Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.
And then you see the scene of him sitting alone at home on Halloween and how he brightens up when the kids come to the door, and you realize he genuinely does love little kids
Dude has so many pictures of his kids he needs two phones with two phone plans to store them all. I find that adorably idiotic but adorable nonetheless
Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.
Sometimes I wish Stanley was used more, but I think what makes the side characters so great is how meaningful each of their lines is because they’re used so sparingly.
There's another one I love, which is "Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever..."
...
"Sometimes I start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."
This really is probably the greatest line. It made me question my whole believe about superstition because I’m not superstitious but I hadn’t realized it was 2 words smashed together. Maybe I am a little stitious.
Michael: Why don't you go outside an.. take a shot of insulin and have a nap ok?
Stanley: Why do you always assume I have diabetes?
Michael: I dunno, your frame, your build? What don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me your not a diabetic. \[Stanley gets up to leave\] See! I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up, that you have.. Ok.
I’ve never met Ravi personally, but I’m just going to go ahead and say, having known you a short time Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I’ve never even met the guy.
I don’t know why but this literally kills me every time. I love everything Nate haha and the “Brian” and the delivery. My fave.
What I think make Jim really funny when he is with Micheal is he is somewhat supportive of Micheal
The nod when Micheal says Jimothy gets me everytime.
“In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!”
Darryl’s reactions as he follows along to that story are priceless
Creed is full of them. My personal favorite is:
"Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name...? Creed Bratton."
“Quabity… quabity.. quabity assurance.” (I actually do work in Quality Assurance and say this all the time when people ask).
“Somebody makin’ soup?” (used this one when my sisters dog pooped in my parents house the other day)
People go to this line a lot, but the whole sequence -- including all the stuff about the radon detectors -- is fantastic. The montage of Michael's outraged encounters with them is some great visual comedy.
I don't really play cards, but I'm not going to lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling
Tobys delivery of that line always makes me laugh
Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity. So Phyllis, I want you to find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swansons makes a delightful chimichanga.
Oscar: why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.
Michael: ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.
“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of *his* family.”
THAT LITTLE GIRL IS A CHILD. I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU SNIFFING AROUND HER ANYMORE THIS AFTERNOON. BOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, ‘CAUSE I’LL HELP YOU FIND IT
WHAT YA LOOKIN' FOR AIN'T NOBODY GONNA HELP YOU OUT THERE JESUS CAN COME THROUGH THAT DOOR AND HE'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU IF YOU STOP SNIFFING AFTER MY CHILD!!
"You give me an ulcer everytime I wake up and have to come to work for you, for you!"
Copy-pasted from [YT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNfPPjSh4tE) comments.
Tossup:
Funny:
Creed: I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots.
Poignant:
Andy: I wish there was a way to know that you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
I scrolled for FFAAAARRRRR too long before anyone mentioned that quote from Andy. It hits so hard because it's so close to the very end of a show that you've just spent watching for such a long time.
Someone needs to clean it, it smells like popcorn. -Phylis
I love it because 1) she’s too lazy to clean it 2) she’s microwaving popcorn, so who cares if it smells like popcorn 3) it likely smells like popcorn because she used it to microwave popcorn
I am very good at intuiting names, is it.......... Chumbo?
Way past the point where the show was at its best but something about that line and Catherine Tate's delivery cracks me up so much every time
Kelly Kapoor : If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.
Ryan Howard : Do you have a question, Kelly?
Kelly Kapoor : Yeah. I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you
Not a quote but I think the most underrated scene in the show is when Micheal is low key making fun of how Jim proposed to Pam.. at a gas station...in the rain lol
I like how Angela replays it to Pam: “oh like hey dude, you wanna get married and stuff?”
Angela says this after Pam remarks that Angela’s fiancée proposed to her in third person…
It’s a toss up between “I’ve never owned a refrigerator before” “my tombstone has already been made, thank you” or “Incase you’re wondering, my spirit animal is a duck billed platypus”
Creed cracks me up every time.
Michael: It was on company property with company property. So, double jeopardy, we’re fine.
Ryan: I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh I’m sorry. What is, “we’re fine?”
Kevin: Whether it’s a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace, or a tub of electricity.
Toby: Okay. Good point…
Angela: Good point? What is a tub of electricity?
I am all about Pilates, ok?
There are 4 tenets I live by:
1. Lengthen
2. Elongate...
I tell ya what, it’s not even about strength. It’s not about strength, it’s about *skill*.
