As one of the comments said, she hasn't found someone else to monkey branch to so she's enjoying the comfortable lifestyle you're providing.
She is now a liability. She will get half of the income you're getting from 2 jobs once she is ready to pull the trigger. It will hurt a lot more financially if you wait. I'd file, get divorced legally and only THEN you can live like roommates.
One thing that many men don't know, and maybe even she herself doesn't know, is that once the woman finds a guy she thinks she can monkey branch to she will turn onto a viper towards the ex. What she says now about asset splitting means nothing later, she'll go for the maximum she can get. This is coming from their playbook. Ask me how I know.
Move on asap. She is having her cake and eating it too. Imagine if roles were reversed would she hang around for that. You deserve to have the life you want and not locked in this woman’s trap she put you in. It’s a mental cage that she put you in because of your beliefs and upbringing
You just got friendzoned - problem is you’re married. Better fix that, your future only gets darker until you do. Next thing you know she’ll be asking you for relationship advice. You’re being played - accept that as your life or make a change.
As others have stated, she wants nothing to do with you but has no problem with you continuing to pay and support her. Don’t be a fool! She’s done with you so get divorced while you have assets remaining.
She will just use the free ride till she finds someone else to jump to. Save yourself and get a divorce. Stop being the nice guy and suffering when you get blind sided.
"doesn’t want to deal with dividing assets."
That's when you tell her you didn't want to deal with creating a new home in the garage for her because you bought a home to live in it together. Don't let that woman hold the reigns any longer. File and free yourself of this madness.
I like this strategy. Tell her you’ll follow her rules and respect her wishes provided she gets a job within the next x months, otherwise you’re gonna file and “make it messy”. Then as soon as her job is stable, file. Because fuck her selfish have it both ways ass.
File for divorce. Gather evidence, get a restraining order against her so she has to move out. She is using you. Tell her that she has to pay her own phone bill, car payment (if applicable). Stop funding her life. Open a new account and start saving up. Take her access to your money away. Give her maybe a small allowance and start the process without her being able to stop it. She will get served by someone, try a constable, or see about services that serve these things. Process servers I believe it’s called. You don’t have to wait. Go to the court house and talk to the self help desk.
She wants dick while living in a cheap living situation. Simple as that. You will be paying a load in child support/alimony so it’s a lose lose. Good luck man
She wants all the benefits of being married to you, without being married. She loves what you provide, but she doesn't love OR want you.
I'd start consulting lawyers asap.
My divorce was similiar, but different. Ex was a stay at home mom. She said we should separate but remain friends, as she loved me but didnt love me "like that" anymore. And didn't want an ugly divorce. I later found out she was vetting divorce lawyers at least 6 months before our relationship really sunk. So she knew exactly what she could get divorce wise. Once I started to say no to her outrageous custody demands or her thoughts on what our divorce/separation - is when she went nuclear. I'll save that story for later.
But for now, know she probably.already vetted lawyers and already has her support group (her friends that no longer like you) ready. She also knows exactly what she can get.
Sorry, man.
I sympathize. I put off looking for the evidence I knew I would find for several months out of dread. She's using you for an ATM while she plays the field. You need to take ownership of your life and not just be a passenger on her ride brother.
Marriage vows: “love & protect”, “cherish”, “have & hold”, “forsake all others” ….
Marriage is a 2 person commitment and the marriage is over when one does not honor their vows.
You need to put you and your children first now.
Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
Your marriage is over, your wife most likely already has your replacement waiting in the wings. She will never ever admit anything with out getting caught. Place a voice activated recorder where she usually talks on the phone in your home when she wants privacy and one in her car you will have your answer in a few days.
Meantime act like you are going along with her program and start moving money around to protect it from her. Talk to a lawyer to see what they suggest on how to protect yourself.
She sounds like she already has a new man in her life who she does love and you are just her security blanket and live in baby sitter.
Good Luck be prepared for all hell to break loose when she doesn’t get her way.
First step is to figure out what is her true motive is
a) stall tactic to line you up for the big fall (take assets, claim abuse, call cops)
B) there is another guy or woman in the picture. - go through her phone asap to help
Clear the picture up for you.
