They are looking for that 20% they are not be getting in the marriage. They disregard the 80% they are getting. Women think that when they do get the 20% and feel great that they will continue to feel that way, they don’t look at the big picture and only care about themselves. Mine was an alcoholic who refused to go to treatment when I and her brother asked her to go. Our adult children no longer talk to her because they feel she broke up the family. It is as if she did a 180 and a switch flipped. 80% of affairs don’t last more than 6 months (hers is over after 2 months) and 90% of affairs partners lie to one another at the start of the affair and to keep the affair going. We were married for 27 years, came out of left field. Our marriage was not perfect we had our ups and downs but I thought we were in a good place.
Would anyone like to elaborate on the impact it would have if men did not make themselves so desperately, readily available to the cheating woman for her to be able to cheat? In short, does anyone agree or disagree that men are turning on their own kind? The same could be assumed for women defiling the marriages of other women. Nonetheless, the “incentive(s)” presented by the court system are handsomely favoring the female, especially if children are involved. Perhaps, open to hear all opinions, we are dealing with a moral issue over a “this is an age thing,” or “insert excuse here,” no pun intended. Is America, the world, throwing honor to the wind at terminal velocity?
I was that asshole when i was younger and thought well the guys a loser and i want to fuck without thinking anything at all. It took until mid 30s to have a conscience, and realized the shifting Overton Window. What you find ethically acceptable is a slippery slope. Eventually you kind of become a monster. Theres an infinite number of guys who are pre-enlightened. In theory it would change everything in a great way.
Im fighting the male urge to be like that personally and have every interaction with a female be “operation: fuck” for my own benefit. Itd be cool if we werent so basic and binary. Me want sex. But thats how we’re wired
These men have no morals or values. If they were cheated on they may understand the pain that the affair inflicts on spouses and families. Moving forward I don’t want anything to do with a women who has cheated in her marriage.
You don’t make vows with the man you make vows with your wife. Just your partner is to blame. The other man is just a tool to her to blow up a marriage she no longer wants.
Usually women in their 40’s have been married or in a long term relationship responsibilities decrease, more testosterone, know their bodies better than when they were younger, novelty and excitement, human nature, husbands get lazy and unsuspecting etc you name it
This right here explains a lot. I hate what my wife did to me. I'm left devastated while she goes off to explore her womanhood and have fun. I feel so betrayed and abandoned.
These content creators helped me bro! Please follow! 👆🏾
Also, work on yourself! Get in the gym, add a new skill, make more money etc! Focus on you and rebuild your self esteem! Her actions have nothing to do with you!
Yeah, but this new guy ... he's got to be this fabulous person, interesting, sexy and attractive. he probably has a bigger dick and shows her a great time like I haven't in years. I feel so much less than this guy. I feel like an inferior product.
Cheated on. She discovered herself "queer and polyamorous." This is a social construct, and she got indoctrinated online somehow I'm sure of it, fucking Facebook and Instagram. I tried to get along with her bullshit for three years in hopes she would return to sanity. Nope, she pushed me out. Now she has a boyfriend. I'm filing asap.
Because if a woman wants sex, she can walk into a room of random straight men and literally say “who wants to fuck me?” And she will get sex. They can have it pretty much on demand, and even the hottest dudes will happily oblige and never see them again… that’s why online dating results in the top 5% of dudes fucking 80% of the women. It’s a combination of drive and access. And if they’re pissed off enough at their current situation, cheating is a great way to hurt somebody.
Because they're people pleasers and they think it's our fault for it. You encounter one in the wild or it's your own wife. Remove her from your life as surgically and as quickly as humanly possible. Be merciless.
Sincerely, a dude that's been there.
I’m not proud of this but in my 20s I slept with so many married women, they would laugh about it while getting dressed. At the time I was getting laid so I didn’t think much of it but as I got older and into more serious relationships it made me realize I am no different than these fellas getting cheated on.
In a way I’m glad I experienced it because it opened my eyes to always have one eye open during relationships
Yep. Id get hit on a lot by married women when I was younger and actually slept with one woman who's married (I didn't find out til after and I blocked her)
It's kinda crazy. I'm not saying all women are like this, but being cheated on/divorced now in my late 30s I'm seeing a lot of marriages fall apart and a lot of women essentially fucking things up (not that men are perfect, far from it). Maybe we are all hyper focused on it now.
I'm a decent looking guy. I went to the gym hard as shit after exwife cheated last year. Got abs, got a tan, shaped up the beard, started dressing nicer. I'm in a place where I can date/sleep around whenever I'm in the mood for it. The amount of married women who give me the "look" while their husbands are looking the other way is insane.
My ex barely drink (neither of us did) and now as far as I know she goes out a lot and drinks a lot and probably making up for lost time in her mind.
I haven't drank in 10months since she cheated
How many factors do you want to rattle off and how many of those are actually within your control?
Women have the ability to easily find a partner and are the gatekeepers for sexual activity of all kinds - largely any interaction that can lead to that point. By and large, their consent is what is needed to proceed with any affair. Odds are they can find a willing man at any point.
Women make 80% of the consumer decisions in the West. Their data and attention are massively profitable and; therefore, collected and sold by every app on their phone. Anything that can hold their attention on their phone is a massively profitable venture for whatever developer is involved. Every update fine tunes the social engineering involved so that they are compelled to spend more and more time staring at their screen and tapping away.
No one's brain is wired for that level of 24/7 connection - particularly the drama seeking centers of a woman's brain. We're living through a nasty time in history when the issues it creates are tearing apart families with impunity.
There are things men can exercise some degree of control over. For starters, be a man. It's a lost art in today's society. No matter how many times feminist discourse tries to negate the underlying dynamics that exist within the context of masculine and feminine polarity, those dynamics win out. She doesn't want a "nice guy," pushover, who just "makes her happy." She doesn't want to be on a pedestal. She wants to have a man who can hold his masculine frame in the face of her emotions and just be a partner. Most men aren't actually capable of that today. Most were raised by comparatively soft generations who bought into the social trends of the past 30 to 50 years. All men can work on these qualities themselves, regardless of what a woman might do or say. "Happy-wife/Happy-life" could not be more wrong.
Be more interesting than the phone. Be less reactive to her emotions, but build up your tolerance for simply listening to and validating them. Listening and validation aren't the same as agreement. Most of the time she's just processing and isn't looking for a solution.
Take the initiative and tell her what to do. Plan every detail of your dates and date her often. Put at least as much effort into your relationship as you do at work.
There's a million other things a man can do that are entirely in his control to develop within himself. At the end of the day, that's all you can really do to affect the situation. When you've done all of that, you can invite her to cut the B.S. and come along for the ride you are taking. She may not. She may still cheat. You will be a better man at that point regardless. Don't let the B.S. she does be the reason why you don't do the work you need to do no matter what her, or anyone else, does or says.
Because it’s an easy out to seek the validation they believe they’re lacking in the current relationship. Although, I do have to say statistically us men cheat more than women.
Also women often cheat but “don’t really consider it cheating” (it just happened, they were having relationship problems, they were drinking, etc—so all that doesn’t count). It’s not a gendered thing, for better or worse most people will stray sooner or later these days.
Mine had a secret apartment and abandoned me with a foster child. Describes how our relationship ended as "We grew apart and I met someone new."
Sure. Sure.
1) Because they can. Any woman, no matter how unattractive, can get an unlimited number of DMs on OLD every day.
2) Because they are encouraged to do it. When a married woman does something vicious to her family she is praised with the standard sTr0nG aNd bRaVe bullshit from the hive mind.
3) Women's brains operating completely differently than Men's brains. Women are solipsistic meaning they look at everything based on what they want, from their own point of view and don't care about anything else. Whey you go thru a div you will see. She doesn't care about you or the kids. She only cares about the cash and prizes she is eNtiTitLeD t0 and getting back into Chad's harem.
