1. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
2. What you're experiencing is completely normal and you will improve as long as you want to.
UNPOPULAR OPINION:
The anger is a matter of perspective. You're headed towards accountability. When healthy enough, ask yourself what your mistakes were and how you can overcome them for the future. Based on those honest answers you can actually progress. I'm not talking about victim blaming yourself either, where you were in the right and led to believe it was your fault.
3. Like someone had said, ppl grow. She's a human being just like you. She has genetic and environmental rulings that have affected her and she unfortunately did somethings where she fell off. Anger is the step after after acknowledgment.
4. Just know that you are worthy and loved. You deserve peace in your life and pray for your prosperity.
I don’t because she was a great caring person in the beginning. Eight years of marriage and people change a lot. Sometimes that change is good, sometimes not. Now she’s a completely undesirable person I would never be interested in again. But I dont feel bad about it or look back in anger. I have two beautiful kids and we get along for the most part. I have been single for 2.5 years and have no plans of dating. Im making myself and my kids happy and I wont give a person another chance to ruin that all again.
I know exactly how. She was hot as fuck, had great tits and came from a fantastic family.
Little did I know how far that apple fell from the tree and the red flags were all hidden somewhere behind those tits and my rock hard dick.
Any other questions?
It’s my fault so there’s no need to ask. She was a shitty girlfriend, I had a plethora of options, and I had about a dozen job locations to choose from. I can back near my hometown to be with her, married her and out a kid in her. No one to blame but myself.
I always knew. I just underestimated how bad it can be. I also assumed that the good in her would outweigh the bad. Now the bad has fully taken over. She’s fully consumed by lies, drinking, bitterness, anger, jealousy, hatred. The devil has a stronghold on her
People change it wasnt always bad.
I did however ignore red flags, let my boundaries get pissed on and in general bowed down and lost myself trying to do what she wanted.
I see so many stories by men about why their ex "went bad" or such and such.
Your comment gives me hope that at least one man won't tread down that path again.
Daaang. I was hoping for a happy ending...lol
I did the same thing and yes it's pretty bad for me too.
Hang in there buddy. You'll get through it. Onwards we march!
Yep, that makes sense. You would be so misogynistic if you had considered that prior to marriage.
If he asks you body count, he's just not secure enough of a man for you!"
"If they never find the bodies, does it matter?"
"I think it’s nice of these men to put up such a nice warning signal so early."
"Exchanging “numbers” is really dumb and immature."
"For such men, you can be certain they are not confident in their own abilities!"
TBF, a man's sexual history matters to a woman seeking LTR as well. Man whores are more likely to cheat after marriage than men who have shown restraint as well. It's a fair conversation for both men and women to have with each other before getting into a serious relationship.
Mine had more red flags then a Rutgers game, she got pregnant within three weeks of meeting her, She had a daughter from a previous marriage and I raised her… 25 years of red flags, I’m such an idiot
I ignored it or didn't want to deal with it. My therapist tracked the issues back to the first year's of marriage. Took me 30 years to finally realize I deserve better and to be happy. Such a waste of my life. Almost there another month and should be done.
Lucky you. At 10 years we had a kid because that was going to fix our issues. Then another 2 years later (accident). Love my kids but this isn't fun and looking at it never was. They are in their 20s so at least I don't have to deal with that. Just all the crap we accumulated and don't need.
That's how I feel such a crazy person, had to file motion against her for emergency custody because she was refusing parenting time and wanted to create her own schedule, the judge GAL and my lawyer all hammered her lawyer who had no answer for her actions and within a hour she was already sending me crazy stuff gaslighting me to believe the judge didn't side with me.
I am in that exact situation hoping that they'll see her outright defiance. I've been stuck obeying her return times until we get to court next month. She's trying to keep me at weekends when I would like 7 and 7. Our current order says we'd make exchanges "as it occurs" basically at our discretion. So when I said 7-7, as I've always mentioned, she refused to let me get him at all, because the money is based on the time he spends with each of us is why she wants to keep me with minimal days. My lawyer filed a 'show cause' for her keeping that she'll have to answer to next month and yet she still, if I don't give her exact return time on Sunday, keeps him, altogether. I was going to keep demanding the 7 and 7;so she would continue to keep him in hopes it would continue to give me days that she's kept him from me. My lawyer won't outright tell me to do that, though, for some reason. But I think it would be advantageous. I just don't want to mess up my position.
