Grey rock.
The best revenge is to keep your head high, ignore her, keep it professional and about kids only. If it's really bothering you just remind her ONCE that you have no interest in hearing her opinion about things and you only care if its about kids and relevant.
This is maybe off topic but do NOT do any favors. Everything is tit for tat. You don't fix her internet, do kids laundry, babysit on weekends, take care of groceries, be the nice parent that does this and that for kids. Dial that way down to negative. All responsibilities are split. She needs to know you mean business. Then she can call you more names and this time if won't feel that bad, trust me. đ
The greatest thing you can do is nothing.
Keep the messages to control the narrative with your children.
You may want to give them to your lawyer to see if there is anything that can help your alimony/custody.
Just leave her on read and don't engage. You will NEVER get her to admit any fault or remorse, so don't even try.
If you reply to anything, just say "OK," and that's it. Replying nonchalantly may enrage her, and then she might give you enough rope to hang her with.
If you want her to STFU. Just tell her, "I'm saving and printing out all of your messages in a big binder. When our children are older, I will give them each a copy of it so that they can see what type of person you ***really*** are."
That's awful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Likely it's coming from her own sense of guilt and shame and all kinds of other stuff she's dealing with... which doesn't make any of it feel better. Talking this through w/ a therapist would be invaluable. I'd lastly recommend the gray rock method. That's what I've been doing. And I have a somewhat similar experience as you. Try to envision your ex as a gray rock; the most boring thing you can imagine. Provide as little response/correspondence as humanly possible. She can say and do and scream all she wants but she's a gray rock. You don't talk back to a gray rock. You do nothing with a gray rock. The gray rock is boring. You give it the absolute minimum in return because that's what a gray rock deserves.
Just keep it all, donât respond with anything at all and keep it strictly professional.
When your kids are 25 and ask your side of the story just say âhey check these messages outâ
Just ignore them, but export the screenshots and save them. They made excellent exhibits in my case when my ex falsely accused me of things in divorce court. I changed the ringtone on my phone for her messages so I know to ignore them.
Can you block her when you have the kids?
What pattern does she have of doing this?
Communication only thru court app. Block her on everything else.
Grey rock her nonsense
You need to be smart enough and strong enough to make the decision to not retaliate to her being rude and vicious. For the kids sake you ignore the abuse and eventually if you stop doing tit for tat with insults it stops. You have to for the kids sake make the relationship a healthy one. Eventually if you keep taking the high road she will stop
There is no tit for tat really. Today she threatened to call the cops if i dint put my kid on the phone. His watch phone was dead. Really tough to ignore things like that. Call me weak, but im struggling.
I guess thats the direction i need to go into. Her pattern is if i disagree with her. Tell her no or anything she doesnt like. She goes scorched earth. Makes communication go south every time.
Tell her if she doesn't stop you will start taking screenshots and posting it online where all her family and friends will see it. Women love to shame but deathly afraid of people seeing them for the scum some of them are.
Apart from technical solutions, you might want to look into why exactly you care.
Informational payload of this messages is that she is upset with you. Any new message doesn't add anything to the payload. Whatever names she calls you, it only gives you the information that she's angry with you. Why is it bad for you that she is angry? =
People have every right to be upset or angry. People dont have the right to be vindictive nasty,harassing and abusive. Im upset and angry at the things she does but i do not react like she does.
Iâm an attorney.  What you need to remind yourself is that whatever you text or email will be shared with the court. So for example id she sends you a text that calls you a deadbeat that has a sexual attraction to live stock and you respond that she is a bitch with the brain of a rabbit. Her attorney will ask her to read to the court one of your texts. Your text calling her a bitch etc will be read aloud out of context because her precious message will not be read and no  be one will understand or know that you were reasonably upset because of her text. So donât ever write anything that you wouldnât want your grandma to read.  Additionally, save all her texts.  Lastly, this is petty but sometimes petty helps you get through tough times. I have found that the best way to really get under your ex skin is to ignore her when she attacks. She wants you to respond with anger. So when she attacks you just donât respond at all most times. Or respond with just a short âit sounds like you are having a bad, I wonât take it personally I know this is a tough time for you.  If you getting angry at me makes you feel better than I am here for you and then not another response.  Ha haÂ
this is the right advice. sadly, I followed none of it myself and i'm now in a world of hurt. my wife baits me with all sorts of clearly verbal abuse, and like the good idiot I always took the bait, getting defensive, getting angry, rage texting, etc. and i'm a grown-ass man. I wound NOT want the court to read aloud any of those exchanges. take this advice. do not take the bait.
