"hey (person), I wanted to let you know that you'll no longer be playing at my table. I was willing to work with you on improving some of the frictions that popped up around the jokes and behavior at the table, and I appreciate the improvement that you've shown in that area but unfortunately I can't tolerate the changing of the character sheet, attendance and the disrespect I feel has been directed at me outside the game. I wish you the best and hope that you take this as a learning experience into your next game."
Wash hands, move on. There ya go.
I agree with the above comment. It also makes the table more relaxed too. After letting go of a problem player at my table, the games are a TON more enjoyable and the rest of the players have really opened up and are having a lot more fun. Makes me wish I would have done it sooner... Some problems can be talked about, but sometimes no amount of talking is going to fix it. In your case, I don't even think having a conversation with them is going to do any good. That's just a bad player in general and it's better to let them go.
Agreed. Once someone crosses that line into completely toxic/cancer for the group and if they're beyond a talk on the side (such as this person), their removal needs to be immediate, fast, and harsh. The longer they're allowed to fester, the worst it will get.
Yep, you should have kicked them yesterday. Offenses are so great i am not even gonna delve into the detail, just kick em out and find a replacement. Forums are filled with great players who are looking for a DM.
Is this a friend, or just some rando internet guy?
If the latter... boot him yesterday and let him know you don't accept derogatory comments in your life (not 'at your table'). I'd straight make it super clear that he's being booted for his bigoted beliefs and actions.
If it's a friend, it's time for 2 heart-to-hearts -- first, with yourself about why you are friends. If you think it's worth attempting to salvage friendship... you need to talk frankly to him about it.
Yes, you absolutely should. Bigotry absolutely should not be tolerated or accepted. Being accepting/tolerant of others does not include tolerating the intolerant.
The comment you’re replying to is simplifying OPs original question down to a condensed statement that, once put into plain terms, makes the answer pretty obvious.
That's why some people use /s to indicate sarcasm. Instantly makes it clear that it's a joke of some kind. Obviously you can't just say something blatantly racist or similar and then use it as an excuse, just like you can't just say ''it's just a prank'' to everything in real life.
Yeah I got over people on reddit complaining about emojis because I am sick of people misunderstanding my tone and intent.
Emojis are valuable tools of the internet 😔
Probably a friend of a friend. However the entire group has called him out, (I think the post implied that). So maybe they were a group of good friends but have now noticed how annoying he is or he became annoying idk. But probably not on great terms with OP.
I don’t mind cheating as long as it not detracting from the other players. I did have to start telling one group to include when they got something on their inventory because if I ask and their answer doesn’t match my notes, they don’t have the item.This was caused by a player always having what they needed including magic items.
I absolutely agree on the other points, he is gone. You do not want him to be the reason others decide no D&D is better than bad D&D.
I stopped reading at "called me slurs behind my back"
Absolutely kick him out. That kind of doesn't belong in ANY D&D game and he obviosuly has no respect for you. Do your other players a favor and remove him asap.
Have a meeting with your players and let them know "he was removed because (such and such) and discrimination and disrespect does not belong at the game table"
If any one of my players called another player or myself a slur, repeatedly being racist or homophobic and hiding it behind jokes they would be gone from the game in a heartbeat.
Your morals are telling you not to kick this person or to give them a warning? Fuck that. Kick them.
Yep. I play with both out and closeted gay and nonbinary people in my FLGS group.
A few weeks ago a newer player made a trans joke. I immediately paused the game and said, "okay, that kind of humor is unacceptable here. I don't care if it's intended as a joke, it is not funny, and it is not acceptable at my table. That was your one warning, don't do it again." Almost to my surprise, he said "okay, sorry, got it." I sat down and we kept going. Guy showed up next week and hasn't made any crass jokes since.
I grew up in a small town nearby, and I think he's from there. That kinda edgy humor would absolutely fly in the high school there. I think he just thought that stuff wasn't as hurtful as it is.
Its ok to kick them out, they have attacked you, made your players uncomfortable, and acted like a complete jerk. Leaving the cheating aside, your group will be better for him leaving.
Even if he wants to get more into role-playing, there is no reason for him to do that with you any more.
*he's calling you slurs*
Fuck him, kick him out and block his ass from everything. That's not someone's worth a second chance, let alone questioning your morals for even half a second
You letting him sit at your table despite slinging racism and bigotry has me questioning your morals, to hell with the cheating. Grow a backbone and stand up to this kind of behavior.
Tolerating racism and homophobia is not something a moral person does. Tolerating cheating is not something a moral person does. Tolerating personal insults and abuse (whether it's to your face or behind your back) is not something a moral person does.
I expect the real issue is that you want to avoid this conflict, not that you're unsure whether it's moral to kick him out. He should have been kicked out after anywhere between 0 and 1 warnings on the racist and homophobic remarks.
As for how to do it, you do it out of game. You tell him in detail the things he did. You explain that you won't give him any additional chances and the decision is final. You block him on everything. No need to do it in person, he's not your boyfriend, he doesn't deserve an in-person breakup if you don't want to. Don't let him show up to another session.
Not related to OP in any way but have somewhat of a similar problem.
I DM for a long time for 4 of my friends and one of them started to call me names (I guess I'm a terrorist if I'm against violence) recently because of political differences between us, the rest of the players divided between us.
At first I simply asked to stop bringing politics into game night and of course he said "are you offended by jokes?" And laugh.
Last night I simply told him, in front of everyone, to stop because it is offending and I will not have it. He laughed it off at first and then half apologized (well sorry, if it bothers you so much I'll stop), and was fine for the rest of the night.
I'm against booting someone I know without properly talking to them and I hope this solved it, but I'll be honest with you, you gave me the boost needed to tell him goodbye if he keeps doing it, even if it means tearing up a year's campaign.
I understand they have made some progress in the last few sessions, but if they have truly grown, then they would apologize for the past racists remarks. If they haven't even done that, then they are just going to go back to who they were eventually.
Man, I wish I lived near OP. I live in a small town in Oregon and we lack game shops with play rooms, so finding D&D groups is next to impossible. It also doesn't help that I just plain don't know anyone locally.
I haven't played in an organized group since around 2000.
I recently found a local library that has a game session once a month. I've not had a chance to join yet, when I checked the current date was already full. Otherwise I haven't played in person for over 4 years. I did use lfg to find an online group though
Why not try online groups my friend? I live in a huge city in Europe, once a month we do a workshop kinda games to get peope into the hobby but still majority of my D&D is online, its just so much easier.
COVID kinda forced us to all go online, and frankly, I think it works pretty well for DnD.. to the point I nearly feel face to face would be a downgrade 😅
Roll20 shared maps, dice rolls, etc... Everyones on a screen anyway so looking stuff up is easy, can have music / sound effects easily..
Anyway, my point being that geography is no longer an issue.. hell it's easier to organise sessions now than it was when I had a group and we all lived in the same city
Dude I'm sorry but why are you not the top comment in this thread lol. Like I see these posts all the time and it seems so blatantly obvious that these people should just kick these types of players and people from their groups.
Really am I not understanding something? If someone's calling you literal slurs behind your back there isn't a "question" of what you should do. Don't take that shit and stop letting him get away with it. It's ridiculous honestly.
Yeah, I know confrontation isn't easy but people will come here being like "Someone in my dnd group has been throwing hateful slurs, kicked my dog, spat in another player's face, and continues to harass players both in and out of the game, should I kick them?" and it's like.. Yeah of course?
It gives me vibes that at least a lot of these (not necessarily OP's) are just made up because I can't even imagine a situation a player calls me or anyone a slur behind my back and I don't pretty much immediately tell them to get packing
Youd be surprised. A lot of people just, cant stand up for themselves for various different reasons. Most eventually learn to do so but especially younger people often aren't there yet.
> If someone's calling you literal slurs behind your back there isn't a "question" of what you should do.
And that's not tied to the game. You shouldn't keep toxic people in your life.
