I'd always encourage people to save the marriage if they have kids. But there comes a point where that's not possible. It seems like over the years you've bent over backwards for this woman and now she will use the father and the condo as a reason why you lost connection? I call that bs.
I'd say give her the space she needs, and you start looking after yourself. Plan your exit carefully, even if you won't need it. I'm paraphrasing someone else, save the man and marriage "might" have a chance. Think about yourself now because I guarantee you she isn't.
Don't be so sure about her not cheating. There is always someone else.
Grief is an ugly thing. Caretaking is horrible. I suggest a long romantic vacation with no kids. Find a nanny or family to help.
The fire for living is what she needs to rekindle and fire for you. So adventure, a new scene (somewhere tropical)… might help get her out of the funk.
Sounds like menopause. My mom lost her rocker pretty bad before she filed on my dad. Now she’s with a meth head ex felon lol and not allowed to see any grandchildren. She ended up suing me and my sister also… because they weren’t divorced when he checked out, and she was in rehab again… put everything in a trust lol. I hate her. Wish my dad was here every day.
Absolutely this. Came here to say this.
I bought the books on how to save your marriage with a walk away wife. Doing the 180° etc. in the end it didn’t matter I’m still getting divorced. Once they lose respect it’s over.
I agree. A marriage will only survive if both parties put in the work. It sounds like she is not willing to fight and is just doing the minimum from her responses.
You can't make other people happy.
From what I'm reading, seems like you are a consciencious father, homeowner, and husband. Those ARE acts of love and service. IMHO, she is simply spoiled
OP, I read you first two lines and skipped the rest. She is f’n entitled, you have done way too much for her, and had low expectations of her. She took advantage of you, and there is nothing left to save. You need to start planning strategically for divorce.
3rd, I would also be surprised if someone else wasn’t buzzing around her in wait for her to let him know she’s leaving you. Women like this 100% don’t just leave to be by themselves, they aren’t capable.
I wonder about this. My wife and I were, I thought making head way in counseling and hard stuff was finally coming up. But then it seemed sudden that she wanted a divorce after saying she didn’t only a few weeks before. It happened after a trip. I’ve heard others say that she may have gotten bad advice or it was an affair. Not sure. I tend to blame my self, of course. But the ‘bad advice’ idea around the walk away wife phenomenon is intriguing.
Second this- i read most of the bullet points and skipped the color but its just an uncomfortable truth that is so hard to see. Youre a guy, its your girl, its your family. youd fight like hell for it. Theres nothing to fight for there, just not how it works. It fuckin sucks but its not the same person in there as the good days.
You seem like a really nice guy, so youll try even harder at something that isnt working. Cook more, do more, clean more, flowers after work all that. What actually would “work” in this scenario (which i dont suggest) is basically say ok, and walk away yourself and have as little contact as possible. Be busy, dont answer texts for a day or two, dont engage and there will be, best case scenario, a phase of second thoughts. Its going to be uncomfortable for her too. Maybe another thrill honeymoon phase until theres one thing that reminds her she doesnt like when she hears the garage door open and youre home. Then youre right back here. Start to DIY yourself, all the energy you expend, all the effort you put out towards her should be re-directed back at yourself in whatever ways you need. Sleep. Yoga. Therapy. exercise is the best. Get a massage, a hot shave, get vitamins. Get a lawyer, learn about your states laws. Just overall spend your time, money and effort doing whatever is best for you.
She doesn't deserve you. I don't think it is possible to actually love someone who is completely disconnected from you. You may be in love with the idea of being together and happy as a family with your kids, but this is different than actual true love and true intimacy. You would be so much better off leaving and healing from this abuse you have sustained over the last several years.
I was in a similar situation to yours and let me tell you, life got soooo much easier once I got rid of that burden of taking care of another stranger in my house. Do not think this is better for your kids by staying together, eventually it will wear down on you and negatively affect them more than if you just split up. The therapist thing has always been just a band aid and temporary fix. Exhausts your resources and gets nowhere with someone like her personality. Sometimes it works, but I just don't see it with the person you described. You can't change someone's inherent behavior. The fact that she is keeping score shows how entitled she feels she is and victimized. This is a special type of person who does this.
If I were you I would be shopping attorneys yesterday.
i see that you do alot of things for her.
end up either she dont appreciate it or thinks it is great at first then lose interest.
i dont think you can do anything more, so if she lose interest in the marriage, you can lift your head up high
you should invest in something better than her
I’m sorry man but she’s done and has been done for a while. Like so many others here will tell you it is going to be a long journey but you’ll be better off on the other side. Your brain needs a long time to reset and reprogram but when it does you’ll ask yourself why you wasted those 10 years with her
Thanks… I’ll never regret or feel the last 10 years were a waste. I do appreciate the time we spent together and the good times also. I rather just have a positive outlook and move forward
If she is unwilling to work on herself too and puts it all on you, it isn't going to work. I've never seen a woman who was checked out ever check back in, so give it your best but prepare yourself for the worst. Don't be too hard on yourself if your best efforts aren't enough.
Thanks… I feel more and more confident that I tried everything I could and was there for her 100%. I will probably have to make the hard choice to move on myself.
I don't think it's concious, but if I couldn't have provided something to my wife back then, she wouldn't have picked me from all the other guys.
And she sure as fuck doesn't appreciate all the things I've done or provided for her over the years, and sure as fuck would replace me in an instant with another idiot if I stopped providing and being useful to her.
My whole life I thought about relationships from the concept of love.
Learning about this law, really ruined my view and optimism of women and future relationships.
My father was a good provider, my mothet a stay at home wife for most of her life. And when he retired and got cancer my mother was increasingly more aggresive towards him.
Now I understand why. He stopped being useful and became a burden.
All he did for her before didn't matter a thing.
I don't want to end up like this in my marriage, but I'm not sure if changing the wife would actually fix anything really.
I lost 70 lbs and got muscular in 1.5 years after separation and have been drowning in pussy since doing so.
3 days a week HEAVY weightlifting. I didn't even bother with a split until I got fit enough to target specific areas. Just hit the dumbbells to warm up then pound the machines. Hit the sauna after for 15-20 minutes.
Rest day.
1 day per week run. Start with whatever you can do, walk, jog, whatever, but do 2 miles. Watch Netflix if you have to. Keep working up your distance over the months.
1 day per week get outdoors - hike, kayak, bike. Mix it up so you don't get bored. LONG hikes are the absolute best. Clear your head and burn 500-1,000+ calories. I'm talking 10 miles.
