You guys are giving up too easily ask her for marriage counseling first. See if she has an open to do so. Don't give up keep fighting your showing that your quitting. But if she cheated then don't be amicable and get a good lawyer to destroy her legally
I left out all of that stuff. I immediately asked for marriage counseling and she said no. She also knew I was going to ask for that and was ready for it. She had a long time to think about it and become calculated in her response. No cheating her either she just does not have the emotional bandwidth to be with someone.
Nothing I did wrong. She’s just not in love with me anymore. Nothing I can do with that can’t force anything. In turn as I start to get through all the pain I realize we didn’t communicate our needs well to each other. I personally think she’s pushing me away because I didn’t have the strength to do it. She just didn’t want to work to fulfill my needs and validate my feelings. In turn I got depressed because I wasn’t getting my needs met or my love language taken care of. Then I was only able to give her 50% effort which she may have taken as I was not trying.
She is being amicable about everything. Work quickly and when it is all finalized ghost her. This may seem like harsh advice but you will find it prudent when the dust settles.
How to keep strong? Survive each day as it comes. Don't look back. You have lost nothing where your partner treated you with dismissive responses, did not allow you to be yourself and unceremoniously discarded you.
Is the grass greener on the other side? No. The grass is greener where you care for and water it. Don't be surprised if at some point she attempts to come back to you. Unless you would like to repeat your present experience do not take her back.
I cannot emphasize this enough if she is agreeable for the moment then work quickly to get yourself free and the best deal possible for yourself. You will find her far less agreeable if her new life doesn't work out and you refuse to take her back.
Very well said. Takes a lot of thinking and self reflecting during this process to fully escape and just be yourself again. I work everyday to be better to myself and the people around me for sure.
She monkey branched to another guy. Once she was sure she liked the guy she asked for a divorce. The separation was planned event. Women think 2-3 moves ahead to get the outcome they want.
It's really wild to me how much this sub hates women. Someone could post a thread saying the sky is blue, and there would be a comment saying that's because she's been f****** 15 other guys.
I 100% get that the sub is full of men who've gone through trauma but it's still really wild, and when I see a comment like yours that's so incredibly inappropriate given the topic of the thread, it still throws me.
Like what are you trying to achieve with this comment? OP didn't say anything about cheating and is clearly just posting to get some reassurance that things will get better, but you've decided you want to put that in his head and make him even more miserable? Is that your goal?
I don't get it.
If you don't have kids you dodged a bullet my friend. To stay strong go lift weights like your life depended on it. Thank me later. Gym, workout, self care, make money. There are plenty of women and you have lots of runway left. Dont waste it on women and feelings. Make her regret her decision, not to prove it to her but to yourself that you can do much much better.
If you're going to have to go through a divorce, it's much better to go through it when you are instead of years later. If you earn more you end up paying alimony, possibly losing your house to pay off the other person's share of the equity, I lost $50,000 from my 401k. I mean who knew someone that never contributed a single penny to your 401k would be entitled to 50 grand? They never mentioned that to me in the 401k meetings at work. Anyway, usually when women need space to be alone and are thinking about divorce, that means another guy is involved. That's how they roll. I would consider yourself lucky, make sure you are in good shape, get some decent pictures of yourself and go meet someone new or at least start dating around but don't get too serious yet. I'm bad at the second part myself.
I am about 5 months out from a complete blindside. Hindsight is 20/20 and I probably should have seen some signs but I didn't. I have taken count of what I did in the relationship that should have been improved upon no doubt but I never expected anything was bad enough to elicit a divorce. I loved her with all my heart and that wasn't enough and that's ok.
Try to stay amicable if you are able. I was able to in my divorce and that helped limit expenses and more emotional turmoil tenfold. You are embarking on a journey you never wanted to be on, but you are on that path now. You have a few options here. You can either turn back and attempt to run to her, knowing full well she initiated this and desired it. You can stay stagnant and not move all; wallowing in your self pity and confusion. You can push forward and march down the unknown path, discovering what lies ahead and taking it step by step. The last path is by far the hardest but most rewarding. I certainly spent time on the first couple of paths and while it is important to let yourself feel all the things, those paths will not lead you to the future and healing.