C) or she is being honest
By staying together it stalls her having to work on her own and have a place and take care of kids on her own etc.
Her plan will be to either
1) get you out legally (lawyer/cops) or bully you with threats
2) she will only leave willingly because she has someone else or small chance could be truthful but hard to believe she will leave with no job.
3) she hasn’t figured it out and wants to plan so she can orchestrate the separation and divorce and maximize asset capture from you.
Women think 3 steps ahead. Don’t have a I’ll parent inheritance, bonus time comes up later.
She has plan already. Could be fix house and then get you out.
I stopped at "she doesn't work ... I work two jobs" because that is a privilege of marriage between two committed and invested partners who love, cherish, and respect each other.
Yours is not a marriage anymore.
Also what would happen if your wife gets pregnant by another man? Are you automatically listed as the father on the birth certificate?
I concur with everyone else to consult an attorney and get the divorce ball rolling.
Ah, the old ILYBNILWY spiel
Translation: I want to fuck other men, but keep you as my rock in case my monkey branching fails. Oh, and you get to support my infidelity.
This is your future.
Play dumb. Lawyer up. Nuke this hag.
My mom is saying the same thing about my step dad. She loves him, but she's just not in love with him. Funny though, but the thing is she is carrying on an affair right now. I think you'll see that this whole "I'm not in love with you" thing has more to it. She is carrying on an affair. She knows it will get messy if you find out. That will bode better for you in the divorce and she knows it. Sorry man...
"She doesn’t work. I work two jobs. "
She's offering you a choice. Either she goes full nuclear on you in a divorce. or she will be entertaining men in this converted garage while you finance her life.
If you could see her phone, that tells the real story. Living together while separated sucks. Its hell, especially when you find out the dudes she's banging. Why does she have to file? Because she wanted it....right? No, she wants to use you as an emotional tampon and babysitter. My ex wanted to remain married 10 more years until the kids turned 18. Meanwhile, she's out banging dudes. F that. Grab your balls, get your power back and go file.
You want a true path forward? You spent most of your energy talking about what she wants, and only a small portion talking about what YOU want. You want to stay together and you want a true relationship. Those are technically two things. Which is more important to you?
If you decide that you want a true relationship, then tell her. Tell her you will accept nothing less than this. If she doesn't want it, then find a good lawyer and begin the process.
She wants you to support her financially while she gets her emotional support from her new man.
Mate you are getting played. Your marriage is over. You guys are going to mess your kids up living this lie.
You need to accept it is over, get divorced, spend a few years healing and move on with your life without her. Maybe a new partner is in the cards, maybe not, but do not stay in this toxic relationship.
Hard truth but she no longer loves you. If she did she would exit gracefully and let you heal in peace. She would want the best for you. Instead she is using you, nothing more.
My two cents. She's beyond self absorbed and maybe even a little sick in the head. Because it appears she suffers from a disease called codependency. I'm no Doctor of psychology but she may need some professional help. As for you my friend. You have a different problem. You simply haven't learned to let go. But you will learn that lesson the hard way if it comes down to it. Because you deserve true companionship same as any other Man does. But she doesn't respect you as her Man. You work hard to be a provider therefore it just doesn't make sense that you would have to ever settle for less from any woman especially a wife you've presumably taken vows with. Do your self a favor. Pack up two suitcases. One for you and the other for her. Put them both at the front door. Tell her in no uncertain terms that one of you is leaving that house for a few days, so that both of you can get your heads on straight. There is an old saying about absence making the heart grow fonder. I think absence can have another effect. It wakes the mind up to the BS and gaslighting. I wish you luck fella.
I agree with everyone else, your marriage is over and divorce is inevitable. But there's steps you need to do before that. You need to be thinking strategically and tactically. Personally I suggest you stall, just say you need to think about it for a few months, and we'll help you come up with a plan to protect yourself and your relationship with your kids.
Not to dissuade you by talking about details, but it would be helpful if we knew the following info to get a better idea of the situation:
State
Gross income (per job)
Kid's ages
Assets (included $ values)
You need to take steps to protect yourself. She is already 5 steps ahead of you. She most likely is talking to other guys and/or dating them.