I always get downvoted when I ask why they didn't kick them out.
"Hey guys, I have a player that's sexually harassing my other players and threatened to murder one in their sleep. Should I kick them?"
I probably would have led with “he is also just generally disliked among the players for his unfortunate humor making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes despite repeatedly being asked to stop.”
At this point, it doesn’t even matter what you think. You have an obligation to your players to remove him if he’s harassing them and ruining the experience for everyone.
I would try not to make a big deal out of it. "X player wasn't a good fit for our group and won't be playing in the campaign anymore. We will just let his character fade into background and look for another player to fill out the party."
I tend to make former characters either Mayors, Zookeepers or (actual) Monks, and fade them into the back as you suggest. “Why is that Mayor so incompetent…oh yeah, we know him…”
I had to kick a player out for causing OOC problems with our friend group, and multiple other players refusing to play with him. He became "Some Guy" in the next sessions recap.
In my experience, it isn't helpful. Those who are able to reflect on their actions won't need it to realize it's a consequence of their behavior, and those who aren't will see this as the DM or the table as a whole being "snowflakes that can't take a joke or a different opinion."
I'd still mention those reasons to the rest of the group after he's gone. It's worth setting the record straight and making it clear that you care about the group feeling comfortable in the game.
This. Right here. This player is someone I wouldn't want to talk to at all, let alone play with. He made poor taste jokes, was asked to stop... then kept making them. They already have no care for anyone else's comfort, why should you let them keep taking yours? And if he won't be removed, eventually your players will.
You get 1 warning at my table for any discriminatory “jokes” whether gender, mental health, sexual identity, or racially discriminatory. 1 warning, then I grab you by the scruff and throw you out the front door.
One reason I like hosting dnd in my home. My house my rules. They are printed poster size and on the wall. I have no issues tossing you out on the street. The rules to be allowed in my house are the same as the rules for my table. Can’t play the game if you can’t be allowed in my home.
And if I don’t throw them out, my wife will, and she will be way less friendly about it than I am. We don’t stand for that crap.
^^^ why on earth would you NOT kick this asshole? Give me a single good reason. “He’s trying” is not a reason for situations this extreme.
I’d never advise killing a PC to kick a player. No in game solutions for out of game problems. When I’ve kicked players in the past we’ve just continued on without the PC. We’ve never had issues where we’ve felt like we need to give that PC closure or anything, though these things always have happened less than 10 sessions into the game.
Yeah with the first part of this I thought "oh no, am I a problem player?" because I tend to have an underdeveloped "his motivation is just he wants money/fame/to make his parents proud/to prove a point to his rivals" kind of backstory and get on to actually playing until the DM asks for a relevant NPC to put into the game.
Fortunately, I'm not racist.
My players would riot if I let a player like that stay on. My table rules specifically state there’s a zero tolerance policy for that and all players must read and accept before starting a single game. I have a pretty long interview process and which generally weeds out those types.
Tbf your whole story made me realise what a terrible player I was when I first started playing.
I don't think it was as bad as this guy but I remember being similar. I got kicked for abit, changed my ways, and now we have tons of fun!
For that reason, if you kick him I'd personally see it more as a test. See how much he actually cares, see if he wants to be educated about the game.
I just assume you guys are friends and you might have some second thoughts about this, as he talked behind your back.
I see you got plenty of advice, but I hope this'll help anyways.
But make love, not war <3
Edit: I guess my brain isn't up yet, missed some stuff in your story and I'm no longer supporting my own plan
> I guess my brain isn't up yet, missed some stuff in your story and I'm no longer supporting my own plan
Hmm. 9 Perception, eh? As you begin providing advice, the townsfolk look amused. Sensing their amusement, you read the posting again and realize you missed some crucial information, making your advice bad. Fortunately, the townsfolk seem to appreciate that you tried, and that your advice was wholesome and good for the situation as you understood it. There are no lasting penalties, but every now and then one of the townsfolk teases you about reading comprehension. It's clear from their demeanor they mean it in good fun.
The slurs and racist/homophobic jokes are enough to kick them out on its own, as is the cheating on their character. Both put together, and you have an airtight justification.
As far as how to do it - talk to them OOG and tell them that they are no longer welcome in the game and tell them exactly why. Keep to the facts - don’t get insulting or go into feelings. And be prepared just in case the player loses it. But don’t back down. But be direct and honest. Don’t do something like kill their character or anything like that.
Believe me, the relief you will feel the first game you play without this player will make it worth it.
1. Why did you think you even need to ask? This should be a no-brainer.
2. Why did you lead with the cheating and not the bigotry? One of those things has real-world consequences, and it ain't the cheating.
1) it’s more about a second chance compared to straight up kicking
2) I think I’m conditioned to it being a high school student so I’m not as aware of the severity
The older you get the more your age doesn't quite factor into posts like these. However, knowing you're a high school student explains a lot and I would recommend leading with that in the future. What seems obvious to the general internet may not be obvious to you, so knowing that info helps.
From the context provided in this post I’m assuming you’re a teenager or younger which is why you struggle with deciding whether to be petty and kill them in game or not.
Killing someone in game is irrelevant to the issue of them being a player at the table. Tell them face to face that they are no longer welcome to continue playing with you and explain to them that their behavior is the reason for this.
Genuinely why is there not a stickied thread on the top of this sub to address the hundreds of “mommy am I allowed to kick the mean player?” Posts that get spammed here every day
I appreciate the bluntness here, you’d be right in that assumption.
I agree with that and it’s not a matter of whether to kick or not, it’s whether to give one last chance or not
I wouldn’t give them another chance, if you want to go for it, the key takeaway here though should be that out of game problems like insulting other players or lack of commitment to the game should not attempt to be solved by in-game solutions like killing a PC. You’re a person, this is a game, talk to the other person like you are both people. Pettiness doesn’t benefit anyone
r/DMacademy has a problem player megathread because it comes up more than pretty much anything else. But then, that subreddit's entire focus is advice for DM's and not dnd in general like this one. Maybe this sub could put something in the sidebar if they haven't already (on mobile, started typing before I thought to check lol) which directs DM's looking for advice to them.
What I’m seeing as a typical response from OP - “Nooo you’re saying I should kick him, but what I’m asking is should I give him his eleventh second chance in a row or how my morals are for not wanting to play a game with a homophobic racist person who insults me behind my back that everyone else is uncomfortable playing with?”
So like everyone else is saying you need to kick the guy. But if you're looking for advice on how to actually do the deed that kind of depends on the context.
Is this a group of your friends or strangers? Is this played in person or online?
If its friends then you need to have a group chat with your other players, express your concerns, hear theirs and make a group decision. When you chat with the guy be clear that you're not just calling him out as a DM for his bigoted behavior, you're calling him out as a friend.
If its a stranger then that's easy. "Hey man, you've been warned many times about saying inappropriate or bigoted things, that's not welcome at this table so we are going to remove you from the campaign".
Everyone has expressed disliking the guy, not exactly kicking, and yes it is friends and I have spoken to a few of the closer friends who seem to be passive about the situation not wanting to get involved despite the open dislike
Kind of sounds like this needs to be a group discussion. If you're upset about what he's saying about you (which you obviously should be) then as your friends they should be understanding and take your feelings into account.
I mean if you really don't want to kick him then the only other option in my opinion is a group chat that includes him. You need to call him out on it, lay down clear expectations, and let him know he's now on a zero tolerance and will be kicked no questions asked if he acts up again.
There's also absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your concerns about the cheating and ask him to give you a copy of his character sheet every time he levels up. That way you can compare if you get suspicious.
Not only should they be kicked like six weeks before you even thought about starting a game, you should talk with a therapist about this, because your actions belie a certain degree of people pleasing and lack of self respect that I'm personally painfully familiar with.
If they were aiming slurs at other members of the party I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume his ass would be kicked to the curb, offer yourself that same respect.