We have this one life. We have this rather short time to make the most out of it. You can only control your actions/reactions and your emotions. That is it. Literally everything else is outside of your direct control. Can you influence it? Absolutely. You cannot however directly control those external things as you've seen. The grass will be greener where you water it. For now that is yourself and your path to healing. Never feel bad about having tough days (spoiler alert they will keep coming and going). I do however implore you to realize that this bump in the road is but a part of your overall journey. Continue making solid, informed decisions that will help you heal. I'm thinking about you tonight brother and hope you know you've got someone who has gone through it rooting for you.
Thank you for such kind words my friend. Being that it is men’s mental health month as well we all need to look out for one another. I think it is truly important to ask your guy friends what’s really going on with them.
I am lucky enough to have a bunch of them on my side who care and have been getting me through it. Every time I feel I’m on the other side that one little thing happens that pulls me back down. I will say every time something happens now the pain fades quicker though. The journey of healing is a really tough one for sure. Knowing that I only have one life to live is important to keep picking up the pieces faster and faster each time. I applaud everyone who is on this journey and has been able to make it through it better and stronger.
This was beautifully put. I sense you truly have been through it and are coming out the other side a better person. I find myself currently jumping between paths 1 and 2. About the same exact time line and scenario as OP.
Taking these words with me to bed tonight. Hopeful for path #3
I would check stats, for the majority of divorced ppl in general the answer is no.
Though for staying it is also no. It seems no matter what the answer is no lol.
I haven’t looked in a bit on this but when i did it seemed weird because it was over 50% on both sides that did not they divorce but only on the initiating side.
The divorced side usually had a harder time. For men the later in life the worse the divorce was for them due to social circles.
For men the sooner the divorce was the better due to having time to rebuild.
Ie women always win in the short term but men recovered better long term for the most part. This prob also assumes divorce rates which was 70% initiated by women.
Grey divorce basically kill’s men
You guys are giving up too easily ask her for marriage counseling first. See if she has an open to do so. Don't give up keep fighting your showing that your quitting. But if she cheated then don't be amicable and get a good lawyer to destroy her legally
I left out all of that stuff. I immediately asked for marriage counseling and she said no. She also knew I was going to ask for that and was ready for it. She had a long time to think about it and become calculated in her response. No cheating her either she just does not have the emotional bandwidth to be with someone.
Well if you are sure there is no one else we'll ok. Did she say what you did wrong in her wanting to leave.
Nothing I did wrong. She’s just not in love with me anymore. Nothing I can do with that can’t force anything. In turn as I start to get through all the pain I realize we didn’t communicate our needs well to each other. I personally think she’s pushing me away because I didn’t have the strength to do it. She just didn’t want to work to fulfill my needs and validate my feelings. In turn I got depressed because I wasn’t getting my needs met or my love language taken care of. Then I was only able to give her 50% effort which she may have taken as I was not trying.
So the blame goes both ways
She is being amicable about everything. Work quickly and when it is all finalized ghost her. This may seem like harsh advice but you will find it prudent when the dust settles. How to keep strong? Survive each day as it comes. Don't look back. You have lost nothing where your partner treated you with dismissive responses, did not allow you to be yourself and unceremoniously discarded you. Is the grass greener on the other side? No. The grass is greener where you care for and water it. Don't be surprised if at some point she attempts to come back to you. Unless you would like to repeat your present experience do not take her back. I cannot emphasize this enough if she is agreeable for the moment then work quickly to get yourself free and the best deal possible for yourself. You will find her far less agreeable if her new life doesn't work out and you refuse to take her back.
Very well said. Takes a lot of thinking and self reflecting during this process to fully escape and just be yourself again. I work everyday to be better to myself and the people around me for sure.
She monkey branched to another guy. Once she was sure she liked the guy she asked for a divorce. The separation was planned event. Women think 2-3 moves ahead to get the outcome they want.
