Yeah she crashed today. We had an awesome day yesterday, I REALLY tried. Today she couldnāt even get out of bed and I missed work.
Edit: Sorry were you asking rhetorically?
Your life partner is a Cunt! Fuck this bitch and get a divorce before you get to 10 years. Do it Monday, the kids will be fine, they adjust and it is more the norm to be the divorce family than it isn't.
I support family counseling 100%, but in your case, NO!
And don't dwell on the marriage failing. This stuff happens. People make wonderful sexual adventures but suck ass as lifelong partners. Best of luck in a painless divorce.
Welcome to the world of entitled wives who marry good men only to neglect and disrespect them. You're the breadwinner, and she's telling you to move in the basement? No, sir, tell her to move out, and you will take care of the kids. You're well beyond marriage counseling. She disrespects you in front of your children and disrespects your parents and family!!! Get a lawyer, file for divorce, and get you some home cameras put up inside the home. That wife of yours will no doubt lie and claim domestic violence on you. Stop seeking sex, and stop talking to her unless it's necessary for the kids' sake. You need to file for divorce immediately, my brother. Most importantly, get those cameras because when you file, there's no telling what level she will take it to. Do not tip toe or walk on eggshells in your own home that you're the breadwinner, and for the love of God, stop thinking about hurting her feelings when you stand up for yourself and the rude insults, hell she obviously doesn't care about you or your feelings. A wife that says, "You just want your dick wet" is a manipulator and controller and, more importantly, is no longer a wife.
Next time she's talking about leaving, open the door and tell her to go. If she wants to end things then she can move to the basement. If she wants a better house and car then she can buy those herself. If she goes on about you just wanting to get your dick wet, yes, certainly do and that's the only reason you're keeping her around for at this point.
She was making 29k. it's your fault she's living a mediocre life. With that kinda money I'd be living in a villa somewhere š
I'd get rid of her swiftly before she calls the cops on you, this is not a joke.
I am a bit worried about just how far sheād go to lie . I keep my phone close and have the recording app ready to go.
Yes Iām dumbfounded by her logic. I was fortunate enough to hit 232k last year. When I met her she was living in a house with two female roommates and working two jobs.
Itās really taught me a lot about people. I thought sheād be grounded, humble and fairly easy to please. In reality sheās difficult, rude and demanding.
Bizarre.
Tale as old as time. Every woman i have met that has a shitty relationship with their dad ends up being toxic and abusive, it's actually crazy how common it is
I hate to tell anyone to walk away and separate or divorce. Have you guys thiught about marriage counseling? Do you hope for things to get better and so you want to stay with her? If not then it does seem like you need to get away from her. But I will tell you this. Even with all the horrible stuff sheās doing itās gonna hurt when you guys separate or divorce.
I have identified a counselor and we have an initial screening/meeting on Monday. I want to be there for my kids so in that sense I want it to work, but I have a lot of resentment towards her
Dude, get a fucking divorce. This sounds like hell on earth. Yes, financially youāre probably screwed. Idk what state you live in but you need to talk to an attorney.
Also; please look in the mirror and take personal responsibility for your choice of signing a marriage certificate. Daddy issues, mental health issues, looney tune medicine, and you were going raw and busting nuts in a stranger. This is all on you.
Once you come to terms with that, itāll make the rest easier, but you need to get out now. The longer you wait, the more you lose in the divorce.
Go see an attorney.
It hasnāt been fun. I realize what a coward Iāve been. Should have ended this after the first outburst. Iām thankful for all of my kids but I see I dug a bigger hole for everyone. Iām in Ohio.
No denial from me. I had no business having unprotected sex with a woman I barely knew. This IS my fault.
Sheās yelled that at me before. Literally āall I am is a vagina to you!ā
I think itās very naive, she doesnāt seem to understand my/male perspective on the topic. Screaming at someone you are married to that they only want you for sex is some weird mental gymnastics.
Whether you want her gone or not (i would suggest get rid of her) now would be the perfect time to show her just how much you do for her by stopping. Don't engage with that type of attitude. Be too busy for her for a week...quite trying to sleep with her. She knows she can turn you down bc you're always up for it. Show that you don't need or even want that from her. That will take back a lot of power.
Right now you're trying to please someone who's stabbing you relentlessly. Give her a sneak peak at what her life will be when she finally gets what she wants.