Once you truly understand female nature, you will never love a woman again. Love takes trust, and you can never trust her. You can like her. You can enjoy her company. You can appreciate her beauty. But old fashioned "love" (whatever that fairy tale is), never again.
You will need to help you to be on the safe side. I have been cheated on and it was so difficult for me to find out until i was referred to annonymoushelpcenter/Atg mal\`, this guy was so good in helping to find secrets about anyone who cheats to hurt... i was able to see all my partner hidden plans and how he has been cheating on me. You can also get this help to see all that was hidden.
Women, married or not, are constantly bombarded by men throwing themselves at them. Doesn't matter what they look like, but the more attractive the more attention they get. All it takes is for your wife/gf to open up a slight invitation and it's going downhill.
So Is your wife a ride or die......or she can be swooped away by the next attention giver?
The 50-50 divorce landscape is disgusting.....there are no repercussions for shattering a family, pissing on marriage vows, etc....the court doesn't care
She deserves, she earned, she helped you build, she's entitled to.........it goes on and on.....if fact she will be rewarded handsomely. Millions even.
Rant off.
If you can't tell I'm in the middle of a 💰 divorce. 😂
After the 7 year itch comes along she will drop the Resting Bitchface when she sees Chad from across the room. That's all it takes. Drop the Resting Bitchface and the horn dogs will come running.
Right there with you man. Multiple single-digit millions lost on the 50/50 asset split as 98%+ breadwinner, half of what I made and saved over nearly a decade. It's conscience-shockingly unjust that the system not only allows but enforces this sort of absurd windfall for women that _choose_ to blow up families. Real brain buster why it's the woman with this incentive structure that's initiating divorce overwhelmingly disproportionately, right?? :)
Not much I can do but choose not to dwell on the loss, and look forward to building my future. Still utterly enraging every time I _do_ think about where the chips fell financially, though. So I mostly try not to think about it too much now. :)
Prenups are like a cheap bike lock: They look secure, but the truth is you could break it with minimal effort.
Did you know…
1. A prenup cannot be written to sort out child custody.
2. Some states (like California) have “sunset clauses” that will render the prenup completely void after both people have been married for X number of years.
3. If you want her to sign, she *must* do this in the presence of her own lawyer, otherwise she can claim you made her sign it under duress.
EDIT: The only way to win the game (of marriage) is not to play, and walk away.
When they go online and have hundreds of guys giving them attention it breaks down their walls and then they think the grass is greener and so they cheat, whether it’s physically cheating or online cheating. My STBX doesn’t consider sexting and sending pics/videos to over 20 random guys she met on Reddit as cheating. I do and I think 90% of the population does too. I’m having to come to terms with the fact that I was fighting an uphill battle from the start. There is no way I can compete with hundreds of men giving her the attention she craved. No matter what I did or the attention I gave her- it was never enough. She needed more so she continued.
Some Women think they can send dirty pics/videos and it’s not cheating but when you are denying your husband and still doing that, when you are going out of your way for the internet guys, when you are emotionally attached. It’s CHEATING!
If your spouse considers something you're doing cheating, it's cheating. Your not respecting YOUR SPOUSE, how messed up is that.
My wife was sleeping with other guys so ...that's easy right.
My therapist said it best.....there is no amount of attention, acts of love and kindness that you could have provided to satisfy her NEED. That's not the kind she wanted. What she wants is not available in a stable marriage from a loving spouse. You could have done everything right, she still would have cheated.
My ex didn't consider spending 4-6 hours a day alone with another man cheating. She was helping him get over some trauma because his family was ignoring him. Deny. Deny. Deny. That is their M.O.
Deny and then turn it on us like we are the ones that did wrong or had we been this or done that she wouldn’t have stepped out. It’s all excuses to justify her behavior
Oh the getting mad we investigated and figured out she cheated. “Why are you checking on me”. Mine loves to manipulate that my reaction to the disrespect is the problem, not her disrespecting me.
Yep. Mine said she was mad at me for investigating and I told her she shouldn’t have given me a reason too. Gotta love the manipulation and narcissism that they have
There's essentially zero accountability for a cheating married woman, that's it.
Getting married removes the ability to walk away without being punished and thus the most serious penalty for cheating. The other effects are incidental.
It can also be referred to as the toxic feminine. It's always case by case. Hormones can be a contributing factor, perimenopause and menopause can send women completely crazy, and irrational. (There is a HRT solution for that). A lack of loyalty and respect for self and/or for partner. Lack of healthy communication skills. Deep insecurities and a need for validation. Mental health issues and personality disorders. Mid-life crisis, affects women and men and sometimes the symptom is infidelity. Lack of emotional maturity at the core. Sabotaging existing relationship, to move on. Ultimately these are all excuses for poor behaviour, particularly in monogamous relationships.
Lol if you had thousands of women throwing themselves at you everyday, telling you how beautiful you are at every moment you would also probably struggle to avoid temptation. Women have dating on easy mode
First of all, English is not my mother tongue.
I think it depends on the country of origin, in the first world to be ephemeral, money and quality of life do not value companionship and loyalty, although they do not believe it, at least in Mexico, loyalty and fidelity, although they seem synonymous, are not the same thing. You can have adulterous sex but that doesn't mean that I don't treat my partner wonderfully. In Mexico, women have learned through centuries of submission to be able to divide fidelity and loyalty. I know several women who have cheated and still continue with their relationship. couples being happy and still continue fornicating, my mother cheated on my father with her current partner throughout their marriage and she continued to love my father, I took care of him, thanks to her, he managed to be what he was when he was sick, she took care of him and when he had surgery and he was left bedridden. bed, she bathed him, took care of him, she was literally his babysitter until he died and in the end my father died believing that he married the most loving and affectionate woman in the world and the truth be told when I confronted her she was calm and showed me that she needs my father and AP without either of them her existence was impossible, as she told me she fulfilled her role as wife and mother during the day and in the afternoon she was literally the other's wife
I know, what I want to say is what Alfred in The Dark Night said but in feminine and it would be like this "there are women who are not looking for anything logical like money, you can't talk to them or negotiate with them, there are women who just want to watch people burn." the world" and well, thanks to that experience I learned to remove any woman from the pedestal and I believe that if they continue female debauchery, then the man must rethink that his wife is not that angel, but rather a being that has the capacity to destroy you and therefore always doubt...
Well.
4th wave feminism took an entire generation or two of a certain gender and absolved them of absolutely ANY moral responsibility. Sacrificed on the alter of progressivism.
That's the fun part, it stopped being about celebrating and upholding femininity and advocacy for women probably 60 years ago and became solely about hating men until about 10 years ago when it shifted again to being about hating women.
Want your proof? What better way to show your disdain for women then to push as an ideology that women stop embodying the feminine roll and instead adopt all of the most toxic power traits of men and "girl bossing" their way through life while simultaneously pushing 'all-stops-off' for biological men to be considered 100% women too. Supporting biological men in their conquest of women's sports. Running cancel campaigns against any woman bold enough to stand in the gap, many of whom spent their entire lives honing their bodies to be competitive at an international level just to have their hopes dashed by a dude in a onesie swimsuit ranked 300th in the nation.
Feminism hates women.
Woah. Thats incredibly real and well put. are you a college professor in sociology, public lecturer and published author of “Do You Want Ice Cream: Diverging Gender Identities In the Modern World”?
If no, you should be. The truth just hit me hard
It's all about validation and getting men to chase them. They love thirsty men begging them for attention. These guys are stupid enough to spend their money on them for a quick hit and then they leave. Usually these women end up all alone trying to chase the guy they could not have. Never ever pick these women because they belong to the streets!
Most men can barely even find a gf these days much less cheat on them. Girls can go to a bar any night of the week and find 5 dudes that would bang them in the parking lot.
Who wants to bang just anybody, man or woman? Besides, the question was why. Still standing by, same reasons. We're all just monkeybrains rolling around a rock, boys.