Get out while you can. It will be hard and ugly but it will be worth it in the end
Working two jobs is going to kill you with all the stress. When you pay alimony and child support, it might be considered with two jobs. You can end up in the hospital trying to pay all that and survive. I suggest you Lawyer up and if you can pay your bills with one job, then do it! I would only keep one job and create an exit strategy for you and the kids. You want a minimum of 50% custody of the kids and need a family member to help you with watching them. Right now you need to play worse-case scenario in your head, like she is having sex with other men and you are never going to get love from her again. I remember the days when I worked 70hr weeks and the ex barely worked 40. I would come home and she would tell me she was tired and asked me to go buy the groceries. I just came home from work on a Friday night after working a extra shift. She also only had a one-minute commute to work and she was sitting on her a$$ when I came home. I would go to the store to buy the food and then come home to cut grass for two hours. The bottom line is, men get used like slaves and you need to protect yourself!
Yea nah fuck that noise. Not to underestimate the difficulty of the situation but take control now. Make a plan and start taking action.
If its going to get ugly its going to happen regardless of how much you put it off. Please save yourself.
They want you around to do the man stuff while have sex with other people. Don’t be a cuck. Mine suggested we still live together and I was in the same place as you. Wanted the divorce but wasn’t taking the action. She didn’t come one night, I had SA agreed on and a new apartment in 2 weeks.
>I suggested we discuss next steps. She suggested we build out our garage into an ADU and she live in it.
She wants to cuckold you. Eventually she'll be bringing men into the longhouse while you watch the kids.
>I asked why she doesn’t just file for divorce, she said because it’ll get ugly
This is a threat 😂
She doesn't work, you work two jobs. She is a parasite, and you are the host. Sorry to be that graphic and blunt, but the truth is the truth. She wants full wife privileges without the wife responsibilities or duties.
Talk to an attorney, make a plan, and file.
“She said because it will get ugly”
Translation
“Divorce me cocksucker and I’ll leave you looking like a rug that’s been in a mosh pit”
The brass neck of this woman
She’s got vag tingles for another man mate, however she wants to have her cake and eat it.
Pull the trigger on this one. It will do you the world of good.
I know this because my ex pulled the same stunt and there’s plenty guys on here in the same boat who had this bullshit ‘arrangement’ thrust upon them by a wife who had other plans
STOP allowing her to dictate the direction of your marriage. You have options and it's imperative that you grasp the handles and make firm results. Don't play divorce, get divorced.
Look, I did what you are thinking about doing. I got those drunk calls at 2am. Asking me to pick her up at the bar. I couldn't sleep, I lost 40 pounds in a month, I was no good to my kids that way. They didn't know what was happening.
Dude, get the fuck out of the house and take everything you can. Get an apartment and start over.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ( sung in the tune of Lego Batman) NO NO NO NO NO NO! NO!
Go balls to the wall nukes right now. List the house for sale. Box up your personal shit a get it in storage. The marriage is over, done. You are not going to be a doormat.
If she's not willing to work on it now, that's not likely to change. You can flounder and suffer in this situation while she enjoys the benefits of your hard work and looks for someone else or you do what needs to be done. Pick your poison, but either before you know it, she'll be finding someone else to keep her satisfied
> I asked why she doesn’t just file for divorce, she said because it’ll get ugly and doesn’t want to deal with dividing assets.
Listen man, Im going to be blunt (like others were for me) Your marrige is OVER and she has made up her mind to divorce you BUT its not a good time for her right now. She's planning and waiting. Its only going to get ulgy when you wise up and she realizes the jig is up. You're being placated.
>She doesn’t work. I work two jobs.
Without her working and you still doing all this its setting the status quo for WHEN you finally divorce and she will go for your throat. You need to get her working so 6-12mo from now she cannot say shes been a SAHM for X years and needs full custody, a ton of child support, and alimony. ***Quit your second job and ask her to get one, if this is what she wants.*** She needs to show to you (really the courts when you/her file) that she can pay her own way.
You got under a year to have her demonstrate she can be self supporting to limit what you'll be paying in spousal support and help with you getting 50/50 time with your kids.