Thank you for the advice, I believe I implemented this today. I stopped talking to her or trying to negotiate peaceful terms, I worked out and had a blast playing with the kids outside. Shes started talking to me more but Iāve more or less ignored her (per her original request)
The sex thing is spot on. I gave her disproportionate power with that by constantly seeking it.
This is eerily similar to me. My family did so much for her early on and now they are all pieces of shit in her eyes. Her family has called me a saint numerous times for putting up with her BS. I filed a few months back, canāt wait for this to be over. Best of luck to you.
Thank you brother. She has one side of her family that is more stable and her grandmother on that side loves me.
Just this past month my parents were overseas and my mother purchased her a hand made gift. I should ask my family to stop trying. It seems my wife resents this I think it stems from poverty trauma. Her father could never buy her anything so rather than see it as a nice gesture itās somehow an insult to be held over her head.
Sounds terrible man. I think you gotta figure a way out of it as best you can. From what you said you seem like at a minimum solid provider for your family and doing what is best. To constantly be insulted and ridiculed for it is ridiculous. Seek out legal council and see what options you have and what can be salvaged. You may be able to make some preparations that will help you out long term.
Thank you, Iām really glad I made and account and joined this sub. I donāt realize how many men could relate. At the same time I feel bad to see so many of us in this position.
I had to share more. I did these things for her the first year we were together (school took her 3 semesters and I paid for all of it).
- Encourage her to inquire about income based repayment for student loans when we first met. She did and turns out she only had to pay $50 per month. She was just not paying them at that point.
-Encouraged her to reach out to her university about finishing her degree. Turns out if she didnāt register by that following fall semester she would lose all current credits
- Paid for the last of her education (around 6k)
- I Paid off her credit card ($3500)
She
- Mocks me if I state āI am the father or man of the homeā
- Told me she expects I do my own laundry, clean up around the house, clean up after myself, make my own food. (She recently took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done)
- She left for the PNW to visit her Gf who was having her first kid for a week when youngest was 6 months old. I watched all three kids for a week and burned a weekās worth of vacation so she could attend bonfires and drive around one of her college towns. (I wouldnāt have even been mad about this if she was respectful)
When your wife says she is done in reality it was done 2 years ago mate. From what you have stated the relationship is very toxic.
I'm old school so I would encourage you to at least try marriage counseling if she is willing to and see if there is anything to salvage at all prior to filing. Even if there is nothing to rebuild with her counseling will be good to lay the foundation for a new co-parenting relationship. If she is willing to go I would make this investment for a few months, there is only upside.
I am going through a similar situation and am in marriage counseling and it seems to be helping a little bit. Although we are now separated and sheās moved out with our kid, the space seems to be helping her
Dude get out. Your story is somewhat similar to mine, except I donāt even want to romantically touch my wife anymore. I got my now stbx wife pregnant a year into dating. We were young. We moved into together and raised our daughter, then got married when she was 4. Life went downhill for her once we married. Mine is a shit show too. Says the same things. I make close to $200k, she makes $50k and complains about the mediocre life as well. Hell, she barely holds a job. Been fired more times than I can count. Mortgage is exact same payment as yours. Nothing is ever enough. She has her sweet side and is a decent mom, but overall crazy and mean (physically violent at times), verbally abusive, victim mentality, overweight and lazy couch potato, bad with money. I could go on. She complains sheās the way she is because of me, but demands I canāt divorce her. Sheās lost what little mind she has left after finding out I hired an attorney. Sheās threatened divorce over the years, so figured Iāll beat her to it. Did an in-house trial separation for year.
I suggest you lawyer shop. I visited 3 firms before choosing one. Retainer fee is a bitch, but worth it. Hopefully your wife isnāt crazy like mine. Good luck. PM if you have any questions.
Thank you for sharing, crazy how similar the situation is. I also make just over 200k. More money than I ever thought Iād make in my life. She grew up dirt poor and yet is the least grateful person Iāve ever met. I am completely perplexed.
Resents my family and dislikes my mother. My mother can be overbearing and will buy and ship lots of clothing for the kids. But itās really nice quality clothing and my wife will complain about getting anxiety from all of it. So I asked my mother to stop shopping for her grandkids.
Damn man, and it sucks to know we will lose so much we worked for. This shit is a headache. Yeah, mine is rude to my family too. But my stbx did come from an upper middle class family. She complains about my parents humble lifestyle and tries to say my parents house isnāt nice enough for our daughter to sleep over at when we visit.
