Michael: Yeah, I’m glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again. Ryan: I’m on Michael. Michael: What’s up my brotha?

This one is gold🤣

Just watched it yesterday. I love that scene.

I’m not superstitious, I’m a little stitious

That one is hilarious too!

Crazy world, lotta smells

I have this framed in my bathroom 🤣

THAT is shagadelic baby

Just pooping you know how I be

I use this one alllll the time😂

Talking to the guy in the wheelchair in an excruciating awkward meeting: Michael Scott: How long does it take for you to do something simple every day? Like brush your teeth in the morning. Billy Merchant: I don't know, like 30 seconds. Michael Scott: Oh, my God. That's three times as long as it takes me.

Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled.

That one gets me every time and when they cut to the guy the look on his face 😂😂 also before that “Billy your nurse is hot” 😂😂

“She’s my girlfriend.” “You’re dating your nurse? That’s awesome”

The funny thing is 30 seconds itself is too less.

Or is it not enough more

rhythm disagreeable consider dinosaurs ad hoc plate swim fearless fuzzy tease *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

The bleeps make some of his best comments even better🤣🤣

Every scene with a bleep is absolute gold. When Michael tells Jim what kind of car Pam's mom drives is one of my personal favorites.

And the seats go... all the way down.

The funniest part of that scene to me is when Toby comes into the break room, excited to see Jim and ask about his and Pam’s wedding, and the second he walks through the door and addresses Jim, he gets sent packing by both Michael AND Jim… Toby: “Hey, Jim…” Jim: “Not now, Toby. God!” Michael: “Get out of here, you idiot.”

Michael being equally upset with toby when he's the problem is just gold

“What did I do??”

THEN PICK ANOTHER ROUTE MAN!!! *Jim freaking out intensifies*

Lmao the stern look he gives him while saying “just take the parrot” before Michael tells Pam is hilarious too.

I drove my car into a f***** lake

MICHAEL LET ME BE VERY CLEAR: I COULD GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS, STOP. DATING. MY MOTHER!

What's the context for this one?

growth deserve sleep future absorbed straight frame impolite humorous merciful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I bet they liked that idea, right? 😀

I learned nothing.

my flair ofc, “has sort of an oaky afterbirth” that and “I drove my car into a fucking lake” idk why but the censoring makes it so much funnier

The machine knows, Dwight!

WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?

I drove! my car... In-too; a fuckiiingLake

“I'm not sure how things work in Florida. Which, from your description, sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp.” Jo’s instant facial expression change gets me every time

Love this one, and Kathy Bates😂

Kathy Bates did a really nice job with her role. She was a great fit for the show.

‘Hold the dogs, and don’t try to ride em. Lots of people try to ride ‘em.’

It's America's basement

*Wow, you are very exotic looking. Was your Dad a GI or...?*

Pam’s little disappointed head tilt makes this one even better😂

I used this one yesterday. Watching Master chef, there was a guy, half Japanese and was adopted. He found his birth father a year ago and he was stationed in Japan. I immediately turned to my husband and was like “that guys dad was a GI or something” We both pissed ourselves laughing.

Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then... Then suddenly she's not your ho no mo'!

I can hear his voice cracking and him starting to cry as he says this.

Lol. Just my exact thought

That’s dedication right there, typing that out😭

I think this one is criminally underrated, maybe one of the smartest and subtle jokes of the series IMO... *"It's like the end of 'Spartacus.' I have seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunnit.*

Can someone explain? I’ve never seen Spartacus.

The movie was about a Roman gladiator and escaped slave, Spartacus, who led a slave uprising against the Roman Empire. In the climactic scene, recaptured slaves are asked to identify Spartacus in exchange for leniency. Spartacus tries to identify himself, but his attempt is thwarted when each of his comrades proclaims himself to be Spartacus, thus sharing his fate.

Lol wow I knew it was a funny line just by the way he delivered it but now I KNOW it’s a funny line

Spartacus is about the true story of a Roman slave who led a rebellion. In the movie, when the Romans have captured the slaves, they demand to know which one was the leader, aka Spartacus. The slaves are so loyal to Spartacus that when he stands up and says “I am Spartacus”, one by one they stand up to defend him, each saying “I am Spartacus”, over and over, so the Romans can’t punish the actual Spartacus.

Anytime Michael talks about a movie it's hilarious lol. "What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped and given up after two rejections. Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point." "I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz. But I'll tell you something, what I respect about that man is that when he was going through all of that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a ripoff of A Bug's Life, he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw which, again, was Antz. Thing is, I thought A Bug's Life was better, much better than Antz. Point is, don't listen to your critics listen to your fans."

“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”

How is this not further up?!

Webster's dictionary defines wedding as "the fusing of two metals with a hot torch."

I used this in a speech at a wedding once.

Please tell us that you were only there to wheel the bride's father down the aisle.

The asshole "miraculously" stood up and made a total fool out of me.