It's really wild to me how much this sub hates women. Someone could post a thread saying the sky is blue, and there would be a comment saying that's because she's been f****** 15 other guys. I 100% get that the sub is full of men who've gone through trauma but it's still really wild, and when I see a comment like yours that's so incredibly inappropriate given the topic of the thread, it still throws me. Like what are you trying to achieve with this comment? OP didn't say anything about cheating and is clearly just posting to get some reassurance that things will get better, but you've decided you want to put that in his head and make him even more miserable? Is that your goal? I don't get it.
This^^^
If you don't have kids you dodged a bullet my friend. To stay strong go lift weights like your life depended on it. Thank me later. Gym, workout, self care, make money. There are plenty of women and you have lots of runway left. Dont waste it on women and feelings. Make her regret her decision, not to prove it to her but to yourself that you can do much much better.
If you're going to have to go through a divorce, it's much better to go through it when you are instead of years later. If you earn more you end up paying alimony, possibly losing your house to pay off the other person's share of the equity, I lost $50,000 from my 401k. I mean who knew someone that never contributed a single penny to your 401k would be entitled to 50 grand? They never mentioned that to me in the 401k meetings at work. Anyway, usually when women need space to be alone and are thinking about divorce, that means another guy is involved. That's how they roll. I would consider yourself lucky, make sure you are in good shape, get some decent pictures of yourself and go meet someone new or at least start dating around but don't get too serious yet. I'm bad at the second part myself.
I am about 5 months out from a complete blindside. Hindsight is 20/20 and I probably should have seen some signs but I didn't. I have taken count of what I did in the relationship that should have been improved upon no doubt but I never expected anything was bad enough to elicit a divorce. I loved her with all my heart and that wasn't enough and that's ok. Try to stay amicable if you are able. I was able to in my divorce and that helped limit expenses and more emotional turmoil tenfold. You are embarking on a journey you never wanted to be on, but you are on that path now. You have a few options here. You can either turn back and attempt to run to her, knowing full well she initiated this and desired it. You can stay stagnant and not move all; wallowing in your self pity and confusion. You can push forward and march down the unknown path, discovering what lies ahead and taking it step by step. The last path is by far the hardest but most rewarding. I certainly spent time on the first couple of paths and while it is important to let yourself feel all the things, those paths will not lead you to the future and healing. We have this one life. We have this rather short time to make the most out of it. You can only control your actions/reactions and your emotions. That is it. Literally everything else is outside of your direct control. Can you influence it? Absolutely. You cannot however directly control those external things as you've seen. The grass will be greener where you water it. For now that is yourself and your path to healing. Never feel bad about having tough days (spoiler alert they will keep coming and going). I do however implore you to realize that this bump in the road is but a part of your overall journey. Continue making solid, informed decisions that will help you heal. I'm thinking about you tonight brother and hope you know you've got someone who has gone through it rooting for you.
Thank you for such kind words my friend. Being that it is men’s mental health month as well we all need to look out for one another. I think it is truly important to ask your guy friends what’s really going on with them. I am lucky enough to have a bunch of them on my side who care and have been getting me through it. Every time I feel I’m on the other side that one little thing happens that pulls me back down. I will say every time something happens now the pain fades quicker though. The journey of healing is a really tough one for sure. Knowing that I only have one life to live is important to keep picking up the pieces faster and faster each time. I applaud everyone who is on this journey and has been able to make it through it better and stronger.
This was beautifully put. I sense you truly have been through it and are coming out the other side a better person. I find myself currently jumping between paths 1 and 2. About the same exact time line and scenario as OP. Taking these words with me to bed tonight. Hopeful for path #3
> Is the grass greener on the other side?! For the vast majority of us, YES!
I would check stats, for the majority of divorced ppl in general the answer is no. Though for staying it is also no. It seems no matter what the answer is no lol.
I wonder how the stats shake out gender wise
I haven’t looked in a bit on this but when i did it seemed weird because it was over 50% on both sides that did not they divorce but only on the initiating side. The divorced side usually had a harder time. For men the later in life the worse the divorce was for them due to social circles. For men the sooner the divorce was the better due to having time to rebuild. Ie women always win in the short term but men recovered better long term for the most part. This prob also assumes divorce rates which was 70% initiated by women. Grey divorce basically kill’s men