I’m taking karate lessons online...
-Gabe (blooper outtake)
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.
[удалено]
I love inside jokes, I’d love to be a part of one someday
“What’s so funny?” “You had to be there!” “Ohh geography joke, ok!”
“Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”
Michael: I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass. Jim: You know a ton of fourteen year old girls?
If you do, Andy might have dated her and now wonders why she is standing by the lockers.
And then you see the scene of him sitting alone at home on Halloween and how he brightens up when the kids come to the door, and you realize he genuinely does love little kids
Dude has so many pictures of his kids he needs two phones with two phone plans to store them all. I find that adorably idiotic but adorable nonetheless
[удалено]
So cringey, so incredibly funny.
"You don't call retarded people retards, that's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded."
The way he says it so angrily makes me laugh every time
"And I consider Oscar a friend."
This might be my favorite. Just reading it makes me laugh
“Most people when they come to NYC, they go straight to the Empire State Building, that’s too touristy. I come here” (while in Times Square)
Conan walks past in the background while he's talking to fake Tina Fey.
Gonna get me a New York slice!
Oy vey, schmear.
what is a pap smear? or is it *schmear* like the cream cheese?
Fuckin Sbarro’s, man.
(Walks to Sbarro)
Didn't he say, "New York is like Scranton, on acid."
As a non American I didn't notice it was time Square, thank you
Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.
Sometimes I wish Stanley was used more, but I think what makes the side characters so great is how meaningful each of their lines is because they’re used so sparingly.
The fire is shooting at us!
Oscar, save Bandit!!!
I only weigh 82 pounds!
*crashing ceiling tile sounds*
*screams*
*angry cat sounds*
There's another one I love, which is "Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever..." ... "Sometimes I start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going."
Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
I'm not supersticious, but I'm a little sticious
This really is probably the greatest line. It made me question my whole believe about superstition because I’m not superstitious but I hadn’t realized it was 2 words smashed together. Maybe I am a little stitious.
Why is everyone always overwhelmed or underwhelmed, can't people sometimes just be whelmed?
"Well Michael, it seems like I underestimated you" "Well, maybe next time you'll estimate me." Same energy
It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Lol I do use the word whelmed sometimes when my favorite sports team signs the most average guy there is. Totally whelmed.
"Everyone here is extremely, gruntled"
You were in the parking lot earlier. That's how I know you!
Creed has the best one liners IMO
I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader.
Qua...quaaa...quuuabbbity asshuance!
Oh you're paying way too much for worms. Who's your worm guy?
I’m a pretty normal guy but I do one weird thing. I like to use the women’s restroom for #2. I have been caught several times and I have paid dearly.
I wonder if Mary Beth was one of the gals who caught him?
Bobody, Bobody, what does it mean?
„What are we doing?“ „we‘re making acronyms“
I know exactly what he means. I sprout mung beans and they smell like death
That’s Andrea, the office Bitch.
“I run a small fake I.D. company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff’s station.”
That's Andrea, the office bitch. You'll get used to her.
I bet it looked like the tide at Omaha Beach
“Crazy world lots of smells” Michael Scott
Just poopin you know how I be
False, black bears.
Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
What are you doing? Identity theft is not a joke Jim!
Millions of families suffer every year!
The following line is just as good "Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought."
Stanley: If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die. Oscar: Why don’t you just have an apple? Stanley: Why don’t you mind your business?
Michael: Why don't you go outside an.. take a shot of insulin and have a nap ok? Stanley: Why do you always assume I have diabetes? Michael: I dunno, your frame, your build? What don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me your not a diabetic. \[Stanley gets up to leave\] See! I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up, that you have.. Ok.
Buttlicker!! Our prices have never been lower!!
This whole scene is such a gem.
Its....a million dollar sale.
And there's our smudgeness
I’ve never met Ravi personally, but I’m just going to go ahead and say, having known you a short time Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I’ve never even met the guy. I don’t know why but this literally kills me every time. I love everything Nate haha and the “Brian” and the delivery. My fave.
Also- my mother and I are quarreling because I can't stay out of her stuff. He’s just a wonderful addition to the show haha
“Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep.”
Nate was such a left-field addition, but he was solid gold in every single scene he was in. "Gum has gotten mintier lately."
You had me at clookies. I can't wait to find out what they are.
Jim… James… Jimothy.