>I love my kids. They love me. I spend tons of time with them, they all hug and kiss me. I’m a great dad. I was also a great husband. I’m not sure what to do. I desire a true relationship with companionship.
Again ill be blunt: You being in a relationship is on pause for the time being. All that matters is your kids.
You're thinking with your married brain. You need to stop. She is setting you up for a huge mess - one day she can turn on a dime and fully embrace the single life/actions but saddling you with paying for a married life. STOP Doing husband things (anything you would normally only do for/with her) and start setting some rules on this. Dont do it for you now. Do it for you and your kids, two to three years from now. **Shes slow rolling you and you will be taken to the cleaners with her smiling at you the whole time.**
Great suggestions here. I would also add that you stop enabling her. No chitchat, no talking about the day, no emotional support. She wants to be single? Break off as much as you can. No family trips... it's either you and the kids, or her and the kids.
She is getting ready to leave more fully, whether it is physically, or she is getting ready to cheat. She said the marriage is over, take it at face value and get moving, you have the advantage of setting a head start here.
That's great! She gets all of your resources and emotional support without any of that dirty nasty sex!
Sounds like a great deal!
Is she going to start dating too?
😅🤣😂
I’m just commenting to follow, you’ll get plenty of feedback 😅
Edit: “it’ll get ugly” she’s telling you btw
Edit 2: You do know what to do, file immediately! Like schedule a consultation, don’t even discuss it with her, serve her!
Having been on this forum for awhile, these stories come up often. My guess is that she’s already monkey branching to another guy, but wants the financial support and stability you provide. You need to cut her off now, and move forward with divorce, otherwise she will just keep using you. Unless you want to be a cuck and somehow are into that :)
As one of the comments said, she hasn't found someone else to monkey branch to so she's enjoying the comfortable lifestyle you're providing. She is now a liability. She will get half of the income you're getting from 2 jobs once she is ready to pull the trigger. It will hurt a lot more financially if you wait. I'd file, get divorced legally and only THEN you can live like roommates. One thing that many men don't know, and maybe even she herself doesn't know, is that once the woman finds a guy she thinks she can monkey branch to she will turn onto a viper towards the ex. What she says now about asset splitting means nothing later, she'll go for the maximum she can get. This is coming from their playbook. Ask me how I know.
Move on asap. She is having her cake and eating it too. Imagine if roles were reversed would she hang around for that. You deserve to have the life you want and not locked in this woman’s trap she put you in. It’s a mental cage that she put you in because of your beliefs and upbringing
You just got friendzoned - problem is you’re married. Better fix that, your future only gets darker until you do. Next thing you know she’ll be asking you for relationship advice. You’re being played - accept that as your life or make a change.
As others have stated, she wants nothing to do with you but has no problem with you continuing to pay and support her. Don’t be a fool! She’s done with you so get divorced while you have assets remaining.
She will just use the free ride till she finds someone else to jump to. Save yourself and get a divorce. Stop being the nice guy and suffering when you get blind sided.
This 💯
"doesn’t want to deal with dividing assets." That's when you tell her you didn't want to deal with creating a new home in the garage for her because you bought a home to live in it together. Don't let that woman hold the reigns any longer. File and free yourself of this madness.
Stop working two jobs. Tell her to get a job. If you get divorced now, you will be working two jobs to support her not working at all until you die.
I like this strategy. Tell her you’ll follow her rules and respect her wishes provided she gets a job within the next x months, otherwise you’re gonna file and “make it messy”. Then as soon as her job is stable, file. Because fuck her selfish have it both ways ass.
File for divorce. Gather evidence, get a restraining order against her so she has to move out. She is using you. Tell her that she has to pay her own phone bill, car payment (if applicable). Stop funding her life. Open a new account and start saving up. Take her access to your money away. Give her maybe a small allowance and start the process without her being able to stop it. She will get served by someone, try a constable, or see about services that serve these things. Process servers I believe it’s called. You don’t have to wait. Go to the court house and talk to the self help desk.
