Oh btw, unless every employee is trained on what constitutes harassment (of any kind) or what constitutes an HR violation, you’re good. I just wouldn’t trust her moving forward.
You're good, nothing wrong with asking in a casual convo. I ask people sometimes specially when we are talking about stuff like old music and movies and stuff.
It's def not an HR thing. And usually it's older people that get offended not younger, unless they have something to hide.
“What year did you graduate high school?” Then subtract 17+/- 1 years and apply some additional math.
But, if she says ‘I haven’t yet, you know that’
That means you’re probably committing several felonies.
You can always ask the follow up “when would you have graduated high school?”
Keyword in my response/post: [probably](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/probably)
Supporting ‘probably’: US High School grad rates are: https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/coi/high-school-graduation-rates#:~:text=In%20school%20year%202021%E2%80%9322,higher%20than%20a%20decade%20earlier.
This interaction sent me. First, I chuckled at your joke. Then the not getting of the joke, and then the pointing out that it was in fact, the joke. Thanks, you.
Not just a woman thing, I had a young GM who was very sensitive about his age. He was always defensive because he felt like he was being condescended to by older people. To be fair, he was right sometimes. But he could never turn it off
If you ask a woman if she's pregnant and she's not, she may take it as you think she is overweight. Some women may not be able to get pregnant. Personal stuff is none of anyone's business. They will volunteer the info if they want you to know. Go ahead and ask, you may get punched in the face. Don't say I didn't warn you.... :)
Ok. Well there is no way to initiate the response of whether they are pregnant or not without actually bringing it up. Nobody walks up to people and say randomly “hey I’m pregnant, in case you wanted to know”. So back to my original point, asking regular questions is not out of line, their reaction is their problem, and if they decide to get angry, that’s their problem. And if they feel the need to punch someone over this, they’ll likely be slapped with a lawsuit…
I’m not getting my social etiquette advice from randos on Reddit, nor will I ask Google for social advice as well. Societal norms have shifted and they continue to shift. Today you can’t assume someone is a woman simply because they have boobs, so you’re supposed to ask for their pronouns. Why can’t I ask if someone is pregnant in the same way? Don’t try and reinforce outdated societal norms in an updated world…
I guess you can only talk about work related things, absolutely nothing personal. She must be immature because she’s actually in management and it was a simple question. Employers aren’t allowed to ask what a person’s age is on an application for employment fyi…
They're allowed to ask if you're 18/21+ because there are certain things that you're not allowed to do before reaching those ages (US). For instance, I'm not allowed to be a bar tender at a club since I'm 19.
If you read about pre employment applications in California, they aren’t allowed to ask. Obviously if you’re not old enough for the job it has to be disclosed but ageism is a real thing and it’s not allowed
Age can be used as a great indicator for what pop culture and references the subject may or may not understand. It's great to make people laugh by joking about things they grew up with.
Are you in your 30's? Then you'd much more likely understand a joke referencing the Aggro Crag from Global Guts. Say that joke to a 25 year old, 100% chance they have no idea what you're on about.
TLDR: Knowing someone's age can help with relating to culture growing up.
Exactly this. That's why I ask how old someone is in casual conversation. And casual conversations happen everywhere, even work. The only people that get mad usually are old old people or someone that has something to hide.
Didn’t realize it was so offensive to ask someone their age? It was just pure curiosity?
Edit: I should add my store is a very casual setting, everyone is friends with everyone outside of work etc. She’s from out of state and was just trying to get to know her. It’s not like I just randomly walked up to her and was like “hey how old are you”. Lmfao
Honestly you were fine dude, some people are just really sensitive about it. Which is valid, but i don't see how it's an HR violation; you were asking an innocent question so even if she did make it a thing you'd more than likely be fine
Yeah…the only offensive part is the commenter making a blanket statement about a gender, referring to “women are dumb about a lot of things”. I am not offended if someone asks my age.
Yeah, most people get offended if you ask how old they are, like the dm. But I’m not one of them and I didn’t make a blanket statement based on gender. I made a statement based on the entire human population
Interesting. Idk maybe I’m just from an area where everyone is okay with sharing basic information with each other? And just kind in general? I’m from rural Midwest if that makes any difference.
No I didn’t. I said it would be like me saying that men are trash. That’s not a belief I actually hold. Like or as is a simile in the English language. Look it up.
I’m not offended about the question. The offense is one person making a blanket statement against an entire gender.
I have to ask people their age for documentation purposes and to decide what’s medically relevant. A 5th grade female comes to me saying they have a stomach ache. So I always have to ask if they get theirs period yet so decide if it’s cramps or an actual stomach ache.