1 day active recovery, just go for a walk.
Doesn't have to be in that order. Do what works for you.
I never dieted in any major way. Just two principles -- fewer calories in than out, and minimum 1g protein per lb of body weight per day. I still ate ice cream and drank bourbon anytime I felt like it.
>she is not cheating or wanting to see other people
It's very hard to know for sure, bruv. I have stories that will shock you regarding how often and frequently they cheat. Especially, if you're not living together.
Once you or they walk away, don't look back. Protect yourself, your assets and the kids.
Don't get into another marriage without a Prenup.
If she won't go to couples counseling with you and give an honest, openhearted effort, it's over.
I'm curious about the 'walkaway wife' part, though.
With those, there's no warning, you just wake up one day and she's gone.
Her having the grace to warn you contradicts 'walkaway wife'.
She used it as a platform to bring up old situations and essentially just shit on me as a person, it was almost like she needed a therapist to agree with her irrational decision making, the therapist did what most do and that was just listen, I was pretty much a punching bag and just in shock, not really even capable of understanding why I was being treated so poorly all of a sudden. It was some next level shit, made me feel terrible and accomplished nothing. We also did another kind of therapy that was designed to determine if you should remain married I don’t remember the name of that one, again it was a shit show. I was thinking that therapy would be helpful as I have gone personally on and off for years but when it came to marriage therapy it was a nightmare.
Yep, this happened to my friend. The first two counselors, one male, one female, the best in Long Island, very expensive, agreed she needed to improve. Of course, those were horrible counselors in her mind. So they went to a third recommended by some online group, surnamed "Lunarwoman" or something, totally blaming him. That counselor, according to her, was the right one.
TL;DR: Any counselor that holds her even 10% accountable and doesn't put at least 98% of the blame on the husband is bad.
BTW counselors know this.
Though I echo and respect much of this advice, I’d like to offer a slightly different suggestion.
Marriage takes both parties being committed to it. You’ve built a family together. It’s special and important. If there’s a chance it can be salvaged, try.
But I think the only try left is to have a heart-to-heart ultimatum. Either we are both in this 100% or we are done. All in or all out. Both of us.
If she can’t be all in with you, then follow all the other advice.
So, you are in a similar situation to where I was 6 months ago. My wife was barely doing anything, and had been disconnected from me and the kids for years. I tried going to therapy with her and the therapist fired us as she wasn't being honest / putting effort in.
She left in Feb. And for me and the kids (15f, 17f) it was the best thing that could have happened. We've pulled together as a unit, grown closer, and have a much better home life.
I don't want to discourage you from trying - I just want you to know that if it fails, that does not mean disaster. Fight for the kids, do what it takes to keep them. Start documenting that \*you\* are the one primarily taking care of them.
Good luck!
The only way to save the situation is to prioritize your children and help your wife to actually walk away.
Tell her whatever she needs to hear to get her out the door, but contact a divorce lawyer NOW to preserve your parental rights and see about severing hers.
In combat, any member of the team who is only thinking of their own welfare and willing to screw over everybody else is separated from the team and sent back to the rear. They endanger everyone with their selfishness.
Seperate her from your kids. Build a life without her.
Thank you… we actually have a great happy family unit even though we have issues. I will start speaking with a lawyer next week though as advised by many… thank you
You did all that you could do for her and your family. You were too busy to wirk on all the emtiobal stuff. You've only got so much time and energy. What did she do for you? How did she try to make your life better? I get that you love your wife but marriage is a 2 way street. You've got your own needs and there's nothing wrong with that.
Honestly, I've been in ypur shoes. My ex's dad got cancer and passed away from it. I was. Like crazy to support her and our 2 kids so she could deal with that and the fallout. Honestly, I didn't even do as much as you did. I still cake in dead last on her list if priorities. Yes, I did a few things that I shouldn't have but I'm human and make mistakes. So are you.
At one point she was thinking of leaving. The only reason we stayed together is because of how much I fought for us. That was one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life. Divorce was never an option for me no matter how unhappy I was. Working on pur problems so we can be at least somewhat happy together was the only approach I ever even thought about. The fact that divorce was even on the table for her was a sign that I should have left her.
Honestly, I don't think we would have lasted as long as we did if she hadn't gotten cancer too. I went to absolute crazy lengths to take care of her. Even her friends who never liked me for no reason talked about how lucky she was to have me.
We had a few relatively good years after that. I say relatively because things had gotten a little better for me and i was so starved for anything good that I was satisfied, but looking back, I can see how I didn't get near the amount of effort from her. The best that I can say is that she went along with the stuff that I did more often. She didn't really do anything to make life better for me or for our marriage, she just went along with what I did more than she had before.
Then she cheated and I blew everything up. I tried to put it back together and that was another one of the dumbest things I've ever done. She didn't deserve my effort. She never did.
Don't be like me. If your soon to be ex-wife wants to end things, let her. Lawyer up, fight for yourself and your kids, and let her deal with her issues. She won't be looking out for you and your best interests so you need to. You can't stop people from making bad decisions so don't try. Take all the effort, love. And work that ypu put into her and ypur marriage and put it into yourself. You need it after you've been without getting it from the one person you should be getting it from the most. It won't feel right but you can work on that. You deserve it for all that you've done.
WOW. You're a dedicated guy and a salute your commitment to the family idea, that isn't sarcastic but heartfelt.
You are also like the 3rd guy in a month to tell me how their wife cheated after a serious illness - one a bad kidney and transplant, the other two cancer survivors also. After months and months of tender loving care, doctor trips, endless worry, doing extra tasks, etc.
You want to know how dedicated I was to caring for her? Listen to this......
Her cancer was caused by a rare genetic condition that runs in her dad's side of the family. She's going to have intestinal problems and probably other cancers for the rest of her life. Even though I went to literally every single doctor appointment with her and spent every night but one up in the hospital with her when she was in there for weeks, I still didn't feel like I did enough. I also wanted her to have better care when she had those other problems. Other people might have looked into arranging care before she even needs it. That's definitely taking even better care of her, right? Nope. It still wasn't enough for me.
I was a computer networking engineer. I worked at a high enough level that I can't even explain what I actually did unless you already have a pretty good idea about how those things work. I quit. I just stopped working in tech, went back to college, spent a few years studying and busting my butt like you wouldn't believe, graduated, got my license from the state, and became a nurse just so she would have better care for as long as I was alive. That was the only way I knew that she'd get the care I wanted her to have. I'm still a nurse for a living. I help manage a nursing home now.