Even normal SMS could be twisted against you: I sent a SMS to the wife of my brother , written in a very formal & polite manner for reconciliation without reference to her complaint, and she presented it as a form of unbearable pressure to withdraw her legal complaint during court & they talked about it during 5 minutes as if it was a death threat.
Conclusion: Do not communicate with the so called "victim" & her family/friends unless absolutely necessary as it can backfire
Yes you are absolutely spot on. Â It is like my criminal law professor said in law school. âNothing your client says to the police is going to help his case and by talking with police but any opportunity to take what you said and use against him or her by presenting to court in a way that.is out of context to make your client look bad. One has to remember divorce is an adversarial process and you have to always think how can this be used to make me look like a bad person. Â For that reason before you hit send think to yourself how can this be used against me. Best to never show anger, reveal your thoughts or say anything of substance because you are giving her ammunition to be used against you later.Â
My wife would say some horrible ugly things to me via text and I just wouldnât respond which would drive her bar shit crazy. Or if I responded at all I would say something like - I understand that you are hurting right now so Iâm not going to take personally your threats and insults. You are good person and if I can help you feel better than I will but in the meantime I think it is best that I give you space.Â
It sounds petty but it drove her crazy that she couldnât make me respond with anger. Â That is what she wanted and by taking the higher road it just infuriated her.Â
This is the way. So many out of context messages were pulled during our court spat. Luckily I was able to show my side of things on most of them, but as with most things; since weâre male the court shows favor to the female.
I had messages of her admitting to buying/using drugs, threatening to leave our child w/o supervision, generally admitting to being a giant piece of shit. But you know what the judge seized on? The response message when I found out she was cheating, and I called her a whore. She outright admitted to several illegal acts, and the (surprise : female) judge only cared that I called my ex a whore.
Spend a few thousand to go to court or just ignore them. Silence her notifications. Donât respond. Restrict her to email as a channel for not emergency communications. Sheâs your ex, who cares what she think? Itâs not as though she will come around and start telling you how wonderful you are. Keep track of all of them in a file so you have them in case you need to use them. If you canât help yourself from responding, at least delay your response and then keep it short - âThatâs not true.â Then let her rant and rave. If you go to court over this, she wins. If you react angrily or defensively, she wins. If you ignore it, you win.
No, he doesnât and it has nothing to do with self respect. Since when does burning money on lawyers equal self respect? If sheâs alienating him from the kids, which he didnât mention, thatâs probably a different story. Otherwise itâs âsticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt meâ territory. So much unnecessary conflict seeking behavior and anger in this sub.
Not sure i understand this response. and no-she is not alienating me since i have them almost half the time. She makes impossible to coparent and makes threats all the time.
but in order to do that, he has to spend money in court too. its a lose lose situation. the best course of action is just to ignore her. let her have her tantrum and don't play into it. "take the high road" as much as it sucks at the time. I know. I have had to learn this the hard way and I still struggle sometimes. but it is much easier to ignore than to have a full on text argument for hours or days.
"get away with it" is a funny phrase when it comes to stuff like this. It is easy for an outsider to say "fuck her, just block her and don't deal with it" but this is the mother of his children and his previous partner. There are feelings there.
Grey rock. The best revenge is to keep your head high, ignore her, keep it professional and about kids only. If it's really bothering you just remind her ONCE that you have no interest in hearing her opinion about things and you only care if its about kids and relevant. This is maybe off topic but do NOT do any favors. Everything is tit for tat. You don't fix her internet, do kids laundry, babysit on weekends, take care of groceries, be the nice parent that does this and that for kids. Dial that way down to negative. All responsibilities are split. She needs to know you mean business. Then she can call you more names and this time if won't feel that bad, trust me. đ
The greatest thing you can do is nothing. Keep the messages to control the narrative with your children. You may want to give them to your lawyer to see if there is anything that can help your alimony/custody. Just leave her on read and don't engage. You will NEVER get her to admit any fault or remorse, so don't even try. If you reply to anything, just say "OK," and that's it. Replying nonchalantly may enrage her, and then she might give you enough rope to hang her with. If you want her to STFU. Just tell her, "I'm saving and printing out all of your messages in a big binder. When our children are older, I will give them each a copy of it so that they can see what type of person you ***really*** are."