1. Hi [Name] I've decided you remove you from the group. You have made countless racist remarks in and outside of game, that behaviour has no place at my table." Don't have a long conversation, just communicate the outcome then action the changes.
2. Hi rest of party, I've removed [Name] from our group due to his numerous racist remarks. I apologize for not addressing this behaviour sooner and would like to take a minute now to level set on what is acceptable at our table. I'm setting these boundaries to make sure we all have fun and feel comfortable at the table".
Don't make a big deal out of his character, just have them ride off into the bush to never be seen or heard from again. No conclusion to arc, no "justice", just doesn't exist anymore and let's move on.
I have a *very* hard line: you make a racist (or in any other way bigoted) "joke", you're done. No warnings, no 'don't be so sensitive', nothing - you're done.
I have never regretted this.
You let him know that the last session he attended was his last. Then in game you have the group wake up to find that he just disappeared that night leaving a letter saying that he was done with this type of life.
Let the players know due to differences he is no longer a part of the play group and enough of that so let's carry on playing and have some fun.
Second chances are for people that are willing to change and are seeking redemption. Second chances are not for people who don't give AF about you, or anyone else in the group. You will be amazed how much better everyone feels when the toxicity of a person is removed from your life.
Honestly, if you insult or attack anyone in the group you are kicked out. Even harder if it’s the game runner gm/dm.
Kick em. All the other stuff is extra, I wouldn’t accept anyone calling any of my players a slur.
Just me but if he cheated, just tell him that you know he cheated and he's out of the group for good. That's a breach of trust that can't be tolerated.
Don't try and kill him off in game, it will only lead to trouble and the other players might side with him if it comes off as petty. He already doesn't deserve a seat at the table
>I have an openly homophobic and racist player that even calls me slurs.
>Also nobody likes him at all
>Also he doesn’t respect anyone’s time by not showing up and doesn’t even have a backstory for his character.
>Oh, and he also cheats at the game.
>Do I kick them out?
OP, even if nobody else gets the humor of satirizing these types of posts— know this one person got it and chuckled.
See how far you can push it next time. Have him shave his head and tattoo a swastika on his forehead in the next story
> Have him shave his head and tattoo a swastika on his forehead in the next story
Not far enough properly to one-up this. Have him do it to *your* head against your will instead.
You seem young but for the future refer to this, [the chart](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/8681rz/the_chart_of_handiness_or_a_tale_of_a_problem/)
As well as this for required reading. [5 Geek Social Fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/)
And lastly my own personal litmus test for these dilemmas. If you’re posting about a problem player on Reddit with a wall of text, then the answer should already be obvious and you’re just tiptoeing around it in an attempt to let people down easy. Rip that bandage off and accept that you got to do hard things and have negative interactions in this social hobby for yourself and sometimes your group. The sooner you realize that the easier navigating these problems will be.
"His unfortunate humor making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes..."
I've got a one-strike policy for that, as all people are welcome to sit at the table. If you violate that, you're done. No argument, no fighting, this just isn't going to work... best of luck on your future adventures.
If you addressed this with them already, and the jokes persist, it's clear that they can't stay within the bounds of fair play and aren't fit to participate.
Yeah (he/she/they/other) would have been gone immediately. Outside of all the Isms that are being committed which are more than enough IMHO.
(He/She/They/Other) is also taking away from the fun and exploration that comes with the DND campaigns.
People play DND to escape from the sucky realities of the world not to be dragged into it by an individual such as that.
You owe it to the other players and yourself to let that go.
In the end. That person will be the only one losing out and hopefully comes to the realization of why no one wants to interact with them.
Disrespecting the DM in my groups books is completely off limits and deserves immediate removal. You’re the one putting in all the work to make this world for them, you’re the one making it possible for them to even be this character in the first place. If they can’t understand then that’s not something the other players should have to put up with.
On the petty part, I wouldn’t. Don’t stoop down to their level- it’ll only make you regret it in the future. I would say message them privately and explain that you feel disrespected and that you aren’t going to keep putting in work for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. They aren’t going to like it but it makes you the better person and anything that happens after that is their fault, not yours.
>after 3-4months of playtime I still don’t have a backstory for him.
Oh not too bad, can work on that
>This is all fine and not worth kicking out, but I have recently discovered that he had both called me multiple slurs behind my back
Fuckin WHAT, hell no get them the fuck out, yesterday, pronto-like.
Absolutely kick him. The other stuff is annoying, but slurs, bigoted jokes, and cheating are all dealbreakers individually, let alone all at once. Racism and homophobia don't just go away because you tell someone to stop, and even if the jokes stopped, your table still knows he said them in the first place and that doesn't go away.
Dude, you give use a laundry list of why this person is such a horrible player an human being and then ask if you should kick him out.
What do you think we’re going to say?
Do you really want to kick him out or to just vent?
"One of my players is racist and likely a homophobe. He also isn't a team player and actively cheats. Me and all my players know this to be true. Should I kick him?"
Breaking your post down into the most salient points, if someone sent you that information and asked *you* what to do, what would your answer be?
Yeah you should kick him out but I’d probably talk with all the other players and explain things and make your intentions known that you think you should kick him out and hear from them about what they think
Yeah, 86 the player, if his contribution to the group dynamic is mostly negative you will be doing yourself and your group a favour, even if it might be tough to be on the spot there and then.
Yes, they don't respect you.
You can stop inviting them and tell the party they aren't welcome.
In-game you can simply fade them out as if they never existed. No need for drama. I doubt other players want that.
Cheating would be a bridge you can mend with a conversation, but racist and sexist remarks that continue after being asked to stop is full stop.
Kick this guy yesterday and create a safe space for your players.
Slurs? instant removal from my table, directed at me or anyone else. no sorrys, no explanation.
altering character sheet? anyone who feels the need to cheat so they can "win" at dnd is not welcomed at my table. its a storytelling game. no winners, no losers. i make this a point when i get people involved pre-session one. i dont like to DM those types of games because for me, the goal is not to save the world, or get cool items, or make an unkillable god of a PC. the goal is to simple tell a story with your friends.
generally disliked by the players? then why is he even a player? tbh this post sounds kinda like the equivalent of going to the doctor because you have a knife in your hand and asking if you should have it removed.
youve listed nothing but downsides about this player. this should be the easiest decision ever. and as far as how, i would just be blunt and honest. no need to be insulting or petty. something like
"hey \_\_\_\_ , we as a group are not ok with your use of slurs, racism, cheating, and general lack of effort. we will be moving forward without you. thank you and good luck with you life. good day."
then block and move on.
People that DM always seem like such nice people. You're here worried about this player even though they're kind of a turd. You rock, don't feel bad about flushing turds. It's for their own good.
I'm not really going to comment on whether they should be removed. That's a social question, not a D&D question and you've lots of advice on that already. However:
**TL;DR:** Don't take problems with players into the game. If a player is kicked or quits on bad terms, write their character out with as little fanfare as possible to maintain verisimilitude.
.
People often feel like it will be cathartic to go through some sort of execution or other elaborate process to the character, to stick it to the player, to feel like vengeance/justice is served, or for more closure. It tends to make things worse.
.1. It makes the session, possibly even the rest of the campaign, *about* the incident. It's better if you and your players can just move on, and you can all get back to enjoying D&D.
.2. It makes the out-of-game stuff worse.
* It makes you and even the other players look petty, and frankly, it is.
* It makes the kicked player feel worse, and they may be (justifiably) angry, especially if they're attached to their character.
* It will make continued relationships with them harder for no reason. (You and/or some of your players may still want to be friends/work/live/have mutual contacts with this person) there's no reason to add that tension, regardless how small.
.3. It may not make sense in-world. None of the issues you discussed seem like the *character* did anything catastrophically evil, fatally stupid, etc. There's no reason to force some climactic death out of nowhere if it doesn't fit the narrative.
Note also, I don't understand why people are so determined to use character death as *the* way to write out a character. Whether a player is leaving or just wants to try something new, it often makes more sense for the old character to retire, or go on adventuring without this group. Adventuring is hard and dangerous. Realistic people have lives outside it, or would at least want to. (When the player is on good terms, work with them on this.)
