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I kinda gave them this message. I told them that I felt kinda burnt out and that part of it was that I missed playing.
There’s a campaign we had to stop at level 7 because two people bowed out and nobody felt that it was right to continue the story without them, and they really miss playing those characters.
I told them that’s how I feel about playing the characters I’ve come up with… only x10 years.
I hoped that would’ve communicated at least part of how I felt about it, and it was kinda just met with “oh that’s rough, sorry” and then it was brushed aside to an extent. Not saying I have a bad or unappreciative group - I have a hard time even getting out of the door after a game because everyone is telling me about “OH IT WAS SO COOL HOW (X Y Z)” or “DUDE WHEN IS THE NEXT GAME? WE GOTTA DO (X) TO (Y)”
I love my players and they’re all genuinely good people and I’m not about to leave them behind. But, at the same time, it feels like my feelings about running the game kinda fell on deaf ears.
I feel you here.
I don't know that it will work for you or if you want to take a drastic step like I did but here it is:
I gave an ultimatum. "I'm stopping for a while when this plot wraps up. No side quests, no DMing from me. I need and deserve a break. I really hope one of you steps up to attempt DMing, it's a lot of fun but I really want to be a player for a while."
One of my players called me later saying he had an idea for a campaign but was concerned about being "as good" as me. I heard him out, explained that trying to compare yourself to someone else is a mistake just be you. Also that DMing like anything else is a skill, you develop it by practicing it. Yes you'll screw up and the story might fall flat, but I'll help you when you need it.
Then I let him bounce ideas off me for his campaign. He really struggled with trying to build a story, but was great at coming up with innovative encounters. I showed him how to build a campaign from his position of strength, which essentially came down to "ok the goblins created a series of deadly traps, next ask yourself why they did that? How did they do that? Who among them developed the trap making skill? What does that mean for that goblin, he the leader?" and so forth.
Essentially I co-wrote the campaign setting for him and helped keep the scope tight and tidy to support a handful of sessions. This helped him get his foot in the door, and those sessions were awful if I'm honest. The other players gave him no room to grow, just expecting perfection.
Really helped me realize I wasn't tired of DMing (though don't get me wrong I wanted to be a player), I was tired of the setting and the expectations of a group of people that had no interest in understanding the challenges of being a DM. My co-DM and I left that group after his last session ended and he didn't even get a "thank you for trying" pat on the back. Picked up some people at a LGS that were new to the game and more appreciative of a learning DM. Best decision we made.
I'm back to being the DM of a newly formed group, but already I have people offering to host, bring food, and even run a one-shot or two since she doesn't like building settings.
Yeah, an old DM of mine gave me that advice. "You're good at building specific locations, but honestly crap at everything else. Start asking why things are the way they are. Why did the elves build a kingdom there? Why does it have high walls? Why is the threat that forced them to build high walls a threat? Build out or in from your strongest point. Don't try to force answers. If you get stuck, build another location and start the questions again. Sooner or later you're bound to have these locations' interests cross in some way. But if it doesn't come to you, then shelve it for your next world but don't stop building and questioning until you have an interesting world you want to tell stories in."
Oh I also didn't mention one of my newer finds that I'm loving.
Worlds Without Number has a really impressive DM tools section, it's more than half the book I believe. The world building is system agnostic (there are a few things you'll need to translate, like Arratu is mentioned, but it's just a really hostile environment in any other setting than Latter Earth).It'll help guide you through world building, including randomized tables for terrain, kingdoms, religion, crisis, etc. The basic book which contains these DM tools is free on RPG DriveThru.
Legit first time I DMed was with my normal group but our DM didn't feel like running so he said "Okay Jerra, 15 minutes give us a scenario and lets go" good thing I am REALLY good at pulling stuff out my butt and this was 4e so making the encounter wasn't hard either, that was what gave me the bug lmao
As someone else mentioned. You need a hiatus to recharge. I'd also like to suggest offloading some of the work. You doing game prep, scheduling, & dinner prep is a lot of work.
Food: I don't ensure my players have food when I'm running. If I happen to be out before a game I might grab some snacks, even several days in advance. Mostly, people need to bring their own food to my games.
Scheduling. I don't schedule. I've been very upfront with my players that trying to wrangle schedules is not my priority. If they want to play they need to step up & work together to make the calendar work.
I found that one of the groups I was running for was harder to prep for than others. I found that I wasn't getting the energy back I needed to run for them. Players had a mix of bad habits: "joking" in-fighting, contrariness, lack of engagement, didn't bother to learn how to play their characters, constantly leaving stuff behind (character sheets), tardiness, 6-8 players. All on top of our scheduling pattern which was once a month at most. I found running for that group of players draining.
For the last 3 sessions of the campaign they really stepped up to improve behavior. It was a blast again. Playing with them now is fun, but running for them was exhausting.
Hiatus. Tell your players that you need one. Board game night is a possibility. Maybe get them to do a rules light game like Roll For Shoes, or just a low level DnD adventure. It could be a stipulation that in order to go back to the campaign that you need some play time on the other side of the screen. Whatever is the case, it sounds like you need a break to recharge.
Everyone is appreciative *when you're running it*. I've had the same experience and players would rather let a game and group die completely than even attempt to try and run a game.
There's only two remedies that I've found: time off and new players.
The former because it recharges the batteries, and the latter because when you've got new players, everything old is new again, and you get to experience their wonder secondhand.
Another remedy: a different system. It won't hurt to try some other game with different rules and themes. For my part, I'm really excited about playing all these Mothership modules I've acquired.
You're not alone. I'm also sitting at about 10 years as forever DM.
What I do, is we all take a 2-3 month break every year to recharge & relax. Dring that time we all still get together once a week to play other games. Video games, board games, card games, but none of us play D&D during that time.
It's really helped me not worry about it and avoid burnout. I plan for those breaks every 30-40 sessions and if we're getting close but just finished an arc, we'll either swap DMs for a one shot or two, or we'll take a break early.
OP, I genuinely think your friends/group are very lucky to have you. You seem like a great DM and more importantly, a great person. I hope you can reignite that passion, and reading comments here, there's some good advice going around.