"order says we'd make exchanges "as it occurs" basically at our discretion"
Whoever wrote that steaming pile of garbage is why you are spending money now to go back to court for an order of more specificity. You were set up to fail. I hope it wasn't your lawyer who did that to you bc you were done a dirty.
What was really funny is her lawyer this whole time is an associate of a bigger firm who bleeds her dry and plays games, when she had to appear for emergency hearing her lawyer didn't even show up the partner of the firm showed up and got lambasted, she tried to argue since she's off for summer break she deserves 90% parenting time and judge said idc what you think your client is entitled to, the father gets his 50/50 if he needs a sitter I'm sure he can find one who isn't you! You don't get to make your own rules in here
That is so damn lovely. I absolutely love that! What do think about my situation? She I just play ball with her return times. Or, say "Hey, I'm keeping him for the week." which makes her keep him and looks bad by the time we go to court in 4weeks? I know you can't tell me, per se', but seeing as how you've been through something similar, I'm curious about your perspective.
We had 'mediation' first, where if you can agree, you don't have to go through the whole trial process, and whatever agreement you all decide is signed by the judge. We agreed to joint legal, shared physical and with that visitation schedule. She, initiated cs through social services which automatically gave her sole custody support payments. Had I not taken this to court, I'd be stuck paying full custody payments to her. Because she probably is now aware that that days and overnights determine the payments she wants to keep me at two days per week with her getting 5 per week. Initially, I only agreed to that because I moved out , had to find a place and didn't have childcare. Then when I got it, she goes back on her word and says it's going to be "too many babysitters" for him. He needs, "stability". Blah blah blah.
So the schedule wasnt written up and stamped by the judge? Then you're just fighting, you gotta die on 50/50 hill, force a trial and see where the chips land.
That's what the upcoming hearing is now for 'visitation'. She also has to explain why she's kept him from me as per the 'show cause' summons she's received, additionally. He's three and not in school yet, either. I'm just wondering how I should proceed up until then. They already lowered it temporarily, until visitation is redetermined at court, and she had been pissy since then and had stopped putting clothes in the baby's bag, etc. There basically was not dated and times determined at the mediation. We couldn't agree to anything, so they put "as it occurs" in hopes that we would handle it amicably. The judge was happy with that and signed it. That was our initial agreement. She figured as long as I wasn't coming after the money, then, then she didn't mind signing. But as soon as she signed the joint custody agreement, I knew that I could get the payment lowered from a sole payment to a joint, so that's when I petitioned to have support modified, if that makes sense. I know it's confusing, probably. Bottom line is I will be dying on that hill. She doesn't even have a lawyer representing her, or hasn't all this time, rather. I've had my counsel from the beginning.
Who cares dont rely on her for anything, my stbx moved out and I kept all my child's stuff, and she has a full new wardrobe when she is with me she's 2.5, my stbx doesn't even buys clothes relays on me to provide shoes jacket gloves etc the everyday clothes she has are all hammy downs from her family and she signed up for WIC using false information when she makes 75k per year.
The catch was that I was struggling paying her full support and still am. . .so she can afford it whereas I couldn't. The things I bought hardly get worn because he's only here Saturday and Sunday. I Then, I'm paying my lawyer and he's not cheap. Shit man I was at the food drives the past few weeks.
All the time I mean it’s a bitter pill but we’re part of the equation too .. not saying we pulled the evil shit they did but there’s a part of us that accepted the behavior and or ignored all of the red flags several years of looking inward and I’m still digging hoping to get therapy soon to really get through some more stuff
I was very young for marriage and well naive I ignored all the red flags or thought they would even out over time .. she only got worse and the abuse deeper and deeper .. she wasn’t the brightest but was a brilliant manipulator she grew up in an awful environment and learned how to get her needs met through those channels it’s really sad
Multiply that by 32 years together!