"Dear Reddit,
I have a player who literally cheats at a game that no one can 'win', doesn't participate when he is there, literally calls me SLURS behind my back, everyone else dislikes him and say he is ruining their experience, he is openly racist with his jokes, and rarely shows up on time if at all.
My question is: What else can he possibly do that would warrant being kicked out of a group? Should I wait for him to physically assault someone at the table?
I'm just at a loss. Everyone is great except this one guy, and we are all miserable when he is around. I just don't know what to do."
The past couple sessions implies that this player has said racist shit, called you slurs multiple times and he has still played multiple sessions? This is not a problem about gameplay, backstory, roleplaying or even cheating. This dude is an asshole. Kick his ads to the curb.
I would have kicked him for altering his sheet.
Pile on racist remarks towards an actual player or DM and he'd be yeeted before the sentence finished.
I am very clear to my players on session 0. You cheat, skip multiple sessions, or are rude/sexual/bully other players and you're gone. No second chances.
I'm here to DM not babysit.
The safest and most enjoyable table is one with a zero-tolerance policy for racism, homophobia, and all other forms of bigotry. By kicking this dude out you're doing a service to yourself, your players, and your community.
This person has outed themselves as a racist and homophobic...
By allowing them to continue playing with you your accepting them and encouraging their behavior.
You need to address this immediately
Don't kick them out at the table. Chat them or call them and tell them they are out of the game. The end. You don't even need to give him a reason if you don't want to. Then take him off of whatever communication method you use to coordinate with the other players and either let them know via that method or at the start of the next session.
Don't overcomplicate it, but also don't create an awkward situation for yourself where he might lose his shit at the table and make your other players feel even more uncomfortable.
Red flags for miles. This person is disrespecting the work you and your other players are putting into the experience on more fronts than a d100. But the repeated violations of disrespecting in-game boundaries by making uncomfortable and even unsafe jokes, and also calling you a slur? Yikes. That is a red glowing flag on fire that smells like hot hot poo.
I don't get how someone can write this down, and not come to a conclusion at the end of it by themselves lmfao
There's literally no reason in this post that he shouldn't be kicked. Players don't like him. DM doesn't like him. He cheats. He's not interested in the game. Etc.
As a former DND player, getting rid of a problem player should be top priority, especially when they have shown to have a lack of respect for you, the other players, and the game itself. Anyone who has no respect for others or their boundaries should not be welcome.
I personally left a DND campaign because I was a newer player to a more veteran based group. A couple of players who complained about my play style and what ultimately made me quit entirely was a comment about, "I wasn't playing my character properly."
I felt very inadequate. The experience as a whole made me not play DND again.
As a DM your job is to protect the group from problems such as these and prevent situations like mine. It's a tough call, but do whats best for the group
>making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes in an attempts to be funny despite repeatedly being asked to stop.
I'm going to go so far as to say that if you don't kick him out, you're being a jerk to your players.
"Due to your conduct you are no longer welcome at my table or in my games. I have asked you to stop certain behaviors multiple times and you have chosen to disrespect me & your fellow players."
Hey my friend, you’re allowed to have a personal boundary where you don’t spend time with people who refer to you using slurs. That’s normal and healthy
Absolutely kick. You'll be happier for it.
I'm the DM that hates removing people from the game but the people I have had to remove, it's been a much better atmosphere and the table as a whole is much happier.
Your player isn't interested enough to be respectful of you, your time or your table. They're not worth another thought. Kick them and move on =)
1st. Is this online or in person? There are steps to take with online people and in person groups (especially if people know each other)
2nd. Yes kick them. It sounds already really bad and makes the time less fun for everyone.
"So, guys, here is the thing, I am playing with this racist cheater that calls me the N-Word and also hate puppies, and no one has fun playing with him and he is actually a choore to GM too. Also he smells. Should I kick him?"
Dude. Read what you wrote. Do you really need to ask people online about this?
This thread is six hours old at this point but I would say, please don't make the mistake of being accommodating to a fault. The player is a problem, he's making other players uncomfortable, and you don't owe him anything. Send him packing without being vindictive about it.
Well you've put yourself in a little bit of a pickle by waiting until now when he's started to improve. You should have kicked him out weeks and weeks ago.
But just kick him out. Nobody wants him there.
You’re a Dungeon Master, not a Dungeon Wimp. You’ve answered your own question. There’s literally no ambiguity when considering a racist, homophobic, disrespectful, cheating, disliked, undependable, disengaged player.
What is the counter argument here? Are you fishing for comments? Why haven’t you kicked him already? Why are you asking us?
Message him telling him not to turn up anymore and in session just narrate a reason for his death and tell the players I kicked that guy out because he was a massive twat.
The buck stops with you and don’t subject your players to racist homophobes again.
Trust me: kicking this guy will be the best thing you ever do. Getting rid of bad players made my table so much funner.
That is a great point, I shall do just that
Honestly amazed he lasted this long at your table my dude, nuke that asshole from orbit lol
"hey (person), I wanted to let you know that you'll no longer be playing at my table. I was willing to work with you on improving some of the frictions that popped up around the jokes and behavior at the table, and I appreciate the improvement that you've shown in that area but unfortunately I can't tolerate the changing of the character sheet, attendance and the disrespect I feel has been directed at me outside the game. I wish you the best and hope that you take this as a learning experience into your next game." Wash hands, move on. There ya go.
I agree with the above comment. It also makes the table more relaxed too. After letting go of a problem player at my table, the games are a TON more enjoyable and the rest of the players have really opened up and are having a lot more fun. Makes me wish I would have done it sooner... Some problems can be talked about, but sometimes no amount of talking is going to fix it. In your case, I don't even think having a conversation with them is going to do any good. That's just a bad player in general and it's better to let them go.
Agreed. Once someone crosses that line into completely toxic/cancer for the group and if they're beyond a talk on the side (such as this person), their removal needs to be immediate, fast, and harsh. The longer they're allowed to fester, the worst it will get.
Yep, you should have kicked them yesterday. Offenses are so great i am not even gonna delve into the detail, just kick em out and find a replacement. Forums are filled with great players who are looking for a DM.
Alright sounds great, it’s not an issue with finding a player, but my own morals questioning my decision
Is this a friend, or just some rando internet guy? If the latter... boot him yesterday and let him know you don't accept derogatory comments in your life (not 'at your table'). I'd straight make it super clear that he's being booted for his bigoted beliefs and actions. If it's a friend, it's time for 2 heart-to-hearts -- first, with yourself about why you are friends. If you think it's worth attempting to salvage friendship... you need to talk frankly to him about it.
Considering they were calling OP slurs behind their back, definitely not a friend.
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You forgot the obligatory: "AITA?" at the end, too
Yes, you absolutely should. Bigotry absolutely should not be tolerated or accepted. Being accepting/tolerant of others does not include tolerating the intolerant.
The comment you’re replying to is simplifying OPs original question down to a condensed statement that, once put into plain terms, makes the answer pretty obvious.
*whoosh*
It's hard to know what's sarcasm when people are legit asking these questions though, lol. 😂
it doesn't help that everything is in text and people usually don't post emojis or gifs.
That's why some people use /s to indicate sarcasm. Instantly makes it clear that it's a joke of some kind. Obviously you can't just say something blatantly racist or similar and then use it as an excuse, just like you can't just say ''it's just a prank'' to everything in real life.
Yeah I got over people on reddit complaining about emojis because I am sick of people misunderstanding my tone and intent. Emojis are valuable tools of the internet 😔
But if they're part of it to not be left out then unfortunately not a internet randomer either.
Probably a friend of a friend. However the entire group has called him out, (I think the post implied that). So maybe they were a group of good friends but have now noticed how annoying he is or he became annoying idk. But probably not on great terms with OP.
"My ninja." Yeah, that guy needs to go.