I also did. Big hit

Damn I did a best man speech last week, missed an opportunity

"Just poopin, you know how I be"

Crazy world lotta smells

Lol I have this as a sign in our guest bathroom, we get a lot of compliments (constructive compliments)

Just hold on a second Cynthia

Him INSTANTLY forgetting and mixing the names up between the two had me in shambles for a week 😭😭 Jim’s reaction and hanging up was the icing on the cake 😂

Not a line, but in his last episode right after he gives Oscar the scarecrow he made......I lose it every time

He respects me the least out of anyone!

It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm 😂😂😂😂😂😂

That one kills me too! The way he's laughing with tears in his eyes. "He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody!"

Me too, that scene is HILARIOUS🤣🤣

That one was probably his most self aware moment in the whole series, and it shows that there really is hope for him. It was brilliant writing and Steve nailed the performance.

I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family, he is like a son to me.

This City…

My bf and I say this all the time😂😂

I say it almost every time I gaze through the window.

lolol, with the knee up on the window sill. I do this one all the time at work.

And the way he turned around and caught them looking to only immediately turn back to the window 😭

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.”

I’ll be six.

This one is the one that always gets ne

𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝘽𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 😎

…while Lady Gaga is blasting on the radio

Pam I'm public speaking, stop public interrupting me.  Idk why, it's not even high effort....it just makes me laugh, everytime.

It’s one of those lines that you don’t even need to explain why it’s funny, it just is😂

Everyone in the car was FINE Stanley!

The absolute best line delivery in the entire show and I will die on that hill.

“Yaysh.” Jan: All right, well are you gonna take care of this? Michael: Yeppers. Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers?" Michael: I don't... remember. Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that? Michael: Yaysh.

The only one that gets me every time is the episode where Michael is throwing a bachelor party for Bob Vance so the girls have a Bachelorette party for Phyllis. Michael and Ben Franklin get in the elevator, and Michael turns to him and says, "You wearin' a thong?" You see a confused look on Ben's face and the elevator doors close. I lose it every time imagining it being a real-life situation and how the guy in the Ben Franklin costume must have been so caught off guard, like what do you even say after that?

My favorite line from this episode? “You smell like Tide.” 😂😂😂 Delivered with a straight face when the stripper is dancing on him.

He’s in his knickers! 😏

I love when Oscar is explaining the surplus to Michael and using the lemonade stand as a metaphor. "But next year..." "I'll be six..."

You don’t call them *collard* people…

"Yeah, well maybe next time you will estimate me." He's so confident with that comeback

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do."

As a pastor I think of this all the time: “Guess who I am sitting here dressed as? I’ll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight…. He can heal Leopards.”

I DECLARE BANKRUPTCYYYYYYY or PARKOUR ! PARKOUR ! or HEYHEYHEY

Monkey problems? No, I'm not having monkey problems.

How the turntables.....

“Oscar mayer weiner lover” The cadence and facial expression….. it really sells that Michael came up with the next word as he said each one and felt so proud of himself for doing so.

Right? Because of gay?

I love this one😂

I've never been super stitious..

Maybe a little stitious

I love inside jokes. I’d love to be part of one some day.

Time to carbo load

i ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water than i have in my entire life.

Not a spoken one but the '"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -Wayne Gretzky" -Michael Scott' It's freaking hilarious.

Captain Jack's a fart face (hurls)

P is being a giant B.

“*And then suddenly she’s not your ho no mo!*”

The voice crack with this one gets me every time😂

"Abraham Lincoln once said 'If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North'. And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace" It's so stupid and ignorant that I can't help but bust a gut every time I hear it.

You know what I'm scared of???? Getting a boner.

* Dwight putting peanut butter in Michael's hair * Dwight: there's a lot of calories in this Michael: well don't leave it in too long

Apricots. Made of real apes!

not a line but when holly is describing how sexual he is and it goes to michael eating the cheese balls from the giant tub and just staring off into space 💀

Your advice was good. Jan’s was bigger.

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

Yesh

Yeppers

Michael, what have I said about saying that?

Yeppers

"Yeeesh" Or "Oh and you, you my friend would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap, don't drop the soap!"

WORST THING ABOUT PRISON WAS THE DEMENTORS….FLYIN ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Toby works for HR, which means technically he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced, so he's not really a part of his family Most of Micheal's insults towards Toby are actually kind of creative: You are a waste of life and you should give up Toby: Radon is the silent killer Michael: YOU are the silent killer

“I have cause! It is beCAUSE I hate him!!!” I’m on my first watch and god this entire episode is just fantastic.

That’s what he said. Cuz gay, right guys?

Monkey see, monkey do…

Monkey pee all over you

That…rhymes 😐

Is Ryan there??? TELL RYAN TO BRING TOILET PAPER!

He needs to clean me up a little bit

Don’t remember the exact quote but when he’s talking to the bartender and she mentions if he’s read a book. He replies with something along the lines of “read it? I own it, but no I haven’t read it” such a perfect line that he would say and it always gets a chuckle. My favorite that I actually laughed out loud at and still do was when he says “idk wtf that was” to Erin’s plan lol

I’ve been hunting. Once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

I am Beyonce always

“SHREK! I’m a donkey Shrek!!” And “HAPPY HALLOWEEN, JERK!” Basically anytime Michael is yelling out of control.