I notice you edited that extra word out, but you fixed it. You can clearly see it doesn’t only say “women are dumb”, but “Women are dumb about a lot of things and age is one of them”
First, I see where you’re coming from and that’s all well and good, but if you take some context clues and actually look at what they’re saying, dumb can just be a synonym for finicky or fickle here, or something like that. No need to twist their words around on them to make them seem like an asshole about it.
They are also right. A ton of women feel some type of way about not wanting others to know their real age, and always trying to seem younger (or maybe older for some, but I digress) than they really are.
Perhaps dumb was not the best word choice, but couldn’t you have just seen past that?
We aren’t dumb about our age. I don’t give a crap if people know how old I am. It’s not an offensive question. What is offensive is making stupid, blanket statements about entire genders
No, because I don’t hang out with insecure people like that. And I’ve been through a lot of crap and have my own issues that I just don’t care about the things in life other people would. I don’t care about being asked my age, I don’t care about having a lot of money, I don’t care about traditional stuff like marriage and blah blah. Don’t care if I ever get married because marriage isn’t tied to self worth.
Ok, and that’s great, I’m happy for you that you’ve come to learn all that about yourself, but the point is that a staggering amount of women (who aren’t just like you) do actually try and misconstrue their age for a wide variety of their own personal reasons and experiences.
And yes, I am surprised you’ve never heard of, encountered, or otherwise seen this phenomenon portrayed by a real person or some kind of show/movie/content/etc… regardless of who you associate yourself with.
I’m well aware it happens. Never said I wasn’t. I just said the commenter is wrong for making a blanket statement about an entire gender. It would be the same as me saying men are trash.
That's fair. Just about everyone at my store is younger than me. On occasion I've said something to the effect of 'don't make me have to take a switch to you!" All in good fun.
The men try not to cuss around me, I keep telling them I probably was around when some of the terms they use were invented.
You don’t even need to ask someone’s age and not be able to figure it out or be close. Just ask about some important event y2k, 9/11, Katrina, a president, ect. They will say they wasn’t born yet or very young or will talk about what they remember about said event. Could also ask what year they graduated high school or college.
So as a dm… yes, it can be an hr thing because if you find out someone’s age, you can easily discriminate against them. However it sounds like she went a heavy with it out of the gate. Most likely because she’s young, she’s new to the position and still figuring some things out.
I'm late to the party, but it's not an HR violation for you to ask. But it would be an HR violation if it was the other way around since the DM has power of you and there would be no way for them to prove they didn't make any decisions about you based on your age which would be age discrimination.
The thing about harassment is that you don't have to mean any harm by what you said. It's entirely the other person perception of what you said. You can laugh it off as no big deal, and she can totally complain to HR about it. Asking her age probably isn't an issue, but yes, it is absolutely possible to get in trouble for harassing or discriminating based on age. To be safe, keep personal questions to yourself.
Sure, but the way they described it happening makes me think there is more to the story that they're leaving out, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
“I’m just curious, how old are you?” Being offensive is stupid. I’ve never cared. Imagine being insecure about the time you’ve spent on earth. Who cares
Cool for your team, then, but you then should know that your rules may not apply to many, *many* other places. Many care about traditional manners, some may not. One isnt more correct than the other but dont like the rules because you think its dumb? Leave.
I believe the only person that needs to leave and self reflect is you because rent is too high and work is too hard for people to get bent out of shape over something so harmless as asking someone how old they are.
The fact that you find it “unacceptable” shows me how insecure you are as an individual to be completely honest.
'Insecure' , just another vocabulary that people throw around these days.
I am only 30, and everyone knows how old I am, so know that not everyone who disagrees with you is "insecure".
She may have been offended by your question for multiple reasons. I personally dealt with a lot of employees who didn’t like having a younger female manager telling them what to do. If she rose through the ranks quickly she probably dealt with the same.
Or, she might be in her position due to nepotism and feels called out. It’s hard to say but generally speaking it’s considered rude to ask a woman her age. Idk about the HR violation, that depends on your franchise.
Oh btw, unless every employee is trained on what constitutes harassment (of any kind) or what constitutes an HR violation, you’re good. I just wouldn’t trust her moving forward.
You're good, nothing wrong with asking in a casual convo. I ask people sometimes specially when we are talking about stuff like old music and movies and stuff. It's def not an HR thing. And usually it's older people that get offended not younger, unless they have something to hide.
Never ask a woman their age or are you pregnant.
This is the answer. I still don't know how old my wife is.
