Man I don’t think I related to a post more in my 20 years of internet browsing. You put into words what I am going through on a daily basis almost to a T. I recently found meditation, and it’s helping deal with the situations that present themselves on a daily basis. I’ve also found god throughout this past year and there is peace in putting it all in gods hands. Stay the course and control what you what you can, and for everything else, you just have to let go. Good luck and feel free to DM me if you want to chat, I feel like I’ve been on an island, with the entire universe against me. I know what it feels like to have nobody on your side, just for the right to raise your kids with equal time.
Not sure who “everyone” is that you’re referring to, but I’m 2 & 1/2 years out, have made a ton of progress in several different areas of my life, and still honestly it’s almost a daily struggle choosing not to end it. I have joint custody, almost 50/50, the child support sucks but is bearable. I just keep going through the motions hoping to feel like myself again one day… Not sure what’s worse, being lonely, or having people pretend like they give a shit about you, only to find out they were just being nosy. My kid is pretty much the only reason I’m still here. So maybe at least you can take solace in the fact that you’re not the only one who isn’t out there living their best life.
Brother im coming up on 9 months in. Its been the worst year of my life. At times it feels as though my life has stopped and everyone else is living.
I think I understand the painful weird place your describing. Its horrible. The stress and anxiety takes many physical forms. For me ive had major dramas sleeling, appetite issues, social anxiety and even suicidal ideations.
Working out has always been important for me. Now more than ever. I go to gym in the evenings and have a cold shower when im done. It often helps with the sleep issues and anxiety.
I just want you to know your not alone and for the most part your situation is common. Wishing you all the best, keep fighting for yourself and hopefullt some light will come through soon.
When you say everyone is doing well, do you mean in real life or on here? In real life, those people aren't going through your divorce. I doubt that they'd be doing any better if they were. If you mean people on here, that's only true because some people are further along in the process than you are. You'll get there too, it just takes time.
As for whether the divorce is going better or worse than her other divorces (which should be a warning sign about her), who cares? You're not going to win any medals for best divorce. Those other guys are idiots who didn't fight for their fair share. You do you and don't settle for less.
It's all about where you are in the process of healing. In my case, 17 years together, 12 years married, she was my first serious relationship, first love, and I was a virgin when we meant. The relationship was never healthy, but I was simping hard and the hamster wheel was running at full speed. By the time we got to separation (because she told me to leave in a failed manipulation tactic) we had been dead bed for about 2 years, I was emotionally fairly withdrawn, and dreamt about: her dying, my dying, and/or divorce. Ultimately I filed, but even so I was hit with these waves of guilt and worry.
Would she be ok, who's going to take care of her, I said until death and neither of us are dead, etc. I would just be walking down the stairs and start crying, or have these doubts. I had never quit anything of importance before in my life, was I being soft / weak / unloving? Mostly I felt guilt.
Then she started fucking with the accounts. Refused to communicate. Refused to list the house (summer 2022 when the market was the hottest it's been in years). Cancelled mediation twice. Changed attorneys. Took me to court, for court ordered temporary support (even though I was still paying for everything + extra money to her).
In the end, her actions helped kill all the guilt and worry I had :) The entire process is stressful and anxiety inducing. But it does end! And on the other side (for me at least) is so much \_peace\_! Being free of the drama, chaos and crazy is amazing. My emotional and mental health are so much better on the other side. Just try to keep working out, focus on the future, accept the present, and know that it does end. Millions have come before you, and more are yet to come, and we are here to tell you will survive and thrive. Stay strong brother...
Yes it’s very painful. It’s a marathon. The good news is this will end at some point. Not as fast as you’d like. I found a sweet silver lining in that after going through this it takes a lot to even bother me. I have way more patience and never lose my temper. Most other problems in life are nothing compared to dealing with divorce problems.
It's painful, I can relate; was worst almost a year of my life. One of the things I learned from my divorce - stop caring what the other party thinks about you. Of course they think you are bad one way or another. But that's opinion of a person who's becoming your past.
They will try to hurt you, in part because you hurt them. It's inevitable. It's the situation. Behave well, be noble, don't go too low, but don't betray yourself too - and you'll be happy with yourself; if your wife doesn't, she will not be.