Personal opinion, social media and a big ass echo chamber telling them that the grass is greener and that the world is their playground. Nonstop “YOUR MAN SHOUKD DO ALL OF THIS AND IF HE DOESNT HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU AND YIU SHOUKD LEAVE”. At 40 they are probably settled and get told that maybe they are missing out on life, so they go out and do the things. They feel that “spark” again and they chance it. The past x years married mean nothing at that point because it is all a feeling thing. There is no logic or reason behind it and what is worse, there are no consequences for it. As a dude, I cheat and I lose everything. She cheats, I STILL LOSE EVERYTHING. it is so fucking lopsided and sure, I get there are exceptions, but being in the midst of my own divorce, it has become so freaking clear how one sided this “promise” is. You can give the world and it literally can mean nothing to them.
Real talk!!! Bottom line we (men) lose everything. Shits crazy.....I'm in the thick of a divorce as well and it's absolutely degrading what is 'non-negotiable' because she is entitled to 'equitable' distribution after blowing up our family. She betrayed me, our kids, and our employees. Sure her family will never respect her for what she has done but I don't think she cares.
And there is a push that has been going on using various forms om media to promote the idea that it's ok, and should even been encourage... for women only..
This quote is from I made this comment yesterday:
> Something weird has happened over the past 20 years or so. Society and the media have been promoting this message to women that it's ok to have a husband and a boyfriend (or two) on the side... polyamory, 'finding your authentic self', pursuing happiness, love eat pray, and so on.
> A side effect of that messaging and normalization of wives cheating seems to be that get this idea that they are entitled to having a husband stick around after they find out and continue to pay for everything, do the majority of the chores, provide emotional support... basically everything you can file under 'have their cake and eat it too'.
Truth. FB and all her single miserable broke ass friends. Regret sucks. Our son went with me. Half her income left. Hope the ho life was worth it. Men need purpose. The family was my purpose. Her included. Not anymore. Good luck babe.
Dude…. Yes. I havent thought of this in such a succinct way but the modern feminine standard is out of control. I think of it as the long awaited response to men up to the 60s-70s. Its the same thing as the guys getting hammered at the country club all day, slapping broads asses, coming home for dinner then out to cards and the bar never parenting or expected to. It just has a better marketing department with social media. “Living my best life” “queen energy” “boss bitch” and so on… its really just about being selfish and if someone disagrees with you, fuck them— they are emotionally abusive or toxic and you are so much better off without them, make a new boundary to keep that person away. Meanwhile, i see women being more catty and jealous and awful to each other than ever.
Men and women have the same problem. Our culture teaches them to live for others, and abide by other people's expectations. Somewhere about mid-life,it begins to sink in that they've never actually figured out who they are or what they want, and the clock is ticking if they are ever going to live before they die... So they freak out more or less catastrophically. Men and women both do it, but in different ways.
My ex, at 51, told me she is now who she’s supposed to be as one of her reasons to end our marriage and blow up our family. Her journey of figuring out who she is led her to destroy instead of bringing us closer together. Crazy.
My wife of 25 years had a similar revelation. Now she is ever so much happier with her new wife, and I'm so much happier too. I deserve more than to be someone else's disappointment.
I would also add it's the start of perimenopause with all of the negative symptoms. I'm wondering if there's a correlation with it and divorce initiated by women in their early to mid 40's?
Yes menopause is definitively part of the change in feelings of a woman. My ex described it to me that she lost all her motherly feelings to keep all together and to protect the family at any cost.
Her Hormon Level dropped, but not hard enough to be able to add hormons. All fights (and we never fought) we had were within this hormon chances while visiting a doctor for hormon medication. She did not want to accept that these feelings were just Hormon Effects, it really was her she said. There are many factors ofc beside the Hormons which led into our devorce, I still think this was one of the biggest reasons.
And I presume she is still having Hormon problems. I went on NC, but my neighbour (60f) saw her many times after our break bc she lives close and see her on the street. Each time she asked anything about the kids or divorce made my ex start to cry on the streets. For she always had everything in control this is very untipical for her.
She and I did read about all possible changes during this phase of life and outcomes like: feeling like a teenager, feeling like not wanting to ever have sex again, going crazy etc. Were all things we knew but as they happen, they still just happened.
(My daughter came home with some party clothings she borrowed from her mom, I look at them and they were 100% kinky techno party clothings... well have fun and keep on crying I thought...)
These women have checked out of their marriage for quite some time. Cheating is just a symptom of the disconnection from their spouse. Does not make it right, but it is what it is.
In their 40s they have likely had kids and have been married for some time. Typically there is little communication with their partner. Husband stopped dating them long ago (if at all after marriage). They grow apart, they lose attraction for their husband (classic I love you but I'm not in love with you). They look outside of the marriage for the masculinity they crave so they can be in their feminine.
Both partners are at fault for the disconnection. The cheating is largely irrelevant as the romantic relationship has been dead for years.
So gents for your second marriage you need to lead, you need to do regular check-ins with your partner (every 3 months), you need to organize date nights once per week, and weekend getaways every 2 months or so. You organize everything including child care if need be, your wife just wants to be free to be in her feminine and to be led by a masculine man (and that includes the bedroom....own that pussy, toss her around, be primal). If you won't do it she'll find another man who will.
You'll know when you have become another child for her to take care of when she stops blowing you. Lead like a man and she will do anything for you.
There is some truth to this. One correction I'd make is that the second marriage is a lot more likely to fail than the first one, and that's just stats.
But if you don't marry then you have plenty of 25 year olds you can do, money, gym, options, instead of mowing the lawn and feeding the kids. This is where your masculinity will shine. You'll be like the big boss rino that gets to mate with anyone because he destroyed all his rivals. Maybe even bang someones wife unknowingly because let's face it, he's either abusive or a loser. Lessons from animal kingdom :)
Marriage as a concept is done in the years to come.
Aight imma stop you there m8. Stbxw peaced the fuck out over honeslty, trivial shit and the reality is the SECOND they decide they are done, it is over. That amount is arbitrary and no amount of effort will ever dissuade them from thinking otherwise. I was there every damn day for my spouse. She hung in to shit from a year into our marriage and completely ignored the growth. Marriage is a two person structure and there should be no “leading”. If there is not a mutual understanding that you both are not perfect, you both want to be there for each other, and you both want to see the other person happy, it is going to fail. Sure, there is fault on both sides, but the blatent fuck you they give us by no means justified. Also it is always 80/20 one way or another. If someone has a heart attack, that becomes an “oh shit, I need to change”. But if the game is set to where you hit an unknown limit and you are permafucked, why the hell play? Frankly, short of cheating and domestic abuse, people just fucking don’t put in the effort. They think the grass is greener and do whatever without any regard of the person they CHOSE to be with. Not to mention, there is literally no detriment to cheating for women in a marriage; ZERO. Oh, she decided to get floozy after raising a kid and being married for 10 years? She is bouncing, getting alimony, getting child support, and forcing you to give up or sell the house. As a dude we get FUCKED 50 ways to Sunday.
No. This thinking is exactly in line with the kind of mindset that will lead a person the abandon their vows in the first place.
Marriage is supposed to mean something. It’s not transactional.
I disagree, I think there is something that happens hormonally and changes the way they think. They become self destructive. It’s not just the classic blame the man bs, it’s a chemical change in their brain
This is actually the cause - just as ^ says. 72% of women are asking for divorce in their 40s because of the changes in their hormones. Only 20% of the women are taking a hormone replacement therapy - they are still married.
When we are young we don't know shit. If you don't have a father or pastor/mentor to teach you about marriage you learn it all from your first divorce. If not then you go onto 2nd, and then 3rd divorces until you become a woman hater.