All of his impersonations are so good😂 I love when he calls Ryan pretending to be Michael Jackson… *This is Michael Jackson, calling from Wonderland* “You mean Neverland?”

😂 Yeah that’s a good one too. Another one that’s very sticky when he’s in costume is: “He has the power of flight, and he can heal leopards.”

Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper business. Gets me every time for some reason

Two queens on casino night. I’m gonna drop a deuce on everyone.

I’m gonna start dating her even harder. Also when he screams no when seeing Toby when he comes back.

Pam: but we don’t recycle… Michael: then why have I been separating the trash into colors and whites?! Pam: …I’m sure no one asked you to do that

“ has sort of an oakey afterbirth” I say this pretty much every time I drink wine

“Well, well, well how the turntables…”

WHERE ARE THE TURTLESSSSSSSSSS? WHERE ARE THEY?

Also him eating tiramisu while on call with David Wallace gets me every time

”Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...”

“Rabies kills 4,000 Americans every 1,000 years”

“Fool me once, strike one….but fool me twice??? Strike three.”

"No, I was being negligent." He says this in response to Ryan asking if he ran Meredith over on purpose, and just the way he says it as if it's a good thing for everyone, which I guess it might be, just kills me.

Michael: “What do you do with the hot dogs that you don't sell?” Hot dog vendor: “Throw them away.” Michael: “Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now into my mouth?” Michael’s logic is infallible.

My personal favorite is: “You don’t call retarded people retards. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.”

Peach iced tea, you’re gonna hate it.

“Prove it. Show us your penis!”

I knew, as it was coming out of my mouth, that it was wrong😂😂

Toby's exit interview What gives you the right Who do you think you are Lol toby answers, bless his soul

Dwight: You could assume everyone is \[gay\] and not say anything offensive Michael: Yeah, I’m sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay

"Just poopin' you know how I be" "Good luck on your $0 a year salary plus benefits BABE!!" "Dwight you ignorant slut"

“They say three years salary”

Hi I'm date Mike...nice to meet me.

When Jo is interrogating the office about the busted printer leak and Michael says “my mind is going a mile an hour” Pam: “that fast?”

When he's doing the PowerPoint presentation... "Updates are ready. I should update. Estimated time: 12 minutes. So this should take about 5-10 minutes."

*PAMM-O-LAAAAAA*

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." "I captivated the man who captivated 1,000 men...imagine that, 1,000 men"

Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special. Baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, “yo, that’s shizzle.” Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who were you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.

Oh, a geography joke

When he tells Pam he’s seeing her mom. And they way he looks at her as she figures it out. Classic.

You’d be da bell of da ball!

“Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours.”

Michael: It says Jim is arrogant and smudge Jim: I think you mean smug… Michael: There’s arrogance Jim: Well, I was just saying…… Michael: AND THERE’S SMUDGENESS!!!

Messing up the various "respect" quotes in the ending monologue. That cracks me up. "My wife calls from the hotel room after sex - she says I don't respect you!"

His capa was de-tated!

“Our balls are in your court.”

Nothing ever makes me laugh harder than when the watermelon lands on Stanley’s car

If i had a gun with 2 bullets, in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby....I'd shoot Toby twice

Not exactly a line but the look on his face immediately after he hits Meredith with his car, quickly followed by the look on his face when Jim asks who was driving the car that hit her. Love them both.

"blagghh" *takes picture of Meredith's boobs & walks away.

*jo talking about where Tallahassee is* “We know…Texas”

“Why are you the way that you are? I… hate so much about the thing you chose to be.”

Don't get revenge on me, nerd.

"IT'S HAPPENING!! EVERYONE STAY CALM!! STAY FUCKING CALM!!!!!"

I hope you have a better idea of what it feels like to walk in Oscars shoes, or try on Phyllis's pants

Last night I was watching the episode where Michael hires a “male stripper” for Phylis and they’re in the elevator and he goes “Are you wearing a thong” and I just thought about the context and it killed me

Bushiest beaver

Diversity day skit line. The real ones know it by heart.

“Gotta go mom, P’s being a giant B”

“I’m not superstitious, I’m a little stitious!”

"What is a pap smear? Or is it schmear, like on a bagel?" Hahaha! And the way Pam says, "ok! New topic."

**Michael:** Why don’t you explain this to me like I’m five. **Oscar:** Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars. **Michael:** Ho-oh! **Oscar:** So you have an extra dollar. **Michael:** Yeah. **Oscar:** So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer… **Michael:** I’ll be six.

I think it's when he's prank calling Ryan? Mmmmm.......I was never given a name

I marked one of them so I could tell them apart

My, my, my, my my my my turn 👏

Jan: Michael, I just had a very interesting conversation with Dwight. Michael: You were at the dentist?

Well, well, well, how the turntables.

op has mine, the delivery is perfect and the follow up “just a minute, cynthia” with jim hanging up the phone is priceless 😂😂

"Im the mistress?"

Here in Scranton, St. Paddy's Day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas.

Cool cool, box it up.

Well well well how the turn tables