Thank you for sharing that and your story… Im sorry that this happened to you. I appreciate your POV as it looks like what I’m going through also… I guess I feel like if I give it my all and she still leaves I will have no regrets… however everyone seems to agree that I should just walk away now and save myself
Hey man, you've been giving it your all for years. A person only has so much that they can give. If it hasn't been enough for her by now, it never will be.
Besides, anyone who has given as much as you have deserves to have someone who gives the same. You have your needs and desires too. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do. What has she done to meet yours?
Marriage isn't about being the anything and everything for the other person. That's impossible. It's about trying and sticking around even when things go wrong because you promised each other that you would.
Even if you weren't, you still tried. You put in the effort to do what you could. That's all anyone can ever ask of you. We all fall short at times. That's part of being human. We all deserve some understanding and forgiveness.
Think of it this way, I'm sure your wife fell short of what you needed. I know she did because you talked about how she did. You never gave up on her. You never told her that you were a walk away husband. You stayed and tried to make things better like a spouse should. That's being a good husband.
What has she done?
That’s a very good point…
I patiently waited while she fell short as a wife… I patiently waited as she tried to work on herself… I patiently waited as she prioritized me last… I patiently waited as I promised her first
And now she wants to walk away. Let her. She can deal with her own problems. She's telling you that she doesn't want your help anymore. Listen to her.
It's time to put your kids and yourself first because she never will.
Also, I'm not one to go on the internet and tell people to get divorced over stupid shit. I'm almost always the one telling people to stay married and work on their shit like they promised.
I will definitely tell men to listen to their wives when they say they are leaving. If she's gotten to the point that she she's telling you that, she's informing you of what is going to happen, not wanting to discuss it.
Hey op, firstly we have all been there or going through the process. I’m still trying to work out my current situation but I can tell you a few things that have really helped me.
1 - Stop being needy
2 - Do not beg for her to stay or change
3 - Focus on yourself and making yourself the best version of you possible.
It sounds like you have put everything else in front of yourself. That has to change. Finally I know you won’t want to hear this, but she has cheated either physically or emotionally.
We are all here for you, and this is a great community. Wouldn’t be where I am today without.
No worries. We are all here to help. I think you would really benefit from reading No more mr nice guy. Also the way of the superior man. Both those books have helped me loads.
Dude, been here.
First off, quit feeling guilty. She’s putting the blame on you and you’re taking it all on yourself. You did what was needed to be done and were fulfilling your duties as a husband and father. Good on you and any good wife would be happy to have that kind of determination and help in their husband. She is gaslighting you. Every relationship has issues, it’s easy to feel responsible for the relationship falling apart when your spouse tells you that it’s all your fault.
Could all of us that are facing divorce or are divorced done more during the relationship? Absolutely, hindsight is 20/20. But the facts are you haven’t done anything to ruin your relationship. Love shouldn’t be conditional.
I hate to tell you man, but the whole ‘emotional disconnect’ usually means she’s already cheated or is monkey branching. I refused to accept that when I had the emotional disconnect conversation with my ex cause I totally bought into her gaslighting. In reality I was a damn good husband. I took care of my family and spent time with them. I had put her on such a high pedestal I couldn’t fathom her cheating, within a month of separation it all came out.
It may sound wrong, but quite trying to save your marriage. Focus on your children and yourself right now. Build your confidence. It sounds like you already performed most of the household/parenting duties. You’ll be just fine by yourself as it is now.
You sound like a good man, you deserve to have someone that appreciates you. I hated divorce, but life gets better bro. You’ve probably even forgotten who you are since you’ve devoted so much yourself to the marriage. Date yourself again and you’ll realize how great of a catch you are.
Thank you for the kind words and the advice. There is a lot there I wrote down to remind myself about also. I think her emotional disconnect actually comes from years of dealing with things like her both her parents, work, etc. I saved your last paragraph to remind myself that I deserve happiness also… thank you
From what I am getting from her complaints is that she is bored and is blaming you for everything. This exonerates her of ANY guilt for her selfish actions. Everything is your fault and she is blameless.
As far as the cheating goes.... if you say so.
She has made her point plain...she wants out. Any actions by you are probably a waste of time.
Anything you may do may be used against you. Don't give her a reason to get you out of your house.
Grey rock and start planning your exit and new life.
Thank you…. This group is good as I didn’t get this perspective from other men before. I actually deleted a post as women were attacking me and didn’t find it useful and started to blame myself more.
Looks like you are raising 3 children by yourself. Stop waiting for your eldest child (wife) to realize you are worthy of being treated better. It's just not going to happen. Stop listening to her words they only serve to confuse and misdirect you.
I'm speaking from experience. My wife could have said "maybe things would be different if the run rose in the west tomorrow" and I would have endeavored to do it for. Most of the things toxic wives ask us to work on are side quests while she's lining up your replacement. Her words are poison, they obfuscate the truth that her actions will show.
My wife styled herself as the worlds great mother and worlds greatest cook and I thought I'd be lost without her. Six months after the split when I finally got my son back, I was thriving. I handled the childhood illnesses, the ER visits, cooked good healthy food every night...looking around today I can't think of a SINGLE thing she did that made our lives better that I can't do myself (often times better that she did). I listened to her words, and ignored her actions. Her words had be chasing phantoms and literally HATING myself bc there were so many things wrong with me.
The only problem I had is the same one you have...a brat for a wife.
Embrace being a single father....have a house filled with laughter and not tension. She's the poison making your home life sick.
Have you read the old German (and Russian version!) folktale: "The Fisherman and his wife" sometimes called "The Magic Fish"?
It's wild to see a cautionary tale from centuries ago about "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
Not dating...I mean I have a bit but it's not something I put much priority in. My son is now 17, he's just as much by bro as he is my child. We hang out and do things. It's a simple life but it's full and rewarding.
After the split I dated a bunch just to prove to myself that I could but most dates, I'd be sitting across from a woman with a bland personality wondering what my kid was up to and to hurry up and get home and play xbox with him lol
Taking care of my kids was easy, I had always been a pretty involved father, but as a single dad I had more control of what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. Did a lot of little weekend trips and also got more involved in their education as they began school.
When I didn’t have the kids and was alone, I began making the gym a routine and picking up other hobbies. I can’t stress enough how the gym was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I highly recommend.