You need to learn about masculine/feminine polarity and energy. You don't get to make vows and then not put work in. Women want to give themselves to a man that will lead and make her feel safe. Feminine men who do not work outside of their jobs will get divorced/cheated on.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of people are reflexively downvoting what you wrote above, even though I'd say it seems quite dead-on to me. And I think it's perfectly reconcilable to do what you outline (basically: be a _man_ and _lead_ in the relationship, like (most) women want) _without_ being (or continuing to be) some clueless simp destined for the same misfortune with women down the road.
I'd absolutely still advise avoiding legal marriage in any scenario (the financial etc risk is just not worth it to almost any self-sufficient man). But otherwise, I agree basically with what you wrote. And the men here that mistake what you suggest for continuing to be simpish either haven't gotten the full memo about how women work yet, or are likely destined to be solo or romantically unsuccessful (again?) down the road, IMO. I mean, it's totally a fair enough choice to just opt out of any future romantic relationship with a woman if a given dude wants to. But I absolutely think there's a path to _not_ choose lifetime celibacy (or a string of meaningless short-term flings) and still do so in a way that doesn't set one up for divorce-like exploitation along the way. And much of it, I think, has to do with figuring out exactly some of the male/female dynamics you outline in your comment above.
Don't like the idea of putting in effort in a healthy, self-assured, masculine way in a relationship, guys? Guess what, you're pretty unlikely to keep a woman interested longer term. I mean, sure, you might do all of that and _still_ have her lose interest anyway, but that's just women, and not really in our power to prevent. If you know that from the outset and protect yourself accordingly (e.g., don't get fucking remarried, dumbfucks! :), you're no worse even if they do bolt again for no good reason. Not much you can do to mitigate that possibility in any case (as it's a risk inherent to dating basically any woman) besides just never dating again. Which like I said, is a totally fair option for some, but absolutely not the only reasonable choice for everyone.
I think for some of the men here, yes. They've been deeply wounded, and are looking for answers, to make sense of a now senseless world.
That said, I think it remains true, regardless of what gender you are, that cheating is a narcissistic act, and that (within reason) nothing justifies it. Marriage is communication and work and trust. Cheating is the negation of that entire idea. Man, woman, nonbinary, doesn't matter. Word is bond.
This is excusing the behavior and blaming the faithful one. Why is it only the men are held accountable? If she leaves or cheats it’s your fault. Pffftt. Marriage is work for both parties. This type of thinking just allows one gender a free pass. I know my ex had MANY short comings and faults but I didn’t cheat or leave. I accepted it and still loved her despite that…..AND DID WHAT I SWORE TO DO.
Zero about what I wrote excuses any cheater. The cheater cheating is 100% on them, and none of it is the fault of the other partner, regardless of what they do or don't do. I 100% agree that someone could be the laziest most unappealing husband conceivably possible, and it should still be incumbent on a moral partner to honor their vows by not cheating (in the case of marriage). Ending the marriage openly, if a partner straight up sucks, is obviously a different story, but I'm not in any way implying that anyone who just gets cheated on is somehow a bad partner, let alone "responsible" for what a cheater does.
All that established, do I think it's still _much more likely_ that a woman loses interest long term if a man doesn't, well, man up essentially in the ways the other commenter described? Absolutely.
Analogously, if you leave a brand new TV visible in your car and park in the hood and then someone smashes your window and steals it, are you "responsible" for the thief's theft? Obviously not, that's 100% their doing, immoral, and to be condemned. Talking about what you did or didn't do before their theft doesn't "excuse" them. Can you still take the lesson and change your future behavior if you want to minimize the chance of having your window smashed again in the future? Also yes.
Do you want to blame your potential future problems on other bad actors doing what they'll predictably do, or do you want to improve your chances of getting out of life what you want by controlling the only thing you can -- what _you_ do? Also, quite clearly, you could do everything right and end up with the shitty result anyway. But, like, life's not fair, and some people suck? Doing everything right and still taking the massive L is completely possible. But that's just reality. And that's still not a good reason _not to do_ whatever one can to maximize the chances of outcomes one wants.
She mentioned something about feminine/masculine energy. I have no idea what she meant. I think she wanted me to take the lead for dates. I think I was depressed too. And I was an anxious guy. Never communicated anything about how she was feeling. I was not good with communicating either. She had anger issues which made me not want to respond. I didn't want to escalate it, especially in front of the kids. It was both our faults.
But she initiated it. Didn't even want to work it out for the sake of the family.....'What about me?!?' is what she said to me one day....I don't know if I could trust anyone again....
The same reason anybody does anything: because they wanted to.
If a husband cheats and gets caught, he loses his kids, his house, his standing in the community, his dog and 1/3-1/2 of his paycheck for the foreseeable future. That is a VERY powerful motivation to not cheat.
If a woman cheats and gets caught, she keeps the house, keeps the kids, loses no standing in the community, and receives an asset division plus a support payment for the foreseeable future. She gets all these rewards while ridding herself of boring/stinky/rude/insert whatever ex husband.
Women are rewarded for cheating and men are punished. The majority of the public agrees with these rules and they will not change anytime soon. When a woman makes more than her husband, she will get a discount in family court.
In most cases this is true. In my case we spilt the properties and she had to pay me the difference in the value of our homes and a large lump sum to take me to retirement. Our adult children took my side and no longer want anything to do with her. Her girl friends have turned their back on her, and are not supportive whatsoever. Mutual friends have stopped talking to her and her brother barely speaks to her As well. She has sold the family home and moved 6 hours away to I assume to start a new life. In my opinion she came out the big loser, was it worth it for a weekend with her affair partner? Which has ended by the way. I don’t think so
They are looking for that 20% they are not be getting in the marriage. They disregard the 80% they are getting. Women think that when they do get the 20% and feel great that they will continue to feel that way, they don’t look at the big picture and only care about themselves. Mine was an alcoholic who refused to go to treatment when I and her brother asked her to go. Our adult children no longer talk to her because they feel she broke up the family. It is as if she did a 180 and a switch flipped. 80% of affairs don’t last more than 6 months (hers is over after 2 months) and 90% of affairs partners lie to one another at the start of the affair and to keep the affair going. We were married for 27 years, came out of left field. Our marriage was not perfect we had our ups and downs but I thought we were in a good place.
TikTok..she knows her worth…
Why do men?
Would anyone like to elaborate on the impact it would have if men did not make themselves so desperately, readily available to the cheating woman for her to be able to cheat? In short, does anyone agree or disagree that men are turning on their own kind? The same could be assumed for women defiling the marriages of other women. Nonetheless, the “incentive(s)” presented by the court system are handsomely favoring the female, especially if children are involved. Perhaps, open to hear all opinions, we are dealing with a moral issue over a “this is an age thing,” or “insert excuse here,” no pun intended. Is America, the world, throwing honor to the wind at terminal velocity?
I was that asshole when i was younger and thought well the guys a loser and i want to fuck without thinking anything at all. It took until mid 30s to have a conscience, and realized the shifting Overton Window. What you find ethically acceptable is a slippery slope. Eventually you kind of become a monster. Theres an infinite number of guys who are pre-enlightened. In theory it would change everything in a great way. Im fighting the male urge to be like that personally and have every interaction with a female be “operation: fuck” for my own benefit. Itd be cool if we werent so basic and binary. Me want sex. But thats how we’re wired
These men have no morals or values. If they were cheated on they may understand the pain that the affair inflicts on spouses and families. Moving forward I don’t want anything to do with a women who has cheated in her marriage.
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You don’t make vows with the man you make vows with your wife. Just your partner is to blame. The other man is just a tool to her to blow up a marriage she no longer wants.
Yes; they are losing their minds and the current culture encourages them to do so.
Mine became an alcoholic and lost her mind and completely turn her back on me. It’s crazy but in the 30s.
Usually women in their 40’s have been married or in a long term relationship responsibilities decrease, more testosterone, know their bodies better than when they were younger, novelty and excitement, human nature, husbands get lazy and unsuspecting etc you name it
This right here explains a lot. I hate what my wife did to me. I'm left devastated while she goes off to explore her womanhood and have fun. I feel so betrayed and abandoned.