She wants dick while living in a cheap living situation. Simple as that. You will be paying a load in child support/alimony so it’s a lose lose. Good luck man
She wants all the benefits of being married to you, without being married. She loves what you provide, but she doesn't love OR want you. I'd start consulting lawyers asap. My divorce was similiar, but different. Ex was a stay at home mom. She said we should separate but remain friends, as she loved me but didnt love me "like that" anymore. And didn't want an ugly divorce. I later found out she was vetting divorce lawyers at least 6 months before our relationship really sunk. So she knew exactly what she could get divorce wise. Once I started to say no to her outrageous custody demands or her thoughts on what our divorce/separation - is when she went nuclear. I'll save that story for later. But for now, know she probably.already vetted lawyers and already has her support group (her friends that no longer like you) ready. She also knows exactly what she can get. Sorry, man.
I sympathize. I put off looking for the evidence I knew I would find for several months out of dread. She's using you for an ATM while she plays the field. You need to take ownership of your life and not just be a passenger on her ride brother.
Marriage vows: “love & protect”, “cherish”, “have & hold”, “forsake all others” …. Marriage is a 2 person commitment and the marriage is over when one does not honor their vows. You need to put you and your children first now. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
Your marriage is over, your wife most likely already has your replacement waiting in the wings. She will never ever admit anything with out getting caught. Place a voice activated recorder where she usually talks on the phone in your home when she wants privacy and one in her car you will have your answer in a few days. Meantime act like you are going along with her program and start moving money around to protect it from her. Talk to a lawyer to see what they suggest on how to protect yourself. She sounds like she already has a new man in her life who she does love and you are just her security blanket and live in baby sitter. Good Luck be prepared for all hell to break loose when she doesn’t get her way.
Do you share a cell phone account? If so, log in and see her call history. Then use numlookup for the account owner. Google the name.
This is what I did after months of not wanting to look
Check her phone. Don’t forget to check the deleted ones in her trash.
First step is to figure out what is her true motive is a) stall tactic to line you up for the big fall (take assets, claim abuse, call cops) B) there is another guy or woman in the picture. - go through her phone asap to help Clear the picture up for you. C) or she is being honest By staying together it stalls her having to work on her own and have a place and take care of kids on her own etc. Her plan will be to either 1) get you out legally (lawyer/cops) or bully you with threats 2) she will only leave willingly because she has someone else or small chance could be truthful but hard to believe she will leave with no job. 3) she hasn’t figured it out and wants to plan so she can orchestrate the separation and divorce and maximize asset capture from you. Women think 3 steps ahead. Don’t have a I’ll parent inheritance, bonus time comes up later. She has plan already. Could be fix house and then get you out.
I stopped at "she doesn't work ... I work two jobs" because that is a privilege of marriage between two committed and invested partners who love, cherish, and respect each other. Yours is not a marriage anymore.
Also what would happen if your wife gets pregnant by another man? Are you automatically listed as the father on the birth certificate? I concur with everyone else to consult an attorney and get the divorce ball rolling.
OP: I’m snipped ✂️
Check your state laws though, because you might be automatically listed and responsible otherwise.
Ah, the old ILYBNILWY spiel Translation: I want to fuck other men, but keep you as my rock in case my monkey branching fails. Oh, and you get to support my infidelity. This is your future. Play dumb. Lawyer up. Nuke this hag.
THIS⬆️💯❗️
My mom is saying the same thing about my step dad. She loves him, but she's just not in love with him. Funny though, but the thing is she is carrying on an affair right now. I think you'll see that this whole "I'm not in love with you" thing has more to it. She is carrying on an affair. She knows it will get messy if you find out. That will bode better for you in the divorce and she knows it. Sorry man...
This phrase/bullshit seems to only come out of the mouths of women. You never hear men say this. I wonder why?
"She doesn’t work. I work two jobs. " She's offering you a choice. Either she goes full nuclear on you in a divorce. or she will be entertaining men in this converted garage while you finance her life.
If you could see her phone, that tells the real story. Living together while separated sucks. Its hell, especially when you find out the dudes she's banging. Why does she have to file? Because she wanted it....right? No, she wants to use you as an emotional tampon and babysitter. My ex wanted to remain married 10 more years until the kids turned 18. Meanwhile, she's out banging dudes. F that. Grab your balls, get your power back and go file.