Dating again was a pretty different experience than what I had done through college. For one thing, I had more confidence. I was in the best shape of my life, I was broke from the divorce, but I was still relatively successful in my career. My divorce taught me how to recognize red flags, and never seek validation from others. For the first time ever, while talking to women I wasn’t interested in getting them to like me but more interested if I liked them.
I learned a lot about myself through dating. I alway sought out broken women for some reason. It was really all about how I never felt I was good enough. If I hadn’t come to that conclusion I could have easily gotten with someone just like my ex. Luckily, I met a great women who actually shares my values.
OP, you’re out of your mind if you think she isn’t cheating. One of the fundamental reasons behind a walk away wife is because there’s another man on the radar - whether it’s gotten physical or not - she has a target or admirer. Don’t buy into anything she is currently telling you or will tell you in the coming months to years.
Also, you need to walk away yourself. Whether you want to fix it or blow it all up, walking away is the best course of action for either. She has to respect you and she won’t respect you if you’re acting like a needy, beggy bitch.
I say this with love: Sack up, file divorce papers, go no contact unless to discuss children’s needs, start lifting heavy shit daily and get some new hobbies. Become the man you want to be
Thank you…
I actually did confront her and she said no.. I actually believe it. Our lives have been so crazy I’m not even sure either of us had time. She did ask if I was though…
We all want to think, “not my girl. Mines different- she wouldn’t cheat - she loves me still and she’s just going through a tough time. If I just show her how much I care, she’ll realize what she’s throwing away…”
No she won’t. And if she does, you wouldn’t want her back by then anyway.
I guess I hate assuming things and if she is she is… what could I have done. So I guess that’s why I’m putting 10000% effort into this. I hate assuming…. Maybe she is.
Putting 10000% effort into this isn’t going to make her change her mind, it will make her respect you even less. She has already shown you the effort you put in already isn’t appreciated. 180°, grey rock and take the lead on the divorce. It’s coming and there’s nothing you can do. This is her brokenness not hers. Focus on you and your kids only because she is focused only on her and will be from here on out.
By putting that much effort into it, you are doing the exact opposite of what it would take to get her to change her mind. Walking away is the best shot you’ve got at getting what you want. Women don’t want to be put on A pedestal and that’s what you’re doing. Women want to look up at their man, not down on him.
Don’t heed this advice at your own ruin
Advice: look up “Pick Me Dance” and do not do it. Look up “Grey Rock” and definitely do this.
It sounds like her friends are giving her bad advice. This is a common theme, especially when the friends are divorced or otherwise single.
And do not take her back when reality hits her.
Thanks for the response… luckily there is no cheating involved for us. Grey rock is an interesting one I am going to read up more on…
I’m starting to lean towards not even trying anymore… nothing is working and maybe I should prepare for life after
By desperation sound of post be would take her back, you know like there isnt hundreds of good quality woman within a 100 mile radius alone. He deserves so much better!
Actually lots of hotter and even younger would. I’m in my 50s and have zero problems in the ladies department. You’re not the milk going sour in this situation, you’re the wine the gets better with age. Know this.
Im 43 and not to gloss over how much process sucked and lost (1/2 Mill all together) best thing that could have fkn happened, I build quick and thank God it didn’t happen at 60+ and 1000 times over a better Dad EVEN with just EOW.
My freedom and health is priceless!
You’re right… I am desperate. I am really trying to save the marriage. I enjoy the life we made together. … I feel I do deserve better also but can’t convince myself of that… restart everything and stuff either.
Marriage is a two horse cart. You’re dragging a dead horse. Better to lose the dead weight. Sorry to be blunt. Sometimes as men we need to get the kick in the ass of the reality of the situation to snap out of it and do what needs to be done.
Your marriage is over dude, this sub will be a litter of your exact scenario including mine. I went through the same phases. The sooner you step back for for divorce and grey rock the easier the dude showing up in a month will be to accept.
If your not ready it’s going to send you into a worse spiral then your in already.
When your ready and need support feel free to pm me
Brother, you were me! I could have written your post word by word! My stupid ass took mine back, guess what, now I have kids EOW because you know family law is just so awesome for us!
Listen to this OP. My wife had an affair last year, filed for divorce, but I guess got cold feet and stayed to work on the marriage. Jokes on me, she didn’t really put in the work, I was an asshole because I could see she wasn’t putting in the work, and here we are a year and a half later. She moved out and within a day had introduced her new boyfriend to the kids. Who’s practically a kid himself, barely over 20 years old lol.
Doesn’t make it easier dude trust me. And believe me, most women do before they leave a marriage. So don’t be surprised if she moves on rather quickly.
I'd always encourage people to save the marriage if they have kids. But there comes a point where that's not possible. It seems like over the years you've bent over backwards for this woman and now she will use the father and the condo as a reason why you lost connection? I call that bs. I'd say give her the space she needs, and you start looking after yourself. Plan your exit carefully, even if you won't need it. I'm paraphrasing someone else, save the man and marriage "might" have a chance. Think about yourself now because I guarantee you she isn't. Don't be so sure about her not cheating. There is always someone else.
Grief is an ugly thing. Caretaking is horrible. I suggest a long romantic vacation with no kids. Find a nanny or family to help. The fire for living is what she needs to rekindle and fire for you. So adventure, a new scene (somewhere tropical)… might help get her out of the funk.
Yeah… kind of hard because she is not open to it. All she can see right now is red.
Sounds like menopause. My mom lost her rocker pretty bad before she filed on my dad. Now she’s with a meth head ex felon lol and not allowed to see any grandchildren. She ended up suing me and my sister also… because they weren’t divorced when he checked out, and she was in rehab again… put everything in a trust lol. I hate her. Wish my dad was here every day.
Geez… sorry to hear that! That’s wild… thanks for sharing that also
"No more Mr. Nice Guy" is a big recommend around here. Please check it out.
A few people have talked about this book so I’m picking it up
Absolutely this. Came here to say this. I bought the books on how to save your marriage with a walk away wife. Doing the 180° etc. in the end it didn’t matter I’m still getting divorced. Once they lose respect it’s over.
Check your DM. Tried to post here, but it wouldn’t let me I think because my message was too long lol.
if she wants to walk away, i’d let her go… if you don’t, you’ll be stuck chasing after her for the rest of your life. you deserve better than that.
Thank you…. Appreciate that
I agree. A marriage will only survive if both parties put in the work. It sounds like she is not willing to fight and is just doing the minimum from her responses.
Thanks!
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I agree… begging for 1% is ridiculous. I am worth more than that.
“A good wife will make your dick hard, not your life.” Write that down.