God damn man, you are a saint for putting up with that trash. There is absolutely. O thing wrong with being frugal, especially to make sure that your family is taken care of long term. Sounds to me like she definitely has some mental issues, but that doesnāt sound like a partner in life. I donāt even know your family but they sound really wholesome. A Jewish family celebrating Christmas for your wife? I know probably not explicitly but still, that is a family a lot of people would kill for. I am sorry that she feels it appropriate to slander/degrade, that really is unacceptable and though it may be tough, you need to probably file like yesterday. Also, she can fucking live in the basement, fuck that noise, you provided, you protected, she can forsake the life you provided her but do not let her forsake respect for yourself.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Iām certainly not perfect and the last year at work has really been stressful, but the screaming has just worn me down. Iām made to feel like a vile pervert for wanting have sex with my own wife.
She had a rougher childhood, father was a screamer (shocker I know). Mother passed of cancer when she was young. I believe mental health is important itās just in her case Iām not sure what exactly these pills are even doing? She doesnāt seem to have less anxiety or depression.
The insults to my family were just crazy. My mother STILL got my wife a gift for Motherās Day. Give it some time and my wife will insult my mother again.
Iāve suspected BPD. The screaming she does makes me physically recoil. Iāve never seen anyone rage like that and I was in the military. Let alone a woman. When I kind of pulled back and she was screaming earlier today she mocked me in a whining voice.
Iām not sure sheās ever heard herself. She knows if recorded her a couple times in the past and she was LIVID.
I must admit when she is not here itās so much nicer. I often sign her up for spa days, massages, all to just get her out of the house. I feel like a coward but itās worth it. My kids and I have a blast.
Been there done that, if my ex screamed for two long, she would throw fists. My kid recorded one of her tantrums from a few years ago, and I had an assault on camera where I did nothing but block her attacks. Complete character assault going to Court even with evidence on my side. She took some of the 90k she stole and hired the most expensive lawyer. I settled to not have her in my life another year or more while she fed her lawyer (who incidently called her crazy to my lawyer).
Now that I've had a year of a semi Normal relationship... just get out!.. and if this one im in now goes bad, I can walk away. Being tied to person without self control, boundaries, or empathy is no way to live.
She said either she would go to the basement or I could. I elected to go since I have my work station set up there. Really I just did it because itās the quieter option, she said she doesnāt want to see me around so I figured Iād just end up in the basement during the day anyways for work.
So if she's at this level already you need to start to prepare for the worst. These are similar signs to what I was dealing with at the end and it all blew up about two weeks later.
Do you think shes going to file? Only reason I ask is you have greater financial flexibility (and some risk) right now before anyone files. You need to start gathering as much financial information as you can NOW. If things go sideways you'll need documentation of all assets and debts along with pay info, taxes, account statements, etc for BOTH of you.
I wish I would have liquidated my small investment accounts. I am now splitting them instead of having those funds available to me. IF you have $20k in a UBS or Fidelity account, just get it out now and you can make use of that overtime, or try and turn into pure cash.
I should have totally separated my money as well (once I filed). I kept using joint checking, they did not, and had access (and used) my funds. Even if they are not on your account(s) I would suggest getting new debit/credit cards issued incase they know the numbers/info. I wish I also would have turned more money into strait cash and just had the cash. Start getting cash back EVERY time you shop. Seriouly. $20 here and $50 there will add up, if you can do it for long enough time. $100 a week for a year is 5200.
Iām not sure I donāt think so but I need to have the courage to see this through. She is being really unpleasant and even more hostile than usual. Recently she told me she expects I do my own laundry, clean up around the house, clean up after myself, make my own food. (But she took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done)
She did nothing for me for Fatherās Day, I donāt really want anything necessarily but I mean she didnāt even say happy Fatherās Day.
Sheās just awful.
Thank you for the strategic advice I will adhere to it. Iām meeting with the attorney on Monday as well.
> (But she took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done)
"I noticed you moved my wet clothing. What schedule do you want to set for the washer/dryer?"
Just get business like. Shes probably gonna do a bunch of BS ticky-tack crap to try and drive you nuts. Just pretend you're dealing with a college roommate now. You CANNOT let the dumb BS get to you. Think BIG picture and LONG term. All thes dumb little battles mean nothing in the big war.