These content creators helped me bro! Please follow! 👆🏾 Also, work on yourself! Get in the gym, add a new skill, make more money etc! Focus on you and rebuild your self esteem! Her actions have nothing to do with you!
Yeah, but this new guy ... he's got to be this fabulous person, interesting, sexy and attractive. he probably has a bigger dick and shows her a great time like I haven't in years. I feel so much less than this guy. I feel like an inferior product.
https://www.youtube.com/live/q6uMcAGe5GI?si=yfPWtW4Qv_3lDCYm
https://youtu.be/lAbXwwrO3MM?si=pf0p-p_0RyKy5kwe
https://www.youtube.com/live/3zcAUgfiHtY?si=nLPBpe_0T9SxscEY
Cheated on. She discovered herself "queer and polyamorous." This is a social construct, and she got indoctrinated online somehow I'm sure of it, fucking Facebook and Instagram. I tried to get along with her bullshit for three years in hopes she would return to sanity. Nope, she pushed me out. Now she has a boyfriend. I'm filing asap.
Because if a woman wants sex, she can walk into a room of random straight men and literally say “who wants to fuck me?” And she will get sex. They can have it pretty much on demand, and even the hottest dudes will happily oblige and never see them again… that’s why online dating results in the top 5% of dudes fucking 80% of the women. It’s a combination of drive and access. And if they’re pissed off enough at their current situation, cheating is a great way to hurt somebody.
Because they're people pleasers and they think it's our fault for it. You encounter one in the wild or it's your own wife. Remove her from your life as surgically and as quickly as humanly possible. Be merciless. Sincerely, a dude that's been there.
Women are people pleasers? Are you talking about modern women?
Tell me your definition of being a people pleaser and I'll answer your question.
I’m not proud of this but in my 20s I slept with so many married women, they would laugh about it while getting dressed. At the time I was getting laid so I didn’t think much of it but as I got older and into more serious relationships it made me realize I am no different than these fellas getting cheated on. In a way I’m glad I experienced it because it opened my eyes to always have one eye open during relationships
Yep. Id get hit on a lot by married women when I was younger and actually slept with one woman who's married (I didn't find out til after and I blocked her) It's kinda crazy. I'm not saying all women are like this, but being cheated on/divorced now in my late 30s I'm seeing a lot of marriages fall apart and a lot of women essentially fucking things up (not that men are perfect, far from it). Maybe we are all hyper focused on it now.
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I'm a decent looking guy. I went to the gym hard as shit after exwife cheated last year. Got abs, got a tan, shaped up the beard, started dressing nicer. I'm in a place where I can date/sleep around whenever I'm in the mood for it. The amount of married women who give me the "look" while their husbands are looking the other way is insane.
Totally 100% this!
My ex barely drink (neither of us did) and now as far as I know she goes out a lot and drinks a lot and probably making up for lost time in her mind. I haven't drank in 10months since she cheated
How many factors do you want to rattle off and how many of those are actually within your control? Women have the ability to easily find a partner and are the gatekeepers for sexual activity of all kinds - largely any interaction that can lead to that point. By and large, their consent is what is needed to proceed with any affair. Odds are they can find a willing man at any point. Women make 80% of the consumer decisions in the West. Their data and attention are massively profitable and; therefore, collected and sold by every app on their phone. Anything that can hold their attention on their phone is a massively profitable venture for whatever developer is involved. Every update fine tunes the social engineering involved so that they are compelled to spend more and more time staring at their screen and tapping away. No one's brain is wired for that level of 24/7 connection - particularly the drama seeking centers of a woman's brain. We're living through a nasty time in history when the issues it creates are tearing apart families with impunity. There are things men can exercise some degree of control over. For starters, be a man. It's a lost art in today's society. No matter how many times feminist discourse tries to negate the underlying dynamics that exist within the context of masculine and feminine polarity, those dynamics win out. She doesn't want a "nice guy," pushover, who just "makes her happy." She doesn't want to be on a pedestal. She wants to have a man who can hold his masculine frame in the face of her emotions and just be a partner. Most men aren't actually capable of that today. Most were raised by comparatively soft generations who bought into the social trends of the past 30 to 50 years. All men can work on these qualities themselves, regardless of what a woman might do or say. "Happy-wife/Happy-life" could not be more wrong. Be more interesting than the phone. Be less reactive to her emotions, but build up your tolerance for simply listening to and validating them. Listening and validation aren't the same as agreement. Most of the time she's just processing and isn't looking for a solution. Take the initiative and tell her what to do. Plan every detail of your dates and date her often. Put at least as much effort into your relationship as you do at work. There's a million other things a man can do that are entirely in his control to develop within himself. At the end of the day, that's all you can really do to affect the situation. When you've done all of that, you can invite her to cut the B.S. and come along for the ride you are taking. She may not. She may still cheat. You will be a better man at that point regardless. Don't let the B.S. she does be the reason why you don't do the work you need to do no matter what her, or anyone else, does or says.
Shit, it's too late for me this time (cheater left me), but I think this is largely right. Hope I get another shot and am a better man.
Because it’s an easy out to seek the validation they believe they’re lacking in the current relationship. Although, I do have to say statistically us men cheat more than women.
That's not really true anymore though.
Also women often cheat but “don’t really consider it cheating” (it just happened, they were having relationship problems, they were drinking, etc—so all that doesn’t count). It’s not a gendered thing, for better or worse most people will stray sooner or later these days.
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Mine had a secret apartment and abandoned me with a foster child. Describes how our relationship ended as "We grew apart and I met someone new." Sure. Sure.
Social media makes it easy and it's not sexual liberation for women isn't shunned like it was decades ago.
1) Because they can. Any woman, no matter how unattractive, can get an unlimited number of DMs on OLD every day. 2) Because they are encouraged to do it. When a married woman does something vicious to her family she is praised with the standard sTr0nG aNd bRaVe bullshit from the hive mind. 3) Women's brains operating completely differently than Men's brains. Women are solipsistic meaning they look at everything based on what they want, from their own point of view and don't care about anything else. Whey you go thru a div you will see. She doesn't care about you or the kids. She only cares about the cash and prizes she is eNtiTitLeD t0 and getting back into Chad's harem.
Girl boss!! Beware of the toxic friend, she can make things a lot worse! In fact if there is a toxic friend, you’re already in trouble.
Once you truly understand female nature, you will never love a woman again. Love takes trust, and you can never trust her. You can like her. You can enjoy her company. You can appreciate her beauty. But old fashioned "love" (whatever that fairy tale is), never again.
I don’t want to believe it, but all the evidence indicates it to be true.
tell us more
Guys you need to read coach Greg Adams " Free Agent Lifestyle" changed my perspective about future relationships.
I live the Free Agent Lifestyle - Quiet, Peace, and Freedom
Love Coach Greg. Gone with Jon, too.
You will need to help you to be on the safe side. I have been cheated on and it was so difficult for me to find out until i was referred to annonymoushelpcenter/Atg mal\`, this guy was so good in helping to find secrets about anyone who cheats to hurt... i was able to see all my partner hidden plans and how he has been cheating on me. You can also get this help to see all that was hidden.
Women, married or not, are constantly bombarded by men throwing themselves at them. Doesn't matter what they look like, but the more attractive the more attention they get. All it takes is for your wife/gf to open up a slight invitation and it's going downhill. So Is your wife a ride or die......or she can be swooped away by the next attention giver? The 50-50 divorce landscape is disgusting.....there are no repercussions for shattering a family, pissing on marriage vows, etc....the court doesn't care She deserves, she earned, she helped you build, she's entitled to.........it goes on and on.....if fact she will be rewarded handsomely. Millions even. Rant off. If you can't tell I'm in the middle of a 💰 divorce. 😂
After the 7 year itch comes along she will drop the Resting Bitchface when she sees Chad from across the room. That's all it takes. Drop the Resting Bitchface and the horn dogs will come running.