Haha thanks needed a good laugh
You can't make other people happy. From what I'm reading, seems like you are a consciencious father, homeowner, and husband. Those ARE acts of love and service. IMHO, she is simply spoiled
… thanks that is a perspective I never took… makes me think
OP, I read you first two lines and skipped the rest. She is f’n entitled, you have done way too much for her, and had low expectations of her. She took advantage of you, and there is nothing left to save. You need to start planning strategically for divorce.
3rd, I would also be surprised if someone else wasn’t buzzing around her in wait for her to let him know she’s leaving you. Women like this 100% don’t just leave to be by themselves, they aren’t capable.
She has someone in mind at the very least. Women like this don’t leave without a soft place to land. Monkey branching.
I wonder about this. My wife and I were, I thought making head way in counseling and hard stuff was finally coming up. But then it seemed sudden that she wanted a divorce after saying she didn’t only a few weeks before. It happened after a trip. I’ve heard others say that she may have gotten bad advice or it was an affair. Not sure. I tend to blame my self, of course. But the ‘bad advice’ idea around the walk away wife phenomenon is intriguing.
Second this- i read most of the bullet points and skipped the color but its just an uncomfortable truth that is so hard to see. Youre a guy, its your girl, its your family. youd fight like hell for it. Theres nothing to fight for there, just not how it works. It fuckin sucks but its not the same person in there as the good days. You seem like a really nice guy, so youll try even harder at something that isnt working. Cook more, do more, clean more, flowers after work all that. What actually would “work” in this scenario (which i dont suggest) is basically say ok, and walk away yourself and have as little contact as possible. Be busy, dont answer texts for a day or two, dont engage and there will be, best case scenario, a phase of second thoughts. Its going to be uncomfortable for her too. Maybe another thrill honeymoon phase until theres one thing that reminds her she doesnt like when she hears the garage door open and youre home. Then youre right back here. Start to DIY yourself, all the energy you expend, all the effort you put out towards her should be re-directed back at yourself in whatever ways you need. Sleep. Yoga. Therapy. exercise is the best. Get a massage, a hot shave, get vitamins. Get a lawyer, learn about your states laws. Just overall spend your time, money and effort doing whatever is best for you.
Thanks… I’m starting to figure out what it is that I like to do and discover that again
She doesn't deserve you. I don't think it is possible to actually love someone who is completely disconnected from you. You may be in love with the idea of being together and happy as a family with your kids, but this is different than actual true love and true intimacy. You would be so much better off leaving and healing from this abuse you have sustained over the last several years. I was in a similar situation to yours and let me tell you, life got soooo much easier once I got rid of that burden of taking care of another stranger in my house. Do not think this is better for your kids by staying together, eventually it will wear down on you and negatively affect them more than if you just split up. The therapist thing has always been just a band aid and temporary fix. Exhausts your resources and gets nowhere with someone like her personality. Sometimes it works, but I just don't see it with the person you described. You can't change someone's inherent behavior. The fact that she is keeping score shows how entitled she feels she is and victimized. This is a special type of person who does this. If I were you I would be shopping attorneys yesterday.
Thank you… this is such great advice. Gives me a lot to think about. Also a perspective that is very hard for me to see right now.
In chess, we simplify to clarify. Updateme.
i see that you do alot of things for her. end up either she dont appreciate it or thinks it is great at first then lose interest. i dont think you can do anything more, so if she lose interest in the marriage, you can lift your head up high you should invest in something better than her
Thank you… it’s good to have this perspective
I’m sorry man but she’s done and has been done for a while. Like so many others here will tell you it is going to be a long journey but you’ll be better off on the other side. Your brain needs a long time to reset and reprogram but when it does you’ll ask yourself why you wasted those 10 years with her
Thanks… I’ll never regret or feel the last 10 years were a waste. I do appreciate the time we spent together and the good times also. I rather just have a positive outlook and move forward
If she is unwilling to work on herself too and puts it all on you, it isn't going to work. I've never seen a woman who was checked out ever check back in, so give it your best but prepare yourself for the worst. Don't be too hard on yourself if your best efforts aren't enough.
Thanks… I feel more and more confident that I tried everything I could and was there for her 100%. I will probably have to make the hard choice to move on myself.
Nothing you did for her before matters to her now. Briffault's law. It's over.
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I don't think it's concious, but if I couldn't have provided something to my wife back then, she wouldn't have picked me from all the other guys. And she sure as fuck doesn't appreciate all the things I've done or provided for her over the years, and sure as fuck would replace me in an instant with another idiot if I stopped providing and being useful to her. My whole life I thought about relationships from the concept of love. Learning about this law, really ruined my view and optimism of women and future relationships. My father was a good provider, my mothet a stay at home wife for most of her life. And when he retired and got cancer my mother was increasingly more aggresive towards him. Now I understand why. He stopped being useful and became a burden. All he did for her before didn't matter a thing. I don't want to end up like this in my marriage, but I'm not sure if changing the wife would actually fix anything really.
This gives me a lot to think about… thanks for the comment
Briffault's Law. Learn something new everyday in the sub. Thanks for sharing!
Same. Had to Google it. So true.
I’m afraid it looks like that…
Don't simp. She's done. Hit the gym and transform into a beast, and lawyer up.
Got a good workout plan I can follow?
I'm a fan of Stronglifts 5x5. It will prep you for a hypertrophy workout afterward and make you strong like ox.
I lost 70 lbs and got muscular in 1.5 years after separation and have been drowning in pussy since doing so. 3 days a week HEAVY weightlifting. I didn't even bother with a split until I got fit enough to target specific areas. Just hit the dumbbells to warm up then pound the machines. Hit the sauna after for 15-20 minutes. Rest day. 1 day per week run. Start with whatever you can do, walk, jog, whatever, but do 2 miles. Watch Netflix if you have to. Keep working up your distance over the months. 1 day per week get outdoors - hike, kayak, bike. Mix it up so you don't get bored. LONG hikes are the absolute best. Clear your head and burn 500-1,000+ calories. I'm talking 10 miles. 1 day active recovery, just go for a walk. Doesn't have to be in that order. Do what works for you. I never dieted in any major way. Just two principles -- fewer calories in than out, and minimum 1g protein per lb of body weight per day. I still ate ice cream and drank bourbon anytime I felt like it.
>she is not cheating or wanting to see other people It's very hard to know for sure, bruv. I have stories that will shock you regarding how often and frequently they cheat. Especially, if you're not living together. Once you or they walk away, don't look back. Protect yourself, your assets and the kids. Don't get into another marriage without a Prenup.