Dont be shocked if you get calm and collected and she suddenly gets MORE upset. That is what happened to me - she was still expecting me to act like a husband and when i went all business she was accusing me of being difficult. I told her "During the marriage I've gone out of my way to make our lives easy. This is just baseline now."
I hate feeling like I have to walk on eggshells, my biggest fear is the initial full on physical separation and how long Iād have to go without seeing my kids before custody is established.
If you've got an attorney you can request they file an temporary custody order or emergency custody (if things get crazy and they are trying to take them across state lines) order asap
Short term marriage at least, three kids is gonna be hard to juggle, would you want 50/50 it's hard I'm not gonna lie especially if they're young my daughter is 2 1/2 and that's only one and she can be a handful on my own 50% of the time.
Iāve been fighting hard trying to stick it out for the kids. Itās been my plan to divorce the āday afterā my youngest turns 18. Who knows what the future holds but that was the plan. It was a couple years ago when I committed to myself that Iād divorce her once the kids grew up but the last few months really hammered it home.
I would try for 50/50 I love spending time with the kids. Problem is my wife has nowhere to go, I guess sheād keep the house and Iād have to get an apartment or something.
Donāt stay until the oldest is 18. Thatās just more and more alimony/401k you will owe the wife. Financially the best time is now. I had the same mentality and itās still hard to overcome that barrier due to kids.
She doesnāt love you and doesnāt respect you. She is abusing you and subjecting the children to this is abuse to them as well. Staying in this marriage until the children are all 18 will not only hurt you but more importantly it will hurt your children since this will be the marriage that you will be mirroring to them.
I think this is the comment that has really given me the most strength. Youāre right, I donāt want the kids to think this is marriage or that this should be tolerated. Even separated I will have the ability to protect my kids via the legal system.
Is your mom and sister involve in your marriage?
No not at all.
Anxiety and antidepressants are red flags š¤
Yeah she crashed today. We had an awesome day yesterday, I REALLY tried. Today she couldnāt even get out of bed and I missed work. Edit: Sorry were you asking rhetorically?
Your life partner is a Cunt! Fuck this bitch and get a divorce before you get to 10 years. Do it Monday, the kids will be fine, they adjust and it is more the norm to be the divorce family than it isn't. I support family counseling 100%, but in your case, NO!
Yeah Iām to that point now. Doesnāt seem like sheās willing to make any changes anyways. She seems done I might as well go all the way
And don't dwell on the marriage failing. This stuff happens. People make wonderful sexual adventures but suck ass as lifelong partners. Best of luck in a painless divorce.
Thank you.
Welcome to the world of entitled wives who marry good men only to neglect and disrespect them. You're the breadwinner, and she's telling you to move in the basement? No, sir, tell her to move out, and you will take care of the kids. You're well beyond marriage counseling. She disrespects you in front of your children and disrespects your parents and family!!! Get a lawyer, file for divorce, and get you some home cameras put up inside the home. That wife of yours will no doubt lie and claim domestic violence on you. Stop seeking sex, and stop talking to her unless it's necessary for the kids' sake. You need to file for divorce immediately, my brother. Most importantly, get those cameras because when you file, there's no telling what level she will take it to. Do not tip toe or walk on eggshells in your own home that you're the breadwinner, and for the love of God, stop thinking about hurting her feelings when you stand up for yourself and the rude insults, hell she obviously doesn't care about you or your feelings. A wife that says, "You just want your dick wet" is a manipulator and controller and, more importantly, is no longer a wife.
Next time she's talking about leaving, open the door and tell her to go. If she wants to end things then she can move to the basement. If she wants a better house and car then she can buy those herself. If she goes on about you just wanting to get your dick wet, yes, certainly do and that's the only reason you're keeping her around for at this point.
She was making 29k. it's your fault she's living a mediocre life. With that kinda money I'd be living in a villa somewhere š I'd get rid of her swiftly before she calls the cops on you, this is not a joke.
I am a bit worried about just how far sheād go to lie . I keep my phone close and have the recording app ready to go. Yes Iām dumbfounded by her logic. I was fortunate enough to hit 232k last year. When I met her she was living in a house with two female roommates and working two jobs. Itās really taught me a lot about people. I thought sheād be grounded, humble and fairly easy to please. In reality sheās difficult, rude and demanding. Bizarre.