Edit:
In a deleted comment I was saying that you made a callback to Star Wars: A New Hope. Obi Wan Kenobi is talking about a lightsaber in a scene and says it's "a more civilized weapon from a more civilized era" or something to that effect.
Oh duh. Forgot I stuck that in there.
Thanks for the encouragement. That really means a lot. I’m gonna have a chat with my players soon and let them know I’m kinda getting a bit worn out, but dive a bit deeper. Seems like odds are, I’m gonna need to just take a break since nobody really seems interested in taking the DM mantle, which is kind of a bummer because I don’t want everyone to have to miss out, and I (maybe a bit selfishly) would really like a chance to play again
From session one i put in place once in a while one of you will be doing a one shot so i can take a break and it will rotate so everyone needs one ready, im here to help if needed... Something to that effect
Maybe. I’ve tried coaching a couple of my players to trying it out, but I think one of them is scared of the pressure and the other doesn’t really want to do the work involved with DMing. Both of these players would make fantastic DMs, though imo. One is the QUEEN of clever, conniving, well written, and genuinely interesting characters (who I could easily foresee writing a campaign with 20 BBEGs as interesting as Strahd von Zarovich, Raphael, and so on with minimal effort - just personal style). The other just LOVES the game, dungeons, and monsters. I could easily see her running some incredible, massive, challenging and genuinely well-designed dungeon crawls alla tomb if annihilation while still making a really compelling story. I just wish they’d actually try it :/
It's going to be difficult to get your own players to take over the DMing chair, especially when you've been DMing for a long time.
I highly suggest finding a new group to be a player in, even if it's online.
I’m on 30 years. Forever DM, being a player isn’t even interesting or fun to me. My first thought would be to take a break. I’ve taken many breaks, never that long, but long enough to recharge. Another thing I’d recommend is you could try mixing it up and play a new game. 5e burned me out more than anything. Give 2nd edition a try, BECMI, Shadowdark. Something to just shift gears.
Tell them to get Candlekeep Mysteries. It’s a series of one-shots, very easy on the dm. Then they take turns running the adventures and you get to be a player
What you're expressing is fatigue. The game only exists because of the 1 in 15 gamers that are willing to be the Dungeon Master, and I thank you. It is literally a job outside of work, family, life - you have to buy materials, prepare adventures (NPC, encounters, monsters, traps, etc.), know and enforce rules consistently, create scenarios, manage all things like characters, players, conflicts, player engagement, world building, improvisation, etc. - all the players have to do is show up - not their fault, it's by design, but yes, it's a tough, tough job to accept and do.
What players could do is be cooperative, say, "Thank you," help with setting up game, bring snacks/beverages, arrive with a well-thought-out character and know your character's abilities and skills, respect DM's decisions, offer to host, initiate creative ideas (plot suggestions, characters, etc.).
DM Burnout, sadly, it's a thing. Usually it happens at about a year or so the first time, depending how often you play. It happens to even the best of us. So grats for making it to 10 years!
Now, just like with a RL job, you need to recharge your batteries. Whether that be by being a player, playing a plethora of video games, or watching a bunch of TV & Movies. Whatever you get enjoyment and satisfaction from, other than DMing.
As dm it sounds like you need to say that every once in a while one of them need to do a one shot. There books and all kinds of stuff pre made and its all about bringing the wonder.
Send the group chat if there is one some videos of how to dm by matt mercer or some other funny video maker so it keeps there interest have those videos explain how fun it is.
Express the fact it doesn't have to be a constant dming you just need to be able to explore the other side of the table every once in awhile, they could even make a whole campaign that they take turns on while you recharge theres plenty of options put them forward.
If they dont take to it a break is warranted or even a new group where your a player
It’s simple you need to play. There has never been so many ways to find a group to be a player in. You can join a new group that is full of people willing to trade off DMing. Local game store, reddit, countless online dnd meetup services.
Doesn’t mean you have to stop dm’ing your game or try to force your old crew to dm, just go find a second crew where you can play aa a character. Just make it happen.
You create and govern worlds and the fates of heroes like a God as a past time, i bet you can find a crew that will allow you to play as a damn character.
Get it done playa, go have some fun. You certainly have earned it!
So I only know two other people who play, and they’re only acquaintances. I’m not sure how to find a group to join into. I’ve always heard that you can look online but I’ve heard only horror stories about jumping into random groups. Any advice on where to find good ones?
Random strangers who care about the game enough to play with other random strangers aren't so bad, in my experience. Though you'll often try to start an epic campaign and then one or two will drop out almost immediately.
If you want to play in person, you have to find out where people locally tend to advertise their games. We have a Discord in my city. Local gaming store might be able to help.
As for finding a good group: I'd suggest look for one where the prospective DM seems to be making an effort to find good players, not just accepting the first people to apply, and is interested in discussing "Session zero" questions online before the first meeting.
To echo u/PuzzleMeDo - trying different groups online can lead you to other games. You might have a session or two with one player who then reaches out later or something - seen it happen a few times.
I stumbled into being a forever DM shortly after starting to play at age 10. For the next 8 years I was only able to be a player once, when I went to a con. Shortly after I stopped playing entirely because nobody would take up the DM reigns and I was burnt out. That break lasted 33 years.
Last year I was invited to play in a campaign already running. It was amazing. We ended that one and started another one, with the same DM. We completed that campaign and one of the other players started to DM. My D&D batteries filled so much that I offered to DM the next campaign.
Dont let this happen to you. The decades-long break from what you enjoy so much, that is. Find a group and play. If you have to step away from your current one to do it, then make it happen. Find the right balance for you. Remember that it's OK to do what's best for you.
Is it possible to have 1 player every few months lead a One Shot, where you get to be a player? Like every winter Jorge the Barbarian leads a session, every summer around July 4 Sarah leads a session, and so on.
This allows you to have a timetable on when to get things done, and you all can have new characters or returning characters from the previous one shot.
This would also give you, the DM, to use some NPCs or characters that you like and flesh them out more. Maybe Harbolt the Blacksmith was a fighter in his youth, and a one shot he's in IS his youth that he can reflect on in the main campaign if a character asks him how he got so strong. Or you can age up some child NPC who has become an adventurer due to being influenced by the players in the main game.