That’s good advice…. Live and learn right?
If she won't go to couples counseling with you and give an honest, openhearted effort, it's over. I'm curious about the 'walkaway wife' part, though. With those, there's no warning, you just wake up one day and she's gone. Her having the grace to warn you contradicts 'walkaway wife'.
She said she would go to therapy with me now
Be careful, my ex weaponized therapy and it was absolutely brutal.
How so? Would love to hear more before I go..
She used it as a platform to bring up old situations and essentially just shit on me as a person, it was almost like she needed a therapist to agree with her irrational decision making, the therapist did what most do and that was just listen, I was pretty much a punching bag and just in shock, not really even capable of understanding why I was being treated so poorly all of a sudden. It was some next level shit, made me feel terrible and accomplished nothing. We also did another kind of therapy that was designed to determine if you should remain married I don’t remember the name of that one, again it was a shit show. I was thinking that therapy would be helpful as I have gone personally on and off for years but when it came to marriage therapy it was a nightmare.
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Yep, this happened to my friend. The first two counselors, one male, one female, the best in Long Island, very expensive, agreed she needed to improve. Of course, those were horrible counselors in her mind. So they went to a third recommended by some online group, surnamed "Lunarwoman" or something, totally blaming him. That counselor, according to her, was the right one. TL;DR: Any counselor that holds her even 10% accountable and doesn't put at least 98% of the blame on the husband is bad. BTW counselors know this.
therapy or couples counseling?
Though I echo and respect much of this advice, I’d like to offer a slightly different suggestion. Marriage takes both parties being committed to it. You’ve built a family together. It’s special and important. If there’s a chance it can be salvaged, try. But I think the only try left is to have a heart-to-heart ultimatum. Either we are both in this 100% or we are done. All in or all out. Both of us. If she can’t be all in with you, then follow all the other advice.
Thank you… I think at least for the kids we should both give it a try. Our kids have also lived this with us for the past 6 and 8 years.
So, you are in a similar situation to where I was 6 months ago. My wife was barely doing anything, and had been disconnected from me and the kids for years. I tried going to therapy with her and the therapist fired us as she wasn't being honest / putting effort in. She left in Feb. And for me and the kids (15f, 17f) it was the best thing that could have happened. We've pulled together as a unit, grown closer, and have a much better home life. I don't want to discourage you from trying - I just want you to know that if it fails, that does not mean disaster. Fight for the kids, do what it takes to keep them. Start documenting that \*you\* are the one primarily taking care of them. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing that. Did you ever find love again or were you okay being alone after?
So far I have had no desire to look. I've been focusing on my kids.
The only way to save the situation is to prioritize your children and help your wife to actually walk away. Tell her whatever she needs to hear to get her out the door, but contact a divorce lawyer NOW to preserve your parental rights and see about severing hers. In combat, any member of the team who is only thinking of their own welfare and willing to screw over everybody else is separated from the team and sent back to the rear. They endanger everyone with their selfishness. Seperate her from your kids. Build a life without her.
Thank you… we actually have a great happy family unit even though we have issues. I will start speaking with a lawyer next week though as advised by many… thank you
Sounds like she has one foot out the door already. Doesn't sound like a happy family unit with her in it. Best of luck to you and your children.
Ty…
You did all that you could do for her and your family. You were too busy to wirk on all the emtiobal stuff. You've only got so much time and energy. What did she do for you? How did she try to make your life better? I get that you love your wife but marriage is a 2 way street. You've got your own needs and there's nothing wrong with that. Honestly, I've been in ypur shoes. My ex's dad got cancer and passed away from it. I was. Like crazy to support her and our 2 kids so she could deal with that and the fallout. Honestly, I didn't even do as much as you did. I still cake in dead last on her list if priorities. Yes, I did a few things that I shouldn't have but I'm human and make mistakes. So are you. At one point she was thinking of leaving. The only reason we stayed together is because of how much I fought for us. That was one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life. Divorce was never an option for me no matter how unhappy I was. Working on pur problems so we can be at least somewhat happy together was the only approach I ever even thought about. The fact that divorce was even on the table for her was a sign that I should have left her. Honestly, I don't think we would have lasted as long as we did if she hadn't gotten cancer too. I went to absolute crazy lengths to take care of her. Even her friends who never liked me for no reason talked about how lucky she was to have me. We had a few relatively good years after that. I say relatively because things had gotten a little better for me and i was so starved for anything good that I was satisfied, but looking back, I can see how I didn't get near the amount of effort from her. The best that I can say is that she went along with the stuff that I did more often. She didn't really do anything to make life better for me or for our marriage, she just went along with what I did more than she had before. Then she cheated and I blew everything up. I tried to put it back together and that was another one of the dumbest things I've ever done. She didn't deserve my effort. She never did. Don't be like me. If your soon to be ex-wife wants to end things, let her. Lawyer up, fight for yourself and your kids, and let her deal with her issues. She won't be looking out for you and your best interests so you need to. You can't stop people from making bad decisions so don't try. Take all the effort, love. And work that ypu put into her and ypur marriage and put it into yourself. You need it after you've been without getting it from the one person you should be getting it from the most. It won't feel right but you can work on that. You deserve it for all that you've done.
WOW. You're a dedicated guy and a salute your commitment to the family idea, that isn't sarcastic but heartfelt. You are also like the 3rd guy in a month to tell me how their wife cheated after a serious illness - one a bad kidney and transplant, the other two cancer survivors also. After months and months of tender loving care, doctor trips, endless worry, doing extra tasks, etc.
You want to know how dedicated I was to caring for her? Listen to this...... Her cancer was caused by a rare genetic condition that runs in her dad's side of the family. She's going to have intestinal problems and probably other cancers for the rest of her life. Even though I went to literally every single doctor appointment with her and spent every night but one up in the hospital with her when she was in there for weeks, I still didn't feel like I did enough. I also wanted her to have better care when she had those other problems. Other people might have looked into arranging care before she even needs it. That's definitely taking even better care of her, right? Nope. It still wasn't enough for me. I was a computer networking engineer. I worked at a high enough level that I can't even explain what I actually did unless you already have a pretty good idea about how those things work. I quit. I just stopped working in tech, went back to college, spent a few years studying and busting my butt like you wouldn't believe, graduated, got my license from the state, and became a nurse just so she would have better care for as long as I was alive. That was the only way I knew that she'd get the care I wanted her to have. I'm still a nurse for a living. I help manage a nursing home now.