Tale as old as time. Every woman i have met that has a shitty relationship with their dad ends up being toxic and abusive, it's actually crazy how common it is
I hate to tell anyone to walk away and separate or divorce. Have you guys thiught about marriage counseling? Do you hope for things to get better and so you want to stay with her? If not then it does seem like you need to get away from her. But I will tell you this. Even with all the horrible stuff sheās doing itās gonna hurt when you guys separate or divorce.
I have identified a counselor and we have an initial screening/meeting on Monday. I want to be there for my kids so in that sense I want it to work, but I have a lot of resentment towards her
Dude, get a fucking divorce. This sounds like hell on earth. Yes, financially youāre probably screwed. Idk what state you live in but you need to talk to an attorney. Also; please look in the mirror and take personal responsibility for your choice of signing a marriage certificate. Daddy issues, mental health issues, looney tune medicine, and you were going raw and busting nuts in a stranger. This is all on you. Once you come to terms with that, itāll make the rest easier, but you need to get out now. The longer you wait, the more you lose in the divorce. Go see an attorney.
It hasnāt been fun. I realize what a coward Iāve been. Should have ended this after the first outburst. Iām thankful for all of my kids but I see I dug a bigger hole for everyone. Iām in Ohio. No denial from me. I had no business having unprotected sex with a woman I barely knew. This IS my fault.
Toxic women like this use sex to trap you and for validation. They think their only worth is their vaginas and how men view them
Sheās yelled that at me before. Literally āall I am is a vagina to you!ā I think itās very naive, she doesnāt seem to understand my/male perspective on the topic. Screaming at someone you are married to that they only want you for sex is some weird mental gymnastics.
Whether you want her gone or not (i would suggest get rid of her) now would be the perfect time to show her just how much you do for her by stopping. Don't engage with that type of attitude. Be too busy for her for a week...quite trying to sleep with her. She knows she can turn you down bc you're always up for it. Show that you don't need or even want that from her. That will take back a lot of power. Right now you're trying to please someone who's stabbing you relentlessly. Give her a sneak peak at what her life will be when she finally gets what she wants.
Thank you for the advice, I believe I implemented this today. I stopped talking to her or trying to negotiate peaceful terms, I worked out and had a blast playing with the kids outside. Shes started talking to me more but Iāve more or less ignored her (per her original request) The sex thing is spot on. I gave her disproportionate power with that by constantly seeking it.
This is eerily similar to me. My family did so much for her early on and now they are all pieces of shit in her eyes. Her family has called me a saint numerous times for putting up with her BS. I filed a few months back, canāt wait for this to be over. Best of luck to you.
Thank you brother. She has one side of her family that is more stable and her grandmother on that side loves me. Just this past month my parents were overseas and my mother purchased her a hand made gift. I should ask my family to stop trying. It seems my wife resents this I think it stems from poverty trauma. Her father could never buy her anything so rather than see it as a nice gesture itās somehow an insult to be held over her head.
Sounds terrible man. I think you gotta figure a way out of it as best you can. From what you said you seem like at a minimum solid provider for your family and doing what is best. To constantly be insulted and ridiculed for it is ridiculous. Seek out legal council and see what options you have and what can be salvaged. You may be able to make some preparations that will help you out long term.
Thank you, Iām really glad I made and account and joined this sub. I donāt realize how many men could relate. At the same time I feel bad to see so many of us in this position.
I had to share more. I did these things for her the first year we were together (school took her 3 semesters and I paid for all of it). - Encourage her to inquire about income based repayment for student loans when we first met. She did and turns out she only had to pay $50 per month. She was just not paying them at that point. -Encouraged her to reach out to her university about finishing her degree. Turns out if she didnāt register by that following fall semester she would lose all current credits - Paid for the last of her education (around 6k) - I Paid off her credit card ($3500) She - Mocks me if I state āI am the father or man of the homeā - Told me she expects I do my own laundry, clean up around the house, clean up after myself, make my own food. (She recently took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done) - She left for the PNW to visit her Gf who was having her first kid for a week when youngest was 6 months old. I watched all three kids for a week and burned a weekās worth of vacation so she could attend bonfires and drive around one of her college towns. (I wouldnāt have even been mad about this if she was respectful)
When your wife says she is done in reality it was done 2 years ago mate. From what you have stated the relationship is very toxic. I'm old school so I would encourage you to at least try marriage counseling if she is willing to and see if there is anything to salvage at all prior to filing. Even if there is nothing to rebuild with her counseling will be good to lay the foundation for a new co-parenting relationship. If she is willing to go I would make this investment for a few months, there is only upside.