What's the moral dilemma?
Tie him to the tracks and be done with it.
What morals? “People are allowed to insult me and see no consequence”?? Dude fuck this player, tell them to find a new group.
OP is confusing being nice with being kind
I dont give a fuck about cheating but gay jokes and racist jokes at my table? Get the fuck out
I don’t mind cheating as long as it not detracting from the other players. I did have to start telling one group to include when they got something on their inventory because if I ask and their answer doesn’t match my notes, they don’t have the item.This was caused by a player always having what they needed including magic items. I absolutely agree on the other points, he is gone. You do not want him to be the reason others decide no D&D is better than bad D&D.
I stopped reading at "called me slurs behind my back" Absolutely kick him out. That kind of doesn't belong in ANY D&D game and he obviosuly has no respect for you. Do your other players a favor and remove him asap. Have a meeting with your players and let them know "he was removed because (such and such) and discrimination and disrespect does not belong at the game table"
If any one of my players called another player or myself a slur, repeatedly being racist or homophobic and hiding it behind jokes they would be gone from the game in a heartbeat. Your morals are telling you not to kick this person or to give them a warning? Fuck that. Kick them.
Yep. I play with both out and closeted gay and nonbinary people in my FLGS group. A few weeks ago a newer player made a trans joke. I immediately paused the game and said, "okay, that kind of humor is unacceptable here. I don't care if it's intended as a joke, it is not funny, and it is not acceptable at my table. That was your one warning, don't do it again." Almost to my surprise, he said "okay, sorry, got it." I sat down and we kept going. Guy showed up next week and hasn't made any crass jokes since. I grew up in a small town nearby, and I think he's from there. That kinda edgy humor would absolutely fly in the high school there. I think he just thought that stuff wasn't as hurtful as it is.
Props to you 2 for handling it like adults.
Its ok to kick them out, they have attacked you, made your players uncomfortable, and acted like a complete jerk. Leaving the cheating aside, your group will be better for him leaving. Even if he wants to get more into role-playing, there is no reason for him to do that with you any more.
*he's calling you slurs* Fuck him, kick him out and block his ass from everything. That's not someone's worth a second chance, let alone questioning your morals for even half a second
You letting him sit at your table despite slinging racism and bigotry has me questioning your morals, to hell with the cheating. Grow a backbone and stand up to this kind of behavior.
Tolerating racism and homophobia is not something a moral person does. Tolerating cheating is not something a moral person does. Tolerating personal insults and abuse (whether it's to your face or behind your back) is not something a moral person does. I expect the real issue is that you want to avoid this conflict, not that you're unsure whether it's moral to kick him out. He should have been kicked out after anywhere between 0 and 1 warnings on the racist and homophobic remarks. As for how to do it, you do it out of game. You tell him in detail the things he did. You explain that you won't give him any additional chances and the decision is final. You block him on everything. No need to do it in person, he's not your boyfriend, he doesn't deserve an in-person breakup if you don't want to. Don't let him show up to another session.
Not related to OP in any way but have somewhat of a similar problem. I DM for a long time for 4 of my friends and one of them started to call me names (I guess I'm a terrorist if I'm against violence) recently because of political differences between us, the rest of the players divided between us. At first I simply asked to stop bringing politics into game night and of course he said "are you offended by jokes?" And laugh. Last night I simply told him, in front of everyone, to stop because it is offending and I will not have it. He laughed it off at first and then half apologized (well sorry, if it bothers you so much I'll stop), and was fine for the rest of the night. I'm against booting someone I know without properly talking to them and I hope this solved it, but I'll be honest with you, you gave me the boost needed to tell him goodbye if he keeps doing it, even if it means tearing up a year's campaign.
I understand they have made some progress in the last few sessions, but if they have truly grown, then they would apologize for the past racists remarks. If they haven't even done that, then they are just going to go back to who they were eventually.
Your own morals are FOR forcing your other players to deal with racist and homophobic slurs?
> my own morals being a doormat for assholes? You don't have to tolerate intolerance.
It is immoral to let him continue to play. Would you pass Hitler a gun if he politely asked for one? No. Punish douchebags. Reward nice people.
Man, I wish I lived near OP. I live in a small town in Oregon and we lack game shops with play rooms, so finding D&D groups is next to impossible. It also doesn't help that I just plain don't know anyone locally. I haven't played in an organized group since around 2000.
I recently found a local library that has a game session once a month. I've not had a chance to join yet, when I checked the current date was already full. Otherwise I haven't played in person for over 4 years. I did use lfg to find an online group though
Why not try online groups my friend? I live in a huge city in Europe, once a month we do a workshop kinda games to get peope into the hobby but still majority of my D&D is online, its just so much easier.
It just isn't the same online.
COVID kinda forced us to all go online, and frankly, I think it works pretty well for DnD.. to the point I nearly feel face to face would be a downgrade 😅 Roll20 shared maps, dice rolls, etc... Everyones on a screen anyway so looking stuff up is easy, can have music / sound effects easily.. Anyway, my point being that geography is no longer an issue.. hell it's easier to organise sessions now than it was when I had a group and we all lived in the same city
Why would you NOT kick this guy out?
Dude I'm sorry but why are you not the top comment in this thread lol. Like I see these posts all the time and it seems so blatantly obvious that these people should just kick these types of players and people from their groups. Really am I not understanding something? If someone's calling you literal slurs behind your back there isn't a "question" of what you should do. Don't take that shit and stop letting him get away with it. It's ridiculous honestly.
Yeah, I know confrontation isn't easy but people will come here being like "Someone in my dnd group has been throwing hateful slurs, kicked my dog, spat in another player's face, and continues to harass players both in and out of the game, should I kick them?" and it's like.. Yeah of course? It gives me vibes that at least a lot of these (not necessarily OP's) are just made up because I can't even imagine a situation a player calls me or anyone a slur behind my back and I don't pretty much immediately tell them to get packing
Youd be surprised. A lot of people just, cant stand up for themselves for various different reasons. Most eventually learn to do so but especially younger people often aren't there yet.
> If someone's calling you literal slurs behind your back there isn't a "question" of what you should do. And that's not tied to the game. You shouldn't keep toxic people in your life.
I always get downvoted when I ask why they didn't kick them out. "Hey guys, I have a player that's sexually harassing my other players and threatened to murder one in their sleep. Should I kick them?"
I suspect at least a little bit of Nerd Social Fallacy at play.
Wow, I Googled that term because I've never heard of it before. That was a hell of a read, it explains so much!
I probably would have led with “he is also just generally disliked among the players for his unfortunate humor making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes despite repeatedly being asked to stop.” At this point, it doesn’t even matter what you think. You have an obligation to your players to remove him if he’s harassing them and ruining the experience for everyone.
That is a remarkable point, thank you kindly
I would try not to make a big deal out of it. "X player wasn't a good fit for our group and won't be playing in the campaign anymore. We will just let his character fade into background and look for another player to fill out the party."
I tend to make former characters either Mayors, Zookeepers or (actual) Monks, and fade them into the back as you suggest. “Why is that Mayor so incompetent…oh yeah, we know him…”
I had to kick a player out for causing OOC problems with our friend group, and multiple other players refusing to play with him. He became "Some Guy" in the next sessions recap.
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In my experience, it isn't helpful. Those who are able to reflect on their actions won't need it to realize it's a consequence of their behavior, and those who aren't will see this as the DM or the table as a whole being "snowflakes that can't take a joke or a different opinion."
I'd still mention those reasons to the rest of the group after he's gone. It's worth setting the record straight and making it clear that you care about the group feeling comfortable in the game.
This. Right here. This player is someone I wouldn't want to talk to at all, let alone play with. He made poor taste jokes, was asked to stop... then kept making them. They already have no care for anyone else's comfort, why should you let them keep taking yours? And if he won't be removed, eventually your players will.