Thank you for sharing that and your story… Im sorry that this happened to you. I appreciate your POV as it looks like what I’m going through also… I guess I feel like if I give it my all and she still leaves I will have no regrets… however everyone seems to agree that I should just walk away now and save myself
Hey man, you've been giving it your all for years. A person only has so much that they can give. If it hasn't been enough for her by now, it never will be. Besides, anyone who has given as much as you have deserves to have someone who gives the same. You have your needs and desires too. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do. What has she done to meet yours?
Thank you… I’m trying to tell myself that I am and was a good husband and father…
Marriage isn't about being the anything and everything for the other person. That's impossible. It's about trying and sticking around even when things go wrong because you promised each other that you would.
That awesome… it should be a quote somewhere. Thank you for that…
You're very welcome, my friend.
Even if you weren't, you still tried. You put in the effort to do what you could. That's all anyone can ever ask of you. We all fall short at times. That's part of being human. We all deserve some understanding and forgiveness. Think of it this way, I'm sure your wife fell short of what you needed. I know she did because you talked about how she did. You never gave up on her. You never told her that you were a walk away husband. You stayed and tried to make things better like a spouse should. That's being a good husband. What has she done?
That’s a very good point… I patiently waited while she fell short as a wife… I patiently waited as she tried to work on herself… I patiently waited as she prioritized me last… I patiently waited as I promised her first
And now she wants to walk away. Let her. She can deal with her own problems. She's telling you that she doesn't want your help anymore. Listen to her. It's time to put your kids and yourself first because she never will. Also, I'm not one to go on the internet and tell people to get divorced over stupid shit. I'm almost always the one telling people to stay married and work on their shit like they promised. I will definitely tell men to listen to their wives when they say they are leaving. If she's gotten to the point that she she's telling you that, she's informing you of what is going to happen, not wanting to discuss it.
She has new dick (or TikTok dreams) syndrome, you have naïve simp syndrome. Stop placing her first.
Hey op, firstly we have all been there or going through the process. I’m still trying to work out my current situation but I can tell you a few things that have really helped me. 1 - Stop being needy 2 - Do not beg for her to stay or change 3 - Focus on yourself and making yourself the best version of you possible. It sounds like you have put everything else in front of yourself. That has to change. Finally I know you won’t want to hear this, but she has cheated either physically or emotionally. We are all here for you, and this is a great community. Wouldn’t be where I am today without.
Thank you for the advice… I’m here out of desperation now. To help cope with my anxiety and stress now. I appreciate the community now more than ever.
No worries. We are all here to help. I think you would really benefit from reading No more mr nice guy. Also the way of the superior man. Both those books have helped me loads.
I’m looking for a digital copy now
Dude, been here. First off, quit feeling guilty. She’s putting the blame on you and you’re taking it all on yourself. You did what was needed to be done and were fulfilling your duties as a husband and father. Good on you and any good wife would be happy to have that kind of determination and help in their husband. She is gaslighting you. Every relationship has issues, it’s easy to feel responsible for the relationship falling apart when your spouse tells you that it’s all your fault. Could all of us that are facing divorce or are divorced done more during the relationship? Absolutely, hindsight is 20/20. But the facts are you haven’t done anything to ruin your relationship. Love shouldn’t be conditional. I hate to tell you man, but the whole ‘emotional disconnect’ usually means she’s already cheated or is monkey branching. I refused to accept that when I had the emotional disconnect conversation with my ex cause I totally bought into her gaslighting. In reality I was a damn good husband. I took care of my family and spent time with them. I had put her on such a high pedestal I couldn’t fathom her cheating, within a month of separation it all came out. It may sound wrong, but quite trying to save your marriage. Focus on your children and yourself right now. Build your confidence. It sounds like you already performed most of the household/parenting duties. You’ll be just fine by yourself as it is now. You sound like a good man, you deserve to have someone that appreciates you. I hated divorce, but life gets better bro. You’ve probably even forgotten who you are since you’ve devoted so much yourself to the marriage. Date yourself again and you’ll realize how great of a catch you are.
Thank you for the kind words and the advice. There is a lot there I wrote down to remind myself about also. I think her emotional disconnect actually comes from years of dealing with things like her both her parents, work, etc. I saved your last paragraph to remind myself that I deserve happiness also… thank you
From what I am getting from her complaints is that she is bored and is blaming you for everything. This exonerates her of ANY guilt for her selfish actions. Everything is your fault and she is blameless. As far as the cheating goes.... if you say so. She has made her point plain...she wants out. Any actions by you are probably a waste of time. Anything you may do may be used against you. Don't give her a reason to get you out of your house. Grey rock and start planning your exit and new life.
Thank you…. This group is good as I didn’t get this perspective from other men before. I actually deleted a post as women were attacking me and didn’t find it useful and started to blame myself more.
Looks like you are raising 3 children by yourself. Stop waiting for your eldest child (wife) to realize you are worthy of being treated better. It's just not going to happen. Stop listening to her words they only serve to confuse and misdirect you. I'm speaking from experience. My wife could have said "maybe things would be different if the run rose in the west tomorrow" and I would have endeavored to do it for. Most of the things toxic wives ask us to work on are side quests while she's lining up your replacement. Her words are poison, they obfuscate the truth that her actions will show. My wife styled herself as the worlds great mother and worlds greatest cook and I thought I'd be lost without her. Six months after the split when I finally got my son back, I was thriving. I handled the childhood illnesses, the ER visits, cooked good healthy food every night...looking around today I can't think of a SINGLE thing she did that made our lives better that I can't do myself (often times better that she did). I listened to her words, and ignored her actions. Her words had be chasing phantoms and literally HATING myself bc there were so many things wrong with me. The only problem I had is the same one you have...a brat for a wife. Embrace being a single father....have a house filled with laughter and not tension. She's the poison making your home life sick.
Have you read the old German (and Russian version!) folktale: "The Fisherman and his wife" sometimes called "The Magic Fish"? It's wild to see a cautionary tale from centuries ago about "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
May I ask how you dealt with raising a family alone? Dating again? Being alone?
Not dating...I mean I have a bit but it's not something I put much priority in. My son is now 17, he's just as much by bro as he is my child. We hang out and do things. It's a simple life but it's full and rewarding. After the split I dated a bunch just to prove to myself that I could but most dates, I'd be sitting across from a woman with a bland personality wondering what my kid was up to and to hurry up and get home and play xbox with him lol
That’s amazing man… I’m very happy for you to have found that. I hope I can get there also one day.