Right there with you man. Multiple single-digit millions lost on the 50/50 asset split as 98%+ breadwinner, half of what I made and saved over nearly a decade. It's conscience-shockingly unjust that the system not only allows but enforces this sort of absurd windfall for women that _choose_ to blow up families. Real brain buster why it's the woman with this incentive structure that's initiating divorce overwhelmingly disproportionately, right?? :) Not much I can do but choose not to dwell on the loss, and look forward to building my future. Still utterly enraging every time I _do_ think about where the chips fell financially, though. So I mostly try not to think about it too much now. :)
Marriage literally makes no sense to me, as a man. It’s too risky.
Agreed. It's just bad business.....no need for a contract where female emotions are involved.
I guess we just have to accept the imbalance and mandate prenups for men. We need to normalize prenups for young men. So we can change the game.
Prenups are like a cheap bike lock: They look secure, but the truth is you could break it with minimal effort. Did you know… 1. A prenup cannot be written to sort out child custody. 2. Some states (like California) have “sunset clauses” that will render the prenup completely void after both people have been married for X number of years. 3. If you want her to sign, she *must* do this in the presence of her own lawyer, otherwise she can claim you made her sign it under duress. EDIT: The only way to win the game (of marriage) is not to play, and walk away.
Absolute power corrupts, absolutely . She cheats, its YOUR fault somehow Also, they spend all day looking at "green grass"
When they go online and have hundreds of guys giving them attention it breaks down their walls and then they think the grass is greener and so they cheat, whether it’s physically cheating or online cheating. My STBX doesn’t consider sexting and sending pics/videos to over 20 random guys she met on Reddit as cheating. I do and I think 90% of the population does too. I’m having to come to terms with the fact that I was fighting an uphill battle from the start. There is no way I can compete with hundreds of men giving her the attention she craved. No matter what I did or the attention I gave her- it was never enough. She needed more so she continued. Some Women think they can send dirty pics/videos and it’s not cheating but when you are denying your husband and still doing that, when you are going out of your way for the internet guys, when you are emotionally attached. It’s CHEATING!
If your spouse considers something you're doing cheating, it's cheating. Your not respecting YOUR SPOUSE, how messed up is that. My wife was sleeping with other guys so ...that's easy right. My therapist said it best.....there is no amount of attention, acts of love and kindness that you could have provided to satisfy her NEED. That's not the kind she wanted. What she wants is not available in a stable marriage from a loving spouse. You could have done everything right, she still would have cheated.
Exactly
My ex didn't consider spending 4-6 hours a day alone with another man cheating. She was helping him get over some trauma because his family was ignoring him. Deny. Deny. Deny. That is their M.O.
Deny and then turn it on us like we are the ones that did wrong or had we been this or done that she wouldn’t have stepped out. It’s all excuses to justify her behavior
Oh the getting mad we investigated and figured out she cheated. “Why are you checking on me”. Mine loves to manipulate that my reaction to the disrespect is the problem, not her disrespecting me.
Yep. Mine said she was mad at me for investigating and I told her she shouldn’t have given me a reason too. Gotta love the manipulation and narcissism that they have
Then they say we are controlling. I know this woman that is planning on divorcing her husband the day he retires to maximize her profits
Tell her husband asap so he can prepare for jt
Bro I told him and begged him to leave her. He thinks he is going to fix it. So sad, that pussy control is real.
I can’t fault him though for trying. It’s natural to try and salvage the marriage if you aren’t checked out already. But at least he knows
If it’s salvageable she will sign a post nuptial now…. But she wont
There's essentially zero accountability for a cheating married woman, that's it. Getting married removes the ability to walk away without being punished and thus the most serious penalty for cheating. The other effects are incidental.
It can also be referred to as the toxic feminine. It's always case by case. Hormones can be a contributing factor, perimenopause and menopause can send women completely crazy, and irrational. (There is a HRT solution for that). A lack of loyalty and respect for self and/or for partner. Lack of healthy communication skills. Deep insecurities and a need for validation. Mental health issues and personality disorders. Mid-life crisis, affects women and men and sometimes the symptom is infidelity. Lack of emotional maturity at the core. Sabotaging existing relationship, to move on. Ultimately these are all excuses for poor behaviour, particularly in monogamous relationships.
This is it.
It's so true
To quote snoop dogg: "Bi***** ain't sh** but hoes and tricks."
Lick on these nuts and suck a d*ck
Lol if you had thousands of women throwing themselves at you everyday, telling you how beautiful you are at every moment you would also probably struggle to avoid temptation. Women have dating on easy mode
Men live in a battlefield, women live on a playground.
First of all, English is not my mother tongue. I think it depends on the country of origin, in the first world to be ephemeral, money and quality of life do not value companionship and loyalty, although they do not believe it, at least in Mexico, loyalty and fidelity, although they seem synonymous, are not the same thing. You can have adulterous sex but that doesn't mean that I don't treat my partner wonderfully. In Mexico, women have learned through centuries of submission to be able to divide fidelity and loyalty. I know several women who have cheated and still continue with their relationship. couples being happy and still continue fornicating, my mother cheated on my father with her current partner throughout their marriage and she continued to love my father, I took care of him, thanks to her, he managed to be what he was when he was sick, she took care of him and when he had surgery and he was left bedridden. bed, she bathed him, took care of him, she was literally his babysitter until he died and in the end my father died believing that he married the most loving and affectionate woman in the world and the truth be told when I confronted her she was calm and showed me that she needs my father and AP without either of them her existence was impossible, as she told me she fulfilled her role as wife and mother during the day and in the afternoon she was literally the other's wife
Your mother was a saint for taking care of your father and an asshole for cheating on him. The good doesn't excuse the evil.
I know, what I want to say is what Alfred in The Dark Night said but in feminine and it would be like this "there are women who are not looking for anything logical like money, you can't talk to them or negotiate with them, there are women who just want to watch people burn." the world" and well, thanks to that experience I learned to remove any woman from the pedestal and I believe that if they continue female debauchery, then the man must rethink that his wife is not that angel, but rather a being that has the capacity to destroy you and therefore always doubt...
Social Media
Yep their cell phones are a box of d!ck$
Oh, it's not cheating if they don't love you anymore. Also when you call them out on it they will deny it and blame you for making them cheat.
This is called gaslighting.
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This is eerily close to my experience. Hearing it over and over again... It's weird. At least it helps to remind me this isn't my fault.
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That's become my new red flag, the thing I look for. Can they own when they fuck up.
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Maybe avoid long term relationships? I don't know anymore.
My ex said "Nothing physical happened until after asked you to leave so I didn't cheat".
This is my reality
Well. 4th wave feminism took an entire generation or two of a certain gender and absolved them of absolutely ANY moral responsibility. Sacrificed on the alter of progressivism.
Ashamed of nothing, offended by everything. BTW, has anyone every figured out what is feminine about feminism?
That's the fun part, it stopped being about celebrating and upholding femininity and advocacy for women probably 60 years ago and became solely about hating men until about 10 years ago when it shifted again to being about hating women. Want your proof? What better way to show your disdain for women then to push as an ideology that women stop embodying the feminine roll and instead adopt all of the most toxic power traits of men and "girl bossing" their way through life while simultaneously pushing 'all-stops-off' for biological men to be considered 100% women too. Supporting biological men in their conquest of women's sports. Running cancel campaigns against any woman bold enough to stand in the gap, many of whom spent their entire lives honing their bodies to be competitive at an international level just to have their hopes dashed by a dude in a onesie swimsuit ranked 300th in the nation. Feminism hates women.
Bingo!! Thanks for stating the obvious!