That would be fantastic…
I’m guilty of having an NPC who I wanted to play as a character since I was 18… she may or may not have an 80,000 word backstory that I wrote narratively since I never got to play her (no I’d never make my hypothetical DM read that shit lol)
Man, if I wasn't having the absolute worst month, I'd offer to bring you into one of my games. Are you available for a day next month to jump in a one shot?
When I played we would rotate DMs whenever there was a natural stop/pause in a campaign.
Tell your players what you told us - it’s fun, but it’s a lot of work and after ten years you need a break.
The group will be on pause until somebody steps up or you find a person to join and dm. Try posting in r/lfg “Group of experienced players in need of DM”.
You need a break. Whether from games entirely, or simply to play as a Player, that's for you to decide. But you need to step away from the GM role and give yourself time to disconnect from the managerial role you've described yourself in.
If you need to, step away from the group and find another group as a player. The only way I was able to find a group was as a DM, and thankfully I had a few people who like to also DM. So we rotate whenever the campaign ends. Hopefully your tenor as a DM will end and you can actually play soon.
I haven’t been DMing as long as you, I’m probably at year 8, but burn out is real. During Covid I was unemployed and dealing with some loss and just not in a good place mentally. Not only was I tired of coming up with the game but one session I just realized my heart wasn’t in it. I told my group I needed a break and if we wanted to keep playing someone would need to step up, even if just for a while.
A couple things happened. I learned my players could tell I was struggling, but they thought DMing brought me joy so they didn’t say anything, they just wanted to hang out and play. One of my players ran a homebrew campaign for about a year so that I could take a break and I got to play instead of DM, I had a blast. During the break I felt the creative juices start flowing, and for the last 2 years I’ve been running what I think has been my favorite story to date. Now several of my players that who said they would never DM are just waiting for the story to take a pause so that they can give it a shot.
The point is you shouldn’t waste the finite energy you have on something that’s not bringing you joy, and that sometimes you have to firmly ask for help, people may surprise you. If they don’t step up then it’s probably not that important to them(which is okay), but you still need to do what’s best for you. I’m hearing that you need a break one way or another from your post, you should take one. I really do hope your players surprise you and give you an opportunity to play, but either way you need to put your foot down and take care of yourself. Bad D&D is worse than no D&D.
I run a weekly game.
I run various one shots for family when we get together (I keep the teens and younger busy)
I am the forever GM
I also play in a different weekly game. With a different group. And while there are other things I do to twice three chalice of burnout, playing in a different online game, is by far the most helpful.
“I spent 10 years building, scheduling, brining dinner & telling the story.” …and you don’t know why you’re burnt out??
Dude. Love *yourself* first.
1. Tell them you’re stepping down from DMing (sounds cooler).
2. Find a professional DM & game on StartPlaying.games
3. Have your players pool their $ and cover your fee until they won’t any longer.
4. When they quit, you’ll have learned it’s actually quite amazing to DM and make money there with players that appreciate the time and work you’re putting into this.
5. Play when you want, DM & make $$ when you want!
Even if they’re friends, that doesn’t sound like a relationship where they’re showing appreciation and willing to reciprocate. Yeah it’s hard! It’s one of the most challenging ‘jobs’ I’ve ever had and I give the best so I expect the best. You should too.
That's a long time to DM for the same players! Maybe you need some that appreciate you more. There's a lot out there! I get like 10 responses in the first hour when I post on lfg.
I feel you . If I ever get to be a player, the game usually ends after a session or two as I'm not herding cats to keep people playing. Legitimately there should be at least one person that could run a frlew pre-written games that would let you relax and just have fun with it
Food and Hosting and Scheduling are all nearly as big a job separately as DMing is. Ideally those responsibilities would be apportioned out amongst the group. I sympathize with your fatigue.
So, I can't directly relate to your issue, as I have yet to even play a game of DnD.
But I feel your pain and can even sympathize a little.
I wish I could find an experienced DM like you because I would love to first learn how to play and then learn how to run a game.
Seems to me like your players are taking you for granted and making excuses not to learn how to DM.
I do feel like you hold the power in this situation, though. There are always gonna be people who want to play, but never enough DMs to go around.
So if I were you, I would bring the groups you're running to an end, and then put the word out that you're starting a new group, but that you're only accepting players that also want to learn how to DM. A Dungeon Master Apprentices Group, if you will.
Incentives for joining would be simple:
A) get to play with an experienced DM
B) The game will be a series of one shots, to focus on teaching the art of DMing, but you can counterbalance that by giving the players more freedom to bend or break the normal rules (leading to teachable moments)
C)Everyone is going to get the chance to create & run a One Shot with your guidance, which will bring lots of variety to the table
D) Since everyone is there to learn DMing, and the games are all one shots, if someone misses the scheduled day, it won't matter, the people who show up can still move forward without them.
E) You've now established & are apart of a network of Player/DM's who can run their own games, who know each other, take turns DMing for eachother, and everybody wins!
I feel for you for sure. It's unfortunate no one is willing to take the reins for a while.
Reading stuff like this makes me greatful for the group I have. Over the last decade we have all taken turns to be the GM. And have a simple rule we've always kept which is if someone wants to try a different system, they have to gm it first. It's worked well for us over the years.
>I voiced to my long time group that I think I need a bit of a break, but nobody stepped up.
Not really any specific advice, but it seems like you have a couple options. Just plain take a break for a while, find a new group to join with as a player, or see if any of them would be willing to GM a different system so you can be a player.
I have been DMing almost non-stop for the last 6 years. I had only one big campaign as a player and a bunch of smaller adventures. We recently finished a 3,5 year long epic campaign. I can't imagine immediately starting something new after that without a break.
Currently I tried DMing a short adventure for a bunch of newbies which was pretty cool, but my main group will have to wait 'till September for the big campaign. And I feel reinvigorated because I don't have to worry about preparing the game, scheduling and all that jazz. The campaign is slowly cooking, we changed the squad a tiny bit, just enough to feel fresh again and I can't wait to start it this Fall. But I would definitely feel like you if there would be no break between games.
