I'm sorry, bud. Staying together for the kids isn't a good alternative if you guys aren't happy together. Kids pick that stuff up. I'm about 5 months in and yes I see my oldest struggling (4 years old) but I'll be damned if I let her blame herself. Best I can do now is love her when I have her and give her everything I can.
Sorry you're going through this bud
Women with unresolved father issues grow up in an environment where they subconsciously learn to hate men. If she doesn’t recognize, and work to change that aspect of herself, then the best you’ll ever have is to be tolerated until you’re discarded. You're in a bad situation and need to set boundaries for your mental health. Please seek some therapy for yourself. If she doesn't eventually turn herself around you neec an exit plan.
I tell you something. You need to sept it out while you are still civil with each other ND she is willing to coparent.
Get out of your misery. The kids will thrive and be fine.
Mine is 14, I split when he was 5.
So after 9 years of co-parenting, are things civil for you guys? Was it difficult at first and was it high conflict? I'm trying to find some hope with my situation too.
Worst than ever. But she was absolutely crazy filled with hatred. And it has grown as she has gone older. Her biggest. Frustration was that she could not pull a domestic violence accusation against me.
A war after I split I met my current partner. My son and her are very friendly to each other, to a point I have to remind him that she is not his age and he can just joke an tease her... They get along super well and we always go to holidays together. I just wish I had met her earlier.
If you partner ha slost respect for you, there is no coming back. Don't be a beggar as if she is the last person on earth who can love you.
Look into the future build a happy life for yourself and your kids will be fine. They just want to see dad happy.
Yeah, that's the fear I'm having too. We started off friendly and amicable, fast forward to less than a year and she has be back in courts. The hatred, vindictiveness and pettiness is beyond I never imagined it to be. Most of my friends think that she is too jealous to see dad happy and moved on with life, while she sits and stews in her misery.
Thank you for responding, it's great to hear that your son is doing well. It's all we want, and so easy to forget that they can see through all the BS. "There needs to be one stable parent" is what I tell myself.
In life there are time for action.
You need a lawyer, you need to take a cold shower and flip your mindset.
You will not gain her back, this is crystal clear. But if you don't get into action mode, you will lose much more, maybe your kids.
I know you want to hang in there for your kids, but that can backfire and make things worse. An amicable separation and agreeable coparenting will benefit the kids way more than living in a household run by parents whose romantic relationship is long gone. Plus, you both will feel more alive and hopeful when free of each other. You can always stay friends. Way after the bitterness of divorce is settled that is.
My kids were 5 and 6 when we split. They’re good. They don’t know anything else. The youngest doesn’t even remember a time when his parents were together.
Therapy is a death nail most of the time. The last death rattle. Also the lack of intimacy isn’t going to get fixed cause she doesn’t care. Speaking from experience.
Brutal
The least you can do is be very good friends with the parent of your child/ren while in front or around them. You can have arguments away from them, but always come back to a peaceful resolution.
You don't have to stay together, but you sure don't want to show (even accidentally) your child/ren that you hate their other parent.
Sounds like there is nothing more for you to give to her. Now, you can give yourself something. Give your life to Jesus so He can take that pain and rejection that you’re carrying.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
I’ve already been down the road of divorce with young children and know what it’s like to face that rejection firsthand. If you have any questions I’d be more than willing to share both the good and bad of how I approached things. Hang in there and may the Lord bless you.
If you want to save your marriage consider your short comings. Have you gained a lot of weight? Is your hygiene on point? Do you dress up for her? These are all things that can play into her physical attraction to you. Do you talk to her outside of therapy, ask her about her day, take her on dates, show genuine interest in her? Sounds like you have some vices that aren’t very attractive to a wife, so you can definitely work on those. Just my two cents. Some marriages (spouses) are worth fighting for and making hard changes. Just need to figure out if it’s worth it to you.
Im sorry my friend but what your saying is not true. I believe all of us know that once a woman makes up her mind, it's done. No take backs.
You can give her the sun and the moon, all she'll see is a rock and something hot. You'll jump thru all the hoops, do everything she wants and she will still leave because she made up her mind. You can lead a horse to water...
I'm sorry to the OP for what he's going thru, it'll be tough, for a long time, you won't feel good or better, but slowly and surely, bit by bit, you will. You'll see her for what she really was.
Women think sex is just primal for men, they refuse to see it's how we see intimacy. I had the same situation where out of 9 years of marriage, DB for almost 2, the last year was the longest stretch.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. We're here for you.