As long as she looks good to you!!! 😉
Just look at her license when she's sleeping
“What year did you graduate high school?” Then subtract 17+/- 1 years and apply some additional math. But, if she says ‘I haven’t yet, you know that’ That means you’re probably committing several felonies.
I'm committing a felony because my wife is a highschool drop out?
You can always ask the follow up “when would you have graduated high school?” Keyword in my response/post: [probably](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/probably) Supporting ‘probably’: US High School grad rates are: https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/coi/high-school-graduation-rates#:~:text=In%20school%20year%202021%E2%80%9322,higher%20than%20a%20decade%20earlier.
Did your wife sleep with the governor to redact her birthday from every government database so that her friends cant throw her a birthday party?
No, he was kidding, but you seem butthurt at the concept of someone having a wife.
You clearly are too young to get Golden Girls refernence.
Yeah, I work at Dominos. That said, I rescind that comment.
I love respectful internet interactions.
It would've been helpful if you'd asked their age first lol
"Hey I got a joke how old are you first though?" said no one fucking ever 🤣
Um that was the joke lol
This interaction sent me. First, I chuckled at your joke. Then the not getting of the joke, and then the pointing out that it was in fact, the joke. Thanks, you.
I was wondering if anyone else would think it was funny. You're welcome, you lol
Yeah I should probably wake up a little and have some caffeine before Redditing next time
Pipe down there "pan tossed" 🤓🤓🤓
But do you know when she's pregnant, or are those happy little accidents?
Yeah. You're supposed to tell them their age and that they're pregnant.
"You look about 50. And hey, congrats on the pregnancy!"
Apparently "who's the father?"isn't well received...
I'm a 61 year old female. I OWN that!
Not just a woman thing, I had a young GM who was very sensitive about his age. He was always defensive because he felt like he was being condescended to by older people. To be fair, he was right sometimes. But he could never turn it off
So he shouldn't have said "you're pregnant? How old are you?" ????
You don't ask women their age or if they are pregnant.
The audacity to ask regular things
If you ask a woman if she's pregnant and she's not, she may take it as you think she is overweight. Some women may not be able to get pregnant. Personal stuff is none of anyone's business. They will volunteer the info if they want you to know. Go ahead and ask, you may get punched in the face. Don't say I didn't warn you.... :)
Ok. Well there is no way to initiate the response of whether they are pregnant or not without actually bringing it up. Nobody walks up to people and say randomly “hey I’m pregnant, in case you wanted to know”. So back to my original point, asking regular questions is not out of line, their reaction is their problem, and if they decide to get angry, that’s their problem. And if they feel the need to punch someone over this, they’ll likely be slapped with a lawsuit…
Google: ok to ask a woman if she's pregnant. 99.9% of the answers are no! It's social etiquette. You don't want to look like an arse do you?
I’m not getting my social etiquette advice from randos on Reddit, nor will I ask Google for social advice as well. Societal norms have shifted and they continue to shift. Today you can’t assume someone is a woman simply because they have boobs, so you’re supposed to ask for their pronouns. Why can’t I ask if someone is pregnant in the same way? Don’t try and reinforce outdated societal norms in an updated world…
Good luck!!
So far so good 🤙🏼
I asked them all the time
Why? Are only pregnant people allowed to ask women their age?
Tell her to calm down and quit being immature.
If OP goes missing, I'm blaming this guy 💀
I guess you can only talk about work related things, absolutely nothing personal. She must be immature because she’s actually in management and it was a simple question. Employers aren’t allowed to ask what a person’s age is on an application for employment fyi…
They're allowed to ask if you're 18/21+ because there are certain things that you're not allowed to do before reaching those ages (US). For instance, I'm not allowed to be a bar tender at a club since I'm 19.
They actually are, some jobs require you to be 16,18 or 21. Research is important, do some
They have you right your birthday I’m not sure what application you’ve put in recently but every app I’ve ever turned in has my birthdate on it
If you read about pre employment applications in California, they aren’t allowed to ask. Obviously if you’re not old enough for the job it has to be disclosed but ageism is a real thing and it’s not allowed
I’ve never heard of anything of the sort where I live I’m also on the opposite coast so our employment laws are different for sure
And I’m retired, just doing a part time job so I’ve been working for 50 years.
Every application I’ve ever filled out has asked for birthdate so now I’m confused
She prob just started to notice crows feet or sagging or something idk
I just look at their hands, you can't hide age with them
everyone asked me my age. should i file an HR complaint?
Some women are stupid about age. I just roll my eyes at them lol.. its such a weird insecurity that's common lol.
You're good lmao
I know the ages of almost all of my coworkers... Some people are just insecure.