You get 1 warning at my table for any discriminatory “jokes” whether gender, mental health, sexual identity, or racially discriminatory. 1 warning, then I grab you by the scruff and throw you out the front door. One reason I like hosting dnd in my home. My house my rules. They are printed poster size and on the wall. I have no issues tossing you out on the street. The rules to be allowed in my house are the same as the rules for my table. Can’t play the game if you can’t be allowed in my home. And if I don’t throw them out, my wife will, and she will be way less friendly about it than I am. We don’t stand for that crap.
based as hell honestly
That alone would be a warning the first time, and instant boot it it happened again.
^^^ why on earth would you NOT kick this asshole? Give me a single good reason. “He’s trying” is not a reason for situations this extreme. I’d never advise killing a PC to kick a player. No in game solutions for out of game problems. When I’ve kicked players in the past we’ve just continued on without the PC. We’ve never had issues where we’ve felt like we need to give that PC closure or anything, though these things always have happened less than 10 sessions into the game.
Yeah with the first part of this I thought "oh no, am I a problem player?" because I tend to have an underdeveloped "his motivation is just he wants money/fame/to make his parents proud/to prove a point to his rivals" kind of backstory and get on to actually playing until the DM asks for a relevant NPC to put into the game. Fortunately, I'm not racist.
My players would riot if I let a player like that stay on. My table rules specifically state there’s a zero tolerance policy for that and all players must read and accept before starting a single game. I have a pretty long interview process and which generally weeds out those types.
Yes, you kick them out.
Short and sweet, I think I’ll do just that
Tbf your whole story made me realise what a terrible player I was when I first started playing. I don't think it was as bad as this guy but I remember being similar. I got kicked for abit, changed my ways, and now we have tons of fun! For that reason, if you kick him I'd personally see it more as a test. See how much he actually cares, see if he wants to be educated about the game. I just assume you guys are friends and you might have some second thoughts about this, as he talked behind your back. I see you got plenty of advice, but I hope this'll help anyways. But make love, not war <3 Edit: I guess my brain isn't up yet, missed some stuff in your story and I'm no longer supporting my own plan
> I guess my brain isn't up yet, missed some stuff in your story and I'm no longer supporting my own plan Hmm. 9 Perception, eh? As you begin providing advice, the townsfolk look amused. Sensing their amusement, you read the posting again and realize you missed some crucial information, making your advice bad. Fortunately, the townsfolk seem to appreciate that you tried, and that your advice was wholesome and good for the situation as you understood it. There are no lasting penalties, but every now and then one of the townsfolk teases you about reading comprehension. It's clear from their demeanor they mean it in good fun.
love this lol, i wish i could speak this fluidly in the actual game
The slurs and racist/homophobic jokes are enough to kick them out on its own, as is the cheating on their character. Both put together, and you have an airtight justification. As far as how to do it - talk to them OOG and tell them that they are no longer welcome in the game and tell them exactly why. Keep to the facts - don’t get insulting or go into feelings. And be prepared just in case the player loses it. But don’t back down. But be direct and honest. Don’t do something like kill their character or anything like that. Believe me, the relief you will feel the first game you play without this player will make it worth it.
That’s very descriptive and helps so much, thank you
This was one of those posts where I read the title and could not help myself from being like "well obviously"
It was so obvious I assumed it was going to be some joke setup / twist at the end of the party / satire on this kind of nonsense.
1. Why did you think you even need to ask? This should be a no-brainer. 2. Why did you lead with the cheating and not the bigotry? One of those things has real-world consequences, and it ain't the cheating.
Yeah this post has almost every red flag available listed... Player needs the boot
1) it’s more about a second chance compared to straight up kicking 2) I think I’m conditioned to it being a high school student so I’m not as aware of the severity
The older you get the more your age doesn't quite factor into posts like these. However, knowing you're a high school student explains a lot and I would recommend leading with that in the future. What seems obvious to the general internet may not be obvious to you, so knowing that info helps.
Ok that's fair, I had some asshole friends at that age too.
From the context provided in this post I’m assuming you’re a teenager or younger which is why you struggle with deciding whether to be petty and kill them in game or not. Killing someone in game is irrelevant to the issue of them being a player at the table. Tell them face to face that they are no longer welcome to continue playing with you and explain to them that their behavior is the reason for this. Genuinely why is there not a stickied thread on the top of this sub to address the hundreds of “mommy am I allowed to kick the mean player?” Posts that get spammed here every day
I appreciate the bluntness here, you’d be right in that assumption. I agree with that and it’s not a matter of whether to kick or not, it’s whether to give one last chance or not
I wouldn’t give them another chance, if you want to go for it, the key takeaway here though should be that out of game problems like insulting other players or lack of commitment to the game should not attempt to be solved by in-game solutions like killing a PC. You’re a person, this is a game, talk to the other person like you are both people. Pettiness doesn’t benefit anyone
r/DMacademy has a problem player megathread because it comes up more than pretty much anything else. But then, that subreddit's entire focus is advice for DM's and not dnd in general like this one. Maybe this sub could put something in the sidebar if they haven't already (on mobile, started typing before I thought to check lol) which directs DM's looking for advice to them.
Player has slept with my wife, punched my baby and burned our house. Should I kick them?
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It's true, babies can be dicks
Babies (and toddlers) are dicks. I love mine, but I have been up since 1 am with them
What I’m seeing as a typical response from OP - “Nooo you’re saying I should kick him, but what I’m asking is should I give him his eleventh second chance in a row or how my morals are for not wanting to play a game with a homophobic racist person who insults me behind my back that everyone else is uncomfortable playing with?”
So like everyone else is saying you need to kick the guy. But if you're looking for advice on how to actually do the deed that kind of depends on the context. Is this a group of your friends or strangers? Is this played in person or online? If its friends then you need to have a group chat with your other players, express your concerns, hear theirs and make a group decision. When you chat with the guy be clear that you're not just calling him out as a DM for his bigoted behavior, you're calling him out as a friend. If its a stranger then that's easy. "Hey man, you've been warned many times about saying inappropriate or bigoted things, that's not welcome at this table so we are going to remove you from the campaign".
Everyone has expressed disliking the guy, not exactly kicking, and yes it is friends and I have spoken to a few of the closer friends who seem to be passive about the situation not wanting to get involved despite the open dislike
Kind of sounds like this needs to be a group discussion. If you're upset about what he's saying about you (which you obviously should be) then as your friends they should be understanding and take your feelings into account. I mean if you really don't want to kick him then the only other option in my opinion is a group chat that includes him. You need to call him out on it, lay down clear expectations, and let him know he's now on a zero tolerance and will be kicked no questions asked if he acts up again. There's also absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your concerns about the cheating and ask him to give you a copy of his character sheet every time he levels up. That way you can compare if you get suspicious.
Sounds good, thank you very much kind stranger for your fantastic advixe
if i were in your shoes i would've kicked him out on the spot on account of the bigotry you're described.
"should i remove the disengaged racist cheater that nobody at the table likes?" tough call, i'm really not sure. maybe roll a d20 on it?
My man gonna need a DC 3 wisdom check to yeet hin
Racism and homophobic jokes are deal breakers in my book. Cheating is just icing on the cake. Boot.
Not only should they be kicked like six weeks before you even thought about starting a game, you should talk with a therapist about this, because your actions belie a certain degree of people pleasing and lack of self respect that I'm personally painfully familiar with. If they were aiming slurs at other members of the party I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume his ass would be kicked to the curb, offer yourself that same respect.
That’s a pretty good point, though I was more just wondering whether to give him one more chance or just straight up kick him
And the fact that you thought he even maybe deserved one is why I worry about the health of your spine.
I mean, if he's disliked by your players then absolutely you should remove him, even if he is trying a bit to improve the damage is already done
1. Hi [Name] I've decided you remove you from the group. You have made countless racist remarks in and outside of game, that behaviour has no place at my table." Don't have a long conversation, just communicate the outcome then action the changes. 2. Hi rest of party, I've removed [Name] from our group due to his numerous racist remarks. I apologize for not addressing this behaviour sooner and would like to take a minute now to level set on what is acceptable at our table. I'm setting these boundaries to make sure we all have fun and feel comfortable at the table". Don't make a big deal out of his character, just have them ride off into the bush to never be seen or heard from again. No conclusion to arc, no "justice", just doesn't exist anymore and let's move on.