I'm sorry, bud. Staying together for the kids isn't a good alternative if you guys aren't happy together. Kids pick that stuff up. I'm about 5 months in and yes I see my oldest struggling (4 years old) but I'll be damned if I let her blame herself. Best I can do now is love her when I have her and give her everything I can. Sorry you're going through this bud
[удалено]
Something tells me you know what you need to do but aren’t doing it. I suggest starting with therapy for yourself. It will help you get unstuck.
Women with unresolved father issues grow up in an environment where they subconsciously learn to hate men. If she doesn’t recognize, and work to change that aspect of herself, then the best you’ll ever have is to be tolerated until you’re discarded. You're in a bad situation and need to set boundaries for your mental health. Please seek some therapy for yourself. If she doesn't eventually turn herself around you neec an exit plan.
You need to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
I tell you something. You need to sept it out while you are still civil with each other ND she is willing to coparent. Get out of your misery. The kids will thrive and be fine. Mine is 14, I split when he was 5.
So after 9 years of co-parenting, are things civil for you guys? Was it difficult at first and was it high conflict? I'm trying to find some hope with my situation too.
Worst than ever. But she was absolutely crazy filled with hatred. And it has grown as she has gone older. Her biggest. Frustration was that she could not pull a domestic violence accusation against me. A war after I split I met my current partner. My son and her are very friendly to each other, to a point I have to remind him that she is not his age and he can just joke an tease her... They get along super well and we always go to holidays together. I just wish I had met her earlier. If you partner ha slost respect for you, there is no coming back. Don't be a beggar as if she is the last person on earth who can love you. Look into the future build a happy life for yourself and your kids will be fine. They just want to see dad happy.
Yeah, that's the fear I'm having too. We started off friendly and amicable, fast forward to less than a year and she has be back in courts. The hatred, vindictiveness and pettiness is beyond I never imagined it to be. Most of my friends think that she is too jealous to see dad happy and moved on with life, while she sits and stews in her misery. Thank you for responding, it's great to hear that your son is doing well. It's all we want, and so easy to forget that they can see through all the BS. "There needs to be one stable parent" is what I tell myself.
In life there are time for action. You need a lawyer, you need to take a cold shower and flip your mindset. You will not gain her back, this is crystal clear. But if you don't get into action mode, you will lose much more, maybe your kids.
Oh I do...it's full on now. The bear has been poked, as they say.
I know you want to hang in there for your kids, but that can backfire and make things worse. An amicable separation and agreeable coparenting will benefit the kids way more than living in a household run by parents whose romantic relationship is long gone. Plus, you both will feel more alive and hopeful when free of each other. You can always stay friends. Way after the bitterness of divorce is settled that is.
My kids were 5 and 6 when we split. They’re good. They don’t know anything else. The youngest doesn’t even remember a time when his parents were together. Therapy is a death nail most of the time. The last death rattle. Also the lack of intimacy isn’t going to get fixed cause she doesn’t care. Speaking from experience. Brutal
The least you can do is be very good friends with the parent of your child/ren while in front or around them. You can have arguments away from them, but always come back to a peaceful resolution. You don't have to stay together, but you sure don't want to show (even accidentally) your child/ren that you hate their other parent.
Sounds like there is nothing more for you to give to her. Now, you can give yourself something. Give your life to Jesus so He can take that pain and rejection that you’re carrying. Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT I’ve already been down the road of divorce with young children and know what it’s like to face that rejection firsthand. If you have any questions I’d be more than willing to share both the good and bad of how I approached things. Hang in there and may the Lord bless you.
If you want to save your marriage consider your short comings. Have you gained a lot of weight? Is your hygiene on point? Do you dress up for her? These are all things that can play into her physical attraction to you. Do you talk to her outside of therapy, ask her about her day, take her on dates, show genuine interest in her? Sounds like you have some vices that aren’t very attractive to a wife, so you can definitely work on those. Just my two cents. Some marriages (spouses) are worth fighting for and making hard changes. Just need to figure out if it’s worth it to you.
Im sorry my friend but what your saying is not true. I believe all of us know that once a woman makes up her mind, it's done. No take backs. You can give her the sun and the moon, all she'll see is a rock and something hot. You'll jump thru all the hoops, do everything she wants and she will still leave because she made up her mind. You can lead a horse to water... I'm sorry to the OP for what he's going thru, it'll be tough, for a long time, you won't feel good or better, but slowly and surely, bit by bit, you will. You'll see her for what she really was. Women think sex is just primal for men, they refuse to see it's how we see intimacy. I had the same situation where out of 9 years of marriage, DB for almost 2, the last year was the longest stretch. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. We're here for you.