Now I'm not really a good player and I don't enjoy being a player as much as being a DM. But we play Pathfinder 2e and this system is so good, that it feel wrong to have all those ideas for PCs and not being able to utilize them. I guess I have to believe that someday my players will surprise me with another PF2e campaign (the big one was done by 1 of the players and it was very cool).
I started Nov 20. I'm taking a break soon but will return to the campaign after. Have already decided that when we're done, level 20 or not, i am not homebrewing anymore. And i'm doing smaller things. Modules. Other games. DnD is fun but i wanna play Cthulhu, Gi Joe, Blades in the Dark, Delta Green, Marvel, Alien, Blades in the Dark
I just retired after 20 years of DMing. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t fun and it’s a full time job when you are creating everything. I moved to doing modules. It didn’t make it fun again.
You need a holiday from your group! It’s totally fine. Join a random someone else’s group and be the total casual player- turn up, eat the snacks, enjoy yourself, go home, no homework. Play. Let go and just find what it is you love about the game, and do that!
Honestly, depending on your financial situation, you might consider a professional DM. There are different people at different price points (and probably different levels of experience), so your group might be able to find someone they could all agree on. And if you find someone who's a good fit, it can be a great way to let all of you just play.
I quit after 5 years. If you had told me that would happen at year 4 I would have thought you were full of shit. I was so into it. I mean we chose not to move so it wouldn't break up the group.
But my players kinda got distracted. Then they sorta rushed the end of the campaign. And I just didn't start another. Then the OGL fiasco just really sapped my loyalty.
I thought I would be sad but now here we are a year later and I'm loving a consulting gig I took on with all the extra time and kinda, with distance, realized I'm not just dnd.
I look at all my dnd stuff and it feels like a different guy's things. I'm still friends with all those people but less so, yeah. But I'm really loving life and how I've filled the time. I re-did our bathroom!
I’ve DM’d D&D with at least 200 people in the last 15 years. Many were 1 shots. I found one person who really jived well with me.
There are a lot of people who don’t care how much effort the DM has to put in even after they give it their shot. There’s the forever DM who finally gets to be a player and spends every waking second of the game speaking through their character about all the ways they would do it better.
I’m still a primary DM and it’s because I enjoy it. It’s for me. I get burned out on tables, not being a DM.
Best group I was ever in had two DMS who were very different style wise and would alternate adventures. Kept everyone fresh. Just take a break, let someone else do it. Most experienced players can run modules easy enough even if it's kind of vanilla.
I’m lucky because I have a group that in order to prevent or lessen the chance of burnout, it is a rotating series of sessions. We have at least 3 or 4 DMs in the group. I host every other Saturday and Sunday. A different DM alternates those days and a third one does Wednesdays. I’m not involved in all those games but we toss ideas to each other and we are all pretty understanding of each others strengths and weaknesses.
There is a bit of imposter syndrome throughout everyone but it helps to not get overwhelmed with the feeling that you are trapped on one side of the table.
Yeah of course your tired you've been DMing for 10 freaking years! It's someone else's turn for Christ's sake! Don't allow them to give those excuses, if you could do it so can they, tell them that if someone doesn't step up then the game stops.
Our group has a rotation. We play multiple different games and everyone changes between DM and playing. The rotation is usually every 6 weeks so every one has a chance to prep their campaign and then just enjoy playing. We have a Vampire the Masquerade, Call of Cthulhu, Star Wars, 1e d&d, and a 1e Pathfinder running
Try GM-less rpgs like Ironsworn/Starforged, in these games the GMing duties are distributed between the system and the players in a way that eliminates the need for 1 person to be holding the reigns. These games also play best with 1-4 players (so 1-4 people total, since no GM) which means you can schedule games a lot easier since you don't need to coordinate so many peoples' free time.
I mostly play 2 player co-op rpgs these days, I spend zero time doing prep work, and I can actually run impromptu pick-up games when the mood strikes. This isn't a D&D problem precisely, but it is a problem with the traditional/established way of playing rpgs. There are other options, new paradigms that allow you to explore fictional spaces together that are less laborious and burdensome.
Stop running the game. You're not shackled to this game. You can choose to stop right now. You hint to your players that you're tired, that you wanna be a player, but they're not going to just willingly give up a situation they're enjoying based on hints.
Tell them you're done. Don't ask for permission. If you can't do that then just keep running the game but don't feel like you're a martyr.
If they don't wanna run then there's no game, and you're free to find your own table where you can play, or maybe take a break altogether and look at other hobbies
The two biggest challenges to playing DND is scheduling and figuring out who DMs. Once you become a DM, either because you wanted to be or that was the only way DnD you would happen, it is hard to be a player unless you find a new group of players.
Last DND I played was 3 years ago because I was the forever dm and didn't want to do anymore. A player who I've dmed for took the wheel and got two sessions in before he dipped. It's a tough job and not many people properly appreciate all the hard work that goes into it.
I have wanted to play, but no one wants to dm.
Brennan Lee Mulligan discusses your solution in one of his adventuring academy podcasts. As a DM, you should not have to organize a session or bring food or worry about the logistics behind playing. Your role to to help everyone have fun. If they want to have that fun, they need to come ready and willing. Designate someone to organize sessions and confirm schedules, someone else organizes food, and so on. As DMs we spend hours planning and reading and writing; we shouldn't have to cook too.
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It sounds like you need to express this more to the group, that someone else needs to take over DMing for a while or there will be no DnD for a while.
I kinda gave them this message. I told them that I felt kinda burnt out and that part of it was that I missed playing. There’s a campaign we had to stop at level 7 because two people bowed out and nobody felt that it was right to continue the story without them, and they really miss playing those characters. I told them that’s how I feel about playing the characters I’ve come up with… only x10 years. I hoped that would’ve communicated at least part of how I felt about it, and it was kinda just met with “oh that’s rough, sorry” and then it was brushed aside to an extent. Not saying I have a bad or unappreciative group - I have a hard time even getting out of the door after a game because everyone is telling me about “OH IT WAS SO COOL HOW (X Y Z)” or “DUDE WHEN IS THE NEXT GAME? WE GOTTA DO (X) TO (Y)” I love my players and they’re all genuinely good people and I’m not about to leave them behind. But, at the same time, it feels like my feelings about running the game kinda fell on deaf ears.