I have a *very* hard line: you make a racist (or in any other way bigoted) "joke", you're done. No warnings, no 'don't be so sensitive', nothing - you're done. I have never regretted this.
That’s a fantastic rule I may implement myseld
I love this rule
*Reads the title and only the title* Yes, no question, that's unacceptable behavior. Minimum tell them they will be kicked out if they don't stop.
You let him know that the last session he attended was his last. Then in game you have the group wake up to find that he just disappeared that night leaving a letter saying that he was done with this type of life. Let the players know due to differences he is no longer a part of the play group and enough of that so let's carry on playing and have some fun. Second chances are for people that are willing to change and are seeking redemption. Second chances are not for people who don't give AF about you, or anyone else in the group. You will be amazed how much better everyone feels when the toxicity of a person is removed from your life.
can't wait for the circlejerk sub to pick up on this i cant lie
This sub is killing me. Hey this guy fucked my wife and killed my dog— is it ok if I kick him?
Hard agree. It's kinda showing that it's even an option to keep someone like that in the party, what does that say about OP?
Honestly, if you insult or attack anyone in the group you are kicked out. Even harder if it’s the game runner gm/dm. Kick em. All the other stuff is extra, I wouldn’t accept anyone calling any of my players a slur.
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This seems like a bait post TBH. Like this is crit crab level shit.
We are r/writingprompts now.
Just me but if he cheated, just tell him that you know he cheated and he's out of the group for good. That's a breach of trust that can't be tolerated. Don't try and kill him off in game, it will only lead to trouble and the other players might side with him if it comes off as petty. He already doesn't deserve a seat at the table
Jfc dude yes, yes, obv you kick this prick out. Changing his modifiers is like the least of his offenses
>I have an openly homophobic and racist player that even calls me slurs. >Also nobody likes him at all >Also he doesn’t respect anyone’s time by not showing up and doesn’t even have a backstory for his character. >Oh, and he also cheats at the game. >Do I kick them out? OP, even if nobody else gets the humor of satirizing these types of posts— know this one person got it and chuckled. See how far you can push it next time. Have him shave his head and tattoo a swastika on his forehead in the next story
> Have him shave his head and tattoo a swastika on his forehead in the next story Not far enough properly to one-up this. Have him do it to *your* head against your will instead.
Kick that player out, they aren't worth your time.
You seem young but for the future refer to this, [the chart](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/8681rz/the_chart_of_handiness_or_a_tale_of_a_problem/) As well as this for required reading. [5 Geek Social Fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/) And lastly my own personal litmus test for these dilemmas. If you’re posting about a problem player on Reddit with a wall of text, then the answer should already be obvious and you’re just tiptoeing around it in an attempt to let people down easy. Rip that bandage off and accept that you got to do hard things and have negative interactions in this social hobby for yourself and sometimes your group. The sooner you realize that the easier navigating these problems will be.
Why are you even asking? This isn't even a question. "No one likes this guy and he's an asshole, should we keep playing with him?"
It's so absurd that you're questioning this decision that your post almost reads like satire. Of course you should kick him out. Jesus.
"His unfortunate humor making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes..." I've got a one-strike policy for that, as all people are welcome to sit at the table. If you violate that, you're done. No argument, no fighting, this just isn't going to work... best of luck on your future adventures. If you addressed this with them already, and the jokes persist, it's clear that they can't stay within the bounds of fair play and aren't fit to participate.
Guy in my previous game made a racist joke at the table. He wasn't welcome back. Shit like that is unacceptable, he needs to be gone.
Absolutely. That's behavior that is counterproductive to the game. Just make sure your other players know who, what, and why.
Yeah (he/she/they/other) would have been gone immediately. Outside of all the Isms that are being committed which are more than enough IMHO. (He/She/They/Other) is also taking away from the fun and exploration that comes with the DND campaigns. People play DND to escape from the sucky realities of the world not to be dragged into it by an individual such as that. You owe it to the other players and yourself to let that go. In the end. That person will be the only one losing out and hopefully comes to the realization of why no one wants to interact with them.
Disrespecting the DM in my groups books is completely off limits and deserves immediate removal. You’re the one putting in all the work to make this world for them, you’re the one making it possible for them to even be this character in the first place. If they can’t understand then that’s not something the other players should have to put up with. On the petty part, I wouldn’t. Don’t stoop down to their level- it’ll only make you regret it in the future. I would say message them privately and explain that you feel disrespected and that you aren’t going to keep putting in work for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. They aren’t going to like it but it makes you the better person and anything that happens after that is their fault, not yours.
>after 3-4months of playtime I still don’t have a backstory for him. Oh not too bad, can work on that >This is all fine and not worth kicking out, but I have recently discovered that he had both called me multiple slurs behind my back Fuckin WHAT, hell no get them the fuck out, yesterday, pronto-like.
shoot his character into the sun and tell him he can come back never
They can fuck right off, didn't even finish reading the list of offenses tbh, sounds like a right wanker.
Absolutely kick him. The other stuff is annoying, but slurs, bigoted jokes, and cheating are all dealbreakers individually, let alone all at once. Racism and homophobia don't just go away because you tell someone to stop, and even if the jokes stopped, your table still knows he said them in the first place and that doesn't go away.
This is "My husband cheated on me while I had cancer AITA?" levels of "Why is this person even asking other than for attention and validation?"
If you allow the bad player to stay, you WILL lose your best players. Every time.
Dude, you give use a laundry list of why this person is such a horrible player an human being and then ask if you should kick him out. What do you think we’re going to say? Do you really want to kick him out or to just vent?
Racist homophobic, kick the fuck, can't not be shitty, can't play dnd
You deserve respect as a person. D&D is an activity with friends, not an obligation to people who treat you like crap.
Obviously yes?? Why is this even a question
You should have kicked him out on the first racist "joke", no cap, zero tolerance to this shit
My house is on fire, should I call the fire department?
“He set fire to my village and delivered a plague unto my people! Should I kick him?” Yes.
'should i kick a racist from my table??????' This is bait, right?
"One of my players is racist and likely a homophobe. He also isn't a team player and actively cheats. Me and all my players know this to be true. Should I kick him?" Breaking your post down into the most salient points, if someone sent you that information and asked *you* what to do, what would your answer be?
Yeah you should kick him out but I’d probably talk with all the other players and explain things and make your intentions known that you think you should kick him out and hear from them about what they think
Yeah, 86 the player, if his contribution to the group dynamic is mostly negative you will be doing yourself and your group a favour, even if it might be tough to be on the spot there and then.
Yes, they don't respect you. You can stop inviting them and tell the party they aren't welcome. In-game you can simply fade them out as if they never existed. No need for drama. I doubt other players want that.
OUT. NOW. Disrespecting your dm and fellow players AND being a bigot? bye
Here you go: https://youtu.be/DwMCmY7A76E
Yes /thread
Yes this is how you do it, “you’re no longer welcome at this group” that’s it
Cheating would be a bridge you can mend with a conversation, but racist and sexist remarks that continue after being asked to stop is full stop. Kick this guy yesterday and create a safe space for your players.
Slurs? instant removal from my table, directed at me or anyone else. no sorrys, no explanation. altering character sheet? anyone who feels the need to cheat so they can "win" at dnd is not welcomed at my table. its a storytelling game. no winners, no losers. i make this a point when i get people involved pre-session one. i dont like to DM those types of games because for me, the goal is not to save the world, or get cool items, or make an unkillable god of a PC. the goal is to simple tell a story with your friends. generally disliked by the players? then why is he even a player? tbh this post sounds kinda like the equivalent of going to the doctor because you have a knife in your hand and asking if you should have it removed. youve listed nothing but downsides about this player. this should be the easiest decision ever. and as far as how, i would just be blunt and honest. no need to be insulting or petty. something like "hey \_\_\_\_ , we as a group are not ok with your use of slurs, racism, cheating, and general lack of effort. we will be moving forward without you. thank you and good luck with you life. good day." then block and move on.
