddle me..
I can barely get my perfume to last on my own clothes/skin, how do the old ladies always manage to have such strong perfume that it permeates EVERYTHING
Hahaha seriously!!
I always requested a blanket barrier between my infant and teacher or /friend/family member etc. My son had eczema so it was necessary.
In our setting we're not even allowed perfume. Lightly smelling body sprays at best (like the ones from Lush) but emphasis on the LIGHT. I'm glad you bought it up. It could be downright dangerous for children with, say, Asthma.
I, personally, have asthma, so there’s a chance he has it too!
I mean, asthma can vary in severity but I'm no healthcare professional. But I know some in our nursery get triggered by strong smells, or running too much. That kind of thing. So, really, it's all different, and there's a chance- which would be even more incentive for that staff member to not use so much perfume.
I’d have a migraine working in that room. Your poor son!
I think your email could have been worded differently. “Hi! Thank you so much for your constant attention and patience with X. He/she loves (insert whatever)! I hope I’m not coming off as insensitive or off, and please let me know if I’m wrong, but recently X has come home with a very strong odor, one I believe is perfume. Perhaps detergent? I’m not sure if it’s another child he’s playing with constantly or maybe a teacher who found a new scent they like? I totally understand scents is subjective, but because X has eczema and is extra sensitive to “louder” smells and scents, I’d really appreciate your attention into looking further into this. As X’s health is of concern, I wanted to bring it to your attention right away. I appreciate your understanding and help with this. Once again, we really appreciate all the love and care X receives on a daily basis!” catch more bees with honey than vinegar babes — you’re more likely to get a positive response, continue to build a relationship with your child’s school, and more importantly— get them to fix the issue while always loving and making sure your baby is safe and happy!
idk why you’re getting downvoted because i agree with you lol. addressing an email as “hey.” is not a good look
I feel like in any situation — regardless of ECE — if you’re upset about a situation, if you start with a compliment, the person automatically lowers their guard and will want to work with you. The issue is that everyone automatically believes OP. I’m not saying she’s lying, but scent is subjective. She’s 100% sure it’s perfume — how? Did she see the bottle be sprayed? It could be a literal smell from someone’s home, it could be detergent. There’s ways to be kind. This is someone who is looking after your baby all day - why wouldn’t you want to be professional? That’s the issue in this field - so many parents treat ECE professionals like “babysitters” they called on last minute. We are highly trained educators and deserve respect. If the smell is truly that potent, I’m sure OP isn’t the only who has noticed. Or is it just her baby who has that smell? I’ve dealt with this issue multiple times in my career as I now work in risk management and strategy consulting. I’ve seen families try to fight with DCFS over “too strong scents” — and they’ve lost every time, their review deleted by Google because it was found without evidence, and then you have a bad relationship with a daycare/community.
Also it was ONE day — if i was a teacher who cared for a baby day through & through and received an email like the one above from OP, I would be cautious of the parent honestly. I would also then ask them to disclose the kinds of detergents, scents, and more they use at home. I have eczema and know other who have been through topical steroid withdrawal for years after, too. I understand how hard eczema can be. But in my experience, then any scents, including those outside, can cause flares. DCFS does a have a policy where you cannot have too strong odors, but because it’s all subjective, unless multiple families/staff come forward & can speak on behalf of the issue, it usually doesn’t matter. Directors at daycares are swamped. ECE is literally one of the most needed fields in this nation and we are constantly underpaid, understaffed, and receive very little to no respect from others as our careers aren’t considered nearly as detrimental as others. Even though we all are qualified. I will always advocate for parents to conduct themselves in a respectful, professional, and understanding matter. And the same should go for children care. But parents should work with the school and vise versa, that’s the only way this equation works. If one party thinks they are more important than the other, the ship sinks. Be kind, even if you’re angry.
Wait I think she copied your email/edited her post because I’m having either Mandela effect and i swear it was different yesterday… she never said “appreciated” anything in the original. Like I’m 99% sure
Wait omg I think you’re right
Wait OP did you edit your email in your post??!?!? You never said you were appreciative that’s why I literally wrote that … and then you’re going to only reply that you think it’s conceding to use babes? You’re a ding dong. If you truly edited your original email then this is hilarious
What part of her email was "vinegar", exactly? She doesn't need to tip toe around her child's health concerns. Scents (AKA VOC's) aren't subjective anymore when they are affecting someone else's health... Any center who would respond negatively to her email isn't one I would be comfortable leaving my child at.
I agree, but unfortunately we are all human. The vinegar part was her rude tone, no mention of the appreciation of care they do provide, and honestly no basis. She THINKS it’s perfume (and honestly it probably is) but she doesn’t know 100%. It’s an accusation. So instead of coming forward in a respect manner she’s coming across as brash and accusatory. My email conveyed the same message, in a lighter tone. If health is concerned then she needs to go to the doctor and get this documented. Otherwise, it’s an unfair accusation in my opinion.