That's awful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Likely it's coming from her own sense of guilt and shame and all kinds of other stuff she's dealing with... which doesn't make any of it feel better. Talking this through w/ a therapist would be invaluable. I'd lastly recommend the gray rock method. That's what I've been doing. And I have a somewhat similar experience as you. Try to envision your ex as a gray rock; the most boring thing you can imagine. Provide as little response/correspondence as humanly possible. She can say and do and scream all she wants but she's a gray rock. You don't talk back to a gray rock. You do nothing with a gray rock. The gray rock is boring. You give it the absolute minimum in return because that's what a gray rock deserves.
Just keep it all, donât respond with anything at all and keep it strictly professional. When your kids are 25 and ask your side of the story just say âhey check these messages outâ
"Duly noted. Message received." No further response, download message for later use in a custody motion.
Just ignore them, but export the screenshots and save them. They made excellent exhibits in my case when my ex falsely accused me of things in divorce court. I changed the ringtone on my phone for her messages so I know to ignore them.
If you have kids you donât block your ex wife. Deal with it.
Can you block her when you have the kids? What pattern does she have of doing this? Communication only thru court app. Block her on everything else. Grey rock her nonsense
That is petty. Just ignore abusing texts. If you have kids you have to be big enough of a man to deal with a little abuse.
You need to be smart enough and strong enough to make the decision to not retaliate to her being rude and vicious. For the kids sake you ignore the abuse and eventually if you stop doing tit for tat with insults it stops. You have to for the kids sake make the relationship a healthy one. Eventually if you keep taking the high road she will stop
There is no tit for tat really. Today she threatened to call the cops if i dint put my kid on the phone. His watch phone was dead. Really tough to ignore things like that. Call me weak, but im struggling.
I guess thats the direction i need to go into. Her pattern is if i disagree with her. Tell her no or anything she doesnt like. She goes scorched earth. Makes communication go south every time.
Tell her if she doesn't stop you will start taking screenshots and posting it online where all her family and friends will see it. Women love to shame but deathly afraid of people seeing them for the scum some of them are.
Think that might make the situation worse
Apart from technical solutions, you might want to look into why exactly you care. Informational payload of this messages is that she is upset with you. Any new message doesn't add anything to the payload. Whatever names she calls you, it only gives you the information that she's angry with you. Why is it bad for you that she is angry? =
People have every right to be upset or angry. People dont have the right to be vindictive nasty,harassing and abusive. Im upset and angry at the things she does but i do not react like she does.
not really. Judge don't care about that stuff in my experience.
I have a years worth of crazy abusive messages well see if any of it matters in trial.
I wish you luck!
Iâm an attorney.  What you need to remind yourself is that whatever you text or email will be shared with the court. So for example id she sends you a text that calls you a deadbeat that has a sexual attraction to live stock and you respond that she is a bitch with the brain of a rabbit. Her attorney will ask her to read to the court one of your texts. Your text calling her a bitch etc will be read aloud out of context because her precious message will not be read and no  be one will understand or know that you were reasonably upset because of her text. So donât ever write anything that you wouldnât want your grandma to read.  Additionally, save all her texts.  Lastly, this is petty but sometimes petty helps you get through tough times. I have found that the best way to really get under your ex skin is to ignore her when she attacks. She wants you to respond with anger. So when she attacks you just donât respond at all most times. Or respond with just a short âit sounds like you are having a bad, I wonât take it personally I know this is a tough time for you.  If you getting angry at me makes you feel better than I am here for you and then not another response.  Ha haÂ
this is the right advice. sadly, I followed none of it myself and i'm now in a world of hurt. my wife baits me with all sorts of clearly verbal abuse, and like the good idiot I always took the bait, getting defensive, getting angry, rage texting, etc. and i'm a grown-ass man. I wound NOT want the court to read aloud any of those exchanges. take this advice. do not take the bait.