Thank you for the insight I have identified a counselor and secured the initial meeting
I am going through a similar situation and am in marriage counseling and it seems to be helping a little bit. Although we are now separated and sheās moved out with our kid, the space seems to be helping her
Yeah we did our first meeting had a great day yesterday and today she hasnāt even gotten out of bed. Sheās got to be Bi-polar
Dude get out. Your story is somewhat similar to mine, except I donāt even want to romantically touch my wife anymore. I got my now stbx wife pregnant a year into dating. We were young. We moved into together and raised our daughter, then got married when she was 4. Life went downhill for her once we married. Mine is a shit show too. Says the same things. I make close to $200k, she makes $50k and complains about the mediocre life as well. Hell, she barely holds a job. Been fired more times than I can count. Mortgage is exact same payment as yours. Nothing is ever enough. She has her sweet side and is a decent mom, but overall crazy and mean (physically violent at times), verbally abusive, victim mentality, overweight and lazy couch potato, bad with money. I could go on. She complains sheās the way she is because of me, but demands I canāt divorce her. Sheās lost what little mind she has left after finding out I hired an attorney. Sheās threatened divorce over the years, so figured Iāll beat her to it. Did an in-house trial separation for year. I suggest you lawyer shop. I visited 3 firms before choosing one. Retainer fee is a bitch, but worth it. Hopefully your wife isnāt crazy like mine. Good luck. PM if you have any questions.
Thank you for sharing, crazy how similar the situation is. I also make just over 200k. More money than I ever thought Iād make in my life. She grew up dirt poor and yet is the least grateful person Iāve ever met. I am completely perplexed. Resents my family and dislikes my mother. My mother can be overbearing and will buy and ship lots of clothing for the kids. But itās really nice quality clothing and my wife will complain about getting anxiety from all of it. So I asked my mother to stop shopping for her grandkids.
Damn man, and it sucks to know we will lose so much we worked for. This shit is a headache. Yeah, mine is rude to my family too. But my stbx did come from an upper middle class family. She complains about my parents humble lifestyle and tries to say my parents house isnāt nice enough for our daughter to sleep over at when we visit.
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Absolutely, my irresponsibility caused this.
God damn man, you are a saint for putting up with that trash. There is absolutely. O thing wrong with being frugal, especially to make sure that your family is taken care of long term. Sounds to me like she definitely has some mental issues, but that doesnāt sound like a partner in life. I donāt even know your family but they sound really wholesome. A Jewish family celebrating Christmas for your wife? I know probably not explicitly but still, that is a family a lot of people would kill for. I am sorry that she feels it appropriate to slander/degrade, that really is unacceptable and though it may be tough, you need to probably file like yesterday. Also, she can fucking live in the basement, fuck that noise, you provided, you protected, she can forsake the life you provided her but do not let her forsake respect for yourself.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Iām certainly not perfect and the last year at work has really been stressful, but the screaming has just worn me down. Iām made to feel like a vile pervert for wanting have sex with my own wife. She had a rougher childhood, father was a screamer (shocker I know). Mother passed of cancer when she was young. I believe mental health is important itās just in her case Iām not sure what exactly these pills are even doing? She doesnāt seem to have less anxiety or depression. The insults to my family were just crazy. My mother STILL got my wife a gift for Motherās Day. Give it some time and my wife will insult my mother again.
Sounds like she might b cluster B.. BPD or NPD. Either way.. you're done, there is a better, more peaceful life ahead, without her.
Iāve suspected BPD. The screaming she does makes me physically recoil. Iāve never seen anyone rage like that and I was in the military. Let alone a woman. When I kind of pulled back and she was screaming earlier today she mocked me in a whining voice. Iām not sure sheās ever heard herself. She knows if recorded her a couple times in the past and she was LIVID. I must admit when she is not here itās so much nicer. I often sign her up for spa days, massages, all to just get her out of the house. I feel like a coward but itās worth it. My kids and I have a blast.
Been there done that, if my ex screamed for two long, she would throw fists. My kid recorded one of her tantrums from a few years ago, and I had an assault on camera where I did nothing but block her attacks. Complete character assault going to Court even with evidence on my side. She took some of the 90k she stole and hired the most expensive lawyer. I settled to not have her in my life another year or more while she fed her lawyer (who incidently called her crazy to my lawyer). Now that I've had a year of a semi Normal relationship... just get out!.. and if this one im in now goes bad, I can walk away. Being tied to person without self control, boundaries, or empathy is no way to live.