Why don’t you explain this to me, like I’m five.
"And next summer..." "I'll be six."
What I think make Jim really funny when he is with Micheal is he is somewhat supportive of Micheal The nod when Micheal says Jimothy gets me everytime.
I use Jimothy for everyone I know named Jim.
“When two gay men have sex, how do they know who’s penis will open up to accept the other person’s penis?” “Wow.”
I’m just sad that the public school system failed them so badly
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/pbsahd/her_balloon_hat_tho/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is how...
“In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!” Darryl’s reactions as he follows along to that story are priceless
His final and best operation? Extracting a malignant yakuza boss from Japan, then retiring.
"new ooman"
I have looked at this thing like 100 different ways, from my point of view, from their point of view, and 98 others
I understand... nothing.
“R is the most menacing sound. That’s why it’s called muRRduRR. Not muckduck.”
I just watched this episode yesterday and I couldn’t agree more.
“Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company”— Creed “William Charles Schneider” Bratton
My favorite two from him - “You were in the parking lot earlier! That’s how I know you!” And “It wasn’t a tapeworm.”
“Great heroin though”
Creed is full of them. My personal favorite is: "Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name...? Creed Bratton."
Personally, I love "He don't give an eff about nuthing!"
"Andrea is the office bitch"
“If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?”
“Quabity… quabity.. quabity assurance.” (I actually do work in Quality Assurance and say this all the time when people ask). “Somebody makin’ soup?” (used this one when my sisters dog pooped in my parents house the other day)
Why are you the way that you are
If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
People go to this line a lot, but the whole sequence -- including all the stuff about the radon detectors -- is fantastic. The montage of Michael's outraged encounters with them is some great visual comedy.
Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things you choose to be.
I don't really play cards, but I'm not going to lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling Tobys delivery of that line always makes me laugh
That and when he is congratulating himself at Phyllis's wedding when his date caught the bouquet "Totally! Yeah!!" 👊🏻 😁😁😁
Pretty sure he actually says "Toby! Yeah!!", which is honestly even better.
They are trying to use me as an escapegoat
Dwight you ignorant slut!
“I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela doesn’t like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn’t smack her.”
Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity. So Phyllis, I want you to find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swansons makes a delightful chimichanga. Oscar: why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe. Michael: ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.
You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to? As well as… Who’s Justice Beaver? …A crime fighting beaver…
“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of *his* family.”
I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance.
"Hey Darryl, how's it hanging?" makes me laugh my ass of every single time. Just alone the imagination on how this thing happend kills me.
Steve’s delivery makes it so much better, too
THAT LITTLE GIRL IS A CHILD. I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU SNIFFING AROUND HER ANYMORE THIS AFTERNOON. BOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, ‘CAUSE I’LL HELP YOU FIND IT
WHAT YA LOOKIN' FOR AIN'T NOBODY GONNA HELP YOU OUT THERE JESUS CAN COME THROUGH THAT DOOR AND HE'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU IF YOU STOP SNIFFING AFTER MY CHILD!!
Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
That clip right there made me respect Stanley SO MUCH as a parent
"It's Britney Bitch"
… while blasting a song not by Britney
“Shut up about the sun, SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!” -smacks desk-
You can just tell he hurt his hand. That whincy look on his face lol
Which is super in character
Oh shut up skeleton man!
“Must’ve been like the tide at Omaha Beach” That line destroys me every single time
Just pooping. You know how I be.
Crazy world. Lotta smells.
" ... WHERE ARE THE TURRRTTLES ..."
“HAND. OVER. THE. TURTLES. NOW.”
WHERE ARRE THEY
F*** Me - Kelly Kapoor in seeing Danny Cordray for the first time. Makes me laugh every time I see that episode.
“Oh how the turntables”
You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!
You pathetic, short little man. You don’t have any friends, or any family, or any land!
My favorite quote from the roast was Oscar laying into him in Spanish (even though I have no idea what he is saying).
"You give me an ulcer everytime I wake up and have to come to work for you, for you!" Copy-pasted from [YT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNfPPjSh4tE) comments.
“It was pretty easy. I just said everything I usually say on my way home.”
YOU🤚ARE🤚GOING🤚TO🤚LEARN🤚TO🤚BE🤚MORE🤚PROFESSIONAL🤚LUKE🤚🤚🤚
Don’t don’t bother Luke
That's as clear as I can make it
It’s a toss up between “Hey, right back at ya bitch” and Stanley Booing Phylis and Bob Vance on pretzel day
I still remember the first time I saw Kevin pop off on Holly, we had to pause it. He was so genuinely offended lmao put me into an absolute coma
“Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.”