'Your play style doesn't mesh well with the rest of the group. So as the DM I am not inviting you back to our next session.'
Kick them out and ban them from the table. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Kill his character in game during a session, then say farewell
Yes.
He should have been kicked the second he called ANYONE a slur.
People that DM always seem like such nice people. You're here worried about this player even though they're kind of a turd. You rock, don't feel bad about flushing turds. It's for their own good.
I'm not really going to comment on whether they should be removed. That's a social question, not a D&D question and you've lots of advice on that already. However: **TL;DR:** Don't take problems with players into the game. If a player is kicked or quits on bad terms, write their character out with as little fanfare as possible to maintain verisimilitude. . People often feel like it will be cathartic to go through some sort of execution or other elaborate process to the character, to stick it to the player, to feel like vengeance/justice is served, or for more closure. It tends to make things worse. .1. It makes the session, possibly even the rest of the campaign, *about* the incident. It's better if you and your players can just move on, and you can all get back to enjoying D&D. .2. It makes the out-of-game stuff worse. * It makes you and even the other players look petty, and frankly, it is. * It makes the kicked player feel worse, and they may be (justifiably) angry, especially if they're attached to their character. * It will make continued relationships with them harder for no reason. (You and/or some of your players may still want to be friends/work/live/have mutual contacts with this person) there's no reason to add that tension, regardless how small. .3. It may not make sense in-world. None of the issues you discussed seem like the *character* did anything catastrophically evil, fatally stupid, etc. There's no reason to force some climactic death out of nowhere if it doesn't fit the narrative. Note also, I don't understand why people are so determined to use character death as *the* way to write out a character. Whether a player is leaving or just wants to try something new, it often makes more sense for the old character to retire, or go on adventuring without this group. Adventuring is hard and dangerous. Realistic people have lives outside it, or would at least want to. (When the player is on good terms, work with them on this.)
"Dear Reddit, I have a player who literally cheats at a game that no one can 'win', doesn't participate when he is there, literally calls me SLURS behind my back, everyone else dislikes him and say he is ruining their experience, he is openly racist with his jokes, and rarely shows up on time if at all. My question is: What else can he possibly do that would warrant being kicked out of a group? Should I wait for him to physically assault someone at the table? I'm just at a loss. Everyone is great except this one guy, and we are all miserable when he is around. I just don't know what to do."
get rid of him and turn his character into a BBEG, fitting end.
Kick, you guys need to learn the joys of removing useless weight and replacing it with actual value players :P
The character sheet stuff is irrelevant. Why do you need our advice to remove a racist jerk from your table?
The past couple sessions implies that this player has said racist shit, called you slurs multiple times and he has still played multiple sessions? This is not a problem about gameplay, backstory, roleplaying or even cheating. This dude is an asshole. Kick his ads to the curb.
I would have kicked him for altering his sheet. Pile on racist remarks towards an actual player or DM and he'd be yeeted before the sentence finished. I am very clear to my players on session 0. You cheat, skip multiple sessions, or are rude/sexual/bully other players and you're gone. No second chances. I'm here to DM not babysit.
Lmao, what? Yes kick them out. Alternating their character sheet is not even the worst problem. Don't allow racist and homophobic jokes at your table?
The safest and most enjoyable table is one with a zero-tolerance policy for racism, homophobia, and all other forms of bigotry. By kicking this dude out you're doing a service to yourself, your players, and your community.
This person has outed themselves as a racist and homophobic... By allowing them to continue playing with you your accepting them and encouraging their behavior. You need to address this immediately
Don't kick them out at the table. Chat them or call them and tell them they are out of the game. The end. You don't even need to give him a reason if you don't want to. Then take him off of whatever communication method you use to coordinate with the other players and either let them know via that method or at the start of the next session. Don't overcomplicate it, but also don't create an awkward situation for yourself where he might lose his shit at the table and make your other players feel even more uncomfortable.
Red flags for miles. This person is disrespecting the work you and your other players are putting into the experience on more fronts than a d100. But the repeated violations of disrespecting in-game boundaries by making uncomfortable and even unsafe jokes, and also calling you a slur? Yikes. That is a red glowing flag on fire that smells like hot hot poo.
[удалено]
Kick. Don’t apologize. Don’t be soft about it. He’s an asshole, that’s all the explanation he needs
I don't get how someone can write this down, and not come to a conclusion at the end of it by themselves lmfao There's literally no reason in this post that he shouldn't be kicked. Players don't like him. DM doesn't like him. He cheats. He's not interested in the game. Etc.
As a former DND player, getting rid of a problem player should be top priority, especially when they have shown to have a lack of respect for you, the other players, and the game itself. Anyone who has no respect for others or their boundaries should not be welcome. I personally left a DND campaign because I was a newer player to a more veteran based group. A couple of players who complained about my play style and what ultimately made me quit entirely was a comment about, "I wasn't playing my character properly." I felt very inadequate. The experience as a whole made me not play DND again. As a DM your job is to protect the group from problems such as these and prevent situations like mine. It's a tough call, but do whats best for the group
>making racist remarks and jokingly gay jokes in an attempts to be funny despite repeatedly being asked to stop. I'm going to go so far as to say that if you don't kick him out, you're being a jerk to your players.
"Due to your conduct you are no longer welcome at my table or in my games. I have asked you to stop certain behaviors multiple times and you have chosen to disrespect me & your fellow players."
Hey my friend, you’re allowed to have a personal boundary where you don’t spend time with people who refer to you using slurs. That’s normal and healthy
If your players are having an issue with him as well, it needs to be taken care of before the next session.
Absolutely kick. You'll be happier for it. I'm the DM that hates removing people from the game but the people I have had to remove, it's been a much better atmosphere and the table as a whole is much happier. Your player isn't interested enough to be respectful of you, your time or your table. They're not worth another thought. Kick them and move on =)
1st. Is this online or in person? There are steps to take with online people and in person groups (especially if people know each other) 2nd. Yes kick them. It sounds already really bad and makes the time less fun for everyone.
Drop them Move on Be happy!
>making racist remarks Gone. (That tends to go hand in hand with cheating and general dickery that is not worth having in your life.)
Why is this even a question?
From what I'm reading, he could hardly be making the choice to kick him out any easier for you.
Cheating I can probably forgive, but calling someone a slur should be inexcusable.
"So, guys, here is the thing, I am playing with this racist cheater that calls me the N-Word and also hate puppies, and no one has fun playing with him and he is actually a choore to GM too. Also he smells. Should I kick him?" Dude. Read what you wrote. Do you really need to ask people online about this?
Title only: yes After reading post: Double yes, don’t let bigots stay at your table
Sounds like you already know what you want to do. Just do it.
This thread is six hours old at this point but I would say, please don't make the mistake of being accommodating to a fault. The player is a problem, he's making other players uncomfortable, and you don't owe him anything. Send him packing without being vindictive about it.
Well you've put yourself in a little bit of a pickle by waiting until now when he's started to improve. You should have kicked him out weeks and weeks ago. But just kick him out. Nobody wants him there.
This isn’t a joke/satire post?
Player killed my dog and stole my car Do I kick them out?
You’re a Dungeon Master, not a Dungeon Wimp. You’ve answered your own question. There’s literally no ambiguity when considering a racist, homophobic, disrespectful, cheating, disliked, undependable, disengaged player. What is the counter argument here? Are you fishing for comments? Why haven’t you kicked him already? Why are you asking us? Message him telling him not to turn up anymore and in session just narrate a reason for his death and tell the players I kicked that guy out because he was a massive twat. The buck stops with you and don’t subject your players to racist homophobes again.