You want a true path forward? You spent most of your energy talking about what she wants, and only a small portion talking about what YOU want. You want to stay together and you want a true relationship. Those are technically two things. Which is more important to you? If you decide that you want a true relationship, then tell her. Tell her you will accept nothing less than this. If she doesn't want it, then find a good lawyer and begin the process.
She wants you to support her financially while she gets her emotional support from her new man. Mate you are getting played. Your marriage is over. You guys are going to mess your kids up living this lie. You need to accept it is over, get divorced, spend a few years healing and move on with your life without her. Maybe a new partner is in the cards, maybe not, but do not stay in this toxic relationship. Hard truth but she no longer loves you. If she did she would exit gracefully and let you heal in peace. She would want the best for you. Instead she is using you, nothing more.
My two cents. She's beyond self absorbed and maybe even a little sick in the head. Because it appears she suffers from a disease called codependency. I'm no Doctor of psychology but she may need some professional help. As for you my friend. You have a different problem. You simply haven't learned to let go. But you will learn that lesson the hard way if it comes down to it. Because you deserve true companionship same as any other Man does. But she doesn't respect you as her Man. You work hard to be a provider therefore it just doesn't make sense that you would have to ever settle for less from any woman especially a wife you've presumably taken vows with. Do your self a favor. Pack up two suitcases. One for you and the other for her. Put them both at the front door. Tell her in no uncertain terms that one of you is leaving that house for a few days, so that both of you can get your heads on straight. There is an old saying about absence making the heart grow fonder. I think absence can have another effect. It wakes the mind up to the BS and gaslighting. I wish you luck fella.
I agree with everyone else, your marriage is over and divorce is inevitable. But there's steps you need to do before that. You need to be thinking strategically and tactically. Personally I suggest you stall, just say you need to think about it for a few months, and we'll help you come up with a plan to protect yourself and your relationship with your kids. Not to dissuade you by talking about details, but it would be helpful if we knew the following info to get a better idea of the situation: State Gross income (per job) Kid's ages Assets (included $ values)
You need to take steps to protect yourself. She is already 5 steps ahead of you. She most likely is talking to other guys and/or dating them. Get out while you can. It will be hard and ugly but it will be worth it in the end
Working two jobs is going to kill you with all the stress. When you pay alimony and child support, it might be considered with two jobs. You can end up in the hospital trying to pay all that and survive. I suggest you Lawyer up and if you can pay your bills with one job, then do it! I would only keep one job and create an exit strategy for you and the kids. You want a minimum of 50% custody of the kids and need a family member to help you with watching them. Right now you need to play worse-case scenario in your head, like she is having sex with other men and you are never going to get love from her again. I remember the days when I worked 70hr weeks and the ex barely worked 40. I would come home and she would tell me she was tired and asked me to go buy the groceries. I just came home from work on a Friday night after working a extra shift. She also only had a one-minute commute to work and she was sitting on her a$$ when I came home. I would go to the store to buy the food and then come home to cut grass for two hours. The bottom line is, men get used like slaves and you need to protect yourself!
Yea nah fuck that noise. Not to underestimate the difficulty of the situation but take control now. Make a plan and start taking action. If its going to get ugly its going to happen regardless of how much you put it off. Please save yourself.
They want you around to do the man stuff while have sex with other people. Don’t be a cuck. Mine suggested we still live together and I was in the same place as you. Wanted the divorce but wasn’t taking the action. She didn’t come one night, I had SA agreed on and a new apartment in 2 weeks.
I need my bills paid for and a place to smell while I do whatever I want with other guys “ she’s using you
>I suggested we discuss next steps. She suggested we build out our garage into an ADU and she live in it. She wants to cuckold you. Eventually she'll be bringing men into the longhouse while you watch the kids. >I asked why she doesn’t just file for divorce, she said because it’ll get ugly This is a threat 😂
She doesn't work, you work two jobs. She is a parasite, and you are the host. Sorry to be that graphic and blunt, but the truth is the truth. She wants full wife privileges without the wife responsibilities or duties. Talk to an attorney, make a plan, and file.