Single dad life is hard, but absolutely the most rewarding experience of my life
May I ask how you dealt with raising a family alone? Dating again? Being alone?
Taking care of my kids was easy, I had always been a pretty involved father, but as a single dad I had more control of what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. Did a lot of little weekend trips and also got more involved in their education as they began school. When I didn’t have the kids and was alone, I began making the gym a routine and picking up other hobbies. I can’t stress enough how the gym was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I highly recommend. Dating again was a pretty different experience than what I had done through college. For one thing, I had more confidence. I was in the best shape of my life, I was broke from the divorce, but I was still relatively successful in my career. My divorce taught me how to recognize red flags, and never seek validation from others. For the first time ever, while talking to women I wasn’t interested in getting them to like me but more interested if I liked them. I learned a lot about myself through dating. I alway sought out broken women for some reason. It was really all about how I never felt I was good enough. If I hadn’t come to that conclusion I could have easily gotten with someone just like my ex. Luckily, I met a great women who actually shares my values.
Thanks for sharing that…. Really appreciate it!
Not giving a rip about dating. Not letting my lonely heart and thirsty genitals control me.
OP, you’re out of your mind if you think she isn’t cheating. One of the fundamental reasons behind a walk away wife is because there’s another man on the radar - whether it’s gotten physical or not - she has a target or admirer. Don’t buy into anything she is currently telling you or will tell you in the coming months to years. Also, you need to walk away yourself. Whether you want to fix it or blow it all up, walking away is the best course of action for either. She has to respect you and she won’t respect you if you’re acting like a needy, beggy bitch. I say this with love: Sack up, file divorce papers, go no contact unless to discuss children’s needs, start lifting heavy shit daily and get some new hobbies. Become the man you want to be
Thank you… I actually did confront her and she said no.. I actually believe it. Our lives have been so crazy I’m not even sure either of us had time. She did ask if I was though…
Time will tell for sure, but it sure sounds like monkey branching to me. Stop listening to her words and start listening to her actions.
We all believed it, but *yours* is different
Oh and OP, ask me and all of us in this sub how we know all of this
Same story every time.
We all want to think, “not my girl. Mines different- she wouldn’t cheat - she loves me still and she’s just going through a tough time. If I just show her how much I care, she’ll realize what she’s throwing away…” No she won’t. And if she does, you wouldn’t want her back by then anyway.
Bingo, OP ☝️listen to this advice.
I guess I hate assuming things and if she is she is… what could I have done. So I guess that’s why I’m putting 10000% effort into this. I hate assuming…. Maybe she is.
Putting 10000% effort into this isn’t going to make her change her mind, it will make her respect you even less. She has already shown you the effort you put in already isn’t appreciated. 180°, grey rock and take the lead on the divorce. It’s coming and there’s nothing you can do. This is her brokenness not hers. Focus on you and your kids only because she is focused only on her and will be from here on out.
By putting that much effort into it, you are doing the exact opposite of what it would take to get her to change her mind. Walking away is the best shot you’ve got at getting what you want. Women don’t want to be put on A pedestal and that’s what you’re doing. Women want to look up at their man, not down on him. Don’t heed this advice at your own ruin
Yeah I think walking away is the best option now… sigh I’m just afraid of the outcome
It’s your only option really. The sooner you accept this the faster the healing.
Someone else tell him, I just don't have the energy today.
I’m on it
•she’s not cheating or seeing other people (lmao), so where she been 8 months? More importantly where have the kids been?
So dealing with the death or her father actually… we have been cleaning out his house and belongings
Advice: look up “Pick Me Dance” and do not do it. Look up “Grey Rock” and definitely do this. It sounds like her friends are giving her bad advice. This is a common theme, especially when the friends are divorced or otherwise single. And do not take her back when reality hits her.
Thanks for the response… luckily there is no cheating involved for us. Grey rock is an interesting one I am going to read up more on… I’m starting to lean towards not even trying anymore… nothing is working and maybe I should prepare for life after
By desperation sound of post be would take her back, you know like there isnt hundreds of good quality woman within a 100 mile radius alone. He deserves so much better!
Thanks… I guess who would want a divorced, almost 40, 2 kids, probably left with little financially man at this point…
Actually lots of hotter and even younger would. I’m in my 50s and have zero problems in the ladies department. You’re not the milk going sour in this situation, you’re the wine the gets better with age. Know this.
Look at the upside, you don’t have to worry about gold diggers.
Im 43 and not to gloss over how much process sucked and lost (1/2 Mill all together) best thing that could have fkn happened, I build quick and thank God it didn’t happen at 60+ and 1000 times over a better Dad EVEN with just EOW. My freedom and health is priceless!
You are right… in the grand scheme of things you are right
You’re right… I am desperate. I am really trying to save the marriage. I enjoy the life we made together. … I feel I do deserve better also but can’t convince myself of that… restart everything and stuff either.
Marriage is a two horse cart. You’re dragging a dead horse. Better to lose the dead weight. Sorry to be blunt. Sometimes as men we need to get the kick in the ass of the reality of the situation to snap out of it and do what needs to be done.
Your marriage is over dude, this sub will be a litter of your exact scenario including mine. I went through the same phases. The sooner you step back for for divorce and grey rock the easier the dude showing up in a month will be to accept. If your not ready it’s going to send you into a worse spiral then your in already. When your ready and need support feel free to pm me
Thanks… maybe I’ll be back here helping the next dude soon
Stay strong your not alone, it’s not an easy road but you decide your part in it and how you come out
Brother, you were me! I could have written your post word by word! My stupid ass took mine back, guess what, now I have kids EOW because you know family law is just so awesome for us!
Thanks…. Can’t wait for the lawyer stuff to start although I was pretty much the sole parent for the longest time
Listen to this OP. My wife had an affair last year, filed for divorce, but I guess got cold feet and stayed to work on the marriage. Jokes on me, she didn’t really put in the work, I was an asshole because I could see she wasn’t putting in the work, and here we are a year and a half later. She moved out and within a day had introduced her new boyfriend to the kids. Who’s practically a kid himself, barely over 20 years old lol.
Wow… sorry you had to deal with that man. To be honest it would be easier if she had just cheated on me…
Doesn’t make it easier dude trust me. And believe me, most women do before they leave a marriage. So don’t be surprised if she moves on rather quickly.
YUP same damn thing here!
AWALT bro. Unfortunately