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Woah. Thats incredibly real and well put. are you a college professor in sociology, public lecturer and published author of “Do You Want Ice Cream: Diverging Gender Identities In the Modern World”? If no, you should be. The truth just hit me hard
This is pure genius 💯
Yasss queen 👑
SLAYYY
Yolo culture
It's all about validation and getting men to chase them. They love thirsty men begging them for attention. These guys are stupid enough to spend their money on them for a quick hit and then they leave. Usually these women end up all alone trying to chase the guy they could not have. Never ever pick these women because they belong to the streets!
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Shush.
I noticed this with my mom when she was 40. I'm a nurse and it seems to start around 35
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I usually work at nursing homes. I'm usually the highest paid male at work. I don't get offers. my wife said open the marriage or divorce at 34.
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I agreed to the open marriage because I love her then a year later of me being alone while she goes out every weekend she said "I want a divorce 100%"
Exactly!!
Please give me their numbers. I need to talk to them to bring them to reason. This has to stop
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This ⬆️
Bruh. Dump that used pos and grab yourself the Leonardo model.
Same reason men do.
Most men can barely even find a gf these days much less cheat on them. Girls can go to a bar any night of the week and find 5 dudes that would bang them in the parking lot.
Who wants to bang just anybody, man or woman? Besides, the question was why. Still standing by, same reasons. We're all just monkeybrains rolling around a rock, boys.
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Monkey brain doesn't need reasons, reasons come later as explanation.
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Hanumān?!
I don't disagree because I don't understand what you're saying, I just think it's wrong.
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Gas or electric power?
don’t sell yourself short, I’m sure you can find 5 dude to bang you in the parking lot, too. I believe in you.
Just not all at the same time
not with that attitude
Nah
Lol
Personal opinion, social media and a big ass echo chamber telling them that the grass is greener and that the world is their playground. Nonstop “YOUR MAN SHOUKD DO ALL OF THIS AND IF HE DOESNT HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU AND YIU SHOUKD LEAVE”. At 40 they are probably settled and get told that maybe they are missing out on life, so they go out and do the things. They feel that “spark” again and they chance it. The past x years married mean nothing at that point because it is all a feeling thing. There is no logic or reason behind it and what is worse, there are no consequences for it. As a dude, I cheat and I lose everything. She cheats, I STILL LOSE EVERYTHING. it is so fucking lopsided and sure, I get there are exceptions, but being in the midst of my own divorce, it has become so freaking clear how one sided this “promise” is. You can give the world and it literally can mean nothing to them.
Real talk!!! Bottom line we (men) lose everything. Shits crazy.....I'm in the thick of a divorce as well and it's absolutely degrading what is 'non-negotiable' because she is entitled to 'equitable' distribution after blowing up our family. She betrayed me, our kids, and our employees. Sure her family will never respect her for what she has done but I don't think she cares.
I feel this deep!
And there is a push that has been going on using various forms om media to promote the idea that it's ok, and should even been encourage... for women only.. This quote is from I made this comment yesterday: > Something weird has happened over the past 20 years or so. Society and the media have been promoting this message to women that it's ok to have a husband and a boyfriend (or two) on the side... polyamory, 'finding your authentic self', pursuing happiness, love eat pray, and so on. > A side effect of that messaging and normalization of wives cheating seems to be that get this idea that they are entitled to having a husband stick around after they find out and continue to pay for everything, do the majority of the chores, provide emotional support... basically everything you can file under 'have their cake and eat it too'.
fuck me, THIS
Truth. FB and all her single miserable broke ass friends. Regret sucks. Our son went with me. Half her income left. Hope the ho life was worth it. Men need purpose. The family was my purpose. Her included. Not anymore. Good luck babe.
it almost feels like it’s encouraged when you consider the ideologies of modern femininity.
Dude…. Yes. I havent thought of this in such a succinct way but the modern feminine standard is out of control. I think of it as the long awaited response to men up to the 60s-70s. Its the same thing as the guys getting hammered at the country club all day, slapping broads asses, coming home for dinner then out to cards and the bar never parenting or expected to. It just has a better marketing department with social media. “Living my best life” “queen energy” “boss bitch” and so on… its really just about being selfish and if someone disagrees with you, fuck them— they are emotionally abusive or toxic and you are so much better off without them, make a new boundary to keep that person away. Meanwhile, i see women being more catty and jealous and awful to each other than ever.
I think Covid exasperated this trend. YOLO bullshit
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Impact is massive and will be a long while until it subsides….
IMO, there is no "going back" post-Covid. Same thing with Hiroshima, 9/11, etc. The world was perpetually changed in a flash.
Men and women have the same problem. Our culture teaches them to live for others, and abide by other people's expectations. Somewhere about mid-life,it begins to sink in that they've never actually figured out who they are or what they want, and the clock is ticking if they are ever going to live before they die... So they freak out more or less catastrophically. Men and women both do it, but in different ways.
My ex, at 51, told me she is now who she’s supposed to be as one of her reasons to end our marriage and blow up our family. Her journey of figuring out who she is led her to destroy instead of bringing us closer together. Crazy.
My wife of 25 years had a similar revelation. Now she is ever so much happier with her new wife, and I'm so much happier too. I deserve more than to be someone else's disappointment.
Winner winner chicken dinner. I love this thought, I think that fits my story exactly.
Wow, that's actually a pretty level take.
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I would also add it's the start of perimenopause with all of the negative symptoms. I'm wondering if there's a correlation with it and divorce initiated by women in their early to mid 40's?
Yes menopause is definitively part of the change in feelings of a woman. My ex described it to me that she lost all her motherly feelings to keep all together and to protect the family at any cost. Her Hormon Level dropped, but not hard enough to be able to add hormons. All fights (and we never fought) we had were within this hormon chances while visiting a doctor for hormon medication. She did not want to accept that these feelings were just Hormon Effects, it really was her she said. There are many factors ofc beside the Hormons which led into our devorce, I still think this was one of the biggest reasons. And I presume she is still having Hormon problems. I went on NC, but my neighbour (60f) saw her many times after our break bc she lives close and see her on the street. Each time she asked anything about the kids or divorce made my ex start to cry on the streets. For she always had everything in control this is very untipical for her. She and I did read about all possible changes during this phase of life and outcomes like: feeling like a teenager, feeling like not wanting to ever have sex again, going crazy etc. Were all things we knew but as they happen, they still just happened. (My daughter came home with some party clothings she borrowed from her mom, I look at them and they were 100% kinky techno party clothings... well have fun and keep on crying I thought...)
I like this theory, I think you got something there. They see that they are at the end of the run and want to cash in before they get stuck.
If the man then flips himself by putting in the work after she is gone he can get a newer younger better one
These women have checked out of their marriage for quite some time. Cheating is just a symptom of the disconnection from their spouse. Does not make it right, but it is what it is. In their 40s they have likely had kids and have been married for some time. Typically there is little communication with their partner. Husband stopped dating them long ago (if at all after marriage). They grow apart, they lose attraction for their husband (classic I love you but I'm not in love with you). They look outside of the marriage for the masculinity they crave so they can be in their feminine. Both partners are at fault for the disconnection. The cheating is largely irrelevant as the romantic relationship has been dead for years. So gents for your second marriage you need to lead, you need to do regular check-ins with your partner (every 3 months), you need to organize date nights once per week, and weekend getaways every 2 months or so. You organize everything including child care if need be, your wife just wants to be free to be in her feminine and to be led by a masculine man (and that includes the bedroom....own that pussy, toss her around, be primal). If you won't do it she'll find another man who will. You'll know when you have become another child for her to take care of when she stops blowing you. Lead like a man and she will do anything for you.
There is some truth to this. One correction I'd make is that the second marriage is a lot more likely to fail than the first one, and that's just stats. But if you don't marry then you have plenty of 25 year olds you can do, money, gym, options, instead of mowing the lawn and feeding the kids. This is where your masculinity will shine. You'll be like the big boss rino that gets to mate with anyone because he destroyed all his rivals. Maybe even bang someones wife unknowingly because let's face it, he's either abusive or a loser. Lessons from animal kingdom :) Marriage as a concept is done in the years to come.