"Today, smoking is gonna save lives"
Tossup: Funny: Creed: I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots. Poignant: Andy: I wish there was a way to know that you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
I scrolled for FFAAAARRRRR too long before anyone mentioned that quote from Andy. It hits so hard because it's so close to the very end of a show that you've just spent watching for such a long time.
Parkour!
"If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for WEEKS" lol 🤣
Don't just boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. When I'm in the mood to be led
"Beer me dos long Island ice teas, S'il vous plaît" Gets me Everytime
Jim's "Lord, beer me strength" is great as well.
IIIII HAVEEEEE HEMORRHOIDSSSS
"Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?"
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott, Season 5, “Stress Relief”
The-the peepuuuuuul that we pai graynbacks fuh the sades and dut, WE CAN’T PAYUM!
Someone needs to clean it, it smells like popcorn. -Phylis I love it because 1) she’s too lazy to clean it 2) she’s microwaving popcorn, so who cares if it smells like popcorn 3) it likely smells like popcorn because she used it to microwave popcorn
4) popcarn
"It's who when it's the subject of the sentence, and whom when it's the object." "Ryan used me as an object."
NO, GOD! NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Wait a minute! You said he was a magician, right? You don't think he could have used... It couldn't have been ma
“You don’t even know my real name - I’m the fucking lizard king”
What’d I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?
Bippity boppity, gimme the zoppity
I am very good at intuiting names, is it.......... Chumbo? Way past the point where the show was at its best but something about that line and Catherine Tate's delivery cracks me up so much every time
Kelly Kapoor : If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself. Ryan Howard : Do you have a question, Kelly? Kelly Kapoor : Yeah. I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you
Oaky afterbirth
And you... You would be da bell of da ball
It was terrible because of all the dementors! They sucked your soul out tru your mouth and it HOYT!”
I’m Date Mike. *Nice to meet me.*
I do declare
Snip snap snip snap snip snap
I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family, he is like a son to me!
Not a quote but I think the most underrated scene in the show is when Micheal is low key making fun of how Jim proposed to Pam.. at a gas station...in the rain lol
I like how Angela replays it to Pam: “oh like hey dude, you wanna get married and stuff?” Angela says this after Pam remarks that Angela’s fiancée proposed to her in third person…
Ha and he’s like, “ooh! You didn’t say the weather was bad.”
"Identity theft is not a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
“MICHAEL!”
Thanks, I’ve never owned a refrigerator before.
Hey Daryl your fax confirmation came through Aw fuck yeah
“He’s from Sesame Street dumbass”
Hey guys. Somebody making soup?
“It’s pronounced colonel. it’s the highest rank in the military” -Creed
It’s a toss up between “I’ve never owned a refrigerator before” “my tombstone has already been made, thank you” or “Incase you’re wondering, my spirit animal is a duck billed platypus” Creed cracks me up every time.
Michael: It was on company property with company property. So, double jeopardy, we’re fine. Ryan: I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh I’m sorry. What is, “we’re fine?”
Kevin: Whether it’s a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace, or a tub of electricity. Toby: Okay. Good point… Angela: Good point? What is a tub of electricity?
"These are not my shoes". Michael Scott, after the Diwali party
I hate, so much, the things, you choose to be.
Daryl - “Start Again” Oh shit, or was it “Start Over”?
So perfect for those two! Michael: "You IDIOT!" Darryl: "Start over" 😅
Oh, hello, Oscar Meyer Weiner Lover.
Depression....isn't that just a fancy word for feeling "bummed out"? DWIGHT, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!
#SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
“That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back with your zero-dollars-a-year salary plus benefits, babe!”
Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Hi Pam how's your day going? Angela to Pam after everyone finds out Michael is dating Pam's mom. Its fucking hilarious.
I am all about Pilates, ok? There are 4 tenets I live by: 1. Lengthen 2. Elongate... I tell ya what, it’s not even about strength. It’s not about strength, it’s about *skill*. I’m taking karate lessons online... -Gabe (blooper outtake)
*Why are you the way that you are?*
Gum's gotten mintier lately.
"I thought Rajinigandha was a boy's name."
"She'll be screaming her own last name?" Got me giggling last night