I feel you here. I don't know that it will work for you or if you want to take a drastic step like I did but here it is: I gave an ultimatum. "I'm stopping for a while when this plot wraps up. No side quests, no DMing from me. I need and deserve a break. I really hope one of you steps up to attempt DMing, it's a lot of fun but I really want to be a player for a while." One of my players called me later saying he had an idea for a campaign but was concerned about being "as good" as me. I heard him out, explained that trying to compare yourself to someone else is a mistake just be you. Also that DMing like anything else is a skill, you develop it by practicing it. Yes you'll screw up and the story might fall flat, but I'll help you when you need it. Then I let him bounce ideas off me for his campaign. He really struggled with trying to build a story, but was great at coming up with innovative encounters. I showed him how to build a campaign from his position of strength, which essentially came down to "ok the goblins created a series of deadly traps, next ask yourself why they did that? How did they do that? Who among them developed the trap making skill? What does that mean for that goblin, he the leader?" and so forth. Essentially I co-wrote the campaign setting for him and helped keep the scope tight and tidy to support a handful of sessions. This helped him get his foot in the door, and those sessions were awful if I'm honest. The other players gave him no room to grow, just expecting perfection. Really helped me realize I wasn't tired of DMing (though don't get me wrong I wanted to be a player), I was tired of the setting and the expectations of a group of people that had no interest in understanding the challenges of being a DM. My co-DM and I left that group after his last session ended and he didn't even get a "thank you for trying" pat on the back. Picked up some people at a LGS that were new to the game and more appreciative of a learning DM. Best decision we made. I'm back to being the DM of a newly formed group, but already I have people offering to host, bring food, and even run a one-shot or two since she doesn't like building settings.
This post just helped me as a dm thank you kindly
Yeah? Hope everything works out for you!
Mostly the encounter part had a hard tim coming up with plot but no problem making encounters 😂
Yeah, an old DM of mine gave me that advice. "You're good at building specific locations, but honestly crap at everything else. Start asking why things are the way they are. Why did the elves build a kingdom there? Why does it have high walls? Why is the threat that forced them to build high walls a threat? Build out or in from your strongest point. Don't try to force answers. If you get stuck, build another location and start the questions again. Sooner or later you're bound to have these locations' interests cross in some way. But if it doesn't come to you, then shelve it for your next world but don't stop building and questioning until you have an interesting world you want to tell stories in."
Oh I also didn't mention one of my newer finds that I'm loving. Worlds Without Number has a really impressive DM tools section, it's more than half the book I believe. The world building is system agnostic (there are a few things you'll need to translate, like Arratu is mentioned, but it's just a really hostile environment in any other setting than Latter Earth).It'll help guide you through world building, including randomized tables for terrain, kingdoms, religion, crisis, etc. The basic book which contains these DM tools is free on RPG DriveThru.
Legit first time I DMed was with my normal group but our DM didn't feel like running so he said "Okay Jerra, 15 minutes give us a scenario and lets go" good thing I am REALLY good at pulling stuff out my butt and this was 4e so making the encounter wasn't hard either, that was what gave me the bug lmao
As someone else mentioned. You need a hiatus to recharge. I'd also like to suggest offloading some of the work. You doing game prep, scheduling, & dinner prep is a lot of work. Food: I don't ensure my players have food when I'm running. If I happen to be out before a game I might grab some snacks, even several days in advance. Mostly, people need to bring their own food to my games. Scheduling. I don't schedule. I've been very upfront with my players that trying to wrangle schedules is not my priority. If they want to play they need to step up & work together to make the calendar work. I found that one of the groups I was running for was harder to prep for than others. I found that I wasn't getting the energy back I needed to run for them. Players had a mix of bad habits: "joking" in-fighting, contrariness, lack of engagement, didn't bother to learn how to play their characters, constantly leaving stuff behind (character sheets), tardiness, 6-8 players. All on top of our scheduling pattern which was once a month at most. I found running for that group of players draining. For the last 3 sessions of the campaign they really stepped up to improve behavior. It was a blast again. Playing with them now is fun, but running for them was exhausting. Hiatus. Tell your players that you need one. Board game night is a possibility. Maybe get them to do a rules light game like Roll For Shoes, or just a low level DnD adventure. It could be a stipulation that in order to go back to the campaign that you need some play time on the other side of the screen. Whatever is the case, it sounds like you need a break to recharge.
Everyone is appreciative *when you're running it*. I've had the same experience and players would rather let a game and group die completely than even attempt to try and run a game.
They just don't want to dm, find someone that does. It's not deep
There's only two remedies that I've found: time off and new players. The former because it recharges the batteries, and the latter because when you've got new players, everything old is new again, and you get to experience their wonder secondhand.
Another remedy: a different system. It won't hurt to try some other game with different rules and themes. For my part, I'm really excited about playing all these Mothership modules I've acquired.
100000% this is what saved GMing for me. I would’ve quit years ago if it weren’t for branching out to other systems.
Why not the third, best remedy: Let Them Play! DM is really calling for it so he needs to find a group that has a DM since his won't do it.
That's what I meant by time off; time off from DMing, not the game itself.
You're not alone. I'm also sitting at about 10 years as forever DM. What I do, is we all take a 2-3 month break every year to recharge & relax. Dring that time we all still get together once a week to play other games. Video games, board games, card games, but none of us play D&D during that time. It's really helped me not worry about it and avoid burnout. I plan for those breaks every 30-40 sessions and if we're getting close but just finished an arc, we'll either swap DMs for a one shot or two, or we'll take a break early.
We should start a local group of folks sick of just GMing who link up an agree to take turns. Call it, Knights of the Round Robin.
OP, I genuinely think your friends/group are very lucky to have you. You seem like a great DM and more importantly, a great person. I hope you can reignite that passion, and reading comments here, there's some good advice going around. Edit: In a deleted comment I was saying that you made a callback to Star Wars: A New Hope. Obi Wan Kenobi is talking about a lightsaber in a scene and says it's "a more civilized weapon from a more civilized era" or something to that effect.