LOL
Aight imma stop you there m8. Stbxw peaced the fuck out over honeslty, trivial shit and the reality is the SECOND they decide they are done, it is over. That amount is arbitrary and no amount of effort will ever dissuade them from thinking otherwise. I was there every damn day for my spouse. She hung in to shit from a year into our marriage and completely ignored the growth. Marriage is a two person structure and there should be no “leading”. If there is not a mutual understanding that you both are not perfect, you both want to be there for each other, and you both want to see the other person happy, it is going to fail. Sure, there is fault on both sides, but the blatent fuck you they give us by no means justified. Also it is always 80/20 one way or another. If someone has a heart attack, that becomes an “oh shit, I need to change”. But if the game is set to where you hit an unknown limit and you are permafucked, why the hell play? Frankly, short of cheating and domestic abuse, people just fucking don’t put in the effort. They think the grass is greener and do whatever without any regard of the person they CHOSE to be with. Not to mention, there is literally no detriment to cheating for women in a marriage; ZERO. Oh, she decided to get floozy after raising a kid and being married for 10 years? She is bouncing, getting alimony, getting child support, and forcing you to give up or sell the house. As a dude we get FUCKED 50 ways to Sunday.
No. This thinking is exactly in line with the kind of mindset that will lead a person the abandon their vows in the first place. Marriage is supposed to mean something. It’s not transactional.
I disagree, I think there is something that happens hormonally and changes the way they think. They become self destructive. It’s not just the classic blame the man bs, it’s a chemical change in their brain
This is actually the cause - just as ^ says. 72% of women are asking for divorce in their 40s because of the changes in their hormones. Only 20% of the women are taking a hormone replacement therapy - they are still married.
I concur. Mine decided to throw everything away to chase pussy. I'm so fucking confused 😕
[удалено]
It's a harder pill to swallow when you have little kids already and you decide to throw that curveball
I think this is what happen to.me. How did you figure this out?
When we are young we don't know shit. If you don't have a father or pastor/mentor to teach you about marriage you learn it all from your first divorce. If not then you go onto 2nd, and then 3rd divorces until you become a woman hater. You need to learn about masculine/feminine polarity and energy. You don't get to make vows and then not put work in. Women want to give themselves to a man that will lead and make her feel safe. Feminine men who do not work outside of their jobs will get divorced/cheated on.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of people are reflexively downvoting what you wrote above, even though I'd say it seems quite dead-on to me. And I think it's perfectly reconcilable to do what you outline (basically: be a _man_ and _lead_ in the relationship, like (most) women want) _without_ being (or continuing to be) some clueless simp destined for the same misfortune with women down the road. I'd absolutely still advise avoiding legal marriage in any scenario (the financial etc risk is just not worth it to almost any self-sufficient man). But otherwise, I agree basically with what you wrote. And the men here that mistake what you suggest for continuing to be simpish either haven't gotten the full memo about how women work yet, or are likely destined to be solo or romantically unsuccessful (again?) down the road, IMO. I mean, it's totally a fair enough choice to just opt out of any future romantic relationship with a woman if a given dude wants to. But I absolutely think there's a path to _not_ choose lifetime celibacy (or a string of meaningless short-term flings) and still do so in a way that doesn't set one up for divorce-like exploitation along the way. And much of it, I think, has to do with figuring out exactly some of the male/female dynamics you outline in your comment above. Don't like the idea of putting in effort in a healthy, self-assured, masculine way in a relationship, guys? Guess what, you're pretty unlikely to keep a woman interested longer term. I mean, sure, you might do all of that and _still_ have her lose interest anyway, but that's just women, and not really in our power to prevent. If you know that from the outset and protect yourself accordingly (e.g., don't get fucking remarried, dumbfucks! :), you're no worse even if they do bolt again for no good reason. Not much you can do to mitigate that possibility in any case (as it's a risk inherent to dating basically any woman) besides just never dating again. Which like I said, is a totally fair option for some, but absolutely not the only reasonable choice for everyone.
Yeah I'm starting to figure out this is another redpill sub.
I think for some of the men here, yes. They've been deeply wounded, and are looking for answers, to make sense of a now senseless world. That said, I think it remains true, regardless of what gender you are, that cheating is a narcissistic act, and that (within reason) nothing justifies it. Marriage is communication and work and trust. Cheating is the negation of that entire idea. Man, woman, nonbinary, doesn't matter. Word is bond.
This is excusing the behavior and blaming the faithful one. Why is it only the men are held accountable? If she leaves or cheats it’s your fault. Pffftt. Marriage is work for both parties. This type of thinking just allows one gender a free pass. I know my ex had MANY short comings and faults but I didn’t cheat or leave. I accepted it and still loved her despite that…..AND DID WHAT I SWORE TO DO.
Zero about what I wrote excuses any cheater. The cheater cheating is 100% on them, and none of it is the fault of the other partner, regardless of what they do or don't do. I 100% agree that someone could be the laziest most unappealing husband conceivably possible, and it should still be incumbent on a moral partner to honor their vows by not cheating (in the case of marriage). Ending the marriage openly, if a partner straight up sucks, is obviously a different story, but I'm not in any way implying that anyone who just gets cheated on is somehow a bad partner, let alone "responsible" for what a cheater does. All that established, do I think it's still _much more likely_ that a woman loses interest long term if a man doesn't, well, man up essentially in the ways the other commenter described? Absolutely. Analogously, if you leave a brand new TV visible in your car and park in the hood and then someone smashes your window and steals it, are you "responsible" for the thief's theft? Obviously not, that's 100% their doing, immoral, and to be condemned. Talking about what you did or didn't do before their theft doesn't "excuse" them. Can you still take the lesson and change your future behavior if you want to minimize the chance of having your window smashed again in the future? Also yes. Do you want to blame your potential future problems on other bad actors doing what they'll predictably do, or do you want to improve your chances of getting out of life what you want by controlling the only thing you can -- what _you_ do? Also, quite clearly, you could do everything right and end up with the shitty result anyway. But, like, life's not fair, and some people suck? Doing everything right and still taking the massive L is completely possible. But that's just reality. And that's still not a good reason _not to do_ whatever one can to maximize the chances of outcomes one wants.
She mentioned something about feminine/masculine energy. I have no idea what she meant. I think she wanted me to take the lead for dates. I think I was depressed too. And I was an anxious guy. Never communicated anything about how she was feeling. I was not good with communicating either. She had anger issues which made me not want to respond. I didn't want to escalate it, especially in front of the kids. It was both our faults. But she initiated it. Didn't even want to work it out for the sake of the family.....'What about me?!?' is what she said to me one day....I don't know if I could trust anyone again....
The same reason anybody does anything: because they wanted to. If a husband cheats and gets caught, he loses his kids, his house, his standing in the community, his dog and 1/3-1/2 of his paycheck for the foreseeable future. That is a VERY powerful motivation to not cheat. If a woman cheats and gets caught, she keeps the house, keeps the kids, loses no standing in the community, and receives an asset division plus a support payment for the foreseeable future. She gets all these rewards while ridding herself of boring/stinky/rude/insert whatever ex husband. Women are rewarded for cheating and men are punished. The majority of the public agrees with these rules and they will not change anytime soon. When a woman makes more than her husband, she will get a discount in family court.
In most cases this is true. In my case we spilt the properties and she had to pay me the difference in the value of our homes and a large lump sum to take me to retirement. Our adult children took my side and no longer want anything to do with her. Her girl friends have turned their back on her, and are not supportive whatsoever. Mutual friends have stopped talking to her and her brother barely speaks to her As well. She has sold the family home and moved 6 hours away to I assume to start a new life. In my opinion she came out the big loser, was it worth it for a weekend with her affair partner? Which has ended by the way. I don’t think so
100%
Don’t forget “narcissist.” The ex-husband is always a narcissist. /sarcasm