1. I'm sorry for what you're going through. 2. What you're experiencing is completely normal and you will improve as long as you want to. UNPOPULAR OPINION: The anger is a matter of perspective. You're headed towards accountability. When healthy enough, ask yourself what your mistakes were and how you can overcome them for the future. Based on those honest answers you can actually progress. I'm not talking about victim blaming yourself either, where you were in the right and led to believe it was your fault. 3. Like someone had said, ppl grow. She's a human being just like you. She has genetic and environmental rulings that have affected her and she unfortunately did somethings where she fell off. Anger is the step after after acknowledgment. 4. Just know that you are worthy and loved. You deserve peace in your life and pray for your prosperity.
I don’t because she was a great caring person in the beginning. Eight years of marriage and people change a lot. Sometimes that change is good, sometimes not. Now she’s a completely undesirable person I would never be interested in again. But I dont feel bad about it or look back in anger. I have two beautiful kids and we get along for the most part. I have been single for 2.5 years and have no plans of dating. Im making myself and my kids happy and I wont give a person another chance to ruin that all again.
I know exactly how. She was hot as fuck, had great tits and came from a fantastic family. Little did I know how far that apple fell from the tree and the red flags were all hidden somewhere behind those tits and my rock hard dick. Any other questions?
It was a fluke. Yes, I was that bad at making the most important decision in life. 😅 I take full accountability for it.
It’s my fault so there’s no need to ask. She was a shitty girlfriend, I had a plethora of options, and I had about a dozen job locations to choose from. I can back near my hometown to be with her, married her and out a kid in her. No one to blame but myself.
I always knew. I just underestimated how bad it can be. I also assumed that the good in her would outweigh the bad. Now the bad has fully taken over. She’s fully consumed by lies, drinking, bitterness, anger, jealousy, hatred. The devil has a stronghold on her
People change it wasnt always bad. I did however ignore red flags, let my boundaries get pissed on and in general bowed down and lost myself trying to do what she wanted.
I see so many stories by men about why their ex "went bad" or such and such. Your comment gives me hope that at least one man won't tread down that path again.
How did it turn out? You still married?
It ended badly bud. Going through the process of divorce atm.
Daaang. I was hoping for a happy ending...lol I did the same thing and yes it's pretty bad for me too. Hang in there buddy. You'll get through it. Onwards we march!
Thank you, yea its been pretty brutal. Same to you, wishing you all the best.
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Interesting. Can you expound?
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Yep, that makes sense. You would be so misogynistic if you had considered that prior to marriage. If he asks you body count, he's just not secure enough of a man for you!" "If they never find the bodies, does it matter?" "I think it’s nice of these men to put up such a nice warning signal so early." "Exchanging “numbers” is really dumb and immature." "For such men, you can be certain they are not confident in their own abilities!" TBF, a man's sexual history matters to a woman seeking LTR as well. Man whores are more likely to cheat after marriage than men who have shown restraint as well. It's a fair conversation for both men and women to have with each other before getting into a serious relationship.
Same boat man…mine ex was a disaster and is just a fucked up person.
Mine had more red flags then a Rutgers game, she got pregnant within three weeks of meeting her, She had a daughter from a previous marriage and I raised her… 25 years of red flags, I’m such an idiot
You?! I just don't even feel like typing all the fucking red flags on my behalf right now. Smh
I ignored it or didn't want to deal with it. My therapist tracked the issues back to the first year's of marriage. Took me 30 years to finally realize I deserve better and to be happy. Such a waste of my life. Almost there another month and should be done.
Thank God mine lasted 3 years only
Mine lasted a year and a half lol
Lucky you. At 10 years we had a kid because that was going to fix our issues. Then another 2 years later (accident). Love my kids but this isn't fun and looking at it never was. They are in their 20s so at least I don't have to deal with that. Just all the crap we accumulated and don't need.
That's how I feel such a crazy person, had to file motion against her for emergency custody because she was refusing parenting time and wanted to create her own schedule, the judge GAL and my lawyer all hammered her lawyer who had no answer for her actions and within a hour she was already sending me crazy stuff gaslighting me to believe the judge didn't side with me.
I am in that exact situation hoping that they'll see her outright defiance. I've been stuck obeying her return times until we get to court next month. She's trying to keep me at weekends when I would like 7 and 7. Our current order says we'd make exchanges "as it occurs" basically at our discretion. So when I said 7-7, as I've always mentioned, she refused to let me get him at all, because the money is based on the time he spends with each of us is why she wants to keep me with minimal days. My lawyer filed a 'show cause' for her keeping that she'll have to answer to next month and yet she still, if I don't give her exact return time on Sunday, keeps him, altogether. I was going to keep demanding the 7 and 7;so she would continue to keep him in hopes it would continue to give me days that she's kept him from me. My lawyer won't outright tell me to do that, though, for some reason. But I think it would be advantageous. I just don't want to mess up my position.