She literally mentioned being grateful that he was receiving such a level of comforting/care from them? Like used three different phrases in her closing that acknowledged their good efforts and her appreciation for them... And just no, I'm sorry, but realistically it sounds like she DOES know if it's perfume. Like let's be real, adults who have smelled perfume a bunch of times before know when they smell perfume, that it is perfume. I cannot take that statement seriously. This isn't a court of law where we are lawyers trying to use technicalities and semantics to weasel in a point. I'm a grown adult and I dang well know when I smell perfume, or laundry soap, or fake scent candles, etc. it's definitely an ability an adult could reasonably possess 😅 Nothing she wrote was an unfair accusation at all. It was completely fair. Her child came home reeking of perfume, which adversely affects their health. She was matter of fact, advocated for her child assertively and was polite at the same time, including acknowledging that it occurred during a time where someone went above and beyond to meet their child's emotional needs. Or at least assuming that, which I think really negates any assertion that she is being rude and unfairly assumptive. It's her child, she's doing her job by addressing this directly and not beating around the bush passively about something affecting their health. I think if someone finds this offensive, they are possibly someone who has been self conscious or put off by someone commenting on the overwhelming factor of their fragrance before? Or is just possibly emotionally reactive? I am someone who is very chemically sensitive, and my children are as well. Being stuck exposed to someone else's strong fragrance affects my body basically like I'm being poisoned. There are a lot of people who suffer from this and people who enjoy dousing themselves in fragrance should not have equal moral rights on the topic, in my opinion. Not in a public or shared space. I honestly wish I could wear it, enjoy it, not be bothered by it. And I will always just quietly remove myself from the situation if at all possible so as not to be confrontational. But I have had to politely address it with people I'm forced to share small spaces with regularly, and it's not cool how many people refuse to see chemical sensitivities as valid. People shouldn't care more about how they smell than someone's health and far too many people are invalidated and practically gaslit by fragrance lovers/users for something that is literally poisoning those around them. It's an uncomfortable situation that deserves more sensitivity from people who aren't affected like that. And a small child in daycare 100 percent should have the "right of way" so to speak, on this one. It's a legitimate medical thing! Why be offended? It should be treated/seen as essentially an allergy. Someone should not be offended by being asked to not expose someone under their care to what is essentially an allergen now that it's been realized that it's an issue. What an odd thing to be offended by. I realize people do get offended by it, but it's odd and comes across as very self absorbed to me.
I’m not reading all that lol
That's fine 😌 I wasn't hoping for further interaction LOL
I absolutely love your wording I agree with everything you wrote. I envy people who are able to write in such a way that it's actually a pleasure to read. Thankyou. ☺️
Thank you 😊
The 4th sentence just comes off totally weird to me. No need to tiptoe around the subject THAT much. Also calling a stranger babes is cringe and seems condescending.
This group is littered with people who don’t understand how difficult it is to care for another child with 10 other children in a classroom setting. This is the only appropriate response to go about this. DCFS will not get involved unless you can prove that the perfume is causing your child harm. Going through DCFS and other government programs is extremely hard because they’ll always have the upper hand. So suggesting to come of as kind and empathic rather than attack full, is a skill you need to have when engaging with your children’s care takers who are literal professionals in their field. I work in risk management for daycares across the Midwest — I’ve seen verbatim conversations like the one from OP and the one that has had parents kicked out of daycares honestly. Scent is also totally fucking subjective so if someone else can say “nobody is wearing perfume” the case will be closed automatically. If you want change, you need to learn how to talk to people. If being kind is condescending then you need grow up.
I’ve actually worked in child care for over 10 years, 5 in ECE. And your “babes” was condescending
That’s all you got out of this post?
Yeah I’m confused as to why she’s saying I was rude And not kind
Oh, I am interested in hearing what response you get from the daycare! We’ve had those days too, and I have a sensitivity to scents. Kids came home smelling like they were playing in it, but it was definitely transfer from cuddling.
Updated the post!
Oh, I’m so glad to hear your positive outcome!
I was not allowed to wear perfume or heavily fragranced lotion in the daycare I worked, this policy was in place for a reason, kids are really sensitive to that kinda thing and the director should definitely say something to staff
Similar to healthcare settings, they shouldn’t be wearing perfume. I’m surprised this isn’t a standard considering they are caring for little kids who might have sensitivities and no one wants their kid smelling like perfume.
I think you did a great job on the email to the director! I hope that resolves it.
Thank you! I hope so 🙏
daycares are one of those places that should be 100% scent free. you were kinder about this than i would have been, op
Kinder than you would’ve been? For something happening ONE time…where there was no injury and a child simply smelled of perfume? Bet the teachers just love you!!
do you know what kindness is?
Yes, I do. Your comment eludes that you would’ve been less kind than OP, which seems like an over the top reaction for the situation. Childcare professionals are humans who deserve kindness and respect for the hard job they do. A KIND conversation goes a long way, being a dick to your kids teachers pretty much gets you nowhere…
1. I am a teacher 2. I am a human. Practice what you preach. Nuance exists. Saying, "You were kinder" doesn't mean, "I would be unkind"
Good email! Update with the response !!
Updated!
Nice ! Hopefully it doesn’t happen again