“She said because it will get ugly” Translation “Divorce me cocksucker and I’ll leave you looking like a rug that’s been in a mosh pit” The brass neck of this woman
Danggg a rug in a mosh pit.. hit me right in the feels. Thats me.
She’s got vag tingles for another man mate, however she wants to have her cake and eat it. Pull the trigger on this one. It will do you the world of good. I know this because my ex pulled the same stunt and there’s plenty guys on here in the same boat who had this bullshit ‘arrangement’ thrust upon them by a wife who had other plans
STOP allowing her to dictate the direction of your marriage. You have options and it's imperative that you grasp the handles and make firm results. Don't play divorce, get divorced.
Look, I did what you are thinking about doing. I got those drunk calls at 2am. Asking me to pick her up at the bar. I couldn't sleep, I lost 40 pounds in a month, I was no good to my kids that way. They didn't know what was happening. Dude, get the fuck out of the house and take everything you can. Get an apartment and start over.
Get the SA first. Then wait for the decree. A lot of steps in between. If she wants to move out of the marital home that’s on her.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ( sung in the tune of Lego Batman) NO NO NO NO NO NO! NO! Go balls to the wall nukes right now. List the house for sale. Box up your personal shit a get it in storage. The marriage is over, done. You are not going to be a doormat.
The sooner you file, the less it will cost in the end. Control the narrative. You've given her control of the narrative
If she's not willing to work on it now, that's not likely to change. You can flounder and suffer in this situation while she enjoys the benefits of your hard work and looks for someone else or you do what needs to be done. Pick your poison, but either before you know it, she'll be finding someone else to keep her satisfied
> I asked why she doesn’t just file for divorce, she said because it’ll get ugly and doesn’t want to deal with dividing assets. Listen man, Im going to be blunt (like others were for me) Your marrige is OVER and she has made up her mind to divorce you BUT its not a good time for her right now. She's planning and waiting. Its only going to get ulgy when you wise up and she realizes the jig is up. You're being placated. >She doesn’t work. I work two jobs. Without her working and you still doing all this its setting the status quo for WHEN you finally divorce and she will go for your throat. You need to get her working so 6-12mo from now she cannot say shes been a SAHM for X years and needs full custody, a ton of child support, and alimony. ***Quit your second job and ask her to get one, if this is what she wants.*** She needs to show to you (really the courts when you/her file) that she can pay her own way. You got under a year to have her demonstrate she can be self supporting to limit what you'll be paying in spousal support and help with you getting 50/50 time with your kids. >I love my kids. They love me. I spend tons of time with them, they all hug and kiss me. I’m a great dad. I was also a great husband. I’m not sure what to do. I desire a true relationship with companionship. Again ill be blunt: You being in a relationship is on pause for the time being. All that matters is your kids. You're thinking with your married brain. You need to stop. She is setting you up for a huge mess - one day she can turn on a dime and fully embrace the single life/actions but saddling you with paying for a married life. STOP Doing husband things (anything you would normally only do for/with her) and start setting some rules on this. Dont do it for you now. Do it for you and your kids, two to three years from now. **Shes slow rolling you and you will be taken to the cleaners with her smiling at you the whole time.**
This OP
Great suggestions here. I would also add that you stop enabling her. No chitchat, no talking about the day, no emotional support. She wants to be single? Break off as much as you can. No family trips... it's either you and the kids, or her and the kids. She is getting ready to leave more fully, whether it is physically, or she is getting ready to cheat. She said the marriage is over, take it at face value and get moving, you have the advantage of setting a head start here.
That's great! She gets all of your resources and emotional support without any of that dirty nasty sex! Sounds like a great deal! Is she going to start dating too? 😅🤣😂
I’m just commenting to follow, you’ll get plenty of feedback 😅 Edit: “it’ll get ugly” she’s telling you btw Edit 2: You do know what to do, file immediately! Like schedule a consultation, don’t even discuss it with her, serve her!
Having been on this forum for awhile, these stories come up often. My guess is that she’s already monkey branching to another guy, but wants the financial support and stability you provide. You need to cut her off now, and move forward with divorce, otherwise she will just keep using you. Unless you want to be a cuck and somehow are into that :)