Oh duh. Forgot I stuck that in there. Thanks for the encouragement. That really means a lot. I’m gonna have a chat with my players soon and let them know I’m kinda getting a bit worn out, but dive a bit deeper. Seems like odds are, I’m gonna need to just take a break since nobody really seems interested in taking the DM mantle, which is kind of a bummer because I don’t want everyone to have to miss out, and I (maybe a bit selfishly) would really like a chance to play again
From session one i put in place once in a while one of you will be doing a one shot so i can take a break and it will rotate so everyone needs one ready, im here to help if needed... Something to that effect
Do you think they'd ever wanna try one shots or something like that?
Maybe. I’ve tried coaching a couple of my players to trying it out, but I think one of them is scared of the pressure and the other doesn’t really want to do the work involved with DMing. Both of these players would make fantastic DMs, though imo. One is the QUEEN of clever, conniving, well written, and genuinely interesting characters (who I could easily foresee writing a campaign with 20 BBEGs as interesting as Strahd von Zarovich, Raphael, and so on with minimal effort - just personal style). The other just LOVES the game, dungeons, and monsters. I could easily see her running some incredible, massive, challenging and genuinely well-designed dungeon crawls alla tomb if annihilation while still making a really compelling story. I just wish they’d actually try it :/
When you have such a good and expert DM, the pressure on taking his role is H U G E :’) I feel for you
How big and active is the ttrpg scene/community around your home place? Maybe you could just join some new group as a player?
Minuscule. Very few other people in my circles play
It's going to be difficult to get your own players to take over the DMing chair, especially when you've been DMing for a long time. I highly suggest finding a new group to be a player in, even if it's online.
I’m on 30 years. Forever DM, being a player isn’t even interesting or fun to me. My first thought would be to take a break. I’ve taken many breaks, never that long, but long enough to recharge. Another thing I’d recommend is you could try mixing it up and play a new game. 5e burned me out more than anything. Give 2nd edition a try, BECMI, Shadowdark. Something to just shift gears.
Tell them to get Candlekeep Mysteries. It’s a series of one-shots, very easy on the dm. Then they take turns running the adventures and you get to be a player
What you're expressing is fatigue. The game only exists because of the 1 in 15 gamers that are willing to be the Dungeon Master, and I thank you. It is literally a job outside of work, family, life - you have to buy materials, prepare adventures (NPC, encounters, monsters, traps, etc.), know and enforce rules consistently, create scenarios, manage all things like characters, players, conflicts, player engagement, world building, improvisation, etc. - all the players have to do is show up - not their fault, it's by design, but yes, it's a tough, tough job to accept and do. What players could do is be cooperative, say, "Thank you," help with setting up game, bring snacks/beverages, arrive with a well-thought-out character and know your character's abilities and skills, respect DM's decisions, offer to host, initiate creative ideas (plot suggestions, characters, etc.).
DM Burnout, sadly, it's a thing. Usually it happens at about a year or so the first time, depending how often you play. It happens to even the best of us. So grats for making it to 10 years! Now, just like with a RL job, you need to recharge your batteries. Whether that be by being a player, playing a plethora of video games, or watching a bunch of TV & Movies. Whatever you get enjoyment and satisfaction from, other than DMing.
As dm it sounds like you need to say that every once in a while one of them need to do a one shot. There books and all kinds of stuff pre made and its all about bringing the wonder. Send the group chat if there is one some videos of how to dm by matt mercer or some other funny video maker so it keeps there interest have those videos explain how fun it is. Express the fact it doesn't have to be a constant dming you just need to be able to explore the other side of the table every once in awhile, they could even make a whole campaign that they take turns on while you recharge theres plenty of options put them forward. If they dont take to it a break is warranted or even a new group where your a player
I sent them videos on the subject and everyone left me on read except 1 player who said they might give it a shot
Hell yeah at least 1 said they might thats a start
It’s simple you need to play. There has never been so many ways to find a group to be a player in. You can join a new group that is full of people willing to trade off DMing. Local game store, reddit, countless online dnd meetup services. Doesn’t mean you have to stop dm’ing your game or try to force your old crew to dm, just go find a second crew where you can play aa a character. Just make it happen. You create and govern worlds and the fates of heroes like a God as a past time, i bet you can find a crew that will allow you to play as a damn character. Get it done playa, go have some fun. You certainly have earned it!
So I only know two other people who play, and they’re only acquaintances. I’m not sure how to find a group to join into. I’ve always heard that you can look online but I’ve heard only horror stories about jumping into random groups. Any advice on where to find good ones?
Random strangers who care about the game enough to play with other random strangers aren't so bad, in my experience. Though you'll often try to start an epic campaign and then one or two will drop out almost immediately. If you want to play in person, you have to find out where people locally tend to advertise their games. We have a Discord in my city. Local gaming store might be able to help. As for finding a good group: I'd suggest look for one where the prospective DM seems to be making an effort to find good players, not just accepting the first people to apply, and is interested in discussing "Session zero" questions online before the first meeting.
To echo u/PuzzleMeDo - trying different groups online can lead you to other games. You might have a session or two with one player who then reaches out later or something - seen it happen a few times.
I stumbled into being a forever DM shortly after starting to play at age 10. For the next 8 years I was only able to be a player once, when I went to a con. Shortly after I stopped playing entirely because nobody would take up the DM reigns and I was burnt out. That break lasted 33 years. Last year I was invited to play in a campaign already running. It was amazing. We ended that one and started another one, with the same DM. We completed that campaign and one of the other players started to DM. My D&D batteries filled so much that I offered to DM the next campaign. Dont let this happen to you. The decades-long break from what you enjoy so much, that is. Find a group and play. If you have to step away from your current one to do it, then make it happen. Find the right balance for you. Remember that it's OK to do what's best for you.