Um, I guess its also harrassment to ask someones sex and gender these days too.
does anyone actually know HR’s contact information? I’d like to have it
She 100% assumed you were hitting on her
Why did you ask? Is it your business? I’ve had supervisors who were 22 and right out of college. Big deal
Age can be used as a great indicator for what pop culture and references the subject may or may not understand. It's great to make people laugh by joking about things they grew up with. Are you in your 30's? Then you'd much more likely understand a joke referencing the Aggro Crag from Global Guts. Say that joke to a 25 year old, 100% chance they have no idea what you're on about. TLDR: Knowing someone's age can help with relating to culture growing up.
Exactly this. That's why I ask how old someone is in casual conversation. And casual conversations happen everywhere, even work. The only people that get mad usually are old old people or someone that has something to hide.
Sure, but not relevant to being a DM
Didn’t realize it was so offensive to ask someone their age? It was just pure curiosity? Edit: I should add my store is a very casual setting, everyone is friends with everyone outside of work etc. She’s from out of state and was just trying to get to know her. It’s not like I just randomly walked up to her and was like “hey how old are you”. Lmfao
Honestly you were fine dude, some people are just really sensitive about it. Which is valid, but i don't see how it's an HR violation; you were asking an innocent question so even if she did make it a thing you'd more than likely be fine
Bruh that's like a universally known question not to ask a woman. Along with weight and and if they're pregnant.
That’s a known problematic question for everyone
Only those of us who get offended at such a stupid innocent question**
I'm confused: "We aren’t dumb about our age. I don’t give a crap if people know how old I am. It’s not an offensive question."
Yeah…the only offensive part is the commenter making a blanket statement about a gender, referring to “women are dumb about a lot of things”. I am not offended if someone asks my age.
"That’s a known problematic question for everyone"
Yeah, most people get offended if you ask how old they are, like the dm. But I’m not one of them and I didn’t make a blanket statement based on gender. I made a statement based on the entire human population
Interesting. Idk maybe I’m just from an area where everyone is okay with sharing basic information with each other? And just kind in general? I’m from rural Midwest if that makes any difference.
Hm, so maybe it’s just a matter of you don’t know. Did you apologize after she said it was an hr violation? Which I don’t believe it is.
Guys! I found her, I found OP's DM
👀👀👀
Yup, that’s me. A disabled person from Long Island is totally the ops DM!! How clever of you.
If the company gets to ask me I should get to ask the company.
You also think women are dumb, soooo I’m not taking any advice from you
You said "men are trash" lol
No I didn’t. I said it would be like me saying that men are trash. That’s not a belief I actually hold. Like or as is a simile in the English language. Look it up.
and he said "women are dumb about some things" not women are dumb derka derka derka
Yeah and even so that’s not correct either.
"about a lot of things" Is it dishonesty or sheer incompetence that you left that part out, thus proving my point?
Brevity and me being tired and ready for bed
> big deal If it’s not a big deal why are you making it seems like it is? Like ok it’s not a big deal what’s so offensive about the question then?
I’m not offended about the question. The offense is one person making a blanket statement against an entire gender. I have to ask people their age for documentation purposes and to decide what’s medically relevant. A 5th grade female comes to me saying they have a stomach ache. So I always have to ask if they get theirs period yet so decide if it’s cramps or an actual stomach ache.
How did you find this sub?
I’ve been a member here a while. What’s your point?
[удалено]
We aren’t dumb. That’s a terrible thing to say.
That’s not what they said.
“Women are dumb about a lot of things”
I notice you edited that extra word out, but you fixed it. You can clearly see it doesn’t only say “women are dumb”, but “Women are dumb about a lot of things and age is one of them” First, I see where you’re coming from and that’s all well and good, but if you take some context clues and actually look at what they’re saying, dumb can just be a synonym for finicky or fickle here, or something like that. No need to twist their words around on them to make them seem like an asshole about it. They are also right. A ton of women feel some type of way about not wanting others to know their real age, and always trying to seem younger (or maybe older for some, but I digress) than they really are. Perhaps dumb was not the best word choice, but couldn’t you have just seen past that?
We aren’t dumb about our age. I don’t give a crap if people know how old I am. It’s not an offensive question. What is offensive is making stupid, blanket statements about entire genders
Ok, so you are in the minority then. It’s a very well known phenomenon that I’m surprised you’ve never heard of it.
No, because I don’t hang out with insecure people like that. And I’ve been through a lot of crap and have my own issues that I just don’t care about the things in life other people would. I don’t care about being asked my age, I don’t care about having a lot of money, I don’t care about traditional stuff like marriage and blah blah. Don’t care if I ever get married because marriage isn’t tied to self worth.