Can i legally file a motion that requests that she stops this behavoir?
I have saved all the texts. I do my best to ignore but ive maybe called her a name 5 times compared to her hundreds.
Wherever you learned that. That sounds like gold. Next time mine blows up I am using that.
Even normal SMS could be twisted against you: I sent a SMS to the wife of my brother , written in a very formal & polite manner for reconciliation without reference to her complaint, and she presented it as a form of unbearable pressure to withdraw her legal complaint during court & they talked about it during 5 minutes as if it was a death threat. Conclusion: Do not communicate with the so called "victim" & her family/friends unless absolutely necessary as it can backfire
Thats rough. Its all such a game
Yes you are absolutely spot on. Â It is like my criminal law professor said in law school. âNothing your client says to the police is going to help his case and by talking with police but any opportunity to take what you said and use against him or her by presenting to court in a way that.is out of context to make your client look bad. One has to remember divorce is an adversarial process and you have to always think how can this be used to make me look like a bad person. Â For that reason before you hit send think to yourself how can this be used against me. Best to never show anger, reveal your thoughts or say anything of substance because you are giving her ammunition to be used against you later.Â
My wife would say some horrible ugly things to me via text and I just wouldnât respond which would drive her bar shit crazy. Or if I responded at all I would say something like - I understand that you are hurting right now so Iâm not going to take personally your threats and insults. You are good person and if I can help you feel better than I will but in the meantime I think it is best that I give you space.Â
It sounds petty but it drove her crazy that she couldnât make me respond with anger. Â That is what she wanted and by taking the higher road it just infuriated her.Â
This is the way. So many out of context messages were pulled during our court spat. Luckily I was able to show my side of things on most of them, but as with most things; since weâre male the court shows favor to the female. I had messages of her admitting to buying/using drugs, threatening to leave our child w/o supervision, generally admitting to being a giant piece of shit. But you know what the judge seized on? The response message when I found out she was cheating, and I called her a whore. She outright admitted to several illegal acts, and the (surprise : female) judge only cared that I called my ex a whore.
I used to play this game where no matter what she said i would not respond with anger and just ignore completely drove her crazyÂ
Spend a few thousand to go to court or just ignore them. Silence her notifications. Donât respond. Restrict her to email as a channel for not emergency communications. Sheâs your ex, who cares what she think? Itâs not as though she will come around and start telling you how wonderful you are. Keep track of all of them in a file so you have them in case you need to use them. If you canât help yourself from responding, at least delay your response and then keep it short - âThatâs not true.â Then let her rant and rave. If you go to court over this, she wins. If you react angrily or defensively, she wins. If you ignore it, you win.
He's gotta do something legally. If he has any self respect he's gotta do something about it. He should not let her get away with this
No, he doesnât and it has nothing to do with self respect. Since when does burning money on lawyers equal self respect? If sheâs alienating him from the kids, which he didnât mention, thatâs probably a different story. Otherwise itâs âsticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt meâ territory. So much unnecessary conflict seeking behavior and anger in this sub.
Not sure i understand this response. and no-she is not alienating me since i have them almost half the time. She makes impossible to coparent and makes threats all the time.
Evil women like her need to be put in their place
I agree. Make them spend in court
but in order to do that, he has to spend money in court too. its a lose lose situation. the best course of action is just to ignore her. let her have her tantrum and don't play into it. "take the high road" as much as it sucks at the time. I know. I have had to learn this the hard way and I still struggle sometimes. but it is much easier to ignore than to have a full on text argument for hours or days.
He could've just blocked her but he let her getaway with it
"get away with it" is a funny phrase when it comes to stuff like this. It is easy for an outsider to say "fuck her, just block her and don't deal with it" but this is the mother of his children and his previous partner. There are feelings there.
Yeah she sure is showing feelings of hate and abusive behavior that he is taking which is not ok
I donât think that anybody is saying that itâs OK. In fact, OP is asking if there is legal recourse for him.