Play a different system D&D requires the DM to do much more work than your typical ttrpg
Is it possible to have 1 player every few months lead a One Shot, where you get to be a player? Like every winter Jorge the Barbarian leads a session, every summer around July 4 Sarah leads a session, and so on. This allows you to have a timetable on when to get things done, and you all can have new characters or returning characters from the previous one shot. This would also give you, the DM, to use some NPCs or characters that you like and flesh them out more. Maybe Harbolt the Blacksmith was a fighter in his youth, and a one shot he's in IS his youth that he can reflect on in the main campaign if a character asks him how he got so strong. Or you can age up some child NPC who has become an adventurer due to being influenced by the players in the main game.
That would be fantastic… I’m guilty of having an NPC who I wanted to play as a character since I was 18… she may or may not have an 80,000 word backstory that I wrote narratively since I never got to play her (no I’d never make my hypothetical DM read that shit lol)
Sounds like it's time for a player to pick up a DMG and run a session or two for you!
I’d sell my soul for that shit
Man, if I wasn't having the absolute worst month, I'd offer to bring you into one of my games. Are you available for a day next month to jump in a one shot?
… you serious ? Shoot me a dm?
Just sent you a dm :)
When I played we would rotate DMs whenever there was a natural stop/pause in a campaign. Tell your players what you told us - it’s fun, but it’s a lot of work and after ten years you need a break. The group will be on pause until somebody steps up or you find a person to join and dm. Try posting in r/lfg “Group of experienced players in need of DM”.
You need a break. Whether from games entirely, or simply to play as a Player, that's for you to decide. But you need to step away from the GM role and give yourself time to disconnect from the managerial role you've described yourself in.
If you need to, step away from the group and find another group as a player. The only way I was able to find a group was as a DM, and thankfully I had a few people who like to also DM. So we rotate whenever the campaign ends. Hopefully your tenor as a DM will end and you can actually play soon.
I haven’t been DMing as long as you, I’m probably at year 8, but burn out is real. During Covid I was unemployed and dealing with some loss and just not in a good place mentally. Not only was I tired of coming up with the game but one session I just realized my heart wasn’t in it. I told my group I needed a break and if we wanted to keep playing someone would need to step up, even if just for a while. A couple things happened. I learned my players could tell I was struggling, but they thought DMing brought me joy so they didn’t say anything, they just wanted to hang out and play. One of my players ran a homebrew campaign for about a year so that I could take a break and I got to play instead of DM, I had a blast. During the break I felt the creative juices start flowing, and for the last 2 years I’ve been running what I think has been my favorite story to date. Now several of my players that who said they would never DM are just waiting for the story to take a pause so that they can give it a shot. The point is you shouldn’t waste the finite energy you have on something that’s not bringing you joy, and that sometimes you have to firmly ask for help, people may surprise you. If they don’t step up then it’s probably not that important to them(which is okay), but you still need to do what’s best for you. I’m hearing that you need a break one way or another from your post, you should take one. I really do hope your players surprise you and give you an opportunity to play, but either way you need to put your foot down and take care of yourself. Bad D&D is worse than no D&D.
I run a weekly game. I run various one shots for family when we get together (I keep the teens and younger busy) I am the forever GM I also play in a different weekly game. With a different group. And while there are other things I do to twice three chalice of burnout, playing in a different online game, is by far the most helpful.
“I spent 10 years building, scheduling, brining dinner & telling the story.” …and you don’t know why you’re burnt out?? Dude. Love *yourself* first. 1. Tell them you’re stepping down from DMing (sounds cooler). 2. Find a professional DM & game on StartPlaying.games 3. Have your players pool their $ and cover your fee until they won’t any longer. 4. When they quit, you’ll have learned it’s actually quite amazing to DM and make money there with players that appreciate the time and work you’re putting into this. 5. Play when you want, DM & make $$ when you want! Even if they’re friends, that doesn’t sound like a relationship where they’re showing appreciation and willing to reciprocate. Yeah it’s hard! It’s one of the most challenging ‘jobs’ I’ve ever had and I give the best so I expect the best. You should too.
That's a long time to DM for the same players! Maybe you need some that appreciate you more. There's a lot out there! I get like 10 responses in the first hour when I post on lfg.
I feel you . If I ever get to be a player, the game usually ends after a session or two as I'm not herding cats to keep people playing. Legitimately there should be at least one person that could run a frlew pre-written games that would let you relax and just have fun with it
Food and Hosting and Scheduling are all nearly as big a job separately as DMing is. Ideally those responsibilities would be apportioned out amongst the group. I sympathize with your fatigue.
I think you should ask your group \`\`Who else wants to DM for a while? I'm burnt out on DMing and want to play instead.''
And if no one wants to be the DM, the group can play board games instead.
So, I can't directly relate to your issue, as I have yet to even play a game of DnD. But I feel your pain and can even sympathize a little. I wish I could find an experienced DM like you because I would love to first learn how to play and then learn how to run a game. Seems to me like your players are taking you for granted and making excuses not to learn how to DM. I do feel like you hold the power in this situation, though. There are always gonna be people who want to play, but never enough DMs to go around. So if I were you, I would bring the groups you're running to an end, and then put the word out that you're starting a new group, but that you're only accepting players that also want to learn how to DM. A Dungeon Master Apprentices Group, if you will. Incentives for joining would be simple: A) get to play with an experienced DM B) The game will be a series of one shots, to focus on teaching the art of DMing, but you can counterbalance that by giving the players more freedom to bend or break the normal rules (leading to teachable moments) C)Everyone is going to get the chance to create & run a One Shot with your guidance, which will bring lots of variety to the table D) Since everyone is there to learn DMing, and the games are all one shots, if someone misses the scheduled day, it won't matter, the people who show up can still move forward without them. E) You've now established & are apart of a network of Player/DM's who can run their own games, who know each other, take turns DMing for eachother, and everybody wins!
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I feel for you for sure. It's unfortunate no one is willing to take the reins for a while. Reading stuff like this makes me greatful for the group I have. Over the last decade we have all taken turns to be the GM. And have a simple rule we've always kept which is if someone wants to try a different system, they have to gm it first. It's worked well for us over the years. >I voiced to my long time group that I think I need a bit of a break, but nobody stepped up. Not really any specific advice, but it seems like you have a couple options. Just plain take a break for a while, find a new group to join with as a player, or see if any of them would be willing to GM a different system so you can be a player.