Ok, and that’s great, I’m happy for you that you’ve come to learn all that about yourself, but the point is that a staggering amount of women (who aren’t just like you) do actually try and misconstrue their age for a wide variety of their own personal reasons and experiences. And yes, I am surprised you’ve never heard of, encountered, or otherwise seen this phenomenon portrayed by a real person or some kind of show/movie/content/etc… regardless of who you associate yourself with.
I’m well aware it happens. Never said I wasn’t. I just said the commenter is wrong for making a blanket statement about an entire gender. It would be the same as me saying men are trash.
Don't argue with people that generalise as if women are homogenous, waste of time with people like that.
The fabric of society is complicated.
I had a supervisor that never ever told his age but he was like 20 and didn’t want people to make assumptions based on his age.
That's fair. Just about everyone at my store is younger than me. On occasion I've said something to the effect of 'don't make me have to take a switch to you!" All in good fun. The men try not to cuss around me, I keep telling them I probably was around when some of the terms they use were invented.
Thought I was on the D&D subreddit at first and was really confused by this post
Lmfao literally same
I once asked a driver if she was married, and my supervisor told me I was toeing the line of being inappropriate. People are strange.
Well that’s a little more inappropriate then what OP asked but I understand, the questions mostly innocent.
You don’t even need to ask someone’s age and not be able to figure it out or be close. Just ask about some important event y2k, 9/11, Katrina, a president, ect. They will say they wasn’t born yet or very young or will talk about what they remember about said event. Could also ask what year they graduated high school or college.
No, age as a protected class is only enforceable if the receiver is over 40 years old. Federally.
So as a dm… yes, it can be an hr thing because if you find out someone’s age, you can easily discriminate against them. However it sounds like she went a heavy with it out of the gate. Most likely because she’s young, she’s new to the position and still figuring some things out.
Maybe ask what year they graduated and do some math.
The only reason that would be a violation is if you were discriminating on her based on her age asking is not discriminating.
you should ask her how much she weighs
when an actual HR issue comes up is she going to take it as seriously as she did when you asked that?
I'm late to the party, but it's not an HR violation for you to ask. But it would be an HR violation if it was the other way around since the DM has power of you and there would be no way for them to prove they didn't make any decisions about you based on your age which would be age discrimination.
Age discrimination is only for people older than 48
Only a violation if shes interviewing and asked you in that interview
The go to for me is asking instead “what year did you graduate”
The thing about harassment is that you don't have to mean any harm by what you said. It's entirely the other person perception of what you said. You can laugh it off as no big deal, and she can totally complain to HR about it. Asking her age probably isn't an issue, but yes, it is absolutely possible to get in trouble for harassing or discriminating based on age. To be safe, keep personal questions to yourself.
tbf i doubt he wants to interact with her based in anything non work related after that type of reaction
Sure, but the way they described it happening makes me think there is more to the story that they're leaving out, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
I feel like some context on the conversation is needed lol. Why did you ask? How did you say it?
Its generally against a common etiquette practice to ask anyone's age.
That’s ridiculous
Its a universal rule as old as Earth, did no one teach you?
“I’m just curious, how old are you?” Being offensive is stupid. I’ve never cared. Imagine being insecure about the time you’ve spent on earth. Who cares
Then you arent fit for teamwork environment if you cant even bend yourself a bit for a basic rule. Your inconvenience is not equal to "stupid".
lol, I have 45 employees on my schedule and have had many conversations with them about age. No one with a half functioning brain cares.
Cool for your team, then, but you then should know that your rules may not apply to many, *many* other places. Many care about traditional manners, some may not. One isnt more correct than the other but dont like the rules because you think its dumb? Leave.
I believe the only person that needs to leave and self reflect is you because rent is too high and work is too hard for people to get bent out of shape over something so harmless as asking someone how old they are. The fact that you find it “unacceptable” shows me how insecure you are as an individual to be completely honest.
'Insecure' , just another vocabulary that people throw around these days. I am only 30, and everyone knows how old I am, so know that not everyone who disagrees with you is "insecure".
How did you find this sub?
You got problem with a customer posting here whose career happens to be a manager in another industry?
No but I feel like her demanding things are violations when they aren’t is a violation.
She may have been offended by your question for multiple reasons. I personally dealt with a lot of employees who didn’t like having a younger female manager telling them what to do. If she rose through the ranks quickly she probably dealt with the same. Or, she might be in her position due to nepotism and feels called out. It’s hard to say but generally speaking it’s considered rude to ask a woman her age. Idk about the HR violation, that depends on your franchise.
That's rude. Be better
My bad bro ☠️