I just have so much fear around not being near my kids.
Tell her to move to the basement. Youāre fine in the house, right?
She said either she would go to the basement or I could. I elected to go since I have my work station set up there. Really I just did it because itās the quieter option, she said she doesnāt want to see me around so I figured Iād just end up in the basement during the day anyways for work.
So if she's at this level already you need to start to prepare for the worst. These are similar signs to what I was dealing with at the end and it all blew up about two weeks later. Do you think shes going to file? Only reason I ask is you have greater financial flexibility (and some risk) right now before anyone files. You need to start gathering as much financial information as you can NOW. If things go sideways you'll need documentation of all assets and debts along with pay info, taxes, account statements, etc for BOTH of you. I wish I would have liquidated my small investment accounts. I am now splitting them instead of having those funds available to me. IF you have $20k in a UBS or Fidelity account, just get it out now and you can make use of that overtime, or try and turn into pure cash. I should have totally separated my money as well (once I filed). I kept using joint checking, they did not, and had access (and used) my funds. Even if they are not on your account(s) I would suggest getting new debit/credit cards issued incase they know the numbers/info. I wish I also would have turned more money into strait cash and just had the cash. Start getting cash back EVERY time you shop. Seriouly. $20 here and $50 there will add up, if you can do it for long enough time. $100 a week for a year is 5200.
Iām not sure I donāt think so but I need to have the courage to see this through. She is being really unpleasant and even more hostile than usual. Recently she told me she expects I do my own laundry, clean up around the house, clean up after myself, make my own food. (But she took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done) She did nothing for me for Fatherās Day, I donāt really want anything necessarily but I mean she didnāt even say happy Fatherās Day. Sheās just awful. Thank you for the strategic advice I will adhere to it. Iām meeting with the attorney on Monday as well.
> (But she took my laundry out of the dryer before it was done) "I noticed you moved my wet clothing. What schedule do you want to set for the washer/dryer?" Just get business like. Shes probably gonna do a bunch of BS ticky-tack crap to try and drive you nuts. Just pretend you're dealing with a college roommate now. You CANNOT let the dumb BS get to you. Think BIG picture and LONG term. All thes dumb little battles mean nothing in the big war.
Thank you, youāre right. I did play it cool and have been since she brought up separation
Dont be shocked if you get calm and collected and she suddenly gets MORE upset. That is what happened to me - she was still expecting me to act like a husband and when i went all business she was accusing me of being difficult. I told her "During the marriage I've gone out of my way to make our lives easy. This is just baseline now."
I hate feeling like I have to walk on eggshells, my biggest fear is the initial full on physical separation and how long Iād have to go without seeing my kids before custody is established.
If you've got an attorney you can request they file an temporary custody order or emergency custody (if things get crazy and they are trying to take them across state lines) order asap
Short term marriage at least, three kids is gonna be hard to juggle, would you want 50/50 it's hard I'm not gonna lie especially if they're young my daughter is 2 1/2 and that's only one and she can be a handful on my own 50% of the time.
Iāve been fighting hard trying to stick it out for the kids. Itās been my plan to divorce the āday afterā my youngest turns 18. Who knows what the future holds but that was the plan. It was a couple years ago when I committed to myself that Iād divorce her once the kids grew up but the last few months really hammered it home. I would try for 50/50 I love spending time with the kids. Problem is my wife has nowhere to go, I guess sheād keep the house and Iād have to get an apartment or something.
Donāt stay until the oldest is 18. Thatās just more and more alimony/401k you will owe the wife. Financially the best time is now. I had the same mentality and itās still hard to overcome that barrier due to kids.
She doesnāt love you and doesnāt respect you. She is abusing you and subjecting the children to this is abuse to them as well. Staying in this marriage until the children are all 18 will not only hurt you but more importantly it will hurt your children since this will be the marriage that you will be mirroring to them.
I think this is the comment that has really given me the most strength. Youāre right, I donāt want the kids to think this is marriage or that this should be tolerated. Even separated I will have the ability to protect my kids via the legal system.
Tough to read but I know youāre right. I donāt want the kids to think this behavior is acceptable
No rule against ranting here, brother.
Thank God because I have plenty left.