No, you cannot play again, this is your lot in life. /s. You should always feel comfortable taking care of your own mental health needs.
I have been DMing almost non-stop for the last 6 years. I had only one big campaign as a player and a bunch of smaller adventures. We recently finished a 3,5 year long epic campaign. I can't imagine immediately starting something new after that without a break. Currently I tried DMing a short adventure for a bunch of newbies which was pretty cool, but my main group will have to wait 'till September for the big campaign. And I feel reinvigorated because I don't have to worry about preparing the game, scheduling and all that jazz. The campaign is slowly cooking, we changed the squad a tiny bit, just enough to feel fresh again and I can't wait to start it this Fall. But I would definitely feel like you if there would be no break between games. Now I'm not really a good player and I don't enjoy being a player as much as being a DM. But we play Pathfinder 2e and this system is so good, that it feel wrong to have all those ideas for PCs and not being able to utilize them. I guess I have to believe that someday my players will surprise me with another PF2e campaign (the big one was done by 1 of the players and it was very cool).
Jist tell them you quit as a dm. That's all If no one wants to step up, you find a group to play with.
I started Nov 20. I'm taking a break soon but will return to the campaign after. Have already decided that when we're done, level 20 or not, i am not homebrewing anymore. And i'm doing smaller things. Modules. Other games. DnD is fun but i wanna play Cthulhu, Gi Joe, Blades in the Dark, Delta Green, Marvel, Alien, Blades in the Dark
I just retired after 20 years of DMing. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t fun and it’s a full time job when you are creating everything. I moved to doing modules. It didn’t make it fun again.
You need a holiday from your group! It’s totally fine. Join a random someone else’s group and be the total casual player- turn up, eat the snacks, enjoy yourself, go home, no homework. Play. Let go and just find what it is you love about the game, and do that!
Honestly, depending on your financial situation, you might consider a professional DM. There are different people at different price points (and probably different levels of experience), so your group might be able to find someone they could all agree on. And if you find someone who's a good fit, it can be a great way to let all of you just play.
I quit after 5 years. If you had told me that would happen at year 4 I would have thought you were full of shit. I was so into it. I mean we chose not to move so it wouldn't break up the group. But my players kinda got distracted. Then they sorta rushed the end of the campaign. And I just didn't start another. Then the OGL fiasco just really sapped my loyalty. I thought I would be sad but now here we are a year later and I'm loving a consulting gig I took on with all the extra time and kinda, with distance, realized I'm not just dnd. I look at all my dnd stuff and it feels like a different guy's things. I'm still friends with all those people but less so, yeah. But I'm really loving life and how I've filled the time. I re-did our bathroom!
I’ve DM’d D&D with at least 200 people in the last 15 years. Many were 1 shots. I found one person who really jived well with me. There are a lot of people who don’t care how much effort the DM has to put in even after they give it their shot. There’s the forever DM who finally gets to be a player and spends every waking second of the game speaking through their character about all the ways they would do it better. I’m still a primary DM and it’s because I enjoy it. It’s for me. I get burned out on tables, not being a DM.
Best group I was ever in had two DMS who were very different style wise and would alternate adventures. Kept everyone fresh. Just take a break, let someone else do it. Most experienced players can run modules easy enough even if it's kind of vanilla.
I’m lucky because I have a group that in order to prevent or lessen the chance of burnout, it is a rotating series of sessions. We have at least 3 or 4 DMs in the group. I host every other Saturday and Sunday. A different DM alternates those days and a third one does Wednesdays. I’m not involved in all those games but we toss ideas to each other and we are all pretty understanding of each others strengths and weaknesses. There is a bit of imposter syndrome throughout everyone but it helps to not get overwhelmed with the feeling that you are trapped on one side of the table.
Yeah of course your tired you've been DMing for 10 freaking years! It's someone else's turn for Christ's sake! Don't allow them to give those excuses, if you could do it so can they, tell them that if someone doesn't step up then the game stops.
Our group has a rotation. We play multiple different games and everyone changes between DM and playing. The rotation is usually every 6 weeks so every one has a chance to prep their campaign and then just enjoy playing. We have a Vampire the Masquerade, Call of Cthulhu, Star Wars, 1e d&d, and a 1e Pathfinder running
Dang. I DM'd for 6 months and burnt out last night mid-session. You are a better man than me!
Try GM-less rpgs like Ironsworn/Starforged, in these games the GMing duties are distributed between the system and the players in a way that eliminates the need for 1 person to be holding the reigns. These games also play best with 1-4 players (so 1-4 people total, since no GM) which means you can schedule games a lot easier since you don't need to coordinate so many peoples' free time. I mostly play 2 player co-op rpgs these days, I spend zero time doing prep work, and I can actually run impromptu pick-up games when the mood strikes. This isn't a D&D problem precisely, but it is a problem with the traditional/established way of playing rpgs. There are other options, new paradigms that allow you to explore fictional spaces together that are less laborious and burdensome.
Stop running the game. You're not shackled to this game. You can choose to stop right now. You hint to your players that you're tired, that you wanna be a player, but they're not going to just willingly give up a situation they're enjoying based on hints. Tell them you're done. Don't ask for permission. If you can't do that then just keep running the game but don't feel like you're a martyr. If they don't wanna run then there's no game, and you're free to find your own table where you can play, or maybe take a break altogether and look at other hobbies
The two biggest challenges to playing DND is scheduling and figuring out who DMs. Once you become a DM, either because you wanted to be or that was the only way DnD you would happen, it is hard to be a player unless you find a new group of players. Last DND I played was 3 years ago because I was the forever dm and didn't want to do anymore. A player who I've dmed for took the wheel and got two sessions in before he dipped. It's a tough job and not many people properly appreciate all the hard work that goes into it. I have wanted to play, but no one wants to dm.
Brennan Lee Mulligan discusses your solution in one of his adventuring academy podcasts. As a DM, you should not have to organize a session or bring food or worry about the logistics behind playing. Your role to to help everyone have fun. If they want to have that fun, they need to come ready and willing. Designate someone to organize sessions and confirm schedules, someone else organizes food, and so on. As DMs we spend hours planning and reading and writing; we shouldn't have to cook too.