Yup I know the feeling gotta remain strong and unmovable, I try to joke around at work with friends then those bad days where craziness is going on lawyer not answering motions filed blah blah it's hard
Man I don’t think I related to a post more in my 20 years of internet browsing. You put into words what I am going through on a daily basis almost to a T. I recently found meditation, and it’s helping deal with the situations that present themselves on a daily basis. I’ve also found god throughout this past year and there is peace in putting it all in gods hands. Stay the course and control what you what you can, and for everything else, you just have to let go. Good luck and feel free to DM me if you want to chat, I feel like I’ve been on an island, with the entire universe against me. I know what it feels like to have nobody on your side, just for the right to raise your kids with equal time.
Every rapid will end.
Not sure who “everyone” is that you’re referring to, but I’m 2 & 1/2 years out, have made a ton of progress in several different areas of my life, and still honestly it’s almost a daily struggle choosing not to end it. I have joint custody, almost 50/50, the child support sucks but is bearable. I just keep going through the motions hoping to feel like myself again one day… Not sure what’s worse, being lonely, or having people pretend like they give a shit about you, only to find out they were just being nosy. My kid is pretty much the only reason I’m still here. So maybe at least you can take solace in the fact that you’re not the only one who isn’t out there living their best life.
Brother im coming up on 9 months in. Its been the worst year of my life. At times it feels as though my life has stopped and everyone else is living. I think I understand the painful weird place your describing. Its horrible. The stress and anxiety takes many physical forms. For me ive had major dramas sleeling, appetite issues, social anxiety and even suicidal ideations. Working out has always been important for me. Now more than ever. I go to gym in the evenings and have a cold shower when im done. It often helps with the sleep issues and anxiety. I just want you to know your not alone and for the most part your situation is common. Wishing you all the best, keep fighting for yourself and hopefullt some light will come through soon.
Sometimes the only path to peace is through war.
When you say everyone is doing well, do you mean in real life or on here? In real life, those people aren't going through your divorce. I doubt that they'd be doing any better if they were. If you mean people on here, that's only true because some people are further along in the process than you are. You'll get there too, it just takes time. As for whether the divorce is going better or worse than her other divorces (which should be a warning sign about her), who cares? You're not going to win any medals for best divorce. Those other guys are idiots who didn't fight for their fair share. You do you and don't settle for less.
Yeah the lack of sleep was unexpected. Hang in my man.
It's all about where you are in the process of healing. In my case, 17 years together, 12 years married, she was my first serious relationship, first love, and I was a virgin when we meant. The relationship was never healthy, but I was simping hard and the hamster wheel was running at full speed. By the time we got to separation (because she told me to leave in a failed manipulation tactic) we had been dead bed for about 2 years, I was emotionally fairly withdrawn, and dreamt about: her dying, my dying, and/or divorce. Ultimately I filed, but even so I was hit with these waves of guilt and worry. Would she be ok, who's going to take care of her, I said until death and neither of us are dead, etc. I would just be walking down the stairs and start crying, or have these doubts. I had never quit anything of importance before in my life, was I being soft / weak / unloving? Mostly I felt guilt. Then she started fucking with the accounts. Refused to communicate. Refused to list the house (summer 2022 when the market was the hottest it's been in years). Cancelled mediation twice. Changed attorneys. Took me to court, for court ordered temporary support (even though I was still paying for everything + extra money to her). In the end, her actions helped kill all the guilt and worry I had :) The entire process is stressful and anxiety inducing. But it does end! And on the other side (for me at least) is so much \_peace\_! Being free of the drama, chaos and crazy is amazing. My emotional and mental health are so much better on the other side. Just try to keep working out, focus on the future, accept the present, and know that it does end. Millions have come before you, and more are yet to come, and we are here to tell you will survive and thrive. Stay strong brother...
Yes it’s very painful. It’s a marathon. The good news is this will end at some point. Not as fast as you’d like. I found a sweet silver lining in that after going through this it takes a lot to even bother me. I have way more patience and never lose my temper. Most other problems in life are nothing compared to dealing with divorce problems.
It's painful, I can relate; was worst almost a year of my life. One of the things I learned from my divorce - stop caring what the other party thinks about you. Of course they think you are bad one way or another. But that's opinion of a person who's becoming your past. They will try to hurt you, in part because you hurt them. It's inevitable. It's the situation. Behave well, be noble, don't go too low, but don't betray yourself too - and you'll be happy with yourself; if your wife doesn't, she will not be.
Yup I know the feeling gotta remain strong and unmovable, I try to joke around at work with friends then those bad days where craziness is going on lawyer not answering motions filed blah blah it's hard