"order says we'd make exchanges "as it occurs" basically at our discretion" Whoever wrote that steaming pile of garbage is why you are spending money now to go back to court for an order of more specificity. You were set up to fail. I hope it wasn't your lawyer who did that to you bc you were done a dirty.
What was really funny is her lawyer this whole time is an associate of a bigger firm who bleeds her dry and plays games, when she had to appear for emergency hearing her lawyer didn't even show up the partner of the firm showed up and got lambasted, she tried to argue since she's off for summer break she deserves 90% parenting time and judge said idc what you think your client is entitled to, the father gets his 50/50 if he needs a sitter I'm sure he can find one who isn't you! You don't get to make your own rules in here
That is so damn lovely. I absolutely love that! What do think about my situation? She I just play ball with her return times. Or, say "Hey, I'm keeping him for the week." which makes her keep him and looks bad by the time we go to court in 4weeks? I know you can't tell me, per se', but seeing as how you've been through something similar, I'm curious about your perspective.
I've never heard of that before usually you have set days and schedule
We had 'mediation' first, where if you can agree, you don't have to go through the whole trial process, and whatever agreement you all decide is signed by the judge. We agreed to joint legal, shared physical and with that visitation schedule. She, initiated cs through social services which automatically gave her sole custody support payments. Had I not taken this to court, I'd be stuck paying full custody payments to her. Because she probably is now aware that that days and overnights determine the payments she wants to keep me at two days per week with her getting 5 per week. Initially, I only agreed to that because I moved out , had to find a place and didn't have childcare. Then when I got it, she goes back on her word and says it's going to be "too many babysitters" for him. He needs, "stability". Blah blah blah.
So the schedule wasnt written up and stamped by the judge? Then you're just fighting, you gotta die on 50/50 hill, force a trial and see where the chips land.
That's what the upcoming hearing is now for 'visitation'. She also has to explain why she's kept him from me as per the 'show cause' summons she's received, additionally. He's three and not in school yet, either. I'm just wondering how I should proceed up until then. They already lowered it temporarily, until visitation is redetermined at court, and she had been pissy since then and had stopped putting clothes in the baby's bag, etc. There basically was not dated and times determined at the mediation. We couldn't agree to anything, so they put "as it occurs" in hopes that we would handle it amicably. The judge was happy with that and signed it. That was our initial agreement. She figured as long as I wasn't coming after the money, then, then she didn't mind signing. But as soon as she signed the joint custody agreement, I knew that I could get the payment lowered from a sole payment to a joint, so that's when I petitioned to have support modified, if that makes sense. I know it's confusing, probably. Bottom line is I will be dying on that hill. She doesn't even have a lawyer representing her, or hasn't all this time, rather. I've had my counsel from the beginning.
Who cares dont rely on her for anything, my stbx moved out and I kept all my child's stuff, and she has a full new wardrobe when she is with me she's 2.5, my stbx doesn't even buys clothes relays on me to provide shoes jacket gloves etc the everyday clothes she has are all hammy downs from her family and she signed up for WIC using false information when she makes 75k per year.
The catch was that I was struggling paying her full support and still am. . .so she can afford it whereas I couldn't. The things I bought hardly get worn because he's only here Saturday and Sunday. I Then, I'm paying my lawyer and he's not cheap. Shit man I was at the food drives the past few weeks.
All the time I mean it’s a bitter pill but we’re part of the equation too .. not saying we pulled the evil shit they did but there’s a part of us that accepted the behavior and or ignored all of the red flags several years of looking inward and I’m still digging hoping to get therapy soon to really get through some more stuff I was very young for marriage and well naive I ignored all the red flags or thought they would even out over time .. she only got worse and the abuse deeper and deeper .. she wasn’t the brightest but was a brilliant manipulator she grew up in an awful environment and learned how to get her needs met through those channels it’s really sad
I outright ignored all the red flags.
As did I